Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

(Behind WHITNEY’S back appears an old man dressed for fishing. He carries a tackle box and two fishing rods.)

WHITNEY
(Shouting after EIGHT)
Some “master of the elements” you are. Scared of a little chill!

DR. QUANTREAU
Whitney? Ready to go fishing? The bluefish are running.

WHITNEY
(Overcome)

Dad! Dad! Oh, my God! Dad!

DR. QUANTREAU
Don’t touch me. I’m covered with hooks.

(He casts a line)

WHITNEY
(Confused)

Dad, you can’t catch bluefish from here!

DR. QUANTREAU
Whitney, you’re forgetting that I’m dead. I can do anything I want.

WHITNEY
(Collapsing emotionally)

Dad, you’ve left everything in a mess!

DR. QUANTREAU
I don’t think so. You seem fine to me.

WHITNEY
Dad, Charmayne is some kind of monster! She kills people who get in her way! She probably killed you!

DR. QUANTREAU
What does that matter now? It was my time to go.

(Casting, moving up the beach.)

WHITNEY
This is NOT the way I imagined it.

DR. QUANTREAU
Nothing ever is.

WHITNEY
Let me put it this way, Dad. You married a lying, greedy, murderous stripper!

DR. QUANTREAU
Not bad for a deteriorating old geezer, huh?

(WHITNEY is gob smacked. Watches him silently for a while.)

WHITNEY
(Mustering all her energy)

Well, I’m not letting her get away with it.

DR. QUANTREAU
Forget it, Whitney. Allow an old man to have his fun. I made plenty of money for everybody. Let it go.

WHITNEY
Dad! She made you beg for water! I saw it!

DR. QUANTREAU
Adults play games, Whitney. Conflict makes life interesting; keeps the fish fresh. I guess you wouldn’t understand. You were always so serious.

WHITNEY
You made me serious! You wanted me serious! You said life was serious.

DR QUANTREAU
(Reflects)

Besides, I probably deserved it. Ever heard that expression “what goes around comes around?” I made your mother beg for money. We all did it. I regret it now.

(Shrugs)

You should have seen the faces on the other guys when I brought Charmayne to the club!

(Cackles gleefully)

Were they jealous! Didn’t know I had it in me!

(Wandering away into the “water” – into the audience)

WHITNEY
(Calling after him despondently)

Dad, don’t go! Let’s talk about…things. We never talked about real things. We only talked about…history. Why Alexander the Great didn’t need armies as big as the people he attacked.

DR. QUANTREAU
Honey, I don’t have to worry about “things” any more. Or Alexander the Great. You could come fishing with me. I love fishing. I get to fish all the time.

WHITNEY
(With a passion)

I see now I’ve always hated fishing. It’s the most boring activity on the planet.

DR. QUANTREAU
I like it. It relaxes me. It’s just a game, Whit. Our games define us. Elevate your game, Whit.

WHITNEY
You against some nine pound fish! Like that’s fair!

DR. QUANTREAU
Honey, no one cares about fairness. Fairness is impossible. Expertise, that’s the thing. Self-improvement. Mastering whatever it is you set out to do.

(Casts)

WHITNEY
But you keep leaving me, again and again, over and over! Don’t you still love me?

DR. QUANTREAU
Of course I love you, Whitney. And Darby and McKenzie and Charmayne and your mother – what was her name? Doris. I loved Doris and before her I loved Edna. But the fish are running! See them go? If the fish are running, I’ve got to follow! Goodbye, Whitney! Be a good girl.

(Exit.)

WHITNEY
(Shouting after him)

You’re just a figment of my adolescent imagination!

(Bursts into tears sobbing her heart out.)

I refuse to take advice from ghosts.

(Dries her tears, sighs, takes out her phone)

Unsolved murders in Branson, Missouri…what was it? Fourteen years ago?