Alysse Aallyn

Category: Creativity

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    The Field – Fate:

    If This Card Chooses You – You are about to go through some things. Do you dream of costume drama? Historical characters? Ancient books? Do you consult tea leaves? Are you superstitious? We are all caught in the mesh of history. The field is too large for us to see it clearly. We can feel the pull of forces too vast to resist or even rise above and visualize. Those caught in wars, in genocides, in natural disasters, are brutally unlucky. But the techniques of the Warrior can substantially save, improve, even alter their fates. Naturally we yearn for a trustworthy clue to extract us from this maze.

    Warriors Are Caught and Called – by History. Sometimes we are crushed by the gears of chaos. According to the philosopher Hegel, “Heroes are singular figures “whose vocation it was to be the agents of the World-Spirit.” Such heroes interfere in and remake the world; their deeds produce “a complex of historical relations which appear to be only their interest, and their work.” 
    Remember, the Warriors’ Code is “Never Surrender”. Never consent to the misuse of human dignity.

    Warriors’ Challenge – Always try to comprehend the bigger picture by comparing it to several other proven scenarios. Were those who fled Germany before Hitler shut it down, France before the Terror or Indonesia before the tsunami just “lucky” or had they learned to read the signs? Rulers by whim are even more dangerous than the weather, for their brains inevitably become echo chambers rotting from within. The larger the council of power the better – true democracy is best, but even then there are those self-destructive ones among us desiring to “shake things up”; loving chaos for its own sake. They may dream of riding a whirlwind but no one can ever truly tame a whirlwind. As the Chinese say, you can ride the tiger but you can’t get off. The challenge is to see the whirlwind – and the tiger – coming.

    Warriors Inhabit Danger – Is the danger learned helplessness, our old enemy? Or is it comfort – we’ve created a berth for ourselves that’s just too cushy to leave? Sometime the danger is an inability to imagine evil: “it CAN’T get that bad” or “These people are my friends.” Famous last words. Or is panic the enemy? Don’t risk becoming too terrified to think. Study up.

    Warriors Seize Opportunity – Have you noticed, yet, that it’s always the same opportunity we must accept? To grow up. To embrace maturity. To become more like God, or as the Gnostic gospels call the Creator, “Good”. To regard each other with the wise generosity of compassion. Study all input intelligently. Learn to recognize and repudiate garbage. Don’t be lured by fantasy thinking of effortless achievements. In order to claim our opportunity we must seek out and create safe spaces to grow, think and learn.

    Models & Mentors – “We are spinning our own fates, good or evil, never to be undone” – William James

    “No matter how dirty your past, your future is spotless” – Drake

    “Our destiny is not written for us, but by us” – Barack Obama

    “If you can influence, direct or control your environment , you can make your life what you want it to be” – Napoleon Hill

    “Life is choice, not chance,” – Jean Nidetch

    “Winners fail until they succeed” – Robert T. Kiyosaki

    #Haiku: Controlled Accidents

    All art’s
    “Controlled Accident”
    You plus God plus
    Fate:
    Steer into the skid

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle

    Passion – Courage:

    If This Card Chooses You – It’s Time to Release Your Power. Do you dream of fantastic feats? Sports? Circuses? Meritocratic competitions? Do you fear standing up in front of the class? Your psyche yearns to muster passion, the fuel for courage. Passion propels us forward when it would be safer to hang back. Why?

    Passion Makes You a Warrior – From your youngest years, you recall that boiling inside of you. Some of us were shamed, some were praised, all of us were re-directed. It is in maturity that we begin to make sense of our passions and to see clearly that not everyone has the same ones.

    Define Your Passions – Passions evolve while you grow as a person. We are constantly re-defining the problem, as well as the Self with which we see the problem. You will “graduate” from one passion to another until you find Compassion, its highest form. This life trajectory is cause for enough for Celebration.

    Passion’s Worth Defending – Intense caring means you’re staking out ground in the universe. The desirable – justice, truth, art – whatever it is – is so important it needs advocates. You become aware that it’s under attack from people who, for personal reasons of their own, find it inconvenient. “Those who fail to stand up for something will fall for anything.”

    Passion Gives You Courage – Defending anything is extremely scary. You can expect to experience every sort of pushback. Studying these possibilities is the beginning of your education as a warrior.

    Have You The Courage of Your Passions? Sometime we want something concrete, but most of the time it is the adventure itself that we seek, we long to be transformed into an athlete of endurance who can farther faster, learn more better and imagine deeper and more vibrantly.

    Fear is a Reaction, Courage is a Decision – Even if you don’t like to fight with your fists you must fight with your mind, with your longing, with your desire. So much is impossible, yet humanity attempts the impossible every day, and a surprising extent of the time, we succeed. Our well-being, our future, depend upon this passion and this courage. Be as wily as a serpent and as gentle as a dove so that your power morphs to encompass the problem.

    Broken Warriors – Will your heart and your courage be broken? Many times, says the fable. But light comes in through the broken places. You will flex and bend. You will evolve and grow. Your passions will change. You will rise above your passions. Your courage will evolve. YOU WILL FLOURISH and the beauty of your effort, of your dream, joins together with all the other glorious human resolutions and accomplishments to power the planet.

    Warrior Danger – Derailment is common. It is endemic. It is not the end. We live in a capitalistic society where some deliberately harness the passion, the courage, the imaginations of others to benefit only themselves. It is heartbreaking to put all your keenest insight into discoveries and achievements that only serve to buy baubles for billionaires. Soldiers can find themselves giving everything for Very Bad Ideas. Artists watch their best installments torched and trashed. All of us face the shock of old age – if we are lucky. You need a shock absorber to upgrade your courage.

    Warrior Opportunity – The hum of the universe provides the refreshment we need. There is still much peace and beauty in the green places, and the eyes of children provide all the light we need. To be strong requires exercise – Push-relax, push-relax. Nutrition has the same requirement. There’s a time to eat and a time to fast and each of those spaces is holy. The less we take, the less we require, the finer tuned becomes our mechanism. The more there is to share. Share with holy people who recognize and honor the gifts of God, not those who try to inspire hate, divisiveness and violence. Naturally we have sore places – we are warriors! We all need to give and receive the magical healing of a loving touch. Let that courage be your passion.

    You Are Not Alone – Someone has your back. Find out who: among the people who love you, among historical figures, famous thinkers and contemporary philosophers. If you can’t find a group, start a group. True friends give each other courage.

    Models & Mentors – “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

    – Brene Brown

    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage” – Anais Nin

    “Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute for experience.” – Paulo Coelho

    “It takes courage to become who you really are.” – e.e. cummings

    “Courage is contagious” – Billy Graham

    #Haiku: Devourer of Hearts

    Scaling hearts
    For final judgment:
    Soured hearts
    Desiccate;
    Passion hearts
    Burgeon

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Recovery – Rebirth –

      If This Card Chooses You – Re-Imagine Yourself. Have you been dreaming of rebirth? Second chances? Starting over? Do you wake up in the middle of the night screaming, “Mulligan!”

      “The bad news is time flies – the good news is, you’re the pilot.“ Recovery is what happens we repel a demonic force that kept us in thrall – could be addiction, illusion, corruption, compulsive behavior; even a poisonous culture. Were we hostage to another human being who didn’t want the best for us? This requires deep thought about our best interests. As our brains clear we get ideas. Ernest Hemingway used to say we are “stronger at the broken places”; Nietzsche expressed it as “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”. Healing provides peace as well as joy. We give thanks that we have begun the journey.

      Second Chances are about expecting to stumble. Watching toddlers try to “rise and walk” we consider it lucky that they don’t mind being laughed at. (In fact, they love it.) It takes them time to figure out this new challenge. Like beginning skiers, they cling to objects, sway exaggeratedly back and forth, slam into things, and plop down SPLAT; not just once or twice but over and over. The toddler hasn’t been born who suddenly vaults up suavely and starts swanning around in a sophisticated manner. Embrace the last step of Recovery: “Expect to go splat.” Of course we don’t WANT to – fingers crossed – it’s dangerous and bruising. We’d better arrange to have someone around – just in case. But you don’t fail unless you refuse to rise again. Don’t even bother counting the times you were “brave”. It’s only the “getting back up” that counts. As long as you’re doing that, you’re a true winner.

      Warrior Danger – Life never goes the way we planned. There’s the excitement of finding a plan, investigating goals, making them ours, and committing to the plan – and then there’s living the plan. Suddenly we don’t know how to get through the next ten minutes – worse, we make a “big mistakes” unconsciously. The rational self we’ve planned for fails to show up and instead we turn into some irrational monster who threatens murder when momentarily frustrated. This is like sport-learning. Allow each new behavior to penetrate every fiber of your whole body. Rehearse over and over. (10,000 times?) It’s ALL mistakes at first.

      Concepts of “perfection” and “purity” are completely misplaced here; this is more like forming calluses over tender new skin. It feels funny at first, sore. It might actually “hurt.” We’re on the early steps of a long journey to a wonderful place; and we won’t get there unless we forgive ourselves, pick ourselves up and keep going.

      Warrior Opportunity –
      Ever heard of a “dry drunk”? The phrase refers to the state of envying those who “indulge” and feeling that we are somehow lesser, damaged beings because we “can’t.” How does this regret pertain to the warrior’s pledge of mindful living? We are devoted to contrasting our planned empowerment with others’ benumbed abandon. Think about what this means. Who envies loss of consciousness? Wouldn’t it be better to remove the source of the pain, the shame we are escaping from? Is this nostalgic fantasy of mental sleep really some faint memory of union, with the lost, beloved Other? What would it mean to give up these blind yearnings, this cultivated pain and these unbearable memories to lead a fresh, released and intentional life? It means accepting and becoming a new self in all our exquisitely uniqueness, exploring everything that implies. Recovery is “self-forgiveness”; going forward with a clear-eyed, honest appraisal of ourselves, resources and desires. “I am free”

      Warriors Crest the Wave – Most people have too narrow a self-definition to dare to try new things, but daring and courage are essential features of being a Warrior. Just because something sounds uncomfortable doesn’t mean we won’t someday like it so much we make it part of ourselves. If you’re used to sleeping on the floor, going without breakfast and struggling with a new language, you’ve learned to be unafraid of those things.

      Warriors Are Cagey – We don’t expose ourselves to unnecessary danger. We are constantly developing our safety instincts to recognize insecure situations before they get out of control. A main reason for frugality is that situations can become “too comfortable” – your senses are being dulled! Sharpening senses is what Warriors are all about!

      Warrior Are Reborn Many Times – Creating our own maps means we go many wrong ways before we find the right one! It’s the process. Throughout our quest we transform ourselves many times to incorporate our new knowledge.

      Self-Definition Is Key – Should you be ashamed of taking a wrong turn? Or confident because you figured it out, and proud that you were able to change?

      You Chose the Recovery-Rebirth Card – Your body is completely new every seven years. You welcome every new day. You are eager to meet new people and find out what makes them tick. You like putting yourself in new situations and figuring out how to cope. Read “Survival” manuals and try out escape rooms with your friends. Explore the sport of orienteering.

      Models & Mentors – “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life”

      – J.K. Rowling

      “The airplane takes off against the wind, not with it” – Henry Ford

      “Believe you can and you’re halfway there” – Theodore Roosevelt

      “The best way to predict your future is to create it” – Abraham Lincoln

      #Haiku: Recovery = Rebirth

      Mulligan –
      Rare gift;
      A “do-over”
      ‘Cause you DO know
      What you know now

    1. Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

      Autumn – Regret

        IF THIS CARD CHOOSES YOU – Something’s bothering you. Do you lie awake at night recalling bad moments from the past? The Regret Warrior Oracle card says you need tackle the problem of “change” NOW. What moods flood in when you close your eyes? What would you change NOW? How do you WANT to change?

        Why are people so afraid of looking inside their psyches? Because of Regret, that’s why. The things we’ve already done or that we already are that can never be changed. Sorrow floods in – now we feel helpless, we hate ourselves and we can’t fix anything. We fear we are in for a bad, cold, frigid winter of discontent.

        LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD – No one can do this but you. You are serving as prosecutor against your own life and guess what? – that’s not fair. Fundamental Attribution Error means people blaming individuals for actions that were the result of mass decisions or life circumstances over which they had no actual control. Look into it, if you want to. (Sometimes we need to.) Or you can just forgive yourself and move on. After all, we’ve got the future to think of. Warriors won’t be stymied.

        WARRIOR CHALLENGE – First, forgive yourself. You were held hostage by fortune (we all were) and inevitably you went full-on Stockholm Syndrome and identified with your attackers and tried to please them. (We all did. It’s called Society.) Now you’re madder at yourself than you are at them. Forgive yourself.

        WARRIOR DANGER – The moment you drop that burden, you’re in another part of the forest. Surprise! This wasn’t the plan but here you are. The Danger is – you’ll give up. Don’t. NEVER GIVING UP IS THE WARRIOR’S SUPERPOWER. We CREATE paths where none existed. You can easily see from every fairy tale and hero’s journey you’ve ever studied that now we’re getting to the Good Part. By testing your muscle you get to grow your muscle. If your muscle is never tested, it withers. So get ready.

        WARRIOR OPPORTUNITY – We don’t know everything. Even Jesus demonstrated surprise about the way things turned out. Be gentle as a dove, he advised, but wily as a serpent. Serpents can get out of anything. (Ask a herpetologist.) And so can you. It’s just a bigger world than we knew – both inner and outer – so get mapping. I guarantee you – IT GETS BETTER.

        YOUR Superpower: Our brains are constructed in a way that allows us to move backward and forward through time, watching and judging ourselves from the outside, always considering multiple possibilities, outcomes and problems. We have a tendency to regard this power as a burden and envy those whose lack of questioning seems to make them more carefree. But it is this exact superpower that designates us as Warriors.

        Even When We Enjoy We Regret: There’s always something we could have done differently. And that unknown outcome is bound to seem preferable to the reality in which we find ourselves. Don’t waste time on regret. You drew the “Regret” card to remind you that time – even pleasurable time – is always limited. Restrict the amount of time you spend on regret! Congratulate yourself on your ability to play a multi-level game, forward and backward through time, peopled by a panoply of characters. Open up your Training Journal and take a God’s eye view of your world. See anything different? Fresh? Exciting? New?

        There’s Lots to Enjoy About Autumn – It’s a beginning, not an ending! The world is freshening up to divest those tired leaves and grow some sharper weather! Always consider the exercise possibilities. Maybe you can stay out longer! There’s a lot of fellow Warriors in the Polar Bear Club!

        Models & Mentors – “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than the things I haven’t done.” – Lucille Ball

        “There are no regrets in life, only lessons.” – Jennifer Aniston

        “We have only one life, and the second life begins the moment we realize that fact” – Confucius

        “I was designed by my Creator to not only feel pain and love but to become whole inside it. I am a Warrior” – Glennon Doyle

        “Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile” – William Cullen Bryant

        #Haiku: Regret

        Coulda
        Woulda
        Shoulda
        Didn’t. Now you
        Wish
        Things
        Different.
        Clean slate.
        Write.

      1. Becoming a Warrior – The Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

        EGO – YOU

          What It Means If You Choose This Card – Your ego has work to do. Jung tells us that in your dream, you are everyone. You chose the Ego card to start your day. Or did it choose you?

          YOU ARE A SEEKER – You are self-defining. You are on a quest. You wish to explore your possible incarnations.

          WARRIOR DANGERS– The danger of solipsism is that in turning our eyes inward we miss important signals coming from other people and the world around us. Yet you must “retreat inward” it’s a vital path to self-knowledge and growth.

          WARRIOR CHALLENGE -set a Spirituality Schedule to reflect your needs and interests. Appoint time to be absolutely alone, for meditation and reflection. If you cannot find a room to yourself, a closet will do. You can sit in the meditation position or assume any position that allows you to be comfortable enough to become physically forgetful. Concentrate first on building a life that allows both inner and outer growth. Surround yourself with people who respect this decision.

          WARRIOR OPPORTUNITY – This is a journey. Accept it. Begin a journal with 1. “I” and write down your meditation thoughts and desires. This can be a poem, a fantasy, a checklist – whatever pattern occurs to you as supportive of your desires. Make a list of goals. Push shame away. This is about YOU. Of course as you evolve, your goals will evolve, and your journal will reflect that. When you have completed your Time Alone – ten minutes to an hour – whatever works for you – pat yourself on the back. What an achievement! You are started on a path of making changing Nightmares into Dreams and making dreams come true.

          How I Became a Warrior: Am I me or is my diary me? I’ve been keeping a diary since I was seven years old. My first problem was who I was writing to – that took seven years to solve. (Answer: Me.) My second problem was who I was. I haven’t solved that one yet but since I became a warrior I feel I’m within sighting distance of the answer.

          • A warrior repels takeover because
          • A warrior knows what she has to defend
          • A warrior knows when to let down her guard
          • A warrior learns from mistakes and hones her art

          Planning: Warriors lead a designed life. A diary (also called a Training Journal)offers the ideal format in which to plan. Attempt to quantify the difficulties that you feel and assess possible reactions. Just because a situation is tough does not mean it shouldn’t be explored – on the contrary

          • Warriors aren’t afraid of difficulty:
          • Warriors look for opportunities for resistance training

          The First Resistance – Often savage, is from yourself. Slowly we realize we have hijackers inside our brains wrestling for control. You can recognize these by their negative content. They clearly wish to subdue us into clones which is NOT HEALTHY.

          Becoming a Warrior – It is this resistance that first marks our warrior status. Congratulate yourself. You are on the road.

          Training Journal – Carefully assess your desires versus the demands on you. List expected results if you gave in to either. Develop a concept of health. Is ”freedom” staying up all night, consuming whatever substance makes you “feel better”? Clearly not. Assess the negative voice; “You’re weak”, for example. Being “in flight” from the negative voice is actually giving it mastery, you must stand up to it. Learn to answer back – “I’m in training. I did better today than yesterday.” Keep track of your achievements. Even really small ones: “I meditated for 10 minutes” are significant.

          Models & Mentors: Always survey possible models. Who do you admire? Is it

          Bruce Lee: “The difference between a warrior and an average man is laser focus.”

          Is it Carl Jung: “I am not what happened to me I am what I choose to become.” Develop your own models.

          Accept mystery: Life isn’t “win or lose.” It can’t be quantified because we are magical souls with magic coursing through us. Sometimes it’s impossible to figure out and must simply be absorbed, not rationalized. Learn to enjoy art and accept the relief it offers. Reflect back as much magic & mystery as you can muster. Your tastes will develop according to your growth – that’s a good thing. Treat yourself like a loving sensei who wants the best for you.

          #Haiku: Id vs Ego

          Argumentative
          Executioner
          Prowls brain
          Seeking
          Loopholes

        1. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

          Passion – Courage –

            When I gave my stepmother a short story to read, she recommended I join a writer’s group. I laughed and said I’d belonged to COUNTLESS writer’s groups! Literally, God knows how many.

            She was surprised, I guess that my bumps hadn’t been smoothed out.


            It takes courage to share your passions. I saw a lot of talent in writer’s groups. They definitely showed me techniques of riveting attention grabs I hadn’t yet thought of. But every writer comes up against the problem of; how much are you going to let them change you. Usually, if you follow someone’s direction down an uncertain path, you need to be able to trust that person. And I could never quite get there.

            I remember when my first serious novel was accepted for publication – “serious” as opposed to my gothic – I was so excited, and immediately shared that info with two of my writer’s groups, thinking they might want me to speak about the effort and the experience. But they showed no interest whatsoever. I couldn’t even get my local newspaper interested!

            I contacted my old writing teacher and offered him a copy but he was uninterested, too. He’d moved on.

            This was a shock. I couldn’t have pissed off ALL these people – in one of those groups I had been a completely accepting student. I began to think it might be like contacting a home-buying seminar and telling them you’ve bought a house. All they’ll say is, “Good for you.”

            Writer’s groups are about relationships – something I suspect I’ve never been good at.

            My courage was diminished: somewhat. Luckily the Warrior Ethos tells you that’s exactly the time to make a plan to keep going. Because Being Warrior isn’t about Going Along to Get Along. It’s about finding out what the truth really is, every time. Truth isn’t a fact, it’s a modality Warriors live in. Warrior passion never diminishes. It grows.

            #Haiku: Wake Up I’m All Alone

            #Haiku: Wake Up I’m All Alone

            Spooks need
            Dupes:
            Dead need
            Goodbyes:
            Sustain
            Feedback loop:
            Frustrate
            Rejection.

          1. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

            Youth – Resilience –

              Right before my husband and I moved East, I applied to the MFA program at Brooklyn College and to my surprise, was accepted and offered a “fellowship”. I was given a stipend and a class to teach. When they asked where I’d graduated college, I left the form blank. In my Warrior Way, such things weren’t important. Apparently , they didn’t notice this until half-way through the semester. When they confronted me on it, I said I’d been to two colleges but hadn’t graduated from anywhere. With the insouciance of youth, I didn’t think it was such a big deal. After all, they were a college! I was there to take whatever classes were required to get their silly degree. If that meant I couldn’t teach classes, that was OK by me. These prep classes – how to write an essay – were Brooklyn’s way of weeding out undergrads who couldn’t hack the demands of college courses. Traumatic for teacher AND student. I wouldn’t miss giving them. I didn’t aspire to be a teacher, I wanted to be a writer. Before my record was discovered, my teaching was given very high marks. Afterwards – not so much.
              But the college felt it was a VERY big deal and kicked me out. My writing teacher offered to contest their decision, but I told him not to bother. I was realizing that I probably DID need a degree, that I probably DID need to go to college and that Brooklyn WASN’T the right place for me. (I didn’t like their writing program!)

              I was feeling the powerful pull of mysticism. One of the reasons I was so cavalier about universal requirements was that I felt the world they represented was an illusion. I could see the Real World invitingly glittering, unexplored, around me. I applied to undergrad at LaSalle College which also offered me a writing fellowship. Here I worked one on one with students to improve their writing and I wasn’t required to grade or even assess anyone. I took it.

              Fellows

              Choosing the perfect word
              Is about rendering the fatted thought;
              Blending ideas –
              Maximizing luck &
              Happenstance;
              Unbulking winged objects
              Capable of flight –
              Lifting you
              And maybe me –
              Out of the muck
              We all woke up in
              Just this morning.

            1. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

              Ingenuity –

                I loved writing, I wanted to be a writer, so it certainly seemed that I should come up with a writing solution for my financial problems.


                “Gothic” novels were popular when I was in my 20’s; historical romances featuring aspirational heroines from the wrong side of the tracks who catch the eye of a moneyed, powerful man. I was a big reader of Victorian and Romantic literature which is loaded with fascinating true stories. Take Thomas Love Peacock, friend of Shelley and author of Nightmare Abbey and Crotchet Castle; a member of the landed gentry who saw a village girl sewing in a window and adopted her into his family for the rest of both their lives. Seemed like there was a story there! I also was a fan of ghost stories, especially Edith Wharton’s lovely After, where you see the ghost but only realize it afterwards. How about a ghost that adapted to the viewer? I had great fun writing this novel during a long, snowed in winter in Maine, sent queries to agents alphabetically and picked the first one who liked Devlyn and wanted to represent it (her name began with “C”.) I continued receiving rejections from lackadaisical agents long after the book was actually published, such is the state of the literary world.

                She sold the book relatively fast. I took the train from Washington DC to New York city and was taken out to lunch by my editor, who seemed likeable enough. She said I was so pretty, maybe they should make it a series. The money they offered wasn’t anything you could live on, but the print run was over 100,000 copies! That had to mean something.

                Then the publisher was sold. My editor was fired. My second editor and I did not hit it off. She seemed to dislike gothics and be embarrassed by them, she wanted to represent “memoirs.” I was stunned. Memoirs by definition are nonfiction. If she didn’t like fiction, what was she doing in this job?

                Not much, as it turned out. She was out, and I was offered a third editor, whose specialty was Westerns. I kid you not. Aren’t all “genres” really the same?

                I attempted to cultivate other editors. I attempted to cultivate other publishers. It was depressing how often sex appeared to be part of the deal. I was used to making my own choices in that area and I was not remotely turned on by any of these guys. Eeeeew, followed by “Ick.”

                I got a new agent. My Warrior ingenuity was playing out but soon, it would be “played out.” Because I was an artist. A key feature of Being a Warrior is not becoming a mercenary. Because that’s something different. I had things I wanted to write for me. I couldn’t explain what they were, because the only way to find out was to write them.

                #Haiku: Devlyn

                Ghosts mirror
                Fear, says brave
                Thea; this killer’s
                Motive laid bare –
                “Revenge”.

              1. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

                Memory –


                After the bank took our house, we moved into one of the vacant condos in their project. My mother-in-law sued us with a federal injunction that accused us of damaging her tax credits.

                  Throughout this horrible state of affairs my husband kept hoping his mother would come to her senses. I consulted a divorce attorney but realized that I didn’t want a different husband, I wanted a different life. I wanted to return to the past, when we were happy and everything was possible.

                  At this time, my own family sold our summer place in Maine and I gained a sudden influx of cash. I decided to use it to get my husband away from his mother and into a new life. There was certainly the possibility that he would feel obligated to choose her, because of his “sunk costs” or just feel emotionally unable to leave his situation.

                  Through the nine years of our marriage we had found joy and release visiting his family summer place, StormFall, in the Berkshires, and it seemed to make sense to choose somewhere near there. Hartford was the nearest big city and Connecticut seemed halcyon and clean; almost a paradise in comparison with Philadelphia. The children were six and two at the time; as soon as I received my psychology degree from LaSalle U we took off to explore the Hartford suburbs. Manchester, “Silk City”; “The City Of Village Charm” seemed just perfect. I bought a cute little new townhouse and enrolled the kids in school. It took Toss only a few months to join me. He hired a lawyer to extract him from his partnership and he found a wonderful job writing for the Connecticut Lawyer. He stayed there twenty-three years! We were a happy family again.

                  NEW HOUSE

                  The pregnant car disgorges
                  Us. It’s winter.
                  We beat our gills as light
                  As hummingbirds.
                  In a town of green schools and
                  Greener parks this
                  New built house
                  Gapes and swells
                  To draw us in.
                  There’s a science room and
                  A writing room and
                  A TV room and
                  Rooms for children.
                  We sleep aloft for safety
                  High above the thorny osiers
                  Unseen by the demon’s angry outriders;
                  Cherishing a safe word
                  She’ll never guess; it’s
                  Love.

                1. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

                  Dreams & Imagination

                  Children can’t differentiate between what’s real and what’s imaginary. Neither can artists, because Mind Power is the only game in town. Classic Comics put out wonderfully evocative, absorbing versions of Robert Louis Stevenson’s adventures – The Black Arrow, Kidnapped and Treasure Island. His stories have psychological questions about who’s worthy of trust and who’s a victimizer that affect me powerfully to this day.

                  I wrote and illustrated a story – Poor Left Out Harry – that my parents noisily admired and showed to all their friends. Someone sent it to a publisher (we never got it back.) I was very surprised by this because I intended it as a joke and was much more psychologically involved in making up new worlds, copying Narnia, in a complex mapmaking game my sister and I invented called Scrambles & Rocks. But then, as now, Officianados want you to “write what you know”, and as third daughter, I was uncomfortably familiar with being left out of things. I learned if you want to write about what interests YOU, you’re going to have to Resist adult promotion.

                  #Haiku: Re-Cognition

                  Confront
                  Contemptible
                  Quotidian
                  Skewed,
                  Re-Ignite. You’re
                  Welcome