Woman Into Wolf: the play

Act 1, Scene 1
(THE SCENE: A house on the right edge of a large forest; a wild party is in progress. Raucous music, biker iconography, party guests hang out windows.)

( Enter
ROY & PERSEY step out of a car stage left – she is carrying a hugely glittering wrapped package. DIGGER – the Dog leans after them out the window, panting in doggy fashion.)

PERSEY
(Hanging back unwillingly as ROY pulls her forward)
I can’t relish parties; I hate
Noise and senseless jiving.
I love silence, long for wilderness to
Settle my unquiet soul.

ROY
(Panting in anticipation of the party)
My wilderness is inside;
Sometimes darlin’ you gotta
Play fast, stay loose –
Forget the day, lose the night
It’s gonna come out
We’re gonna
Gotta eat the world.
(We can see the party guests at right lift JAROD up, tossing him)

PARTY GUESTS
(Sing Off Key)
For He’s a jolly good Cocksman!
For he’s a jolly good Cocksman!
Which nobody can deny!

ROY
(Happily joins in)
Yeah, buddy! You’ll get
What’s coming –
Trust your best bro
Who knows all the secrets:
Where the bodies are buried;
Bros forever.
(PERSEY pulls away)

PERSEY
I thought I was your bestie.

ROY
You’ll always be my main squeeze,
Porkchop.
(Enter Hostess STORMEE in barely-there dress, rushing out to take their gift)

STORMEE
Don’t tease if
You can’t perform.

ROY
Sorry we’re late –
Persey’s a party pooper
Taking forever
To make herself beautiful.

PERSEY
You made me try on every dress!

ROY
And ain’t you edible?

PERSEY
What I put on, you remove.

ROY
No one can resist you, sugar.

STORMEE
Let her go if
She wants to be alone.
Persey hates our games.

ROY
Poor Persey
Always wandering –

PERSEY
I’m never lost and I
Adore solitude.

ROY
(snarling)
With that damn dog.
(DIGGER barks enthusiastically from car – PERSEY kisses her fingers to him)

PERSEY
We are explorers.
(ROY puts his hands all over her)

ROY
I could undress you right now.

PERSEY
(backing him off)
Group gropes aren’t for me.

ROY
(Bragging)
Guess I’m tagged by
A one-man woman!

PERSEY
Since high school…
(ROY & PERSEY embrace.)

STORMEE
(Pulling on ROY)
Now you’re here
The games begin –
Cops and robbers
Rapist and victims
Monsters and mobsters. You decide.

PARTY GUESTS
(Calling)
Multiple nightmares
Replenish youth to
Scarify death –
We’re off the leash, so
Plunder our fantasy.

ROY
Long as I’m boss.

STORMEE
But on Jarod’s birthday –
You only ride shotgun.

PERSEY
Enjoy yourself darling; but don’t
Let them change you.

ROY
Who can love wilderness
(Hands all over her)
Without becoming wild?

(ROY & PERSEY kiss)

STORMEE
(Shakes the gift package)
Is this still alive?
Toys disappoint but
Playmates never.

ROY
It’s rechargeable.
(STORMEE laughs loudly, dismisses PERSEY; Challenging, insulting)

STORMEE
Go home, little girl –
While you own your skin.

PERSEY
(Turns to go; waves bye-bye)

You take the car
I love to walk home.

ROY
Not in that dress!

PERSEY
Digger protects me.
(Takes one last kiss)

ROY
Light demands darkness so you get home fast.

(They pull apart. ROY turns to his gang)

ROY
(Calling)
Hey, buddy!

JAROD
(Passing DIGGER who snarls and snaps at him, tries to get out of the car)
It’s a wild night shaping and
No holds barred.

ROY
Nothing but the best for the fixer
Who covers my back.
(They embrace, STORMEE who puts the package on her head forms a conga line with the PARTY GUESTS – they dance sinuously)

PARTY GUESTS
Kick dirt in death’s face!
Birthday’s our free pass
We begin every year.

ROY
Meaner and crazier –

JAROD
Freer and brazener –

ROY
Doin’ death down!

(ROY hands box to JAROD opens the box; a huge sex doll inflates and springs out, shimmering wildly. Laughter.)

JAROD
Guy with the most toys
Rules the lost boys!

PERSEY
(Backing away)
Happy Birthday, Jarod.

JAROD
(Dancing)
You only wander to
Find what you lost.
Don’t be exclusive –
Keeping elusive –

STORMEE
Sucks to be you, fraidy-cat.

JAROD
(Grabs Stormee)
Girls who are squealin’
Are always appealin’ –

ROY
(Grabs Stormee too)
Saying No when they really mean Yes.

STORMEE
I’ll even die twice!

PERSEY
(Lets DIGGER out)
Goodbye to your fun.
(She pulls DIGGER away from JAROD)

ROY
You stay out of those woods, Persey!
Terror stalks pretty girls!

JAROD
There’s wolves in those woods and
Forests of corpses.

STORMEE
Wolves who need bad girls,
Spirits of mad girls –

ROY
Killers and bandits
Monsters and mad men –

JAROD
Scary and bad men –
Roaming the woods!

PERSEY
(Playing with DIGGER who bounds wildly)
But I’ve got a protector
A hero, a savior –

STORMEE
A flea-ridden dirt-bag!
(DIGGER tries to hump STORMEE’s leg – PERSEY drags him away)

ROY
You got your phone, hon?
(Showing his phone – he’s instantly distracted by the screen – JAROD redirects him)

PERSEY
You are my heart, Roy. I’ll stay in touch.

JAROD
(Sneering)
Bell that cat, Roy.

STORMEE
(dancing with ROY)
Reality show time
Put up and go time
Never say “no” time –

ROY
Don’t wait up!

(ROY, JAROD, STORMEE & PARTY GUESTS swallowed up by the house.)