Alysse Aallyn

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  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle

    The Bridge – Discipline:

    If This Card Chooses You – You’ve fatally confused discipline with punishment and now feel too debilitated to escape. Uh oh!
    From our subconscious we summon a rescuer. That rescuer is OUR ESSENTIAL SELF. In dreams sometimes it’s a hero, a fictional or historic figure or a spirit animal. Try reading folk or fairy tales right before bed. Fall asleep imagining strengthening muscles – physical, spiritual, emotional – growing inside you.

    You are Jack AND the beanstalk! No giant can stand against you. Even the laziest, cruelest corner of the self ultimately collapses to reveal a Tiny Child yearning for effective mothering. Time to mother yourself.

    Discipline is the only path to achieving what we want. Nothing is achieved (or appreciated!) without discipline, which only means conforming your behavior to a previously conceived pattern. What ideas spring up when you think about this? Is “discipline” always cruel? Painful? Is it one of your fears? Or is it the map to the orderly life you long for?

    You Are Your Best Friend and Best Parent – Nothing works in your life until you learn delayed gratification and stick-to-itiveness. But first you must experiment with other patterns – some of which –depending on your upbringing – can be hellish. So you have THAT to get past. You will definitely need to harness all your dream power to get yourself over the finish line.

    Adapt discipline constantly to enhance thriving. But who’s doing the adapting – the Cruel Taskmaster, the Disgusted Lover, the Generous Parent or the Permissive Saint? You contain all these (and they live in your dreams) so which will you listen to? Who do you feed? The one with more power controls your future. Consult appealing patterns that have worked for others and blend to taste. Realize it’s a process; a series of moments. Develop a sophisticated discernment you can trust to guide you.

    Warriors Set Marks and Hit Them – Forming habits is easier than breaking them apart, so warriors know that preventing bad habits is the core of discipline. But bad habits sneak up on us, they will form anyway, so part of your discipline will always be turning away from something that was formerly pleasurable. Enjoy the peace that comes with each small step.

    Warriors Know How to Keep Going – Discipline is the bridge that gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Always use a “spotter” – a professional who’s “been there” and who can keep you from going over the edge.

    Warriors Celebrate Their Discipline – Self-acceptance comes from experiencing our humanity to the fullest. We are “parenting” our much-loved and respected self, the one who starts out as a toddler with no self-control whom we’re trying to keep out of the fire. Forgive yourself. And keep going.

    Make Discipline Visual – Charts, maps, graphs and lists that hearten & cheer are key to purposeful pathways. Figure out a way to picture your values. Checking off boxes and cherishing the “proof” of a successful day becomes your joy.

    Models & Mentors – “Through self-discipline comes freedom” – Aristotle

    “Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you going” – John C. Maxwell

    “All success begins with self-discipline. It starts with you.” – Dwayne Johnson

    ‘Day by day – what you choose, what you think, what you do, is who you become” – Heraclitus

    #Haiku: Discipline

    Discipline is
    Choosing
    Between what you want now
    And what you want
    Most

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Youth – Resilience:

    If This Card Chooses You – You’re ready to bounce back. Dreaming a lot about your childhood? Your conscious mind is “mining” your subconscious for guides to the way you feel now. Did you pick the wrong path, and if so, why? Can you summon the effort to go back and fix it?

    “You’re as young as you feel” is a true saying! Ever met a “young” seeming old person? They are interested in everything. They are not frightened by new ideas. They don’t talk endlessly about their illnesses, complaints, how the world has gone to hell. They look forward to the future. The nature of “resilience” is that you “spring back”. You can actually use mistakes as energy, to improve your map-making. Surely you’re familiar with ”resistance training.” You get better muscles that way!

    Warriors Are Battle Tested – How to feel “young” when life keeps beating you down? The way to improve your resilience is to improve your philosophy. Do you believe people get old, they can no longer participate in the rat race, are shoveled under and it’s over? There’s an inspiring pep talk for the locker room!

    Warriors are Resilient – They are young forever. Combine that with the far-seeing wisdom of planning and experience and you have a Superpower.

    Love and intelligence REQUIRE wisdom – Adopt a philosophy that gives you hope. This is easier to do around young people. Grandparents cling to grandchildren. It’s good for both of them.

    Don’t get stuck in a “feedback loop.” Don’t hang around depressing, toxic people who mouth depressing, toxic notions. In our society old people are shunted off onto sidings, gathered together in communities that focus on “nursing”. Depressed yet? Re-orient your mind to focus on “health.” Resilience is a requirement for wounds of all types to heal.

    Warriors Preserve the Hope of Youth – Hope is the warrior’s religion. Life will always win out, will grow even against despair.

    Warriors Preserve the Joy of Youth – Fighting difficult battles (even with oneself) means the relaxation afterwards feels extra delicious. Warriors can play with anyone because they are still their child-like selves. That is part of what we are fighting for.

    Warrior Opportunity – In a famous letter to Ann Landers, someone who wanted to go to medical school bewailed that they would forty years old when they got out! Forty! Landers asked, “How old will you be if you DON’T go?” “Wise” people are those who realize HOW YOUNG THE REST OF YOU really are, who are complaining about being “too old” to do what you want to do. You have plenty of time, because ALL time is NOW. Your new mantra? “Spring back.”

    Warriors Never Give Up – Surrendering can be a strategy. It is not giving up. There may be snow on the roof but there is plenty of fire in the fireplace. Sometimes, however, it is good to keep our fires to ourselves. We know how to bide our time.

    Models & Mentors – “Reasons for hope – our clever brains, the indomitable human spirit and above all, the commitment of young people when they’re empowered to take action”

    – Jane Goodall

    “We don’t even know how strong we are until we are forced to bring that hidden strength forward” – Isabel Allende

    “Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts’

    – Winston Churchill

    “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny” – C. S. Lewis

    .#Haiku: Reincarnation through Books

    Multiple lives –
    Rising youth –
    Thriving age –
    Released death; re
    Peat; re
    Learn

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Symbiosis – interdependence:

    If This Card Chooses You – You’re running scared. Know you can’t make it on your own. We are social beings, we need other people, all those characters who people your dreams. We are DEPENDENT on them. This is such a tough thing to face that there are whole categories of people who go around insisting THEY “made it without any help.” They’re the only ones who believe it! They’ve actually assembled a vast team, and not only that, they are dependent on teams set up by others to provide safety, water, heat, light, transport. Visit a country where this isn’t a given and realize what a massive enterprise smoothly and quietly quietly takes place around us.

    Flourish, Don’t Exploit – Symbiosis benefits everyone. If it leaves you “worse off” it’s not symbiosis, it’s exploitation. In our dreams we fear depredation, loss, failure, humiliation. Our sleep world is the theatre where we rehearse our fears, presumably making them LESS LIKELY to come true! We fear dependence because that means our “supply” can be cut off. But we also provide supply to others. What, and who? Any way we can improve the supply lines?

    Warriors Understand Systems – We live in a flow. Achieving psychic flow state allows us to contribute to the constructive flow of life. Blockages are caused by greed, (wanting too much) by envy (desiring others’ take-down) and by narcissistic rage (if I can’t be happy, no one gets to be happy.) Warriors demonstrate positive flow with their lives, their relationships and their bodies.

    Warrior Danger – Interdependence is a delicate balance, requiring sensitivity, reflection, and the capacity to change. Above all we want to avoid “Doomsday thinking” in which “since” the obvious entropy of the universe ruins all relationships eventually, so, by this reasoning, they must be ruined NOW. This “fear” completely overlooks the spiritual growth which time can foster. Interdependence gives us insight and time and improved relationships – a recipe for emotional and intellectual thriving.

    Warriors Collaborate – Collaboration is inspired sharing. We are born with “essence” as our own unique mandate, and we acquire positive skills on our path through life. We contribute our skilled essence to the flow, and everyone has a different skilled essence to contribute. We inspire one another to our best achievements. We don’t want to live in a lonely universe.

    Warrior Challenge – To become independent (i.e. free) we must intellectually face the fact of our dependence on others and their dependence on us. Is there harm involved? Depredation? Abuse? Don’t make me repeat the 17 warning signs of an abusive relationship. You should be able to recognize them by now so that you can strategize a way out! If you DON’T recognize them there’s a very good chance your dreams DO. Pay attention to those. They are warning you. It’s possible to be abused by relationships with people we’ve never met – banks – corporations – landlords – employers – if this isn’t an equally mutual beneficial relationship we’re OUTTA HERE. (This is why authoritarians fear Cancel Culture. It reduces their depredation pool.) Yes, you CAN demand & secure relationships that are more beneficial.

    Warriors Don’t Self-Sabotage – Warriors don’t foul their own nests, pollute their springs or wage zero sum games. Warriors understand that win-win supports all life in general and their lives in particular.

    Warrior Opportunity – Nobody and nothing’s perfect and nobody wants that – ugh! Perfection is about stasis which is DEATH. WE are all about change, growth, evolution, and becoming. Wisdom! Sharing joy! A back and forth process involving OTHER PEOPLE. Let’s work on our confidence. Let’s work on our spiritual muscle. Let’s work on our mapping abilities so we have a good idea where we’re headed. Expect surprises and greet them when they show up: “Hello old friend.”

    Models & Mentors – “Symbiotic relationship in nature teaches us cooperation and shows that we are all connected” – Sanchita Pandey

    “You are in a dynamic relationship with the universe because your existence is win-win”

    – Teal Swan

    ‘Symbiosis is a much higher reflection of intelligent life” – Frederick Lenz

    “Love is a positive, symbiotic, reciprocal flow between two or more entities” – Inga Muscio

    #Haiku: Independent

    Lonely.
    Needing nobody
    Nobody
    Needing you –
    Welcome to Hell

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Flight – Ingenuity:

    If This Card Chooses You – Do you contemplate Escape? Everyone has flying dreams! In those moments, we experience absolute power and potential, which is exactly what these dreams are about. We often wake from them with a feeling of disappointed sadness: “You mean I’m earth-bound? I want to go back!’

    Warriors are Transformers – Your mind is a potent tool that not only solves “problems”, it transfigures them with transcendental thinking. The problem dissolves as the potential for revolution becomes clear. The Warrior Oracle Flight card asks us to “rise above” the problem and survey it from another angle. We soar over the difficulty! Our most transformative tool is the question: “What if?”

    Ingenuity sees connections where others see difficulties. Ingenuity
    relaxes by “tinkering.”     Let’s become expert at cultivating the alpha brain waves to achieve “flow” – a condition of subconscious harmony where ideas spring up and potentialities thrive. “Flow” is true freedom.

    Can you “waste” your life daydreaming? I’m one of those people who says “No”! But the mind is full of traps – cultural, educational and emotional – to keep us on a sabotaging treadmill of circular reasoning that gets us nowhere. Usually you can tell this is happening when you hear an intrusive “voice”: “You shouldn’t be doing this” “You’re an idiot” “That won’t work.” That’s not you talking, it’s the “Hidden Enemy” out to undermine your efforts to focus and connect. Without the confidence to dream, think and experiment you can’t become your best self.

    Warrior Opportunity – We need a supportive environment where voices saying, “You can’t do it” are drowned out by empowering affirmations. Some people use music to achieve this state, others use meditation. If the voices persist, you will have to focus on THAT as the problem and tackle them directly with a conscious daily practice of studying where they came from. Who are they? What happened to those people? Why did they attack you? Now that you are no longer a child you can usually see them for the tiny, disappointed, bitter little minds they were. These are not forces to emulate. Deliberately let them go. “I am sorry for you, but you have no power over me”.

    When You Can’t Go Backwards or Forwards the Only Solution is Up – Warriors are accustomed to thinking outside the box because they long ago realized they would never fit the box society had chosen for them.

    Warriors Invent – Warriors figure out brand new ways to do things based on innovative reasoning and creative solutions.

    Warriors Adapt – Warriors have been strategizing in their Training Journals and mapmaking on their Vision Boards for so long soon they can do it in their heads, on the fly. We know Plan A will probably not happen, possibly not even B, C, or D but a combination of all these or something new entirely that comes to you suddenly, in the heat of the moment.

    Warriors Amaze – Surprise is the entire art of War, says Sun Tzu. Learn to enjoy the unexpected. Don’t allow others to dictate to you behaviors and modalities. Warriors are free.

    Models & Mentors – “No problem of human making is too great to be overcome by human ingenuity, human energy and the untiring hope of the human spirit” – Bill Clinton

    “Mathematical reasoning is the exercise of inspiration and ingenuity” – Alan Turing

    “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it” – Albert Einstein

    “Those who do not think outside the box are easily contained” – Nicolas Manetta

    #Haiku: Flight – Ingenuity

    I can’t
    Becomes “I will”:
    Eyes closed,
    Dreaming:
    Fantasy prompts
    Invention

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Children – Legacy:

    If This Card Chooses You – Time to think about what you will leave behind when you’re gone. Dreaming of pregnancy? Parenthood? Do you fantasize nostalgically about your own childhood? Do you dream of establishing a foundation, benefiting the community? Do you dream of death, funerals, will-making? Your subconscious is considering the legacy you will leave behind – how to live on forever when you’re no longer here.

    You Are the Future – Contributing to forming and shaping young lives is a key way we “replicate”. Hearing your own ideas advanced and improved upon is a unique thrill. Generativity is the necessary completion of the formation of Self. Super-Therapist Erik Erickson posits “Generativity versus Stagnation” as the stark choice facing us as we grow older.

    Warrior Challenge – We’re usually full of criticisms of our own upbringing – behaviors we do NOT want to replicate. What would you change? What difference do you want to leave in the world? In our capitalist world we always think a legacy is “money” but money is a thorny gift. Think how easily it is lost, misused, wasted, stolen. A better legacy is wisdom: a codebook, “cheat sheet”, a treasure map, the ability to recognize and ENJOY treasure once it is located.

    Warrior Danger – We all know about the monomaniacs who want to rebuild the universe in their image. Their view of possibility is restricted to what THEY want, what THEY can do. Time to consider whether our Legacy is just an ego trip. Did we consult anybody else? Will this contribute to a universe others want, need and can enjoy?

    Warrior Opportunity – Once again we are offered a magical chance to increase our range, magnify our grasp and celebrate and share our unique joys and gifts. Leaving Granny’s plates or a recipe book to a relative in a will is so unrewarding compared to giving a party. Is there any way we can turn the struggles of ordinary existence into a joy for anyone else? Find out what others need. Think about your own luck and good fortune. Usually we can see a way the path can be smoothed for others. Then we can spend our golden years getting feedback (and usually thanks!) and fine-tuning. What a pleasure!

    Warriors Preserve Value – Warriors exist to increase safety where all living things can grow and flourish.

    Warriors Create Worth – In an atmosphere of respect, value is created. When humans are free to explore, imagination is unleashed. In a time of peace, playfulness and joy are prime.

    Warriors Understand Tradition – Warriors are hard-tested. They love to pass on what is valuable. Sharing skills and preventing common errors is the pride of their acquired wisdom. Our heirs are everyone on the planet.

    Warriors Enhance Sharing – understanding maps, history, techniques and strategies gives warriors a special interest in the experiences of others. You are never too old to learn.

    Warriors Deepen Relationships – It is beneficial for the young to see their elders’ humility as well as knowledge, kindness as well as determination and playfulness as well as persistence.

    Models & Mentors – “Every child is born a genius” – Buckminster Fuller

    “History will judge us by the difference we make in the everyday lives of children”

    – Nelson Mandela

    “Children make your life important” – Erma Bombeck

    “All kids need is a little help, a little hope and someone who believes in them” – Magic Johnson

    #Haiku: Hope Chest

    Halted at the steep cliff of 
Parental reason;
    Children
    Forge
    Launchpad.

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Cooperation – Division of Labor:

    If This Card Chooses You – How are you at delegating? Do you dream of Getting Help? In this fantasy, you are engaged on any difficult task and Some Competent Dreamboat shows up to assist. Do you dream of villages and businesses that run seemingly effortlessly – everyone like the mailman, the crossing guard, the fruit seller, the fireman – setting about their Daily Chores like characters in a children’s book? We’re all nostalgic for that Perfect World of cooperation that never in fact, existed or can exist because we are all the stars of our particular story. Exactly as it should be. But you, right now, need cooperation and luckily, as it turns out, everyone needs cooperation to survive.

    You Don’t Have to Do Everything – It’s an enormous relief when you first realize you’re not responsible for everything. Children are very solipsistic thinkers – they “assume” magical responsibility not just for parental divorce but for World Wars. But we are tiny cogs in a huge enterprise. Every task we assume is part of something much bigger. We are surrounded by helpers, if we could only see it.

    Warrior Challenge – In life we have Group Tasks and Individual Tasks. The challenge is to figure out which is which. Social pressure tends to ‘erase” the importance of our personal, individual tasks because the daily round is so overwhelming. Yet we must cling determinedly to our Personal Goals of Maturation, Mastery, Learning, Finding Meaning & Bliss, Growing Love. Cooperation surrounds us in all these challenges if we could only access its benefits.

    Know The Game – Unfortunately capitalist societies are based on competition and scarcity. Politics maneuvers us into seeing others as competitors for scarce resources, instead of willing hands helping us build. No wonder Main Street is falling into disrepair, volunteer activities go begging and community resources are depleted! Without a sense of community we can’t see each other as anything but rivals. When looking for co-operators it is wise to re-visit our previous Wisdom warnings about avoiding people who seek not helpers but hostages.

    Avoid Spirit Crushers – Remember these? Don’t ask for anything from these people. We can’t repeat these dangers often enough:

    1. They’re never “wrong.” Nothing is ever their fault.
    2. Circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gaslighting to make them the gate-keepers of reason and you the thirsty aspirant.
    3. People only capable of vertical, not horizontal relationships. Someone needs to be “on top.”
    4. Blanket statements and generalizations – Thick layers of protective blather will keep you from getting through to discuss any task at hand.
    5. Misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity – You are a simplistic thinker and a deficient reasoner and they are the source of all wisdom. No cooperating with these people.
    6. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts – Different rules for everyone and every day.
    7. Changing the subject to evade accountability – “You shouldn’t have given me that job to begin with.”
    8. Covert and overt threats –“If people know what you REALLY are, say, do, no one would be your friend.”
    9. Name-calling , stigmatizing, limiting– “Identity politics.” “You are a _” Fill in the blank. And that’s all you’ll ever be in this guy’s eyes.
    10. Destructive conditioning – Abuse, frustration and disrespect are this person’s calling cards but it’s never their fault that they live in a cloud of toxicity. They want you in there, too. Decline.
    11. Smear campaigns and stalking – “Office politics.” Need I say more?
    12. Playing the Martyr – “I have so many enemies!”
    13. Demands Immediate Unthinking Fealty – When someone stresses the fact that they are a “nice guy” or girl, that you should “trust them” right away or emphasizes their credibility without any provocation from you whatsoever, WALK AWAY.
    14. Baits and badgers you – testing your limits. Can you be made to lose control?
    15. Boundary testing – “Everyone does it” to drag you into unethical enterprise
    16. Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes – “Can’t you laugh about yourself? Everyone else is laughing.”
    17. Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone – Know-It-Alls 
    18. Belittling, Degrading, Shaming About ANYBODY. A very good piece of advice is watch how they treat wait staff. Underlings. Anyone totally in their power or people who can do nothing for them and you’ll soon get a picture of their inner world. These people pretend to be friendly and interested to suck you into their plan to harvest, not multiply, your energy. Stay away.

    Warrior Opportunity – If you avoid the above, you will meet Your Best Friends Ever! People who really have ideas and ENJOY HELPING. This is even more important than Getting “the job” DONE! Because Cooperation often redesigns the job in a positive, healthy way. Real friends last for life and they change YOU. Reach out for advice and cooperation to all who treat others with respect. You won’t be successful ALL the time – no one is – but you will learn so much in the course of finding out How to Live In the World and Who to be.

    Warriors Know How to Lead – Warrior understand strategy and dividing tasks into steps. Warriors see into the heart of personal and personnel problems because they have confronted their own issues of courage, baggage, physical challenge and fear

    Warriors Know How to Play Their Position – For my part to work, your part needs to work. Division of labor knits efforts into a harmonious whole. Everyone gets a chance and everyone is satisfied with the result.

    Warriors See the Entire Field – We know how to change course to give our best efforts their best chance. We know when to retreat and regroup. We understand the psychological build-up and the necessity of down-time, debriefing, and re-supplying. Everyone must feel that they are of value and no effort is in vain.

    Models & Mentors – “The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation” – Bertrand Russell

    “Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress and working together is success” – Henry Ford

    “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants” – Isaac Newton

    “Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

    #Haiku: Cooperation

    Fliers
    Gatherers
    Coaxers
    Feeders
    Breeders
    Layers
    Eaters:
    Honey.

  • Becoming a Warrior – The Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    . Memory – The Past:

    If This Card Chooses You – Check your conscious/subconscious/unconscious/collective consciousness levels. How comfortable are you with the depth of these levels? Do you ruminate about past events? Are you haunted by what was done & left undone? Do you feel nostalgia for a past that never was? Do you have a favorite period in history or a fantasy universe that you wish you lived in, instead of this one?

    You are the Hero of Your Warrior Saga – Accept your centrality in your own myth. It doesn’t matter what other people think – they are the bit players. Think of your past as a Quest Saga. What did you want? How did it change? What blocked you? What tools have you got at your command? Where do you go from here?

    Rewrite the Past – You absolutely CAN, but first you first must face its full horror and that effect on you. Generally, because we were immature, we didn’t understand what was going on, were co-opted by our persecutors and prevented from fighting back. Things are different now! The hardest thing to accept is that beloved caregivers didn’t want the best for us – they only wanted us to be just like them.

    “I don’t believe in ghosts but I never met a person who wasn’t haunted” is a very wise saying. What haunts you exactly? Or who? Ghosts are malignant – if they weren’t they would be power spirits, fairy godmothers or guardian angels. What malignancies from your past are out to get you and how do they make themselves known? One of Freud’s contributions was to point out that people prefer their neurosis – ie imprisonment – to liberation. Why? What’s in it for you?

    You became YOU. Yes, you have scars – these are bragging rights! You have been through the wars! ‘Rewriting” the past means understanding what really happened, the limitations of those who surrounded you, and exploring your chances and choices today. Just because parents, teachers or “society” sentenced you to play a role, you can step out of it at any time. Buddhist thought is very helpful here. Buddha teaches that life itself is an illusion – a dream. It changes depending on how we think about it. In the present, inside your mind, you hold all the keys to your own liberation. Re-visit Pema Chodron’s Noble Heart and Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now to explore how you can assume immediate control of your life and your mind and turn your past into fuel to power your growth.

    Warriors Know Who They Are – Remember, you’ve got a purpose. You’ve got a future. You’ve thought about your past and worked out conflicts with a mentor and in your Training Journal.

    Warriors Develop A Sense of History – You understand that history is a spiral, not a circle – the same things do keep coming around but in a different form. You see all around you the operation of karma.
    Choosing evil is choosing chaos – it can’t work out for anyone except temporarily. You understand the battle between darkness and light and you have committed yourself firmly to The Light.

    Warriors Are Storytellers – You pass the message on with your life, with your words, with your body, with your very presence. You have become one link in the unbreakable chain of Eternal Perfection and you will have your reward.

    Models & Mentors – “You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory”

    – Dr Seuss

    “Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things” – Cicero

    “In the end, we’ll all become stories.” – Margaret Atwood

    “Your brain forms the same neural connections and muscle memory whether you are imagining a task or actually doing it”– Yo Yo Ma

    #Haiku: No-Fault Apology

    Atone?
    Conspire:
    Delete:
    Rewire
    My memory and
    Yours; potent
    Fire.

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Marriage – Partnership:

    If This Card Chooses You – Time to consider your ideal partnership contract. What would it be like? Have you been dreaming lately about weddings? Love, proposals, marriage? About The One that got Away? About partnership enterprises in general – video gaming, tennis – where an Ideal Partner/Helper’s got your back? Warriors can’t make it through life without a partner. We’ve got friends who come and go, sometimes special ones, but they’ve got obligations of their own. What if we had a Perfect Friend who made our Best Life their priority? What if we were not only willing to do the same for them but to promise this in public?

    Everybody Deserves Somebody – We come into adulthood with strong memories of familial dependence. We are all attracted to caretaking behaviors and easily seduced by promises to read our minds and give us what we really want, even if we haven’t figured that out for ourselves. Then hormones click in and we discover Desire. Not only for bodies, but for Persons, Lives, Individualities. Other people are a spice, other people are a medicine, other people are a distraction – everything our lives appear to be lacking. What if we could combine all these needs together in one appetizing human package?

    Warrior Challenge – We rarely ask our friends to change their lives for us. They are VERY rarely willing to do so. But a partner is someone to actively plan a life with. You get to talk through all the Wants, the Possibilities, the Fears. Heady stuff! The challenge is to know Yourself well enough to make any sort of honest statements about who you are, who you CAN be and who you want to be.

    Sometimes Allies Need a Long-Term Contract – Lives are uprooted. Possessions are shared. Long term strategy results in map-merging to create a new – but more exciting – map. If you’re a giver, learn your limits. Because takers don’t have any.

    Someone Needs To Take Your Back – As the great mystic Emmanuel Swedenborg pointed out, each one of us is only half an angel. You need someone to cover the things you can’t cover. And if you were planning to start a warrior family, you need more than a partner, you need a spouse.

    Spouses Teach Honesty – The person who knows you best doesn’t put up with a false front. You literally force each other to get to the root of emotions and behaviors that will open up your psyches not just to each other, but to yourselves. The spouse who falls in love with you and forgives you finally allows you to fall in love with and forgive yourself.

    Staging, Experimental Life Lab and Boot Camp – we get to try out our ideas on each other. The Beloved Other is a Mirror and a Coach. The purpose of existence, the purpose of YOUR existence – suddenly becomes clear.

    Warrior Danger – A substantial number of partnerships fail. We all know this but we keep trying. Then there are the partnerships that evolve into Something Else, a Financial, Real Estate or Caregiving unit that is very necessary but also pretty far from what we had in mind originally. Our challenge remains the same. Is it possible to both know and be known? Can we find our Soulmate? Does such a creature exist? Is it possible to evolve with another soul to a higher plane of SuperSoul? Disappointment and betrayal are all too often the apparent outcomes.

    Warrior Opportunity – Soulmates DO exist! They DO evolve. We WILL change our life for another and they will change, blend, merge with us. Any interaction with another requires communication, boundaries, honesty, planning and “rules”. I put rules in quotes because a good partner keeps “transforming” the game and we keep transforming ourselves to meet it. The best way ever to honestly know yourself is to keep conscious, subconscious and unconscious in alignment. Purposeful dreaming is the best way to achieve that goal!

    Models & Mentors – “It’s not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes for unhappy marriages” – Friedrich Nietzsche

    “What counts in making a happy marriage is not compatibility but how you deal with incompatibility” – Leo Tolstoy

    “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short” – Andre Maurois

    “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re the right person if you want to be with them all the time” – Julia Child

    #Haiku: Marriage: Partnership

    Merged.
    Eyes when
    I can’t see –
    Two extra hands;
    Relay race –
    Inspiration.

  • Becoming a Warrior – The Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Earth – Resources:

    If This Card Chooses You – List your resources and prepare for a surprise. They’re always more than you think.

    Do you dream of wealth? Storehouses of goodies? Digging in the earth and finding treasure? Gold at the end of the rainbow? These are “resource” fantasies. In Warrior Oracle, the “Earth” card represents resources because Earth is the source of everything mortal that is valuable to us. Where we are born determines the very language we will use to quantify, remember and share our world.

    You are a Wealthy Heir – We are all born into fabulous possibility. However, the fear of emptiness and the dread of exclusion also start immediately. Focusing on the wealth we DON’T have prevents us from identifying the resources we possess now.

    Warriors Are Anointed – We are warriors BECAUSE we recognize the sacredness of the every day. One day while swimming, sailing, sunning, soaring or dreaming WE FELT THE UNIVERSE LOVE US BACK. We were anointed warriors in Her honor on that day.

    Let’s figure out what we’ve got going for us. Health? Youth? Sight? Hearing? Intelligence? Talents? Love? Education? Family? Community? Faith? Roof over head? Food on Table? Money coming in? People we can depend on? Is there a patch of sky where we can see the stars? Is there a patch of ground where we can see the flowers?

    Sheltering & Mustering Resources is Key – “A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!” says Shakespeare’s Richard III. But he doesn’t have a horse and his kingdom is lost. “A stitch in time”, etc. etc. Strategy is nothing without resources and resources are nothing if you waste them.

    Warriors Nurture What They Love – Warriors care for their equipment, their animals, their people and their environment.

    Warriors Cultivate and Improve – We bring gardens where once were deserts, we bring children where life was future-less, we speak to animals and we communicate with trees.

    Warriors Celebrate the Spirit of Life – We don’t mark joy with “getting wasted.” We nestle instead in the beautiful cradle of the universe we have helped to provide.

    Warrior Danger – There’s no question all our benefits can be improved upon. They are also subject to depredation, depreciation and degradation. It is a positive force to desire improvements, but it is dangerous to turn “wants” into rage.

    Warrior Opportunity – Often the one difference between happiness and misery is gratitude. Are you grateful for all you have been given? Do you feel lucky or fortunate in any way? To put things in perspective, lottery winners one year out are usually NOT AS HAPPY as those who have been in a serious accident one year previous!

    The secret is perspective. The lottery winners thought a pile of money would “solve” everything, the accident sufferers thought they were destroyed forever. Lottery winners learned how wrong they were about what they needed, while accident sufferers were focused on what they still had and what new caring relationships came into their lives. Begin to cultivate a practice of gratitude. It starts with a “Thank You.”

    Models & Mentors – “Preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.” – Carl Sagan

    “I only feel angry when I see waste, people throwing away things we could use” – Mother Teresa

    “Earth provides enough to satisfy everyone’s need but not everyone’s greed” – Mahatma Gandhi

    “The Earth has music for those who listen” – Shakespeare

    “Earth sustains us and we must sustain her” – Chief Dan George

    #Haiku: Delayed Gratification

    Lifetime threat dodging and
    Garden planting
    Grants pleasure
    Embracing
    Now

  • Becoming a Warrior – The Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Age – Wisdom:

    If This Card Chooses You –You require an experienced hostage negotiator to help free you so it is time to make peace with your elders. Have you been dreaming of old people? Funerals? Aging in general? Dreaming of gurus atop mountains? Buddhas, caves, palaces of wisdom? Or are you fixating on a specific elder who had an influence – bad or good – on your young life?

    Warriors’ Effort Is Sacred – Failure is when you don’t try. Experience is the great teacher. Bad Judgment leads to Experience which leads to Wisdom which leads to Good Judgment.

    You Are Wiser Than You Know – Contrast elders you admire with those you avoid. Aren’t the latter complainers who stress to everyone they meet what a bad hand life has dealt them? They complain about their health, politics, the weather, other people – whatever crosses the windscreen of their increasingly tightening minds. In their world children never call, doctors don’t help, media is lying, weather’s getting worse, food is adulterated and we are all going to hell. This person is clamoring ever more loudly for ego strokes without apparently noticing the discomfort and distaste of those around them. Rather than trying a new strategy, they step up their whingeing.

    Read the room! Is what you want to scream at them but you realize they can no longer “learn.” This is the opposite of wisdom. This is senility. A brain is shutting down, a personality is beggared and no one wants to be around it.

    Think of an elder you admire. Nelson Mandela, Joe Biden, Desmond Tutu, The Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Pema Chodron, the Pope? These persons are Ego-Less. Someone who talks about others, not themselves. They authentically care for others. They discuss ideas rather than gossip and have a long memory of problems, solutions, trial and error. They keep themselves “young” in all the ways that matter. People flock to them.

    There’s an old Cherokee story about how each of us is born with a good wolf and a bad wolf inside of us. The one that gets stronger and takes control is the one you feed. Your challenge is to figure out how to practice your increasing wisdom every day. Accepting your dreams and encouraging their deepening understanding is the beginning of wisdom.

    The pursuit of gurus is inherently dangerous because there are a lot of con artists out there seeking hostages and slaves. Avoid dominance/submission games and people who use:

    1. Projection – People unwilling to see their own shortcomings use everything in their power to avoid being held accountable. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behaviors by attributing them to someone else. It acts as a digression avoiding ownership and accountability.
    2. Nonsensical conversations from hell – Word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gaslighting will disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way.
    3. Blanket statements and generalizations –
    4. Misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity 
    5. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts 
    6. Changing the subject – never discussing the elephant in the room
    7. Covert and overt threats 
    8. Name-calling – stigmatizing, patronizing, labeling
    9. Destructive conditioning – They condition you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration and disrespect. They do this by sneaking in covert and overt put-downs about the qualities and traits you once idealized as well as
    10. Sabotaging your goals, ruining celebrations, vacations and holidays. They may even isolate you from your friends and family and make you financially dependent upon them. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you’re essentially “trained” over time to become afraid of doing the very things that once made your life fulfilling.
    11. Smear campaigns and stalking 
    12. Playing the Martyr or victim
    13. Demands Immediate Unthinking Fealty – When someone stresses the fact that they are a “nice guy” or girl, that you should “trust them” right away or emphasizes their credibility without proof, be wary.
    14. Baits and badgers you – Then feigns innocence
    15. Boundary testing – You are not allowed to have boundaries or even triggers
    16. Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes 
    17. Condescending sarcasm and superior tone 
    18. Belittling, degrading, shaming

    Our Scars Are The Definition of Beauty -You can see this is all about Control. Avoid those who seek to control or dominate you. Revered Elders such as those mentioned above would not do that.

    Warriors Know Their Allies – Warriors don’t fear becoming experienced. We seek it. People come and go, but the right ones stay. Time shows you the difference between the strength and honor of another’s heart. Warriors share their knowledge.

    Warriors Can Read the Signs – If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Train yourself to trust yourself. You can read and write maps, you can interpret Nature, you see Red Flags before they wave for others.

    Warriors Earn Peace – Random acts of kindness make everyone feel better. Warriors’ “can do” attitude spreads peace. Warriors welcome other peaceful spirits. We challenge the troubled to take their drama elsewhere.

    Models & Mentors – “You can’t control the wind but you can learn to adjust your sails.”

    – Jimmy Dean

    “It always seems impossible till it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

    “Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens” – Jimi Hendrix

    “I am thankful to those who said No. Because of them, I did it myself.” – Albert Einstein

    “Experience is not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.”

    – Aldous Huxley

    “It is never too late to be who you might have been” – George Eliot

    ‘Wisdom is the journey no one can take for us” – Marcel Proust

    #Haiku: Noble Heart

    Sit
    In peace
    Regift
    The rubble of your life:
    Wreckage
    Belongs to All.