Alysse Aallyn

SCENE III

EVAN
This is the letter I would write you if I dared,
if I weren’t frightened bf the cancer
Of your Elayna-hatred.
I am overworked, wrung out.
I feel possessed by you.
You must always live at the pitch of anguish.
Our love has roots in good and evil,
It lives in the darkest places of our natures
Despite of its pleasant surface.
Shall we end by destroying each other?
You have the deadlier weapons.

EVA
I have a bad effect on people.
Guilt, conspiracy, love,
I cannot breathe without them.
Oh, the pain of your reproach!
Not seeing you would kill me.
I live for the memory of our every moment.
I wouldn’t give a damn if I had a month to live.

EVAN
Boredom, dissipation, remorse,
And apprehension– I can’t escape this obsessive cycle.
Beneath the controlled surface of my mind
Opportunities to be frenzied are endless.
I’m afraid of saying something evil which many stick.

EVA
Gratitude for our happiness chokes me.
This restlessness of things going to waste.
Missing you is like an illness.
I have never fallen out of love with you.
The flame is always there.
The place is full of you.
I can no longer look at hyacinths

EVAN
There’s a worm in this bud
But who is its corruptor?
Your insights are so powerful they alter mine.
I’m sorry for your husband’s death.
I feel a shift in the angle of vision.
A sadness fell on me
A foreboding so final it seemed the end.
Your pleading for our life dissolved my will.
I agree to renewal, something I can live by
But I refuse your guilt.

EVA
Did I leave my diary behind?
Don’t read it, not that you would.
It’s anaphrodisiac. I am filled with envious admiration
For the way you spend your time.
You get so much done!

EVAN
Of course, it’s an incentive to work, being alone.
You have created your own circle
Even if the intelligentsia is as insensitive as you say.
I’m grateful we are calm,
Those fearful scenes never likely to begin again.
I’m sure the panic of youth has played a part.
I used to hope you would love me less over time
But now I think we love each other equally.

EVA
I believe we should exchange rings.
Do you think this faux? Would Elayna object?
This is so I have something in case you die of that itch or fall out of an airplane.
I wonder why Elayna’s throat won’t heal?
I believe she is ice-bound.
She’s sealing you away from life.

EVAN
You witch, you have
Frozen Elayna’s throat.
I begged you not to. You make
Sadness physical.

EVA
Elayna’s frozen her own throat
I wish you’d see it.
Depression is hallucinatory.
Guilt and sorrow undermine all confidence,
I refuse to give them credence.

You are so near me I feel we are one person.
I feel you now beside me.
I will make you real.

EVAN
These acute waves of feeling sometimes come over me
As if you’re signaling.
I owe you happiness
But I can’t express it.
We must always believe life is as beautiful as the music
Says it is. The illusions you must cultivate are in fact
A form of courage.
Forget my deficiencies
Find amusement in the worldly game.

EVA
Without Allen, I re-experience my youth.
Oh, the bafflement of the young!
I broke off my engagement because I loved too much
And cast about for a spouse I could
Control. I believe you did that, too.

EVAN
Our parting was unbearable.
I had to run away –
Your rush of talk was like someone bursting into tears.
I feel like an executioner robbing you of sleep.
My nose began to bleed and
It’s been bleeding ever since.
We must love each other less to become more tranquil.

EVA
I am a witch and you should fear me.
I glow with contempt and boredom and fury.
I don’t understand why
I can’t experience life by your side.
We share the same senses,
The same vein of joy.
Our life together is timeless, continuous.

EVAN
Your letter’s fraught with dynamite.
I can never be alone, it is me and the gin bottle.
I am home nowhere now – except with you.

EVA
I don’t want you getting yourself into a state
But Edgar has proposed, forcing me to face the fact
That I literally cannot live without you.

EVAN
I dread you will fall for Edgar.
You called him “sweet” and “cozy” and “brilliantly entertaining”
And I am none of those things. Did you bewitch him?
he said in a persecuted voice.
It would your justice, sending me to hell.
We would lose each other by inches,
But aren’t we doing that already?

EVA
I can’t show Edgar the brutal candor
Behind my loving kindness.
He mistakes the hostess for a person.
I arrange the flowers in symbols of you
And everyone’s too stupid to notice.
To bed alone again tonight.
I wish Elayna would die.
Then we should be equals.