Stoker’s screenplay started out as fan-fiction to Alfred Hitchcock’s much more enjoyable Shadow of a Doubt, which has a moral center, plus victims we care about and characters we can root for.
Stoker has a good, even beautiful movie buried in it but park Chan-Wook kept messing it up, very deliberately, probably under the pressure (and pleasure) of his personal fetishes. It starts WONDERFULLY – psychologically interesting, visually compelling, achieving an apotheosis of eidetic perfection hen a shot of hair dissolves into quivering grasses but jumps the shark on story sanity. Anyone who want to write about crime (and criminal psychology) need to STUDY it carefully or they risk sounding like nine year old girls guessing about sex – majorly clueless and missing all the real points – ultimately creating an uninteresting world too obviously made up.
Subjects like mental illness, spies, the foreign service, rituals of different countries, etc., can’t be persuasively invented, and threadbare simulacrums relentlessly reveal unpleasant truths about immature people who just don’t want their fantasies interrupted.
I used to write fantasies, too, until I began an in-depth study of crime. It changed what I wrote, how I think about the world, even how I live my life. Devlyn is a fantasy – but Find Courtney can actually happen. (Versions of it already have.) This is the reason I usually don’t like sci fi. It is possible to completely make up a world – for example Alice in Wonderland – but if it doesn’t satirize the rules of the real one it collapses like a bad soufflé. Michelangelo felt he couldn’t create a credible physicality of angels without studying dead bodies in morgues.
I understand that in Stoker our “Oldboy” doesn’t want to be “bothered” by all that stuff – he’s an “artist” who wants to create visual poetry so hypnotic it gets away with breaking the rules and it almost works! But by the end of the film real life insistently intrudes with its message that the “impossible” is ultimately boring.
The acting in Stoker is very good – especially Matthew Goode who seemed creepily young and was almost perfect – he would have BEEN perfect if the director had allowed him to be a little less vampiric and a little less “ka-razy” and a little more human. That would have made him more appealingly believable. But of course everyone has to submit to becoming an “archetype” to satisfy this director. India Stoker’s amoral, murderous sexuality has been a fetish for middle-aged men seeking to relieve their guilt (and excuse their behavior) for literally HUNDREDS of years. “Some girls” don’t have “proper feelings” so can be ruthlessly used and heartlessly exterminated.
Poor Mia Wasikowska! I have admired her ever since In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne – she deserves better. That said, I have to admit a personal failing – Nicole Kidman’s frozen weirdness always gets my back up. I have been rolling my eyes over her rigidity since Cold Mountain.
Mostly I feel sorry for actors who are talked into limiting the range of their gifts by these visual directors who set out to make a cohesive, visually stunning objet d’art, not a complex story about humans. As proud professionals they know how to give the director what he wants, thereby betraying their actual abilities which could create something much more intriguing, provocative and mentally long-lasting.
I watch a fair amount of crime and it’s always entertaining for me to speculate about how people could have gotten away with it. In this case, easily with a modicum of adulthood & sanity which seemingly bores our first-time scriptwriter (Wentworth Miller) who needs to be more “in your face”. Too bad. But I did enjoy seeing it because I relish being given a puzzle mistakenly assembled – in my view. Then I have the mental fun of putting it together more effectively myself – an amusing occupation for a winter afternoon Ah.
God said, “Bring for the creeping things” It is you who are a creeping thing thinks Lord Julian Of his pasty priest, with the Underdone face.
Were he a fish I’d throw him back. Good thing his knees are flexible as his Scripture. The priest speaks Of dominion, something
His lordship understands. It means Possession without surrendering the Self. Power begs abuse. He’s the master, he alone
Understands that here. Necessity’s The chain that stops the dumb animal Straying. Lifting eyes to the Steepled trees he feels the boredom of fall
Fade into the dullness of winter. The animals would be fat Were any left – ripe for scissoring but He ripped too many out.
Life’s start and stop – a blood bath brings Renewal. These men could stand a wallowing. They await his pleasure with Lowered eyes.
His pleasure is not them. He needs Men glamorous as girls, hopes As high as fever but none Are to be found.
Like the animals, they are gone. Julian’s scarred hands twitch the reins – Each scar is named, he counts them proudly: Attempted usurpation
The burning brand, the bear that fought The dog that turned on him The boar defending young. Past pain surmounted
Makes him long for wounds – A cut so deep he looks into The creature’s eyes for Some sweet glimpse of freedom.
Lord Julian, the scorpion-hearted Scents a smell the dogs can’t follow – The jingling behind him should be men The silky shadow should be deer.
His horse afraid – the creature moves Too smooth – when he dismounts Avenger plummets off – now He’s alone in moss and slime.
This thing is stalking him! He sees it through the trees Smells hot stink – a tiger! What ghost is this?
The prickled hairs stood high – he threw His knife – a sailor’s trick but Useless. He saw boars Twelve deep, spirals snorting
Through their tusks. The trees Morphed into deer and every beast He’d ever killed surrounded him. Face forward in the muck
At least the mud was real. Fox feet pattered, the tiger whisked him With its ruff – he dreamed a lifetime Lying there – every friend a slight
And every promise broken. This dark that stops his ears is surely death. But when he stands it’s not hell he sees but Dripping swamp. The mare he kicked and drove
Now leads him home. His blood is dried But he must cleanse the blood of others. To be struck he understands, now he must Know what spared him.
Washerwomen lift their heads At his approach – they don’t recognize this man. Hiding faces not from fear but Some new glory.
(Scene 10 – The Deep Woods. DIGGER dragging, carrying, lifting PERSEY’s unconscious body into the trees. He stands guard, howling dramatically. The WOLF SPIRITS appear, nose her, cherish her, lift her, clean her with leaves. They dress her in a wolf skin, prop her up, and dance with her. She slowly comes to life, dancing like a Maenad with leaves in her hair. The WOLF SPIRITS pull back and PERSEY’s house opens up stage left where BABE stands waiting to greet DIGGER & PERSEY)
BABE Persey! What happened to you? (Looking disapprovingly at the litter of champagne bottles) This place is a mess!
PERSEY Jarod happened to me. I’m changed forever.
(Throws herself into a chair. DIGGER, thorns & thistles in his fur, settles down protectively beside her to clean his fur.)
BABE (Kicking an empty champagne bottle) You’re too old for wild parties. Time to act like the mother Of my future grandkids!
PERSEY I am nobody’s mother and I never will be, Babe. It’s over. Everything’s broken. Broken and lost.
BABE (Shrieking) Here’s the thanks I get for Giving you everything! I’m a sick woman! And you’re the one killing me!
(DIGGER leaps to his feet and bares his teeth. BABE halts her attack before physical violence)
PERSEY Roy murdered Bruce, Babe, He told me himself! Roy loves Jarod more than he’ll ever love me. I think he wishes he WAS Jarod Who’s probably a wife-killer. THAT’S your real family!
BABE (Forcing calm, sits down beside her) Oh, I see what went wrong. Persey, you must understand; Roy talks crazy sometimes But he never means it. It’s fun scaring girls. This is really YOUR fault. Admit, you love provoking him With dubious friendships.
PERSEY Why does the world need a scapegoat? None of this is my friend’s doing!
BABE Persey, set your heart At rest. I’ll prove to you Roy didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY How can you POSSIBLY do that?
BABE Because Roy IS Bruce.
(The WOLF SPIRITS howl. Portrait lights up. DIGGER sits up at attention.)
Everyone knows it but you! Don’t tell me YOU never figured it out!
PERSEY Now YOU’RE talking crazy, Babe! Bruce went to jail! A felon and rapist A cowardly bully.
BABE It’s YOUR fault I’m telling you. You chose college over Roy, You broke my poor boy’s heart. He was so angry at women At men who pretend He became dangerous. I lived in fear daily All because of you!
PERSEY I just don’t get it, Babe. What are you telling me? I know Bruce was born. You had twins – did you or didn’t you?
BABE I gave birth to twin boys While a child myself In a foreign country, don’t forget, With a shaky young marriage. I had no help at all. I tried so hard but I had no milk for twins. Roy was the weakest who Needed me most. Bruce seemed strong but died anyway – Roy’s father was furious! Our marriage Dead at that moment. There were two separate trust funds, Persey! The old ones didn’t need it. Wasting money is wrong!
PERSEY Let me get this straight. You PRETENDED Bruce was alive?
BABE It was a game at first, understand; A rainy-day joke! A beleaguered mother’s brave effort To turn frowns upside down. Without Roy’s father we needed the money! When Roy was bad, he was Bruce. When he behaved, he was Roy. But when he grew up he became Bruce all the time – Doing terrible things. It wasn’t my fault! I Couldn’t manage him and his Dad was ghosting us!
(She spits into a lace-trimmed handkerchief.)
Weak men run away! Don’t you see that, poor Persey? At least Roy is still here! We’re Lucky to have him!
(PERSEY covers her face. So BABE argues with the audience.)
BABE After my husband died, I saw so much Possibility. Second chances! We could Get rid of Bruce for once and for all. A beautiful ceremony – burying The things Bruce had broken. The costliest grave site With doves and balloons. Roy swore it was over. He promised GOD. When he forgets We go there to remind him.
PERSEY (Struggling to keep up) You’re saying Roy is the one…
BABE (Ignoring interruptions) I admit I made errors. These were Battlefield choices. When you’re a mother, Persey, You’ll understand. There’s SO MUCH regret. But How is Roy’s acting out my fault? YOU had abandoned him Saying you wanted OTHERS! Take responsibility, Persey! I’ve owned up to my part. Roy gave himself to you. He’s a one-woman man. You toyed with his heart, Chose COLLEGE over love! Of course he was angry. Of course he went crazy Bruce came back with a vengeance! You didn’t help MY life, I’ll tell you that. He offered you everything!
PERSEY Roy attacked and raped people? It was Roy who went to jail?
BABE When Roy went to prison it was a miracle I was so grateful we had A spare name to give him! Clever planning and foresight is what Breeds second chances. Young men founder with blotted Escutcheons! Jarod was SUCH A good friend; claiming Roy had been In his unit. When Roy was released Bruce could just vanish. But when Roy’s Unpredictable I MUST be Trustee. Increasing our holdings Made my son hate me more! We need to start over, Persey! This time you must help.
PERSEY (Slow, incredulous) Your son is a killer! I’ll have nothing to do with it!
BABE He only kills teases! Vermin and tramps! I thought I’d explained. You weren’t getting pregnant! You Forced Roy into testing, Questioned his virility! What man Accepts THAT? Now, this misery’s Behind us, if Brucie stays DEAD. Don’t rile Roy up! There’s the future to think about.
PERSEY (Launching to her feet) Why can’t you face truth? Your son is a murderer And Jarod is helping him! Roy murdered Jarod’s wife In some sort of pay off!’
BABE (Slaps PERSEY’s face hard.) Keep your voice down in my house! Don’t say this around Roy! Jarod’s keeping him safe! He’s the only man Roy can Look up to, or even respect. Boys need role models, don’t you see? To learn how to play! Jarod’s my hero.
PERSEY Your family is poisoned, Babe. Your “truth” is a lie.
(ROY’s voice offstage)
ROY We got him, Darlin’! We captured the guy!
BABE (Grabbing PERSEY’s arm) Don’t tell him you know! Roy will kill me, Persey I’m a sick woman!
PERSEY Babe, please understand. Only truth lets us breathe.
BABE (Pointing to the door) Get out! Get out of my house!
(Scene 9. Lights up on PERSEY House set where ROY & JAROD wrestle by firelight while the hot tub smokes suggestively and the eyes in the portrait track their movements. NED & PERSEY at the door. WOLF SPIRITS gather around and on top of the house, eyes blinking on & off. NED beckons JAROD aside, puts an arm around him – they exit together)
(PERSEY throws herself into ROY’s arms – he seems unresponsive)
ROY (Holding PERSEY at arm’s length) What did you do?
PERSEY (Still trying to connect with him) Oh, Roy, it was awful! Poor Stormee is dead!
ROY She was disloyal. Didn’t she deserve it?
PERSEY What do you mean? Jarod controlled her every move.
ROY Naw. I’m hearing she strayed. Seems there’s lots of that Going around.
(ROY pushes her away – DIGGER growls and poises for attack. ROY kicks at him. PERSEY orders him out of the house – DIGGER slinks away – to gather with the WOLF SPIRITS protecting the house. PERSEY thinks ROY just doesn’t understand.)
PERSEY I found her dead, Roy. Stormee’s been murdered.
ROY That’s not all you found, is it? Better stop lying!
PERSEY (Very offended) I’m not lying!
ROY Oh yeah? Weren’t you making kissy face With that snooping cop who’s harassing my mother?
PERSEY What are you talking about? I’m making “kissy face” With nobody but you!
ROY And then there’s that she-male You pal around with! What’s that about? Don’t my wishes mean anything? Those creatures spread sickness.
PERSEY Bish is my friend! YOU’RE covered with “Wrestling burns”, thanks to Jarod! What’s THAT about? I found Stormee the way you two wanted – And now I’ll have nightmares Forever and ever.
(Dispiritedly she undresses and climbs into hot tub)
ROY Welcome to reality, princess. I know you’re still hiding something! That cop’s got your number!
(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl without restraint – ROY snatches a shotgun out of the umbrella stand)
PERSEY Roy, for God’s sake! Who’s hiding from whom? That cop asked ME to find out If Bruce is really dead!
(Eyes move as portrait lights dramatically)
ROY Bruce? Of course Bruce is dead! I killed him myself! In a battle to the death There’s only one winner.
PERSEY You did not! You couldn’t have!
ROY That’s all the credit you give me! No wonder my buddies are thinking I’m de-balled, like your mutt! Nobody tames ME, Sweetmeat. And you know what else I’m gonna do? I’m going to shoot me a canine!
PERSEY DON’T YOU DARE!
(Marches to the door where he almost runs into JAROD who is wheeling a case of champagne on a dolly)
JAROD Whoa, buddy! Where are you headed?
(Wrestles shotgun away, dumps it) This party just started!
ROY Aren’t I your alibi?
JAROD Hell no! DNA! They got a condom Overflowing with man juice!
ROY Where’d they get that, I wonder?
JAROD You ought to know! Don’t you trust me, ol’ buddy? Everything’s Fixed. They got a culprit! We’re partyin’ here.
ROY Hear that, Persey? They caught the guy that did Stormee!
JAROD First, capture the love juice, then String the guy up.
(WOLF SPIRITS & DIGGER howl)
Man, you’ve got a wolf problem.
ROY I know! Let’s go hunting!
JAROD You kidding me?
ROY Party first, fireworks after!
(He shakes up a bottle of champagne and shoots it at ROY. ROY, dripping, grabs a bottle to shoot at JAROD. Merriment – not shared by PERSEY)
PERSEY I take it we’re celebrating Your instant divorce?
JAROD (Kneeling by the hot tub) Birthday champagne for you, Persey. Primo stuff. Some people die Some people get born. The party goes on. Word on the street is You like champagne.
PERSEY You know nothing about What I love and hate.
ROY This Champagne’s Persey’s favorite. She uses a glass, though.
(He exits. JAROD leans over, looking suggestively into the water)
JAROD Looking for company?
PERSEY (Flicking water on him) No. Go away.
(JAROD strips down, slides in, clutching his champagne bottle.)
JAROD Can’t dampen the drowned, darlin’. I’m ALWAYS all in.
(He starts climbing in – PERSEY turns her back on him, tries to climb out – he stops her)
Have a heart, Persey. You’re being mean To a heartbroken widower.
PERSEY You better get your hands off me Before Roy sees you.
JAROD Sweet cheeks This was ALL his idea.
(ROY appears with champagne glass and kneels on PERSEY’s other side)
ROY Here you go, cupcake’. Fertility meds served up in Baccarat Just how you like ‘em.
(He holds her jaw, pours champagne in her mouth. PERSEY tries to get out, they both hold her down.)
Not so fast, hon. It’s past time to make babies.
(PERSEY begins to thrash wildly)
JAROD Don’t waste energy, Persey. Two against one.
Act 3 Scene 8 (The forest outside JAROD’s house. PERSEY is dragging DIGGER along by his collar.)
PERSEY
DIGGER! I need you! What the heck is your problem?
(DIGGER is doing everything he can to stall and resist. TREES surge, rustle, threaten. WOLVES howl.)
Are you scared of coyotes? I thought they were your friends.
(DIGGER covers his ears with his paws and cowers.) I’m ashamed of you. Such a scaredy cat!
(Bossy mother)
They’re more afraid of you Than you are of them. We trespass in THEIR forest. Ssssh! Hear them talking? Maybe if we listen We‘ll understand their secret.
(Calls softly)
Cookie, Monica, Jean, Mina and Jo Lee … DaToy and Mary Louise… Jane and John Doe…
(The TREES moan and shiver their leaves)
See? They’re helpers, not haters! Believe me, a forest is safer Than most strangers are! Native Americans say The trees are our home.
(Eyes appear glittering between the trees. DIGGER and PERSEY react fearfully. PERSEY tries to master her fear to be brave for DIGGER)
Cookie, Monica, Jean, Mina, DaToy and Jo Lee, Jane and John Are you there? (The eyes turn into beautiful women wearing wolf heads; the WOLF SPIRITS.)
WOLF SPIRITS (Sing) Welcome to The Forest…the center of life… Holds the mystery of death.
(They dance with DIGGER and PERSEY who are at first frightened and awkward, then ecstatic & surrendering. One Spirit gives PERSEY a gift. Then slowly they pull back into the dancing trees. DIGGER wants to go with them but PERSEY jerks him back)
PERSEY Digger, I need you to stay with me now. Did you see them? So many – I never expected …
(DIGGER waves his tail sadly at the departing WOLF SPIRITS. PERSEY studies her gift…a hairclip with a hair extension attached.)
I’ve seen this before. (Falls to her knees) This is Stormee’s. Now I’m REALLY scared.
(At last DIGGER alerts. Sniffs the clip and commences racing around. Finds more bloodied “evidence” to lay at PERSEY’s feet. STORMEE emerges from the trees looking different – scary yet exalted. Her dress is a mass of red streamers. She dances, then collapses gracefully in a heap – PERSEY finds the body – scream – light out.)
(NED the cop exits; having to push vines aside. DIGGER runs out between his legs to dance with his friends. PERSEY throws herself on sofa, dials phone. Cell phone rings on BISH making his way through audience. Ring tone is Strangers In Paradise.)
BISH Persey! You’re just the person!
(He leans on an audience chair arm, settling down for a nice chat.) What’s up?
PERSEY You’ll never believe what happened!
BISH I can’t wait to hear! And I‘ve got news of my own. I… Met some special someone.
PERSEY Well, this is incredible! We’ll have to celebrate! That cop came here… The cop I told you about…
BISH Oh, the wordsmith? Persey, don’t we want action?
PERSEY He doesn’t think Roy’s brother Really is dead!
BISH Persey, how bizarre!
PERSEY Turns out Bruce was a rapist Who served four years in jail Then he vanished. But his fingerprints turned up At my woodland crime scene!
BISH Oooo PERSEY I’m shivering! It’s so sick what you’re saying!
PERSEY If BRUCE is alive…
(She hesitates with a shocking realization)
BISH Persey! What? Tell me.
PERSEY Roy would kill him. Remember that portrait?
(The Portrait lights up & participates, the little boys writhe like spirits in hell)
BISH That you said he’d destroy?
PERSEY He says he’s keeping it To remind him that Bruce Can never hurt him again.
BISH Oooo Persey, your husband Is so full of surprises.
PERSEY Wait. I’m getting a call. It’s Roy. Gotta go. Talk about your crush next time?
BISH Hard to compete with a family like yours. My life was SO unexciting till I met Mr. Right Now!
PERSEY Bish! Hasta Manana!
(Lights off on BISH who perambulates along his way, Lights up on ROY and JAROD lounging together at the side of the theatre)
PERSEY Hi, hon. What can I do for you?
ROY Puddin’, Jarod and I need you To check up on Stormee. She was coming for lunch but She never showed and her phone Has gone dead.
PERSEY Oh, Roy…
(Writhing – she just LOATHES STORMEE)
Can’t Jarod go look?
JAROD (Taking the phone) Sweetmeat, we’re stuck here. Payin’ the bill. Gotta Get back to work. You’re close by. I’m … concerned.
(Wheedling)
Won’t you do this one little thing For your favorite guys?
PERSEY (Totally furious at hearing from JAROD) Fine. Tell Roy I love him.
JAROD Oh, we know, sugartits. Believe me, we know.
(The men giggle conspiratorially and lean together. Lights off.)
Scene 7 (Later. PERSEY’s house. She wears cleaning overall and carries duster & spray can. NED the cop in plain clothes knocks at the door. She’s surprised to see him.)
NED (Very relaxed, strides in carrying folders) Some place you’ve got here. Looks like your help has help.
PERSEY We’re do-it-yourselfers. Um…how can I assist?
NED Ready to work? (Shakes the folders at her)
PERSEY I am working.
NED This is real work, Not playing house. Aren’t you supposed to be My confidential Informant? Saw your husband depart so figured Now’s a good time. Keepin’ it downlow. How about coffee?
PERSEY (She looks appalled but can’t think how to get out of this. DIGGER lifts an uninterested head and goes back to sleep.) Um…sure.
(She wanders out. NED strides around the room, looking at everything. Scratches DIGGER behind ears, Pokes into things, wanders up to the portrait, which glares at him)
NED Whoa, Nellie!
(PERSEY returns sans housecoat & duster, bearing a tray of coffee. NED gestures at the portrait)
NED This is quite something.
PERSEY Yes, isn’t it? (She pours)
NED That’s a lot of knives. Your husband’s a collector?
PERSEY Boys love toys. Sugar? Cream?
NED I could use something sweet. One of those painted kids is Your man, I presume?
PERSEY (Sitting down – she’s had it with that portrait) That’s what they say. But no one knows which.
NED (Confident) Sure. One is a felon and the other Married you. Think that wouldn’t show?
PERSEY A felon?
NED (Less certain) Nobody told you?
PERSEY Bruce went to jail?
NED The guy was a rapist. (He opens file) He served four years.
PERSEY My God!
NED That’s my question, in fact. There’s a gravesite and obituary… But I can’t find a certificate.
PERSEY Let me see.
(He hands her the file – contents projected on walls. Disturbing newspaper articles, black and white photos)
I was worlds away in college Roy was in the army. I never met Bruce. Babe– she’s my mother-in-law Says Bruce killed himself.
NED Suicide never makes obits. Family shame – there’s the rub. Good coffee by the way. You like it strong, just like I do. Most people can’t handle that. (Studied calm) So you think something’s funny About Bruce’s demise?
PERSEY For the first time that seems likely. A handsome young man, With his own trust fund, A bully who adored showing others his power. Suddenly he has an actual motive for offing himself.
NED (His turn to be disbelieving) Family shame, you are thinking? Some sense of remorse?
PERSEY I know his mom pretty well. Rape she could cover. But prison…
NED Mom’s OK with rape?
PERSEY She’s a tad narcissistic.
NED Ah. Would you say that it’s possible… That Bruce is alive?
(WOLVES howl. DIGGER lifts his head and joins in. NED catches PERSEY’s cup as PERSEY drops it)
PERSEY JESUS!
(DIGGER goes to window – all excited.)
It’s those coyotes. I’m afraid Digger’s in love with them.
NED Hey, we all envy the wild. Sorry I upset you.
PERSEY (Filled with revulsion and distaste) Bruce CAN’T be alive. . If he is alive, then where is he? Roy says that he’s dead and He couldn’t fool Roy. Roy hated his brother but now He’s been set free. He replaced Bruce with Jarod who Gives him esteem. Not even their mother Keeps that kind of secret.
NED Work with me here. Let’s imagine – Just for argument – Bruce was paid to vanish and The money ran out. What would he do?
PERSEY (Cynically) The money NEVER runs out.
NED Wow. If you say so!
PERSEY Roy’s mom isn’t clever And she’s not really subtle. I can read between HER lines. She acts like something’s missing That Roy took away. Bruce’s death explains that.
NED You think your husband Murdered his brother?
PERSEY What is it with everyone? That’s NOT what I think!
NED But somebody does?
PERSEY One thing’s guaranteed; If Bruce is alive, Roy knows nothing about it.
NED (Gentle irony) So, in your case the wife Is the first one to know? Your husband can’t lie? Kudos to both of you.
PERSEY I know my own husband! YOUR marriages didn’t take So, what do YOU know? Bruce was Roy’s twin! It’s a special relationship.
NED Would you say he loved his brother?
PERSEY Hated him. Bruce was the favorite. Roy never came into his own Till his brother died. But if he thought for a moment that Bruce could appear…he’d act totally different. I just know it.
NED You’re pretty confident In your ability to read people.
PERSEY I can read THESE people.
NED Kudos to ME picking Confidential Informants.
PERSEY (She fears he is mocking her but he’s very straight faced.) So, what is it you want Me to do for you exactly?
NED Get me a death certificate.
PERSEY This was supposed to concern Jarod!
NED I say what this concerns. That’s how this thing works. You’re a better authority On this family than on Gunver.
PERSEY (She just hates this job) Well, Babe is a packrat and Bruce’s room is a shrine. Her house is a castle. I could look for it there. Or… I could ask her.
NED I’d appreciate it. She won’t return calls.
(PERSEY rises as if to show him out but NED sits like a log. He not going anywhere.)
PERSEY (A bit desperately) Why Bruce? And why now?
NED His fingerprints turned up Recall that pink shoe in the woods?
PERSEY Really? You’re kidding!
NED Who knows how long A fingerprint lasts? Still – There’s no coincidences Only new patterns. Bruce gets out of jail… Disappears – bodies appear. They say Rapists who serve time Stop leaving witnesses.
(WOLVES howl. Now DIGGER wants to go out.)
PERSEY (To DIGGER) You lie down!
(DIGGER plays dead)
(To NED)
But that’s horrible!
NED Horrible’s my job. How long have you had This feral dog problem?
PERSEY There isn’t a problem! If Digger’s friends choose to go feral We can respect that.
NED You promise to help me?
PERSEY (Pacing, trying not to panic) You’re looking in the wrong place.
NED What makes you think so?
PERSEY (Determinedly) MY suspect’s a cop, that’s why You’ll never see it.
(NED leans forward)
NED Jarod’s got no criminal jacket. He isn’t good for this. The question is Why your husband has bad taste in friends. Gunver physically violent That you personally know of?
PERSEY He brags about hurting prisoners. The whole street’s afraid of him. He and Stormee fight constantly.
NED He’s got no complaints.
PERSEY It’s a rigged system!
NED This is circular reasoning.
PERSEY He’s a parasite!
NED Parasites don’t kill. If they know what is good for them. You’re emotionally involved.
PERSEY And that cancels evidence?
NED Hey, everyone’s suspect. I promised to study it.
PERSEY (Points to the folders he hasn’t opened) So, what’s that doing here? Those extra files?
NED Oh. You wanted those names. Of the missing.
(WOLVES emerge howling and gather around house.)
Sounds like…they’re singing.
PERSEY Wouldn’t we all if we could?
NED You mean feel one with nature?
PERSEY Dance with the trees.
(She whirls. THE WOLF-SPIRITS stand up as humans with wolf heads & masks)
NED In our dreams!
(Words & photos projected on walls. Names.)
WOLF SPIRITS (Eerie chanting) Cookie Louise, Monica Falkin, Jean Jane McComber, Ernie “DaToy”, Jo Lee Ann Jeffries, Miss Mina Ha, Jane Does 1 through Jane Doe 4, John Doe 1,2,3.
PERSEY Can I keep these?
NED Do you want them?
PERSEY Names are important. I’d like to study them.
NED The murderer didn’t care who they were.
PERSEY I think he killed them because of Who they were becoming.
(The TREES send protective vines over the house; DIGGER howls)
NED That’s an eerie effect! Really makes you shiver.
(PERSEY opens the door and looks out pointedly)
How about your name – Persey. Where did that come from?
(PERSEY & BISH finish their yoga with a good gossip when – unexpectedly – ROY, PERSEY’S husband – who hates BISH – comes home)
BISH But I have no playmate As you cruelly point out. (Sighs)
PERSEY Sorry. (Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY Cupcake! I’m home! Where the hellz is my baby?
(PERSEY & BISH galvanize. He picks up scattered clothes and rushes, dripping, to change behind a screen. DIGGER lifts a head to show some interest. PERSEY jumps back in the hot tub. ROY appears.)
PERSEY Just chillaxing.
ROY I’m down with that! (Strips and jumps in with her)
PERSEY I thought you were with Babe.
ROY Dumped her at the depot. She can Uber home.
PERSEY Roy, you didn’t! She just had back surgery!
ROY She wouldn’t stop bitchin’. You know how she gets. Hey, what’s with the bathing suit? (Trying to disrobe her)
PERSEY Sometimes…if I’m alone
ROY I got dibs on this body!
(Kissing and fondling her. PERSEY frantically signaling over his head to BISH who’s crawling towards the door, DIGGER following him with much interest. ROY suddenly sniffs the air)
ROY Has that she-male been here?
PERSEY Roy! Bish is my friend!
ROY If society had smarts we’d Exterminate those guys. Mixed-up sexes Don’t know WHAT they are.
(PERSEY tries to muffle him with kisses)
PERSEY Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.
ROY I do mean it. Queers are just trash people. Who wants a world Where men forget to be male?
PERSEY Would they stop knifing and shooting?
(A panicked BISH makes a dash for it, drops a shirt. DIGGER barks, picks up the shirt, returns to the fire to mouth it)
ROY What’s up with that dog? He’s chewing up something… Better not be mine!
(A lone WOLF howls)
PERSEY (Climbing on his lap trying to interest him in sex) It’s a dishrag I gave him. Want to fool around? Or would you like a beer?
ROY That dog better Stay out of my stuff, I’m warning you.
(Shouting over PERSEY’s shoulder to DIGGER)
I’ll put that dog down! Where he belongs!
(DIGGER attacks the shirt more aggressively – ROY makes a move to leap out of the tub – PERSEY grabs remote to light portrait – it looks right at ROY – WOLVES’ Chorus)
ROY Fuck me!
(ROY appears gobsmacked. Lights off on PERSEY house, up on shirtless BISH putting shoes on at the side of the stage. JAROD – ROY’S cop friend – approaches, hails him. They began to tango.)
JAROD Hel-lo sugar! What have we here?
BISH Didn’t know you were interested.
JAROD Call me a collector. Sampling anything new. What’s on offer?
BISH Why settle for anything When you can have Everything?
Scene 6 (PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH Your breath! Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY (Gasping) Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s Been…shot.
BISH But your sleeping swan’s A thing of beauty and A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY (Huffing and puffing) Stuck in my gut.
BISH No ego.
PERSEY No ego.
BISH And hold…. Flirt with your edge. Find your power – Soften… Release… Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH Now Corpse Pose Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY That’s an easy one! Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH When I’m old and You’re wrinkly. (She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH (Looks around and whispers) So… I’m intuiting Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance Just a trifle?
PERSEY (Hands him his drink) Which vigilance is that?
BISH The vigilance that’s scared to death Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad. I like having a man I know can defend me.
BISH It’s the lure of fascism, darling. No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY Oh, shush. Shriek like a train whistle if The spirit moves you. Roy And his mother are Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave. I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH Surprising they spend So much time together Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY Hate’s love to some people. She’s hard to take, but Some of us have to. I feel kind of sorry for her. She makes her own misery.
BISH But don’t we love drama? I envy you Persey! What fun you folks have! Scarify me with tales Of Legendary Dead Brother. So what made poor Bruce Suicide himself?
PERSEY You can’t get a straight story Out of that woman. On her bad days He was murdered.
BISH MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY The suspects keep changing. It’s a very strange family.
BISH But there’s only the two of them! I suppose they fill out the crowd With personal demons!
PERSEY Babe resurrects Bruce Whenever she needs him. And now we’ve got Jarod Shoehorning his way in.
BISH But Jarod takes Roy’s side! Can’t you appreciate? It makes the sides even.
PERSEY I guess a strange Family ‘s better than no family at all. Which was where I came in.
BISH Or none we’ll admit to. We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained! If folks insist on emoting Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY Speaking of corpse pose, Digger found a skeleton!
BISH An actual dead person?
PERSEY Bones. Old remains in the woods. But scary enough! (Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH (Sips drink…reacts…likes) What’s your Glamorous Nazi Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY Silly! I’d never tell Roy! Roy warns me NEVER to Walk in the woods.
BISH Did you notify Jarod The Law? (Sighs ecstatically) Jarod the Beautiful Jarod the Sex Cop? Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed By someone like HIM! “DON’T rough me up, officer! I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY Jarod’s not beautiful! He’s spoiled like bad meat. He’s bewitched my poor Roy. Like some substitute twin.
BISH If you’re keeping secrets I won’t breathe a word. But that Jarod’s man-jelly In search of a sandwich. I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY You think EVERYBODY Swings EVERY way.
BISH Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY Jarod looks out For just Jarod only. Did I tell you He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY Oh, she’s impossible. She LOOVES Jarod. I tell Roy if he’ not careful He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH Persey, how delightful! Your life is so complicated! So, that skeleton’s still out there Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop Of my own. Aren’t you always Saying, Get out Persey, Embrace new experience!
BISH Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY Oh, Bish, I DID. He’s a very nice cop and I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH Oh, my God Persey! Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of. You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed! You’ve surpassed Teacher. No longer a poor, trembly princess Locked alone in her tower. So, dish about cop! Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY Our attraction’s cerebral. He’s a puzzle maven. He Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY (Thoughtfully) I do respect men Who know how to talk.
BISH Which is why you love me. So, what secrets Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY That I suspect Jarod!
BISH Oh, Persey, You’re just jealous ‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY You don’t know Jarod like I do. He’s always bragging About doing folks down.
BISH I’m warning you girly – Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH I do love a good monster. Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY That Jarod’s a weasel! A weasel who’s dirty. He fixed every traffic ticket Roy ever had.
BISH Persey, you’re watching WAY too much television!
PERSEY What if Jarod’s a serial killer? Digger absolutely loathes him (DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth) And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY Try to keep up! My cop friend just told me There’s MULTIPLE body parts Dumped in that forest. People go missing In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH Multiple body parts? How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY Poor Bish! Nobody cares For the vulnerable So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH What kind of people? MY kind of people?
PERSEY OUR kind of people. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
BISH Passing through HERE? Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you Woods-walking either!
PERSEY Yeah but I’m not a victim. Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH Oh, look in a mirror! Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey. If Jarod’s so machiavellian He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY He’s a sadist, poor Bish. You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH Suddenly we’re a fourgy! Roy’s jealous of ME And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH Persey – much as I love you …Adorable as you are… You’re not my type.
PERSEY He knows WE talk about Things I can’t say to HIM. He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH Doesn’t everyone? Roy tells his Man Buddy Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY Dumb stuff, probably. Things like Guns, knives and wars. You know they dressed a deer In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH You mean they UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY Jarod brings out Roy’s Worst side. Imposture, Pretense – Loads of sick Macho crap.
BISH Well…a LITTLE imposture – And a soupçon of crap – Can be very alluring.
PERSEY It ISN’T! I loathe poseurs!
BISH Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are Dependent on posing or we’d get No partners at ALL! So far Roy’s uncooperative With your civilizing pressure? Hmm…wonder why… With a mother like that?
PERSEY It’s just because poor Roy was so Tormented by his only brother.
BISH He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY He has a starved, hungry ego. But he’s an angel to me.
BISH You call me too-trusting? Never trust anyone With so many rules. Who needs knives and guns When he’s got silver spoons? He could accept the real US If he put his head right.
PERSEY He’s getting there, I swear it. If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH You’re boring me, Persey. Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH Aaaah….
PERSEY (Lifting pile of towels and whispering) Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH THAT was refreshing. For someone.
PERSEY (Mopping up frantically with towels) Roy just hates it When Digs makes a mess!
BISH See what I mean? Stop running and jumping And twitching for him!
PERSEY Oh, hush. You’d cater adoringly To somebody special.
BISH Below the belt, that one! I can’t like my best friend locked up As a baby machine.
PERSEY Roy doesn’t want children! He can’t share me with a dog! That’s just Mama’s nagging. Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH Who’s posing now? Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY It’s a state secret, Bish – You can’t ever tell!
Scene 4 (PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5 (The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY There’s a skeleton Around here somewhere, officer.
NED (Skeptically) That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY Are you even a detective? I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED “Open Unsolved”. I’m all that there is.
PERSEY You sound defeated. On the verge of retirement?
NED Hell no, lady. Never. Too many cold cases. I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY Sounds like a death wish.
NED It’s a life wish. I love my work.
PERSEY Searching for … skeletons?
NED Solving puzzles. Perfecting antennae. Following undercurrents Right to their source. (He kicks the leaves) Where’d you unearth This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY It’s around here someplace. It was Digger who found it. (Kneels to talk to DIGGER) Remember those bones, boy? Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY I know he speaks wolf.
NED Wolf?
PERSEY Wolves howl at him and He howls right back.
NED No wolves around here.
PERSEY Coyotes, then. Coywolves. Something’s howling. I’ve seen ‘em.
NED Feral dogs more likely. Tame goes wild more often Than the other way round.
PERSEY You’re argumentative.
NED I respect facts When assembling theory. Dogs taste the outdoors And they never go back.
PERSEY Just like some people. Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one. Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY So, what special skills Do puzzle mavens require?
NED Pattern recognition. Patterns are everything; The basis of speech Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED What you got there, boy? (DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED This what you saw?
PERSEY Definitely not. Bones! Digger! Skeleton! Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED (Might be bragging – just a bit) Wouldn’t be the first corpse Located hereabouts.
PERSEY No! How many were there?
NED (With relish) Multiple body dumps. Arms, legs, Torsos. So many go missing.
PERSEY Jarod was right!
NED You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY You know him?
NED (Evasive: suddenly circumspect) Well…he’s a cop. So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thin blue line.
NED Very thin.
PERSEY Power shields power. I know all about it. He’s my husband’s best friend. Claims to be “expert” but Usually wrong. He’s Wrong about everything. I’m surprised he spoke truth about Forests of corpses.
NED You don’t like him.
PERSEY I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED He talks police business?
PERSEY If he thinks he’s impressing! That he’s smarter than anyone! He collects slaves — “Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins” That’s his motto. He’s got lots of followers – Information’s his currency – Bragging and scaring – Trying to frighten – “Don’t walk in the woods!” He LOVES scaring women.
NED (Being The Cop) What did he tell you?
PERSEY “Boy girls come to bad ends”. He really hates anyone Who isn’t his slave. Roy envies his power – I ignored him. Till I found that skeleton.
NED He’s out of line. Information comes in Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY (Pointedly) I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY Men always say that.
NED Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY But investigation’s exciting!
NED You find my work exciting?
PERSEY I don’t know about puzzles But I favor the truth There’s the real power – Knowing what happened.
NED Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY Who’s alive and who’s dead Who’s a demon pretending – Who’s a monster despoiling; only Mimicking life.
NED (He gets right to the point) You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY I’m not willing to hang around him Long enough to find out.
NED Here’s what I know – We’re all demonic In our own special way.
PERSEY Speak for yourself.
NED If these woods shelter corpses How come you’re still here?
PERSEY ‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive. Trees can’t hurt you. These woods are a temple – A Most Sacred Place. Stupid people think they’re nowhere It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY Oh Digger! You frustrating dog!
NED (Snatches at the silk) Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee Dropped her pants in the woods. Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED (Places his find in an evidence bag) Meow! Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY Over Misty. Under Stormee.
NED What’s the number of wives Jarod is up to? Never mustered more Than two wives, myself. I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY You know what I want! Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY Jarod sheds wives seasonally Like the snake that he is.
NED So what are you doing when You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY Reading and thinking. I sit on my deck and Gaze into the trees.
NED Sounds relaxing. She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY Do your missing have names?
NED Eh?
PERSEY You said there’s so many. Don’t these missing Have names?
NED Everyone has names. Monikers, nicknames Aliases Given names, borrowed names Street names – Disguises; red herrings; Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY So many lost women!
NED Didn’t say they were women. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
PERSEY Passing through HERE?
NED Or somebody brought them. Along for the ride.
PERSEY Why does nobody know?
NED “High risk victims”. It’s a way Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY (Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous) I knew you could do it! Smart dog! Who’s a puppy As clever as beautiful? Digger is! I’ll say!
NED Wish I got that much attention For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY Probably should. He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
Now we need forensics, a search team of Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY (Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs) REAL sniffer dogs? That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED (Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head) Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED Sorry, no. There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY Paperwork, ugh! Nothing doing. My husband never likes me Getting involved.
NED But you are involved, now. Aren’t you?
PERSEY Can’t I be secret? A secret informant? After all, who needs to know? Maybe Jarod’s the killer! I’ll tell all about Jarod. Just keep ME a secret.
NED Even informants have paperwork. You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer? There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY Do we have a deal?
NED OK, I’ll bite. I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY Sure, you take the credit. Digger prefers backrubs.
NED What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY He brags about killing. About his “justified kills” He’s cold and he’s fake Looks for every advantage. He likes people’s suffering. He says he kills people As part of his job.
NED I heartily doubt it. Undercover’s a whole different ethos But word gets around.
PERSEY The man lies like he breathes.
NED Those guys specialize in Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY How about you?
NED I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY Drinkers and braggers Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED I’m interested in all you can tell me. We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY Solving puzzles – Making theories! Sounds Deliciously different. Now I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
Alysse Aallyn 