Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

The Life Force

We teenagers at our co-ed religious boarding school wanted to mate. This desire was more powerful than the faculty, it was more powerful than anything. They were always digging us out of bushes, rescuing us from ponds, chasing us out of the woods. We were lustfully ablaze. They kept trying to demand we give an account of ourselves but reason had been bypassed – we were in the grip of an eternal force powering the planet, perpetuating our kind.

I knew that force again when I turned 29 years old. Suddenly I wanted to have a child. There were men on the scene – but they were a shiftless crew of can’t-bes, don’t-bes, and wanna-bes. Warriors don’t take No for an answer. I had to be able to do better than that, but my parents assured me that because of my career of exposing My Body For Profit, no decent man would have me.

But suddenly High School Boyfriend showed up, a working journalist, half-way through law school, interning for Ralph Nader. On our first meeting he told me he’d never loved anyone but me.

Hey, I thought. This could work.

Your Biological Time’s Up

This crowded world could not make do

without your life;

Summoned up, you surged

you split the crust

Shocked, I shuddered in my sheaves

as you uncored

Loosened my skin as we 

Unmerged. 

We travelled to the rim;

Your fragrant cell became

a soul unsheathed.

From my rind’s brim

you blinkered on the world

wondering at the fuss.

We are you and yet

You are not us.

Committed to a course beyond our love –

a forfeit tithe;

gentle as a snake and

wiser than a dove;

As stars consume their fuel

you were birthed to speed our lives.

Against the odds we found you

You found us

against the odds.

Consecrated to the great transformer 

We love like mothers

We create like gods.