Alysse Aallyn

Category: Self-Sabotage

  • Sleeping Orchid – Creative Boot Camp for Sensitives & Empaths with Alysse Aallyn

    Doubt – Regret

      Stop Second-Guessing – Something’s bothering you. Do you lie awake at night recalling bad moments from the past? Doubt – Regret sabotages you from moving forward. From experimenting. This archetype says you need tackle the problem of “change” NOW. What moods flood in when you close your eyes? What would you change NOW? How do you WANT to change?

      Why are People So Afraid of Looking Inside their Psyches? Because of Regret, that’s why. The things we’ve already done or that we already are that can never be changed. Sorrow floods in – now we feel helpless, we hate ourselves and we can’t fix anything. We fear we are in for a bad, cold, frigid winter of discontent.

      Lighten Your Load – No one can do this but you. You are serving as prosecutor against your own life and guess what? – that’s not fair. Fundamental Attribution Error means people blaming individuals for actions that were the result of mass decisions or life circumstances over which they had no actual control. Look into it, if you want to. (Sometimes we need to.) Or you can just forgive yourself and move on. After all, we’ve got the future to think of. Creativity won’t be stymied.

      Creative Challenge – First, forgive yourself. You were held hostage by fortune (we all were) and inevitably you went full-on Stockholm Syndrome and identified with your attackers and tried to please them. (We all did. It’s called Society.) Now you’re madder at yourself than you are at them. Forgive yourself.

      Creative Danger – The moment you drop that burden, you’re in another part of the forest. Surprise! This wasn’t the plan but here you are. The Danger is – you’ll give up. Don’t. NEVER GIVING UP IS THE CREATIVE’S SUPERPOWER. We CREATE paths where none existed. You can easily see from every fairy tale and hero’s journey you’ve ever studied that now we’re getting to the Good Part. By testing your muscle you get to grow your muscle. If your muscle is never tested, it withers. So get ready.

      Creative Opportunity – We don’t know everything. Even Jesus demonstrated surprise about the way things turned out. Be gentle as a dove, he advised, but wily as a serpent. Serpents can get out of anything. (Ask a herpetologist.) And so can you. It’s just a bigger world than we knew – both inner and outer – so get mapping. I guarantee you – IT GETS BETTER.

      YOUR Superpower: You feel too deeply, that’s how you got into this snarl, but guess what? It’s a super power. Our brains are constructed in a way that allows us to move backward and forward through time, watching and judging ourselves from the outside, always considering multiple possibilities, outcomes and problems. We have a tendency to regard this power as a burden and envy those whose lack of questioning seems to make them more carefree. But it is this exact superpower that designates us as Creatives.

      Even When We Enjoy We Regret: There’s always something we could have done differently. And that unknown outcome is bound to seem preferable to the reality in which we find ourselves. Don’t waste time on regret. You drew the “Regret” archetype to remind you that time – even pleasurable time – is always limited. Restrict the amount of time you spend on regret! Congratulate yourself on your ability to play a multi-level game, forward and backward through time, peopled by a panoply of characters. Open up your Training Journal and take a God’s eye view of your world. See anything different? Fresh? Exciting? New?

      There’s Lots to Enjoy About Beginning! You’re going to surprise yourself. It’s never – ending! The world is freshening up and so can you.

      Models & Mentors – “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than the things I haven’t done.”
      – Lucille Ball

      “There are no regrets in life, only lessons.” – Jennifer Aniston

      “We have only one life, and the second life begins the moment we realize that fact” – Confucius

      “I was designed by my Creator to not only feel pain and love but to become whole inside it. I am a Creative” –Glennon Doyle

      “Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile” – William Cullen Bryant

      Haiku: Regret

      Coulda
      Woulda
      Shoulda
      Didn’t. Now you
      Wish
      Things
      Different.
      Clean slate.
      Write.

    1. Butterfly Language for Caterpillars – walking the path of attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      Recovery = REBIRTH “In the Hour of Our Death”

      “If you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, no one else will.”

      Several times on your path you will feel the need to “re-boot” and start over. “Rebirth” is available to us any time, following a period of reflection, retreat and re-centering.

      “Recovery” begins to happen we manage to repel a demonic force that kept us in thrall – addiction, illusion, corruption, compulsive behavior; even a poisonous culture. Sometimes, we were hostage to another human being who didn’t have our best interests at heart.

      What ARE our best interests? As our brains begin to clear we begin to understand. Ernest Hemingway used to say we are “stronger at the broken places” and Nietzsche expressed it as “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” but obviously these maxims only hold true if a complete healing has taken place.

      Complete healing provides peace as well as joy. We give thanks that we have started on the journey.


      Second Chances – Expect to stumble. Watching toddlers try to “rise and walk” we must consider what a good thing it is that they don’t mind being laughed at. (In fact, they love it.) It takes them quite awhile to figure out this new challenge. Like beginning skiers, they cling to objects, sway exaggeratedly back and forth, slam into others, and plop down SPLAT; not just once or twice but over and over. In fact the toddler hasn’t been born who suddenly vaults up suavely and starts swanning around in a sophisticated manner.

      And those are the ones with no impediment to walking – watched hungrily by the less fortunate who only wish they could be blessed with this magical opportunity to make public fools of themselves.

      Once we take in the meaning of these facts we embrace the last step of Recovery: “Expect to go splat.” Of course we don’t WANT to – fingers crossed – it’s dangerous and bruising. We’d better arrange to have someone around – just in case. But you don’t fail unless you refuse to rise again. Don’t even bother counting the times you were “brave”. It’s only the “getting back up” that counts. As long as you’re doing that, you’re a true winner.

      As we study ourselves with a desire to put our best foot forward we are increasingly overwhelmed with despair. This old self won’t do. We are the club no one wants to join; us included.

      We have to ask ourselves if part of our desire for the Other is a longing to be rid of Self. But how is this to be accomplished, when we know that any relationship built on fakery must surely fail. How can a New Self be the Real One?

      Fortunately, there is a model for this in the recovery movement – legions of people giving up self-destructive habits and birthing a fresh new self. They say the relief is glorious, everything is more meaningful as their confidence grows. We want some of that. We must abjure all the behavior that have caused us suffering in the past. What are they, exactly? Let’s identify and enhance the wonderful things about us, the self we want to keep.

      And in the Hour of Our Death

      I am wind sucked
      The tempest starts without me
      Scuttled like a leaf


      I loose your hand
      My words come fire
      My blood blasts forth


      And vomits out
      This darkness
      Some god commands


      I push
      I flee – I won’t be born –
      I push


      And then relax.
      It can’t happen all at once.
      The corpses dance


      The trees devour their own roots
      I’m spat like pulp
      I push –


      I’ve gone too far
      To get back now.
      I’ve lost your cord


      Threaded in the frenzy
      That is life.
      My lips are ceremonies


      My hips are burial grounds.
      Silence rushes in to bear me up and I explode
      To atoms.


      What is this new lightness?
      Into this furnace of stars
      I collapse my burdens like


      A house of cards, I soar, I flirt
      My strength
      Is limitless


      My soul, my life
      An infinite caress.

    2. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      REGRET feeds DOUBT

        As soon as we begin refining our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside.

        Cloverleaf


        Some roads lead nowhere;
        They’re my favorites.
        I held my breath while
        You drew my face in
        Blinding strokes
        Creamed my mouth with curling lines
        Destroyed one picture; then another
        Never let me see. You
        Left at dawn while I
        Ran in circles, calling
        Raging, spending blackened
        Nights without you,
        No blue thigh to guard
        My trusting heart while yours looks out
        To gauge the coming storm.
        Trapped in cloverleaves,
        Sentenced to school by
        Streams of angry judges –
        Balked by
         The enervating past
        Of unlived lives
        Every face I paint is yours.
        Open up the chilly ruffles
        Of my breasts
        One more time –
        To beauty; yours and mine
        Electrify your
        Eldritch spine –
         Your body so much lighter
        Than the mountain that you loved
        Better than you loved me –
         The course you learned
        Better than you learned me – so
        Overconfident that
         you’ll come back
        I float across the powdered snow
        In bird-winged silence
        All-enveloping
        Unless I’m
        Lost?

        Lost and frozen like your heart?