MELT into the space your desire creates: “You Got This”
You’ve realize the immensity of your need and the enormity of the challenge. You’ve looked into your capacities and they just don’t seem to match your expectations. Now you’re scared and feeling hopeless. I’m here to remind you to “relax.” Melt into the space your desire has created. Untense those muscles because fear and hysteria, rage and feelings of worthlessness all work against us.
Realize somewhere out there your Soulmate is feeling all these things also. This is a process you need to go through, in order to recognize the vastness of the challenge ahead. This is your time in the desert, where you will be tested. This guarantees that when your and your Beloved melt together your success will be all the sweeter. Of necessity to valuing the Other is the realization that, although there may be plenty of fish in the sea, you need a very particular fish.
HAUNTED WEDDING The pregnant car disgorges Only us. It’s winter. Drunk as silver fish We beat our gills as light As hummingbirds. In an amethyst ring Of drypoint trees The half-built house Gapes and swells Its timbers stink of sap. Windrill fields occlude Our crossing, so you carry me High above the thorny osiers. We sleep aloft for safety Locked and levitating In this space of air One season only, Unseen by angry outriders; Bloodless in our wedding robes Like the doubled membranes Of the frozen flowers.
We are filled with the excitement and power of acquisition and multiplicity. We will finally have a helper, an interpreter, an enabler, a sharer. A Second Self with its rich promise of Difference – different memories, body type, fantasies, wishes, dreams – we can indulge ourselves in. We can’t wait to get going and find this person who promises us wings and immortality! The potential sexual ecstasy alone is keeping us up nights. Imagine thoroughly exploring another and being thoroughly explored yourself – with a lifetime to do it in. We can’t yet speak the language of butterflies, but we can imagine it. We are giving ourselves wings. With such commitment, every moment becomes a lifetime. We think we may have discovered the secret of eternal youth, to see and be seen through the eyes of love.
Angel Clothes
You are like a ripe peach Swollen in the summer of your life And as the peach surrounds its stone Your skeleton enwombs your soul But thinly. I often see it shining Through the hollows in your cheeks. I need your body Need to know its shadows Sound its pleasures But as the stone Though small at first Must grow; feeds off the dying peach So your spirit will transhume your flesh Disgorge it in A thousand peaches a thousand summers a Thousand eternities more beautiful than You or I
Parents can watch this need for The Reciprocal Other awaken. At about the age of two the infant, who has belonged to the parents and who has felt like part of them, begins to show a lot of interest in the outside world. But when she sees a pint-sized someone exactly like herself, a certain sparkle comes into her eyes. She wants to clutch, bond with, play with that person. Hang on, because now the thrill-ride is beginning, the search Plato described as our search for our Missing Half. Mating behavior is an even more powerful driver in biology than feeding needs. Mating drives species to extravagant displays of seemingly dangerous behaviors, obsessive building, fighting and positioning. Species who mate for life put themselves through complex effort to secure The One. So this is biology, folks. You are in the grips of an instinctual drive it is pointless to resist. Hang on, and let’s make sure your brain becomes engaged.
Sex cadets
I shall orchestrate your life I say Make your blood sing woodwind Stretch my nerve harp-tight Across your exo-shell While you, heart racer Put me through my paces Pushing your muscle through The gates of my life Pushing past theories of the pluperfect poetical pushing like a downhill artist the speed racer you claim to be Speed devil Speed demon Speed dreamer.
Assess your potential to connect. We wake alone, but we are on the path of Attachment. Ask yourself; do you seek balanced, indestructible attachment, synchronous, not disharmonic relationship; a connection that is symbiotic, not exploitative. If the answer is Yes, you are on the path of Paradise.
How can we achieve these goals? First, we must understand and accept our Self, our Ego, with all its quirks and flaws, needs and yearnings, limits and possibilities. Then we must understand the Other; the Lover. We must attune ourselves to the structure of their yearning to begin to construct our duet, our dance. After that we must negotiate the rapids of relationship with each other and with the outside world. Danger! Excitement! Ecstasy! Despair…Compassion. Union.
We are caterpillars, you and I, attempting to learn the language of butterflies. We are unprepossessing creatures, daily absorbed in infantile needs of eating and excreting, but we have a firm promise of a future in which we stretch our gorgeous wings.
Homing – Forgiveness – Do you dream of home? What’s “home” to you? Sometimes we dream of a home that no longer exists, or never existed. DreamTherapy posits that “home” represents the state of psychic absolution where all mistakes are forgiven and fall away from us. We are cleansed. We dream of ultimate understanding where our sins are not too terrible to be entirely forgotten. Jesus suggests to us that state will never arrive until we learn to be the “forgivers”. Obviously, this means we must learn – somehow – to forgive ourselves.
What Does It Mean to “Re-set”? – We don’t wish to be free of “consequences”. We want to learn and grow from our mistakes but not be humiliated and punished for them. Pretending they didn’t happen doesn’t free us. Seeing our mistakes as moves in a dance we all contribute to frees us from painful rumination and helps explain how the search for blame becomes a prison. “I did this because you –“… Human interactions are a tar-pit in which we trap and tar ourselves. We realize we need to forgive every chain in the event pattern if we are ever to have any peace.
Challenge – Robert Frost defines “home” as a place where, when you show up, they have to take you in. Defining “they” defines your group, your tribe, your original home. Philosophy may provide an answer. Buddhists see history as a circle, Christians as a spiral. Ask these questions of your Dream Journal: which direction is the spiral headed and do we have time to learn what we need to know before there’s a cataclysm? Can you define the mess we’re all in and intuit your behavioral contribution? Is it possible to detach from the mess? Can you find a group – or even a moment (say, in yoga class) where you detach from the mess?
Danger – Mixed up about “ultimate” right and wrong? Lots of atheists feel ”condemned” anyway. Think it through. One avenue leads to health, dignity and growth; the other leads in the opposite direction. Don’t make the mistake of “fundamental attribution error” either. Martin Luther King Jr. made a wise comment that the type of government capitalism desires is “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the rest of us.” It certainly suits corporations to lecture their employees on building a better world without incorporating any of those ideas into the bigger picture, where we have no control and they have absolute freedom. It is important that our resistance not embitter us.
Opportunity – Forgiveness doesn’t require ignoring the past or accepting bad behavior. It’s part of an interaction where forgiveness is requested. Usually there is a recognition of fault or an expression of remorse: “I’ll never do that again!” When the requesting party seeks permission for the suffering to continue, “I can’t change” — that’ a different request. “Home” is not created that way. Hell is. Your opportunity is to point this out – if necessary, to yourself. “But if I’m not willing to try giving up my behavior because I think I’m not able to, this pattern will continually get worse.” And make an intelligent choice. “If it gets really bad I can always commit violence” is not an intelligent choice, “I need help” is.
Models & Mentors – “It’s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it’s a powerful place, because it frees you” – Tyler Perry
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world” – Marianne Williamson
“The weak can’t forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”
– Mahatma Gandhi
“To forgive one another, we must understand one another” – Emma Goldman
“Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. It liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself” – T.D. Jakes
Mantra – “I forgive”
Meditation –
#Haiku: Forgiveness
Returning home with New eyes Strong hands Fresh translations of Future past
Love – Love is the spirit that animates the empty spaces between humans. Once charged, these spaces become a powerful force for growth and change – uncharged they are so much dead air. Love is the longing to be truly alive and to share life with the Blissed, Blessed Others.
Yearning Defines Us – Once we knew the meaning of life but it seems we have forgotten. But oh, how we long to be reminded, to re-experience the borderlessness between creatures that makes the dead universe come alive.
Challenge – We can’t go back, we can only go forward. We must practice uncertain techniques we can’t recall in a threateningly uncertain world. We truly are standing up and running across the ocean, just as in my dream, but this time, we have the confidence of memory. Someone loved us once, now we can re-create and perpetuate that magic. In your Dream Journal, list all the aspects of love that you can remember. How many can you yourself practice?
Danger – Danger lies in narrowing definitions. Love must ever open outwards. As soon as we turn Love into a zero sum game with a shut-off valve the moment we feel gratified, Love is killed.
Opportunity – Close your eyes and assume yoga’s starfish pose. We are open to what the universe longs to teach and once we commit to pass it on, we form an unbreakable chain, free at last from the bonds of selfishness. Clasp the hand (or paw) that generously, trustingly takes hold of yours.
Models & Mentors –“‘to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” – David Viscott
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only what you are expecting to give, which is everything” – Katherine Hepburn
“Love gives you a piece of your soul you never knew was missing”
– Torquato Tasso
“Love is the gift of oneself” – Jean Anouilh
“I love you for who I am when I’m with you” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Mantra – “I embrace”
Meditation –
#Haiku: Honesty
Stop delusion No one’s fooled. Acknowledge Truth – Radiate Love: Know Peace.
The Labyrinth – Complexity – Last night I dreamed of being at a resort where people were able to run across the top of the ocean playing a curling game – but they had to move fast. I couldn’t figure out what kept their feet above the waves. Later it was my job to provide lunch but the food at the little store was appalling. Very little bread, all stale – some weird canned vegetables, no protein other than some very suspect cheese. In the dream, I felt actual agony at the paucity of my choices. Then, on waking, I had to laugh at myself and my tiny fake “dilemmas”!
Do you Experience “Problem-solving dreams” you can’t seem to solve? Life is very complex. We are bombarded with daily reminders that many of its problems are too big for our tiny brains to tackle alone. We need help to decipher the maze – legions of engineers, mathematicians, philosophers and artists – living and dead. Our mythic history has always been: Tiny Helpless Human Confronts Huge Hostile Universe.
You Are A Problem Solver – There is a always a way out of the labyrinth. You can follow string, leave breadcrumbs, mark walls, climb higher to get a birds’ eye view. My favorite cartoon shows a goat calmly eating his way through the maze. The key, problem solvers tell you, is not to panic. Whole years of primary education are devoted to getting you to sit down, breathe calmly and divide the problem into steps. Remember what you have been taught. Open your Dream Journal and recall your goals.
Challenge – It is not necessary to solve the entire problem to solve the problem. Even a blind rat can get through a maze one step at a time. Algebra is the manipulation of unknowns. Guessing at the existence of x using the behavior of surrounding particles allows us to see without eyes. Many “hacks” are clever, and certain innovators have a gift for adaptation and reconfiguration. We can always get help. Repeat after me: “All my problems have a solution.” Often the solution is to view the “problem” differently. Maybe it isn’t a problem. Maybe it’s an opportunity.
Danger – Primary dangers are panic (inability to think) and defeatist thinking (lack of imagination). The lovely movie The Martian shows a scientist literally conquering the impossible. If you ”give up”, you never get there, but retreat, reconstitution, changing training regimens and getting help are NOT giving up. “Sleep on it” is always good advice, as is viewing the difficulty from some other angle or changing the definitions of the entities considered.
Opportunity – Key to success is fostering excitement about the challenges. Our high school used to dump couples in the countryside at night and give a prize to the first couple who found their way home! (Following roads and train tracks always a good idea.) Scavenger hunts and orienteering cover much the same territory. The fact that a problem is difficult only makes it more fun. Ask chess players.
Models & Mentors – “The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity” – Douglas Horton
“The labyrinth combines walking and thinking to open your power of imaginative perception” – Lauren Artress
“Willingness to be puzzled is a valuable trait to cultivate” – Noam Chomsky
“In a maze, find the center, in a labyrinth, find yourself” – Alysse Aallyn
“Life is a puzzle, missing pieces guaranteed and you can’t cheat and look at the box” – Anonymous
Mantra – “I solve”
Meditation:
#Haiku: Brainworms
Cruel Thoughts niggle; Threatening Hijack: Breathe deep: Swipe left Swipe right Float Up
Judgement – Do you dream of gossips, shunners, condemnation? Franz Kafka’s brilliant novels are about the feeling of being sentenced for unexplained crimes we didn’t intentionally commit with no way to defend ourselves.
Do you dream of a great eye? Walls of eyes? We know other people are looking. We know we are being assessed, ranked, possibly dismissed. We defensively assess, dismiss and gossip about each other. It’s so hard to know what’s really going on when we are right in the middle of it. Do you dream of trials? Punishment? Hangovers?
Cultivate Discernment – You notably have the right to judge for yourself, but you have the obligation. We are familiar with the experience of disliking some experience until a friend teaches us “how” to like it. We treasure the interesting adventure of seeing the world through another’s eyes , feeling with their hands, tasting with their tongue and remembering through their memory. An out of body experience for sure, as well as a bonding exercise. But always keep an eye out for “end results”? Is developing a taste for absinthe or designer drugs “good” for us? How does it benefit our bottom line to cultivate an enjoyment of “ghost cars”?
Challenge – There is a saying that youth produces Bad Experiences and Bad Experiences develop Good Judgment. But you ought to be able to see some of these Bad Experiences coming because in our competitive capitalistic society these can be wipeout events. How many decades of your life can you devote to unethical corporations, scammy multi-level marketing schemes, bad marriages and “secret” investments? Our time, our youth, our energy and our assets are limited. Open your Dream Journal and sketch out your limits.
Danger – Regret is a potent force. Sometimes it is possible to be too cautious. But can you just “dip a toe?” The principle of “dollar cost averaging” suggests that you keep “paying yourself back” for investments that offer the promise of paying off big, so that if they suddenly plunge, you will never have actually lost money. This requires that we not get swept up in the experience and maintain a mind unaffected by inebriating substances. Ask yourself honestly, is that possible for me?
Opportunity – “If everyone else jumped, would you?” Now’s the time for you to develop yourself outside “the group.” How often do you do things because “the group” is doing them? How smart is your group? Who controls it? How close to the cliff ARE you? Think about the nature of leadership. Of models. Once you start evincing discernment you will be challenged but respected. Sometimes you lose your taste for the group, or you find a new group that suits you better. Evolve.
Models & Mentors – “Good judgment comes from bad experience”
– Will Rogers
“At the end of the day, you need someone who listens to you without judgment” – Payal Rohatgi
“A rush to judgment makes a fair trial hard to get” – John Grisham
“When you judge another you define yourself” – Wayne Dyer
‘It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but hard to dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities” – Josiah Stamp
Mantra – “I judge”
Meditation –
#Haiku: After Magritte
In the dream you play Every role – Perp, victim, Voyeur, Cleaner, Pimp Judge
Illusion – Are you captivated by dream world mirages? Do you find yourself dreaming about some magic dissolution of “the rules of reality”? The problem with mirages – especially those we long to believe in – is that they become illusions. We need to cling to an obvious fantasy so hard we willingly surrender our ability to discern fact from fiction.
Illusions are Powerful – The seventeenth century Dutch needed a desirable luxury exchange item the privileged could trade back and forth for status reasons. Yes, that was the tulip bulb. It was a bubble – a scheme with a limited number of buyers – and inevitably the bottom fell out and left a whole lot of previously comfortable people bankrupt. We don’t have anything like that, these days, do we? Or do we?
Challenge – Are you trapped by an illusion that you used to need but now is killing you? Open your Dream Journal and let’s consider. You can identify this by your increasing suffering over your increasingly difficult life and your diminishing pleasure over something that used to be a reliable joy. Is it as relationship? An activity? A belief? Look at the problem honestly. Find others going through the same experience and have an honest discussion about it. If any group member rushes in defensively to shame and discourage you, to convince you you’re not feeling what you KNOW you ARE then what you’re trying to exit is a cult. Stop communicating with those flying monkeys and find somebody who supports the truth of your actual suffering AND your desire to feel better.
Danger – The path to re-making yourself is fraught with danger and you will require all sorts of help. Don’t be discouraged if your feelings are volatile and transitory and you are confused about their reality. Move slowly, consulting kind others with whom you feel safe.
Opportunity – You are embarked on an exciting growth challenge where you leave a constricting carapace behind. Sometimes the “shell” was protective and served for a time to keep you safe while you matured. You don’t need to disparage the old you, or the old relationship; it served its purpose. Often people who have been through a trauma say afterwards they wouldn’t change the past, because they treasure and embrace the person they’ve become.
Models & Mentors – “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours” – Richard Bach
“The world is an illusion we must take seriously.” – Aldous Huxley
“The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion – the tunnel’s the illusion” – Alysse Aallyn
“Separation from each other is an optical illusion of reality” – Albert Einstein
‘Limit, like fear, is often an illusion” – Michael Jordan
Mantra – “I accept reality”
Meditation –
#Haiku: Schism
In the multiverse Heartbreak is Mitosis to create Extra selves
Success – Do you dream of adulation? Applause? Accomplishments? Trophies? Rewards? Or are you really dreaming of receiving Universal Love? When we wake, we feel faintly embarrassed, as if we have “given ourselves away”. Could it be that the very idea of “success” is something of a mirage?
Success Is However You Define It – Abraham Lincoln famously said people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. If we define “success” as adulation by others haven’t we given away ultimate power over our lives? Many people define success in material ways – it’s the only way to explain the salaries CEO’s pay themselves, while publicly admitting nobody “needs” that much money. They don’t seem to be using it very responsibly either, so I judge them to be “unsuccessful.” Clearly the most important person to please is yourself and the challenge is: are you content now, and what would it take to make you so?
Challenge – If success is “arrival”, doesn’t that imply a “finish line”? Do you really want to be finished? Do we want to be in constant progress, just reaching for the goal – or does that imply a treadmill? A “rat race”, in fact? Isn’t the ultimate success “contentment”? To be content we must assess our lives and come to terms with our missteps. Sometimes we discovered something even more wonderful than we didn’t even know we were searching for.
Danger – Our scarcity-oriented society views everything as a competition, and the fundamental danger is that you end up comparing your INSIDES (i.e., how you feel) with everyone else’s “outsides” (i.e., how they LOOK.) You can see that’s nonsensical. We don’t see each other’s sadness and pain, only display and showmanship.
Opportunity – Feel compassion for the hurt and struggle of others. Feel compassion (and forgiveness) for your own hurt and struggle. Assess your place on life’s path. Maybe you’re still on the edge of some great discovery, if so, keep going! Maybe it’s time to take stock of how far you’ve come, have a look at the big map and refresh your goals. Open your Dream Journal and give yourself a high five. My goals are, dreaming, thinking, reading and writing. I do exactly what I want to most days, surrounded by love. Feels like success to me.
Models & Mentors – “without continual growth & progress, such words as improvement, achievement and success have no meaning” – Benjamin Franklin
“Beauty in the struggle, ugliness in success’ – Jermaine Cole
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can” – Arthur Ashe
“There is always light – if we’re brave enough to see it, we’re brave enough to be it “ – Amanda Gorman
“Rules for success: 1. Believe in your ideas 2. Pick good people 3. Earn Respect 4. Always be a student 5. Enjoy what you do 6. Ask for advice 7. Learn to say No 8. Create the best products 9. Don’t take things personally 10. Create the future” – Bill Gates
Mantra – ‘Refreshed”
Meditation –
#Haiku: Success
Mountain summits Have another side Where sun shines And gravity Helps
Alysse Aallyn 