Scene 6
(PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH
Your breath!
Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY
(Gasping)
Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s
Been…shot.
BISH
But your sleeping swan’s
A thing of beauty and
A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY
(Huffing and puffing)
Stuck in my gut.
BISH
No ego.
PERSEY
No ego.
BISH
And hold….
Flirt with your edge.
Find your power –
Soften…
Release…
Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY
Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH
Now Corpse Pose
Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY
That’s an easy one!
Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH
When I’m old and
You’re wrinkly.
(She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH
(Looks around and whispers)
So… I’m intuiting
Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance
Just a trifle?
PERSEY
(Hands him his drink)
Which vigilance is that?
BISH
The vigilance that’s scared to death
Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY
Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad.
I like having a man
I know can defend me.
BISH
It’s the lure of fascism, darling.
No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY
Oh, shush.
Shriek like a train whistle if
The spirit moves you. Roy
And his mother are
Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave.
I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH
Surprising they spend
So much time together
Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY
Hate’s love to some people.
She’s hard to take, but
Some of us have to.
I feel kind of sorry for her.
She makes her own misery.
BISH
But don’t we love drama?
I envy you Persey!
What fun you folks have!
Scarify me with tales
Of Legendary Dead Brother.
So what made poor Bruce
Suicide himself?
PERSEY
You can’t get a straight story
Out of that woman.
On her bad days
He was murdered.
BISH
MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY
The suspects keep changing.
It’s a very strange family.
BISH
But there’s only the two of them!
I suppose they fill out the crowd
With personal demons!
PERSEY
Babe resurrects Bruce
Whenever she needs him.
And now we’ve got Jarod
Shoehorning his way in.
BISH
But Jarod takes Roy’s side!
Can’t you appreciate?
It makes the sides even.
PERSEY
I guess a strange
Family ‘s better than no family at all.
Which was where I came in.
BISH
Or none we’ll admit to.
We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained!
If folks insist on emoting
Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY
Speaking of corpse pose,
Digger found a skeleton!
BISH
An actual dead person?
PERSEY
Bones. Old remains in the woods.
But scary enough!
(Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH
(Sips drink…reacts…likes)
What’s your Glamorous Nazi
Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY
Silly! I’d never tell Roy!
Roy warns me NEVER to
Walk in the woods.
BISH
Did you notify Jarod The Law?
(Sighs ecstatically)
Jarod the Beautiful
Jarod the Sex Cop?
Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed
By someone like HIM!
“DON’T rough me up, officer!
I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY
Jarod’s not beautiful!
He’s spoiled like bad meat.
He’s bewitched my poor Roy.
Like some substitute twin.
BISH
If you’re keeping secrets
I won’t breathe a word.
But that Jarod’s man-jelly
In search of a sandwich.
I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY
You think EVERYBODY
Swings EVERY way.
BISH
Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY
Jarod looks out
For just Jarod only. Did I tell you
He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH
What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY
Oh, she’s impossible.
She LOOVES Jarod.
I tell Roy if he’ not careful
He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH
Persey, how delightful!
Your life is so complicated!
So, that skeleton’s still out there
Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY
No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop
Of my own. Aren’t you always
Saying, Get out Persey,
Embrace new experience!
BISH
Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY
Oh, Bish, I DID.
He’s a very nice cop and
I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH
Oh, my God Persey!
Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of.
You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed!
You’ve surpassed Teacher.
No longer a poor, trembly princess
Locked alone in her tower.
So, dish about cop!
Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY
Our attraction’s cerebral.
He’s a puzzle maven. He
Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH
Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY
(Thoughtfully)
I do respect men
Who know how to talk.
BISH
Which is why you love me.
So, what secrets
Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY
That I suspect Jarod!
BISH
Oh, Persey,
You’re just jealous
‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY
You don’t know Jarod like I do.
He’s always bragging
About doing folks down.
BISH
I’m warning you girly –
Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY
But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH
I do love a good monster.
Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY
That Jarod’s a weasel!
A weasel who’s dirty.
He fixed every traffic ticket
Roy ever had.
BISH
Persey, you’re watching
WAY too much television!
PERSEY
What if Jarod’s a serial killer?
Digger absolutely loathes him
(DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth)
And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH
WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY
Try to keep up!
My cop friend just told me
There’s MULTIPLE body parts
Dumped in that forest.
People go missing
In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH
Multiple body parts?
How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY
Poor Bish! Nobody cares
For the vulnerable
So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH
What kind of people?
MY kind of people?
PERSEY
OUR kind of people.
Bi-curious, tri-curious
Foraging wanderers
Hitchhikers and travelers
Tourists and runaways
Just passing through.
BISH
Passing through HERE?
Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you
Woods-walking either!
PERSEY
Yeah but I’m not a victim.
Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH
Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses
And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY
I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH
Oh, look in a mirror!
Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey.
If Jarod’s so machiavellian
He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY
He’s a sadist, poor Bish.
You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty
Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH
Suddenly we’re a fourgy!
Roy’s jealous of ME
And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY
Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH
Persey – much as I love you
…Adorable as you are…
You’re not my type.
PERSEY
He knows WE talk about
Things I can’t say to HIM.
He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH
Doesn’t everyone?
Roy tells his Man Buddy
Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY
Dumb stuff, probably. Things like
Guns, knives and wars.
You know they dressed a deer
In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH
You mean they
UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY
Jarod brings out Roy’s
Worst side. Imposture,
Pretense – Loads of sick
Macho crap.
BISH
Well…a LITTLE imposture –
And a soupçon of crap –
Can be very alluring.
PERSEY
It ISN’T!
I loathe poseurs!
BISH
Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are
Dependent on posing or we’d get
No partners at ALL!
So far Roy’s uncooperative
With your civilizing pressure?
Hmm…wonder why…
With a mother like that?
PERSEY
It’s just because poor Roy was so
Tormented by his only brother.
BISH
He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY
He has a starved, hungry ego.
But he’s an angel to me.
BISH
You call me too-trusting?
Never trust anyone
With so many rules.
Who needs knives and guns
When he’s got silver spoons?
He could accept the real US
If he put his head right.
PERSEY
He’s getting there, I swear it.
If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH
You’re boring me, Persey.
Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY
Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH
Aaaah….
PERSEY
(Lifting pile of towels and whispering)
Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH
THAT was refreshing.
For someone.
PERSEY
(Mopping up frantically with towels)
Roy just hates it
When Digs makes a mess!
BISH
See what I mean?
Stop running and jumping
And twitching for him!
PERSEY
Oh, hush.
You’d cater adoringly
To somebody special.
BISH
Below the belt, that one!
I can’t like my best friend locked up
As a baby machine.
PERSEY
Roy doesn’t want children!
He can’t share me with a dog!
That’s just Mama’s nagging.
Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH
Who’s posing now?
Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY
It’s a state secret, Bish –
You can’t ever tell!
BISH
(Locking lips – tossing key)
Honey, you’re safe with me.
PERSEY
Roy’s swimmers lack tails!
Turns out they just…
LIE there.
BISH
No! Oh, the poor man!
I actually pity him!
PERSEY
Don’t! It’s an automatic vasectomy!
Win-win! He just doesn’t want anyone –
Especially Babe –
To EVER find out.
BISH
Weird. Well, my lips are sealed.
Will you EVER tell Granma?
PERSEY
We’ll break her in slowly.
BISH
You know, Persey, I think
You have everyone fooled.
You’re a bad girl underneath.
But no ego!
PERSEY
No ego! I’m so glad I’ve got you.
BISH
But I have no playmate
As you cruelly point out.
(Sighs)
PERSEY
Sorry.
(Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY
Cupcake! I’m home!
Where the hellz is my baby?
Alysse Aallyn 
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