Alysse Aallyn

Author: alysse

  • The Language of Butterflies – walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    The path = GOALS -“A swan’s wing shows”

    “What do you want REALLY?”

    Tantra is the Path of Attachment. Being is travel. Movement. Closing in on a possible, seemingly viable Soulmate, we need to move forward slowly, checking items off our list and paying close attention to the items on THEIR LIST.

    That’s the focus of the passage we call “The Path” – bringing your intra-psychic “lists” to consciousness. Because you are always operating with a list, whether you are aware of it or not, but some of the items on it might be seriously out of date, illogical, contradictory or downright pernicious. (Such as, “I need my partner to guarantee they’ll never get sick or grow old.”)

    Think deeply about your dreams and do your best to verbalize them, if only to yourself or to a trusted other. Some of us benefit by writing it down. Accept that goals evolve because…we are alive. Being is travel, remember?

    Goals are all about communication. With yourself first, then with others. As we feel our way forwards, our goals change. Having a partner who’s the same as we are (an introvert, a careerist, a Democrat, to give a few examples) may suddenly stop being so important as we connect on a deeper plane. Some of our goals were designed to protect us, and it may be that as we begin to trust our partner and grow ourselves we need less and less protection.

    Being is Travel. As we shape the Path, it shapes us. Even the most anti-social creatures are constantly making paths for others to follow. Such delight when we uncover a ready-made Path! (Path-making is exhausting!) Such a mysterious invitation! Paths must lead Somewhere. Paths speak of Destination, Intention, Design, History. Every Path, Visible or not, speaks of the existence of The Other. Paths are our Robinson Crusoe footprint. They represent Hope: this Path worked not just once, but many times. We are proud of being Pathmakers in our turn, leading the weary, frightened traveler of the future toward confidence and reliability.

    Goals

    A swan’s wing shows
    The universe.
    No surprise to me –
    From this small window I see
    More than I can ever
    Understand; still I cast my nets
    And still I’m sinking;
    Restless; forced to move
    This unfriendly virus IS my blood –
    I see it in your eyes
    Thirties wasted and nothing come.
    It never quite meets –
    Attempt and reach.
    I see it in my dreams which
    Introduce me to the dead;
    Protect my essence from the hive.
    Wrapped tightly in this web of
    Earthly light; we
    Pray for mystery, glory; thought & sight.

  • the Language of Butterflies – walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    Danger = RISK, DESTRUCTION: “Online”

    “Face your fears” – Reaching out to others makes us vulnerable. We have to be trusting, and danger can be hard to recognize. It comes in forms we have never seen before; sometimes in forms no one’s ever seen before. Luckily, we are hardwired to perceive Danger. That doesn’t mean we will always perceive it, or even know which direction it’s coming from; Danger is a clever chameleon, prone to snares and disguise. But it does mean we should never put our “Danger perceptors” entirely to sleep the way others might demand – requesting an unnecessarily lavish display of trust. You will find those demanders frequently hold back a few cards themselves, sometimes for “our own good” but always for their own good.

    Challenge – Today we will examine “pushback”. While planning ways to intensify our presence in the world so that we can find our soulmate and our soulmate can find us, we must think about how much cooperation can we expect from the “universe” at large. Damn little! And why is that? Status quo? Inertia? Entropy? Too many dancers and too few partners? All of the above?

    In trying to create change are we water flowing downhill seeking a path “of least resistance” or are we more like an exhausted marathoner stumbling up a steep incline (in bad weather!)

    What will “resistance” against us look like and where will it come from? Most importantly, how will we react? Marathoners must conserve their strength. This course is unfamiliar: we have no idea what traps, snares and pitfalls lie ahead. How can we arm ourselves? One technique is to try not to take all this pushback personally. To do so might waste precious emotional resources. When we see others as preventing us from getting ahead, they see us as threatening their place in the world. “Resistance” may even be “blind” through Acts of God, devolution and just plain bad luck. We’re all familiar with the cataclysmic damage “being in the wrong place at the wrong time” can inflict.

    But if we are determined to move forward in our pursuit of a soulmate, we have committed ourselves to motion. Let us then “enlighten” and educate our intellect, studying what we might expect and strategizing how we can protect ourselves and achieve synchronicity.

    Don’t we secretly already know that our fear itself creates most monsters? And yet there ARE real things to be afraid of out there. For that reason, we need to face our fears squarely and list them, but we also need to honestly assess the risks. It never fails to surprise me that in exclusively online communications, people don’t make more of an effort to find out whether the other person is “real” or not. That can only be because they are enjoying the connection so enormously. It is filling a vacuum, and that pressure alone will render us willfully blind. The Buddhists counsel us to look at our emotions from a distance. Don’t judge them, don’t disregard them, simply observe them.

    It is “just” a feeling. It is OK to enjoy a conversation. But if the only reason you enjoy it is because you are entering into an impossible fantasy, danger signals should be flashing. No harm in running background checks! No harm in running this person’s “picture” through Google to see who they REALLY are – or aren’t. If the best conversations don’t happen with the masks off, then this person can’t be right for you.

    If we wish to build and not destroy, we will need a fellow engineer as committed as we are to the physics of existence – what behaviors enhance growth and flourishing, and what techniques gut and wither. Narcissists in particular try to entrap through “love bombing” – demonstrating dazzle & commitment far too soon. If it looks like “overkill” it probably is. We don’t want to be “killed” period! A healthy suspicion keeps you questioning – and on the road to reality.

    Online

    I quested
    You bested.
    I texted
    You sexted.
    I posted
    You ghosted
    I roasted

  • The Art of Connection

    The Art of Connection

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  • Beyond the Obstacle

    Beyond the Obstacle

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  • Growth Unlocked

    Growth Unlocked

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  • Collaboration Magic

    Collaboration Magic

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  • Teamwork Triumphs

    Teamwork Triumphs

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  • Adaptive Advantage

    Adaptive Advantage

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  • The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    Synchronicity = What We Need to Learn: “Synching up”


    How do couples get “in synch”? How much of it is conscious? Synchronicity is more than symbiosis, more than coincidence. Like all true serendipity it contains an element of magic. If the bubbling primordial stew hadn’t brought the right ingredients together at the right time, life as we know I simply couldn’t have begun.


    There’s always a strong element of synchronicity in teamwork, as in all collaborative enterprises. We become sensitive to the rhythms of the other. Feel the rise and fall of the others’ energy and must exactly time our moment to chime in.


    It’s the Trust Game writ large across the heavens; the magic of need producing the miracle of response creates the synchronicity of Life.


    Think about your interpersonal relationships as a series of concentric circles. There are people on the outmost rings whom we recognize but exchange no words with and know nothing about, down to the closest, tightest ring, where we maybe know too much about those people, possibly feel stifled, even a bit unchallenged by their presence in our lives. And our closest relationships may actually merge into our own space, until we can’t tell where we end and the other person begins.

      Remember what it takes to achieve friendship – Are there once-close people whom we have banished to the outer distance? How did that happen? Any people we long to bring closer who seem stubbornly resistant to our charms? Do we notice any pattern in the way we relate to others? A favorite game therapists play is “Find the Father/Mother”. In other words, are we recreating any original family dynamics with other people we may know? (Critic, sugar daddy, permission giver, etc.)

      This game can be extended to “Find the Sibling” as we study ways to become competitive by conspiring against a “common enemy” with fellow workers or even friends. Let’s make the effort to become more conscious, less rigid. We’re going to “work” this circle. It is not going to “work” us!

      Being “in synch” requires understanding where the other person is coming from and feeling confident that they understand where you’re coming from. (And going to.) Do you enjoy learning? You’d better, because we have a lot of it ahead of us. Horribly, some people decide to settle down because THEY’RE TIRED OF LEARNING. They yearn for unchanging, static conditions! Yet your soulmate represents an entirely new world, and between the two of you, you will be creating another one. So there will be lots of learning going on.

      If you are really phobic about “learning” new things, now’s your time to figure out why. It may be that you hate “tests”, (a perfectly acceptable human reaction to stress conditions) but you love gaming. In other words, YOU REALLY LOVE TO LEARN, aren’t afraid of challenges and relish the acquisition of new skills and worldviews, but you had BAD SCHOOLING EXPERIENCES.

      You can see that’s entirely different, but it’s still helpful to know. The more your partnership resembles “school’ (with one of you as teacher/judge) the more unpleasant it’s going to be.

      So prepare to match your quest to the type of exploration you LIKE to do and most importantly, talk about it. Your partner can’t read your mind and people are often shy and can’t find the words to quantify their emotion. But between the two of you will FIGURE IT OUT. “I don’t know what I’m feeling – maybe panic with a dash of dread?” you can help each other to analyze and assess. You’ll be talking not just about your relationship, but every relationship either of you has ever had. “I’m afraid to look back/talk or even think about this,” is an acceptable opening bid. And throughout this process, you’ll get closer.

      Leaving the Coven

      A craven of cronies stood
      Between us & God
      God hated short skirts, God
      Demands clones.

      A damnation of judges
      Stood between us &
      Knowledge; truth exists
      Only in service to others.

      A clowder of cretins
      Stood between us &
      Art: “Don’t be disturbing”
      “Never trust instincts.”

      From the depths of
      This oubliette
      You drank the koolaid
      Guaranteeing your survival

      Cherishing passion
      Rescuing me –
      As I rescued you
      So I could grow up
      And write this poem.

    1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      The Rainbow = “SERENDIPITY”

        Rainbows have vast cultural, religious, and psychological implications. They announce that the storm is past and offer a gateway to somewhere obviously special, right up there in the sky, a glittering gateway offering us every color in the spectrum. “There’s a land that I dream of,” sang Judy Garland yearningly and we sang and yearned right along with her.


        Rainbows have their head in the heavens and their feet lost somewhere on earth; sheltering a “pot of gold” or so they say. But if you soar through their beckoning gates obviously you will have to leave the gold behind. Rainbows are clearly magic, yet everyone, even skeptics, even the unimaginative, can see them. This Rainbow is a gateway to whatever we desire, if we just could figure out what it is. There’s nothing earthly about the transcendence that it promises. We’re even a little afraid of it. We’re not ready for it YET. But we’re so, so glad it’s there. Just like Serendipity itself.


        What role does luck and chance play in our lives? We are all familiar with the phrase, “The harder I work the luckier I get.” But how about chance? Chance seems to determine who will be our mate, for one thing! True, we often strategize about putting ourselves in the “right place at the right time” and we want the same thing for our kids, otherwise there wouldn’t be this deadly serious skirmishing over “the right pre-school.” We are very aware of “unlucky accidents” and try to prevent those as best with can with a seatbelt and a multi-vitamin; even those of us who smoke and gamble know that much.


        But sometimes we don’t value “good luck”, especially if it’s completely unexpected. Do we feel it’s “undeserved?” If we have children who sleep easily or get good grades do we just take that for granted while focusing on “what’s wrong?” How about our own health and good looks – not to mention the love we feel around us — are those things only “treasured” when they’re gone? I think of the woman who said she doesn’t focus on whether a glass is half empty or half full but instead on who’s going to drink it and whether she will get any?

        We need more than beauty, more than strategy, more than alliances. We need Good Luck. Serendipity is Chance. What are the odds you would walk into that grocery store, check a disused social media account, return an item, misdial a call? Our whole lives seem to be comprised of Lucky Accidents and Near Misses.

        Yes, we try to learn from them, but we are spooked as well. It’s enough to make a person superstitious, because, How can you engineer happy fortune? This way: “The harder you work the luckier you get.”

        Be there. In the right place at the right time. When you’re looking for a soulmate it’s like looking for a job – it helps if everybody knows about it. Let’s widen our opportunity to Get Lucky.

        Serendipity

        All art’s
        “Controlled Accident” –
        Maybe Love is also –
        You plus God plus
        Fate:
        Equals serendipity –
        Give up power steering
        Float – Dream – Surrender
        Unto the skid