Category: #BestRevenge

The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter 7 – Unavoidably Detained

She must have known we’d come
After – the apartment was empty.
Furniture gazed
Forlornly as I wandered through –
Expensive accommodations crying out
For individuality, for life.
Closets still packed but
Some clothes could have disappeared;
How could I tell?

Bathrooms littered with impersonal cosmetics –
Everything replaceable.
In the long, bare white kitchen I
Ignited a pot of coffee.
The refrigerator was particularly sad: champagne,
A month’s supply of celery juice.

And three kinds of wedding cake in origami boxes.
Mirabel must have returned – however briefly –
Because someone drank the last champagne.
Her dress lay discarded on the floor
One flounce torn, stepped on,
Ground beneath a fleeing heel.
When the coffee was ready
I sampled cake –
Choosing lemon though
Everyone likes coconut and
Some people cleave to raspberry.
Verne was collapsed in the bedroom,
Clutching Mirabel’s dress.

“I didn’t think she’d really do it,”
He said. “I suppose the wedding’s off.”
“Maybe she had an errand,”
I stupidly proposed.
“She’ll be back.”
I bundled the fantasy dress into its slick bag; a glittering
Promise too fragile to stand up to actual wear.
“Don’t you see what’s happened?”

Verne demanded.
“She doesn’t want to marry me.
Probably she never did. All along
There’s been this game. Some other man;
Using me as leverage.”
“What other man?”
Was this the double life he’d mentioned?

Crazy stuff. I sat beside
But not to comfort him.
Let’s get some facts.
“Who?” I demanded.
Those fiancés were bad at facts.
He held his head.
“There were too many.”
Now seemed the time for
Comforting.
“She’ll return – of course she will –
Or why on earth invite me here?”

He turned to me a tear-stained face –
Grabbed my shoulders and
Sucked me into a kiss –
That real “adult” kiss I’d pined for –
Dreamed of –
Oh those lonely nights
After Ricky Stoekels ghosted me –
But not this one –
A probing invasion
Shutting off my air.

I jerked away with so much force
I landed on the floor.
Verne threw himself
On the bed, face down
Wracked with sobs
While I wiped my face
Amazed. Kisses you don’t want
Are no reward.
“Love the one you’re with” –
Isn’t that what Ricky Stoekels says?
“She cheats, you cheat,”
Bastards all. I’d received
No compliment.

“Forgive me,” shuddered Verne,
“I’m out of my mind.
I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Maybe. I recognize excuses.
Having used them.
“Don’t do it again,” I said. “Where would she go?
You have some guy in mind?”
“Maybe,” said Verne.
He looked so childish, shoulders dropped,
Unresponsive iPhone fallen to the floor.

I felt sorry for him but also
Old; sophisticated;
Like he was fourteen and
I was thirty-seven.
I pushed coffee.
Always been my favorite panacea.
He sipped in new docility.
“You know the way I like it.”
I corrected brusquely,
“There is no cream or sugar.”
“I mean strong. I like it
Strong.”

There only was espresso in the house but
Why proceed with this?
Trying to apologize? I muted so
He studied me ironically.
“I suppose you’ll go home to Mama?”
I felt a chill.
Unconsidered horror. After grasping at
Independence –
Something to actually write in my break essay –
I’d return
A powerless teenage nobody.

And there were
Further Problems were
My folks convinced
I’d screwed this up somehow.
Or I could stay here,
Indulge my favorite sport;
Figuring out What The Hell
Is Going On. It’s true that Verne
A loose cannon now but
I could always arm myself and
Lock my door.
Best to grab that bull by his
You Know Where.

“No more kissing. OK?”
He flushed a dirty red.
“No. Hell no.”
“Then I want to stay. Maybe she’s in trouble.”
He shrugged this off.
“Impossible. She’s just a tease.”
But why tease ME?
Did not feel right.

Of course, I don’t know Mirabel – must
Remind myself –
But realizing Verne was Verne he’s
Probably the last to know.
I’m only second-last.
“You really think she’s left you?”
He writhed. “We play hurt
To the top of our bent. This could
Be her winning shot.”

So why keep score?
Did she owe me or –
Did I owe her?
“Well, if she left you
She left me, too.”
Why couldn’t I believe
Mirabel would ghost me?
Wasn’t that what she’d always done?
It seemed different now –
We’d been “sisters” together –
For one split second.

A fresh chill fevered me – what if –
She was handing off her bridegroom?
Those matching dresses were just too weird.
On the other hand, fashion is transgressive –
They always try to break the rules.
No. no. Let’s not go there.
“It’s on till Mirabel calls it off.
This could be nothing.
She might come back.
She’ll call. Let’s sleep. Or try this lemon cake.”
He shuddered grumpily.
“I chose the Hazelnut.”

We ate companionably together.
He’d fed me, now I fed him.
That’s called “relationship”.
He fixed me with
A gnarly eye.
“Did she warn you?
She must have said something.
What did she tell you?
Anything about him?”
I always hated third degree.

I blush as if I’m guilty.
“She told me nothing,”
I said coldly. “I
“Was invited to a wedding.”
“She’ll never call,” he moaned.
“She’ll keep the tension up
Until the victim dies. That’s her way.”
“Then you should call it off.”
I scraped the rest of my cake
Into the trash – I only
Like the frosting –
Hardening myself against their
Craziness.

Verne rose so decisively
His plate fell to the rug.
“I’m going to find her,”
He said. “Game on.
She chose me. She doesn’t get
Another choice.”
What was the matter with this man?
Physically attractive –
Probably wealthy –
Why so insecure?

The only game is not to play.
Mirabel had always coveted those
She could manipulate. Was
That my own knowledge – or
Did my parents tell me?
That’s the benefit of growing up –
it slowly dawns that
All you’re told is nonsense.
A dose of sense is
Obviously required.
“I think you’re looking at this wrong,
Mirabel’s frightened
Of our dad. He’s your “other man.”

Verne gaped at me,
Focus readjusting as if
He saw me for the first time.
“Explain.”
“Don’t you know the story?
She pretended to go to college but really cashed all
Daddy’s checks and lived the high life.
She got in trouble with student loans,
Forging dox. We haven’t heard from her for
Years and Dad’s still angry.

I thought something was up when
She wanted to come home.”
“I didn’t know. Quite little scamp.”
He seemed cheered.
“Should we wed in church?
I don’t know one marriage that’s survived ten years.”
This man could certainly surprise me.
“Mom and Dad have been married forever,”

It was more than that –
They were unimaginable without each other;
A true team – like Laurel & Hardy or
Abbott & Costello.
I could imagine no other human
Who’d put up with either of them.
How to convey this?
“Maybe you shouldn’t get married
When you are so uncertain,” I suggested.
Would I get kissed or
Slapped for interfering?

Adults don’t like second-guessing but
Mirabel forced my hand.
“All our bridges burned,”
He sighed.
“The only way is forward.”
Depressing thought!
Cheering this guy’s mood is work.

“Let’s figure out where she
Could have possibly gone. Like,
How would she travel?”
Verne sat straight up.
“Car service,” he announced.
“I pay the bills. Let’s track her.”

He worked his phone.
“I’m so glad
“You’re staying. We need you –
Alt-Mirabel.”

July 24, 2023
The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter 4 – Cocktailing

I felt played.
It’s what they do to children.
Couldn’t shuck the memory of

My own mother–
Lofty & deceitful –
Briskly turning “road trips” turned into
“Summer camp” and “one night”
Into seven.

I was being “managed”, but
Could I blame Mirabel?
Quoting Mom – again – “ Guests must
Be adaptable, obliging – a guest has
No one to blame but herself
For her bad treatment.”
Was it the expression on my face
When she showed me that dress?
Snarky baby sister punished for it now.

Mirabel had something
Better to do than me.
I was startled by
The driver’s admiration
As the Stanhope – he looked at me
As if I’d matured.
Had I insulted the bride
By overreaching?
I blame those heels –
She must have secretly hated them.

Regretted her choice of bridesmaid.
I was chastened as I joined
Verne in splendor at the bar.
He rose at the sight of me
His face a tribute
To a beauty that I didn’t want –
I felt on the edge of a childish scene.
Why didn’t his jaw set at the sight of me alone?
Were they sick already
Of each other?

His arm was decidedly un-brotherly:
Squiring me away –
He enjoyed them seeing he was meeting
Some strange woman.
“Let’s get you dinner.”
Anything better than a bar
That looked me over like
Some Russian call girl.

As we turned I was confronted
By the mirrors: I looked like
Some Russian call girl.
Blame the champagne that allowed
Mirabel to paint me up.
In my best-guest manner, I said,
“Should we wait for Mirabel?”
He demurred.
“Waiting for Mirabel’s never good.
It only encourages her.”

As the headwaiter flashed his menu
Verne snuck angry glances
At his darkened phone.
“Turtle soup’s good here,”
Said Verne: he knew my weakness –
I yearned to sample everything.
I sucked water greedily
As martini-bearing waiters
Smothered and assessed.
I ordered pineapple juice before
Verne could countermand.

He insulted me –
“I heard you were religious.”
I enlightened him.
“Famiglia’s religious but
My life’s my own free choice.”
He breathed relief –
I switched it up –
“What kind of ceremony will you have?”

He seemed stunned I’d propositioned
Then vague. “Some judge. A ballroom.
Mirabel’s in charge of that.”
I teased, I needled –
“Mirabel says you proposed
The first night you met.”
Let him fear our confidence!
He laughed sharply.
“I was waiting for trustees to die.”
Well THAT was tough to follow up.

Verne could switch it up as well.
“Mirabel can be very shattering, can’t she?”
I shirked disloyalty at this
God’s honest truth. Chose vagueness as
He had. “Life comes at us so fast.”
“I tried to free her from the life,” said Verne.
“I don’t believe she really let me.”
This was depressing – parents hoping
For good news, bride and groom stuck
In mutual complaining.

“Mirabel proposed to me.”
He said coldly. “It’s the title.
They all do that.”
I was stung on her behalf – who wants his
Moth-eaten aging royalty?
I almost choked
On sugared juice: doesn’t sugar
Wreck your palate?

I braced myself against Verne’s
Un-subtle desire
To put me in the “wrong”.
Too bad for him –
I was used to disapproval.
“I think people should make themselves,”
I argued everything
Too fiercely.

Soup arrived, bread slathered with
Mozzarella, pesto & tomato. Mini-pizzas!
I sighed ecstatically and felt from him
An answering thaw.
“When you inherit an ancient world,”
He pontificated, “you learn to value the past.”
“Do you have a castle?”
I asked through my full mouth.

Turtle soup OK. Too much sherry –
Too much curry –
He checked his phone.
“It’s a ruin with tourists crawling
Everywhere. Mirabel doesn’t care for it.”
His phone lit up. Mirabel ‘s texts?
I studied mine to be
Companionable. But it was folks again –
Always, with the questions.
“She’s not answering,” he sighed.

“We’re not as charming as
Her double life.”
This jolted me.
“She has a double life?”
“Probably triplicate by now.”
He snorted.
I tried my lawyer father’s ploy;
Let ‘em talk.
“Tell me about it.”
“She’d been so hard to pin down lately.”
Did he blush or blanch? His throat was raw
With pent emotion.

My face betrayed my armoring.
“She seemed so ready
To be a wife. Said my time
Had come to meet the family.”
Did he know of The Great Silence?
Perfidious to squeal yet how else
Could I find out
What was going on?
Beef wellington arrived
But I was full.

“I’m amazed you were real, most frankly.
I thought “the little sister”
Was another of her stories.
Kudos to your parents.”
This – and the beef wellington –
Maybe I’m vegan after all –
Made me gag.
“I was afraid she’d hire stand-ins but,
“You’re just like her yet so
Unspoiled.”

Never had a compliment
Felt more like an insult.
Creepy and revolting.
“Mirabel and I are opposites,” I stressed
Angrily before I thought.
“How can that be?”
He was smug. Superior.
“You’re litter-mates.”
“She cares what others think and
I just don’t.”

That should have stopped him but –
He smiled.
“Sisterhood is powerful.’
Unable to read him,
Know him, change him,
I felt the dawning of
Despair. It makes me hate
The grown-up world.

“I’m becoming vegetarian,” I said.
And pushed my plate away.
I was trying to be polite and now
I’d stopped.
“Americans think food fuss
Makes them interesting,”
He snarled. “It doesn’t.”

But it turned out
His disgust was not for me.
“Imagine that,”
snorted his Lordship scornfully,
Still looking at his phone.

“We’re on our own,
Mirabel can’t make it.
And now her phone is locked!
We’ll see about that!
I’m ordering the car. Time to find out just what
Our bride is playing at.”

July 23, 2023
The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter Five – Fantasy Wedding

Mirabel cinched me tight.
“There!” The mirror exposed a stranger.
I was a new person.
“Too much dress” said Mirabel,
“But with skyscraper shoes…”
From the closet she threw out bundles.

“I’d rather wear flats,”
I told her.
She reproved: “Verne is very tall.”
Who cares how tall HE is?
“Bridesmaid shouldn’t tower over bride!”
I suggested;
Reining in the
Clashing egos.

In weird familial telepathy
Mirabel declaimed,
“Princess Richenda
To the Dark Tower came.
Just like Tarot cards.”
I admired my nude, mirrored
Ribboned back.
“But how about your dress?”
“You’ve seen it.”
Like breath went out of her –
She tossed it out – they were identical.

How could that be?
Wasn’t that too strange?
I was gobsmacked –
Never heard of bride and bridesmaid
Wearing the same dress –
Think of the confusing pictures –
People getting entirely
Wrong ideas.

“Isn’t that bad luck?” I questioned;
“The groom will see the gown
Before they’re hitched” – Ending
Lamely, “If you believe
That sort of thing.”
I petered out because
No one DOES believe that sort of thing.
“My dress is size “zero” –“
Sniffed Mirabel –

Competitive,
Combative Mirabel, and I was silenced.
She knocked my phone right out of my hand –
Sussing out my efforts to bring in troops –
Mom would NEVER approve of this!
“No pictures till the wedding.”

Her pressured speech rushed on –
And on – “And now –
we dress for dinner.”
More fantasy clothes.
I looked embarrassed at my
Wrinkled skirt
Discarded
Carapace along the floor – shriveling
Like my pride.

Mirabel threw open mirrored
Doors to reveal another bedroom –
This one stocked with girlish stuff.
“This room is yours -”
She told me –
“He’s staying at The Stanhope.”

I blushed – I don’t know why –
He’d called this residence “his” –
But these closets were packed
With Mirabel clothes so
Where did I fit in?
My sister unbound my dress –

I’m not used to
Clothes that need assistants.
There’s no getting out of these gowns
Without help.
“These are yours -”

Blue slits whose ruffles
Matched my eyes –
A dress with scales –
Peekaboo and baby-doll
Price tags proclaiming
The less the dress the more the cost.

No bras here either –
And everything my size.
What was going on?
Angrily I chose heels to tower over
Mirabel – we’ll see who’s boss –
But she didn’t seem to mind.

Her makeup kit delivered
smoky eye, nude mouth and
Emerald glitter.
“Verne hates the kiss of
Lipstick.” Who cares?
These people kiss the air – I couldn’t
Get the hang of this.

She wore cherry red chinoiserie –
Now I’m impostor too.
“He’s waiting at the Stanhope Bar.”
We were silent in the elevator.
I clutched the fur I’d borrowed
Feeling naked –

Summoning up my nerve but
Maribel seemed depressed.
Deflated. Encumbered?
With me? With Verne?
With family obligation?
Traditions I could
Only guess at? I tried to play my role.
“So… how did he propose?”

My query’s gaucheness seemed
Amplified by elevator doors
Whose golden mirror
Bent our beauty so
Unflatteringly we seemed
Haunted.

“It’s not about when he proposed,” she
Told me crisply, “but
“When I accepted. He
Proposed the first night we met –
Five years ago –
Said we’d marry –
If he could get approval
From his trustees.”
Much to puzzle out in here!
So trustees must propose to Mirabel?

O Bad New World that has
Such creatures in it.
“Five years ago? Was this a secret?”
Why didn’t anyone – snoopy Richenda in fact –
Find this out?
“He hates the press – “ says Mirabel,

Whose explanations
Don’t explain. “He
Wants me to himself. And I was so unready –
seeing other people…LOTS of other people.”
Poor Verne!
We nodded at the doorman,
Safe beside the limo

I whispered, “How’d he win
You over?” But Mirabel
Did not seem to want to discuss
This sacred aspect of their story. She dismissed me.
“He was so adoring.”

She bundled me inside the car then
Backed away confronted by a ghost.
“I forgot something. Tell Verne I’ll be along.”

The car swept away, leaving Mirabel
Huddled by the curb – overwhelmed by
Her mink coat.

July 22, 2023
The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter Three – Fifth Avenue

Relief to turn away

And make what I could of the street outside.

New York City! But

All I saw was dark and dingy.

On Fifth Avenue; nonstop parade of glittery storefronts &
Entitled shoppers.

Glamorous trousseau fun!
. Our limo pulls up to Questrina,
Sets off parking lights;
A woman rushed through the double doors offering
Glossy green dress bags in outstretched hands-

Driver swept them to the car and we were off again.
“Your clothes,” explained Verne.
Excitement, confusion; the
Disappointment that
Always follows bait and switch:

You get SOMETHING
Just not what you expected.
Had my dress been chosen for me?
“I thought Maribel and I-“
“Oh, there’s lots for you to do,”
He dismissed.

Surprised he didn’t offer
Lollies to distract me.
“Here we are,” says would-be groom.
“My place.”
A skyscraper on Fifth Avenue?

Shiny red and black doorman – general
Of a third world country –
Rushed the curb. “Your lordship.”
I thought my ears unplugged.
Had I heard this right?
Did he speak American and
was Verne in fact, “a lord”?

I should have watched those damned
Downton Abbey episodes my folks begged me to see
instead of proudly sequestering with Japanese anime.
Limo driver brought all bags –
He had to use a different elevator.

43 floor ride,
black & gold enameled door thrown open on the penthouse
there stood Mirabel.

Chapter Four : The Lost Sister

My eyes filled with tears and I realized
How much I’d feared that
This was all a scam.
“Darling!”

She waved her skinny arms and kissed the air.
“Mwah! Mwah! You escaped!”
I couldn’t touch her –
We laughed and laughed.
She gave Verne a burning look –
“Get us drinks”

And dragged me –
Literally DRAGGED me into
A double-doored bedroom and
Swept me down upon a white flokati rug.
We were children again –
Conspiring & strategizing together or
She played all the parts and I
Gazed on adoringly.

She took control with those hypnotic eyes
While my school self asked,
IS this really Mirabel?
So much smaller than my memory –
Disappearing before my eyes in fact,
As she had managed to do my whole entire
Life; darker – blond all gone –

I know I’m taller now, but how could this tiny thing
Have ever been a supermodel?
Someone rattled at the door – Mirabel called –
“We’re dressing!”
Pulled me into giggle –
“Leave it!”

Covered my mouth signalling with her
Humongous eyes –
Crawling to the door she –
Peeked out –
Pulled in a
Champagne bucket and a pair of flutes.

“Grooms get in the WAY!”
She laughed and toasted me.
“But men! You know!”
She gasped and gagged as if
She’d never had such wine.
I sipped sedately.

Judgingly
As I’d learned to do with grown-ups.
Who was this Mirabel?
The way she carved me
With her eyes
She must be real
Yet something smelled
Imposture.

I just don’t know –
I’m far too new –
It’s far too weird.
She leaned to touch my hair.
“I always thought
They should have named you
Anne.”

The door opened and Verne stood over us
Looking down reprovingly.
Mirabel blanched –
I thought because she’d said
He’s not to enter –
But he was mild enough

Laying dress bags along the bed
Reproachfully
As if to ask
“How can you dress without dresses?”
Then he was gone
The door slightly left ajar.
Mirabel clicked it closed with her foot.
She called, “See you at dinner!”

I felt sorry for poor Verne
But when we heard the outer door click Mirabel rose
and unzipped the bags.
She topped off her glass with
Vodka from a bottle by the bed.
“It’s such bad champagne,” she excused,
“In Europe, babies drink this stuff.”

I studied the bottle –
Beau Joie Brut Special Cuvée –
A brute champagne.
Tasted fine to me – like
Sharpest winter air.

Mirabel offered her bottle.
“No thanks.”
She drained her tulip glass.
”You’ve certainly changed,” she commented.
Did I drink vodka at eight years old?
I said, “So have you.”

“I’m darker now. Verne wouldn’t look at blondes.”
Too bad, I thought. I’d hoped she’d find a different type of guy.
“Is he really a lord?”
Maribel rolled her eyes.
“Unfortunately.” At my surprise she added –
“It always seems to mean you can’t do
Anything you want.”

She shrugged.
“At least the restaurants like it.”
“And you’ll be –“
“Lady Verne.”
She shrugged; unexcited
By the prospect. Seemed
The opposite of what
Old Maribel would have thought.

“So, you just met?”
“Oh no, we’ve been together FOREVER –
And only now we tie the knot. But you!”
She spun me all around.
“You’re so tall! And thin!”
“I eat like a horse”
I apologized

I grow too fast – all my friends are vegan
But I eat
Everything –
“I can’t seem to fast.”
“Wait till after the wedding,”
Said Maribel

“Then just do a purge.
“Think you’d fit a four?”
The dress she pulled was pale gold,
fairytale dress with endless puffy skirt.
My gasp relaxed Mirabel’s face.
She smiled.

“I’m sure I could!”
almost dropped my wineglass in
my excitement to try it on.
Stripped down to my unsightly sports bra
And boy’s brief pants.

“Can’t wear a bra with this one,” says Mirabel.
“I’ll do you up.”
She gazed too long –
A man’s gaze I thought –
I turned away.

July 21, 2023
The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter Two: @Valerian

What does Mirabel look like now?

When I turned ten

I followed all her modeling pages
But there’s been nothing for the past
Three years.

I was smart enough to know
that airbrushed people
don’t look like that in real life.
Mirabel had been so gorgeous;

those huge eyes and perfect Roman nose seemed to promise
a matching depth of soul.
We all want to believe that beautiful people
Get everything they need from life;

yet I remembered the Mirabel I’d known.
She’d never come back to this family fold
unless something had gone horribly wrong.
As my train slid into the darkness of the Grand Central tunnel
I texted the number I’d been given with “Train on time”

followed by a happiness emoji. Then of course I wanted to delete it
But wasn’t I – as the only bridesmaid –
Obligated to act excited?
I’d never done any of this before –
It’s Brave New World to me.

The response wasn’t from Mirabel at all but labelled
@Valerian: “I’m meeting you. Mirabel otherwise occupied as usual.
Look out for red hunting coat.”
Who was Valerian? Where was Mirabel?
Was this the fiancé who had her phone?
If that was the deal from the beginning
Mom and Dad would never let me come.

Here’s Mirabel at her core – proficient
In the art of “softening people up”
Which never meant the truth.
Dad says Mirabel always “plays the inside straight”
Some disparaging poker term.

As the train lurched to a stop I stood up and studied myself in the
Mirrored windows. The girl “Valerian” would see
Looked good enough in gray skirt with shiny thigh high patent
leather boots and recently highlighted auburn hair. Nothing like
Mirabel’s blond gorgeousness of course. But
Out from beneath Mom’s thumb

I’d added to my eye makeup – Mom frowns on false lashes –
Because
looking ready for my moment
gives me hope.
I hadn’t answered the text:
Stranger Danger just too strong.
I’d Uber myself – if I knew where I was going.
But I wanted the chance to
Look at him before he looked

At me. That would work
Unless
He was the one who’d tried to
Friend me –
Meaning he’d seen all my pictures?
Ugh.
You want to be seen and yet somehow
Not.

We project ourselves into others’ eyes –
I want to be seen in a certain way –
Where I control reactions!
Of course it makes no sense
And that’s what diaries are for – endlessly
Trying to reshape
Cellphone diary fantasy. But
There he was

right by the escalators, standing out in his red coat.
Mirabel would never descend to the tracks.
A tall, distinguished looking man
in his thirties probably, very thin –
dark pants and a red down jacket.
The closer I got the more
Startlingly handsome was that weathered knife-planed face –

Beneath dark glasses – he
broke into smiles at the sight of me.
No hope of escape –
If I thought anything it was –
“He’s better than I dreamed!”
Made it easier forging some new
Relation with my uncomfortably lost sister.
He reached for my bag

Kissed the top of my forehead
Dry lips
– tasting sweat and foundation.
“Richenda?”
English accent. “I
Recognized you immediately.
You look just like Mirabel. It’s the eyes.”

I felt a gush of pleasure at
Such baseless flattery –
Wanted to argue
“I am not!” but
Zines do say we girls
must learn accepting compliments.
Sooner rather than never.
“Er, thanks.”
So ungraceful.

“What happened to Mirabel?”
“Unavoidably detained.”
He swept both me and bag away from the escalator
Down the platform.
“We’ll take the elevator to the car service.”
Actually, a limo.
The driver rushed to take my
pathetic flowered bag. Did the driver
and this so far unintroduced man
know each other – casually or
permanent – hard to say.

“You’re the fiancé?” I stuttered out.
He seemed surprised.
“Sorry,” he said, bundling me into the limo, “It’s
Wedding nerves. I’m Philip Valerian. Everyone calls me Verne.”
I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Mom thought your name was Rupert Golden!”
Verne didn’t find this amusing.
“Some previous swain,” he huffed.
Wedding nerves?
Exactly right.
He was jumpy,
Fingers drumming on my knee.
I was alone with
@Valerian.

July 20, 2023
The Missing Bride: a cellphone novel by Alysse Aallyn

Chapter 1 : Surprise Wedding

I’m Richenda

Fourteen and
I used to be bored.
Winter breaks were especially glacial

Till just recently –

Right before dinner
Mom
Put her head around my door :
“You won’t believe what happened!”
What could excite such
A dull person?

But I lacked comparisons because
This never happened before.
Slammed my book shut because –
Geometry is paralyzing –
And joined the
Guessing game.

“We won Powerball?”
“Your sister’s coming home!
To get married!”
I hadn’t seen Mirabel –ten years older – in eight years.
Truth to tell, I could barely remember her.
A lifetime ago. “Why?”

Mom – never invited in –
Leaned against the
INSIDE
Of my door.
“Make up for the past.”
Is that even possible?
Or does she want a free wedding?

Mirabel was ALWAYS
Always always always
About the money.
“So who’s she marrying?”
“I think his name was something like Rupert Golden.”

“I didn’t want to ask her to wait while I got a pen.
She said she’d send details. You know how she hates
Snooping.”
Everyone hates snooping, I thought.

Mirabel hates
Accountability.
Snooping can be fun
If you’re the one doing it.
Addictive.
“Rupert Golden’s no real name,” was all I had
To contribute.
Mom gave me her
“Like you’re the expert” face.

But fourteen year olds DO
Know everything.
We just forget
Distracted so easily.
We’ll be a whole family again
for the first time in – ages.”
So she can leave us again, I thought.

I knew.
I’d always been
Weirdly tuned from
Mirabel
“Murble”
I called her
When I learned to speak
The dazzling goddess of my
Dappled infancy.

Parents are nonsensical.
All they cared was that
She was willing to pretend
for whatever short period
that things are copacetic at the family manse.

Parents love pretending.
“When’s this happening
happening?’
“Unsettled,” said Mom.
“She wants your help to buy a dress.”
“Me?”

Up to that second I’d been a
Peeper at
The Family Drama.
Did I want to participate?
What choice did I have?

“You’ll be her only bridesmaid so she wants your
dresses to match,” said Mom,
But slowly as if just realizing
What stupidity she spoke.

“You go up tomorrow night
and the two of you come back Sunday.”
How had she agreed to this?
She still wasn’t happy.

“Unless… perhaps I’d drive you?”
“I’ve taken trains before,”
I said, trying to keep the baby whine
Out of my voice.
“I’m fourteen years old!”
“But it’s the city,” wailed Mom

Panic flaring.
“I’ve been to the city before, too,” I said.
School field trips!!!
Alone? First time for everything.

“She said she’d meet the five o’clock train,”
sighed Mom,
Obviously wondering
How had she agreed to this?
I almost didn’t like it.

So some strange woman
Could call Mom up and
Gain more freedom for me
Than I’d ever managed?

It’s a gift.
Don’t criticize its teeth.
“It won’t be dark yet,”
I said blithely.

“So is that where she’s living? In the city?”
Rumors of international travel had reached us
when Mirabel’s modeling cancelled.
And all this time she’s
Twenty miles away?

Mom seemed so unhappy.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted.
“Maybe it’s Rupert’s place.
I’ll be trusting your good sense.”

She certainly can’t trust Mirabel,
I thought. Someone in this family
Needs to do some serious snooping.

That night someone named
Philip Valerian
Tried friending me on Facebook.
I turned him down
Like a bedspread, I
Don’t talk to strangers.

July 19, 2023
Woman Into Wolf: the play

(Scene 10 – The Deep Woods. DIGGER dragging, carrying, lifting PERSEY’s unconscious body into the trees. He stands guard, howling dramatically. The WOLF SPIRITS appear, nose her, cherish her, lift her, clean her with leaves. They dress her in a wolf skin, prop her up, and dance with her. She slowly comes to life, dancing like a Maenad with leaves in her hair. The WOLF SPIRITS pull back and PERSEY’s house opens up stage left where BABE stands waiting to greet DIGGER & PERSEY)

BABE
Persey! What happened to you?
(Looking disapprovingly at the litter of champagne bottles)
This place is a mess!

PERSEY
Jarod happened to me. I’m changed forever.

(Throws herself into a chair. DIGGER, thorns & thistles in his fur, settles down protectively beside her to clean his fur.)

BABE
(Kicking an empty champagne bottle)
You’re too old for wild parties.
Time to act like the mother
Of my future grandkids!

PERSEY
I am nobody’s mother and
I never will be, Babe. It’s over.
Everything’s broken.
Broken and lost.

BABE
(Shrieking)
Here’s the thanks I get for
Giving you everything!
I’m a sick woman!
And you’re the one killing me!

(DIGGER leaps to his feet and bares his teeth. BABE halts her attack
before physical violence)

PERSEY
Roy murdered Bruce, Babe,
He told me himself!
Roy loves Jarod more than he’ll ever love me.
I think he wishes he WAS Jarod
Who’s probably a wife-killer.
THAT’S your real family!

BABE
(Forcing calm, sits down beside her)
Oh, I see what went wrong.
Persey, you must understand;
Roy talks crazy sometimes
But he never means it.
It’s fun scaring girls.
This is really YOUR fault.
Admit, you love provoking him
With dubious friendships.

PERSEY
Why does the world need a scapegoat?
None of this is my friend’s doing!

BABE
Persey, set your heart
At rest. I’ll prove to you
Roy didn’t kill Bruce!

PERSEY
How can you POSSIBLY do that?

BABE
Because Roy IS Bruce.

(The WOLF SPIRITS howl. Portrait lights up. DIGGER sits up at attention.)

Everyone knows it but you!
Don’t tell me YOU never figured it out!

PERSEY
Now YOU’RE talking crazy, Babe!
Bruce went to jail! A felon and rapist
A cowardly bully.

BABE
It’s YOUR fault I’m telling you.
You chose college over Roy,
You broke my poor boy’s heart.
He was so angry at women
At men who pretend
He became dangerous.
I lived in fear daily
All because of you!

PERSEY
I just don’t get it, Babe.
What are you telling me?
I know Bruce was born.
You had twins – did you or didn’t you?

BABE
I gave birth to twin boys
While a child myself
In a foreign country, don’t forget,
With a shaky young marriage.
I had no help at all.
I tried so hard but
I had no milk for twins.
Roy was the weakest who
Needed me most.
Bruce seemed strong but died anyway –
Roy’s father was furious! Our marriage
Dead at that moment.
There were two separate trust funds, Persey!
The old ones didn’t need it.
Wasting money is wrong!

PERSEY
Let me get this straight.
You PRETENDED Bruce was alive?

BABE
It was a game at first, understand;
A rainy-day joke!
A beleaguered mother’s brave effort
To turn frowns upside down.
Without Roy’s father we needed the money!
When Roy was bad, he was Bruce.
When he behaved, he was Roy.
But when he grew up he became
Bruce all the time –
Doing terrible things.
It wasn’t my fault! I
Couldn’t manage him and his Dad was ghosting us!

(She spits into a lace-trimmed handkerchief.)

Weak men run away!
Don’t you see that, poor Persey?
At least Roy is still here! We’re
Lucky to have him!

(PERSEY covers her face. So BABE argues with the audience.)

BABE
After my husband died, I saw so much
Possibility. Second chances! We could
Get rid of Bruce for once and for all.
A beautiful ceremony – burying
The things Bruce had broken.
The costliest grave site
With doves and balloons.
Roy swore it was over.
He promised GOD. When he forgets
We go there to remind him.

PERSEY
(Struggling to keep up)
You’re saying Roy is the one…

BABE
(Ignoring interruptions)
I admit I made errors. These were
Battlefield choices.
When you’re a mother, Persey,
You’ll understand.
There’s SO MUCH regret. But
How is Roy’s acting out my fault?
YOU had abandoned him
Saying you wanted OTHERS!
Take responsibility, Persey!
I’ve owned up to my part.
Roy gave himself to you.
He’s a one-woman man.
You toyed with his heart,
Chose COLLEGE over love!
Of course he was angry.
Of course he went crazy
Bruce came back with a vengeance!
You didn’t help MY life,
I’ll tell you that.
He offered you everything!

PERSEY
Roy attacked and raped people?
It was Roy who went to jail?

BABE
When Roy went to prison it was a miracle
I was so grateful we had
A spare name to give him!
Clever planning and foresight is what
Breeds second chances.
Young men founder with blotted
Escutcheons! Jarod was SUCH
A good friend; claiming Roy had been
In his unit. When Roy was released
Bruce could just vanish. But when Roy’s
Unpredictable I MUST be
Trustee. Increasing our holdings
Made my son hate me more!
We need to start over, Persey!
This time you must help.

PERSEY
(Slow, incredulous)
Your son is a killer!
I’ll have nothing to do with it!

BABE
He only kills teases!
Vermin and tramps!
I thought I’d explained.
You weren’t getting pregnant! You
Forced Roy into testing,
Questioned his virility! What man
Accepts THAT? Now, this misery’s
Behind us, if Brucie stays DEAD.
Don’t rile Roy up!
There’s the future to think about.

PERSEY
(Launching to her feet)
Why can’t you face truth?
Your son is a murderer
And Jarod is helping him!
Roy murdered Jarod’s wife
In some sort of pay off!’

BABE
(Slaps PERSEY’s face hard.)
Keep your voice down in my house!
Don’t say this around Roy!
Jarod’s keeping him safe!
He’s the only man Roy can
Look up to, or even respect.
Boys need role models, don’t you see?
To learn how to play! Jarod’s my hero.

PERSEY
Your family is poisoned, Babe.
Your “truth” is a lie.

(ROY’s voice offstage)

ROY
We got him, Darlin’!
We captured the guy!

BABE
(Grabbing PERSEY’s arm)
Don’t tell him you know!
Roy will kill me, Persey
I’m a sick woman!

PERSEY
Babe, please understand.
Only truth lets us breathe.

BABE
(Pointing to the door)
Get out! Get out of my house!

(PERSEY and DIGGER exit)

June 9, 2023
Woman Into Wolf: the play

(Scene 9. Lights up on PERSEY House set where ROY & JAROD wrestle by firelight while the hot tub smokes suggestively and the eyes in the portrait track their movements. NED & PERSEY at the door. WOLF SPIRITS gather around and on top of the house, eyes blinking on & off. NED beckons JAROD aside, puts an arm around him – they exit together)

(PERSEY throws herself into ROY’s arms – he seems unresponsive)

ROY
(Holding PERSEY at arm’s length)
What did you do?

PERSEY
(Still trying to connect with him)
Oh, Roy, it was awful!
Poor Stormee is dead!

ROY
She was disloyal.
Didn’t she deserve it?

PERSEY
What do you mean?
Jarod controlled her every move.

ROY
Naw. I’m hearing she strayed.
Seems there’s lots of that
Going around.

(ROY pushes her away – DIGGER growls and poises for attack. ROY kicks at him. PERSEY orders him out of the house – DIGGER slinks away – to gather with the WOLF SPIRITS protecting the house. PERSEY thinks ROY just doesn’t understand.)

PERSEY
I found her dead, Roy.
Stormee’s been murdered.

ROY
That’s not all you found, is it?
Better stop lying!

PERSEY
(Very offended)
I’m not lying!

ROY
Oh yeah? Weren’t you making kissy face
With that snooping cop who’s harassing my mother?

PERSEY
What are you talking about?
I’m making “kissy face”
With nobody but you!

ROY
And then there’s that she-male
You pal around with!
What’s that about?
Don’t my wishes mean anything?
Those creatures spread sickness.

PERSEY
Bish is my friend!
YOU’RE covered with
“Wrestling burns”, thanks to Jarod!
What’s THAT about?
I found Stormee the way you two wanted –
And now I’ll have nightmares
Forever and ever.

(Dispiritedly she undresses and climbs into hot tub)

ROY
Welcome to reality, princess.
I know you’re still hiding something!
That cop’s got your number!

(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl without restraint – ROY snatches a shotgun out of the umbrella stand)

PERSEY
Roy, for God’s sake!
Who’s hiding from whom?
That cop asked ME to find out
If Bruce is really dead!

(Eyes move as portrait lights dramatically)

ROY
Bruce? Of course Bruce is dead!
I killed him myself!
In a battle to the death
There’s only one winner.

PERSEY
You did not! You couldn’t have!

ROY
That’s all the credit you give me!
No wonder my buddies are thinking
I’m de-balled, like your mutt!
Nobody tames ME, Sweetmeat.
And you know what else I’m gonna do?
I’m going to shoot me a canine!

PERSEY
DON’T YOU DARE!

(Marches to the door where he almost runs into JAROD who is wheeling a case of champagne on a dolly)

JAROD
Whoa, buddy!
Where are you headed?

(Wrestles shotgun away, dumps it)
This party just started!

ROY
Aren’t I your alibi?

JAROD
Hell no! DNA!
They got a condom
Overflowing with man juice!

ROY
Where’d they get that, I wonder?

JAROD
You ought to know!
Don’t you trust me, ol’ buddy? Everything’s
Fixed. They got a culprit!
We’re partyin’ here.

ROY
Hear that, Persey?
They caught the guy that did Stormee!

JAROD
First, capture the love juice, then
String the guy up.

(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl)

Man, you’ve got a wolf problem.

ROY
I know! Let’s go hunting!

JAROD
You kidding me?

ROY
Party first, fireworks after!

(He shakes up a bottle of champagne and shoots it at ROY. ROY, dripping, grabs a bottle to shoot at JAROD. Merriment – not shared by PERSEY)

PERSEY
I take it we’re celebrating
Your instant divorce?

JAROD
(Kneeling by the hot tub)
Birthday champagne for you,
Persey. Primo stuff. Some people die
Some people get born.
The party goes on.
Word on the street is
You like champagne.

PERSEY
You know nothing about
What I love and hate.

ROY
This Champagne’s Persey’s favorite.
She uses a glass, though.

(He exits. JAROD leans over, looking suggestively into the water)

JAROD
Looking for company?

PERSEY
(Flicking water on him)
No. Go away.

(JAROD strips down, slides in, clutching his champagne bottle.)

JAROD
Can’t dampen the drowned, darlin’.
I’m ALWAYS all in.

(He starts climbing in – PERSEY turns her back on him, tries to climb out – he stops her)

Have a heart, Persey. You’re being mean
To a heartbroken widower.

PERSEY
You better get your hands off me
Before Roy sees you.

JAROD
Sweet cheeks
This was ALL his idea.

(ROY appears with champagne glass and kneels on PERSEY’s other side)

ROY
Here you go, cupcake’.
Fertility meds served up in Baccarat
Just how you like ‘em.

(He holds her jaw, pours champagne in her mouth. PERSEY tries to get out, they both hold her down.)

Not so fast, hon.
It’s past time to make babies.

(PERSEY begins to thrash wildly)

JAROD
Don’t waste energy, Persey.
Two against one.

ROY
Yeah. Hunters in tandem
Bring down any game.

(They swarm over her. Lights out.)

June 8, 2023
Woman Into Wolf: the play

Act 3 Scene 8
(The forest outside JAROD’s house. PERSEY is dragging DIGGER along by his collar.)

PERSEY

DIGGER! I need you!
What the heck is your problem?

(DIGGER is doing everything he can to stall and resist. TREES surge, rustle, threaten. WOLVES howl.)

Are you scared of coyotes?
I thought they were your friends.

(DIGGER covers his ears with his paws and cowers.)
I’m ashamed of you.
Such a scaredy cat!

(Bossy mother)

They’re more afraid of you
Than you are of them.
We trespass in THEIR forest.
Ssssh! Hear them talking?
Maybe if we listen
We‘ll understand their secret.

(Calls softly)

Cookie, Monica, Jean,
Mina and Jo Lee … DaToy and
Mary Louise… Jane and John Doe…

(The TREES moan and shiver their leaves)

See? They’re helpers, not haters!
Believe me, a forest is safer
Than most strangers are!
Native Americans say
The trees are our home.

(Eyes appear glittering between the trees. DIGGER and PERSEY react fearfully. PERSEY tries to master her fear to be brave for DIGGER)

Cookie, Monica, Jean, Mina,
DaToy and Jo Lee, Jane and John
Are you there?
(The eyes turn into beautiful women wearing wolf heads; the WOLF SPIRITS.)

WOLF SPIRITS
(Sing)
Welcome to The Forest…the center of life…
Holds the mystery of death.

(They dance with DIGGER and PERSEY who are at first frightened and awkward, then ecstatic & surrendering. One Spirit gives PERSEY a gift. Then slowly they pull back into the dancing trees. DIGGER wants to go with them but PERSEY jerks him back)

PERSEY
Digger, I need you to stay with me now.
Did you see them?
So many – I never expected …

(DIGGER waves his tail sadly at the departing WOLF SPIRITS. PERSEY studies her gift…a hairclip with a hair extension attached.)

I’ve seen this before.
(Falls to her knees)
This is Stormee’s. Now I’m REALLY scared.

(At last DIGGER alerts. Sniffs the clip and commences racing around. Finds more bloodied “evidence” to lay at PERSEY’s feet. STORMEE emerges from the trees looking different – scary yet exalted. Her dress is a mass of red streamers. She dances, then collapses gracefully in a heap – PERSEY finds the body – scream – light out.)

June 7, 2023
Woman Into Wolf: the play

(NED the cop exits; having to push vines aside. DIGGER runs out between his legs to dance with his friends. PERSEY throws herself on sofa, dials phone. Cell phone rings on BISH making his way through audience. Ring tone is Strangers In Paradise.)

BISH
Persey! You’re just the person!

(He leans on an audience chair arm, settling down for a nice chat.)
What’s up?

PERSEY
You’ll never believe what happened!

BISH
I can’t wait to hear!
And I‘ve got news of my own. I…
Met some special someone.

PERSEY
Well, this is incredible!
We’ll have to celebrate!
That cop came here…
The cop I told you about…

BISH
Oh, the wordsmith?
Persey, don’t we want action?

PERSEY
He doesn’t think Roy’s brother
Really is dead!

BISH
Persey, how bizarre!

PERSEY
Turns out Bruce was a rapist
Who served four years in jail
Then he vanished.
But his fingerprints turned up
At my woodland crime scene!

BISH
Oooo PERSEY I’m shivering!
It’s so sick what you’re saying!

PERSEY
If BRUCE is alive…

(She hesitates with a shocking realization)

BISH
Persey! What?
Tell me.

PERSEY
Roy would kill him.
Remember that portrait?

(The Portrait lights up & participates, the little boys writhe like spirits in hell)

BISH
That you said he’d destroy?

PERSEY
He says he’s keeping it
To remind him that Bruce
Can never hurt him again.

BISH
Oooo Persey, your husband
Is so full of surprises.

PERSEY
Wait. I’m getting a call.
It’s Roy. Gotta go.
Talk about your crush next time?

BISH
Hard to compete with a family like yours.
My life was SO unexciting till I met
Mr. Right Now!

PERSEY
Bish! Hasta Manana!

(Lights off on BISH who perambulates along his way, Lights up on ROY and JAROD lounging together at the side of the theatre)

PERSEY
Hi, hon. What can I do for you?

ROY
Puddin’, Jarod and I need you
To check up on Stormee.
She was coming for lunch but
She never showed and her phone
Has gone dead.

PERSEY
Oh, Roy…

(Writhing – she just LOATHES STORMEE)

Can’t Jarod go look?

JAROD
(Taking the phone)
Sweetmeat, we’re stuck here.
Payin’ the bill. Gotta
Get back to work.
You’re close by. I’m … concerned.

(Wheedling)

Won’t you do this one little thing
For your favorite guys?

PERSEY
(Totally furious at hearing from JAROD)
Fine. Tell Roy I love him.

JAROD
Oh, we know, sugartits.
Believe me, we know.

(The men giggle conspiratorially and lean together. Lights off.)

June 6, 2023