Fourteen and I used to be bored. Winter breaks were especially glacial
Till just recently –
Right before dinner Mom Put her head around my door : “You won’t believe what happened!” What could excite such A dull person?
But I lacked comparisons because This never happened before. Slammed my book shut because – Geometry is paralyzing – And joined the Guessing game.
“We won Powerball?” “Your sister’s coming home! To get married!” I hadn’t seen Mirabel –ten years older – in eight years. Truth to tell, I could barely remember her. A lifetime ago. “Why?”
Mom – never invited in – Leaned against the INSIDE Of my door. “Make up for the past.” Is that even possible? Or does she want a free wedding?
Mirabel was ALWAYS Always always always About the money. “So who’s she marrying?” “I think his name was something like Rupert Golden.”
“I didn’t want to ask her to wait while I got a pen. She said she’d send details. You know how she hates Snooping.” Everyone hates snooping, I thought.
Mirabel hates Accountability. Snooping can be fun If you’re the one doing it. Addictive. “Rupert Golden’s no real name,” was all I had To contribute. Mom gave me her “Like you’re the expert” face.
But fourteen year olds DO Know everything. We just forget Distracted so easily. We’ll be a whole family again for the first time in – ages.” So she can leave us again, I thought.
I knew. I’d always been Weirdly tuned from Mirabel “Murble” I called her When I learned to speak The dazzling goddess of my Dappled infancy.
Parents are nonsensical. All they cared was that She was willing to pretend for whatever short period that things are copacetic at the family manse.
Parents love pretending. “When’s this happening happening?’ “Unsettled,” said Mom. “She wants your help to buy a dress.” “Me?”
Up to that second I’d been a Peeper at The Family Drama. Did I want to participate? What choice did I have?
“You’ll be her only bridesmaid so she wants your dresses to match,” said Mom, But slowly as if just realizing What stupidity she spoke.
“You go up tomorrow night and the two of you come back Sunday.” How had she agreed to this? She still wasn’t happy.
“Unless… perhaps I’d drive you?” “I’ve taken trains before,” I said, trying to keep the baby whine Out of my voice. “I’m fourteen years old!” “But it’s the city,” wailed Mom
Panic flaring. “I’ve been to the city before, too,” I said. School field trips!!! Alone? First time for everything.
“She said she’d meet the five o’clock train,” sighed Mom, Obviously wondering How had she agreed to this? I almost didn’t like it.
So some strange woman Could call Mom up and Gain more freedom for me Than I’d ever managed?
It’s a gift. Don’t criticize its teeth. “It won’t be dark yet,” I said blithely.
“So is that where she’s living? In the city?” Rumors of international travel had reached us when Mirabel’s modeling cancelled. And all this time she’s Twenty miles away?
Mom seemed so unhappy. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Maybe it’s Rupert’s place. I’ll be trusting your good sense.”
She certainly can’t trust Mirabel, I thought. Someone in this family Needs to do some serious snooping.
That night someone named Philip Valerian Tried friending me on Facebook. I turned him down Like a bedspread, I Don’t talk to strangers.
(Scene 10 – The Deep Woods. DIGGER dragging, carrying, lifting PERSEY’s unconscious body into the trees. He stands guard, howling dramatically. The WOLF SPIRITS appear, nose her, cherish her, lift her, clean her with leaves. They dress her in a wolf skin, prop her up, and dance with her. She slowly comes to life, dancing like a Maenad with leaves in her hair. The WOLF SPIRITS pull back and PERSEY’s house opens up stage left where BABE stands waiting to greet DIGGER & PERSEY)
BABE Persey! What happened to you? (Looking disapprovingly at the litter of champagne bottles) This place is a mess!
PERSEY Jarod happened to me. I’m changed forever.
(Throws herself into a chair. DIGGER, thorns & thistles in his fur, settles down protectively beside her to clean his fur.)
BABE (Kicking an empty champagne bottle) You’re too old for wild parties. Time to act like the mother Of my future grandkids!
PERSEY I am nobody’s mother and I never will be, Babe. It’s over. Everything’s broken. Broken and lost.
BABE (Shrieking) Here’s the thanks I get for Giving you everything! I’m a sick woman! And you’re the one killing me!
(DIGGER leaps to his feet and bares his teeth. BABE halts her attack before physical violence)
PERSEY Roy murdered Bruce, Babe, He told me himself! Roy loves Jarod more than he’ll ever love me. I think he wishes he WAS Jarod Who’s probably a wife-killer. THAT’S your real family!
BABE (Forcing calm, sits down beside her) Oh, I see what went wrong. Persey, you must understand; Roy talks crazy sometimes But he never means it. It’s fun scaring girls. This is really YOUR fault. Admit, you love provoking him With dubious friendships.
PERSEY Why does the world need a scapegoat? None of this is my friend’s doing!
BABE Persey, set your heart At rest. I’ll prove to you Roy didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY How can you POSSIBLY do that?
BABE Because Roy IS Bruce.
(The WOLF SPIRITS howl. Portrait lights up. DIGGER sits up at attention.)
Everyone knows it but you! Don’t tell me YOU never figured it out!
PERSEY Now YOU’RE talking crazy, Babe! Bruce went to jail! A felon and rapist A cowardly bully.
BABE It’s YOUR fault I’m telling you. You chose college over Roy, You broke my poor boy’s heart. He was so angry at women At men who pretend He became dangerous. I lived in fear daily All because of you!
PERSEY I just don’t get it, Babe. What are you telling me? I know Bruce was born. You had twins – did you or didn’t you?
BABE I gave birth to twin boys While a child myself In a foreign country, don’t forget, With a shaky young marriage. I had no help at all. I tried so hard but I had no milk for twins. Roy was the weakest who Needed me most. Bruce seemed strong but died anyway – Roy’s father was furious! Our marriage Dead at that moment. There were two separate trust funds, Persey! The old ones didn’t need it. Wasting money is wrong!
PERSEY Let me get this straight. You PRETENDED Bruce was alive?
BABE It was a game at first, understand; A rainy-day joke! A beleaguered mother’s brave effort To turn frowns upside down. Without Roy’s father we needed the money! When Roy was bad, he was Bruce. When he behaved, he was Roy. But when he grew up he became Bruce all the time – Doing terrible things. It wasn’t my fault! I Couldn’t manage him and his Dad was ghosting us!
(She spits into a lace-trimmed handkerchief.)
Weak men run away! Don’t you see that, poor Persey? At least Roy is still here! We’re Lucky to have him!
(PERSEY covers her face. So BABE argues with the audience.)
BABE After my husband died, I saw so much Possibility. Second chances! We could Get rid of Bruce for once and for all. A beautiful ceremony – burying The things Bruce had broken. The costliest grave site With doves and balloons. Roy swore it was over. He promised GOD. When he forgets We go there to remind him.
PERSEY (Struggling to keep up) You’re saying Roy is the one…
BABE (Ignoring interruptions) I admit I made errors. These were Battlefield choices. When you’re a mother, Persey, You’ll understand. There’s SO MUCH regret. But How is Roy’s acting out my fault? YOU had abandoned him Saying you wanted OTHERS! Take responsibility, Persey! I’ve owned up to my part. Roy gave himself to you. He’s a one-woman man. You toyed with his heart, Chose COLLEGE over love! Of course he was angry. Of course he went crazy Bruce came back with a vengeance! You didn’t help MY life, I’ll tell you that. He offered you everything!
PERSEY Roy attacked and raped people? It was Roy who went to jail?
BABE When Roy went to prison it was a miracle I was so grateful we had A spare name to give him! Clever planning and foresight is what Breeds second chances. Young men founder with blotted Escutcheons! Jarod was SUCH A good friend; claiming Roy had been In his unit. When Roy was released Bruce could just vanish. But when Roy’s Unpredictable I MUST be Trustee. Increasing our holdings Made my son hate me more! We need to start over, Persey! This time you must help.
PERSEY (Slow, incredulous) Your son is a killer! I’ll have nothing to do with it!
BABE He only kills teases! Vermin and tramps! I thought I’d explained. You weren’t getting pregnant! You Forced Roy into testing, Questioned his virility! What man Accepts THAT? Now, this misery’s Behind us, if Brucie stays DEAD. Don’t rile Roy up! There’s the future to think about.
PERSEY (Launching to her feet) Why can’t you face truth? Your son is a murderer And Jarod is helping him! Roy murdered Jarod’s wife In some sort of pay off!’
BABE (Slaps PERSEY’s face hard.) Keep your voice down in my house! Don’t say this around Roy! Jarod’s keeping him safe! He’s the only man Roy can Look up to, or even respect. Boys need role models, don’t you see? To learn how to play! Jarod’s my hero.
PERSEY Your family is poisoned, Babe. Your “truth” is a lie.
(ROY’s voice offstage)
ROY We got him, Darlin’! We captured the guy!
BABE (Grabbing PERSEY’s arm) Don’t tell him you know! Roy will kill me, Persey I’m a sick woman!
PERSEY Babe, please understand. Only truth lets us breathe.
BABE (Pointing to the door) Get out! Get out of my house!
(Scene 9. Lights up on PERSEY House set where ROY & JAROD wrestle by firelight while the hot tub smokes suggestively and the eyes in the portrait track their movements. NED & PERSEY at the door. WOLF SPIRITS gather around and on top of the house, eyes blinking on & off. NED beckons JAROD aside, puts an arm around him – they exit together)
(PERSEY throws herself into ROY’s arms – he seems unresponsive)
ROY (Holding PERSEY at arm’s length) What did you do?
PERSEY (Still trying to connect with him) Oh, Roy, it was awful! Poor Stormee is dead!
ROY She was disloyal. Didn’t she deserve it?
PERSEY What do you mean? Jarod controlled her every move.
ROY Naw. I’m hearing she strayed. Seems there’s lots of that Going around.
(ROY pushes her away – DIGGER growls and poises for attack. ROY kicks at him. PERSEY orders him out of the house – DIGGER slinks away – to gather with the WOLF SPIRITS protecting the house. PERSEY thinks ROY just doesn’t understand.)
PERSEY I found her dead, Roy. Stormee’s been murdered.
ROY That’s not all you found, is it? Better stop lying!
PERSEY (Very offended) I’m not lying!
ROY Oh yeah? Weren’t you making kissy face With that snooping cop who’s harassing my mother?
PERSEY What are you talking about? I’m making “kissy face” With nobody but you!
ROY And then there’s that she-male You pal around with! What’s that about? Don’t my wishes mean anything? Those creatures spread sickness.
PERSEY Bish is my friend! YOU’RE covered with “Wrestling burns”, thanks to Jarod! What’s THAT about? I found Stormee the way you two wanted – And now I’ll have nightmares Forever and ever.
(Dispiritedly she undresses and climbs into hot tub)
ROY Welcome to reality, princess. I know you’re still hiding something! That cop’s got your number!
(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl without restraint – ROY snatches a shotgun out of the umbrella stand)
PERSEY Roy, for God’s sake! Who’s hiding from whom? That cop asked ME to find out If Bruce is really dead!
(Eyes move as portrait lights dramatically)
ROY Bruce? Of course Bruce is dead! I killed him myself! In a battle to the death There’s only one winner.
PERSEY You did not! You couldn’t have!
ROY That’s all the credit you give me! No wonder my buddies are thinking I’m de-balled, like your mutt! Nobody tames ME, Sweetmeat. And you know what else I’m gonna do? I’m going to shoot me a canine!
PERSEY DON’T YOU DARE!
(Marches to the door where he almost runs into JAROD who is wheeling a case of champagne on a dolly)
JAROD Whoa, buddy! Where are you headed?
(Wrestles shotgun away, dumps it) This party just started!
ROY Aren’t I your alibi?
JAROD Hell no! DNA! They got a condom Overflowing with man juice!
ROY Where’d they get that, I wonder?
JAROD You ought to know! Don’t you trust me, ol’ buddy? Everything’s Fixed. They got a culprit! We’re partyin’ here.
ROY Hear that, Persey? They caught the guy that did Stormee!
JAROD First, capture the love juice, then String the guy up.
(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl)
Man, you’ve got a wolf problem.
ROY I know! Let’s go hunting!
JAROD You kidding me?
ROY Party first, fireworks after!
(He shakes up a bottle of champagne and shoots it at ROY. ROY, dripping, grabs a bottle to shoot at JAROD. Merriment – not shared by PERSEY)
PERSEY I take it we’re celebrating Your instant divorce?
JAROD (Kneeling by the hot tub) Birthday champagne for you, Persey. Primo stuff. Some people die Some people get born. The party goes on. Word on the street is You like champagne.
PERSEY You know nothing about What I love and hate.
ROY This Champagne’s Persey’s favorite. She uses a glass, though.
(He exits. JAROD leans over, looking suggestively into the water)
JAROD Looking for company?
PERSEY (Flicking water on him) No. Go away.
(JAROD strips down, slides in, clutching his champagne bottle.)
JAROD Can’t dampen the drowned, darlin’. I’m ALWAYS all in.
(He starts climbing in – PERSEY turns her back on him, tries to climb out – he stops her)
Have a heart, Persey. You’re being mean To a heartbroken widower.
PERSEY You better get your hands off me Before Roy sees you.
JAROD Sweet cheeks This was ALL his idea.
(ROY appears with champagne glass and kneels on PERSEY’s other side)
ROY Here you go, cupcake’. Fertility meds served up in Baccarat Just how you like ‘em.
(He holds her jaw, pours champagne in her mouth. PERSEY tries to get out, they both hold her down.)
Not so fast, hon. It’s past time to make babies.
(PERSEY begins to thrash wildly)
JAROD Don’t waste energy, Persey. Two against one.
Act 3 Scene 8 (The forest outside JAROD’s house. PERSEY is dragging DIGGER along by his collar.)
PERSEY
DIGGER! I need you! What the heck is your problem?
(DIGGER is doing everything he can to stall and resist. TREES surge, rustle, threaten. WOLVES howl.)
Are you scared of coyotes? I thought they were your friends.
(DIGGER covers his ears with his paws and cowers.) I’m ashamed of you. Such a scaredy cat!
(Bossy mother)
They’re more afraid of you Than you are of them. We trespass in THEIR forest. Ssssh! Hear them talking? Maybe if we listen We‘ll understand their secret.
(Calls softly)
Cookie, Monica, Jean, Mina and Jo Lee … DaToy and Mary Louise… Jane and John Doe…
(The TREES moan and shiver their leaves)
See? They’re helpers, not haters! Believe me, a forest is safer Than most strangers are! Native Americans say The trees are our home.
(Eyes appear glittering between the trees. DIGGER and PERSEY react fearfully. PERSEY tries to master her fear to be brave for DIGGER)
Cookie, Monica, Jean, Mina, DaToy and Jo Lee, Jane and John Are you there? (The eyes turn into beautiful women wearing wolf heads; the WOLF SPIRITS.)
WOLF SPIRITS (Sing) Welcome to The Forest…the center of life… Holds the mystery of death.
(They dance with DIGGER and PERSEY who are at first frightened and awkward, then ecstatic & surrendering. One Spirit gives PERSEY a gift. Then slowly they pull back into the dancing trees. DIGGER wants to go with them but PERSEY jerks him back)
PERSEY Digger, I need you to stay with me now. Did you see them? So many – I never expected …
(DIGGER waves his tail sadly at the departing WOLF SPIRITS. PERSEY studies her gift…a hairclip with a hair extension attached.)
I’ve seen this before. (Falls to her knees) This is Stormee’s. Now I’m REALLY scared.
(At last DIGGER alerts. Sniffs the clip and commences racing around. Finds more bloodied “evidence” to lay at PERSEY’s feet. STORMEE emerges from the trees looking different – scary yet exalted. Her dress is a mass of red streamers. She dances, then collapses gracefully in a heap – PERSEY finds the body – scream – light out.)
(NED the cop exits; having to push vines aside. DIGGER runs out between his legs to dance with his friends. PERSEY throws herself on sofa, dials phone. Cell phone rings on BISH making his way through audience. Ring tone is Strangers In Paradise.)
BISH Persey! You’re just the person!
(He leans on an audience chair arm, settling down for a nice chat.) What’s up?
PERSEY You’ll never believe what happened!
BISH I can’t wait to hear! And I‘ve got news of my own. I… Met some special someone.
PERSEY Well, this is incredible! We’ll have to celebrate! That cop came here… The cop I told you about…
BISH Oh, the wordsmith? Persey, don’t we want action?
PERSEY He doesn’t think Roy’s brother Really is dead!
BISH Persey, how bizarre!
PERSEY Turns out Bruce was a rapist Who served four years in jail Then he vanished. But his fingerprints turned up At my woodland crime scene!
BISH Oooo PERSEY I’m shivering! It’s so sick what you’re saying!
PERSEY If BRUCE is alive…
(She hesitates with a shocking realization)
BISH Persey! What? Tell me.
PERSEY Roy would kill him. Remember that portrait?
(The Portrait lights up & participates, the little boys writhe like spirits in hell)
BISH That you said he’d destroy?
PERSEY He says he’s keeping it To remind him that Bruce Can never hurt him again.
BISH Oooo Persey, your husband Is so full of surprises.
PERSEY Wait. I’m getting a call. It’s Roy. Gotta go. Talk about your crush next time?
BISH Hard to compete with a family like yours. My life was SO unexciting till I met Mr. Right Now!
PERSEY Bish! Hasta Manana!
(Lights off on BISH who perambulates along his way, Lights up on ROY and JAROD lounging together at the side of the theatre)
PERSEY Hi, hon. What can I do for you?
ROY Puddin’, Jarod and I need you To check up on Stormee. She was coming for lunch but She never showed and her phone Has gone dead.
PERSEY Oh, Roy…
(Writhing – she just LOATHES STORMEE)
Can’t Jarod go look?
JAROD (Taking the phone) Sweetmeat, we’re stuck here. Payin’ the bill. Gotta Get back to work. You’re close by. I’m … concerned.
(Wheedling)
Won’t you do this one little thing For your favorite guys?
PERSEY (Totally furious at hearing from JAROD) Fine. Tell Roy I love him.
JAROD Oh, we know, sugartits. Believe me, we know.
(The men giggle conspiratorially and lean together. Lights off.)
Scene 7 (Later. PERSEY’s house. She wears cleaning overall and carries duster & spray can. NED the cop in plain clothes knocks at the door. She’s surprised to see him.)
NED (Very relaxed, strides in carrying folders) Some place you’ve got here. Looks like your help has help.
PERSEY We’re do-it-yourselfers. Um…how can I assist?
NED Ready to work? (Shakes the folders at her)
PERSEY I am working.
NED This is real work, Not playing house. Aren’t you supposed to be My confidential Informant? Saw your husband depart so figured Now’s a good time. Keepin’ it downlow. How about coffee?
PERSEY (She looks appalled but can’t think how to get out of this. DIGGER lifts an uninterested head and goes back to sleep.) Um…sure.
(She wanders out. NED strides around the room, looking at everything. Scratches DIGGER behind ears, Pokes into things, wanders up to the portrait, which glares at him)
NED Whoa, Nellie!
(PERSEY returns sans housecoat & duster, bearing a tray of coffee. NED gestures at the portrait)
NED This is quite something.
PERSEY Yes, isn’t it? (She pours)
NED That’s a lot of knives. Your husband’s a collector?
PERSEY Boys love toys. Sugar? Cream?
NED I could use something sweet. One of those painted kids is Your man, I presume?
PERSEY (Sitting down – she’s had it with that portrait) That’s what they say. But no one knows which.
NED (Confident) Sure. One is a felon and the other Married you. Think that wouldn’t show?
PERSEY A felon?
NED (Less certain) Nobody told you?
PERSEY Bruce went to jail?
NED The guy was a rapist. (He opens file) He served four years.
PERSEY My God!
NED That’s my question, in fact. There’s a gravesite and obituary… But I can’t find a certificate.
PERSEY Let me see.
(He hands her the file – contents projected on walls. Disturbing newspaper articles, black and white photos)
I was worlds away in college Roy was in the army. I never met Bruce. Babe– she’s my mother-in-law Says Bruce killed himself.
NED Suicide never makes obits. Family shame – there’s the rub. Good coffee by the way. You like it strong, just like I do. Most people can’t handle that. (Studied calm) So you think something’s funny About Bruce’s demise?
PERSEY For the first time that seems likely. A handsome young man, With his own trust fund, A bully who adored showing others his power. Suddenly he has an actual motive for offing himself.
NED (His turn to be disbelieving) Family shame, you are thinking? Some sense of remorse?
PERSEY I know his mom pretty well. Rape she could cover. But prison…
NED Mom’s OK with rape?
PERSEY She’s a tad narcissistic.
NED Ah. Would you say that it’s possible… That Bruce is alive?
(WOLVES howl. DIGGER lifts his head and joins in. NED catches PERSEY’s cup as PERSEY drops it)
PERSEY JESUS!
(DIGGER goes to window – all excited.)
It’s those coyotes. I’m afraid Digger’s in love with them.
NED Hey, we all envy the wild. Sorry I upset you.
PERSEY (Filled with revulsion and distaste) Bruce CAN’T be alive. . If he is alive, then where is he? Roy says that he’s dead and He couldn’t fool Roy. Roy hated his brother but now He’s been set free. He replaced Bruce with Jarod who Gives him esteem. Not even their mother Keeps that kind of secret.
NED Work with me here. Let’s imagine – Just for argument – Bruce was paid to vanish and The money ran out. What would he do?
PERSEY (Cynically) The money NEVER runs out.
NED Wow. If you say so!
PERSEY Roy’s mom isn’t clever And she’s not really subtle. I can read between HER lines. She acts like something’s missing That Roy took away. Bruce’s death explains that.
NED You think your husband Murdered his brother?
PERSEY What is it with everyone? That’s NOT what I think!
NED But somebody does?
PERSEY One thing’s guaranteed; If Bruce is alive, Roy knows nothing about it.
NED (Gentle irony) So, in your case the wife Is the first one to know? Your husband can’t lie? Kudos to both of you.
PERSEY I know my own husband! YOUR marriages didn’t take So, what do YOU know? Bruce was Roy’s twin! It’s a special relationship.
NED Would you say he loved his brother?
PERSEY Hated him. Bruce was the favorite. Roy never came into his own Till his brother died. But if he thought for a moment that Bruce could appear…he’d act totally different. I just know it.
NED You’re pretty confident In your ability to read people.
PERSEY I can read THESE people.
NED Kudos to ME picking Confidential Informants.
PERSEY (She fears he is mocking her but he’s very straight faced.) So, what is it you want Me to do for you exactly?
NED Get me a death certificate.
PERSEY This was supposed to concern Jarod!
NED I say what this concerns. That’s how this thing works. You’re a better authority On this family than on Gunver.
PERSEY (She just hates this job) Well, Babe is a packrat and Bruce’s room is a shrine. Her house is a castle. I could look for it there. Or… I could ask her.
NED I’d appreciate it. She won’t return calls.
(PERSEY rises as if to show him out but NED sits like a log. He not going anywhere.)
PERSEY (A bit desperately) Why Bruce? And why now?
NED His fingerprints turned up Recall that pink shoe in the woods?
PERSEY Really? You’re kidding!
NED Who knows how long A fingerprint lasts? Still – There’s no coincidences Only new patterns. Bruce gets out of jail… Disappears – bodies appear. They say Rapists who serve time Stop leaving witnesses.
(WOLVES howl. Now DIGGER wants to go out.)
PERSEY (To DIGGER) You lie down!
(DIGGER plays dead)
(To NED)
But that’s horrible!
NED Horrible’s my job. How long have you had This feral dog problem?
PERSEY There isn’t a problem! If Digger’s friends choose to go feral We can respect that.
NED You promise to help me?
PERSEY (Pacing, trying not to panic) You’re looking in the wrong place.
NED What makes you think so?
PERSEY (Determinedly) MY suspect’s a cop, that’s why You’ll never see it.
(NED leans forward)
NED Jarod’s got no criminal jacket. He isn’t good for this. The question is Why your husband has bad taste in friends. Gunver physically violent That you personally know of?
PERSEY He brags about hurting prisoners. The whole street’s afraid of him. He and Stormee fight constantly.
NED He’s got no complaints.
PERSEY It’s a rigged system!
NED This is circular reasoning.
PERSEY He’s a parasite!
NED Parasites don’t kill. If they know what is good for them. You’re emotionally involved.
PERSEY And that cancels evidence?
NED Hey, everyone’s suspect. I promised to study it.
PERSEY (Points to the folders he hasn’t opened) So, what’s that doing here? Those extra files?
NED Oh. You wanted those names. Of the missing.
(WOLVES emerge howling and gather around house.)
Sounds like…they’re singing.
PERSEY Wouldn’t we all if we could?
NED You mean feel one with nature?
PERSEY Dance with the trees.
(She whirls. THE WOLF-SPIRITS stand up as humans with wolf heads & masks)
NED In our dreams!
(Words & photos projected on walls. Names.)
WOLF SPIRITS (Eerie chanting) Cookie Louise, Monica Falkin, Jean Jane McComber, Ernie “DaToy”, Jo Lee Ann Jeffries, Miss Mina Ha, Jane Does 1 through Jane Doe 4, John Doe 1,2,3.
PERSEY Can I keep these?
NED Do you want them?
PERSEY Names are important. I’d like to study them.
NED The murderer didn’t care who they were.
PERSEY I think he killed them because of Who they were becoming.
(The TREES send protective vines over the house; DIGGER howls)
NED That’s an eerie effect! Really makes you shiver.
(PERSEY opens the door and looks out pointedly)
How about your name – Persey. Where did that come from?
(PERSEY & BISH finish their yoga with a good gossip when – unexpectedly – ROY, PERSEY’S husband – who hates BISH – comes home)
BISH But I have no playmate As you cruelly point out. (Sighs)
PERSEY Sorry. (Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY Cupcake! I’m home! Where the hellz is my baby?
(PERSEY & BISH galvanize. He picks up scattered clothes and rushes, dripping, to change behind a screen. DIGGER lifts a head to show some interest. PERSEY jumps back in the hot tub. ROY appears.)
PERSEY Just chillaxing.
ROY I’m down with that! (Strips and jumps in with her)
PERSEY I thought you were with Babe.
ROY Dumped her at the depot. She can Uber home.
PERSEY Roy, you didn’t! She just had back surgery!
ROY She wouldn’t stop bitchin’. You know how she gets. Hey, what’s with the bathing suit? (Trying to disrobe her)
PERSEY Sometimes…if I’m alone
ROY I got dibs on this body!
(Kissing and fondling her. PERSEY frantically signaling over his head to BISH who’s crawling towards the door, DIGGER following him with much interest. ROY suddenly sniffs the air)
ROY Has that she-male been here?
PERSEY Roy! Bish is my friend!
ROY If society had smarts we’d Exterminate those guys. Mixed-up sexes Don’t know WHAT they are.
(PERSEY tries to muffle him with kisses)
PERSEY Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.
ROY I do mean it. Queers are just trash people. Who wants a world Where men forget to be male?
PERSEY Would they stop knifing and shooting?
(A panicked BISH makes a dash for it, drops a shirt. DIGGER barks, picks up the shirt, returns to the fire to mouth it)
ROY What’s up with that dog? He’s chewing up something… Better not be mine!
(A lone WOLF howls)
PERSEY (Climbing on his lap trying to interest him in sex) It’s a dishrag I gave him. Want to fool around? Or would you like a beer?
ROY That dog better Stay out of my stuff, I’m warning you.
(Shouting over PERSEY’s shoulder to DIGGER)
I’ll put that dog down! Where he belongs!
(DIGGER attacks the shirt more aggressively – ROY makes a move to leap out of the tub – PERSEY grabs remote to light portrait – it looks right at ROY – WOLVES’ Chorus)
ROY Fuck me!
(ROY appears gobsmacked. Lights off on PERSEY house, up on shirtless BISH putting shoes on at the side of the stage. JAROD – ROY’S cop friend – approaches, hails him. They began to tango.)
JAROD Hel-lo sugar! What have we here?
BISH Didn’t know you were interested.
JAROD Call me a collector. Sampling anything new. What’s on offer?
BISH Why settle for anything When you can have Everything?
Scene 6 (PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH Your breath! Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY (Gasping) Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s Been…shot.
BISH But your sleeping swan’s A thing of beauty and A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY (Huffing and puffing) Stuck in my gut.
BISH No ego.
PERSEY No ego.
BISH And hold…. Flirt with your edge. Find your power – Soften… Release… Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH Now Corpse Pose Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY That’s an easy one! Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH When I’m old and You’re wrinkly. (She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH (Looks around and whispers) So… I’m intuiting Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance Just a trifle?
PERSEY (Hands him his drink) Which vigilance is that?
BISH The vigilance that’s scared to death Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad. I like having a man I know can defend me.
BISH It’s the lure of fascism, darling. No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY Oh, shush. Shriek like a train whistle if The spirit moves you. Roy And his mother are Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave. I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH Surprising they spend So much time together Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY Hate’s love to some people. She’s hard to take, but Some of us have to. I feel kind of sorry for her. She makes her own misery.
BISH But don’t we love drama? I envy you Persey! What fun you folks have! Scarify me with tales Of Legendary Dead Brother. So what made poor Bruce Suicide himself?
PERSEY You can’t get a straight story Out of that woman. On her bad days He was murdered.
BISH MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY The suspects keep changing. It’s a very strange family.
BISH But there’s only the two of them! I suppose they fill out the crowd With personal demons!
PERSEY Babe resurrects Bruce Whenever she needs him. And now we’ve got Jarod Shoehorning his way in.
BISH But Jarod takes Roy’s side! Can’t you appreciate? It makes the sides even.
PERSEY I guess a strange Family ‘s better than no family at all. Which was where I came in.
BISH Or none we’ll admit to. We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained! If folks insist on emoting Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY Speaking of corpse pose, Digger found a skeleton!
BISH An actual dead person?
PERSEY Bones. Old remains in the woods. But scary enough! (Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH (Sips drink…reacts…likes) What’s your Glamorous Nazi Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY Silly! I’d never tell Roy! Roy warns me NEVER to Walk in the woods.
BISH Did you notify Jarod The Law? (Sighs ecstatically) Jarod the Beautiful Jarod the Sex Cop? Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed By someone like HIM! “DON’T rough me up, officer! I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY Jarod’s not beautiful! He’s spoiled like bad meat. He’s bewitched my poor Roy. Like some substitute twin.
BISH If you’re keeping secrets I won’t breathe a word. But that Jarod’s man-jelly In search of a sandwich. I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY You think EVERYBODY Swings EVERY way.
BISH Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY Jarod looks out For just Jarod only. Did I tell you He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY Oh, she’s impossible. She LOOVES Jarod. I tell Roy if he’ not careful He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH Persey, how delightful! Your life is so complicated! So, that skeleton’s still out there Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop Of my own. Aren’t you always Saying, Get out Persey, Embrace new experience!
BISH Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY Oh, Bish, I DID. He’s a very nice cop and I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH Oh, my God Persey! Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of. You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed! You’ve surpassed Teacher. No longer a poor, trembly princess Locked alone in her tower. So, dish about cop! Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY Our attraction’s cerebral. He’s a puzzle maven. He Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY (Thoughtfully) I do respect men Who know how to talk.
BISH Which is why you love me. So, what secrets Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY That I suspect Jarod!
BISH Oh, Persey, You’re just jealous ‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY You don’t know Jarod like I do. He’s always bragging About doing folks down.
BISH I’m warning you girly – Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH I do love a good monster. Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY That Jarod’s a weasel! A weasel who’s dirty. He fixed every traffic ticket Roy ever had.
BISH Persey, you’re watching WAY too much television!
PERSEY What if Jarod’s a serial killer? Digger absolutely loathes him (DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth) And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY Try to keep up! My cop friend just told me There’s MULTIPLE body parts Dumped in that forest. People go missing In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH Multiple body parts? How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY Poor Bish! Nobody cares For the vulnerable So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH What kind of people? MY kind of people?
PERSEY OUR kind of people. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
BISH Passing through HERE? Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you Woods-walking either!
PERSEY Yeah but I’m not a victim. Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH Oh, look in a mirror! Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey. If Jarod’s so machiavellian He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY He’s a sadist, poor Bish. You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH Suddenly we’re a fourgy! Roy’s jealous of ME And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH Persey – much as I love you …Adorable as you are… You’re not my type.
PERSEY He knows WE talk about Things I can’t say to HIM. He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH Doesn’t everyone? Roy tells his Man Buddy Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY Dumb stuff, probably. Things like Guns, knives and wars. You know they dressed a deer In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH You mean they UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY Jarod brings out Roy’s Worst side. Imposture, Pretense – Loads of sick Macho crap.
BISH Well…a LITTLE imposture – And a soupçon of crap – Can be very alluring.
PERSEY It ISN’T! I loathe poseurs!
BISH Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are Dependent on posing or we’d get No partners at ALL! So far Roy’s uncooperative With your civilizing pressure? Hmm…wonder why… With a mother like that?
PERSEY It’s just because poor Roy was so Tormented by his only brother.
BISH He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY He has a starved, hungry ego. But he’s an angel to me.
BISH You call me too-trusting? Never trust anyone With so many rules. Who needs knives and guns When he’s got silver spoons? He could accept the real US If he put his head right.
PERSEY He’s getting there, I swear it. If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH You’re boring me, Persey. Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH Aaaah….
PERSEY (Lifting pile of towels and whispering) Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH THAT was refreshing. For someone.
PERSEY (Mopping up frantically with towels) Roy just hates it When Digs makes a mess!
BISH See what I mean? Stop running and jumping And twitching for him!
PERSEY Oh, hush. You’d cater adoringly To somebody special.
BISH Below the belt, that one! I can’t like my best friend locked up As a baby machine.
PERSEY Roy doesn’t want children! He can’t share me with a dog! That’s just Mama’s nagging. Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH Who’s posing now? Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY It’s a state secret, Bish – You can’t ever tell!
Scene 4 (PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5 (The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY There’s a skeleton Around here somewhere, officer.
NED (Skeptically) That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY Are you even a detective? I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED “Open Unsolved”. I’m all that there is.
PERSEY You sound defeated. On the verge of retirement?
NED Hell no, lady. Never. Too many cold cases. I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY Sounds like a death wish.
NED It’s a life wish. I love my work.
PERSEY Searching for … skeletons?
NED Solving puzzles. Perfecting antennae. Following undercurrents Right to their source. (He kicks the leaves) Where’d you unearth This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY It’s around here someplace. It was Digger who found it. (Kneels to talk to DIGGER) Remember those bones, boy? Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY I know he speaks wolf.
NED Wolf?
PERSEY Wolves howl at him and He howls right back.
NED No wolves around here.
PERSEY Coyotes, then. Coywolves. Something’s howling. I’ve seen ‘em.
NED Feral dogs more likely. Tame goes wild more often Than the other way round.
PERSEY You’re argumentative.
NED I respect facts When assembling theory. Dogs taste the outdoors And they never go back.
PERSEY Just like some people. Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one. Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY So, what special skills Do puzzle mavens require?
NED Pattern recognition. Patterns are everything; The basis of speech Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED What you got there, boy? (DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED This what you saw?
PERSEY Definitely not. Bones! Digger! Skeleton! Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED (Might be bragging – just a bit) Wouldn’t be the first corpse Located hereabouts.
PERSEY No! How many were there?
NED (With relish) Multiple body dumps. Arms, legs, Torsos. So many go missing.
PERSEY Jarod was right!
NED You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY You know him?
NED (Evasive: suddenly circumspect) Well…he’s a cop. So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thin blue line.
NED Very thin.
PERSEY Power shields power. I know all about it. He’s my husband’s best friend. Claims to be “expert” but Usually wrong. He’s Wrong about everything. I’m surprised he spoke truth about Forests of corpses.
NED You don’t like him.
PERSEY I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED He talks police business?
PERSEY If he thinks he’s impressing! That he’s smarter than anyone! He collects slaves — “Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins” That’s his motto. He’s got lots of followers – Information’s his currency – Bragging and scaring – Trying to frighten – “Don’t walk in the woods!” He LOVES scaring women.
NED (Being The Cop) What did he tell you?
PERSEY “Boy girls come to bad ends”. He really hates anyone Who isn’t his slave. Roy envies his power – I ignored him. Till I found that skeleton.
NED He’s out of line. Information comes in Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY (Pointedly) I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY Men always say that.
NED Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY But investigation’s exciting!
NED You find my work exciting?
PERSEY I don’t know about puzzles But I favor the truth There’s the real power – Knowing what happened.
NED Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY Who’s alive and who’s dead Who’s a demon pretending – Who’s a monster despoiling; only Mimicking life.
NED (He gets right to the point) You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY I’m not willing to hang around him Long enough to find out.
NED Here’s what I know – We’re all demonic In our own special way.
PERSEY Speak for yourself.
NED If these woods shelter corpses How come you’re still here?
PERSEY ‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive. Trees can’t hurt you. These woods are a temple – A Most Sacred Place. Stupid people think they’re nowhere It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY Oh Digger! You frustrating dog!
NED (Snatches at the silk) Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee Dropped her pants in the woods. Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED (Places his find in an evidence bag) Meow! Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY Over Misty. Under Stormee.
NED What’s the number of wives Jarod is up to? Never mustered more Than two wives, myself. I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY You know what I want! Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY Jarod sheds wives seasonally Like the snake that he is.
NED So what are you doing when You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY Reading and thinking. I sit on my deck and Gaze into the trees.
NED Sounds relaxing. She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY Do your missing have names?
NED Eh?
PERSEY You said there’s so many. Don’t these missing Have names?
NED Everyone has names. Monikers, nicknames Aliases Given names, borrowed names Street names – Disguises; red herrings; Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY So many lost women!
NED Didn’t say they were women. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
PERSEY Passing through HERE?
NED Or somebody brought them. Along for the ride.
PERSEY Why does nobody know?
NED “High risk victims”. It’s a way Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY (Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous) I knew you could do it! Smart dog! Who’s a puppy As clever as beautiful? Digger is! I’ll say!
NED Wish I got that much attention For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY Probably should. He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
Now we need forensics, a search team of Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY (Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs) REAL sniffer dogs? That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED (Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head) Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED Sorry, no. There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY Paperwork, ugh! Nothing doing. My husband never likes me Getting involved.
NED But you are involved, now. Aren’t you?
PERSEY Can’t I be secret? A secret informant? After all, who needs to know? Maybe Jarod’s the killer! I’ll tell all about Jarod. Just keep ME a secret.
NED Even informants have paperwork. You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer? There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY Do we have a deal?
NED OK, I’ll bite. I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY Sure, you take the credit. Digger prefers backrubs.
NED What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY He brags about killing. About his “justified kills” He’s cold and he’s fake Looks for every advantage. He likes people’s suffering. He says he kills people As part of his job.
NED I heartily doubt it. Undercover’s a whole different ethos But word gets around.
PERSEY The man lies like he breathes.
NED Those guys specialize in Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY How about you?
NED I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY Drinkers and braggers Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED I’m interested in all you can tell me. We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY Solving puzzles – Making theories! Sounds Deliciously different. Now I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
(BABE, (Persey’s mother-in-law) a commanding, magnificent, scary older woman strides into the yard, holding a blanket and calling,)
BABE Persey! Persey, where are you?
(PERSEY & DIGGER emerge from the forest, both looking dirty, scratched and sheepish) Oh, my goodness, poor PERSEY! What happened to you!
PERSEY Er – Hello – Mother.
(Allowing herself to be enclosed in a blanket, she says with bitter irony) You weren’t expected.
BABE Please call me Babe – Everyone does! Aren’t we family? Aren’t I spontaneous? Spontaneity’s a right Claimed by mothers-in-law.
(Guiltingly)
I can’t be alone today- It’s BRUCE’s DEATH anniversary!
(Throaty gasps)
PERSEY I thought that was last month.
BABE (On the edge of hysteria) No! No! It’s tonight! Roy’s too sweet twin brother! I still see him hanging Neck so distorted A hideous specter to torment a mother!
(A scary, elongated shadow projects against the wall.)
PERSEY I’m so sorry. I guess we forgot. Today’s Jarod’s birthday.
BABE Dear Jarod! How is he?
PERSEY (Pulling thistles out of protesting DIGGER’s fur) Having the time of his life, Thanks to you.
BABE (Majestic and cold) Jarod deserves our support. I called with good wishes Roy said you were on your way home. That was hours ago! And your cellphone is HERE! Where’s the Mercedes, Persey? Did you wreck the Mercedes?
(Threateningly)
You KNOW you can tell me.
PERSEY The Mercedes is fine, Babe. But it’s Midsummer night – Digger needed a walk, So, I thought –
BABE (Full of disgust) Oh, Persey You’re the limit! Don’t TELL me that ill-favored mutt Dragged you to the woods! Surely Jarod warned you? There’s killers abroad! Your husband forbade you – The forest is VERMINOUS And my future grandchildren Deserve better than THAT! Have that fleabag put down, Get a highly-trained guard dog From an ACCREDITED school! An attack dog, not some troublemaker Who waltzes with thorn bushes! (DIGGER and BABE bare their teeth at each other. She moves to strike, he cowers but lifts his leg when she turns away. PERSEY shields DIGGER)
BABE We all worry about you You promised Roy! Do your promises mean NOTHING? PERSEY, my girl?
PERSEY Roy knew I walked home. We can handle the woods. Digger protects me I’d NEVER get rid of my beautiful Digger! Digger’s my baby!
BABE (Much distaste) Roy deserves a REAL baby, Persey, Time’s growing short.
(She attempts to be confiding)
What is the latest from BabyMakers Inc.?
(She taps a foot – can’t disguise her impatience)
PERSEY (Steps past BABE evasively) These things take forever. They’re testing and testing – You know how it goes. Roy hates to be tested. It’s a free world, I say. All the best things happen In their own little time.
BABE I bought you this house This magnificent house On the clear understanding – That soon we’d be FOUR. Where’s my grandchild? Oh Persey –I’ve had so many losses.
(PERSEY steps into the house – BABE attempts to shoo DIGGER away)
PERSEY Oh, let him come in, Babe. He thinks it’s his home and It’s so cold outside.
(DIGGER shivers exaggeratedly.)
BABE But he’s so dirty!
PERSEY I’ll give him a bath. (Lighted hot tub bubbles up at her feet. PERSEY touches BABE’s arm) Please be patient. I’m certain Happy times are ahead.
(Hastily disrobing PERSEY steps into smoking hot tub with a sigh of relief. DIGGER jumps in with an ecstatic splash and paddles rapturously around)
BABE (Averting her eyes & gagging, shaking off droplets) You’ll NEVER get clean with That thing in there!
PERSEY (Calmly) Why not mix up some drinks?
(She soaps DIGGER’s head. He splashes her playfully)
BABE (BABE is conflicted. Feels ordered around in PERSEY’s house but she loves booze, so unwillingly turns her back to accommodate) If only I’d known you were indulging some mutt I don’t know that I’d have purchased this house.
PERSEY Roy loves this house, Babe. We’re both very grateful.
BABE (Bringing drinks for the pair of them, she settles down in a chair beside the tub) Roy’s a good boy…eventually. But you have to keep after him Monitoring, reminding.
PERSEY We’ve been so happy here. Cheers!
BABE Chin-chin.
(They drink. Potent stuff and PERSEY reacts.)
PERSEY Wow, BABE, you concoct A powerful drink.
BABE (Mollified – drinks with pinky extended) Strong medicine’s required For life’s brutal reverses.
(She drains her glass. PERSEY surreptitiously adds water to hers. DIGGER jumps out of the tub and shakes all over BABE who springs to her feet)
BABE Oh, that dog! Just look what he’s done!
PERSEY So sorry, BABE. Will you hand me those towels?
BABE (Very grumpy) If you need this much help, Persey, You require a maid.
PERSEY Roy prefers privacy We’re not fond of strangers.
(BABE hands over towels. PERSEY steps out of the tub and into a towel but not fast enough)
BABE Persey, you’re so thin. One must feed babies SOMETHING!
PERSEY Babe, you worry too much! Stress is so bad for everyone. Aren’t we just enjoying A quiet evening at home?
BABE I can’t help my conviction We’ve run out of time. I keep warning and warning and Nobody listens.
(WOLVES howl)
Nobody cares about Poor Abused Me Giver of Life and Signer of Deeds; Creator of Wealth and Addresser of Needs Nobody cares about Me!
PERSEY We’re so grateful For all that you’ve done. What’s the rush? We’ve got nothing BUT time. Let’s go sit by the fire.
(She presses a button and fire springs to life. There’s a dog bed in front of it where DIGGER settles in – after stretching, pacing, rolling)
BABE Such a wonderful house! All the amenities! (addresses audience) My gifts are so wonderful My taste so exquisite – Lucky I’m rich and know Just what to serve! Too bad I’m never Loved or deserved! My love is perfect My example superb. But I won’t live forever, Persey.
PERSEY Your gifts are appreciated. Thank you, Babe.
(BABE gives her a robe and a cellphone)
BABE Three calls missed from Roy.
PERSEY He’s checking on me.
BABE Because he loves you Just as I do.
(PERSEY dons the robe. BABE has a pile of towels for herself with which she makes a show of covering her chair, blotting her dress, feet, shaking her head, etc.)
PERSEY (On phone) Sure hon; got back safe.
(Holds phone away from protesting, squawking, threatening noises)
I can hardly hear you.
That’s quite a party you’re having.
(Loud music & squawking)
Babe’s here, with Our own celebration.
BABE (Shouts at phone) Remembrance! For Bruce! Poor, dead Bruce!
PERSEY Of course we won’t wait up You should really stay over –
(BABE snatches for the phone, PERSEY evades)
BABE Let me talk to him.
PERSEY (Waving her away – admonitory finger- bravely lying) It was just a short walk, Under a glorious moon.
(DIGGER covers his ears and trembles in memory. Rolling her eyes at ROY’s protests; holds the phone away from her giving BABE chance to snatch phone)
BABE Sweetheart, we must go To the cemetery and visit dear Bruce.
(Horrible noises from phone)
Renew all the vows Made to dear, dear, lost Bruce.
(Significantly – threatening)
Don’t you remember?
(Raving noises from phone; then silence. BABE tosses it to PERSEY)
BABE He hung up on me! Can you believe it? That man needs a leash! Or obedience school.
PERSEY It’s a PARTY, Babe. They’re all off the leash.
BABE If you’d given me that phone When I asked for it Persey –
PERSEY He can’t feel about Bruce As you do, Babe, because Bruce made him suffer. You must understand.
BABE (Getting more and more upset – she launches to her feet and paces) Roy deserved it! Sweet Bruce was my honey-child, So biddable, good!
PERSEY That’s not the story I hear.
BABE (As if she’d not spoken) He’d do anything for his mother –
(Starts to sob)
PERSEY Bruce tortured Roy, Babe. I’ve seen the scars. With my own eyes.
BABE Roy teased him! You’re insulting the dead, Persey! Now I need a drink!
(BABE staggers toward bar, WOLVES gather around house, DIGGER alerts)
PERSEY I think we need music!
(Persey switches on radio)
RADIO (Impossibly proper BBC voice) Four missing girls …(squawk) Body Dump Case (squawk squawk) While in other Serial Killer News- A Beautiful Blonde –
(PERSEY cuts radio off as BABE extends a drink – even darker than the last. BABE’s drinks would make a mule cross-eyed. PERSEY dumps half out but BABE is too worked up about her own problems to notice.)
BABE Roy doesn’t care!
PERSEY Boys will be boys.
BABE Tonight of all nights!
PERSEY It’s the living who count.
BABE I hope I’m not grudging But Life’s so unfair!
PERSEY Babe, the past is the past!
BABE (Determined to quarrel) Are you saying Roy didn’t love His only blood brother?
PERSEY Bruce was a bully! Since he lived with his father I never met him but Roy tells me –
BABE Bruce killed himself, Persey! I found the body! Do bullies self-sacrifice? Such deaths DESTROY mothers!
PERSEY Suicide’s impulsive–
BABE You know nothing about it!
PERSEY I’m sorry.
BABE A mother has feelings –
PERSEY I know just what I’m told.
BABE Roy owes me allegiance! I gave him everything!
PERSEY It was so long ago!
(WOLVES howl)
BABE It’s neglect I can’t handle!
PERSEY Roy’s home tomorrow –then we can –
BABE Disrespect!
PERSEY (Desperately) We love and admire you, Babe.
BABE Should a mother have to visit Her child’s grave ALL ALONE?
(WOLVES howl frenziedly. DIGGER scratches to go out.)
BABE Don’t let that dog out! He’ll get dirty again!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out to dance with the wolves) We’ll visit the grave with you! I promise we will.
BABE We all make mistakes. I deserve second chances.
PERSEY (Can’t quite follow this) Meaning…?
BABE I demand forgiveness!
PERSEY I don’t understand.
BABE I didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY No one killed Bruce, Babe. According to you.
BABE But Roy MIGHT have done it. That night they were fighting – At each other’s throats!
PERSEY (Looks at her empty glass like – there’s not enough alcohol in the world for this. Wearing the hopeless expression of someone arguing with a crazy person) I’m sure Roy didn’t hang Bruce.
BABE You weren’t there!
PERSEY Bruce was the strong one. As you’re always saying.
BABE (Exalted) Bruce was born first. He pushed Roy aside! He pushed ME aside! He strong-armed the doctor! (Sighing with pleasure) Roy was the weak one, Roy was the gentle one. Tender and thoughtful. Mama’s last angel. Bruce made such fun of him. Wicked, vicious fun.
(She sounds gleeful about it. PERSEY fills BABE’s glass – might as well make a night of it)
I can’t be alone on this terrible night. Here’s to crime. Bottoms up.
(Sits up abruptly)
Why, I brought you a present!
PERSEY (Trepidation) You did?
BABE Sharing’s my motto. I can’t look at it any longer. So I thought Roy might – treasure it.
(She touches a light switch and the portrait above the fireplace is illuminated. It depicts in overwrought oils a glamorous woman with a blond boy hanging off each arm. PERSEY almost jumps out of her skin)
PERSEY Oh, my God! (She covers her face as if to hide from the portrait) Babe – I’m afraid – I don’t think –
BABE It’s a great work of art. At least admit that.
PERSEY Babe, don’t you remember The Chinese vase you once gave us?
BABE Roy had an accident, Persey. And it was only a copy! I don’t understand your compulsion To make Roy the bad guy. After all, He’s indulged you like a princess.
PERSEY (Trying to be gentle) He might not like the portrait, Babe. I’m only saying.
BABE But it’s my only picture of Bruce!
(Starting to cry)
It’s all I have left! He couldn’t be cruel to the one who gave everything!
(Poor PERSEY rolls her eyes. The WOLVES and DIGGER howl at each other)
BABE Oh, my God, what is that!
PERSEY Coyotes are unsettling.
BABE Those are WOLVES, Persey. Not some harmless creatures! People say the spirits of the murdered Howl at night in the woods, Thirsting for justice.
PERSEY Justice?
BABE Or maybe revenge. There’s no justice in this world or My boy would have lived!
(DIGGER & The WOLVES square off suspiciously)
PERSEY (Nervously) That’s superstition!
BABE You’re too isolated here. This is all a mistake. Why do my gifts go so bad?
PERSEY We need country, Babe. Roy loves to hunt.
(Stands up to listen; mustering up her courage) It’s music really.
Those noises don’t scare me. Coyotes protect us. Cleaning the forest Eating vermin and carrion.
(Puts her hand to the light switch)
Ready for bed?
BABE (Collapsing sadly. The party’s over and she never has as much fun as she wanted) I suppose so. Now I know I’ll have nightmares.
Alysse Aallyn 