Alysse Aallyn

Category: #Literature

  • Inspired Pleasure – the dance diaries of Alysse Aallyn

    6:30 PM 9 Aug 76 – Shalimar

                     Writing carefully so as not to mess up my fresh 

    polish.  Got here early – Fessenden bus much better.  Rick 

    Marl in tonight talking about R’s divorce.  Said I should hear 

    his wife’s side of the story. (He’s met her.) I don’t want to hear 

    his wife’s side of the story – what would I do if I did know it. 

                    Sounds like they should get a divorce – she’s not resisting so 

    obviously she had as many problems with him as he had with her. 

    The fact that he spent so much time here is bad news for any marriage.

                     I was very impressed by his job – a TV news director 

    is a king – he sits in a the control booth with all the camera angles 

    in front of him and tells everyone what to do. I said nothing, but I 

    enjoyed the way they looked at me – very admiringly – where did 

    SHE come from. Little do they know – R won’t tell them. If they 

    dine at the Shalimar, they’ll find out. Fortunately, they’re all good 

    family men – eat lunch out of a cooler then rush home to fix the 

    automatic garage door opener and read a bedtime story to the 

    little ones. 

                     Reading Mortal Wounds and loving it. Fun to compare

     the George Sand period to the Notorious Woman TV series last year. 

    Went on a picnic with R. then saw Robert Shaw in Swashbuckler.

    Ghastly flick. I wasn’t too rude because R liked it. Told him he should 

    have seen Anne of the Thousand Days.

            Sent out 12 poems. But I’m trying to force myself to stop writing 

    poetry and concentrate on novel. There’s no financial point to poetry

     – Alas.

    11:35 am Thurs 12 Aug 76

                     I’d like to write but I must pack for the trip and it junks up my

     head. Mss, 2 ribbons (in case) correctype, The Romantic Egoists, 

    Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald’s Scrapbooks, and the wonderful 

    portrait by Julia Cameron of the two little girls clutching each other 

    which I see as the cover of my book. Sad to see the way Fitzgerald

     tried to force his wishes on the universe – force it to see things – 

    to be – his way.  No wonder he admired the rich – they’re the only 

    ones who sometimes – very infrequently –  get away with that. But 

    they are not enviable nevertheless – it’s always a naked emperor 

    situation.  Zelda’ s constant references to “not having a past” interest 

    me exceedingly – that way madness most definitely lies.  This is what 

    happens to people who insist on “living in the present”; they become amnesiacs.  Idea for a poem.

    F. SCOTT FITZGERALD:

    “To the Spoils Belong the Victor”

    The butler’s name is Gin;

    He never gets the girl.

    The Heart’s Café is terraced –

    Cantilevered exits exalt

    No core. At the Pony Bar

    Payment is upfront;

    Robert Service and Booth Tarkington

    Left prints on ice;

    The service is bad but

    There’s a reason for everything.

    Back at the Alhambra someone who might be Ernest

    Puts the moves on someone

    Who looks like Zelda or possibly it was

    The other way around.

    They never get these stories straight.

    Here’s the one they played last year:

    Sole is déclassé but at least

    There’s always caviar.

    Look on, look down, look it up or read

    The menu.

    Floorshow Tonight: Van Wyck Brooks &

    Edmund Wilson Debate:

    Artist = Self-destructive Sport?

    Or Fad? Or Fate?

                      I guess I’ll need  clothes – so I must do laundry.  I also should 

    clean house for poor A – it’s only fair.  No writing; circumstances militate. 

                     R working very hard to get to the point where he can take a 

    vacation – he didn’t get in till 2:45 AM.

    Shalimar – 3:30 PM –13 Aug 76

                     Was sitting on a box of Lite Beer sipping coffee and 

    reading Miss Read when Carmen warned me that the boss 

    might fire me for reading. Apparently writing he doesn’t mind 

    so much, probably because he can’t imagine anyone keeping 

    it up longer than 10 mins at a time. R. will be here soon, then 

    we hit the bank, pick up my stuff and we’re on the road for the 

    Finger Lakes.  Five hours alone in the car.  I find I have a lot 

    of inhibitions against voicing boundaries in our relationship – 

    mainly because I don’t want to be lied to.  I want to find out 

    how things really are. For example, he spent last night in 

    Gaithersburg with his wife. Now her I’m jealous of, because

     he used to love her, used to think she was a “catch” and 

    was surprised and gratified that she “descended” into 

    marriage with him.  

                     I probably won’t ask him if they had sex because 

    it would be making too much of it. He’s said before he wouldn’t,

     and she definitely wouldn’t. But I can’t believe a woman who 

    knows she’s losing a man might not change in her feelings – 

    just to see what power she has left. I would, if he wanted the 

    divorce and I didn’t. Will I be able to tell just by looking at him? 

    R feels the right to be jealous and possessive over me, which

     I don’t grudge him since I’m naturally monogamous. He feels 

    no discomfort making rules for me. But he should.

    6:00 PM Saturday 14 Aug 76 Finger Lakes

                     Lying on the bed in our tiny TINY two room cabin – 

    with just a curtain separating the rooms – I was going to write 

    here about how much I love my job (I really miss dancing so 

    much when I’m away from it – the ideal thing would be three 

    sets a day for life) – when R came in, threw himself on me,

     tore my clothes off, began kissing my breasts and exploring 

    my tan lines and pressing his beautiful valued body hard hard

     hard into mine – and you know what happened next.  If he turns 

    the fan on high I don’t think the other campers can hear our little 

    yips and screams.  At least I hope not. We spent last night in his

     grandmother’s house in Binghamton, New York. 

                     She bedded us down in separate rooms – he gave me a

     long lecture about how you have to respect the house rules of 

    whoever you’re staying with – and then who do you think showed 

    up in the middle of the night saying he couldn’t sleep. It is ecstatic 

    to have sex almost without moving – this must be what Tantra is like. 

    We were directly over her and the bed creaked so we didn’t move a 

    muscle – absorbed and shed each other like snakes. Wonderful.

                     Next stop was R’s cousins who own the cabins. I don’t know 

    what to say about them – plastic flowers and Sonny James. My state 

    of deep shock probably resembled mental retardation. Some people’s 

    houses are frighteningly ugly. Their clock has eyes,  they keep the 

    plastic on the lampshades. I just sat there while the ethnic and sex 

    jokes filtered around me.  Who could blame R’s first wife for 

    shunning this bunch? 

                     I would not choose them for buddies either. And the fact

     that they are renting us a cabin doesn’t appear to mean we will 

    also get privacy – so I have taken to wearing my glasses. Number 

    one – I don’t see as well – number two – it creates a kind of screen 

    between me and them.

                     The Lake is beautiful – but I don’t need to go in more than 

    twice a day – I also don’t have the patience for the fish-a-thons that 

    absorb the rest of them, dawn till dusk. 

                     Plus one time waterskiing was plenty.  Since dinner is a 

    vast barbecue down at the beach every night and we only have 

    sandwiches for lunch and cereal for breakfast there is not that 

    much to do, thank God. Sadly the dinners are followed by 

    hours of dancing, drinking and fighting.  I go to bed early to read 

    but R stays and plays “peacemaker”. Tonight he says he’s going 

    to let them kill each other and join me. Therefore I can set up my 

    typewriter on the kitchen table and get right to it. People keep 

    coming to bring me coffee and cookies – I think they really 

    want to see a writer “in action” – at the end of this trip I MAY 

    be 20 lbs heavier. The rest of my time is spent sunning and reading.  

                     Unfortunately St. Secaire going VERY badly. Complete

     horseshit, alas.

             I’ve started it four separate times. I think at this point I just 

    have to keep going and hope it’s possible to clean up the mess later.

                       Tuesday 17 Aug 76 7:30 PM

                     Outside a fair number of people, all high as kites, 

    revving their engines and swearing they’re leaving and never 

    coming back. I don’t know if anybody’s actually going to GO 

    or not but I wish they would.  No wonder R had nothing to do 

    with these people for four years – he may conveniently blame 

    his wife but the truth is none of them can stand each other. 

    Pack of wolverines. I’ve been left totally alone and am well 

    out of it – they may have forgotten I am even here. Last night R 

    was so depressed he just lay on the bed exhausted by them. I 

    tried to explain to him about resentment and the resulting succubae 

    and incubi thus created. (Subject of my novel, in fact.) 

                     He said something about “our next 25 years” that just 

    floored me. Even my husband didn’t talk like that.  Remember 

    saying to my father – I would be fine if I could only find a man who

     treated me as well as I treated him. Dad – so ready to take 

    anybody’s part over mine,  said, Has it ever occurred to you at 

    you might be hard to live with?  Such a typical Daddy remark – 

    the more you think about it the worse it gets.  

                     Well, R treats me better than anyone else so far. 

    He’s almost talked me into looking for a new job when I get back – 

    and that’s a lot. But if he wants to introduce me around, can’t lie 

    about what I do, etc etc. (This group – doesn’t know about my job –

     he says they’d eat me – and him – alive. I can scarcely believe 

    they would take the moral high ground with me but I suppose 

    anything’s possible.) 

                  Tried to read a Redbook someone brought – 

    shouldn’t do it.  So depressing.  Could never write like that or 

    be like that. If that’s the standard this whole thing is hopeless. 

    Then I picked up a book by Grace Livingston Hill.  I’m going to 

    include her in my article on female pornographers.

                       R told me he had the impression that if I didn’t have my 

    novel to write I would probably go bananas. I said probably. I tried 

    to prepare him for the very different kind of vacation he’s going to 

    get in Maine – where people very deliberately leave each other alone.

     If somebody sets off down the beach and you wanted also to walk 

    on the beach – you’d turn and go the opposite way. R says in his 

    family that would be grounds for a six-year grudge punctuated by 

    sobbing, screaming and threats of suicide.

    12:10 am

                       Went night fishing with R because he wanted me to.

     Wrote a wonderful poem about Coleridge – just came to me in 

    one piece. Couldn’t really share with R – he doesn’t know who 

    Coleridge is. So I showed him – Haunted Wedding. 

    HAUNTED WEDDING

    The pregnant car disgorges

    Only us. It’s winter.

    Drunk as silver fish

    We beat our gills as light

    As hummingbirds.

    In an amethyst ring

    Of drypoint trees 

    The half-built house

    Gapes and swells

    Its timbers stink of sap.

    Windrill fields occlude

    Our crossing, so you carry me

    High above the thorny osiers.

    We sleep aloft for safety

    Locked and levitating

    In this space of air 

    One season only,

    Unseen by angry outriders;

    Bloodless in our wedding robes

    Like the doubled membranes

    Of the frozen flowers

                     This triggered a fight because he says it wasn’t written 

    for him.  (If he jealously searches my work for other lovers 

    madness is assured.)  He almost talked me into thinking it a 

    bad poem.

                       I feel my mother’s disapproving stare on all of this – “

    don’t ruin what you have by trying to get something else” – as 

    if showing R this poem would  be a deliberate way of hurting him 

    by making him feel inferior – part of her larger accusation that I 

    channel so much energy into writing I’m no good with people and 

    that’s why my relationships suffer.  All I can say is, thank God for 

    my diary.  

                       Writing now with my feet in R’s lap while he plays cards. 

    He strokes my toes from time to time, as if I were a cat. We came in

     from fishing and he just took my pants down – such earthy 

    sexuality has never existed for him. He told me he’s never 

    been so happy.  And as for me? One side of my multi-prismed 

    personality is happy, but some of the other sides are complaining. 

    Difficult to contemplate an existence where I am not mentally alone 

    six hours a day. 

                       One of the reasons I like my job is that it leaves that part 

    of me remarkably intact – dancing is a lot like sleepwalking. If I get 

    another job there’s a strong chance I’ll have to interact with humans. 

    Hell. And we both know how humans can be. Then I might be too 

    exhausted emotionally and battered psychologically to have the 

    energy to write – it’s a serious risk.  Those architects ran roughshod 

    over me. 

  • Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

    The Statue – Law

    If This Archetype Chooses You – You have a legal issue. Is there some illegality in your secret life? Are you stepping over lines in public or private? Remember, lawbreakers break themselves.

    Do You Dream of Judges? Lawyers? Court? Are you obsessed with TV programs about justice? When justice is delayed or denied, do you obsess about that? Are you feeling unjustly punished? Do you envy or rage against those who have “gotten away with something”?

    Creative’s Desire for Justice is Hardwired – Do you envy or rage against those who have “gotten away with something”? “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” In my view, the mere concept of Complete Justice is heaven enough. We are repeatedly warned that it won’t ever match our earthly ideologies, that we are children scrapping in a sandbox who haven’t noticed, much less comprehended, the real issues.

    What Is Our Armor? – What laws resonate with you? Do you believe in karma? How would you define it? What laws make you angry? Which laws would you modify? What is your attitude towards the police – protectors of order or agents of mayhem? Dick Nixon was famous for talking endlessly about “restoring law and order” until just before he was forced to resign because of his multiple crimes. Many Trump followers insist everything Trump has done is “justified because Democrats are worse.” Is this a race to the bottom? Where’s the off-ramp?

    Creative Danger – “Judge not lest ye be judged” is a scary proposition. How would we come off if our standards were used against us? Come to think of it, what are our standards? Are they fluid? Flexible? Jesus also said the “letter” i.e. “written rule” KILLS. That it’s the “spirit that gives life.”

    Law Is Our Armor – Creatives dream of a “spirit-filled” Law. Maybe you wanted to go to Law School but life intervened. It’s never too late to study any subject that’s close to our heart. We become creatives because we wish for heroes; I think that’s the sole reason for the wild popularity of the Marvel movie series.

    Do You Admire Heroes Because They Break the Rules, or because they uphold them? We acknowledge the need for rules, but how can we make sure they’re “spirit-filled”? In what areas of your life are you too rigid? In which are you too flexible? Imagine yourself speaking in court, making a case for yourself. What arguments would you give? Ask your dreams to start imagining a Justice World. How would it look?

    Models & Mentors – “Law is not law if it violates the principles of eternal justice” – Lydia Maria Child

    “The only stable state is one where all are equal before the law” – Aristotle

    “Law is the public conscience” – Thomas Hobbes

    ‘Able in argument, accurate in analysis, strict in study, candid with clients and honest with adversaries, today I shall not, to win a point, lose my soul” – St. Thomas More

    “If we desire respect for the law, we must make law respectable” – Louis D. Brandeis

    #Haiku: Karma

    Come round –
    Go round.
    Love reaps love
    Law reaps
    Justice
    Violence reaps
    Whirlwind.

  • Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

    Synchronicity – Education

      If This Archetype Chooses You – Time to Educate Yourself so that you can manage risk intelligently and get what you want out of life!

      Never Quit Learning. Synchronicity makes the magic of daily life, but you can’t see it without Education. Do you dream of longed-for events and fulfillment? Glorious parties of blissful happiness where life finally seems to be unfolding exactly the way it should? Synchronous events are harmonious, as if the universe is a vast perfectly working clockwork machine.

      Understanding machines, systems, attribution and calibration are the subject of the educational process. This is the reason we spend the first twenty plus years of our lives in instructive settings.

      Creatives Learn for a Lifetime – You are a fierce absorber of knowledge. Advertisers know this, as do the designers of games and entertainment generally. We adore self-educating mazes. The complex dance between our skills, our bodily manifestation and the physics of reality is never-ending. Creatives determinedly master the synchrony of Right Thought, Right Instruction & Right Action.

      Creatives Have Young Brains but Old Souls – We have seen, known, learned and struggled so much. We have much knowledge to pass on to the brash beginners. But we ourselves confront each day with Gratitude Practice – re-experiencing the thrill of being alive and relishing the challenge of bending the universe toward light.

      As We Fill Our Souls with Light We Confront the Darkness – Remember – always get the oxygen mask over your own face before you try to help others. We need to design a life-long learning plan that benefits US, not one that puts our hard-earned money in someone else’s pocket.

      Beware the Quicksand – The culture seeks to bog us down in titles, degrees, honors, acquisitions and pro forma protocols. Don’t succumb. Our motion is always upward, our benchmark always health. Are we becoming stronger, smarter and more peaceful? Can we pass this flexible, constructive protocol along? Danger: we are seducible. We get tired, we long for reinforcements and approval. We just want to put our feet up.

      You Chose the Synchronicity Archetype – You have something to learn today to calibrate your balance in this uncertain world. Write it out in your training journal before you go to sleep – what new thing have I learned today? Where will it fit along my map? But we are smart! Our self-designed goal system must contain refreshment and renewal breaks. Most importantly, we will be needing a buddy as we go through the system, and a spiritual guru who provably has our best interests at heart. You can recognize them by the fact that they don’t trap you into a dominance/submission matrix.

      Models & Mentors – “Education is the key to unlocking the world. It is the passport to freedom.” – Oprah Winfrey

      “Learning never exhausts the mind.” – Leonardo da Vinci

      “Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world” – Nelson Mandela

      “Tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today” – Malcolm X

      #Haiku: Superstition

      Treasure Learning
      Compassion &
      Trust
      Bastion against
      These Dark Ages

    1. Butterfly Language for Caterpillars – Soulmate Seeking with Alysse Aallyn

      The Daisy = LOVE “Is love real?” “Love Waves”

                  Love is the secret. Love is the answer. Love is what we say we feel when we look into the Soulmate’s eyes According to our long, rich tradition of romantic literature, it’s a connection/identification with someone else so powerful (and so rewarding) you would walk through fire for that person. 

                  Biblically defined as:

                  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” 

                  Love is the opposite of the winner/loser “fuck you” ethos. 

                  Love is patient. We can’t expect the Soulmate to be on the same page with us immediately, or all the time. We must work out our differences, analyze our difficulties and strategize        solutions. Love takes time.

                  Love is kind. We handle each other gently, with care. Thoughtfully, with reverence. Slowly. Savoring.

                  Love does not envy. We are not competitive with each other. When we wrestle, it is in play, for joy, not because we want to         trounce the Soulmate or knock the feet out from under the Beloved.

                  Love does not boast. We are not seeking to impress each other. Love is not a hierarchy where we can lift our status above the Loved One.

                  Love is not proud. We can admit fault. We can say we are sorry. We can weep with the Beloved and we can begin again.

                  Love does not dishonor others. There is no “score”, no winner  and no loser. We don’t take tattletales of the Beloved to friends, family, social media or the public space. 

                  Love is not self-seeking. It is not transactional: “what can I get out of this” “you are not giving enough” “you are not making me look good.”

                  Love is not easily angered. We resist anger, touchiness, rage over our wounded narcissistic self-importance. If we are angry we cannot join, touch each other, embrace whole-heartedly or solve problems. When you get angry over a problem, now you have two problems. 

                  Love keeps no record of wrongs. When we say, “I forgive you”, we mean it.

                  Love does not delight in evil. We do not seek the diminishment or disrespect of the other. Popular “bondage” and “sadism” games that memorialize the helplessness and subjection of the Other are dangerous, volatile and can be triggers of past dangers and will map out a bleak and lonely future.

                  Love rejoices in the truth. The truth evolves because our brains evolve. Truth is a process as our lives are a process. We are all heading for an end goal – both together and separately – if we        can   figure out what it is. Truth is our ally in this dilemma, because it tells us the real results of all our strategies which allows us to calibrate our efforts and improve our outcomes.         We must speak truth to each other and we must grow in stature enough to dare to speak truth to Power.

                  Love protects. We shelter. We nourish. We steward. We cherish. We assess. We unite.

                  Love always trusts. We believe. We have the best assurance that God is good and that truth, justice and love will win in the end.

                  Love always hopes. Things will get better tomorrow. We will         work towards constant improvement.

                  Love perseveres. We will never quit. We are in this for the long haul.

      Meditation:  I am part of all I have met  – Tennyson

      #Haiku: Love Waves

      Sound travels forever

      Like love;

      Stars’ boundless dance

      Launched

      By mortal hearts

    2. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

      Law – Do you dream of judges? Lawyers? Court? Are you obsessed with TV programs about justice? When justice is delayed or denied, do you obsess about that? Do you ever feel unjustly punished by life itself? Do you envy or rage against those who have “gotten away with something”?

      Our Desire for Justice is Hardwired – “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” In my view, a concept of Complete Justice is heaven enough. Of course, we are repeatedly warned that it won’t match our earthly ideologies, that we are children scrapping in a sandbox who haven’t noticed, much less comprehended, the real issues.

      Challenge – What laws resonate with you? Do you believe in “karma”? How would you define it? What laws make you angry? Which laws would you modify? What is your attitude towards the police – protectors of order or agents of mayhem? Dick Nixon was famous for talking endlessly about “restoring law and order” until just before he was forced to resign for his crimes. Many Trump followers insist everything Trump has done is “justified because Democrats are worse.” Is this a race to the bottom? Where’s the off-ramp?

      Danger – Laws keep changing. We want them to change. How much does that bother you? “Judge not lest ye be judged” is a scary proposition. How would we come off if our standards were used against us? Come to think of it, what are our standards? Are they fluid? Flexible? Jesus also said the “letter” i.e. “written rule” KILLS. That it’s the “spirit that gives life.”

      Opportunity – Possibly your dreams are for “spirit-filled” Law. Maybe you wanted to go to Law School but life intervened. It’s never too late to study any subject that’s close to our heart. Sometimes all we wish for are heroes; I think that’s the sole reason for the wild popularity of the Marvel movie series. Do you admire heroes because they break the rules, or because they uphold them? You acknowledge that there must be rules, but you want them to be “spirit-filled”. In what areas of your life are you too rigid? In which are you too flexible? Imagine yourself speaking in court, making a case for yourself. What arguments would you give? Sketch them out in your Dream Journal. Ask your dreams to start imagining a Justice World. How would it look?

      Models & Mentors – “Law is not law if it violates the principles of eternal justice” – Lydia Maria Child

      “The only stable state is one where all are equal before the law” – Aristotle

      “Law is the public conscience” – Thomas Hobbes

      ‘Able in argument, accurate in analysis, strict in study, candid with clients and honest with adversaries, today I shall not, to win a point, lose my soul”

      – St. Thomas More

      “If we desire respect for the law, we must make law respectable” –

      Louis D. Brandeis

      Mantra – “I bend”

      Meditation –

      #Haiku: Karma

      Come round –
      Go round.
      Love reaps love
      Law reaps
      Justice
      Violence reaps
      Whirlwind.

    3. #Dream Therapy – Dream Journaling With Alysse Aallyn

      The Shadow – Dissonance –

      Dreaming of reversals? Sudden surprises or a creeping sense of unease? Upsets? Do you wake with a sense of having forgotten something important you almost understood? Feeling lost?

        Some dreams just leave us unsettled, feeling “weird”. Something touched us, but we are of a divided mind as to whether it was pleasant or not.

        You Are A Sensitive Instrument registering seismic shifts and deep tectonic disturbances below the threshold of consciousness. Remember, what we call “consciousness” is many-layered. Beneath your conscious is your subconscious – the things you’ve put out of mind.. Below that is your unconscious –the things you don’t know you know – it is the unconscious that is accessible to us in dreams.

        The Subconscious is noisy, like a neglected child. It will occupy all your attention if you let it. But the Unconscious is a lot more interesting. Something always IS “going on” OUTSIDE YOURSELF and you are alert to the many warning signals! This can be exhausting. We have been dreaming of relaxation, peace and quiet, the clear blue sky with not a single cloud, and here are all these depthless mutterings.

        And there’s a deeper layer yet! The collective unconscious connects us to other people, living and dead, the memories of your relatives, of history itself.

        Challenge – We are not going to get rid of our spidey senses and we must refuse to numb, ignore or inflate them. The key to intelligent management of dissonance is to think of the world as an orchestra playing a symphony. The more able we are to distinguish the varied instruments and musical lines the more we will appreciate and enjoy the experience. Balance is always key. In this cacophony, YOU are the important one. We accept all the levels of consciousness without fear; they will not control us. They are asking us to control them. We will schedule regular periods of rest and renewal where we put problems far away from mind and give thanks for this body, this moment, this sense of appreciation and wonder.

        Danger – Avoid a “bunker mentality.” The universe has many bunkers, but is bigger than any single one. We cultivate a hierarchy of response. Get out of bed in the middle of the night for a fire alarm, not a phone notification. Don’t allow yourself to ever feel helpless but seek out advice and encouragement from others who understand a healthy growth process. All of us live in groups, curate your group to promote intelligent awareness in an atmosphere of hope. Dissonance is never doom.

        Opportunity – We each have a chance to spend our night on the watchtower, but you don’t need to spend every night there. Consider dissonance an invitation to maturity. We are putting away childish things. The sky is NOT falling, however the climate is under legitimate scientific threat. Strategize ways to band together to take useful action. This is an opportunity to show self-love, as well as love for the group, the environment, the world and the future. Open your Dream Journal. The attitude, “I care about you so I’m going to take care of you” keeps us sensitive to the message of Universal Love that is waiting to embrace us.

        Models & Mentors – Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to fads, trends and popular opinion”
        – Jack Kerouac

        “Better to fail in originality than succeed in imitation”
        – Herman Melville

        “If you don’t fit in, you’re probably doing the right thing” – Henry David Thoreau

        “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth”

        – John F. Kennedy

        Mantra – “I Hear You”

        Meditation –

        Haiku: Dissonance

        Nonsense;
        Clues disappeared
        Fragmenting circle
        Unsolvable
        Mystery

      1. Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

         Dawn – Relief –

        Goddesses Welcome the Fresh Morning – All suffering comes to an end.  Your depression will lift. The future awaits.

        Goddesses Know “ This too shall pass”  – We serve the future. Every dream is followed by an awakening which is followed by another dream.  In the moment of relief from the fear and the tension that preceded it we are still shaking from the experience we just went through. We are in no condition to make decisions. We are just so grateful that it is over. What is required of us, however, is appreciation of the cycle. We are surfing, whether we like it or not. Another wave will come. Goddesses learn how to ride it.

        Goddess Challenge – To rise above any cycle, take an honest look at it. This is hard to do when we are quivering and feeling victimized but it is necessary. What pattern do you see?  The surfing analogy is a good one because the tides are not rhythmic nor perfectly predictable, and they are CERTAINLY not “personal” plus we know another wave will be coming along soon.

        Goddess Strategy – Sometimes there’s a way out; we can change jobs, switch professions, get a divorce. Figure out where the pressure is coming from. Assess your abilities. What parts are you good at? Where do you suck? Can you enjoy any of this? How can your performance be improved? Most of us take pleasure in things we are good at. Can your enjoyment be deepened?

        We’re Never Helpless –  Learned helplessness is real. People give up, stop trying to game or even understand the system. They lie down under the shocks, no longer even trying to escape, waiting for death. Never believe “Resistance is futile.” Don’t succumb.

        Goddesses Play to Win –This game is bigger than our mortal understanding.  Nevertheless, you can comprehend the majesty of what we are up against and appreciate it as a knife appreciates the whetstone.  We learn through analogy, we remember through stories.

        Goddesses Set Themselves Free – Goddesses can always improve, becoming graceful, competent athletes of this mortal existence until we graduate into the next sphere.

        Goddesses Roll with the Punches – You can change and affect your fate. But you must roll with the punches. When Jesus says, “Resist not evil” he means, allow evil to roll over you and smash itself against your non-resistance. Martial arts increases our knowledge of how to manage, subvert and overcome what seems like Superior Force.

        Buddy Power – Friends, allies, buddies, sensei, even dead or fictional characters can be summoned to your aid. People choose such different characters as St. Francis, Sherlock Holmes, Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc, Mulan, Buddha and Jesus to be their “Dream buddies.” Some are more comfortable with an animal – your personal power creature; the jaguar, wolf, eagle or wolverine.

        Change Dream Buddies based on the problem confronting you. Ask their help before you go to sleep, solicit them to come to you in dreams to shed light upon your difficulty. Then the next morning, start writing and remembering the moment you wake up. Some key dreams take a lifetime to decipher.

        Models & Mentors – “Worry is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but you never get anywhere”

        – Erma Bombeck

        “For fast acting relief, try slowing down” – Lily Tomlin

        “Happiness is the relief after extreme tension”

        – F. Scott Fitzgerald

        “Laughter is the tonic, the release, the surcease of pain” – Charlie Chaplin

        #Haiku: Blameless

        What could you accomplish

        If you blamed no one

        Ever – Self included

      2. Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

        The Path – Goals –

        Do Goddesses Have Paperwork? – Plenty! – The path of an evolved, enlightened being is littered with maps – theoretical, hypothetical and under construction.

        Goddesses Dream of a Better World – Do you dream of paths diverging in a yellow wood? Checklists? Maps? Are you talking to yourself as you follow your routine? What IS your routine? How has your routine evolved? What efforts have you made to change it to newly perceived needs and discoveries? Or is your routine formed outside you, for the benefit of others?

        Goddess Dream of a Responsive Universe. If you talking to yourself throughout your routine that self-talk needs to be positive. Goddesses are accustomed to being alone during peak experiences.  They must record these for history because as Virginia Woolf reminded us, nothing has happened until it has been written down. Become an encouraging coach.  Don’t hold yourself hostage or nobody can complete the steps.

        If You Have No Goal, Any Path Will Take You There – But you won’t like where you end up. 

        Goddesses are Goal-oriented. As you become more adept at change, you realize that dividing effort into “steps” to achieve a goal is critical. It won’t happen fast. Your conscious, subconscious, unconscious and collective unconscious (not to mention your pre-conscious!) are going to kick up a helluva fuss. But aligning these is the most interesting part!  Change is guaranteed.

        Goddesses Are Sore-Muscled Athletes – Day 2, thinking, I CAN’T DO THIS. Guess what? EVERYBODY THINKS THAT! Expect it! You treat yourself with loving compassion and cold compresses, hot baths and massage. In other words, there is an established map, a way to GET THROUGH THIS. The challenge is to CUSTOMIZE your map.

        Being is Movement. As we shape the Path, it shapes us. Even the most anti-social creatures are constantly making paths for others to follow.  Such delight when we uncover a ready-made Path because path-making is exhausting!  A ready-made path is a mysterious invitation.  All paths lead Somewhere.  Every Path, Visible or not, speaks of the existence of The Other.

        Paths Speak of Destination, Intention, Design, History. Paths are our Robinson Crusoe footprint. They represent Hope: this Path worked not just once, but many times.  We are proud of being Path-makers, Ice-piercers in our turn, Long-distance voyagers.  We lead the weary, frightened traveler of the future toward confidence and reliability.

        Goddesses Use Models.  We need a constantly evolving pit crew of helpers. A side effect of routine remodeling is “crazy thinking.” We all need somebody to talk us off the ledge, somebody who is familiar with not just our goals but what we are going through. Your id is always scheming to hold you hostage, and you need an experienced hostage negotiator.

        Waves of “Fear” Surfacing from your collective unconscious require symbolic release and expression in art, dance, love-making, sport or theatre.

        Disowned Longings from Your Subconscious threaten your secure sense of self and may require therapeutic intervention.

        Unconscious Drives from Depths no one’s ever plumbed can’t be faced without the courage of a Friend or Soulmate.  So, don’t try making it through this crisis without a buddy AND a coach.

        Halt! AA has a useful  acronym – HALT –  representing:

        Hungry

        Angry

        Lonely

        Tired

        These are the Emotion States of Bad Decision-making. So, when you see these conditions developing – Halt. Call your hostage negotiator immediately.

        Models & Mentors – “Setting goals is the first step into turning the invisible into the visible” – Tony Robbins

        “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not people or things”

        – Albert Einstein

        “A goal without a plan is just a wish” – Antoine St. Exupery

        “Always remember your focus determines your reality” – George Lucas

        #Haiku: Facing the Boogeyman

        Mimics dread

        Mocks goals

        Derails

        Ambition;

        Seize him and

        Laugh

        In his face

      3. Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

        Persistence – Commitment

        Goddesses Dominate Follow-Through – No map is useful unless it is verified and experienced. Ideas are dreams until they are sketched and tested.  Every effort is a time commitment, but if the idea is worthy, the time must be committed. There is no failure, only learning, on the eternal time scheme.

        Consult Your Dreams – Do you dream of rings? Tokens? Trophies? Collecting and collectibles? Antiques, graduations, pawn shops, art museums? Ceremonies? Awards? Rewards? You are longing for the symbols that consolidate desire. But desire is nothing without will. What is your conscious will? Subconscious? Unconscious? Collective conscious will? What ignites you? You are a creature of Now, a chip on the whirlwind, but you will soon manifest power over yourself and the future.

        Goddesses Are Athletes  – Nobody’s skills are very good at first. We know there’s nothing “magical’ about becoming a pro! Who said it takes 10,000  hours of practice to be good at something? Isn’t that, like 27 years? In other words, when you really want something, you’re going to have to make a major life commitment to make this possibility a part of yourself.

        Goddesses Hang In There – Being committed means you already know it will be difficult and you will have to push through. Goddesses do their best to inform themselves of the challenges ahead and to brush up all their skills, but nothing substitutes for dogged day to day stick-to-it-iveness.

        Goddess Challenge – Are you up for sacrifice? Not many people are!  You’re going to have to skip the easy, tempting treats – physical, spiritual, emotional – to satisfy the demands of your training. There’s really only one way to do this. You’re going to have to change into a person who LIKES and PREFERS the goal-driven lifestyle. It’s easier if the lifestyle’s not TOO restrictive. By that logic, you can see that it makes sense to start off slow and build – just like you would in the gym. No sense overwhelming tender muscles with weight they can’t handle!

        Goddesses Never Surrender – Retreat is only a re-framing. You wait to see a better way to reach your goal. And sometimes new information makes for a goal change. No shame, there! This is the sign of lifelong learning. Goddess are life-long learners.

        Goddess Danger  – There’s the risk that our self-control will be sabotaged.  Addiction. Getting obsessed by something that may have started off healthy, even noble. Suddenly you’re in a downward spiral.

        Admit When You Need Help. Is your obsession interfering with work? Relationships? Health?  Are friends and family intervening, starting to talk? When a commitment turns deadly – and we know even romantic relationships can do so – reach out to someone with a balanced perspective. Likely there’s a plan already developed to get you back on track without losing the gains you’ve already made.

        Goddess Opportunity – Persistence in a healthy commitment is the best path to transformation there is. You truly can become a different person, the person you always wanted to be, over time and in tiny steps. When I wanted to give up sugar, I consumed a lot of fake sugar at first, then less and less over time, until now I can’t believe I ever liked or was satisfied by that stuff – real or fake. My palate has changed, so has my health and so have I.  That doesn’t mean I don’t eat the occasional wedding cake! I enjoy my new-made self, and so can you.

        Find a Buddy on the Journey – a tried and true pathway. Use mindfulness to examine cravings, release them and calmly set yourself free. Track everything in your Goddess Journal.

        Goddesses Honor Their Contracts – Goddess make alliances and promises. Some promises conflict with each other. Some contracts we end up not wanting to fulfill but there is just no way out but through. Goddesses know how to concentrate on the future and keep trying to negotiate win-win modifications to ease everybody’s ride.

        Models & Mentors – “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent”

        – Steve Martin

        “Failure is a requisite for success. If you want to succeed, double your rate of failure” – Brian Tracey

        “Success is the willingness to work hard for twenty-two minutes on something others would give up on after thirty seconds” – Malcolm Gladwell

        “Success comes from curiosity, concentration, perseverance and self-criticism” – Albert Einstein

        #Haiku: Commitment –

        Means you don’t give up

        Just because you want to

        Grit teeth

        Point jaw

        Plunge

        On

      4. Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

        Symbiosis – Interdependence –

        Do Goddesses Get Scared?  Of course! It is the privilege of goddess-hood to feel more, not less. Goddesses know they can’t make it on their own and they don’t want to, because they treasure the contributions of others. We are social beings, we need other people, all those characters who people your dreams. Even Goddesses are DEPENDENT on assistance. This is such a tough thing to face that there are whole categories of “winners” who go around insisting THEY “made it without any help.”  They’re the only ones who believe it!  They’ve actually assembled a vast team, and not only that, they are dependent on teams set up by others to provide safety, water, heat, light, transport. Visit a country where this isn’t a given and realize what a massive enterprise smoothly and quietly takes place around us every day.

        Goddesses Flourish, Never Exploit – Exploitation is the mark of demons, who never feel “enough”. Symbiosis benefits everyone. If it leaves you “worse off” it’s not symbiosis, it’s exploitation. In our dreams we fear depredation, loss, failure, humiliation. Our sleep world is the theatre where we rehearse our fears, presumably making them LESS LIKELY to come true! We fear dependence because that means our “supply” can be cut off. But we also provide supply to others. What, and who? Any way we can improve the supply lines?

        Goddesses Understand Systems – We live in a flow. Achieving psychic flow state allows us to contribute to the constructive flow of life. Blockages are caused by greed, (wanting too much) by envy (desiring another’s take-down) and by narcissistic rage (if I can’t be happy, no one gets to be happy.) Goddesses demonstrate positive flow with their lives, their relationships and their bodies.

        Goddess Danger – Interdependence is a delicate balance, requiring sensitivity, reflection, and the capacity to change. Above all we want to avoid “Doomsday thinking” in which “since” the obvious entropy of the universe ruins all relationships eventually, so, by this reasoning, they must be ruined NOW.  This “fear” completely overlooks the spiritual growth which time can foster. And immortality absolve. Interdependence gives us insight and time and improved relationships – a recipe for emotional and intellectual thriving.

        Goddesses Collaborate – Collaboration is inspired sharing. We are born with “essence” as our own unique mandate, and we acquire positive skills on our path through life. We contribute our skilled essence to the flow, and everyone has a different skilled essence to contribute. We inspire one another to our best achievements. We don’t want to live in a lonely universe.

        Goddess Challenge – To become independent (i.e. free) we must intellectually face the fact of our dependence on others and their dependence on us. Is there harm involved? Depredation? Abuse? Don’t make me repeat the 17 warning signs of an abusive relationship. You should be able to recognize them by now so that you can strategize a way out! If you DON’T recognize them there’s a very good chance your dreams DO. Pay attention to those. They are warning you. It’s possible to be abused by relationships with people we’ve never met – banks – corporations – landlords – employers – if this isn’t an equally mutual beneficial relationship goddesses are OUTTA HERE.  We are NOT to be taken advantage of.   We are the very models of Independence. (This is why authoritarians fear Cancel Culture. It reduces their depredation pool.) Demand & secure relationships that are more beneficial.

        Goddesses Don’t Self-Sabotage – Goddesses don’t foul their own nests, pollute their springs or wage zero sum games. Goddesses understand that win-win supports all life in general and their lives in particular.

        Goddess Opportunity – Concepts of worldly “perfection” are a persistent problem because Perfection is about death. Perfection is “finishing.” Perfection is stasis when growth has stopped. WE must be about “perfect-ing” – the process – change, evolution, and becoming. Wisdom! Sharing joy! A back and forth process involving OTHER PEOPLE. Let’s work on our confidence. Let’s work on our spiritual muscle. Let’s work on our mapping abilities so we have a good idea where we’re headed. Expect surprises and greet them when they show up: “Hello old friend.”

        Models & Mentors –  “Symbiotic relationship in nature teaches us cooperation and shows that we are all connected” – Sanchita Pandey

        “You are in a dynamic relationship with the universe because your existence is win-win” – Teal Swan

        ‘Symbiosis is a much higher reflection of intelligent life” – Frederick Lenz

        “Love is a positive, symbiotic, reciprocal flow between two or more entities”

        – Inga Muscio

        #Haiku: Libertarian

        Power trip:

        Needing no one

        Nobody

        Needing you –

        Welcome to Hell