Fri 16 July 76 – Club Shalimar
A & I hung living room paintings today, and the last piece
was moved in. Half an hour till my date with Ryder. Will his
name mean anything to me in twenty years? Brought blow dryer,
change of clothes and unguents sufficient to slap me back into shape
after 7 hrs dancing. Idly listening to gossip of Randy
(bouncer), Jinx (dancer) and Bobbi (bartender).
A and I had pleasant evening last night – wild storm
and the power failed. So we went out walking afterwards with
dogs & flashlights. Fun looking into people’s houses, seeing
them move about with candles. What does the future hold?
I worry both that Ryder will be there and that he won’t be there.
Margery Sharp’s The Faithful Servants has a lot of sweetness.
17 July 76
Interesting date. I want to write about it but first I have
to say today has been a TERRIBLE day – I had to follow ex-stripper
named Edie who wore a black lace corset and gloves and carried
a whip onstage – everything but the donkey, as one of the other
dancers remarked. Then I had to listen to loud speculation on
how I got the bruise on my ass when it was my turn.
But Ryder Arlen. We had a wonderful dinner. He
ordered in Italian. The weirdest thing about him is that he
doesn’t like mushrooms. Long dinner, then over to the Gangplank
for Irish coffee. He insisted upon carrying me across two puddles –
he’s not very big and I was sure he’d get a hernia – but he made it.
We got back to Chevy Chase the house looked wonderful –
A had obviously slaved for hours. We had her down for a glass of
wine, then she went back upstairs. We ended up reading my poetry
I didn’t show him the erotic stuff because I didn’t feel the time was right.
He liked valentine the best –
Valentine
I sent myself in a letter
Heart-creased
Like a glove
Too much folded
An anecdote
Too much told
Dear stranger don’t
Lose me
I forgot the rule
(Hold back a copy)
Then we made out for hours. He was deliciously
passionate. I said, “You don’t want to end up in bed on the
first date, do you?” He said, “You pick the time and the place
but I hope it’s inevitable.”
I said it was certainly feeling that way but I’d have
to get to know him better. I wouldn’t let him take down the
top of my dress either. He left at 2:45 AM. He seems to
really care for me – so my worry that I’m just a first experiment
after leaving wife seems baseless. He invited me to go crabbing
tomorrow, then on a four-day cruise sometime in August.
Fri 23 July 76 – Tyler St, Chevy Chase, Maryland
R and I have seen each other every day since Fri –
I think he’s in love. I could fall if I let myself but something holds me back.
I like our relationship now – he drops by the house after work
and we’re both in jeans. I think tonight’s the night for sex –
first time – I’m nervous but since I love his body I expect
to be all right.
Adore these slow working mornings. I get up
with A (depending on when her first run is – she’s now
working courier) to have time to set my hair before leaving
at 10. Beautiful walks up Tyler St. Early AM at the Shalimar
such a pleasure – sitting at the bar with my diary balanced
on my hipbones, watching the barmaids get ready, feeling
like a character out of Toulouse Lautrec.
Yesterday we met across the street neighbors –
one of them is a gorgeous guy named Larry getting a degree
in Hospital Administration. Among ourselves we call him
“Shoulders” because he has such a gorgeous pair. To see
them dimpled with sweat on his way back from a run is to be
in heaven. Invited Larry and roommates Garrett and Opal to
dinner tomorrow night – if they can come.
Thurs 22 July 76 – 9:25 Pm
God I’m in love. I love his fragile, tense blond body –
love holding it. Love looking at his Lorenzo diMedici face.
Those blond Italians! He wouldn’t like to hear me say it –
he has a black belt in karate and thinks he’s so tough – but
he probably only outweighs me by 20 lbs. Made love all afternoon –
he is very skilful – obsessed with my pleasure. Says he doesn’t
care if he ever comes – wants to see what gives a woman joy.
We fit together exactly – interlocking puzzle pieces even
upside down. I can feel his feet with my feet – his knees
with my knees – it’s like having a mirror body – only with a
hard chest and penis. After the first time the relief of the orgasm
was so great I wept. I fell asleep with him inside me. Wrote
a poem about him but don’t know if I want to show him. If I
learned anything from Bruce it’s that people misrepresent.
He could be shockable and its early days yet. Today I want
to buy a bookcase.
Love equals, unfortunately, anxiety attacks – could
he possibly love me as much as I love him? Yesterday walking
in the park I expressed fear about him going straight from one
serious relationship right into another – but he says he refuses to
limit the experience. Which of course was exactly the right answer.
The worst part is his trouble with my job.
He says he knows he can’t ask me to quit because
he can’t support me – I pointed out he wants me to go on the Divers
World expedition, and then to Cozumel, and I want to take him to Maine,
all of which would be impossible if I had a regular job. He says he
can deal with it only by avoiding the Shalimar – OK by me as long as
I see him outside. He came in today – I got rid of him after a half hour,
before my set.
11:05 AM – Shalimar Tues 27 July 76
Feel like throwing out all my diaries. Driveling gush broken
up by gushing drivel. But I go right ahead and produce some more.
Randy throwing ice and cases of beer, Bobbi cleaning trays, Carmen
checking paper towels and me writing. Perfect.
We were lying in bed – me and Ryder – I have to lie on his
right side because he only has one good ear – and he told me a long
purposeless allegory about bullfighting. Can’t tell which of us is the
supposed to be the matador. I’m the only one with a poetic license
in this relationship.) He said I should just write, and he’s going
to see to it. I said fine by me. I love this job but not as much
as writing, love and freedom. Then he said, I love you.
Alysse Aallyn 
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