Alysse Aallyn

Category: #Family

  • The Language of Butterflies – walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    The path = GOALS -“A swan’s wing shows”

    “What do you want REALLY?”

    Tantra is the Path of Attachment. Being is travel. Movement. Closing in on a possible, seemingly viable Soulmate, we need to move forward slowly, checking items off our list and paying close attention to the items on THEIR LIST.

    That’s the focus of the passage we call “The Path” – bringing your intra-psychic “lists” to consciousness. Because you are always operating with a list, whether you are aware of it or not, but some of the items on it might be seriously out of date, illogical, contradictory or downright pernicious. (Such as, “I need my partner to guarantee they’ll never get sick or grow old.”)

    Think deeply about your dreams and do your best to verbalize them, if only to yourself or to a trusted other. Some of us benefit by writing it down. Accept that goals evolve because…we are alive. Being is travel, remember?

    Goals are all about communication. With yourself first, then with others. As we feel our way forwards, our goals change. Having a partner who’s the same as we are (an introvert, a careerist, a Democrat, to give a few examples) may suddenly stop being so important as we connect on a deeper plane. Some of our goals were designed to protect us, and it may be that as we begin to trust our partner and grow ourselves we need less and less protection.

    Being is Travel. As we shape the Path, it shapes us. Even the most anti-social creatures are constantly making paths for others to follow. Such delight when we uncover a ready-made Path! (Path-making is exhausting!) Such a mysterious invitation! Paths must lead Somewhere. Paths speak of Destination, Intention, Design, History. Every Path, Visible or not, speaks of the existence of The Other. Paths are our Robinson Crusoe footprint. They represent Hope: this Path worked not just once, but many times. We are proud of being Pathmakers in our turn, leading the weary, frightened traveler of the future toward confidence and reliability.

    Goals

    A swan’s wing shows
    The universe.
    No surprise to me –
    From this small window I see
    More than I can ever
    Understand; still I cast my nets
    And still I’m sinking;
    Restless; forced to move
    This unfriendly virus IS my blood –
    I see it in your eyes
    Thirties wasted and nothing come.
    It never quite meets –
    Attempt and reach.
    I see it in my dreams which
    Introduce me to the dead;
    Protect my essence from the hive.
    Wrapped tightly in this web of
    Earthly light; we
    Pray for mystery, glory; thought & sight.

  • the Language of Butterflies – walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    Danger = RISK, DESTRUCTION: “Online”

    “Face your fears” – Reaching out to others makes us vulnerable. We have to be trusting, and danger can be hard to recognize. It comes in forms we have never seen before; sometimes in forms no one’s ever seen before. Luckily, we are hardwired to perceive Danger. That doesn’t mean we will always perceive it, or even know which direction it’s coming from; Danger is a clever chameleon, prone to snares and disguise. But it does mean we should never put our “Danger perceptors” entirely to sleep the way others might demand – requesting an unnecessarily lavish display of trust. You will find those demanders frequently hold back a few cards themselves, sometimes for “our own good” but always for their own good.

    Challenge – Today we will examine “pushback”. While planning ways to intensify our presence in the world so that we can find our soulmate and our soulmate can find us, we must think about how much cooperation can we expect from the “universe” at large. Damn little! And why is that? Status quo? Inertia? Entropy? Too many dancers and too few partners? All of the above?

    In trying to create change are we water flowing downhill seeking a path “of least resistance” or are we more like an exhausted marathoner stumbling up a steep incline (in bad weather!)

    What will “resistance” against us look like and where will it come from? Most importantly, how will we react? Marathoners must conserve their strength. This course is unfamiliar: we have no idea what traps, snares and pitfalls lie ahead. How can we arm ourselves? One technique is to try not to take all this pushback personally. To do so might waste precious emotional resources. When we see others as preventing us from getting ahead, they see us as threatening their place in the world. “Resistance” may even be “blind” through Acts of God, devolution and just plain bad luck. We’re all familiar with the cataclysmic damage “being in the wrong place at the wrong time” can inflict.

    But if we are determined to move forward in our pursuit of a soulmate, we have committed ourselves to motion. Let us then “enlighten” and educate our intellect, studying what we might expect and strategizing how we can protect ourselves and achieve synchronicity.

    Don’t we secretly already know that our fear itself creates most monsters? And yet there ARE real things to be afraid of out there. For that reason, we need to face our fears squarely and list them, but we also need to honestly assess the risks. It never fails to surprise me that in exclusively online communications, people don’t make more of an effort to find out whether the other person is “real” or not. That can only be because they are enjoying the connection so enormously. It is filling a vacuum, and that pressure alone will render us willfully blind. The Buddhists counsel us to look at our emotions from a distance. Don’t judge them, don’t disregard them, simply observe them.

    It is “just” a feeling. It is OK to enjoy a conversation. But if the only reason you enjoy it is because you are entering into an impossible fantasy, danger signals should be flashing. No harm in running background checks! No harm in running this person’s “picture” through Google to see who they REALLY are – or aren’t. If the best conversations don’t happen with the masks off, then this person can’t be right for you.

    If we wish to build and not destroy, we will need a fellow engineer as committed as we are to the physics of existence – what behaviors enhance growth and flourishing, and what techniques gut and wither. Narcissists in particular try to entrap through “love bombing” – demonstrating dazzle & commitment far too soon. If it looks like “overkill” it probably is. We don’t want to be “killed” period! A healthy suspicion keeps you questioning – and on the road to reality.

    Online

    I quested
    You bested.
    I texted
    You sexted.
    I posted
    You ghosted
    I roasted

  • The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    Synchronicity = What We Need to Learn: “Synching up”


    How do couples get “in synch”? How much of it is conscious? Synchronicity is more than symbiosis, more than coincidence. Like all true serendipity it contains an element of magic. If the bubbling primordial stew hadn’t brought the right ingredients together at the right time, life as we know I simply couldn’t have begun.


    There’s always a strong element of synchronicity in teamwork, as in all collaborative enterprises. We become sensitive to the rhythms of the other. Feel the rise and fall of the others’ energy and must exactly time our moment to chime in.


    It’s the Trust Game writ large across the heavens; the magic of need producing the miracle of response creates the synchronicity of Life.


    Think about your interpersonal relationships as a series of concentric circles. There are people on the outmost rings whom we recognize but exchange no words with and know nothing about, down to the closest, tightest ring, where we maybe know too much about those people, possibly feel stifled, even a bit unchallenged by their presence in our lives. And our closest relationships may actually merge into our own space, until we can’t tell where we end and the other person begins.

      Remember what it takes to achieve friendship – Are there once-close people whom we have banished to the outer distance? How did that happen? Any people we long to bring closer who seem stubbornly resistant to our charms? Do we notice any pattern in the way we relate to others? A favorite game therapists play is “Find the Father/Mother”. In other words, are we recreating any original family dynamics with other people we may know? (Critic, sugar daddy, permission giver, etc.)

      This game can be extended to “Find the Sibling” as we study ways to become competitive by conspiring against a “common enemy” with fellow workers or even friends. Let’s make the effort to become more conscious, less rigid. We’re going to “work” this circle. It is not going to “work” us!

      Being “in synch” requires understanding where the other person is coming from and feeling confident that they understand where you’re coming from. (And going to.) Do you enjoy learning? You’d better, because we have a lot of it ahead of us. Horribly, some people decide to settle down because THEY’RE TIRED OF LEARNING. They yearn for unchanging, static conditions! Yet your soulmate represents an entirely new world, and between the two of you, you will be creating another one. So there will be lots of learning going on.

      If you are really phobic about “learning” new things, now’s your time to figure out why. It may be that you hate “tests”, (a perfectly acceptable human reaction to stress conditions) but you love gaming. In other words, YOU REALLY LOVE TO LEARN, aren’t afraid of challenges and relish the acquisition of new skills and worldviews, but you had BAD SCHOOLING EXPERIENCES.

      You can see that’s entirely different, but it’s still helpful to know. The more your partnership resembles “school’ (with one of you as teacher/judge) the more unpleasant it’s going to be.

      So prepare to match your quest to the type of exploration you LIKE to do and most importantly, talk about it. Your partner can’t read your mind and people are often shy and can’t find the words to quantify their emotion. But between the two of you will FIGURE IT OUT. “I don’t know what I’m feeling – maybe panic with a dash of dread?” you can help each other to analyze and assess. You’ll be talking not just about your relationship, but every relationship either of you has ever had. “I’m afraid to look back/talk or even think about this,” is an acceptable opening bid. And throughout this process, you’ll get closer.

      Leaving the Coven

      A craven of cronies stood
      Between us & God
      God hated short skirts, God
      Demands clones.

      A damnation of judges
      Stood between us &
      Knowledge; truth exists
      Only in service to others.

      A clowder of cretins
      Stood between us &
      Art: “Don’t be disturbing”
      “Never trust instincts.”

      From the depths of
      This oubliette
      You drank the koolaid
      Guaranteeing your survival

      Cherishing passion
      Rescuing me –
      As I rescued you
      So I could grow up
      And write this poem.

    1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      The Rainbow = “SERENDIPITY”

        Rainbows have vast cultural, religious, and psychological implications. They announce that the storm is past and offer a gateway to somewhere obviously special, right up there in the sky, a glittering gateway offering us every color in the spectrum. “There’s a land that I dream of,” sang Judy Garland yearningly and we sang and yearned right along with her.


        Rainbows have their head in the heavens and their feet lost somewhere on earth; sheltering a “pot of gold” or so they say. But if you soar through their beckoning gates obviously you will have to leave the gold behind. Rainbows are clearly magic, yet everyone, even skeptics, even the unimaginative, can see them. This Rainbow is a gateway to whatever we desire, if we just could figure out what it is. There’s nothing earthly about the transcendence that it promises. We’re even a little afraid of it. We’re not ready for it YET. But we’re so, so glad it’s there. Just like Serendipity itself.


        What role does luck and chance play in our lives? We are all familiar with the phrase, “The harder I work the luckier I get.” But how about chance? Chance seems to determine who will be our mate, for one thing! True, we often strategize about putting ourselves in the “right place at the right time” and we want the same thing for our kids, otherwise there wouldn’t be this deadly serious skirmishing over “the right pre-school.” We are very aware of “unlucky accidents” and try to prevent those as best with can with a seatbelt and a multi-vitamin; even those of us who smoke and gamble know that much.


        But sometimes we don’t value “good luck”, especially if it’s completely unexpected. Do we feel it’s “undeserved?” If we have children who sleep easily or get good grades do we just take that for granted while focusing on “what’s wrong?” How about our own health and good looks – not to mention the love we feel around us — are those things only “treasured” when they’re gone? I think of the woman who said she doesn’t focus on whether a glass is half empty or half full but instead on who’s going to drink it and whether she will get any?

        We need more than beauty, more than strategy, more than alliances. We need Good Luck. Serendipity is Chance. What are the odds you would walk into that grocery store, check a disused social media account, return an item, misdial a call? Our whole lives seem to be comprised of Lucky Accidents and Near Misses.

        Yes, we try to learn from them, but we are spooked as well. It’s enough to make a person superstitious, because, How can you engineer happy fortune? This way: “The harder you work the luckier you get.”

        Be there. In the right place at the right time. When you’re looking for a soulmate it’s like looking for a job – it helps if everybody knows about it. Let’s widen our opportunity to Get Lucky.

        Serendipity

        All art’s
        “Controlled Accident” –
        Maybe Love is also –
        You plus God plus
        Fate:
        Equals serendipity –
        Give up power steering
        Float – Dream – Surrender
        Unto the skid

      1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

        Peace=SERENITY “Everything Will Work Out”


        What does it mean to have confidence in the future? We know the most attractive thing about others is “confidence.” Unfortunately, confidence can be faked, so there are a lot of people who believe that’s all it is: a shiny shop window. But if the goods don’t match the advertising, frustration and anger sets in.

          We’re looking for the long-term – immortality in fact – which can be achieved by two souls in perfect synch. We want to exude not just confidence but serenity. We want to be the person it’s peaceful and re-charging to be around because THAT person is VERY attractive.


          That kind of serenity and confidence comes from communing with the eternal. Yes, you’re going to have to “iron out” your philosophy BEFORE you find your soulmate. Christians satisfy themselves by getting to know God. Buddhists bathe in eternity itself. Karma is the “vibe” you send – if it is a peaceful one, it will come back to you.


          Peace is the absence of strife; a sense of repletion and comfort. It is less active than joy, and people are actually afraid of it, the way they’re afraid of heaven. If everything’s already achieved, then isn’t hope dead? That’s why they stir things up by taking pokes at people. Develop a concept of “peace”. A related concept is “plenty” and another is “enough.”


          When you are not actively looking for attachment, when you are feeling “enough”, people flock to you. It is because of that very sense of being “at peace” with yourself. Others want that sense for themselves, they are intensely attracted to a peaceful aura, which comes across as confidence, even if you haven’t got a single accomplishment to brag about. People like that are a relief…a relaxation…a vacation to be around.

          Can a sense of peace be “faked”? Obviously not. Time – and it doesn’t take much time – will fast reveal the truth. Much less trouble to cultivate ACTUAL peace. How do we do that? Through the calming disciplines of mindfulness, yoga and gratitude cultivation. If we can demonstrate that we are open to joy, people inevitably desire what we have.


          We are creatures of hope. If we sharpen ourselves against others as if they were cuttle bones, isn’t the absence of effort an absence of self-definition? We would just sink back into the undifferentiated mass of persons as into a heavenly cloud, all light, without defining shadow. Stop worrying! This is just “semantics” because Peace makes no sense without love and love is active. Harmony is desirable; disharmony is not. Listening to a cacophony is wearisome after the first few seconds, while harmonics, however subtle and complex, produce feelings of rightness, joy and Peace.


          What if we lose confidence and serenity?
          Doubt is human. Uncertainty is human. We armor ourselves with our belief in the promises of the eternal.

          But isn’t doubt disabling? At what point can we just relax? Most Americans think confidence comes from a track record of rewarded accomplishments. In pursuit of a soulmate, let’s imagine you in conversation with a stranger. As you’re wondering about them and trying to get to know them, you rapidly realize that spouting your resume and listening while they brag is NOT, actually, informative communication. What you really want to do is get a “feel for the other person’s “essence.”


          Are they “itchy? Restless? Or are they yearning for peace? If so, you can work with that! Experiment by “relaxing together.”

          Soulstice

          In this the Purgatory of the year
          the crystal cracks the future clear
          The fire maple stands unleaved
          And stalks the bony breast of earth bereaved;
          The sap within the corpse unseen
          Boils up a ready dynamo of green;
          The fetal fish child stirs and yawns
          An equinoctial birthday dawns.
          This is the zero hour when
          Our future dances with its end
          This winter music, echoless
          Raised up the chalice that is Us
          He gives, we are the offerings
          Unto the center and the focus of all things.

        1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

          The Lovers = ALLIANCES: “Best Friends”


          Becoming a lover forges an alliance for the future. We’re not talking of two raindrops crashing into each other for sex, but a mutual declaration of interest and benefit. Spend today thinking about past alliances; not just love relationships but all alliances dreamed of, suggested, made and broken.


          What hopes, plans and fears did we enter (and exit) with? What mistakes were made? The first thing that jumps out to us is that power differentials create more problems than they solve. An alliance needs to be a two-way street; any hint of “exploitation” turns it into a different kind of relationship entirely.

          Alliances must be freely chosen, with consequences fully appreciated and maturely understood. How often in life is this even possible for us? Sometimes we are limited by the power of our imaginations as well as the resilience of our hearts. Alliances should also be freely exited but how often does THAT happen? How often do our passions (and perceived needs) fall short of our principles and how much shame does this knowledge engender? And then there are issues of temperament: to what extent can introverts/extroverts hope to change their stripes?


          Think about your deepest and most rewarding friendships. You’re looking for a special kind of Best Friend, after all, so it only makes sense that most of the components appearing in your friendships will be found in your soulmate as well. Will you appreciate some of the same things? Speak the same language? Have the same values? Laugh at the same jokes? Share fears and dreams? Expose your worst/best? You still want all that! Because you need an Ally. An ally reliably comes to your defense, as you fearlessly come to theirs.

          An ally is someone you can rely on. It means you must be honest with that person, and we all know how hard that is, especially when you can’t figure out the truth, yourself. You’re feeling your way and you need a sympathetic ear. You know you will have to be their sympathetic ear as well because otherwise what you have isn’t a partnership, it’s an autocracy. Autocrats are lied to and cheated on and they die alone. That’s not what gratifies the soul. You are looking for someone who holds the key to You and by astonishing coincidence, you will hold the key to them, as well.


          The Duel

            Europe without you
            Was a funeral feast.
            I recall the procession of your letters
            Far better than
            The stream of luckless suitors
            Trying to distract me.
            Virgins aren’t distractible.
            Your seductive missives stalked me.
            Your fatal ploy was that nude picture
            Adam lonely in his garden.
            I came right home.
            I well recall the ceremonies
            Of that night!
            Your shyness
            My perfume
            Our ignorance
            Your penis
            Soft as a
            Messenger dove that folds
            To a familiar hand –
            Then wild and hard as
            A riderless horse.
            I did cry out as the candles burned.
            I swear there were some moments when
            We actually saw each other.
            But if this magic sword cuts both ways
            Why was I the only bleeder?
            They peeled me off
            Dropping me down miles
            Of antiseptic hallway –
            A princess in a bucket.
            It could have ended there
            But at your school I haunted you
            A chilly-breasted demon.
            My daytime incarnation seemed mature:
            I fooled you;
            We chatted as you prepared the skin.
            I bit down hard and
            Tasted only
            Suture wire.
            You wrote and broke off
            Our association.
            The years groaned by
            Like convicts chained
            We served our terms with no time off
            For bad behavior.
            Lust had luster,
            Excrement had ecstasy.
            The castaways the whirlwind
            Flung upon the sand
            Were calm, polite –
            We knew our way around.
            That look you gave me!
            Our unborn children shivered
            In their sausage skins
            Suddenly aware
            Their time had come.
            The tale was done
            The frog-mask
            Shivered off
            We saw:
            The you of you
            The me of me –
            Masks
            Unmirrored –
            Scars
            Unscored
            Virgins not but
            Innocence
            Restored.

          1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

            Inspiration=INTUITION “Shock Pool”

              We are trying to choose, that means cultivating discernment. What is “discernment”? It really means just any
              old soulmate won’t do. But how do we cultivate
              the skills of discernment? Well, a major one is intuition. It is intuition that leads to “inspiration” ; that sudden “knowing” – ‘I feel like I’ve known him all my life.
              Science says we subconsciously collect subliminal signals.

              The danger comes from a cultural problem
              that women have been encouraged to bond with men they’re not chemically attracted to but might be seen as a “good fit” for social reasons, and discouraged from developing their sexual intuition. Guess what? You won’t find your soulmate that way!

              Men, however, make too many life decisions based on status or surface impressions – they don’t wait
              around to perceive “the beauty within.” The moral of this conundrum is: Pay attention to your gut, but don’t allow your gut to boss you! Question it. Think about it. Think of the love you have received in your life and where it came from. Sometimes love potential reveals itself slowly.

              The magic of the Garden comes from Inspiration. Inspiration is the breath the Life Force moves through us – we can’t summon it and we can’t control it. When lost, we greatly mourn its absence. But when we feel its power we are elevated above ourselves. We feel we can do anything we choose. Afterwards we wake feverish, as if from a dream. As every artist and designer knows, work is more than Inspiration, but without its occasional visits work is nothing; tasteless, lifeless and void.

              Artists always have a strong sense that inspiration comes from the “outside”, not from anything “within”. It uses the component of our minds and lives and forces us to “reach outwards” into the universe of resources to answer its call. Art without inspiration is just plain hard work. Unfortunately, there will be many times Inspiration sketches out a plan and then moves on. We know the plan is Inspired but now we must implement it! Late nights & elbow grease! Inspiration can be compared to Love. Both unaccountably come and go. Just because one isn’t feeling momentarily loving about a soulmate doesn’t mean that Love has Fled – in fact it usually just means we’re facing an onslaught of effort. Life is an uphill battle – 90% Hard Slog, alas. If we’re Ten Percent Inspired we’re in the high numbers! Love (and inspiration) will return. In the meantime we’ll have to treasure the memory and blueprint a Future Plan. Discuss.

              Shock Pool

              Bored by their game
              From my perch I watched them,
              Dismantling rules, I
              Wrote down their patterns
              In gold-crested diaries. I was
              Weary of history and

              Pole-axed by Europe –
              I was affrighted
              By what mattered frightfully.
              Culture-Mad-Mother
              Forced us to look
              Then forced us to blink;

              Her timing was off.
              Father dreamed oceans –
              Encapsulating daughters
              In unsinkable Fiberglas
              Against the madness of Nature
              Loathing masculine privilege; I

              Disliked you on sight
              Insulted by proctoring
              You must be divested of
              Corduroys, wingtips, tweed
              & leather; we posed under waterfalls
              For Swedish love bibles.

              Clove-scented ecstasies
              Kindled my fevers at
              The moment of quenching them;
              Sweeping West – you pulled the Atlantic –
              Drowning us both in the riptide you created.
              The captain lied when he said

              We’d go home. Lubricated by champagne, you
              Peeled off my shock-pants
              and asked me to marry you.
              Since then illusion scorched into reality
              Providing the universe
              With plenty to write.

            1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

              CONFLICT – “The Storm”- “Triggers & Pushback”


              How good are we at facing bad news? Do we even want to know what it is? It’s impossible to plan for the future if we don’t intelligently strategize the things that COULD go wrong. We must weigh up our assets and debits – some of which are certainly emotional.

              Are we self-sabotagers? Do we quit right before the final push? Do we make alliances with untrustworthy people? Do we make ourselves vulnerable to dangerous people? Are we secretly hoping for “rescue” – that someone all-powerful and all-competent will sweep in and take our “mess” away? Remember back to our inner power principle, the person we want to be. Maybe we get discouraged far too easily by the negative voices in our heads. The path of lifetime self-improvement after all, started with our neither being able to talk or even stand up! Practice, practice, practice: forming “muscle” – even spiritual muscle – takes a lot of time.

              Then we must face up to fearful destruction we had no part in; perhaps caused only by the principles of waste, loss and entropy to which the entire universe is subject. We need a philosophy to carry us through these times that helps us strategize thrifty methods of maximizing and healing what resources we have left. We need to know the difference between “value” and “price”. We need to recognize the outright gifts we have been given – such as the courage and determination that brings us to this place – and give thanks for them.

                Conflict is an inevitability. No heat without friction, no forward movement without energy expenditure, no flight without first shedding our comfort carapace. When we want change, we are inviting conflict.


                The question is how much in control we feel. Triggers “set us off”; i.e. trigger any chain of events we may feel helpless over. But are we? Can the chain be arrested at any point? Let’s bring our mind to focus on the problem. Human history is created by human intelligence; let’s problem-solve. “I will arrest and re-direct this change.”

                Whore De Combat

                My sutures hurt; I’m
                Completely unavailable,
                Unsheathing your ambition you
                Laced up my body like a jerkin
                Cut my breakfast with your corkscrew
                Swiss Army
                Doubled up and put away.

                I’m fasting now
                Bracing for the worst
                I can’t eat anything that won’t
                Look right at me
                And want to know the truth;
                Who’s for real?
                What’s the state of play?

              1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

                REGRET feeds DOUBT

                  As soon as we begin refining our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside.

                  Cloverleaf


                  Some roads lead nowhere;
                  They’re my favorites.
                  I held my breath while
                  You drew my face in
                  Blinding strokes
                  Creamed my mouth with curling lines
                  Destroyed one picture; then another
                  Never let me see. You
                  Left at dawn while I
                  Ran in circles, calling
                  Raging, spending blackened
                  Nights without you,
                  No blue thigh to guard
                  My trusting heart while yours looks out
                  To gauge the coming storm.
                  Trapped in cloverleaves,
                  Sentenced to school by
                  Streams of angry judges –
                  Balked by
                   The enervating past
                  Of unlived lives
                  Every face I paint is yours.
                  Open up the chilly ruffles
                  Of my breasts
                  One more time –
                  To beauty; yours and mine
                  Electrify your
                  Eldritch spine –
                   Your body so much lighter
                  Than the mountain that you loved
                  Better than you loved me –
                   The course you learned
                  Better than you learned me – so
                  Overconfident that
                   you’ll come back
                  I float across the powdered snow
                  In bird-winged silence
                  All-enveloping
                  Unless I’m
                  Lost?

                  Lost and frozen like your heart?

                1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

                  MELT into the space your desire creates: “You Got This”


                  You’ve realize the immensity of your need and the enormity of the challenge. You’ve looked into your capacities and they just don’t seem to match your expectations. Now you’re scared and feeling hopeless. I’m here to remind you to “relax.” Melt into the space your desire has created. Untense those muscles because fear and hysteria, rage and feelings of worthlessness all work against us.

                  Realize somewhere out there your Soulmate is feeling all these things also. This is a process you need to go through, in order to recognize the vastness of the challenge ahead. This is your time in the desert, where you will be tested. This guarantees that when your and your Beloved melt together your success will be all the sweeter. Of necessity to valuing the Other is the realization that, although there may be plenty of fish in the sea, you need a very particular fish.


                  HAUNTED WEDDING
                  The pregnant car disgorges
                  Only us. It’s winter.
                  Drunk as silver fish
                  We beat our gills as light
                  As hummingbirds.
                  In an amethyst ring
                  Of drypoint trees
                  The half-built house
                  Gapes and swells
                  Its timbers stink of sap.
                  Windrill fields occlude
                  Our crossing, so you carry me
                  High above the thorny osiers.
                  We sleep aloft for safety
                  Locked and levitating
                  In this space of air
                  One season only,
                  Unseen by angry outriders;
                  Bloodless in our wedding robes
                  Like the doubled membranes
                  Of the frozen flowers.