Alysse Aallyn

Category: #Gender

  • The Demon Lover – a play for two voices by Alysse Aallyn

    2 – Cadena – Enchainment

      EVAN
      A happy guilty day full of betrayals
      Kept me in an extraordinary state
      Of fascination. I’ve lied to everyone for
      So long, I feel certain that truth
      Is beyond me.

      EVA
      I’d rather see you dead at my feet
      Than dead ON your feet.
      That would be a mercy killing –
      The last unbearable agony –
      Wondering if you existed at all.

      I have small talent for this.
      I have disgraced my idealism,
      Pretending boredom can be fruitful.
      Waiting, waiting for you everywhere. I
      Wake one day to find I’ve lost my looks, my hair,
      fascination, brain – everything.

      EVAN
      You’re only waking up
      In an empty hotel.
      The light is always different
      The morning after.
      This is what middle-aged people do.
      I love the brutality of your world.
      You never fade. You are my word made flesh.

      EVA
      You are my religion.
      Until In fell in love with you I was 25 inside.
      I lived in a world of dreams and theories.
      Your experiences seem realer to me than mine.

      EVAN
      Social instinct is my religion.
      You have the bravery and intelligence
      Men are supposed to have
      But never do.
      To have touched the same places
      Is a bond between us.
      I never think of my deficiencies –
      Or how could I forgive myself?

      EVA
      Middle-aged people go to weddings
      Out of perverse fascination for the bride.
      I was that bride –
      My day was all champagne.
      Anaesthetized
      It doesn’t hurt so much.
      Such a sense of enormity came over me
      I almost fainted. I gave Allen the dirtiest look: “You caused this.”


      Without a wedding dress
      I was a restless, dowdy snob.
      People were falling in love left and right –
      Even in decaying marriages.
      I wanted that –
      He read my subtext.
      And I was caught.

      EVAN
      These dreary parties have a decaying effect.
      My loneliness for you is like a whiplash.
      Your absence is a bitter injury
      But nothing can injure our love –
      We’re too strong for them.
      I’m silenced till I hear from you.


      If I let myself go I would feel desperate.
      I can’t bear you’re going to France without me –
      But –
      isn’t love our country?

      EVA
      I won’t say “I’ll die if you don’t come”
      Because I know you would come if you possibly could.
      What a skeleton in the cupboard a wife is.

      EVAN
      Don’t be jealous of Elayna. You are the only goal
      Toward which my life is tending.
      You are the meaning of my life.
      I could never live for work alone.

      EVA
      You enlarge my soul.
      In your mind is my existence.
      You’re more real to me than me.
      I’m in a peculiar psychic state.
      It’s an atmosphere of illusion.
      I envy Elayna all the time.
      It drips like an irritant over my nerves.

      EVAN
      What of Allen? You
      Have your worse half too.
      I don’t waste my time
      Being jealous of him.

      EVA
      Oh, Allen spends time lost in woods,
      Falling in love with trees. He’s
      No threat to anyone.

      EVAN
      To understand one’s destiny
      One needs a framework for this mass of experience.
      How can I live separated from you?
      If I stopped caring for you
      I couldn’t care for anything.

      I need my wife, her whip-cracking organization.
      I loathe living in the squalor I get to on my own.
      Having breakfast OUT of bed is the last horror.
      Miasmic feelings of impossibility and terror. Help me.

      EVA
      We help each other
      By existing. Except for God I have no help but you.
      Our love is growing more formidable as our unshakeable belief
      Grows stronger. Like grace, it renews itself.
      All yesterday I glowed. My inability to accept your wife
      Is my deformity – help me with it.
      The light of our love is the only light for me.

    1. The Demon Lover – a play for two voices by Alysse Aallyn

      THE DEMON LOVER

      I. ABRAZO – THE EMBRACE

      EVAN

      I like women willful, late
      For appointments,
      fond of showy clothes and society, vague, drifting, dreamy,
      yet of course all of that is tiresome.

      Love mingles with irritation.
      But I don’t like competence, intellectual honesty, intelligent sensuality.
      Women who turn on me saying,
      “You don’t love me.”

      What good is it to have been so happy
      when it ends so painfully?
      I am a “crook”, a “torturer of women”,
      “Murderer.” She makes me feel a monster.

      Below the surface of the will
      I feel deep animal distress, as if I had wives
      Hidden away somewhere; perhaps
      That is why I had to marry
      My present wife.

      EVA
      If you start “trying to be good”
      that will really come between us.
      It’s too unattractive. What are you up to?

      I dream of a small house in Burgundy but
      You must help me pay the rent.
      Having a home is a form of egotism.
      My beautiful one, you could make me so happy.

      Selfishly I want you here
      So I don’t have to hallucinate your nearness.
      What’s that wife of yours –
      What do you call her –
      Elayna –
      Thinking in her frozen chamber?

      I’m feeling sorrow at our growing separation.
      Can’t we pull out of the world’s battle and live in retreat?
      Grant me one last happiness
      Before the sufferings of
      Pain and old age.

      EVAN
      I can’t keep up with life’s ambiguous futility.
      Is happiness just “freedom from pain”?
      Life is unendurable without you.
      People here are flirtatious but not sexy.
      it’s so boring here
      I’m hardening my heart to give up my home.

      EVA
      I find your misery gratifying.
      This power of enjoyment comes from being an artist,
      It is the secret of my strength.
      When I was younger I used to
      Accommodate everyone –
      Now I’m recalcitrant.

      It hurts because the sword runs through both of us.
      You’re never out of my thoughts, but
      Sadness dulls one.
      Honestly, I always risk failing you,
      Failing you in outstandingness.

      You are extraordinary, I am extraordinary,
      we have been extraordinary together.
      Specimens under glass.

      The agonizing force of missing you
      Is sweeping over me.
      We have eternity connecting us,
      Backward & forward but I just
      Can’t get anyone to believe it.

      EVAN
      Would my death simplify things?
      My wife struggles with carrying the conversation
      While I stare glumly at the rain.
      We go to an expensive little restaurant
      And pretend we are on a date to really talk.
      My double life begins the moment
      I say “Are you in love with me”?
      And really mean “Am I in love with you?”

      EVA
      That woman’s killing you.
      Imagine if you were dead and your wife
      Wrote a book explaining you
      To everyone! That’s true suffering –
      Fodder for the mealy-mouthed.

      EVAN
      My wife won’t be writing any books
      About me or about anything. You’re the one
      To write the book. And
      I feel safe in your witch-like hands.

      EVA
      Except I’ve told you over and over
      You’ll outlive me. Because
      You’re a killer.
      Or your wife is.

      You look younger than I’ve ever seen you.
      Have you gone queer? I fear
      I’ll die of my addiction –
      We always do.
      We prefer it.
      Will you write about me?

    2. Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

      The Thistle – Resistance

      If This Archetype Chooses You – Armor up. It’s coming. Are you feeling muzzled? Do you dream of battles? Do you wake up angry? Worried? Afraid? Do you gnash your teeth while you sleep? Do you love proving others wrong? When others speak are you eager to jump in and “set them right”? Is your favorite word, “No?”

      Resistance is Never Futile – We become creatives for a reason. But what kind of creatives are we? After all, we can’t make our contribution unless we know who we are. Strangely, we get a lot of push-back on this seemingly basic investigation. First, there’s enormous cultural pressure against us defining ourselves while international corporate overlords compete, waging schemes to entrap us into fighting for them. It’s enough to gnash anyone’s teeth.

      Creative Challenge – We must be protective of our special gifts. Specify under what circumstances you are relaxed, happy, creative and “In-Flow.” The ‘flow” state is “bliss” – your brain oozes alpha waves as you sink into some interesting exploration, losing any sense of time and feeling at one with the universe. Suddenly, we are experiencing the pleasures of “Eternity” while still very much a part of this sphere. Is “flow” achieved for you through music? Dance? Composition? Reading? Sex? Some lucky people access this state through meditation alone. It is certainly worth a try; meditation is very good for your brain.

      Creative Danger – The danger of Eternal Resistance is that it becomes reflexive. Our Resistance must be chosen, carefully thought out and promoted by History and Fact.

      Creative Opportunity – You are a work of art. Your whole life, your experiences, your very dreams, have brought you to this moment. Your resistance to invasion, to malformation, to co-option, to corruption, has blossomed into an individualized focus that must defeat their blander, blunter, self-serving opposition. You lose nothing – gain everything – by becoming yourself; a unique creative nonpareil who has never existed before and will never exist again. You are the opposite of a faceless soldier, you are rare, sui generis, customized for this moment of space and time but perfected for eternity. What fears are left to surmount? What can you dream?

      Models & Mentors – ‘When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty” – Thomas Jefferson

      “Every moment of resistance to temptation is a victory” – Frederick William Faber

      “To fly we must have resistance” – Maya Lin

      “The history of liberty is a history of resistance”
      – Woodrow Wilson

      “The more important an activity is to your soul’s evolution the more resistance you will feel” – Steven Pressfield

      #Haiku: Counter-Pressure

      First –
      Relax;
      Melt;
      Slide;
      Upend
      Onslaught;
      Be attacker’s
      Banana peel

    3. Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

      The Pond – Judgment

      If This Archetype Chooses You – Decisions are being made. About you. What will they be? What are your fears? Are you dreaming of courts? Prison? Are you haunted by religious fears of hell and condemnation? Are you confused about innocence in general and your virtues in particular? Some people say we can’t break God’s laws, we can only break ourselves against them. That’s certainly true of the laws of Science!

      Who Judges the Creative?
      We know other people are looking. We know we are always being assessed, ranked, possibly dismissed. We defensively assess, dismiss and gossip about each other. All of us wish to be judged by our intent, by the content of our hearts, rather than by results, which owe so much to Fate.

      Creatives Cultivate Discernment – We are familiar with what it feels like to dislike some experience until a friend teaches us “how” to like it. We treasure the interesting adventure of seeing the world through another’s eyes, feeling with their hands, tasting with their tongue and remembering through their memory. An out of body experience for sure, as well as a bonding exercise. Seeing ourselves through another’s eyes can also be very uncomfortable. How about history’s eyes? What will be said about us? How will we be remembered?

      Creative Challenge – Youth produces Bad Experiences and Bad Experiences develop Sophisticated – i.e. “Good” Judgment. Seriously, you need to be able to see some of these Bad Experiences coming because in our competitive capitalistic society these can become “extinction” events. How many decades of your life do you have to devote to unethical corporations, scammy multi-level marketing schemes, bad marriages, unreliable friends and “secret” investments? Our time, youth, energy and assets are limited. Respect your limits.

      Creative Danger – Fear and Regret are potent forces. Sometimes it is possible to be too cautious. But can you just “dip a toe?” The principle of “dollar cost averaging” suggests that you must keep “paying yourself back” for investments that seem to be accumulating big-time, so if they suddenly plunge, you will never have actually lost money. In other words, study your progress as you go. This requires that we not get swept up in the experience with a mind affected by inebriating substances. Ask yourself honestly, is that possible for me?

      Creative Opportunity – Now’s the time for you to develop yourself outside “the group.” How often do you do things because “the group” is doing them? How smart is your group? Who controls it? How close to the cliff ARE you? Think about the nature of leadership. Of models. Once you start evincing discernment you will be challenged but respected. Sometimes you lose your taste for the group, or you find a new group that suits you better. Creatives evolve.
      Fearlessly.

      Models & Mentors – “Good judgment comes from bad experience” – Will Rogers

      “At the end of the day, you need someone who listens to you without judgment” – Payal Rohatgi

      “A rush to judgment makes a fair trial hard to get”
      – John Grisham

      “When you judge another you define yourself” – Wayne Dyer

      ‘It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but hard to dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities” – Josiah Stamp

      #Haiku: Dear Jane Austen

      Formalized play
      Mines nature’s
      Riot;
      Edit
      Emote:
      Judge
      Love-
      Rewrite

    4. Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

      Sex – Soulmates

      If This Archetype Chooses You – You are searching for your “other”. Do you look in the mirror and see another face? Do you dream of a lost twin? Do you imagine “the other” across a crowded room, and think when you touch their hand, you will feel a strange galvanic charge? Do you think soulmates are even possible? Is there only one or are many soulmates potentially developed over a lifetime? Are you disenchanted with sex? Does it seem like more trouble than it is worth? Do you have sex dreams that feel more like night terrors? Does sex make you feel increasingly worthless and untouchable?

      Soulmates Are Real and You Have One – It’s never too late. You are never so “lost” you can’t find your soulmate. The problem is, your soulmate feels just the way you do and both of you are frightened of those feelings, isolating you further in an invisible, impenetrable membrane. You want your soulmate to rescue you, but creatives rescue each other. This takes a lot of bravery, a lot of humility, much insight and a little magic.

      Desire Can Be Slaked – Temporarily. Creative must stay alert. We don’t pursue numbness – or even satiety. It’s good to get acquainted with hunger. Pro tip – hunger keeps you young. Hunger is a condition of youth.

      When Creatives Bond There is No Going Back. – The potential magic of sexual connection ignites the search for a SoulMate. Creatives believe that once found, a Soul Pair becomes capable of Time Travel, TransSubstantiation, and Immortality. Genders merge; either one can be feminine, masculine or androgyne at will. One wing searches for another to form a bird and fly. The question we must ask ourselves is: are we willing to undergo the pain of having the boundaries of our borders breached to fully merge with another?

      Creatives Lift Each Other’s Souls – The power of a doubled pair is raised to the nth power by their knowledge, commitment and shared purpose.

      Creatives Release Each Other – There are so many permissions, forgivenesses, and skills we cannot give ourselves. Love literally gives you eyes in the back of your head. There is no hiding from your soulmate.

      Doubled Creatives Power the Universe – The constant clash of mating, sharing, satisfying and negotiating is the music of the spheres. It keeps us all spinning in an ecstasy of selfless selfhood.

      Creative Challenge – There are plenty of frogs out there and some vipers, and you will kiss each. Possibly more than once. It’s also possible that we have “rewired” our system – through porn, games, and casual sex – so that it actually prevents us from recognizing a soulmate and forging a life bond. This is why starting as friends is so critical. It gets your defenses down to the point where you can talk about fears, desires and problematic reactions. Go slowly, welcome mistakes and be prepared to learn.

      Creative Danger – Sometimes – let’s face it – most times, you and your soulmate are “sick.” You have “caught” infection from a society that says “fuck you” to eternal, mystical, mutual sexual union. That makes things hard. You don’t recover overnight. You must commit to good mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual hygiene and you will both have to figure out what it is. You need to make a plan – yes, a map – out of each other’s minds and bodies. If the other person refuses to accept health you will have to detach for your own sanity and safety. Vampires make other vampires, and bliss will elude them. The most important part of soulmating is the mutual pledge for health and growth – for both of you.

      Creative Opportunity – My book, I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead – is about the supernatural powers of soulmates. It’s about what to do when you dislike and distrust your soulmate at first. It’s about what to do when you and your soulmate both have horrific pasts and are pursued by actual demons. I can’t say it clearer than that. Don’t be frightened. Your bond is eternal, across time, geography and multiverses. Take it slow. You have all the time in the multiverse.

      Bereavement Is Never the End – As life itself is not the end, bereavement cannot be. The glory of bliss still awaits, and detached Soulmates have been known to find each other and form new spiritual and physical connections.

      Models & Mentors – “A soulmate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life and then introduce you to your spiritual master” – Elizabeth Gilbert

      “A soulmate is the one person whose love is powerful enough to motivate you to meet your soul to do the emotional work of self-discovery and awakening”
      – Kenny Loggins

      “They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. They were crazy about each other” – Nicholas Sparks

      “I know what love is, because of you.” – Herman Hesse

      #Haiku: I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead

      Only soulmates can
      Slay each other’s dragons
      Says Tibetan Master

    5. Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

      Marriage – Partnership

      Time to consider your ideal partnership contract. What would it be like? Have you been dreaming lately about weddings? Love, proposals, marriage? About The One that got Away? About partnership enterprises in general – video gaming, tennis – where an Ideal Partner/Helper’s got your back?

      Creatives can’t make it through life without a partner. We’ve got friends who come and go, sometimes special ones, but they’ve got obligations of their own. What if we had a Perfect Friend who made our Best Life their priority? What if we were not only willing to do the same for them but to promise this in public?

      Everybody Deserves Somebody – We come into adulthood with strong memories of familial dependence. We are all attracted to caretaking behaviors and easily seduced by promises to read our minds and give us what we really want, even if we haven’t figured that out for ourselves. Then hormones click in and we discover Desire. Not only for bodies, but for Persons, Lives, Individualities. Other people are a spice, other people are a medicine, other people are a distraction – everything our lives appear to be lacking. What if we could combine all these needs together in one appetizing human package?

      Creative Challenge – We rarely ask our friends to change their lives for us. They are VERY rarely willing to do so. But a partner is someone to actively plan a life with. You get to talk through all the Wants, the Possibilities, the Fears. Heady stuff! The challenge is to know Yourself well enough to make any sort of honest statements about who you are, who you CAN be and who you want to be.

      Sometimes Allies Need a Long-Term Contract – Lives are uprooted. Possessions are shared. Long term strategy results in map-merging to create a new – but more exciting – map. If you’re a giver, learn your limits. Because takers don’t have any.

      Someone Needs to Take Your Back – As the great mystic Emmanuel Swedenborg pointed out, each one of us is only half an angel. You need someone to cover the things you can’t cover. And if you were planning to start a creative family, you need more than a partner, you need a spouse.

      Spouses Teach Honesty – The person who knows you best doesn’t put up with a false front. You literally force each other to get to the root of emotions and behaviors that will open up your psyches not just to each other, but to the world and to yourselves. The spouse who falls in love with you and forgives you finally allows you to fall in love with and forgive yourself.

      Staging, Experimental Life Lab and Boot Camp – we get to try out our ideas on each other. The Beloved Other is a Mirror and a Coach. The purpose of existence, the purpose of YOUR existence – suddenly becomes clear.

      Creative Danger – A substantial number of partnership contracts fail. We all know this but we keep trying. Then there are the partnerships that evolve into Something Else, a Financial, Real Estate or Caregiving unit that is very necessary but also pretty far from what we had in mind originally. Our challenge remains the same. Is it possible to both know and be known? Can we find our Soulmate? Does such a creature exist? Is it possible to evolve with another soul to a higher plane of SuperSoul? Disappointment and betrayal are all too often the apparent outcomes.

      Creative Opportunity – Soulmates DO exist! They DO evolve. We WILL change our life for another and they will change, blend, merge with us. Any interaction with another requires communication, boundaries, honesty, planning and “rules”. I put rules in quotes because a good partner keeps “transforming” the game and we keep transforming ourselves to meet it. The best way ever to honestly know yourself is to keep conscious, subconscious and unconscious in alignment. Purposeful dreaming, journaling and planning is the best way to achieve that goal! Get out your Training Journal and start with absolute honesty, realizing that tomorrow you may see things differently. Accept it!

      Models & Mentors – “It’s not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes for unhappy marriages” – Friedrich Nietzsche

      “What counts in making a happy marriage is not compatibility but how you deal with incompatibility” – Leo Tolstoy

      “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short”
      – Andre Maurois

      “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re the right person if you want to be with them all the time” – Julia Child

      #Haiku: Marriage: Partnership

      Merged.
      Eyes when
      I can’t see –
      Two extra hands;
      Relay race –
      Inspiration.

    6. Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

      Fish – Ambisextrous

      If This Archetype Chooses You – His or Hers? Creatives Express All Genders. Are you an empath? Do you identify easily with multiple avatars? Are you happiest with fluid roles in a relationship? Do you dream of the fetish trophies of gender; makeup, wigs, shoes, sports equipment? Do you have frequent “freedom” dreams: flying, swimming? Waking up damp, pulses pounding?

      Love Opens Creatives – Empathy Ennobles Creatives – IS there an “opposite” sex? Deep empathy makes us worthy to be our own romantic partners, the subject of our lifelong pursuit. This is nothing but the honorable, deepest desire to truly know oneself AND others; to master selfhood and compassion before leaving the planet. C.S. Lewis says we are not a Body with a Soul, we are Souls with a Body.

      Creative Strategy Requires “Becoming” the Other – Strengthening our imagination, we see through the barriers raised by the fearful and the pugnacious. What is “winning”? Empaths double – triple – multiply our vision, our power, and therefore our souls.

      Don’t Fear Gender – Creatives who perform “gender specifics” are limiting themselves. Creatives who look for opportunities to expand their reach encompass the powers, the delights, the ecstasies of all humans. What we absorb, we reflect.

      Creatives Don’t Fear Physicality – We express ourselves with this gloriously gifted, given body, coming through this gloriously gifted, given world. We expect, even worship, Transformation. Woody Allen says bisexuality doubles your chances to get a date on Saturday night. Anything wrong with that? Creatives never “force” themselves to perform sexually; that is subjugation.

      Creatives Move Slowly to Absorb, Interpret, Comprehend – We desire to see, to know, to experience everything. Always move as slowly as you feel comfortable with, keeping all options and emotions alive. The “sexual revolution” was a lot of fun, but it was spoiled for many by a witless prejudice against “reserve.” Revulsion, instinctive distaste and doubt tell us plenty. We are on this earth to hone our “gut” instinct as well as our sensitivities. Gavin de Becker, danger specialist, reminds us that fear is an insight, an intuition, a God-given “gift.” Honor it.

      Creatives Educate Themselves on Risk – Dangerous “bad sex” stories start with substance abuse, usually undertaken with a nervous desire to get into a more relaxed or even transcendental state; but all it actually does is skip over the “informed consent” that is such an important feature of identity and will. Predators with a need for speed drug their prey! Afterwards the complex feelings of violation and shame can take a lifetime to deal with. These facts mean we must study “trust” BEFORE we study sex. What is trust? Safety? Honor? Let’s work on those issues while we develop a free space to evolve, experiment and grow.

      Creatives Seize Opportunity – Fresh interpretations of “gender“ make this a glorious time to be alive. I can recall when gender was a prison sentence of compulsion and rigidity! Now it is an invitation to live more fully, to experience oneself and others more richly, to participate in that fruitful, heavenly life for which we all yearn.

      Models & Mentors – “The great gift of human beings is we all have empathy. We can sense a mysterious connection to each other” – Meryl Streep

      “Leadership is about empathy. It is about relating to people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives” – Oprah Winfrey

      “The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter I which heart speaks to heart” – Pope Francis

      “I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization” – Roger Ebert

      “Empathy has no script…there is no right way or wrong way…there is only listening, emotionally connecting, communicating the incredibly healing message ‘You’re not alone” – Brene Brown

      #Haiku: Ambisextrous

      Fresh birthed –
      Splash
      Into you
      Drenched,
      Once
      Halved, now
      Wholed –
      Doubling multiplies
      Us