Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

Duality

Have you ever both wanted something and not wanted it? Of course you have. It’s the human condition. We often choose something temporary, hoping to dodge the consequences. Or we tolerate something to get a certain outcome, and when we’re denied that, we feel cheated.

My duality is the desire to reveal myself and also be private. I want both things at once – to be completely known and to be utterly unknown.

I already have two superpowers (Art & Love) but if I could get a third (seems unlikely) I would choose Invisibility. I love eavesdropping on conversations.

These aspects of myself have certainly frustrated incredulous friends, boyfriends, managers and agents.

I was very uncomfortable in the theatre, speaking and acting other people’s words, but I think (though I never got the chance) that acting my own words would have felt even worse.

I could never express to family and friends the enormous relief it was to dance – utterly silent – in the spotlight –to my own moods – which you couldn’t dignify as “choreography”. Being almost nude didn’t bother me at all but felt absolutely right, since clothes & costumes were an impediment to which the performer must be mindful.

I became a Warrior trying to explain these anomalies to people. Welcome to duality – the other edge we walk.

Centering

Dance is holy expression

A centering, before

The explosion

Tuning to ancient volcanos

Pre-dating the planet

Performing with magma

Shooting like footlights

Re-shaping everything

Selfhood and sainthood

Willingly abandoned.