Alysse Aallyn

Category: #Healing

  • The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    Peace=SERENITY “Everything Will Work Out”


    What does it mean to have confidence in the future? We know the most attractive thing about others is “confidence.” Unfortunately, confidence can be faked, so there are a lot of people who believe that’s all it is: a shiny shop window. But if the goods don’t match the advertising, frustration and anger sets in.

      We’re looking for the long-term – immortality in fact – which can be achieved by two souls in perfect synch. We want to exude not just confidence but serenity. We want to be the person it’s peaceful and re-charging to be around because THAT person is VERY attractive.


      That kind of serenity and confidence comes from communing with the eternal. Yes, you’re going to have to “iron out” your philosophy BEFORE you find your soulmate. Christians satisfy themselves by getting to know God. Buddhists bathe in eternity itself. Karma is the “vibe” you send – if it is a peaceful one, it will come back to you.


      Peace is the absence of strife; a sense of repletion and comfort. It is less active than joy, and people are actually afraid of it, the way they’re afraid of heaven. If everything’s already achieved, then isn’t hope dead? That’s why they stir things up by taking pokes at people. Develop a concept of “peace”. A related concept is “plenty” and another is “enough.”


      When you are not actively looking for attachment, when you are feeling “enough”, people flock to you. It is because of that very sense of being “at peace” with yourself. Others want that sense for themselves, they are intensely attracted to a peaceful aura, which comes across as confidence, even if you haven’t got a single accomplishment to brag about. People like that are a relief…a relaxation…a vacation to be around.

      Can a sense of peace be “faked”? Obviously not. Time – and it doesn’t take much time – will fast reveal the truth. Much less trouble to cultivate ACTUAL peace. How do we do that? Through the calming disciplines of mindfulness, yoga and gratitude cultivation. If we can demonstrate that we are open to joy, people inevitably desire what we have.


      We are creatures of hope. If we sharpen ourselves against others as if they were cuttle bones, isn’t the absence of effort an absence of self-definition? We would just sink back into the undifferentiated mass of persons as into a heavenly cloud, all light, without defining shadow. Stop worrying! This is just “semantics” because Peace makes no sense without love and love is active. Harmony is desirable; disharmony is not. Listening to a cacophony is wearisome after the first few seconds, while harmonics, however subtle and complex, produce feelings of rightness, joy and Peace.


      What if we lose confidence and serenity?
      Doubt is human. Uncertainty is human. We armor ourselves with our belief in the promises of the eternal.

      But isn’t doubt disabling? At what point can we just relax? Most Americans think confidence comes from a track record of rewarded accomplishments. In pursuit of a soulmate, let’s imagine you in conversation with a stranger. As you’re wondering about them and trying to get to know them, you rapidly realize that spouting your resume and listening while they brag is NOT, actually, informative communication. What you really want to do is get a “feel for the other person’s “essence.”


      Are they “itchy? Restless? Or are they yearning for peace? If so, you can work with that! Experiment by “relaxing together.”

      Soulstice

      In this the Purgatory of the year
      the crystal cracks the future clear
      The fire maple stands unleaved
      And stalks the bony breast of earth bereaved;
      The sap within the corpse unseen
      Boils up a ready dynamo of green;
      The fetal fish child stirs and yawns
      An equinoctial birthday dawns.
      This is the zero hour when
      Our future dances with its end
      This winter music, echoless
      Raised up the chalice that is Us
      He gives, we are the offerings
      Unto the center and the focus of all things.

    1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      The Lovers = ALLIANCES: “Best Friends”


      Becoming a lover forges an alliance for the future. We’re not talking of two raindrops crashing into each other for sex, but a mutual declaration of interest and benefit. Spend today thinking about past alliances; not just love relationships but all alliances dreamed of, suggested, made and broken.


      What hopes, plans and fears did we enter (and exit) with? What mistakes were made? The first thing that jumps out to us is that power differentials create more problems than they solve. An alliance needs to be a two-way street; any hint of “exploitation” turns it into a different kind of relationship entirely.

      Alliances must be freely chosen, with consequences fully appreciated and maturely understood. How often in life is this even possible for us? Sometimes we are limited by the power of our imaginations as well as the resilience of our hearts. Alliances should also be freely exited but how often does THAT happen? How often do our passions (and perceived needs) fall short of our principles and how much shame does this knowledge engender? And then there are issues of temperament: to what extent can introverts/extroverts hope to change their stripes?


      Think about your deepest and most rewarding friendships. You’re looking for a special kind of Best Friend, after all, so it only makes sense that most of the components appearing in your friendships will be found in your soulmate as well. Will you appreciate some of the same things? Speak the same language? Have the same values? Laugh at the same jokes? Share fears and dreams? Expose your worst/best? You still want all that! Because you need an Ally. An ally reliably comes to your defense, as you fearlessly come to theirs.

      An ally is someone you can rely on. It means you must be honest with that person, and we all know how hard that is, especially when you can’t figure out the truth, yourself. You’re feeling your way and you need a sympathetic ear. You know you will have to be their sympathetic ear as well because otherwise what you have isn’t a partnership, it’s an autocracy. Autocrats are lied to and cheated on and they die alone. That’s not what gratifies the soul. You are looking for someone who holds the key to You and by astonishing coincidence, you will hold the key to them, as well.


      The Duel

        Europe without you
        Was a funeral feast.
        I recall the procession of your letters
        Far better than
        The stream of luckless suitors
        Trying to distract me.
        Virgins aren’t distractible.
        Your seductive missives stalked me.
        Your fatal ploy was that nude picture
        Adam lonely in his garden.
        I came right home.
        I well recall the ceremonies
        Of that night!
        Your shyness
        My perfume
        Our ignorance
        Your penis
        Soft as a
        Messenger dove that folds
        To a familiar hand –
        Then wild and hard as
        A riderless horse.
        I did cry out as the candles burned.
        I swear there were some moments when
        We actually saw each other.
        But if this magic sword cuts both ways
        Why was I the only bleeder?
        They peeled me off
        Dropping me down miles
        Of antiseptic hallway –
        A princess in a bucket.
        It could have ended there
        But at your school I haunted you
        A chilly-breasted demon.
        My daytime incarnation seemed mature:
        I fooled you;
        We chatted as you prepared the skin.
        I bit down hard and
        Tasted only
        Suture wire.
        You wrote and broke off
        Our association.
        The years groaned by
        Like convicts chained
        We served our terms with no time off
        For bad behavior.
        Lust had luster,
        Excrement had ecstasy.
        The castaways the whirlwind
        Flung upon the sand
        Were calm, polite –
        We knew our way around.
        That look you gave me!
        Our unborn children shivered
        In their sausage skins
        Suddenly aware
        Their time had come.
        The tale was done
        The frog-mask
        Shivered off
        We saw:
        The you of you
        The me of me –
        Masks
        Unmirrored –
        Scars
        Unscored
        Virgins not but
        Innocence
        Restored.

      1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

        Inspiration=INTUITION “Shock Pool”

          We are trying to choose, that means cultivating discernment. What is “discernment”? It really means just any
          old soulmate won’t do. But how do we cultivate
          the skills of discernment? Well, a major one is intuition. It is intuition that leads to “inspiration” ; that sudden “knowing” – ‘I feel like I’ve known him all my life.
          Science says we subconsciously collect subliminal signals.

          The danger comes from a cultural problem
          that women have been encouraged to bond with men they’re not chemically attracted to but might be seen as a “good fit” for social reasons, and discouraged from developing their sexual intuition. Guess what? You won’t find your soulmate that way!

          Men, however, make too many life decisions based on status or surface impressions – they don’t wait
          around to perceive “the beauty within.” The moral of this conundrum is: Pay attention to your gut, but don’t allow your gut to boss you! Question it. Think about it. Think of the love you have received in your life and where it came from. Sometimes love potential reveals itself slowly.

          The magic of the Garden comes from Inspiration. Inspiration is the breath the Life Force moves through us – we can’t summon it and we can’t control it. When lost, we greatly mourn its absence. But when we feel its power we are elevated above ourselves. We feel we can do anything we choose. Afterwards we wake feverish, as if from a dream. As every artist and designer knows, work is more than Inspiration, but without its occasional visits work is nothing; tasteless, lifeless and void.

          Artists always have a strong sense that inspiration comes from the “outside”, not from anything “within”. It uses the component of our minds and lives and forces us to “reach outwards” into the universe of resources to answer its call. Art without inspiration is just plain hard work. Unfortunately, there will be many times Inspiration sketches out a plan and then moves on. We know the plan is Inspired but now we must implement it! Late nights & elbow grease! Inspiration can be compared to Love. Both unaccountably come and go. Just because one isn’t feeling momentarily loving about a soulmate doesn’t mean that Love has Fled – in fact it usually just means we’re facing an onslaught of effort. Life is an uphill battle – 90% Hard Slog, alas. If we’re Ten Percent Inspired we’re in the high numbers! Love (and inspiration) will return. In the meantime we’ll have to treasure the memory and blueprint a Future Plan. Discuss.

          Shock Pool

          Bored by their game
          From my perch I watched them,
          Dismantling rules, I
          Wrote down their patterns
          In gold-crested diaries. I was
          Weary of history and

          Pole-axed by Europe –
          I was affrighted
          By what mattered frightfully.
          Culture-Mad-Mother
          Forced us to look
          Then forced us to blink;

          Her timing was off.
          Father dreamed oceans –
          Encapsulating daughters
          In unsinkable Fiberglas
          Against the madness of Nature
          Loathing masculine privilege; I

          Disliked you on sight
          Insulted by proctoring
          You must be divested of
          Corduroys, wingtips, tweed
          & leather; we posed under waterfalls
          For Swedish love bibles.

          Clove-scented ecstasies
          Kindled my fevers at
          The moment of quenching them;
          Sweeping West – you pulled the Atlantic –
          Drowning us both in the riptide you created.
          The captain lied when he said

          We’d go home. Lubricated by champagne, you
          Peeled off my shock-pants
          and asked me to marry you.
          Since then illusion scorched into reality
          Providing the universe
          With plenty to write.

        1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

          CONFLICT – “The Storm”- “Triggers & Pushback”


          How good are we at facing bad news? Do we even want to know what it is? It’s impossible to plan for the future if we don’t intelligently strategize the things that COULD go wrong. We must weigh up our assets and debits – some of which are certainly emotional.

          Are we self-sabotagers? Do we quit right before the final push? Do we make alliances with untrustworthy people? Do we make ourselves vulnerable to dangerous people? Are we secretly hoping for “rescue” – that someone all-powerful and all-competent will sweep in and take our “mess” away? Remember back to our inner power principle, the person we want to be. Maybe we get discouraged far too easily by the negative voices in our heads. The path of lifetime self-improvement after all, started with our neither being able to talk or even stand up! Practice, practice, practice: forming “muscle” – even spiritual muscle – takes a lot of time.

          Then we must face up to fearful destruction we had no part in; perhaps caused only by the principles of waste, loss and entropy to which the entire universe is subject. We need a philosophy to carry us through these times that helps us strategize thrifty methods of maximizing and healing what resources we have left. We need to know the difference between “value” and “price”. We need to recognize the outright gifts we have been given – such as the courage and determination that brings us to this place – and give thanks for them.

            Conflict is an inevitability. No heat without friction, no forward movement without energy expenditure, no flight without first shedding our comfort carapace. When we want change, we are inviting conflict.


            The question is how much in control we feel. Triggers “set us off”; i.e. trigger any chain of events we may feel helpless over. But are we? Can the chain be arrested at any point? Let’s bring our mind to focus on the problem. Human history is created by human intelligence; let’s problem-solve. “I will arrest and re-direct this change.”

            Whore De Combat

            My sutures hurt; I’m
            Completely unavailable,
            Unsheathing your ambition you
            Laced up my body like a jerkin
            Cut my breakfast with your corkscrew
            Swiss Army
            Doubled up and put away.

            I’m fasting now
            Bracing for the worst
            I can’t eat anything that won’t
            Look right at me
            And want to know the truth;
            Who’s for real?
            What’s the state of play?

          1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

            Creativity : “Harness your Uniqueness”

              When searching for your soulmate this is no time to “blend with the crowd.” You need to discover exactly who you are so you can seek your complementary and missing elements. If you are uncertain or mistaken about your essential self, you won’t even recognize The One. You will be guaranteed to choose a partner based on false considerations of status or appearance. This requires you stop hiding your true self and allow it to emerge. Easier said than done! Turns out we all have been babying the shyly unique aspects of ourselves that don’t win instant recognition from the crowd. Well, we are going to have to experiment with taking Baby out for daily strolls and develop a bit of muscle. Don’t worry if the “likes” fall away – you are not trying to appeal to everyone. The creativity card means you will need to become imaginative in how you present yourself. You want someone accepting? Be accepting. You want someone brave? Be brave. You want someone who looks deeper? Look deeper.

              Fire In the Dust

              In photographs
              The ladies scream or laugh
              It’s hard to tell
              Heads back they bare their
              Grief or joy or
              Agonized relief
              It’s hard to tell.
              All that remains of them
              Tattered icons growing ever dim.

              The fountains of our fear
              Leap high at first, like dancers
              Frozen at first burst
              Of freedom
              Paralyzed abreast
              The arc
              We cannot see
              What tortuous sign these fossils
              Meant to be.

              In that first winter
              We thought the earth was dead
              Statues mated
              Trees erupted dragonflies
              The angry lonely
              Sang and cried.
              Somewhere some fetus twists and jerks
              Convergence of dynastic quirks

              So drop the toxic cloak of bitter spite that
              Melts the flesh and terrorizes night –
              Waiting out a cycle’s sum
              Spinning down to kingdom come.
              For nothing vain, came nothing plain
              This world was born
              To live again.

            1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

              REGRET feeds DOUBT

                As soon as we begin refining our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside.

                Cloverleaf


                Some roads lead nowhere;
                They’re my favorites.
                I held my breath while
                You drew my face in
                Blinding strokes
                Creamed my mouth with curling lines
                Destroyed one picture; then another
                Never let me see. You
                Left at dawn while I
                Ran in circles, calling
                Raging, spending blackened
                Nights without you,
                No blue thigh to guard
                My trusting heart while yours looks out
                To gauge the coming storm.
                Trapped in cloverleaves,
                Sentenced to school by
                Streams of angry judges –
                Balked by
                 The enervating past
                Of unlived lives
                Every face I paint is yours.
                Open up the chilly ruffles
                Of my breasts
                One more time –
                To beauty; yours and mine
                Electrify your
                Eldritch spine –
                 Your body so much lighter
                Than the mountain that you loved
                Better than you loved me –
                 The course you learned
                Better than you learned me – so
                Overconfident that
                 you’ll come back
                I float across the powdered snow
                In bird-winged silence
                All-enveloping
                Unless I’m
                Lost?

                Lost and frozen like your heart?

              1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

                MELT into the space your desire creates: “You Got This”


                You’ve realize the immensity of your need and the enormity of the challenge. You’ve looked into your capacities and they just don’t seem to match your expectations. Now you’re scared and feeling hopeless. I’m here to remind you to “relax.” Melt into the space your desire has created. Untense those muscles because fear and hysteria, rage and feelings of worthlessness all work against us.

                Realize somewhere out there your Soulmate is feeling all these things also. This is a process you need to go through, in order to recognize the vastness of the challenge ahead. This is your time in the desert, where you will be tested. This guarantees that when your and your Beloved melt together your success will be all the sweeter. Of necessity to valuing the Other is the realization that, although there may be plenty of fish in the sea, you need a very particular fish.


                HAUNTED WEDDING
                The pregnant car disgorges
                Only us. It’s winter.
                Drunk as silver fish
                We beat our gills as light
                As hummingbirds.
                In an amethyst ring
                Of drypoint trees
                The half-built house
                Gapes and swells
                Its timbers stink of sap.
                Windrill fields occlude
                Our crossing, so you carry me
                High above the thorny osiers.
                We sleep aloft for safety
                Locked and levitating
                In this space of air
                One season only,
                Unseen by angry outriders;
                Bloodless in our wedding robes
                Like the doubled membranes
                Of the frozen flowers.

                1. The Language of Butterflies – the Path of Attachment by Alysse Aallyn

                  The Life Force – “Why do we need each other?”


                  Parents can watch this need for The Reciprocal Other awaken. At about the age of two the infant, who has belonged to the parents and who has felt like part of them, begins to show a lot of interest in the outside world. But when she sees a pint-sized someone exactly like herself, a certain sparkle comes into her eyes. She wants to clutch, bond with, play with that person. Hang on, because now the thrill-ride is beginning, the search Plato described as our search for our Missing Half. Mating behavior is an even more powerful driver in biology than feeding needs. Mating drives species to extravagant displays of seemingly dangerous behaviors, obsessive building, fighting and positioning. Species who mate for life put themselves through complex effort to secure The One. So this is biology, folks. You are in the grips of an instinctual drive it is pointless to resist. Hang on, and let’s make sure your brain becomes engaged.

                    Sex cadets

                    I shall orchestrate your life I say
                    Make your blood sing woodwind
                    Stretch my nerve harp-tight
                    Across your exo-shell
                    While you, heart racer
                    Put me through my paces
                    Pushing your muscle through
                    The gates of my life
                    Pushing past theories
                    of the pluperfect poetical
                    pushing like
                     a downhill artist
                    the speed racer you claim to be
                    Speed  devil
                    Speed demon
                    Speed dreamer.

                  1. The Language of Butterflies: the Path of Attachment by Alysse Aallyn

                    The Language of Butterflies: the Path of Attachment by Alysse Aallyn

                    Assess your potential to connect. We wake alone, but we are on the path of Attachment. Ask yourself; do you seek balanced, indestructible attachment, synchronous, not disharmonic relationship; a connection that is symbiotic, not exploitative. If the answer is Yes, you are on the path of Paradise.

                    How can we achieve these goals? First, we must understand and accept our Self, our Ego, with all its quirks and flaws, needs and yearnings, limits and possibilities. Then we must understand the Other; the Lover. We must attune ourselves to the structure of their yearning to begin to construct our duet, our dance. After that we must negotiate the rapids of relationship with each other and with the outside world. Danger! Excitement! Ecstasy! Despair…Compassion.
                    Union.

                    We are caterpillars, you and I, attempting to learn the language of butterflies. We are unprepossessing creatures, daily absorbed in infantile needs of eating and excreting, but we have a firm promise of a future in which we stretch our gorgeous wings.

                    Paradise

                    Without eyes

                    Ambitious goldfish float

                    Dream of skies

                    Where fins are wings

                    Lily pads are clouds

                    Swollen tight

                    as seed pearls; gullets

                    Safe forever from

                    vengeful squid or

                    Killer waves.

                    Who can say if in their time of death

                    Those dreams don’t live

                    Bursting skin;
                    Trailing comets,

                    Scattering scales like stars

                    Spilling the pond and soaring limitless

                    To be whales

                    To be gods

                    To be free?

                  2. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

                    Homing – Forgiveness –
                    Do you dream of home? What’s “home” to you? Sometimes we dream of a home that no longer exists, or never existed. DreamTherapy posits that “home” represents the state of psychic absolution where all mistakes are forgiven and fall away from us. We are cleansed. We dream of ultimate understanding where our sins are not too terrible to be entirely forgotten. Jesus suggests to us that state will never arrive until we learn to be the “forgivers”. Obviously, this means we must learn – somehow – to forgive ourselves.

                    What Does It Mean to “Re-set”? – We don’t wish to be free of “consequences”. We want to learn and grow from our mistakes but not be humiliated and punished for them. Pretending they didn’t happen doesn’t free us. Seeing our mistakes as moves in a dance we all contribute to frees us from painful rumination and helps explain how the search for blame becomes a prison. “I did this because you –“… Human interactions are a tar-pit in which we trap and tar ourselves. We realize we need to forgive every chain in the event pattern if we are ever to have any peace.

                    Challenge – Robert Frost defines “home” as a place where, when you show up, they have to take you in. Defining “they” defines your group, your tribe, your original home. Philosophy may provide an answer. Buddhists see history as a circle, Christians as a spiral. Ask these questions of your Dream Journal: which direction is the spiral headed and do we have time to learn what we need to know before there’s a cataclysm? Can you define the mess we’re all in and intuit your behavioral contribution? Is it possible to detach from the mess? Can you find a group – or even a moment (say, in yoga class) where you detach from the mess?

                    Danger – Mixed up about “ultimate” right and wrong? Lots of atheists feel ”condemned” anyway. Think it through. One avenue leads to health, dignity and growth; the other leads in the opposite direction. Don’t make the mistake of “fundamental attribution error” either. Martin Luther King Jr. made a wise comment that the type of government capitalism desires is “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the rest of us.” It certainly suits corporations to lecture their employees on building a better world without incorporating any of those ideas into the bigger picture, where we have no control and they have absolute freedom. It is important that our resistance not embitter us.

                    Opportunity – Forgiveness doesn’t require ignoring the past or accepting bad behavior. It’s part of an interaction where forgiveness is requested. Usually there is a recognition of fault or an expression of remorse: “I’ll never do that again!” When the requesting party seeks permission for the suffering to continue, “I can’t change” — that’ a different request. “Home” is not created that way. Hell is. Your opportunity is to point this out – if necessary, to yourself. “But if I’m not willing to try giving up my behavior because I think I’m not able to, this pattern will continually get worse.” And make an intelligent choice. “If it gets really bad I can always commit violence” is not an intelligent choice, “I need help” is.

                    Models & Mentors – “It’s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it’s a powerful place, because it frees you” – Tyler Perry

                    “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world”
                    – Marianne Williamson

                    “The weak can’t forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

                    – Mahatma Gandhi

                    “To forgive one another, we must understand one another” – Emma Goldman

                    “Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. It liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself” – T.D. Jakes

                    Mantra – “I forgive”

                    Meditation –

                    #Haiku: Forgiveness

                    Returning home with
                    New eyes
                    Strong hands
                    Fresh translations of
                    Future past