
#Haiku: Playing Telephone
I quested
You bested.
I texted
You sexted.
You ghosted
I roasted

#Haiku: Playing Telephone
I quested
You bested.
I texted
You sexted.
You ghosted
I roasted

Chapter 6 –
Alt-Mirabel
To be around Verne
Was to feel
Too many emotions at once –
I almost don’t want to remember them.
Depression, disgust, anger,
Amazement.
Safe to say
I’m not “alt-Mirabel”
And never will be.
When my journey began it’s true
I vaguely envied Mirabel
Enjoyed imagining
The Perfect Life –
How delicious doing only
What you want!
Some relief to feel above it all!
But now I saw her slavery.
Still conundrums proliferate.
How and where had Mirabel
Learned to pretend so effectively?
Had she studied foxing Mom and Dad and
Turned it into outwitting this
Aristocratic partial-wit?
He who declared that;
Thesis, antithesis
Synthesis – so, if I’m not Mirabel
I must be her opposite.
His definition for rivalry.
Girlfight!
Naturally that explains
Why he tried to kiss me.
What can The Real Richenda say to
A man so uninterested in her existence?
“I’m changing,” I said abruptly.
“Getting out of this idiotic dress.”
“The car’s downstairs,” said Verne.
“You don’t have time.
He’ll take us where she went.”
“Go without me,”
I said. “I’m changing.”
A clash of wills;
How did I know he wouldn’t?
I joined them downstairs
Wearing my oldest jeans and my Three Mad Cats
T-shirt -turned out Mirabel had gone to
Brooklyn, apparently – it seemed a long, long way.
The driver was unhelpful – Mirabel’d said nothing and
He was a glum fellow taken for
Himself. We halted in the warehouse district.
Verne coaxed him to wait while we stepped out of the car.
Pessimism was back.
“Nothing here. I hoped she’d get sloppy.”
I had my own ideas.
Looking for the “other man”
Verne forgot the critical
Importance of staging areas; or perhaps
He never knew – maybe he’s
The kind of guy who thinks
Women awake made up for him
.
Behind one of these doors could there be a place
Where she changed from one facade to the next –
But they were all unlabeled –
No numbers, no doorbells,
Broken-looking speaker units.
Impossible to tell.
But the psychic bond persisted.
I was beginning to get a sense of her –
Inhaled like faint perfume –
My confidence conferred a heady power.
I wasn’t alt-Mirabel
But I did feel I knew her
Better than he did;
I’d seen her just beginning
Before she polished up her act
And took it on the road.
The question was never –
When did Mirabel get so wily? I felt
She’d always been this way – but
Now I wondered;
Had her plans EVER
Included us?
“Maybe she met another car,”
Verne offered,
“Parked somewhere out of sight.”
That nemesis of his again – he preferred
A universe of dastard rivals.
We savored the possibility.
The night was silent.
“Well, who?” I asked.
Verne sighed.
“One chance left,” he said. “Humiliation, but
What have I got to lose?”
I think he had already lost it
But said nothing.
Looking him up and down
I wondered idly how many on this planet –
Four fifths? Two thirds?
Would trade places with this guy.
My mother’s drill-sergeant voice snapped
Inside my head, demanding he “buck up.”
He gave the driver an address on the Upper East Side
And we settled in for another
Lengthy ride.
“So…where are we going?”
“Mirabel had a job – personal assistant to…
This man and they
Were friends. Too close for me.
He might know something.”
“Was he invited to the wedding?”
Inquire I. Ingenuously.
“No. His wife thought they
Were too close too. Let’s say I thought
He dismissed her with
An overly generous gift.”
Aha. Torn between rich men,
And only one of them
Unmarried.
Picture becoming clearer.
Verne drummed his fingers,
Grim but seeming cheered.
“She might be there. If we take him by surprise.”
His eyes raked me over.
“You were smart to change.
Sorry for rushing you.
Button up your coat. I want to
Push you front and center.”
I understood he
Prepared to use the
Adolescence; familial relationship
So recently forgotten –
He had the nerve to congratulate me
For dressing down to
Young and vulnerable.
Really they deserved each other.
“He won’t care
About me – I’m just the jilted bridegroom –
I’m sure she complained about me to him
Just as she complained to me about him – but
He’ll be interested in you.”
Hmm. Yes. Abandoned sister.
The suburbs were dull but the city’s
Charm now seemed theatrical; everyone required
To play roles.
Hilariously, both these men
Would look to me for clues to who
Mirabel had been.
At another golden barracks
The doorman demanded the
Purpose of our visit.
Verne said, “Emergency.”
He flashed a picture
From his phone. “Seen this girl tonight?”
The man shook his head, consulting his service phone.
“Penthouse Suite. Mr. Kruptupian will see you now.”

“Where would she go?
You must have some
Guy in mind?”
Verne looked so childish, shoulders collapsed,
Unresponsive iPhone fallen to the floor.
I was not going to mother him.
I felt sorry for him but I also
Fel everything was his own damn fault
How could such a lucky man
Wealthy and free
So mismanage his own life?
Suddenly my dream was
Magically achieved; I felt
Old; sophisticated;
Like HE was fourteen and
I was thirty-seven.
I pushed coffee.
It’s always been my
Panacea.
He sipped in new docility.
“Black. The way I like it.”
I corrected brusquely,
“There is no cream or sugar.”
“It’s mean strong. I need it
To fight back.”
I wish he’d stop raising these
Disturbing concepts –
Was that what he liked about me?
How was that possible when
He hated it about Mirabel?
Maybe he was trying to apologize.
I muted.
He studied me ironically.
“Will you tell The Folks?”
Mirabel’s word for them.
Felt a chill.
How explain this to the world?
Did I finally have
Something to write about for my break essay –
I could rush home
To my life as a
Powerless teenage nobody.
“We don’t know what
Happened.” At the very least we should
Figure out what the hell
Was going on. It’s true that Verne
Seemed a loose cannon now but
I could always lock my door.
Grab that bull by his
You Know Where.
“No more kissing. OK?”
He flushed a dirty red.
“No. Hell no.
I’m sorry.”
“Maybe she’s in trouble.”
He shrugged this off.
“Impossible. She’s just a tease.”
This did not feel right.
If she could get out of her depth with Verne she could
Certainly do it with other men.
Plenty going on am
I am curious.
I was slowly realizing that
Because Verne was Verne he MIGHT
Always be the last to know.
“You really think she’s left you?”
He writhed. “We played the hurt game
To the top of our bent This could
Be her winning shot.”
What was the score?
Why inject me?
Did she owe me or –
Did I owe her? I said,
“If she left you
She left me, too.”
Why couldn’t I believe
That Mirabel would ghost me?
Wasn’t that what she’d always done?
But it was different now –
We’d been “sisters” together –
For one split second.
Fresh chills fevered me –
Was she handing off her bridegroom?
The matching dresses were just too weird.
On the other hand, fashion is transgressive;
Always trying to break the rules.
No. no. Can’t go there.
“Until Mirabel calls it off
It’s on. This could be nothing.
She might come back.
She’ll call. Sleep on it. Have some
Lemon cake.” He shuddered. Grumpy.
“I asked for Hazelnut.”
I easily imagined a Mirabel
Blocking his desires.
He settled for coconut
Companionably we ate together.
He’d fed me, now I fed him.
That’s called a relationship.
Then he fixed me with
A gnarly eye.
“Did she warn you?
What did she tell you?
Did she say anything
About HIM?”
I always hated third degree.
I blush as if I’m guilty.
“She told me nothing,”
I said coldly. “I
“Was invited to a wedding.”
“She’ll never call,” he moaned.
“She’ll keep the tension up
Until the victim dies. That’s her way.”
“Then you should call it off.”
I scraped the rest of my cake
Into the trash – I only
Like the frosting – and
Hardened myself against their
Nuptial craziness.
Verne rose so decisively
His plate fell to the rug.
“I’m going to find her,”
“Game on. She chose me. She doesn’t get
Another choice.”
What was the matter with this man?
Physically attractive –
Wealthy – powerful –
So insecure?
The only game with players is REFUSE TO PLAY.
Mirabel had always coveted those
She could manipulate. But
Did I know that of my own
Knowledge – how could I – or
Did my parents prompt me?
That’s the thing about growing up –
It slowly dawns on you that
All you’re told is nonsense.
A dose of sense is
Obviously required.
“I think you’re looking at this wrong,
Mirabel’s frightened
Of our dad. He’s the “other man.”
Verne gaped at me,
His focus readjusting as if
He saw me for the first time.
“Explain.”
“Don’t you know the story?
She pretended to go to college but really cashed all
Daddy’s checks and lived the high life.
She got in trouble with the student loan people,
Forging documents. We haven’t heard from her for
Six years. Dad’s still angry.
I thought something was up when
She wanted to come home.”
“I didn’t know. Quite little scamp.”
He seemed cheered.
“Think we should wed in church?
I don’t know one marriage that’s survived ten years.”
This man could certainly surprise me.
“Mom and Dad have been married FOREVER,”
Worse than that –
Unimaginable without each other;
A true team – like Laurel & Hardy or
Abbott & Costello.
I could imagine no other human
Puting up with either of them.
How to convey this?
“Maybe you shouldn’t get married
When you are so uncertain,” I suggested.
Would I get kissed or
Slapped for interfering?
Adults don’t like to second-guess but
Mirabel forced my hand.
“All our bridges burned,”
He sighed.
“The only way is forward.”
Depressing thought.
Keeping up this guy’s mood is work.
“Let’s figure out where she
Could have possibly gone. Like,
How would she travel?”
Verne sat straight up.
“Car service,” he announced.
“I pay the bills. We can track her.”
He worked his phone.
“I’m so glad
“You’re staying. I need you.
You’re Alt-Mirabel.”

“I’m a vegetarian,” I said.
And pushed my plate away.
“A vegetarian who eats turtles?”
He challenged me.
“I was trying to be polite.”
And now I’d stopped.
Saw no reason to continue the game.
“Americans think food fuss
Makes them interesting,”
He snarled. But it turned out
His disgust was not for me.
“Oh, imagine that,”
snorted his Lordship scornfully,
Talking to his phone.
“We’re on our own,
Mirabel can’t make it.
And now her phone is locked!
We’ll see about that!
I’m ordering the car. Time to find out just what
This bride is playing at.”
Chapter 5 – Unavoidably Detained
She must have known he’d come
After her – the apartment was empty.
Of course she wasn’t there.
Furniture gazed at me
Forlornly as I wandered through
Expensive accommodations crying out
For individuality and life.
The closets were still packed but
Some of her clothes and luggage
Could have been gone
How would I know?
The bathrooms were still littered with cosmetics –
Everything replaceable.
In the long, bare white kitchen I
Started a pot of coffee.
The refrigerator was particularly sad: champagne,
A month’s supply of celery juice.
And three kinds of wedding cake in origami boxes.
Mirabel must have returned – however briefly –
Because someone drank the last of my wine.
Her dress lay discarded on the floor
One flounce torn
And stepped on,
Ground beneath a fleeing heel.
When the coffee was ready
I sampled the cake –
I pick lemon though
Everyone likes coconut and
Some people are partial to
Chocolate raspberry.
Found Verne collapsed in the bedroom,
Clutching Mirabel’s dress.
“I didn’t believe she’d really do it,”
He said. “I suppose the wedding’s off.”
“Maybe she had an errand,”
I proposed stupidly.
“She’ll be back.”
I bundled the fantasy garment
Back into its slick bag; a glittering
Promise too fragile to stand up to actual wear.
“Don’t you see what’s happened?”
demanded Verne,
Trying to recruit me on his case
“She doesn’t want to marry me. She
Probably she never did. All along
There’s been this game. Some another man;
I know it. Using me as leverage.”
Was this the double life he’d mentioned?
Crazy stuff. No way could he get me to sorrow
Over postponed parties;
I saw plenty of reasons not to marry Lord Verne
And in case I was likely to forget, he demonstrated more.
He sat on the bed and
Reached out his arms, clearly thinking
I would pet his shoulders
Or at the very least, kiss his hair
But chose not to comfort him.
I preferred to get some facts.
“Who?” I demanded. Sadly,
Both of them were bad at facts.
He held his head.
“There were so many.”
I came up with my most
Comforting message;
“Of course she’ll return.
“Or why on earth invite me here?”
But a terrible possibility began to niggle in my brain.
He certainly was suspicious of her
So probably watched her
Like a hawk. What if the whole wedding –
And my presence – was only to allow escape?
It was so thoughtless and cruel I knew nobody I dared
Explain it to; but it also sounded just like her;
The Mirabel who pretended to go to college,
To have diseases,
To be in jail; All to wrest
Advantage from the poor old folks.
What would she care about me?
Verne turned to me a tear-stained face –
I was amazed – and just
As I was thinking he couldn’t be a rapist –
Grabbed my shoulders and
Sucked me into a kiss.
The real “adult” kiss I’d pined for
Fantasized about and mimed
On all those lonely nights
After Ricky Stoekels ghosted me
Couldn’t be THIS one –
A full body penetration –
A probing grasping invasion
Shutting off my air.
I jerked away with so much force
I landed on the floor.
Verne threw himself
On the bed, face down
Wracked with sobs
While I wiped my face
Stunned.
“Love the one you’re with”
Isn’t that what Ricky Stoekels says?
“She cheats, you cheat?”
I hope all men aren’t
All bastards.
“Forgive me,” shuddered Verne,
“I’m out of my mind.
I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Maybe. I recognize excuses.
I’ve used them.
“Don’t do it again,” I said.
He said, “You’re so like her”
Which was an insult at this point.
I could stomp away, go home –
Explain to a mother trying desperately
To make it all my fault
Or I could find out about my sister’s life.
“Where would she go?
You must have some
Guy in mind?”

Mirabel’s been hard to pin down lately.
Then suddenly she changed. This marriage idea.”
Did he blush or blanch? I couldn’t
See clearly in the darkening light but
His throat trembled raw
With pent emotion.
My face must have betrayed
My distaste
Because he hurried to explain.
“She’s been trying to
Talk me into seeing her family.
A wedding to erase her
Great Silence. I thought we were
Two avatars alone. I imagined
A woman to stand with me against the world.”
How rich, I thought, literally,
For a man with a title based on family
To disown that very concept.
But to quarrel seemed
Perfidious, and once again,
The youngest person in the room
I was silenced and shamed.
He leaned back in his chair
As beef wellington arrived.
“I’m amazed you existed, frankly.
I thought the little sister
Was another of her stories.
Kudos to your parents.”
I stared nauseated
At beef wellington –
Perhaps I’m vegan after all.
This party made me gag.
“I’m so glad you’re you,
Just like her but so
Unspoiled.”
Never had a compliment
Felt more like an insult.
What kind of talk was this from
A prospective groom?
And any idea that my parents “made” me
Is creepy and revolting.
“Mirabel and I are opposites,” I stressed
Too angrily before I considered.
“How can THAT be?”
He was smug. Superior.
I schooled him.
“She cares what others think and
I just don’t.”
That should have stopped him but –
It didn’t. He smiled
Indulgently.
“Sisterhood is powerful.
I see she’s got “the drop”
On me,” he emphasized the slang
Like any English lord raised on
American movies.
Unable to be me;
Unable to read him,
Know him, change him.
Is this the dawning of
Despair? It makes me hate
The grown-up world.

We were silent in the elevator.
Feeling naked
I clutched the fur I’d borrowed
Summoning up the nerve for
Questions but
Mirabel’s mood seemed depressed.
Encumbered, perhaps?
With me? With Verne?
With family – obligation –
Tradition – without her help
I couldn’t map it out.
“When did he propose?”
My query’s girlish gaucheness echoed
Off the shiny doors
That bent our reflected beauty so
Unflatteringly we seemed
Haunted.
“It’s not when he proposed,” she said
“It’s when I accepted. He
Proposed the first night I met him –
Five years ago.
Said he’d marry me
If I’d change from blonde to red.’”
Wow. I didn’t know what to say
To that except
Why was he never in her pictures?
What shame could there be?
“Was it a secret?”
“He hates the press – it
Treats him so unfairly in his own country –
And he wants me to himself. I was so unready –
Seeing other people,
Savoring my options.”
We nodded at the doorman
And the driver of
The waiting limo –
“He slowly won me over.
He was so suave, so
International. Adoring.”
She let me climb in first,
Then backed away as if she’d seen a ghost.
“I forgot something. Tell Verne I’ll be along.”
The car swept away, leaving Mirabel
Huddled alone, by the curb in her mink coat.
Chapter 4 – Cocktailing
Had I been played?
It’s what you do to children.
I couldn’t shuck the memory of
My own mother through the years –
Lofty & deceitful –
Briskly turning “road trip” turned into
“Summer camp” and “one night”
Into seven.
I hated being “managed”, but really
Who could blame Mirabel?
Quoting Mom: “Guests must
Be adaptable, obliging – a guest has
No one to blame but herself
For her bad treatment.”
Was it something I’d said? Or
Something I’d done?
Or simply one more humiliation as
Baby sister. Why did she keep throwing me
Alone together with this man?
Did I want to get to know him?
I wanted to get to know HER.
The driver helped me out of the car
And I saw his frank expression.
Another stunner. It was
Admiration. I looked too good. I
Was too tall. Had I insulted the bride
By overreaching?
I blame the heels – when
I towered over her –
She must have hated it.
She’d gone back to reposition –
To pivot, as they say,
While Verne sat in comfort at the bar.
He rose at the sight of me and once again
I saw that face. Tribute
To my manufactured beauty and yet
I saw the calculation – was he
Managing me too?
Naturally, he’d have to be –
They had a goal of some kind
Inviting me here –
Weaseling their way back into the
Famiglia, the family that gave up on them
For whatever purpose.
He seemed satisfied that
I was alone –
The arm that contained me
Was decidedly un-brotherly:
Squiring me away from his
Desultory conversation –
He didn’t bother to introduce me.
He enjoyed them seeing he was meeting
Some strange woman.
“Let’s get you dinner.”
Anything better than a bar
That looked me over as if
I was some Russian call girl.
As we turned I was confronted
By the mirrors: I looked like
Some Russian call girl.
Can I blame champagne, allowing
Mirabel to paint me up?
Or the society that wants –
Expects me to look this way.
None of this is my fault.
I said in my best-guest manner,
“Should we wait for Mirabel?”
He demurred.
“Waiting for Mirabel’s never a good idea.
Putting yourself out only encourages her.”
He snuck an angry glance at his phone
As the headwaiter flashing menus
Manhandled us
Towards a darkened booth.
Perhaps this engagement was far too long –
Were they tired of each other already?
“Turtle soup’s very good here,”
Said Verne: I longed to claim
To be a vegan but also yearned
To sample everything.
Sucked my water greedily
As a martini-bearing waiter
Assessed me so attentively.
“A Virgin Mary?”
Verne seemed startled but
The more knowledgeable waiter sped away.
“Without the vodka.”
He seemed relieved.
“Something Mirabel said let me
Feared you were religious.”
It was too complex to enlighten him.
Famiglia’s religious but
I’m free choice. I’ve yet
To make up my mind about
A lot of things. Switched it up.
“What kind of ceremony will you have?”
He seemed stunned as if I’d proposed
Barbarian rites, then vague.
“Some judge. A ballroom.”
Shrugged his shoulders.
“Mirabel says you proposed
First night you met.”
He laughed sharply.
“I was young and stupid.”
Well THAT was tough to follow up.
Could both be afflicted with
Cold feet? But Verne could
Switch it up as well.
“I recognize the signs,” he said.
“What signs are those?”
Struggling to regain my footing.
“Mirabel can be very shattering, can’t she?”
I shrugged, dismissed
Disloyalty, opting for
Vagueness. As he did.
“Life comes at us so fast.”
“I tried to free her from the life,” said Verne.
“I don’t believe she’ll really let me.”
Which life was that?
This was depressing – my parents hoping
For good news, find a bride and groom stuck
In mutual complaining.
“Mirabel proposed to me.”
He said coldly. “It’s the title.
They all do that.
She was no virgin when I met her.”
I was stung on her behalf – who wants his
Moth-eaten old royalty?
And what cretin expects
Virgins among New York models?
“She said she accepted
The proposal you’d made long ago.
And you said yes!”
My Virgin Mary was
Too spicy to be truly virginal. I
Almost choked.
Sipping slowly to wonder
If I liked it. Doesn’t hot sauce
Wreck your palate?
As the waiter manifested a fresh martini,
I assessed Verne’s subtle desire
To put me in the “wrong”.
Lack of breeding?
Was my hair not red enough?
Too bad for him –
I am well used to disapproval.
“Mirabel said you like red hair,”
I teased him.
“I wanted her natural color –
Yours, I assume?”
Who could say?
My memory was of long ago.
“I think people should make themselves,”
I defended, arguing
Too fiercely.
Soup arrived, bread slathered with
Mozzarella, pesto & tomato. Mini-pizzas!
I sighed ecstatically and felt from him
An answering thaw.
“When you inherit an ancient world,”
He pontificated, “you learn to value the past.”
“So you have a castle?”
I asked through my full mouth.
Turtle soup OK. Too much sherry for my taste
Or was that stuff curry?
Are turtles seafood? Just like my sister
I got a bored “I do.”
He checked his phone.
“It’s a bit of a ruin with tourists crawling
Everywhere. Mirabel doesn’t care for it.”
Phone again. Was Mirabel texting?
I studied mine to be
Companionable. My folks again.
Always, with the questions.
“She’s not answering,” he sighed.
We’re not as attractive as
Her double life.”
This gave me a jolt.
“She has a double life?”
“Probably triplicate by now.”
He snorted.
I tried my father’s ploy.
Get ‘em talking.
“Why don’t you just tell me about it?”

Chapter 3 – The Lost Sister
I realized with horror that
I was going to cry.
Seemed I’d never expected
To actually see her
She was a scam – a myth –
Like so many ones
She pleasured to perpetrate
On our poor parents.
“Darling!” Threw her skinny arms out
And kissed the air.
“You escaped!
You’re all grown up!”
She was shorter than me now –
A tiny person-
How I laughed.
Laughed with relief –
Suddenly I was initiated into
Her exclusive club
Two of us against the world
Superiority & sisterhood.
She’d always known – none better
How difficult parents are.
They didn’t need me to protect them
Running my own modest scams
To engineer breathing room
Took all the help I could get.
Could it be time for Mirabel and me
To grow up together?
I’d have a New York City sister –
Married to a lord
Providing escape anytime.
Mirabel tossed Verne a burning look –
“Get us drinks?”
And dragged me –
Literally DRAGGED me –
Into a double-doored bedroom where she
Swept me down upon the white flokati rug
And gazed deeply in my eyes.
I felt a bit of a hostage at that point
To tell you the truth.
She seemed more desperate for ME –
A nobody fourteen year old –
Than I was for her.
How could this be Mirabel?
So much smaller than my memory –
Disappearing before my eyes in fact,
Running away
As she had seemed to do
The whole of my existence –
Shoulders folding together
Over her knees –
Dress size diminishing
Smaller, ever smaller.
How could this tiny thing
Ever strut a catwalk?
Blondness was history
She was a redhead now.
She caught me staring at her scarred
Upper lip and covered it
With a gesture I recalled
As if moving her hand fast enough
I wouldn’t see it. “Too many
Piercings gone haywire,” she explained.
Apologizing to me
For the ruin
Of her beauty.
Something rattled at our door – Mirabel called –
“We’re naked!”
Pulled me into giggles –
“Leave it outside!”
She covered my mouth and signaled with
Humongous eyes –
Crawling to the door she –
Peeked out low –
Pulled in a
Champagne bucket and a pair of flutes.
My face must have showed
Surprise at his exclusion; but
She said: “Grooms get in the WAY
Of weddings! No one wants them!”
She lifted an unsteady
Rock-wearing hand to toast –
“Men! You know! They want to
Decide everything but weddings are the
Bride’s-” She gasped and gagged
As if from desert thirst – as if
She’d never had such wine.
“You can’t think what pleasure it is
Finally getting rid of him – too much
Togetherness destroys
The hardiest relationship.”
I sipped sedately, even though
The brew frothed my sinus
Parked burning foam
Behind my eyes.
How COULD this be Mirabel?
The way she looked at me –
Something stank of
Imposture and deceit.
I just can’t say –
I’m far too new –
It’s just too weird.
She was my sister and yet not.
She leaned too close to
Touch my hair.
“They should have named you
Maribel so we’d be twins.”
The door opened and Verne stood over us
Looked reproving as
Mirabel fell away.
But he was mild enough
Laying dress bags on the bed.
He winked and
Then was gone
Door slightly left ajar –
Pointedly, I thought –
Mirabel closed it with her foot,
Called, “See you at dinner!”
I felt sorry for the poor groom –
Then we heard the outer door slam and
Mirabel unzipped bags briskly after
Topping off her glass with
Vodka from a bottle by the bed.
“Bad champagne,” she excused herself,
“In Europe, babies drink this stuff.”
I studied the bottle –
Beau Joie Brut Special Cuvée –
“Brute” champagne
Sharpened me like
Winter air when you can
See farther, fly further
Or think that you can.
Mirabel offered her bottle.
“No thanks.”
And drained her tulip glass
And spoke my words.
”You’ve changed,” she commented.
Did I drink vodka at eight years old?
I said, “So have you.”
“My hair hated being blonde.”
“Is he really a lord?”
Mirabel rolled her eyes.
“Unfortunately.” At my surprise she added –
“It’s a cruel trick if
You can’t do anything you want.”
Shrugged.
“At least the restaurants like it.”
“And you’ll be –“
“Lady Verne.”
Unexcited at the prospect.
Opposite of what
Old Mirabel would have thought
She followed the doings & undoings of
European princelings in
Vogue magazine.
I probed deeper.
“You just met?”
“God no, we’ve been together FOREVER –
And only now we tie the knot. But you!”
She spun me all around.
“You’re so tall! And thin!”
I found myself apologizing.
“I can’t stop eating –
“I must grow so fast because I eat
Whatever I can find.”
“After the wedding,”
Mirabel promised
“We’ll do a purge.”
Sounds like a great honeymoon
I thought but didn’t say.
She was not making out a
Great campaign for aristocracy &
Marriage.
“Think you’d fit a four?”
The dress she flourished was pale gold,
A fairytale gown with an endlessly flounced
Puffy skirt. My gasp
Relaxed her. And she smiled.
Most beautiful dress I’d ever seen.
“Let’s find out!” I
Almost dropped my wineglass in
Excitement. Rapidly
Stripped to totally unsightly sports bra
And cartoon briefs.
I knew we’d try on clothes
But I owned no decent lingerie.
“Can’t wear a bra,” said Mirabel.
“You don’t need one anyway.
I’ll cinch you in.”
She gazed too long at my sad breasts
A man’s gaze I thought –
This dress had ribbons for corset strings
and Mirabel cinched me tight.
“There!” The mirror exposed a stranger.
I was a new person.
“A little short, maybe” said Mirabel,
“With the right shoes…”
From the closet she threw out flats.
Disappointing – but –
Bridesmaid shouldn’t tower over bride!
Maid of honor harnessing
The clashing egos!
In weird familial telepathy
Mirabel said,
“Princess Richenda
To the Dark Tower came.
Just like in the
Tarot cards.”
In the mirror
I admired my nude
Beribboned back.
“How about your dress?”
“You’ve seen it.”
It was like the breath went out of her.
She tossed it out – they were identical.
How could that be?
Wasn’t that too strange?
I was gobsmacked –
Never heard of bride and bridesmaid
Wearing the same dress –
Think of the confusing pictures –
People getting entirely
Wrong ideas.
Sounds like bad luck-
Guaranteeing
The groom will see the gown
Before they’re hitched
If you believe in that sort of thing.
Mirabel’s dress was
Smaller – size “zero” –
Competitive,
Combative Mirabel.
She knocked my phone right out of my hand –
“No pictures till the wedding.”
Her pressured speech rushed on –
“We’ve got to dress for dinner.”
She checked her phone.
“What will you wear?”
I looked embarrassed at my
Corduroy skirt
Discarded like a
Shriveled carapace along the floor.
Mirabel threw open mirrored
Doors to reveal another bedroom –
This one stocked with girlish stuff.
“This room is yours -”
She told me –
“He’s staying at The Stanhope.”
I blushed – I don’t know why
He’d called it “his” place –
And these closets were packed
With Mirabel clothes so
Where did I fit in?
My sister unbound my dress –
I’m not used to
Clothes that need assistants.
“You can borrow anything.”
Tossed out a slinky gown green with
Scales that matched my eyes
Still with price tags –
I’d never had a dress this costly.
No bra here either –
I dangerously chose heels that made me
Six feet tall – but Mirabel
Didn’t seem to mind –
She gave me smoky eye, nude mouth and
Emerald glitter.
“Verne hates lipstick.”
But she wore plenty –
Cherry red to match her dress –
I felt lucky anyway
To be transformed.
Now I was an impostor too.
“He’s waiting at the Stanhope Bar.”

He reached for my bag
Kissed the top of my forehead –
Doubtless drinking in
Sweat, hairspray, foundation;
“Richenda?”
Pronouncing it “Richendor”-
English accents are so cool.
“Recognized you immediately. You’re
Just like Mirabel. Maybe it’s
The dark glasses – always dodging
Paparazzi.”
I felt helpless rapture as if
He flattered me when all it meant
Was that Mirabel wanted to hide and yet
Remain superior in just the way I’d
Fantasized. I did some obscure
Need to argue –
I’m an arguer –
But taking “compliments”
Is the better part I know.
But usually people said how unalike we were
Snow White and Rose Red.
“Er, thanks,” sounds so ungracious and
“What happened to Mirabel?”
Downright rude.
I said it anyway.
He batted at it briskly.
“Unavoidably detained.”
Swept me and bag away from the escalator
Clogged with ordinaries –
Down the platform
“We’ll take the elevator to the car service.”
Actually, it was a limo.
The driver rushed to fondle my
Pathetic flowered bag. Couldn’t parse whether he
And this mystery man
Knew each other – casual hire? or
Permanent position? Hard to know.
“You’re the fiancé?” I stuttered out.
Worse and worse! Country cousin
Morphing into bumpkin sister.
He seemed surprised.
“So sorry,” he bundled me into the limo,
“My excuse is wedding nerves.
Meet the family!
Philip Valerian. Everyone calls me
Verne.” Now I was
Laughing and I couldn’t stop.
“Mom thought your name was Rupert Golden!”
Verne didn’t see the amusement.
“Must be some other swain,” he huffed.
Was I
Getting Mirabel in trouble?
Would she thank me?
What kind of fiancé
Hates to hear his glamor girl
Has been around?
“I guess we all have wedding nerves.”
He was jumpy,
Fingers drumming on one knee.
What a relief to turn away
Make what brain-meat I could of the street outside.
Writing my own story
In which he was smoother, easier,
Less knotty and complex.
New York City! Kubla Khan!
But everything was dark and dingy
Until Fifth Avenue; there a
Nonstop parade of glittery storefronts
And entitled shoppers
Promised trousseaux and makeovers and
Glamorous fun!
The limo stopped at the dress designer
Questrina,
And the driver stepped out of the car.
A woman rushed through the double doors offering
two glossy green dress bags in outstretched hands-
Driver swept them into the trunk and we were off again.
“Your dresses,” explained Verne.
My excitement dulled to confusion &
Disappointment –
Bait and switch:
I should have known.
“I thought Mirabel and I
Would choose our dresses -“
“Oh, there’ll be lots for you to do.”
I’m surprised he didn’t offer a
Lolly to distract me.
“Here we are,” said the would-be groom.
“At my place.”
A skyscraper on Fifth Avenue?
Shiny red doorman
Rushed the curb. “Your lordship.”
I thought my ears were ringing.
Was I hearing right?
Should have watched that damn Downtown Abbey
Or whatever it was called –
My oldsters begged me to
Watch with them
Instead of proudly sequestering my anime anger.
Could he really have a title?
Do they still give those out?
We were alone for a looooong 43 floor ride.
Under sallow yellow
Lighting he seemed
Depressed – was it me or
Or approaching Mirabel?
If only I could read minds! Then
Gold enameled door opened and
There stood my sister.

Chapter 2 – @Valerian
Once Mom had exited
I fell contentedly into
Wondering:
Who would Mirabel be now?
When I turned ten
I followed her face &
Body through
Inter-space but in
Three long years
But there’s been nothing to see.
I fully comprehend
That shiny airbrushed people
Don’t resemble that really. But
Mirabel was always gorgeous;
Swimming through some
Different air; her
Huge eyes and Roman nose teased & promising
Cavernous depths of soul.
We all want to believe that beautiful people
Get everything they want out of life;
Otherwise what’s the point –
Yet the Mirabel I’d known
Deliberately evaded us;
Abjuring the fold
Unless needing something.
At eight years old I had learned
She was a mysterious gift-giver
Like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy
In whom it would be unwise to
Believe.
So, as my train slid into the darkness
Of Grand Central tunnel I texted the number
They gave me with “Train on time” &
Happiness emoji.
Of course I wanted to delete it
Immediately;
But as the sole bridesmaid –
Wasn’t I
The real Maid of Honor?
Obligated to planning
If not excitement but
No response from Mirabel.
Someone called
“@Valerian” tweeted: “I’m meeting you.
M. otherwise occupied as usual.
Look for red hunting coat.”
Who was Valerian? Where was Mirabel?
Did fiancé have charge of her phone?
Possibly he cloned it;
My friend Derek does that.
Forced fresh perspective:
If parents had known
There wasn’t a Mirabel
Would they let me come?
That was the emotion Mirabel engendered
I well remembered –
She was a genius at
Preparing the faithful –
“Softening us up”
For future hard times.
This means never forthrightly
Telling those Inconvenient truths.
As the train lurched to stop I vaulted upwards
Greeting myself in the
Mirroring windows. The girl
“Valerian” would see
Passable in gray skirt, shiny thigh high
Pink leather boots, subtly highlighted
Nut brown hair. Nothing to compete
With Mirabel’s blond goddess-hood.
Free from Mom’s diminishing thumb
I could exaggerate my eyes –
Outline my cheekbones
Use lips to suggest
Goddess potential all my own.
The sight of my made-up face
Makes me feel hopeful.
I didn’t answer that text:
Stranger-Danger ever-present;
If I didn’t like the look of him
I could Uber myself –
Once I knew where I was going.
I bet on my chances;
There were other girls on this train –
I had a hat and sunglasses
I’ve been melting into crowds
Once I learned how to walk.
Problem; my idiot mother
Sent pictures
Proud as she was –
Cross-eyed in her fearfulness –
If he was the one trying to
Friend me –
He’d already seen me grow up.
Ugh!
How the past follows us!
Tortures us; cramping our style!
How I long to be known
Yet forever undiscovered
Wild virginal territory
The better to project myself
Into the brains of others –
Ultimate Observer.
I’m aware
It makes no damn sense
To wish for admiration and
A the same time
Disappear – could it be
We’re all the stalkers of our dreams?
Threw diary, book, magazine
Into my capacious carpet-bag –
Diaries take one
Only so far –
Scribble scribble
Ratcheting up while
Tamping down
All the sharp points of life.
Fell rather than walked
Down ungainly steps and My God
There he was-
Guarding the escalators, in his famous
Red coat.
Mirabel would NEVER come
Way down here
“To the tracks” –
Hoi polloi, déclassé –
But this sharp face looked eager
Gladdening to see me.
Was he
A sight for eyes too young to be sore?
Tall physique; you’d say
“Distinguished,” but
Foreign looking, really, in spite of
American jeans and that red down parka.
The closer I got the more
Startlingly handsome appeared
That knife-planed face –
Curly undisciplined black hair –
Couldn’t stare long because
He grinned at the sight of me.
No possibility of escape –
Nor desire really
Wasn’t this more fun
Than forging some raw
Uncomfortable relation with
The long-lost sister?

What could excite the most
Boring of Mothers?
Lacking hypothesis –
Unshouldered my headphones–
Grateful because
Geometry’s a notorious paralytic –
Playing the
More interesting
Guessing game.
“We won Powerball?”
“Your sister! Your
sister’s coming home!
To get MARRIED!”
Invisible Mirabel –
ten years my elder
Unseen lo these
Eight years at least.
I barely remember her.
Lifetimes ago.
“Why?”
Mom – never invited in –
Unable to break my force-field
Leaned against my door.
Thin edge of the wedge
Is an article of her religion.
“It’s all forgiven.
Making up for the past.”
Who can make up for the past?
Especially when they’re so busy making UP
The past.
Mirabel just wants a free wedding.
Mirabel was ALWAYS
Always always always
About the money.
That much I DO remember.
“Who’s she marrying?”
“I think his name –
Something like Rupert Golden.” Said mother –
“I couldn’t ask her to wait while I got a pen.
Said she’d send details. She’s so fussy about
Snoopers.”
Everyone loathes snoopers, I thought because
Everyone loves to snoop.
It’s addictive.
People usually won’t
Reveal themselves without help. What
Mirabel really hates is
Accountability.
I know it –
We’re all that way at first till
Forced to grow out of it –
Taking our medicine;
Surviving
Tongue-lashings
Dressings-down,
Bad grades –
Teachers who hate you
Disappointing boyfriends
Etc. etc. etc.
Most of us move on.
“Rupert Golden sounds so unreal,” was my
Only contribution.
Mom gave me her
“Like you’re the expert” face.
But fourteen year olds DO
Know everything.
Then we start to forget because
We’re distractible.
Mother sighed gustily –
Almost obscene – I
Looked away, politely
Embarrassed for her. She said;
“We’ll be a whole family again
First time in – ages.”
Just so Mirabel can leave us
One final time, I thought –
Cynical me.
It’s all coming back to me.
Attuning to Mirabel – she’s the one
Who made me so cynical –
Looking for groupies –
“Murble”
I called her
When learning to speak,
She was my dazzlement,
Goddess of my
Dappled infancy.
Parents may be incomprehensible and
Downright nonsensical.
Caring only for appearances –
Pretense
Our manse is
Copacetic.
That’s why we – the
Ungratefully sane –
Greet their
Lectures on truth-telling with
Stink-eye and sour-mouth.
“When’s this happening
Happening?” I asked a fair question.
“Unsettled,” says Mom.
“She wants your help buying The Dress.”
“Me?” Here’s something unexpected.
Amazing adventure, in fact.
Up to that second I’d been a
Peeper, a commentator, a satirist
Unthankable critic of
Our Family Drama.
Now I’m color coordinator?
Was there a choice buried in this?
“You’re her only bridesmaid so your
Dresses must match,”
Mother pronounced –
Completely unrealizing
What idiocy she spoke.
Mirabel had certainly
Not sacrificed
Edge.
“You travel tomorrow
and both come back Sunday.”
These plans were
Gobsmacking.
How had she been inveigled
Into agreeing to this
By a kid on the outs
Unseen in eight years.
I could see she wasn’t quite happy.
Something was niggling.
Probably the fear that
White slavers will get me
It’s usually that.
“Unless… maybe I should drive you?”
I alerted like a drug dog.
Time to finish Mirabel’s work.
This was nothing less than
A prison break.
There’s a first time for everything
Grab it when you see it.
“I’ve taken trains before,”
I said maturely, suppressing my
Own edge; announcing –
In case she’d forgotten –
“I’m fourteen years old!”
“But it’s the city,” wailed my Mother
Both of us panicking
For different reasons.
“I’ve been to the city,” I said,
Blessing disgusting school field trips
I’s tried to get out of.
“I know where things are.”
“She’ll meet the five o’clock.”
Mom’s face was a study –
Obviously wondering
In what hell had she agreed to this?
Some strange woman
Calls up my Mom
Securing more freedom
Than I’d ever managed?
It’s a gift.
Keep the horse’s teeth out of it.
“It won’t even be dark,”
I said blithely,
Knowing that, after white slavers,
Parents dread darkness.
“So that’s where she lives? In the city?”
Rumors of international travel reached us
when Mirabel’s modeling died.
(I recall her yelling that fashion
Is shit.) And
All this time she’s been
Twenty miles away?
Mom still seemed unhappy,
Realizing how few facts she’d extracted.
“Maybe it’s where Rupert lives.
I’ll trust your good sense.”
First time for everything!
Who trusts Mirabel,
Under what misbegotten star?
Someone needs to commit
To some serious snooping –
And I’m the right person with my
Fierce curiosity to
Ferret out truth.
That very night a person
Calling himself
Philip Valerian
Accosted me on Instagram.
But I was well-trained
Media savvy –
I shut him right down.