Becoming a Goddess One Step at a Time – Make up your mind – Good morning – or bad? If you wake up fearful, fretful and exhausted, you’re a worrier. Worry borrows trouble and erases pleasure. It’s OK to plan but it’s destructive to worry. “Rumination” is endlessly thinking over a problem in a circular way – it isn’t going anywhere. If you dream only about your problems, you are at risk of wasting your valuable dreaming time.
Goddesses Build Routines – Then Explode Them
We construct lists and calendars in our Goddess Training Journals that are very much Works In Progress. Every effort’s an experiment. If you do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems, we have to build good systems. As Zig Ziglar reminds us, there’s no elevator to success. We all have to take the stairs, one step at a time. We build ourselves so strong that ultimately we can trust our subconscious, even our unconscious, to do the work for us. Goddess create independent selves to transcend their selves.
Taming Wild Mind to Focus Productively – Buddhists are fabulous at training the brain to calmness. This is a physical discipline and it does take practice. But as in any practice, we start out needing both effort and commitment. Even Goddesses have to “forgive” themselves over and over – “I suck at this.” Learning to enjoy the process is key. Meditation teaches us how to live in the present moment. You are your own adorable toddler, so mother yourself. Be delighted by the effort and moved by the commitment. You don’t yell at a toddler for falling down. Study the work of Pema Chodron (libraries everywhere) for assistance.
Your Toddler Self is Frightened by Everything. As we meditate and the fears boil up, we talk to ourselves calmingly. Focus on small, pleasurable things, the green grass, the blue sky. Give thanks for the green grass and the blue sky. Focus on the breath – out with the worry, in with the fresh day of joy and discovery. Now close your eyes. Are you still seeing the green grass and the blue sky? Isn’t that wonderful? Now they are yours forever. Tonight you will dream about them. Cherish them in your heart.
How Strong is Your Negative Voice? This is the first enemy Goddesses must defeat. We all have at least one – some of us have many. Banish them firmly. Your negative voice is belittling, angry and demeaning. It doesn’t think you can accomplish anything. It is not a helper, in fact it is toxic and we are going to tell it goodbye. Read Viktor Frankl’s wonderful Man’s Search for Meaning and Pinkola Estes’ Women Who Run With the Wolves for advice on how to pluck the lotus of joy from the mud of despair.
Goddess Opportunity – Learning to focus at our advanced age is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a daily practice of mindfulness and joy in the classroom of creation. Be proud of your effort, your commitment and the confidence you are modeling for all future generations that life itself is a dazzling gift. You are alive at this perfect moment for some perfect reason. Let us find it.
Models & Mentors – “Your habits will determine your future” – Jack Canfield
“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of success is found in your daily routine.” – John Maxwell
‘Practice isn’t something you do when you’re good. It’s what makes you good.” – Malcolm Gladwell
“It’s easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” – Benjamin Franklin
Do Goddesses Have Paperwork? – Plenty! – The path of an evolved, enlightened being is littered with maps – theoretical, hypothetical and under construction.
Goddesses Dream of a Better World – Do you dream of paths diverging in a yellow wood? Checklists? Maps? Are you talking to yourself as you follow your routine? What IS your routine? How has your routine evolved? What efforts have you made to change it to newly perceived needs and discoveries? Or is your routine formed outside you, for the benefit of others?
Goddess Dream of a Responsive Universe. If you talking to yourself throughout your routine that self-talk needs to be positive. Goddesses are accustomed to being alone during peak experiences. They must record these for history because as Virginia Woolf reminded us, nothing has happened until it has been written down. Become an encouraging coach. Don’t hold yourself hostage or nobody can complete the steps.
If You Have No Goal, Any Path Will Take You There – But you won’t like where you end up.
Goddesses are Goal-oriented. As you become more adept at change, you realize that dividing effort into “steps” to achieve a goal is critical. It won’t happen fast. Your conscious, subconscious, unconscious and collective unconscious (not to mention your pre-conscious!) are going to kick up a helluva fuss. But aligning these is the most interesting part! Change is guaranteed.
Goddesses Are Sore-Muscled Athletes – Day 2, thinking, I CAN’T DO THIS. Guess what? EVERYBODY THINKS THAT! Expect it! You treat yourself with loving compassion and cold compresses, hot baths and massage. In other words, there is an established map, a way to GET THROUGH THIS. The challenge is to CUSTOMIZE your map.
Being is Movement. As we shape the Path, it shapes us. Even the most anti-social creatures are constantly making paths for others to follow. Such delight when we uncover a ready-made Path because path-making is exhausting! A ready-made path is a mysterious invitation. All paths lead Somewhere. Every Path, Visible or not, speaks of the existence of The Other.
Paths Speak of Destination, Intention, Design, History. Paths are our Robinson Crusoe footprint. They represent Hope: this Path worked not just once, but many times. We are proud of being Path-makers, Ice-piercers in our turn, Long-distance voyagers. We lead the weary, frightened traveler of the future toward confidence and reliability.
Goddesses Use Models. We need a constantly evolving pit crew of helpers. A side effect of routine remodeling is “crazy thinking.” We all need somebody to talk us off the ledge, somebody who is familiar with not just our goals but what we are going through. Your id is always scheming to hold you hostage, and you need an experienced hostage negotiator.
Waves of “Fear” Surfacing from your collective unconscious require symbolic release and expression in art, dance, love-making, sport or theatre.
Disowned Longings from Your Subconscious threaten your secure sense of self and may require therapeutic intervention.
Unconscious Drives from Depths no one’s ever plumbed can’t be faced without the courage of a Friend or Soulmate. So, don’t try making it through this crisis without a buddy AND a coach.
Halt! AA has a useful acronym – HALT – representing:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
These are the Emotion States of Bad Decision-making. So, when you see these conditions developing – Halt. Call your hostage negotiator immediately.
Models & Mentors – “Setting goals is the first step into turning the invisible into the visible” – Tony Robbins
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not people or things”
– Albert Einstein
“A goal without a plan is just a wish” – Antoine St. Exupery
“Always remember your focus determines your reality” – George Lucas
Even in the Darkest Season, Goddesses Cherish Hope. Once you have accepted Eternity and the creation of a Soul beautiful enough to deserve it and support it, you understand that the upward spiral supports you. Evil will not win and morning will always come. Perfect love casts out fear.
Spring Always Follows Winter – after dormancy, now arrives the season best calculated to provide ideal conditions for growth. Spring is beginning, freshness, newness. It starts small – barely recognizable – the tiniest frond of green among the blackness, calling forth an answering shiver from somewhere deep inside us. We are told that very cell in our body replaces itself in seven years, so springtime is a constant within us. Hope courses through your body with every flush of oxygen and blood empowering our systems.
Hope is Goddess’ Fuel. Hope, like Justice and Love, is eternal. Do you dream of uncovering buried truths? Can you define your quest? Will it ever be over? Hope is not about “resolution” but about the process of envisioning a future you have the faith to promote. You feel a sense of awe, but also ownership and some pride. This is YOUR discovery. Now you want to share it with the whole world.
Goddess Challenge – Don’t waste your imagination on games. Games can be a training ground but all too often our society seeks to harness and entrap your energies onto a treadmill that benefits only the few. Your dreams, your aspirations, your thirst for knowledge, are wider than this. You know the complexities of the universe are even more amazing than anyone has guessed and you want to call attention to them. You need to learn how.
Hope Is a Sacred Obligation – Life persists in spite of visible entropy, In spite of darkness, in spite of destruction. Life is a perpetual motion machine fueled by hope, and Goddesses are the priestesses of life.
Goddesses Nurture Hope and Pass It On – Hope is the condition of believing better things are possible. It is mandated by the fact that all growing things need nurturing if they are to flourish. Goddesses are the mothers of the universe.
Goddess Dangers – include tunnel vision, paranoia and megalomania. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Obsession becomes obvious when harms become visible. Don’t “give up” because you can’t seem to impose your vision on the world. Are you eating and sleeping? Maintaining your relationships? You can’t achieve without a team and you need to keep your team happy & nourished. Conflating the majesty of discovery with your own personal majesty – needing that majesty – separates you from human kind and that can’t go well. It blinds you.
Paranoia Seeds Fears that others are stealing from you, riding on your coattails, tarnishing your legacy. But each patch of fresh ground you conquer leads to more discoveries. The astonishment – and the astonishers – never stop! Practice humility and gratitude. Aren’t you lucky to be a part of all this? Isn’t it wonderful?
Goddess Opportunity – Assembling a “team” is critical. TEAM isn’t a formal concept and it doesn’t mean maintaining a payroll. It requires finding the energy to keep your hope alive while keeping it realistic in the community. This implies explaining yourself over and over, developing your idea. Allow others to offer the energy of their perspectives. Even when you see them as wrong-headed, they can operate as whetstones, sharpening our vision. Most important are supporters who catch a “contact high” from the joy of your insights. This happiness creates a nourishing environment that powers us forward. Move confidently in the direction of growth and away from diminishment.
Models & Mentors – “Hope is being able to see there is light in spite of the darkness” – Desmond Tutu
“What I try to cultivate is not blind optimism but radical hope” – Junot Diaz
Be astonished. Tell about it. – Mary Oliver
“Everything that is done in this world is done by hope” – Martin Luther
“Only in darkness can you see the stars” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Goddesses Instinctively Resist Stagnation. Your conscious mind accepts stasis, which it interprets as “security”, but your subconscious rebels. It demands change! In the meanwhile, outside of your awareness, your unconscious IS changing, evolving fiercely along with the drama playing out in the entropical human race. Goddesses have the power to direct change. Tune in!
Consult Your Dreams – Dreams signal a desire for change. When was the last time you had a falling dream? Or a rushing water dream? A surprise dream or an accident dream?
Change Is Inevitable – Not just change, but revolution. Revolution is what we goddesses are all about. Cultivate flexible thinking. Don’t invest psychologically in rigid, one-way requirements.
Thought Exercise – What if everything in life were completely different? What if things turned upside down? This is the kind of planning and strategizing asked of goddesses. What’s the “Last Best Option?” Shape your change towards growth by asking, is this making me better and stronger person, or more fearful? More competent, less dependent, more unique, less compliant, more imaginative, less angry, more joyous, less envious? Evolve with me! Prepare to streamline!
Fundamental Attribution Error is thepsychological theory that we blame ourselves for world conditions over which we have no control. Check your guilt/anxiety levels. If they are raging, is there anything you can do to ameliorate the causative circumstances? Being without guilt or anxiety is NOT the goal – that would describe a sociopath! But being crippled by guilt OR anxiety when there’s nothing you can do about it is disabling. And we’re in the empowerment department here.
Goddesses Manage Their Evolution, that’s the point. Traveling ever upward along the spiral. What are the attributes you admire? Develop a picture of yourself as a wise being emitting light. Nurture calm, contentment, gratitude – in the midst of a thirst for new ideas and experiences to add to your expanding galaxy of knowledge.
Be Ready for Anything – Play out the scenarios in your Goddess Training Journal. Have a plan A, B, C. Learn chess to help with thinking of several moves ahead. Ask others, “What would you do?” As you read/watch a piece of fiction, imagine yourself inside this problem. You can also learn a lot from history. Start a “What IF? Club” in which members dream up survival scenarios. Play the game Worst Case Scenario.
Models & Mentors – “Progress is impossible without change”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Change is the law of life. Those who look only to past and present are certain to miss the future.” – John F. Kennedy
“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability but comes after continuous struggle.” – Martin Luther King
“It is not the strongest of our species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change” – Charles Darwin
No One Becomes a Goddess Without Discipline – Many fatally confuse discipline with punishment and avoid it until they sadly discover they’re now too debilitated to do anything. Uh oh! Don’t let this happen to you!
Map-Making Means Map-Following – We adjust maps on the basis of experience. But we try them out first. Or we won’t know where they went wrong. Goddesses are logical, not impulsive. Because impulses are outer-directed. Being a Goddess means being in control. Don’t apply if you don’t like being in control. Goddesses dislike the feeling of being out of control.
You’re Out of Control When You Don’t Know Where Impulses Are Coming From – Lots of cues are subliminal and their directors want to keep it that way. They want you to think the desire is coming from INSIDE the house, not from their strategy room where bills are piling up.
You Become a Goddess by Getting to Know Yourself – YOUR ESSENTIAL SELF – that’s what makes you strong. Goddesses take the time to track the origin of their impulses down.
Do I want it because I’ve done it before?
Do I want it because other people are doing it?
Do I want it because SOMEBODY ELSE insists?
Do I want it because of advertisers & influencers?
Do I need it to Join the Club?
You’ve probably figured out Goddesses aren’t “Joiners.”
If you’re “used” to whatever it is, get “unused” to it. You’re in Goddess training, and it’s a whole new world. Relish the different feelings. If you sense you’re becoming unglued, contemplate substitutions. You don’t need to go Cold Turkey on Pleasure, the Past, or your own physiology. What you need to do is get your body and mind acquainted with Trying New Things because of respectable scientific research says it will build you into the new person you need to be.
Get loose from “the pack” right now. If you can’t, you’re not Goddess material. There’s two kinds of people, “swarmers” and “selves.” Swarmers don’t want to develop a self because it differentiates them from the pack. They want to do whatever the swarm is doing. It takes time – and can be ouchy – to develop a Self but the payoff is literally Eternal. Take the time. Or go down with the swarm if that sounds better.
You’re being pressured to Follow a Course that suits Somebody Else. Let’s take a long look at this person and ask ourselves why they don’t care about our betterment, or who the hell we really are, or even anything other than their own Ego. Why are we servicing this person’s ego? We need to get AWAY from this person. They want a hostage or a slave or both.
We’ve been seduced by the Virtual World! It felt so good at the time. For a moment there it felt like maybe we found Our People. And they seemed so welcoming! Of course there is a price of admission, and you keep paying it with your denigration, not just in the service of someone’s ego, but a lot of people’s bank accounts. Figure out a way to tell these False Friends goodbye.
From our Subconscious We Summon Rescue. In dreams sometimes it’s a hero, a fictional or historic figure or a spirit animal. Try reading folk or fairy tales right before bed. Fall asleep imagining strengthening muscles – physical, spiritual, emotional – growing inside you.
You are Jack AND the Beanstalk! No giant can stand against you. Even the laziest, cruelest corner of the self ultimately collapses to reveal a Tiny Child yearning for effective mothering. Turns out, that’s what you were looking for all along. Time to give birth to yourself, then mother yourself.
Discipline is the Only Path to Achieving What We Want. Nothing is achieved (or appreciated!) without discipline, which only means conforming your behavior to a previously conceived pattern. What ideas spring up when you think about this? Is “discipline” always cruel? Painful? Is it one of your fears? Or the map to the orderly life you long for?
You Are Your Best Friend and Best Parent – Nothing works in your life until you learn delayed gratification and stick-to-itiveness. But first you must experiment with other patterns – some of which –depending on your upbringing – can be hellish. So you have THAT to get past. You will definitely need to harness all your dream power to get yourself over the finish line.
Goddesses Adapt Discipline to Enhance Thriving. But who’s doing the adapting – the Cruel Taskmaster, the Disgusted Lover, the Generous Parent or the Permissive Saint? You contain all these (and they live in your dreams) so which will you listen to? Who will you empower? Who do you feed?
The Choice You Make Controls your Future. Consult appealing patterns that have worked for others and blend to taste. Realize it’s a process; a series of moments. You’re training like an athlete; every day you master new capabilities. Develop a sophisticated discernment you can trust to guide you.
Goddesses Set Marks and Hit Them – Forming habits is easier than breaking them apart, so goddess know that preventing bad habits is the core of discipline. But bad habits sneak up on us, they will form anyway, so part of your discipline will always be turning away from something that was formerly pleasurable. Enjoy the peace that comes with each small step.
Goddesses Know How to Keep Going – Discipline is the bridge that gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Always use a “spotter” – someone who wants the best for you – a professional who’s “been there” and who can keep you from going over the edge.
Goddesses Celebrate Their Discipline – Self-acceptance comes from experiencing our humanity to the fullest. We are “parenting” our much-loved and respected self, the one who starts out as a toddler with no self-control whom we’re trying to keep out of the fire. Forgive yourself. And keep going.
Make Discipline Visual – Charts, maps, graphs and lists that hearten & cheer are key to purposeful pathways. Figure out a way to picture your values. Checking off boxes and cherishing the “proof” of a successful day becomes your joy.
Models & Mentors – “Through self-discipline comes freedom” – Aristotle
“Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you going” – John C. Maxwell
“All success begins with self-discipline. It starts with you.” – Dwayne Johnson
‘Day by day – what you choose, what you think, what you do, is who you become” – Heraclitus
Goddessesthirst after justice. Do you dream of a fully lit landscape? Do you bask in warm rays or feel trapped by skin-scorching light? As the Sun represents Truth in the Goddess Oracle it also sheds light on our efforts to locate, explain and exploit that mysterious force.
Goddesses Are Bullshit Detectors – Throughout life you will encounter people searching others for weapons and tools. They will try to make a weapon and a tool out of you. This is why understanding the give and take nature of true partnership is so key. When you are searching for a Teacher you are not searching for a Master. Use Truth to divine the difference.
You Are a Truth Diviner – Truth is complex. Truth evolves to match our understanding. Dream are incontestably “real” but do they represent “Truth”? Can something be true one day and untrue the next? (see Ambivalence.) Is the storytelling child narrating “the truth”? Are myths true? Is the Bible true? Yes to all these questions. But No, also. Because the most important fact about truth is that, like us, it’s either progressive or regressive. You easily recognize this in your own life. Goddesses evolve. Immortality is a process. Something that was true of you twenty years ago is no longer true. You have changed. Understandably, in a chaotic climate such as our present circumstances, people thirst for Unchanging Truth, and there are a few examples. Benjamin Franklin offered Death and Taxes, Jesus said evil can’t win, and Buddha said life itself is an illusion.
It is enough to make us think that language is a poor descriptor of experience. The important variable in all this are the circumstances of humanity. We are the eyes that think, the brain that evaluates, the mind that remembers. You are constantly developing Goddess Skills – Truth Seeking, Truth Telling and Truth Divining – and you are developing definitions. Congratulate yourself. Support yourself and others on this noblest of enterprises. Because to die in the Truth is to pass into the Light.
The Truth Matters – Lying is the biggest red flag, and the question always is, why? Can your interlocutor not bear the truth or do they not know the truth? Do they attempt to fool others to take advantage? Law asks the question: who benefits? How would they take control if you accepted their falsity?
Goddesses Accept the Physics of Reality – Does the Liar promote growth and health, or suffering and squalor? Followers may be sickening and dying slowly, but you can quickly see that in the Liar’s universe, the benefit of others is never as important as leader gratification.
Goddesses Understand Emotional Health – Challenge is necessary for growth. The fact that subjects are uncomfortable is usually a good reason to take a long look. Effort is important but not to the point of depletion. Who maintains the resources that refresh the spirit?
You Are Worthy of Support & Self-Care – Rest, health, nourishment, fellowship and learning are the riches of the universe that should be available to all but usually require positive effort.
Goddess Challenge – It’s so relaxing when you finally see the Truth. Suddenly you’re in the gulf stream, swimming WITH the tide! This is why fans love mystery stories – they explain what was REALLY going on and you see all past events in a new light with a new meaning. Daily life seems to request one hideous compromise after another fro ordinary humans until they wake up one morning feeling that we are lying to everybody – ourselves included. The Goddess’s Challenge – should you accept it – is to bring your life more in harmony with what you currently know to be true, all the while seeking a higher elevation of The Truth.
Goddess Danger – Nobody likes a hard-ass. Is your quest for truth turning you into a rigid, mean-spirited drill sergeant? I used to be authoritatively told by Literary Lights that the mysteries I loved weren’t any good, that no way was Raymond Chandler as good as John Steinbeck. Worse, Emily Bronte wasn’t as good as Philip Roth! Ugh! I did appreciate that what was “true” for others was NOT true for me but unfortunately for me, THEY did not appreciate that. So, be humble. You can never see (or reveal) all the Truth. It will evolve as you will. Goddesses are “perfected” when they are received into Bliss. You’re not required to believe in Bliss, by the way. Bliss believes in you.
Goddess Opportunity –Truth, like everything interesting, meaningful and worth doing, is a PROCESS. Welcome aboard! We’re all passengers on this exciting thrill-ride! So buckle up! Assemble a team! Get out your journal! Let’s begin!
Models & Mentors – “The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.” – David Foster Wallace
“In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act” – George Orwell
“Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool you have” – Oprah Winfrey
“Truth is like the Sun. You can shut it out for a while, but it ain’t going away”
Goddesses Plan Their Path. Time to re-calibrate your subconscious influences and bring them into mindfulness. What subconscious influences? You don’t “know” this pressure with your rational mind, but you can “feel” it down in your animal soul. Something is pressing on you, like gravity, the way the moon’s pressure rolls and presses on our tidal waters.
Goddesses Understand Their Secrets – You begin, like everyone, as a secret to yourself. Your subconscious has the answers. Yet she only reveals herself covertly. Time for some dream interpretation. Object dreams are fear dreams, people dreams are love dreams, motion dreams are future dreams. Don’t look for rigid accuracy – we seek connections, not edges, interpretations, not walls and blocks. The purpose of dreaming is to splinter blocks. If you are a writer, automatic writing reveals what you think about. Collect pictures that speak to you and collage them from insight. Try to name the figures.
Goddess Are in Tune with the Universe – The opposite of fear, remember, is attraction, the opposite of love is hate and the opposite of forward yearning for the future is stasis. Each life pulse contains its opposite. Goddesses must learn many languages, of which the most important are non-verbal. The sky, the moon, the stars, the animals, history, the past, the plants, the dead, the future – all are reaching out to you. Be unafraid to listen and interpret.
Goddess Are Aware of the Unseen – We are all under influences of forces we have never even heard of, yet the Goddess’s Quest is to own their Self and present it in its most beautiful incarnation, to God, as worthy of Immortality. To understand who we are at our core is to perfect our obligation of thriving and giving.
Goddess Danger – We seek to heighten, not damage, your self-will. Others in your life – relative, friends, advertisers, politicians – are trying to take control of you. Don’t let them. The way to stop that is to take control of your fears yourself, so that you will never be ruled by them. Always seek a way upward. The direction of the spiral must always be UP.
Some influences are demonic and purely destructive. We stand up to them, we name them, we reject them. We learn their weaknesses and their targets. If necessary, we will battle them.
Goddess Challenge – Recognize Health, in yourself and others. Promote growth in yourself and others. Goddesses may refuse to engage, but they never cut people down. Take time for retreat, to build yourself and your powers and to recognize and name where you have come from and what you have battled. Treasure your Goddess Journal, share it, learn to profit from the trainings and maps of others. Build partnerships. Work on your Gratitude Practice – this is a glorious universe the God/Goddess deigns to share with us; from Love alone.
Models & Mentors – “Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars” – J. R. R Tolkien
“Like the Moon, come out from behind the clouds. Shine!”– Buddha
“Everyone is a Moon, and has a dark side he never shows to anybody”- Mark Twain
– KITCHEN set, bar with overhead wineglass and pot rack, burners steaming ( ZOYAorchestrates the food)
ZOYA
Stevie, could you open the wine and let it breathe?
(Clutches her own throat)
No one wants a strangled wine.
CHASE
Jazz drinks any kind of wine.
ZOYA
Jazz? What kind of name is that?
JAZZ
It’s a nickname. My name is Jasmyn Suzino.
ZOYA
(Thawing. She is cautious and protective, not mean)
If you’re important to my son I’m so glad you’re here.
CHASE
She’s very important to me.
ZOYA
I hope you like Welsh rarebit and Coquille Saint Jacques.
JAZZ
Sounds delicious. I hear you do your own cooking?
(CHASE takes bottle and opener from his mother.)
ZOYA
Love is the main ingredient, I always say. Red or white?
(She pulls down wineglasses from the overhead rack. There are several bottles of wine.CHASEopens them one after the other. JAZZ looks a little scared as if she might have to drink all this)
JAZZ
Oh, whatever. May I have ice, please?
CHASE
(Being a Farrell)
No.
ZOYA
Oh, for heavens sake let her have whatever she wants! Lemon, sugar! Anything! This is a party!
(Slaps out an ice bucket)
CHASE
Taste it without ice first. It’s Christmas wine from Lebanon.
JAZZ
Wow. Delicious. You’re right….forget the ice.
(JAZZsits at the bar – ZOYAblots the corner of JAZZ’s mouth with a napkin, lays napkins down. What with spoons and potlids, she gives an impression of sacred priestess juggling sacred tools)
CHASE
Mom made all this lace herself.
JAZZ
Awesome. Exquisite. I didn’t know humans made lace.
CHASE
Mom was beaten into submission by nuns. You propitiate the gods by giving them lace.
ZOYA
(Raps him sharply with a spoon)
Stevie, you heretic! What will our guest think?
CHASE
“Make our damn lace or be consumed by the Holocaust!”
ZOYA
Stevie! Oh, what’s the use? You’ll never change. I forgive you.
JAZZ
Uh, the flowers on that cake look almost real.
ZOYA
I love making sugar flowers. Those are lilies and camellias. I wore them at my wedding.
CHASE
Mom studied pastry making at the Cordon Bleu in Paris.
ZOYA
It was just a summer course. Canapés or crudités?
CHASE
Crudity always.
JAZZ
(ToCHASE)
Paris! Were you there?
CHASE
Naw. I was just a bullet in my father’s bandolier in those days.
ZOYA
Oh, Stevie! You’re such a silly! How I love you! No, he’s never been to Paris. We’ve not been back. That was our honeymoon, so long, long ago.
(Seems like she might cry)
It’s so hard to keep the rarebit from separating.
(sniffs – offers a plate)
Duck pâté?
JAZZ
Er, sure.
(ZOYA and CHASE toss off their wine, he refills their glasses. JAZZ holds hers against her chest. ZOYA reaches down a platter)
ZOYA
I love to cook! Following a recipe to make things right. I wish people ate more, but they’re always on such weird diets. Cyanne’s a vegan who won’t eat gluten. Everything’s changed. I used to pick my own watercress but now I’m afraid of the fisher cats.
CHASE
Fishers eat squirrels, mom, not people.
ZOYA
Somebody needs to eat those squirrels. They’re too assertive. But it’s the fisher cats who scream – like someone being murdered.
CHASE
They’re nocturnal, Mom. And watercress is out of season.
ZOYA
(Fighting back tears)
So how does your family celebrate grand occasions, Jasmyn? I’m sure it’s something more splendid than a homely family party.
JAZZ
(nervous)
We make a lot of toasts.
(She lifts her glass. ZOYAandCHASEboth drain their glasses and immediately refill as if that’s what etiquette requires)
ZOYA
Stevie, you say the blessing.
CHASE
You’re going to have to stop calling me that, Mom. My name is Chase.
ZOYA
But that’s a stupid name. It doesn’t mean anything. Steven was your grandfather’s name.
CHASE
But he’s gone. You want me to be gone?
ZOYA
I’m praying you never leave again.
(Lifts her glass)
Zemlya pukhom!
CHASE
It’s your birthday, Mom. We toast to you.
(He raises his glass)
ZOYA
(Abashed, almost frightened.)
No more bad luck. I’m not fit to catch God’s eye. Dolgaya zhizn!
JAZZ
What’s that mean?
CHASE
Long life.
JAZZ
Long life!
(They drink. A moment of happiness. Enter CUTTER FARRELLdressed as if for wild weather. CUTTER slowly removes outer gear but continues to play with belt – appraising the group as if wondering who to use it on. He is a cold, cold-eyed man, a paler, blockier version of CHASE. Accepts drink from placatory ZOYA)
CUTTER
Filthy night. What have we here?
ZOYA
Stevie brought a friend to my birthday party! Isn’t that exciting?
CUTTER
(Takes drink, cranes his neck insultingly)
Little Stevie brought a date? Where is he? I don’t see him.
(JAZZsteps up bravely and offers her hand)
JAZZ
Hi, I’m Jasmyn Suzino.
(CUTTERtakes her hand and presses it to his chest, looking her up and down at his leisure)
CUTTER
Where did this dark-eyed beauty spring from? Be still my loins. I’m Cutter Farrell, young lady. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
JAZZ
(Awkwardly)
I go to school with Chase. Er – Steven.
CUTTER
Bet you met him yesterday.
(JAZZ reacts as though this might be true. CHASE steps forward, detaches JAZZ’s arm)
CHASE
Pick on someone in your own weight class, Dad.
CUTTER
And that would be you? I’ve heard braggadocio but I’m getting tired waiting.
ZOYA
(Panicky)
Please don’t fight. It’s my birthday.
CUTTER
I don’t like surprises. That’s all.
(Pops some savory in his mouth and drains half his drink)
So. Suzino. What kind of a name is that?
JAZZ
It’s Portuguese.
CUTTER
Is there a Dad in your picture?
JAZZ
(After a beat)
Not really.
CUTTER
That’s the Portuguese in him. We Irish, now, keep families together. We hang on till every lost dog is drawn and quartered.
(ZOYAsnaps tensely atCHASEwho is eating)
ZOYA
(Spanks his arm with her lace napkin)
Don’t double dip, darling! It’s disgusting!
(Blots her forehead)
I’m sorry.
CUTTER
(Poking freely among the crudités tray)
When’s dinner?
(ZOYAclatters pot lids hopelessly)
ZOYA
Half an hour. Forty-five minutes.
CUTTER
Just enough time for a private pow-wow. Bring your drinks, kids. You’ll need them.
CHASE
No thank you.
CUTTER
I’ve got a business proposition for you. Come along now: fair’s fair. You’ve got to give me a chance to get my money back. All the cash I spent on you…
CHASE
I’m not putting my money into any of your schemes.
(CUTTERtakesJAZZ’s arm)
CUTTER
Fine. Then your little girlfriend and I will have a sit down. You stay out here with Mummy the way you always preferred, Jasmyn and I will have a heart to heart and find out what’s what.
ZOYA
(Desperate)
Cutter, please!
CUTTER
You cook, dumpling, I’ll entertain our guests.
ZOYA
By arguing?
CUTTER
I only stand up for what’s mine.
(ToCHASEwho’s sliding unwillingly off his barstool)
You’re going to wantto see this. Believe me. It’s the next biggest thing, and I’m offering you a buy-in on the ground floor.
CUTTER’S DEN- SCENE XIV. Macho and dark; leather furniture, deer head, creels and powder horns, gun rack
CUTTER
So, what are you studying in this college of yours?
JAZZ
We’re participating in a research experiment.
CUTTER
I’ll bet you are. Anything to do with the Internet?
JAZZ
The Internet?
CUTTER
(Shaking his head as he looks atCHASE)
Where do you get these girls? You haven’t heard of the Internet, young missy? The World Wide Web?
JAZZ
(Blushing but controlling herself at a warning look fromCHASE)
It has nothing to do with that.
CUTTER
(Studying her speculatively)
Well, I can’t answer for how they behave in Portugal, but it’s possible you were pimped out without your knowledge.
(Picks up a video controller. CHASEandJAZZstares stupefied at a screen that flickers dancing shapes over their faces)
CUTTER
Look what your boyfriend got you into! It’s a game, see? You can make them do any combination, anything you want.
(Struggles with his controller)
How do you make this thing go frame by frame?
JAZZ
Oh, my God. It’s US!
CHASE
Turn that thing off!
(CHASElunges for his Dad, they tussle, CUTTER playing “keep away” with remote)
CUTTER
Wait, wait –the good part is coming up!
(CHASE succeeds in dashing controller to floor, screen light goes off)
Here’s a fine thing for a father to have to see! You could at least ensure they disguise the faces – but you all make yourselves so recognizable with those tattoos. Nice birthday gift for mommy, wouldn’t you say?
(CHASE lunging – they are full-on wrestling)
CUTTER
This idea’s worth millions – unless you sign away your rights – AGAIN. But that’s what you do, isn’t it? Anything rather than take dad’s advice! Why don’t you hit me, since you’ve been longing to. Go ahead – hit your father!
(CHASEmanages to turn off screen, throw remote, pushes CUTTER away)
CHASE
Come on, Jazz, let’s get out of here.
CUTTER
I suppose you’ll claim that was art.
(Heavy fake Irish accent)
Will you be taking it around to the festivals now? Put it up for the booby prize?
CHASE
You’re dead to me.
(Dragging JAZZ away)
CUTTER
I’m dead to you, you spineless party pooper?I’mdead toyou?
(ZOYA appears holding a wine opener pushed to her neck)
ZOYA
I’m dead to everyone and nobody noticed!Nobody even noticed!
(JAZZ tries to go to her, CHASE pulls her away downstage – lights off on FARRELL RESIDENCE)
(Getting up her nerve…calling after CHARMAYNE …too late)
Like you speak French!
(Goes to sit disconsolately on a boulder.)
This is MY story and I’m not letting her tell it.
(A beachily dressed; closely shaved man with a metal detector comes up the beach slowly. Investigating.)
WHITNEY
Hey! Don’t you know this is private property?
EIGHT
Only to the waterline. No one owns the ocean. Which means it belongs to everyone. This your place?
WHITNEY
No. Belongs to my stepmother. The place she sold to buy this one was the house I grew up in.
EIGHT
So now you’re free. Like me.
WHITNEY
(Watches him work)
Who are you? What are you doing?
EIGHT
I’m a beachcomber and a treasure hunter. Name’s Eight. Like Pieces of Eight.
WHITNEY
Is that what you find?
EIGHT
I find everything eventually. Look at this.
(She comes closer)
WHITNEY
What is it?
EIGHT
Prehistoric shark’s tooth.
WHITNEY
Looks like an arrowhead.
EIGHT
They could have used it for that. You want it?
(She shrinks from contact)
WHITNEY
I don’t know. What would I do with it?
EIGHT
(Lifts his arm)
Treasure seekers help other treasure seekers. It’s the beachcomber’s code. Otherwise it goes back to the sea.
WHITNEY
Then I’ll take it.
(Turns it over in her hands.)
I wish it was a magic charm.
EIGHT
Really? Why’s that?
WHITNEY
I need magic to fight her.
(Gesticulates at house and whispers)
She’s a demon.
EIGHT
You mean demonic? Or an actual demon?
WHITNEY
I mean an actual demon. Like from another planet.
EIGHT
Most demons are homegrown.
WHITNEY
This one cultivates magic. Reads Tarot. Calls herself The Queen of Swords.
EIGHT
That’s nothing but a pack of cards. No magic there.
WHITNEY
She murdered my father. I know it.
(A beat. Game change.)
EIGHT
You sure of that?
WHITNEY
Absolutely certain. He had this neurological condition, and he hired her to be his attendant. She wasn’t qualified – not at all. He had me sit in the interviews since I lived there too. I could see how taken with her he was. I begged him not to do it but –
(she shrugs sadly)
EIGHT
Let me guess. She was a sight for sore eyes.
WHITNEY
(Nodding)
Yeah. But so fake, though! Fake everything: hair, breasts, accent. Fake résumé, even. But he didn’t want to see through her. He just didn’t care.
EIGHT
I get it. He wanted to take his own path to health.
WHITNEY
He wanted to grab for the gusto. As soon as they were married –
(Slits her own throat with a finger.)
EIGHT
Any idea how she did it?
WHITNEY
Smothering? Drugs? It wouldn’t have been hard. She cremated him right away and there wasn’t even an autopsy.
EIGHT
Did you tell anybody?
WHITNEY
I told everybody. But she has them all under her spell. People were relieved he was gone! Less trouble for everybody. Even my sisters who – neither of them can stand Charmayne – said, “Well, at least he died happy!” I was the only one who even missed him. He was already old when we were born, you see. Darby – that’s my oldest sister – said – “Oh, he’d been gone a long time already. Can’t you see that?” And McKenzie – she’s the other one – said – “Everyone dies “unnaturally” nowadays. That’s what death is.” I was the only one who thought it was wrong. My dad said the only education worth having is learning to tell right from wrong.
EIGHT
I get it. You thirst after righteousness.
WHITNEY
Justice. Justice is what I want. People keep telling me it doesn’t exist.
EIGHT
Are you certain it’s not revenge you’re looking for?
WHITNEY
Well, that would be nice too. I mean, she makes me so mad. Don’t you feel it? Wouldn’t anyone? But justice is what I’ll settle for.
EIGHT
It’s a bad situation.
WHITNEY
You don’t know what a relief it is to have someone actually listen to me. I even – one day – I saw him.
EIGHT
You saw him? Your father’s – ghost?
WHITNEY
(Nodding vigorously)
I did.
EIGHT
Was he all about vengeance?
WHITNEY
He didn’t speak.
(Tears up.)
He just showed up in my room at college – probably the same moment she was killing him – and looked at me so sadly. I knew it was some kind of vision because he was his younger self – from before he had his stroke. I thought he was angry at me. Going away to school and leaving him alone with Charmayne – maybe I let him down.
EIGHT
Hey, you told him not to hire her. I mean, you were just a kid! What could you do?
WHITNEY
He admired people who “spoke truth to power”. He wanted me to be self-sufficient, use logic and hone my own instincts. She was awful to him! She made him beg for water. I saw it.
EIGHT
Sounds like a demon all right.
WHITNEY
“Withholding hydration” they call it. I should have protected him, the way he always protected me. He said I was his intellectual heir.
EIGHT
Are we talking money?
WHITNEY
No, I don’t mean that. We already had trust funds and things. What I mean is, he told me I was like him, that I had the same kind of mind. He said knowledge is everything and you have to cultivate a bullshit detector. Even though I was the youngest – me and my sisters have different mothers – he told everyone only I was fit to stand in his shoes.
EIGHT
Well, I’m starting to see why your sisters might not want to cooperate.
WHITNEY
People have to stand up for what they believe!
(Very earnestly.)
EIGHT
You blush when you’re angry.
WHITNEY
I blush whenever there’s another person in the room. But what do you think I should do? I’m scared of her. She threatened me.
EIGHT
How?
WHITNEY
She said I’m nothing and she created everything. She’ll send me back into the darkness. She wants to “tell my fortune” so she can predict all the terrible things that are going to happen to me. When she calls herself Queen of Swords, she tries to sound like she’s Master of the Universe.
EIGHT
Sounds like a con artist to me. They just feel around for anything someone will believe. Don’t let her get the drop on you.
WHITNEY
But what if those cards tell the future?
EIGHT
Tarot’s just another dead language, Whitney. You could learn it if you really wanted to. Language shapes how people think.
(Taps his head)
Don’t meet her on her turf. Predators like their prey frozen. And confused.
WHITNEY
How did you know my name?
EIGHT
I hang around. I hear things.
WHITNEY
So, you’re an eavesdropper.
EIGHT
Treasure seekers are serendipitous. We pick up what we can find.
WHITNEY
Well, you can’t pick me up.
EIGHT
(Still working his stretch of beach)
I wouldn’t dream of it.
WHITNEY
(not thrilled to hear this)
But what if she really is magic? It seems that way sometimes. I don’t know how to stand up to her.
EIGHT
Don’t sideline yourself so quick. You’re here, aren’t you? A person who can see the dead can do anything. Magic’s a game and anyone can play. Games are about rule-making – about control – gaining advantage on somebody, Whit.
WHITNEY
My father said never to play a game that’s rigged.
EIGHT
What if its rigged in your favor? And this one is. You know what happens to murderers?
WHITNEY
I’m hoping they get caught.
EIGHT
The truth will out.
WHITNEY
(Looking nervously up at the house)
Charmayne thinks she’s indestructible.
EIGHT
Wow. Sounds like a dare. I’m partial to dares myself.
WHITNEY
She says anything anybody tries to do to her comes back on them a million times. That it’s pointless to fight her. But I’m not giving up. You see why (looks at the tooth) I might need all the magic I can get?
EIGHT
Make her play your game.
WHITNEY
I’d love to see that! What do I do? Exactly?
EIGHT
Today’s your lucky day. I just happen to know some magic.
WHITNEY
Is that part of being a treasure seeker?
EIGHT
Sure. First, you master the elements. That’s way bigger magic than flipping cards and cutting off old men’s hydration.
WHITNEY
(Skeptical)
So how’d you that?
EIGHT
I’ve been swept out to sea. I’ve been buried in sand and I’ve been frozen in snow.
WHITNEY
We’re going to need way bigger magic than that.
EIGHT
See this mark on the top of my head?
WHITNEY
(Rubbing his head)
Looks like scars! Where did they come from?
EIGHT
I had a demon of my own. Once.
WHITNEY
You did?
EIGHT
Yeah, and he was hard to destroy. Took a piece out of me, I can tell you. He marked me right here.
WHITNEY
(Very hopeful)
Did you mark him?
EIGHT
I told you I destroyed him. And then I marked myself.
(Opens his Hawaiian shirt to show tattoo)
WHITNEY
(Reading)
“Be not Afraid.” How’s that help anything?
EIGHT
It’s a reminder.
WHITNEY
But you defeated him?
EIGHT
Sure did. He’s locked in a box and he’ll never get out. That’s what sent me wandering.
WHITNEY
How come?
EIGHT
Because every action produces an opposite reaction. He’s static, I’m in motion. Searching.
WHITNEY
But if he’s still alive…can’t he still hurt you?
EIGHT
No. He’s lost all his power. But I did have to take control. And I had to work on setting myself free.
WHITNEY
(Flouncing down onto the beach)
I’d rather just kill her. Serve her right.
EIGHT
No, no; don’t give her that. That’s what she wants.
WHITNEY
Trust me, that is NOT what she WANTS.
EIGHT
(Nodding vigorously)
Trust ME, it is. She’s hoping to turn you into HER. She’d have a new young life, a new young body. I’m not sure anyone could rescue you then.
WHITNEY
So tell me what you think I should I do.
EIGHT
Play it by the Bible. You’ve got to call a demon by its name.
WHITNEY
(Unimpressed)
Really? The Bible? That’s all you’ve got?
EIGHT
Hey, the Bible’s full of demons.
WHITNEY
So how do I learn her name? Tell me.
EIGHT
You said she had a fake everything. If that fake résumé still exists. I’d start there.
WHITNEY
(Arms crossed)
She probably destroyed every copy. Then what?
EIGHT
Don’t be a “yes, but”. You know she’s got secrets. The past’s the best predictor of the future. Find out her past and make sure she knows you know. Believe me, suddenly she’ll find you the most interesting person on the planet.
WHITNEY
Why’s that?
EIGHT
Because here’s the secret. Demons long to be revealed. If she invites you to dance –
(Does a little dance, waltzing the metal detector)
Dance with her. Then – suddenly, at the time of your choosing you – step aside.
WHITNEY
Step aside?
EIGHT
(Involving her in his dance)
Step aside. Let her own momentum bring her down.
WHITNEY
(Very frustrated, dancing like she has two left feet)
I‘ll never get it.
EIGHT
First you have to tell your own fortune. Then you tell hers.
(Heads off down the beach while she’s thinking about it)
WHITNEY
She’ll try to put ideas in my head!
EIGHT
But if she’s a demon, your ideas are stronger than her ideas.
WHITNEY
You don’t know how persuasive she can be.
EIGHT
(From the end of the beach)
Oh, I know.
WHITNEY
Wait! Where are you going?
EIGHT
I’ve got to get moving. I only found one treasure here.
WHITNEY
And you gave it away.
EIGHT
(Looking at her meaningfully)
That’s not the one I mean.
(Resumes his quest)
WHITNEY
Wait, wait! Give me your phone number!
(Pulls out her phone)
EIGHT
I don’t use those things.
WHITNEY
But where can I find you? When will I see you again?
EIGHT
Don’t worry. I’m always around. I like this beach.
CHARACTERS (4) Charmayne: a beautiful, powerful woman just at the drop off point into middle age Whitney: a stubborn, determined girl on the cusp of adulthood who doesn’t give a damn about her looks Eight: mysterious male beachcomber, late 20’s The Guardians of the Past: (can be played by a single actor) Dr Quantreau: elderly male in fishing regalia Mrs. Preece: bug-eyed, spry, elderly woman Mr. Butterbatch: an old man leaning on his broom; a fount of knowledge Mrs. Davish: motherly, grave-tending woman
SCENES:
A “beach cottage” exterior in the Hamptons & beach
The basement “stacks” of a community college library
Hamptons beach
Empty strip club “Guilty Pleasures” in the early morning
Hamptons
Dead Lake Cemetery
SCENE 1 (Morning. The seaside. Corner of a Hamptons-type “cottage”, boulder, hammock, patio set, easy chair, beachplum. WHITNEY forcefully banging on the door.)
WHITNEY This is MY story and she DOESN’T get to tell it! Charmayne!! Charmayne!!
(Through the French windows above the front door we see a man and a woman waltzing together. CHARMAYNE, expensively dressed for glittering “sport” opens the doors and leans out over the balcony. Man hovers in background. All we can see of him is his lithe figure, a glitter of gold necklaces and a shirt open to the navel. )
CHARMAYNE Go away little Whitney. Can’t you see its time for my fencing lesson?
(Making cha-cha moves)
WHITNEY Is that what you call it?
CHARMAYNE That’s what everyone calls it. You’d do well to engage in a little exercise plan of your own.
(WHITNEY resumes hammering on door which CHARMAYNE eventually opens carrying a pair of old-fashioned sabers, one in each hand. Door closes behind so WHITNEY can’t see in)
CHARMAYNE (Swinging the swords in her hands)
Really, Whitney. Hasn’t anyone ever told you how unattractive it is to make a pest out of yourself?
WHITNEY Why can’t I go in?
CHARMAYNE (Briskly) Because it’s my house now, Whitney. I don’t want you to see it till it’s done. It’s going to be a work of art. This morning I had the carpet men; this afternoon I had the drapery men, and this evening…(sniffs the air)
WHITNEY That’s a lot of men.
CHARMAYNE One shouldn’t be afraid of these things, Whitney. And this evening… Who knows what the evening holds? En garde!
(She treats WHITNEY to a frightening display of swordswomanship. WHITNEY tries to remain calm)
WHITNEY I didn’t come to see your games.
CHARMAYNE These aren’t games, poor little Whitney, these are the skills of life. Look! I’ll show you a few moves!
(Tosses a saber at WHITNEY who ducks – it clatters away.) Oh, Whitney, you’re no fun. You really need to step more boldly in the world.
WHITNEY (A little sad, childishly punctured. She’s easy game)
I’m here, aren’t I? I like fishing. And skeet shooting.
CHARMAYNE Both of those can be done from an easy chair! Where’s the challenge in that? Why not crouch in a dark basement under a garden hose waiting for rats to skitter past if that’s all you’re going to do.
WHITNEY Seriously, when am I going to see inside? I just wondered…you know, about the family things…
CHARMAYNE There are no family things I like everything new. Antiques are a fraud perpetrated on the unwary. Don’t you remember we agreed you’d give me twenty-four hours notice before showing up?
WHITNEY I doubt we ever agreed about anything.
CHARMAYNE I’m afraid your lack of planning doesn’t constitute my emergency.
WHITNEY I’m giving you twenty-four hours notice now, then.
CHARMAYNE I’m so sorry, no can do tomorrow. How about Thursday?
WHITNEY (Like she’s never heard of it)
Thursday!!
CHARMAYNE (Silky)
Do try to squeeze it in. Young people fetishize spontaneity. When you’re all grown up I’m sure you’ll realize everything worth having comes through careful planning. Shall we say “tea?” Cinq à sept is my favorite hour. Ta ta, then.
Alysse Aallyn 