Alysse Aallyn

Tag: #Mysteries

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

     Chrysalis – Potential –

    When Others See Cage, Goddesses See Chrysalis – Goddesses exist on the edge of possibility. Imagination suggests what COULD be. In the multiverse, physicists assure, every permutation is happening somewhere. Potential alerts us to the possibilities. The stick-colored, dead-seeming chrysalis contains nature’s most beautiful sprite, the butterfly. The invisibility of potential discourages predators by daylight, but at night, the chrysalis opens and we are free.

    Goddesses Contain Multitudes – You are the apex of your family tree. Walt Whitman describes us, as well as himself. Be wary of the “restrictions” others place so confidently upon you. They want you to give up your quest in exchange for being their unpaid servant. Even paid servitude wouldn’t be worth it! Goddesses are comfortable being the first in a family to — do something. Anything. Because you ARE the first in your family to be you. You are unique. In day dreams and night dreams, on conscious and unconscious levels, you explore chances and contingencies.

    Goddesses Won’t Be Sidelined – People we love, admire, and express need for keep trying to pin us down. They want to get to “know” us so they can “rely” on our sameness. They want us to stay where they left us, like a coat or umbrella. Goddesses won’t willingly place limits on themselves, just to be accepted. We are unrestrained in our wild and dreaming imagination.

    Goddesses Preserve Inner Wildness – Every action you perform, every thought you think, suggests and then creates its opposite or “shadow” as Jung would say. Think of the story of Max, who voyaged overnight to play with the Wild Things until he finally decided he wanted to return to his safe, warm, familiar bed, thereby claiming both worlds at once.  Free yourself to consider all the alternatives. The first freedom is Mental. Goddesses fly above possibility.

    Goddesses Are Warmed by Inner Fire – Goddesses don’t listen to the limitations others have set on them. Who would believe that dried up chrysalis is going to turn into a magnificent butterfly? Yet it will. You have the butterfly within you. When you concentrate, you can feel its wings stretching and expanding.

    Goddess Risk – In another famous tale,  Peter Pan is replaced and can never come home. Once home realizes who we really are, perhaps it will disappear.  Once the chrysalis is broken, we can never crawl back in. Fear is a valid reaction when danger is about. But danger is triggered by lack of escape. Keep all your psychic escape hatches open.

    What Fable Do You Cherish?  We tell ourselves stories. Harry Potter, Narnia or Marvel? Expand it outwards. Insert yourself. So many discoveries have been made from and through fantasy fan fiction they are too numerous to mention here. But allowing yourself to dream is key. Imagine you are outfitting your inner butterfly. What colors? How about all colors, constantly changing?

    Goddesses Are Quick-Change Artists – Goddesses may become a butterfly or a snowflake or an orchid or some new form that hasn’t been envisioned yet. Goddesses are avatars. We keep ourselves in peak readiness to accept the universal challenge. We realize life is a dance, we can adapt to its steps and offer steps all our own.

    Goddesses Protect Their Potential – Others will constantly try to constrain and define you and herd you into their enclosure. Don’t go. What you will become is not up to them, it is not even up to those who mentor and love you. It is up to you.

    Goddesses Protect the World’s Potential – The young, the aged, the helpless, the teacher, the crossing guard, the medic, the harvester – these are people who shepherd the universe into positive becoming. They are occupied with vital work and can’t protect themselves or those they help. Life’s Goddess will protect them. The forces of destruction are all around us, the universe can’t afford to waste a scrap of its positive potential.

    Models & Mentors – “The only person you are destined to be is the person you decide to become” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations but your potential.  Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed but with what it is still possible for you to do.”        –  Pope John XXIII

    “Our essential nature is one of pure potentiality”

    – Deepak Chopra

    “Accept whatever comes and meet it with the best you have to give” – Eleanor Roosevelt

    #Haiku: Chrysalis – Potential

    Unrecognizable:

    Disguised –

    Prototype

    Unbeing

    Becomes

    You

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Discipline – The Bridge –

    No One Becomes a Goddess Without Discipline – Many fatally confuse discipline with punishment and avoid it until they sadly discover they’re now too debilitated to do anything. Uh oh! Don’t let this happen to you!

    Map-Making Means Map-Following – We adjust maps on the basis of experience. But we try them out first. Or we won’t know where they went wrong.  Goddesses are logical, not impulsive. Because impulses are outer-directed. Being a Goddess means being in control. Don’t apply if you don’t like being in control. Goddesses dislike the feeling of being out of control. 

    You’re Out of Control When You Don’t Know Where Impulses Are Coming From –  Lots of cues are subliminal and their directors want to keep it that way. They want you to think the desire is coming from INSIDE the house, not from their strategy room where bills are piling up. 

    You Become a Goddess by Getting to Know Yourself – YOUR ESSENTIAL SELF – that’s what makes you strong. Goddesses take the time to track the origin of their impulses down.

    1. Do I want it because I’ve done it before?
    2. Do I want it because other people are doing it?
    3. Do I want it because SOMEBODY ELSE insists?
    4. Do I want it because of advertisers & influencers?
    5. Do I need it to Join the Club?

    You’ve probably figured out Goddesses aren’t “Joiners.” 

    1. If you’re “used” to whatever it is, get “unused” to it. You’re in Goddess training, and it’s a whole new world. Relish the different feelings. If you sense you’re becoming unglued, contemplate substitutions.  You don’t need to go Cold Turkey on Pleasure, the Past, or your own physiology. What you need to do is get your body and mind acquainted with Trying New Things because of respectable scientific research says it will build you into the new person you need to be.
    2. Get loose from “the pack” right now. If you can’t, you’re not Goddess material. There’s two kinds of people, “swarmers” and “selves.” Swarmers don’t want to develop a self because it differentiates them from the pack. They want to do whatever the swarm is doing. It takes time – and can be ouchy – to develop a Self but the payoff is literally Eternal. Take the time. Or go down with the swarm if that sounds better.
    3. You’re being pressured to Follow a Course that suits Somebody Else. Let’s take a long look at this person and ask ourselves why they don’t care about our betterment, or who the hell we really are, or even anything other than their own Ego. Why are we servicing this person’s ego? We need to get AWAY from this person. They want a hostage or a slave or both.
    4. We’ve been seduced by the Virtual World!  It felt so good at the time. For a moment there it felt like maybe we found Our People. And they seemed so welcoming! Of course there is a price of admission, and you keep paying it with your denigration, not just in the service of someone’s ego, but a lot of people’s bank accounts. Figure out a way to tell these False Friends goodbye.

    From our Subconscious We Summon Rescue. In dreams sometimes it’s a hero, a fictional or historic figure or a spirit animal. Try reading folk or fairy tales right before bed. Fall asleep imagining strengthening muscles – physical, spiritual, emotional – growing inside you.

    You are Jack AND the Beanstalk! No giant can stand against you. Even the laziest, cruelest corner of the self ultimately collapses to reveal a Tiny Child yearning for effective mothering. Turns out, that’s what you were looking for all along. Time to give birth to yourself, then mother yourself.

    Discipline is the Only Path to Achieving What We Want. Nothing is achieved (or appreciated!)  without discipline, which only means conforming your behavior to a previously conceived pattern. What ideas spring up when you think about this? Is “discipline” always cruel?  Painful? Is it one of your fears? Or the map to the orderly life you long for?

    You Are Your Best Friend and Best Parent – Nothing works in your life until you learn delayed gratification and stick-to-itiveness. But first you must experiment with other patterns – some of which –depending on your upbringing – can be hellish.  So you have THAT to get past. You will definitely need to harness all your dream power to get yourself over the finish line.

    Goddesses Adapt Discipline to Enhance Thriving. But who’s doing the adapting  – the Cruel Taskmaster, the Disgusted Lover, the Generous Parent or the Permissive Saint? You contain all these (and they live in your dreams) so which will you listen to?  Who will you empower? Who do you feed?

    The Choice You Make Controls your Future. Consult appealing patterns that have worked for others and blend to taste. Realize it’s a process; a series of moments. You’re training like an athlete; every day you master new capabilities. Develop a sophisticated discernment you can trust to guide you.

    Goddesses Set Marks and Hit Them – Forming habits is easier than breaking them apart, so goddess know that preventing bad habits is the core of discipline. But bad habits sneak up on us, they will form anyway, so part of your discipline will always be turning away from something that was formerly pleasurable. Enjoy the peace that comes with each small step.

    Goddesses Know How to Keep Going – Discipline is the bridge that gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Always use a “spotter” – someone who wants the best for you – a professional who’s “been there” and who can keep you from going over the edge.

    Goddesses Celebrate Their Discipline – Self-acceptance comes from experiencing our humanity to the fullest. We are “parenting” our much-loved and respected self, the one who starts out as a toddler with no self-control whom we’re trying to keep out of the fire. Forgive yourself. And keep going.

    Make Discipline Visual – Charts, maps, graphs and lists that hearten & cheer are key to purposeful pathways. Figure out a way to picture your values. Checking off boxes and cherishing the “proof” of a successful day becomes your joy.

    Models & Mentors –  “Through self-discipline comes freedom” – Aristotle

    “Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you going” – John C. Maxwell

    “All success begins with self-discipline. It starts with you.” – Dwayne Johnson

    ‘Day by day – what you choose, what you think, what you do, is who you become” – Heraclitus

    #Haiku: Discipline

    Discipline is

    Choosing

    Between what you want now

    And what you want

    Most

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Memory – The Past

    Time to check your consciousness levels – How comfortable are you with the very existence, not to mention the depth, of your conscious/subconscious/

    unconscious/collective unconscious levels?

    Consciousness is your awareness of the Now.

    Subconscious are all the memories and ideas pushed out of the Now into “Later”. With effort, you can become aware of these.

    The Unconscious you are completely unaware of. It takes considerable  mining effort to get down there, but it can be done. This is where you store everything you’ve heard, everything you’ve seen, even peripherally, even without bringing into awareness at the time. The Collective Unconscious is the most controversial.  Do you believe you are a historical repository of other people’s memories, including those of whose existence you are  entirely unaware? I do.

    You Have Multiple People Blending Their Lives With Yours – Do you ruminate about past events? Are you haunted by what was done & left undone? Do you feel nostalgia for a past that never was? Do you have a favorite period in history or a fantasy universe that you wish you lived in, instead of this one?

    You are the Heroine of Your Goddess Saga – Accept your centrality in your own myth. It doesn’t matter what other people think – they are the bit players. Think of your past as a Quest Saga. What did you want? How did it change? What blocked you? What tools have you got at your command? Where do you go from here?

    Rewrite the Past – You absolutely CAN, but first you first must face its full horror and the effect on you. Generally, because we were immature, we didn’t understand what was going on, were co-opted by our persecutors and prevented from fighting back. Things are different now! The hardest thing to accept is that beloved caregivers didn’t want the “best” for us – they only wanted us to be just like them. Let’s begin bringing those levels of consciousness into symmetry.

    “I Don’t Believe in Ghosts but I Never Met a Person who Wasn’t Haunted” is a very wise saying. What haunts you exactly? Or who? Ghosts are malignant – if they weren’t they would be power spirits, fairy godmothers or guardian angels. What malignancies from your past are out to get you and how do they make themselves known? One of Freud’s contributions was to point out that people prefer their neurosis – ie imprisonment – to liberation. Why? What’s in it for them – or you?

    You Define YOU. Yes, Goddesses have scars – those are bragging rights! You have been through the wars! ‘Rewriting” the past means understanding what really happened, the limitations of those who surrounded you, and exploring your chances and choices today. Just because parents, teachers or “society” sentenced you to play a role, you can step out of it at any time. Buddhist thought is very helpful here. Buddha teaches that life itself is an illusion – a dream. It changes depending on how we think about it. In the present, inside your mind, you hold all the keys to your own liberation. Re-visit Pema Chodron’s Noble Heart and Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now to explore how you can assume immediate control of your life and your mind and turn your past into fuel to power your growth.

    Goddesses Know Who They Are – Remember, you’ve got a purpose. You’ve got a future. You’ve thought about your past and worked out conflicts with a mentor and in your Goddess Journal.

    Goddesses Develop A Sense of History – You understand that history is a spiral, not a circle – the same things do keep coming around but in a different form. You see all around you the operation of karma.

    Choosing Evil is Choosing Chaos – and condemning yourself to death. It can’t ever work out except temporarily. You understand the battle between darkness and light and you have committed yourself firmly to The Light.

    Goddesses Are Storytellers – You emblemize the message with your life, with your words, with your body, with your very presence. You have become one link in the unbreakable chain of Eternal Perfection and you will gain eternal reward.

    Models & Mentors –  “You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss

    “Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things” – Cicero

    “In the end, we’ll all become stories.” – Margaret Atwood

    “Your brain forms the same neural connections and muscle memory whether you are imagining a task or actually doing it”-  Yo Yo Ma

    #Haiku: No-Fault Apology

    Atone?

    Conspire:

    Delete:

    Rewire

    My memory and

    Yours; potent

    Fire.

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

     Dreams – Imagination

    Should You Ever Wake up? The first thing that is obvious to an incipient, infant goddess is that Reality is often abhorrent, that everyone knows this and that they are not doing enough about it. Everyone insists they are just too small to tackle or challenge this massive Thing. And yet the incipient, adolescent goddess notices the Power of the Idea. Particularly the Self-Fulfilling Notion of Self-Determination. It’s not easy to become whoever you want, but it’s impossible to become anybody without wanting it. Your dreams “know” everything before you do.

    Do you long for caretaking? Are you eager to give over the reins of your life to someone else? If so, you are not a goddess. The deepest desire of Goddessing is not being interfered with on out majestic passage through Eternity.  But people will keep trying to take charge of you and redefine you. They will tell you ridiculous things – such as, Imagination is Bad, or it’s a waste of time. Remember – As Goddess, you’re the Pilot. 

    Are Your Dreams Scary, Unmanageable and Unsatisfying?  Then it is time for you to take charge of your power – to admit that you are in control of your own brain.

    Look forward to dreaming. I like waking up in the early dawn because when I go back to sleep I can set an intention for dreaming – all the best dreams (and the most memorable ones) happen at the very end of sleep while you are coming up through the layers of sub- to semi-consciousness.

    Goddesses Are in Tune With Their Inner Voice – Jung tells us that in your dreams, you are everyone. Every life you have ever lived and every life you will ever live comes to you through your dreams.

    Goddesses Are Seekers – We are self-defining. Self-validating. We are on a quest. Goddess experience to the fullest the nature of having a self. Become alert to the possibilities inherent in this particular incarnation and explore.  Feel free to release your imagination.

    Dream Journal – Start a dream journal. Date it, and write, “I want to dream about…” Fill in the blank. Be as detailed and specific as you can manage. It is OK to allow your waking mind to construct desirable dreams – great works of art got their start in just this way! You may hear a voice… someone from the past who discouraged your “day-dreaming” and wanted you to focus on your work, on the present and on them. Explore this memory fearlessly. It is not rejecting or “hating on” that person to disagree with them – there are certainly times when the priority is to focus on other things – but right now you are exploring your own brain and testing out its powers. Clearly that’s an important and necessary project. Gently take control from this Remembered Forbidder and say, “This is my time now. I am in charge.”

    Goddess Danger – We all know the cautionary tale of Scary Guy Who Lives for Video Games and Doesn’t Have a Life. Do you secretly fear that the power of dreams and the pleasures of daydreaming will suck you away from Real World Competence? They won’t – so long as you are reality centered. You will become a  fount of different outcomes and speculative futures with a gift for turning powerful desires into workable avenues of growth and advancement.

    Positive Dreaming Deepens and Enhances, doesn’t evade reality. It’s just that reality is so much wilder – and we are so much more powerful than we can credit!

    Dream Group – Reaching out for allies is always a good idea. Form a Dream Group with others to share the content of your dreams and listen to their fresh interpretations.  You can even try Group Dreaming. Lie on the floor holding hands in semi-darkness playing drowsy music. Share whatever comes up. These are models for your future. Goddesses believe growth goes on forever – even after death. But this path must be chosen.

    Models & Mentors – “I dream things that never were and I say, “Why Not?” – George Bernard Shaw

    “A dreamer finds his way by moonlight…sees dawn before the rest of the world.” – Oscar Wilde

    ‘You have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world”

    – Harriet Tubman

    “I’ve had dreams, and I’ve had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.” – Jonas Salk

    #Haiku: Human Clay Sculpts Angel Wings

    We’re all

    Dirt:

    Humble beginnings launch

    Celestial imaginings

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    The Shadow – Dissonance

    Why Become a Goddess? – Innocents assume that being a goddess means being the center of continuous adulation.  Although people do admire you, competitive pushback is much more common. This alone is usually enough to encourage most women back into the fold. Why ever leave the Approval Matrix and strike out on your own? 

    Dissonance is why. As William Penn, (1644-1718) founder of Pennsylvania considered pacifism, he asked the great Quaker philosopher George Fox (1624-1691) how long he should wear his ceremonial sword, and Fox answered: “As long as you can.” In other words, until you can bear it no longer. When the dissonance overwhelms us, then we must act.

    Goddess Are Sensitive Instruments registering seismic shifts and deep tectonic disturbances below the threshold of consciousness. Something always IS “going on” and you have studied long enough to be alert to the many warning signals! This can be exhausting. We long for relaxation, peace and quiet, a clear blue sky without a single cloud.

    Goddesses’ Feet Find Their Own Path – Enviable, maybe, but scary also. We consider the unseen. Dreaming of reversals?  Sudden surprises? Creeping sense of unease? Upsets? Do you wake with a sense of having forgotten something important you almost understood?

    Who Approves the Approvers? – You’re just not comfortable in the Approval Matrix. Possibly you don’t like or trust the people whose approval you supposedly need. Getting that sneaking suspicion you’ve wandered into a masquerade? You try to learn the rules, but the rules keep changing. You can tell they’re moving the goalposts but no one’s allowed to comment. By the time you arrive, the “promise” has mysteriously “expired.”

    Impostor Syndrome – Are we the fake, or is it everyone around us who’s faking it? “Fake it till you make it” seems to be the rule. But is the game worth playing? Goddesses step away into an arena all their own, where they find the freedom to uncover their true selves. Your Goddess Journal reflects the Goddess Reality. Meditation will reveal your wholeness to you.

    Activate Your Spidey Senses – First, uncover your real self. This ought to be the easy part! Everyone has a self – right? If only! From our earliest memory, not only was “love” conditional but ALL rewards were. We wanted to find out who we really were and what we were capable of but it never seemed the right time. 

    Be the Person Not Determined By An Algorithm. Let’s start by taking our suspicions seriously – you’re not paranoid if they’re REALLY out to get you.

    Goddess Challenge –The key to intelligent management of dissonance is to think of the world as an orchestra playing a symphony. The more able we are to distinguish the varied instruments and musical lines the more we will appreciate and enjoy the experience. Schedule regular periods of rest, rebalancing and renewal.

    Goddess Danger – Avoid a “bunker mentality.” You’re not looking for a hidey-hole. The universe has many bunkers, but is bigger than any single one. Goddesses belong to eternity – that is the whole point of Goddessing. We must cultivate a hierarchy of response. We get out of bed in the middle of the night for a fire alarm, not a phone notification. 

    Loneliness Is Not Required – Don’t allow yourself to become dismissive and numb but seek out like-minded souls.  You will recognize who can provide advice and encouragement and a healthy growth process. Curate your group to promote intelligent awareness in an atmosphere of hope. Dissonance and dormancy are not doom.

    Resistance Is Never Futile – We each will be given a chance to spend our night on the watchtower, but you don’t need to spend every night there. Consider dissonance and discord invitations to accept maturity. We are putting away childish things. The sky is NOT falling, but the climate is under legitimate scientific threat. Strategize ways to take useful action. This is an opportunity to show self-love, as well as love for the group, the environment, the world and the future. The attitude, “I care about you so I’m going to take care of you”,  keeps us sensitive to the message of Universal Love that is always waiting breathlessly to embrace us.

    Suit Up for the Long Haul – Goddesses increase their peripheral senses. Learn how to check for honesty. Test for reality. Check past accounts. Interview friends AND enemies. Is somebody pushing too hard? Trying to “sign you up?” How do they treat wait-staff? Do they speak disrespectfully of others? What’s their philosophy of life?

    When It’s Too Good to Be True – That often means the trap is just about to be sprung. Goddess think for themselves.

    Models & Mentors – Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to fads, trends and popular opinion”

    – Jack Kerouac

    “Better to fail in originality than succeed in imitation”

    – Herman Melville

    “If you don’t fit in, you’re probably doing the right thing” – Henry David Thoreau

    “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth” – John F. Kennedy

    #Haiku: Depth Psychology

    Substrata

    Dissonance?

    Game on!

    Unearth yourself –

    Transect core

    Meanings

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Duality – Ambivalence

    Some People Prefer Risk.   They don’t feel alive unless the situation is dangerous. What kind of goddess are you? The dangerous kind? Can you rush eternity? A hastened Immortality might not happen. More typical is ambivalence. We both want and don’t want – at the same time.

    How Many Different Goddesses Are You? Sometimes we dream disturbingly about things we don’t want and people we aren’t. Feminists dream of rape, vegetarians dream of meat, pacifists dream of fighting.  It’s confusing. What gives?

    Language Isn’t Subtle Enough to Explain You – Your personality manifests all feelings, all thoughts, all ideas, rippling through you in a vast subconscious river. Everyone’s does; not only those who choose to be Immortal. Your unconscious connects with the “collective unconscious” of all other humans – dead, alive, even fictional. They ripple through you regularly. That’s where all your ‘strange thoughts” and “other personalities” come from.

    Why isn’t “hate-love” a word? You experience that regularly. How about “fear-attraction”? Common! What I’m suggesting is that we need to accept the fact that a “personality” is a dynamism, not a label.

    Goddess Challenge – Facing your own fluid multiplicity might seem the toughest part, but it isn’t for artists, who routinely “play” along their edge, peeking over it and imagining life on the other side. Art is the best way to express this, an enormous relief since it’s non-committal. You can stop experimenting any time you choose. It’s a goddess power also. Of course, you’ll have to face the surprise of your relatives when your work becomes public: “Where did THAT come from?” But if truth be told, we’ve always been surprised we’re related to those people.

    Goddess Danger – Society seeks to label, limit and stigmatize. Everyone is afraid of becoming what they fear but Goddesses need to explore and ultimately manage our fear. A simple safe word won’t work when people – bankers, politicians, therapists, employers – are so fundamentally untrustworthy. That is why our identification of ourselves as Brave Goddess is so vital. The vastness of our potential can never be controlled by language. We will never be butterflies pinned down in a museum box for the instruction/curiosity of others.

    Goddess Opportunity – Appreciate your Multiplicitous Self.  Don’t slam the door on any of your potentialities too soon. Sometimes the worst labeler, the most determined jailor, is our own punitive psyche. We are deeply afraid of wandering in the forest and losing the way to get home safe. But Goddesses carry Home within them. As Nelson Mandela used to quote from his prison cell, if we are the captains of our  souls we can be the masters of our fates. (Henley.) We can learn to tolerate a little ambiguity/uncertainty/ambivalence.

    Goddess Tolerate Uncertainty – Being a goddess is all about balance.  The experience of balance-seeking is indescribable linguistically – it must be felt experientially. Goddesses learn to live in a world beyond language where we can savor uncertainty and foretaste eternity.

    Goddess Relish Paradox – Two contraries not only exist together but empower each other – that creative tension is the lifeblood of emotion, imagination and personality.

    Goddess Coast on the Knife-Edge of Ambivalence – The desired is undesirable, the only possibility is impossible and the act of wanting forbids getting. In the Multiverse (Eternity) all your impossibles are actually happening. Goddesses must become comfortable with the pleasures of this dance: “My future dissolves in beads of sweat, my present is my mirror, my past’s a shape-shifting whirligig.” (Aallyn)

    Even Leaders Must Contemplate the Power of  Surrender – We contemplate Everything. Physics is magic and dreams embody history. This quantum world of “spooky entanglements” is one in which we goddesses become expert. We accept not only that the cave we fear holds the treasure we desire, but that we are both cave and treasure, indeed, fear itself.

    Models & Mentors –  “It seems we are capable of immense love and loyalty and as capable of deceit and atrocity. It is this shocking ambivalence that makes us unique.” – John Scott

    “Ambivalence is a wonderful tune to dance to. It has a rhythm all its own.”

    – Erica Jong

    “The Simpsons is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but drives you crazy”

    – Matt Groening

    “Poetry is the home of ambiguity, ambivalence and uncertainty.” – Billy Collins

    #Haiku: Yin/yang

    Inclined to spring forward

    Fade back; yin;

    Urge to return?

    Float forward;

    Yang.

  • Becoming a Goddess – the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    The Lovers – Alliances

      Check your friend list. Do you dream of love, sex, connection? Hand-holding, hugging, family celebrations? We were all born to search for Alliances. An alliance is symbiotic, good for both sides of the equation. To reach out, you must each decide your motive (“I Could Use a Friend”).  Approach with the CERTAINTY that you are WORTHY of friendship. This last one is tricky because we are all looking for validation.  This is the source of many “imposter” dreams where we find ourselves naked in front of the entire class, unprepared on Test Day!

      Goddesses Need Respect – A Goddess is a Soul Apart. You have a mission, and the Other must be worthy of you. You must be able to respect them, too. You can see that dominance/submission becomes a zero-sum game with each trying to knuckle the other under. No relationship can last under that stress and it degenerates into a destructive spiral.

      Goddesses Have Mystery – You are aware of vast reaches of your Self that are unknown and In Development. Most of your promises are tenuous. You are stepping forward with hope into uncharted and potentially dangerous wilderness. This means the pair must accept each other in good faith, as followers of the Light. You will rapidly see you cannot forge relationships until you have a working concept of what the Light is and what its potentialities are. Too many aspirants want the Lover to define them when our obligation is to define ourselves. Accept that with a mystery this vast, it can’t be “solved”. It can only be momentarily elucidated as we receive glimpses of our path and purpose.

      Good Relationships are Complementary – You don’t have to provide everything, and they don’t either. Each of you has lapses and blindness the other can improve. 

      You Are a Giver and Worthy of Help – We can’t get through this alone, and we don’t want to. Luckily, we are surrounded by other humans, struggling, just like us.  If we pledge to help each other, we can dispatch terror and celebrate joy! Comforting! But how can we tell the difference between Builders and Exploiters? We don’t want to end up as someone else’s meal.

      Goddess Danger  – When someone is trying to mangle your self-esteem, recognize this. Even if it comes in the guise of “friendship” this person is an enemy. This is not what friends are for. When someone is trying to “capture” you, i.e. limit and control your possibilities and behavior, that person is a hostage-taker looking for slaves. NOT a friend.

      Goddess Challenge – How to recognize friends? Friends are honest: “I just don’t like that dress but maybe it’s me.” Friends are forgiving, ‘I’m sorry, I was having a bad day. I know you’re sorry, too.”  Friends are fun, “Let’s cheer ourselves up.” Friends are helpful: “Let’s figure a way out of this.” Are you honest, forgiving, fun-loving and helpful? You’re ready to be a friend. Friendship is a good place to start. Be the friend you want to have – warm, funny, loyal, truthful.

      Love Enriches – It Does Not Deplete – – Friends are a mirror in which we see ourselves. We can experiment with possibilities, we can expand our reach.  Our intelligence is doubled, as well as our efforts.  Our sorrows are halved and our ideas are increased exponentially.  Reach out! You never know until you try. And there’s always the possibility of Love and deepening sexual connection.

      Love Transforms as a Goddess Transforms – Things you thought you could not do seem possible now because someone believes in you. Believe in yourself because they do, and honor them by believing in them, in return.

      Locked Back to Back the Goddess Pair Sees Everything – Gaze turns outward at the world, not inward on each other. Are you chewing or strengthening? Learn the steps of your tango. Add new steps of your own.

      As You Change, the Couple Changes – Compare Training Journals. Are you evolving? Can you evolve together? Is it safe to speak the truth? Does one partner try to dominate? Does one partner use infantile behaviors to get “their way”? There is no “one way.” As joint goddess, the couple has goals also. Compare. Allow differences. The truth will be revealed.

      Models & Mentors – “You are my sun, my moon and all my stars”

      – e.e. cummings

      “All that we love deeply becomes a part of us” – Helen Keller

      “Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place” – Zora Neale Hurston

      “Love is not proud or boastful, keeps no record of past mistakes – love rejoices in the truth” –

      II Corinthians

      “Laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live” – Rumi

      #Haiku: The Lovers

      Falling upwards

      Into you

      My other wing, my second

      Clapping hand

    1. The Goddess Oracle – claiming your Immortality by Alysse Aallyn

      1. Ego – You

      What kind of goddess are you? is the central question. Your body and spirit have a “grain” much like wood does – we call it “temperament. Going against this spoils your future. Your ego has work to do, figuring out who you are and what kind of strategy you excel at.  What tools fit naturally to your hand? We think, we remember, we discuss, we write and we dream. Jung tells us that in your dream, you are everyone. 

      You Are A Seeker  – You are self-defining and self-validating. You are on a quest. You wish to explore your possible incarnations.

      Goddess Danger – The worst hazard of self-reflection is not navel-gazing (micro study can be very revealing) but solipsism. Aloneness may in fact be Hell. We can never lose touch with those around us because it is others we are fighting for, not for Self alone. Many warlords, sensing your promise, will try to recruit or outright capture you. Avoid warlords who fail to treat you with respect.  In our increasingly autocratic world we are very familiar with Aging Babies who want the rest of us to nursemaid their fussy, immaturity because Growing Up is Ouchy. For God’s sake, for your own sake, for the benefit of the Universe and in hope of Eternity, don’t cater to or worse yet, BECOME one of THOSE. There is no shame in telling others you are “finding yourself.”

      Goddess Challenge – Set a Spirituality Schedule to reflect your needs and interests. Appoint time to be absolutely alone, for meditation and reflection. If you cannot find a room to yourself, a closet will do. You can sit in the meditation position or assume any position that allows you to be comfortable enough to become physically forgetful.  Concentrate first on building a life that allows both inner and outer growth. Surround yourself with people who respect this decision.

      Goddess Opportunity – This is a journey. Accept it. Begin a journal with 1. “I” and write down your meditation thoughts and desires. This can be a poem, a fantasy, a checklist – whatever pattern occurs to you as supportive of your desires. Make a list of goals. Accept that it will evolve, transform.  Push shame away. This is about YOU. Of course as you mature, your goals will evolve, and your journal will reflect that. When you have completed your Time Alone – ten minutes to an hour – whatever works for you – pat yourself on the back. What an achievement! You are started on a path of making changing Nightmares into Dreams and making dreams come true.

      Planning & Mapping:  Goddesses lead a designed life. A diary (also called a Training Journal) offers the ideal format in which to plan. Attempt to quantify the difficulties that you feel and assess possible reactions. Just because a situation is tough does not mean it shouldn’t be explored – on the contrary:

      – A goddess repels takeover  – You are your own goddess – not somebody else’s hired emblem.

      • A goddess feels instinctively what she needs to defend – your soul will reveal it to you – through relationships, through instinct, through time and through dreams.
      • A goddess knows when to let down her guard – there are times to connect, to share, to Love.
      • A goddess learns from mistakes and hones her art. There is no Failure: only Learning. All education is precious.
      • Goddesses look for opportunities – Resistance training sharpens our game. We are each other’s cuttle bones, as well as cuddle bones.
      • Goddesses aren’t afraid of difficulty – the more time it takes the more fun it is. Your life is a long story, full of exciting challenges. Goddesses love gathering around the campfire to share adventures.

      The First Resistance – Often savage, it comes from yourself. Slowly we realize we have hijackers inside our brains wrestling for control. You can recognize these by their negative content. They clearly wish to subdue us into clones which is NOT HEALTHY.

      Becoming a Goddess – It is this resistance that first marks our goddess status. Congratulate yourself. You are on the road.

      Training Journal – Carefully assess your desires versus the demands on you. List expected results if you gave in to either. Develop a concept of health. Is “freedom” staying up all night, consuming whatever substance makes you “feel better”? Clearly not. Assess the negative voice; “You’re weak”, for example. Being “in flight” from the negative voice is actually giving it mastery, so you must stand up to it. Learn to answer back – “I’m in training. I did better today than yesterday.” Keep track of your achievements. Even really small ones: “I meditated for 10 minutes” are significant.

      Accept mystery: Life isn’t “win or lose.” It can’t be quantified because we are magical souls with magic coursing through us. Sometimes it’s impossible to figure out and must simply be absorbed, not rationalized. Learn to enjoy art and accept the relief it offers. Reflect back as much magic & mystery as you can muster. Your tastes will develop according to your growth – that’s a good thing. Treat yourself like a loving sensei who wants the best for you.

      Models & Mentors: Always survey possible models. Who do you admire?

      Is it

      Bruce Lee? “The difference between a goddess and an average man is laser focus.”

      Is it Carl Jung? “I am not what happened to me I am what I choose to become.” Read.  Study. Educate yourself. Develop your own models.

      “Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego falls with it” – Colin Powell

      “Don’t let your ego get in the way of your success”- Tony Horton

      “The ego seeks to divide and separate. The spirit seeks to unify and heal.” – Pema Chodron

      #Haiku: Id vs Ego

      Argumentative

      Executioner

      Prowls brain

      Seeking

      Loopholes

    2. Animus – a ghost story by Alysse Aallyn

      Animus ONE – DEAD & BURIED


      Andrew looked up from the Food section of the Sunday Times. “Did he jump out of his coffin and give everybody the finger?”


      “No.” I sat down on a Brazilian leather cube impersonating a chair. “He left me a lot of money.”


      That made Arnold sit up straight. Finally I had produced something worthy to compete with three- melon risotto. “How much?”


      “A lot.” Two beats. “All of it.”


      I hadn’t seen Arnold this excited in a long time. “This is the uncle we never once went to visit, even though he only lived in New Rochelle?”


      “He’s the one.”


      “And there are a lot of other relatives…” I saw the penny drop. “Is this the same guy who used to feel you up when you were little?”


      “He’s the one.”


      Arnold whistled. “Wow!” he said, “Break out the champagne! Let’s drink to old fashioned Calvinist
      guilt!”

      But I couldn’t drink. “There’s an unpaid

      housekeeper who says she’ll sue.” I tried dismissing that

      ugly scene from my mind. But ugly scenes don’t go so
      easily.


      “Screw her,” he laughed, “Doubtless the old man did. To the one who got away!” he snorkled. “With…” drum-roll on the glass coffee table… “all the money!”


      “I could split it with her,” I said thoughtfully. “Except that I need it all.” And if I divorced Arnold, I’d have to split it with him.


      His eyes narrowed over my unusual decisiveness. “Sounds like you’ve made a plan.”


      “I have. I’m pregnant and I’m moving.”


      He rose to pursue me to the kitchen. I was the pursued one now.


      “Rich? Pregnant? Moving?” He banged his palm against his chest. “It’s a lot to handle for one afternoon. Where are you going, oh helpmeet?”


      “Upstate. The country.” There was no champagne. Of course not. There had been nothing to celebrate for so, so long. I poured us each an apple juice. “You could come with.” Two beats. “But you’d have to give up your girlfriend.”


      Surprise! I saw him try to toss it off and keep on dancing. “What’s that? Getting jealous are we? Symptomatic of your condition?”


      “Gayle.” I leaned forward, giving back the name. “She sent me such a charming letter.” In which she stated her utter non-comprehension of why the moody bitch wouldn’t just step aside and let the poor, kind,
      considerate man go free. Ugh. Apple juice is disgustingly sweet. I’ve never understood how adults can covet the provinces of children. Poor little sugar addicts, they are ruined before they start. I tried adding powdered tea from a mix. Still bad. The no-liquor lifestyle is a tough sell.


      He was sputtering like a damp firecracker. But it was not Arnold’s turn to speak.


      “Screwing students is the beginning of the end for a teacher. You’re lucky she notified me and not the superintendent.”


      Unfortunately I could always read Arnold’s mind. He really needs to get some more interesting thoughts. I saw him deciding he’d better stop aimless denial until confronted with the evidence against him.


      “Why upstate?” he bartered, testing me. “Why not, say, Europe?”


      “Because,” I answered, “I like to get something for my money.” That alone made me my uncle’s worthy heir. Glittering silver dollars lit the darkened rooms of memory. I persisted — for I’m nothing if not persistent — “Haven’t you heard of the curse of the lottery winner? They spend it all and then some. I want a property I can buy outright – debt-free.” Wouldn’t it be heaven owing nobody nothing?


      He toddled toward the window on his be- jeaned insect legs. He looks much better in big-boy pants. Was he trying to imagine life without me? Or without New York? So I sealed the deal with a siren song. “You could finish your screenplay…”

    3. Rough Sleep – a play by Alysse Aallyn

      JAZZ
      Time to forgive yourself.


      CHASE
      Oh, that’ll be easy. Walk in the park.


      JAZZ
      I’m still here.


      CHASE
      You’re scared to leave because Bex is out there.


      JAZZ
      That’s not it. I’m here because I want to be. I can handle Bex. His pride is hurt but he’s basically lazy. I don’t matter that much to him. He spent all our time together trying to convince me I was worthless and making him look bad.


      CHASE
      Sounds like my dad. Except I really was all he had. His only son.


      JAZZ
      You’re not responsible for him. Bex wanted me to believe that I was stuck with him, but he wasn’t stuck with me, that I owed him a debt that kept mysteriously increasing.


      CHASE
      Ouch. I need a shower. Want to come?


      JAZZ
      Oh, no you don’t! We’re not finished yet! Why come after Corso? Why pick this college?


      CHASE
      You really want me to roll in it, don’t you? Can’t you just be a good soulmate and fill in the blanks?


      JAZZ
      Total honesty. Full disclosure. Tell each other everything, don’t you agree?


      CHASE
      Maybe.


      JAZZ
      So when Bex bothers me you want me keeping it secret?


      CHASE
      Hell no! Point taken.
      (forcing himself to reminisce)
      I just couldn’t get it out of my mind that nothing bad happened to Corso. No jail time! No publicity. No fines even. They made him promise not to work with children, but he’d graduated to teenagers by that time anyway. I gradually realized the money was to control me, so I wouldn’t tell the police. Blood money. What a bad deal that was. He wasn’t controlled! Rewarded, if anything. I might as well have been protecting him. When I looked him up – there he is running “perceptual studies” at a prestigious college! That sound like “punishment” to you?


      JAZZ
      That would be punishment for me, but I get what you mean.


      CHASE
      So I decided to kill him. It’s the only way. I mean, Corso’s a monster, right? And he’s only getting worse. I grew up, I bulked up, I legally changed my name, I disguised myself every way I could think of. I mean, he hadn’t seen me since I was a squeaky-voiced platinum haired tot of thirteen.


      JAZZ
      But let me guess. He recognized you right away.


      CHASE
      He just assumed I couldn’t live without him. I was there to bring him souls!


      JAZZ
      You confronted him?


      CHASE
      He says the university knows all about his “spot of bother.” There’s no official record. To hear him tell it, we were co-victims!


      JAZZ
      Co-victims!


      CHASE
      Yeah. Of religion. Of repression. Of the fifties, of his parents – you name it. But he’s fine now. Happily married, to a nice older lady who just happens to be rich! He’s “freed” himself, see, from his horrible past and he just wants to liberate everybody else.


      JAZZ
      What a bastard.


      CHASE
      So either I get the goods on him or I kill him. There aren’t other options. If that makes me a monster, then, that’s what I’ll be.


      JAZZ
      Hard luck on me, having a monster for a soulmate. What did I do to deserve this?


      CHASE
      Clearly you attract monsters.


      JAZZ
      You sell us both short. If you wanted to be a monster, you would be one already. You’ve been here four years!


      CHASE
      I got distracted. College is interesting – wrestling, debate club, research, biofeedback… Suddenly I found myself in a much bigger world. But whatever avenue I went down… he was always there ahead of me. Like, he’s the creator of everything and I’m just his mutant, the cuckoo on his clock. I want a world without Corso, a universe to call my own, but… he’s polluted everything.


      JAZZ
      So he still holds you hostage.


      CHASE
      He’s inside me. He’s like, taken over the inside of me. Robbed me of my self. I always seem to know exactly what he’ll do, or say, so in some sick way it’s me doing it. There’s no “me” any more, as long as he’s alive. My only hope is to off him.


      JAZZ
      That’s stinking thinking. If you kill him, he still wins. You’d be linked to him forever. I refuse to lose a perfectly good soulmate. You’re nothing like Corso. He’s soulless and that’s why he collects souls. You’re real. Without a self, how could you have a soulmate? Knowing him just makes him easier to trap. If we’ve learned anything, it is that he’s up to no good. He’s a predator- parasite. We’ve got to keep that straight. Trust?


      CHASE
      If only I could believe in souls. I don’t feel indestructible. I’m staying alive by the force of my resistance.


      JAZZ
      You woke me.


      CHASE
      That’s what we have in common. You resisted Bex.


      JAZZ
      I’ll say! He worked so hard to keep me down. We recognized each other. We’re the same.
      (passionately kiss)


      CHASE
      It’s only our worlds that keep changing.


      JAZZ
      It’s love.


      CHASE
      And we keep falling into it. “Falling” seems more than a metaphor.


      JAZZ
      If we’re in the middle of something extraordinary, we’ve got to stop looking with ordinary eyes.


      CHASE
      But everything’s corpses. Corso threatens life itself.


      JAZZ
      Murderers do tend to round up the refugees.


      CHASE
      He’s poisoning us. The question is whether it’s terminal. I wish I knew what was in that stuff he gave us.


      JAZZ
      Who cares what he gave us? He wants you to think he’s some scientific mastermind wielding a secret weapon. We’re the ones with the secret weapon.


      CHASE
      Some amnesiac, like scopolamine or propanolol. Without memory, he assumes we lose identity. But stress-based experiences are processed like dreams – we keep having flashbacks.


      JAZZ
      And flash-forwards. But we all formed new memories – some of them pretty crazy I admit – but others right on target. Look at Soliz falling through my window, Zane at the toxic dump, Koo with her body-bags. Something happened to us and he doesn’t want us to find out what. Bex wants me thinking he’s all powerful and everywhere so I’ll feel weak and helpless and give up, and Corso’s exactly the same. You must have gotten close –that’s why he fired you.


      CHASE
      He didn’t reckon with us happening.


      JAZZ
      We have a superpower!


      CHASE
      I’m scared the universe is setting us up, just to knock us back down.


      JAZZ
      But the universe loves creators, and lovers are the ultimate creators.


      CHASE
      Creation takes so long and destruction lasts forever.


      JAZZ
      Doesn’t the green growth keep coming up?


      CHASE
      Death is inevitable. It’s life that’s the surprise. In wrestling your attacker takes himself down. We need to find Corso’s weak spot –


      JAZZ
      He’s not immortal, is he?


      CHASE
      God, I hope not.


      JAZZ
      I mean, if he keeps swelling up with everybody else’s souls he’s going to explode. The universe will take care of Corso.