Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

SCENE 5

(The Hamptons. Lights up on WHITNEY, sitting against the boulder, staring out at the ocean, drinking from a bottle of tequila. EIGHT approaches and sits beside her silently.)

EIGHT
What? No door hammering? Your fists must be sore.

WHITNEY
I’m waiting for her to come out and swim. She usually does – when the moon is full. Then I’m going to brain her with this bottle. Which will be empty at that point.

(EIGHT takes the bottle away)

EIGHT
Save the tequila for her. You catch more flies with the tequila than by trying to smash them drunkenly with a bottle.

WHITNEY
Hey, but at least I’d feel better.

EIGHT
Let’s play a game. Role-play with me. What were you planning to say to her?

WHITNEY
(Screwing up her face with struggle)

I guess… nothing. She scares me so badly I can’t think. You should hear the way she talks to me! I can’t break through this “I’m a great lady and you’re a poor little supplicant” routine. I was planning on getting drunk and then maybe having enough courage to wing it.

EIGHT
This sounds like HER game plan. Deer in the headlights.

WHITNEY
Well, it’s working.

(She tries to wrestle the bottle away – he keeps tight control)

Hey! It’s MY bottle!

EIGHT
Wait for it to hit you before you pack on more. You probably need every bit of this for her – she strikes me as a hard drinker. Take my word for it, booze and ocean are a dangerous combination.

WHITNEY
Is that so?

EIGHT
I know from personal experience.

WHITNEY
Is that how you died?

EIGHT
(Points to his chest)

Me? Last time I checked I was a conscious, breathing human being.

WHITNEY
I’ve been seeing too many ghosts lately. I guess some of them aren’t even dead yet.

EIGHT
(Sits down beside her)

Lay off of that stuff if you want to know what’s real.

(Long lingering kiss)

That real enough for you?

WHITNEY
(She stares at him a long time)

I’m not sure. I think I need another one.

(He obliges.)

EIGHT
Ready to tell me what happened?

WHITNEY
And here I was figuring you were all knowing!

EIGHT
It’s easy to be all knowing about someone else’s business. It’s my own that has me stumped. Share what you discovered.

WHITNEY
Well, you sent me spinning off to confront her and get my fortune read. She told me some people don’t have souls.

EIGHT
She’s lying. I’m all-knowing enough about that.

WHITNEY
She says people lose their souls.

EIGHT
She’s messing with you. Don’t believe a word she says.

WHITNEY
So after we find out she’s an identity thief whose prey has mysteriously disappeared you send me dancing off to see who else she’s murdered. Guess what! Turns out here WAS a guy, she probably did it but we’ll never prove it.

EIGHT
What makes you so sure?

WHITNEY
The police destroyed the evidence! On purpose!

(She leans toward him and whispers conspiratorially)

“GRASSY KNOLL”

.
EIGHT
You can still win this. Even with incompetent police, bedfellow prosecutors and bribable jailers you can win this.

WHITNEY
Why’s that?

EIGHT
Karma. Also known as, what comes around goes around.

WHITNEY
We WISH.

EIGHT
All you need’s more time. Cons simply can’t get away with it forever. Call it “hanging in there”. You have to let destiny know that you won’t let go.

WHITNEY
Did you say “Destiny?” That was her stripper name!

EIGHT
See? It started already! Be as wily as a serpent and as gentle as a dove.

WHITNEY
I think I aced the “gentle” part.

EIGHT
So all you need is wily. Ever asked yourself why she wastes time with you? Hasn’t she got everything she wants? What’s she hanging around here for?

WHITNEY
She enjoys torturing people, and the better she knows them the more fun it is.

EIGHT
Maybe. I think she needs something from you and you need to figure out what that is.

WHITNEY
She did say I reminded her of herself. I was so horrified I almost upchucked.

EIGHT
There you go! She’s looking for an heir! A protégée!

WHITNEY
She actually used that word!

EIGHT
See? You’re on your way!

WHITNEY
But why me?

            EIGHT

Maybe she’s lonely.

WHITNEY
Why not somebody more malleable? Who LIKES her and is impressed by her?

EIGHT
Maybe you represent a challenge. She’s probably in awe of you. Maybe she’s a little bit in love with you.

WHITNEY
As if! She’s always talking about how terrible my body is and how I need to get it fixed.

EIGHT
Talks about your body, does she? I think we’re onto something.

WHITNEY
She doesn’t “fall in love”, she tries to seduce people. It isn’t the same thing.

EIGHT
Maybe she thinks it is. Here, Whit. I’ve got something for you. I’ve got something for you.

(Reaches in his pocket and hands her small object.)

WHITNEY
What’s this? A bullet?

EIGHT
I’m a treasure hunter, right? There I was minding my own business sweeping this particular patch of beach and your stepmother came out of her house and took a shot at me. So I waited to find the bullet and then I dug it out.

WHITNEY
She shot at you?

EIGHT
More than once, using some very unladylike language.

(Puts her hand on his heart)

Yes, my heart’s still pumping, no thanks to your stepmother. She damn near killed me.

WHITNEY
And here I was wondering if she conjured you up out of her medieval imagination!

EIGHT
Not hardly.

WHITNEY
So what are you proposing I do with this thing?

EIGHT
Humans are pattern makers, Whit. Pattern makers and pattern finders. If her pattern gets big enough everyone’s gonna see it.

WHITNEY
(Studying the bullet)

Patterns, eh?

EIGHT
Right. Sometimes when we see them they aren’t even there. That’s why waiting for the come around to go around is so important.

WHITNEY
I don’t like waiting. Tell me what you’ve figured out about my stepmother so far.

EIGHT
Look at this place.

(Waves a hand expansively)

I think she’s a trophy-collector.

WHITNEY
That’s for sure. Every day she puts on a necklace belonging to the woman who disappeared. Imagine what she’s thinking!

EIGHT
Maybe other people aren’t even real to her. She goes shooting up and down this beach, like she’s the only person in the universe. That blindness makes her lonely I’m guessing. And sloppy for sure.

WHITNEY
So the gun itself could be a trophy?

EIGHT
Why not? And even if she destroyed that gun, she’d never find all those bullets.

WHITNEY
You’re thinking she shot somebody?

EIGHT
I’d call that most probable.

WHITNEY
But how am I going to find out who’s got her bullet in them?

EIGHT
Ask her.

WHITNEY
Ask her! Are you out of your mind? I can’t do it!

EIGHT
Sure you can. You don’t know your own strength. Bet she loves to brag.

WHITNEY
You know, she does.

EIGHT
She’s probably irritated that the world hasn’t yet caught on to how clever she’s been, how superior she is. She’s fooled everyone and they don’t even know it. You don’t need me. You can catalogue all your stepmother’s weaknesses for yourself by now.

WHITNEY
Well, I know she loves hanging all over me pushing her disgusting “advice”.

EIGHT
Maybe her prime weakness is you.

WHITNEY
Me? Never! According to her there’s nothing “right” about me.

EIGHT
I’d say that lady protests too much. Look at it. You’re the only person she hasn’t been able to fool. She needs to win you over.

WHITNEY
I think her weakness is Time. It’s running out on her and she’s got to know it.

EIGHT
I think you underestimate your powers of attraction. But let’s say I agree with you. Explain your last statement.

WHITNEY
I think the only things she really covets are power, youth and beauty. In fact, she staked her life on them.

EIGHT
Then she’s looking at trouble, isn’t she? Makes her whole future is a disaster area.

WHITNEY
(Realizing it fully)

Sure looks like it.

EIGHT
So maybe you should tell her fortune, for once.

WHITNEY
That wouldn’t work! She’d never believe me.

EIGHT
But Time, Power, Youth & Beauty – they’re are all on your side. Cave! Here she comes.

WHITNEY
What makes you think so? I don’t see her. Time to admit it; you’re otherworldly.

EIGHT
I’ve got a highly developed sense of smell for sulfur. Don’t you worry. I’m gonna be right here.