God said, “Bring for the creeping things” It is you who are a creeping thing thinks Lord Julian Of his pasty priest, with the Underdone face.
Were he a fish I’d throw him back. Good thing his knees are flexible as his Scripture. The priest speaks Of dominion, something
His lordship understands. It means Possession without surrendering the Self. Power begs abuse. He’s the master, he alone
Understands that here. Necessity’s The chain that stops the dumb animal Straying. Lifting eyes to the Steepled trees he feels the boredom of fall
Fade into the dullness of winter. The animals would be fat Were any left – ripe for scissoring but He ripped too many out.
Life’s start and stop – a blood bath brings Renewal. These men could stand a wallowing. They await his pleasure with Lowered eyes.
His pleasure is not them. He needs Men glamorous as girls, hopes As high as fever but none Are to be found.
Like the animals, they are gone. Julian’s scarred hands twitch the reins – Each scar is named, he counts them proudly: Attempted usurpation
The burning brand, the bear that fought The dog that turned on him The boar defending young. Past pain surmounted
Makes him long for wounds – A cut so deep he looks into The creature’s eyes for Some sweet glimpse of freedom.
Lord Julian, the scorpion-hearted Scents a smell the dogs can’t follow – The jingling behind him should be men The silky shadow should be deer.
His horse afraid – the creature moves Too smooth – when he dismounts Avenger plummets off – now He’s alone in moss and slime.
This thing is stalking him! He sees it through the trees Smells hot stink – a tiger! What ghost is this?
The prickled hairs stood high – he threw His knife – a sailor’s trick but Useless. He saw boars Twelve deep, spirals snorting
Through their tusks. The trees Morphed into deer and every beast He’d ever killed surrounded him. Face forward in the muck
At least the mud was real. Fox feet pattered, the tiger whisked him With its ruff – he dreamed a lifetime Lying there – every friend a slight
And every promise broken. This dark that stops his ears is surely death. But when he stands it’s not hell he sees but Dripping swamp. The mare he kicked and drove
Now leads him home. His blood is dried But he must cleanse the blood of others. To be struck he understands, now he must Know what spared him.
Washerwomen lift their heads At his approach – they don’t recognize this man. Hiding faces not from fear but Some new glory.
Mirabel cinched me tight. “There!” The mirror exposed a stranger. I was a new person. “Too much dress” said Mirabel, “But with skyscraper shoes…” From the closet she threw out bundles.
“I’d rather wear flats,” I told her. She reproved: “Verne is very tall.” Who cares how tall HE is? “Bridesmaid shouldn’t tower over bride!” I suggested; Reining in the Clashing egos.
In weird familial telepathy Mirabel declaimed, “Princess Richenda To the Dark Tower came. Just like Tarot cards.” I admired my nude, mirrored Ribboned back. “But how about your dress?” “You’ve seen it.” Like breath went out of her – She tossed it out – they were identical.
How could that be? Wasn’t that too strange? I was gobsmacked – Never heard of bride and bridesmaid Wearing the same dress – Think of the confusing pictures – People getting entirely Wrong ideas.
“Isn’t that bad luck?” I questioned; “The groom will see the gown Before they’re hitched” – Ending Lamely, “If you believe That sort of thing.” I petered out because No one DOES believe that sort of thing. “My dress is size “zero” –“ Sniffed Mirabel –
Competitive, Combative Mirabel, and I was silenced. She knocked my phone right out of my hand – Sussing out my efforts to bring in troops – Mom would NEVER approve of this! “No pictures till the wedding.”
Her pressured speech rushed on – And on – “And now – we dress for dinner.” More fantasy clothes. I looked embarrassed at my Wrinkled skirt Discarded Carapace along the floor – shriveling Like my pride.
Mirabel threw open mirrored Doors to reveal another bedroom – This one stocked with girlish stuff. “This room is yours -” She told me – “He’s staying at The Stanhope.”
I blushed – I don’t know why – He’d called this residence “his” – But these closets were packed With Mirabel clothes so Where did I fit in? My sister unbound my dress –
I’m not used to Clothes that need assistants. There’s no getting out of these gowns Without help. “These are yours -”
Blue slits whose ruffles Matched my eyes – A dress with scales – Peekaboo and baby-doll Price tags proclaiming The less the dress the more the cost.
No bras here either – And everything my size. What was going on? Angrily I chose heels to tower over Mirabel – we’ll see who’s boss – But she didn’t seem to mind.
Her makeup kit delivered smoky eye, nude mouth and Emerald glitter. “Verne hates the kiss of Lipstick.” Who cares? These people kiss the air – I couldn’t Get the hang of this.
She wore cherry red chinoiserie – Now I’m impostor too. “He’s waiting at the Stanhope Bar.” We were silent in the elevator. I clutched the fur I’d borrowed Feeling naked –
Summoning up my nerve but Maribel seemed depressed. Deflated. Encumbered? With me? With Verne? With family obligation? Traditions I could Only guess at? I tried to play my role. “So… how did he propose?”
My query’s gaucheness seemed Amplified by elevator doors Whose golden mirror Bent our beauty so Unflatteringly we seemed Haunted.
“It’s not about when he proposed,” she Told me crisply, “but “When I accepted. He Proposed the first night we met – Five years ago – Said we’d marry – If he could get approval From his trustees.” Much to puzzle out in here! So trustees must propose to Mirabel?
O Bad New World that has Such creatures in it. “Five years ago? Was this a secret?” Why didn’t anyone – snoopy Richenda in fact – Find this out? “He hates the press – “ says Mirabel,
Whose explanations Don’t explain. “He Wants me to himself. And I was so unready – seeing other people…LOTS of other people.” Poor Verne! We nodded at the doorman, Safe beside the limo
I whispered, “How’d he win You over?” But Mirabel Did not seem to want to discuss This sacred aspect of their story. She dismissed me. “He was so adoring.”
She bundled me inside the car then Backed away confronted by a ghost. “I forgot something. Tell Verne I’ll be along.”
The car swept away, leaving Mirabel Huddled by the curb – overwhelmed by Her mink coat.
(PERSEY & BISH finish their yoga with a good gossip when – unexpectedly – ROY, PERSEY’S husband – who hates BISH – comes home)
BISH But I have no playmate As you cruelly point out. (Sighs)
PERSEY Sorry. (Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY Cupcake! I’m home! Where the hellz is my baby?
(PERSEY & BISH galvanize. He picks up scattered clothes and rushes, dripping, to change behind a screen. DIGGER lifts a head to show some interest. PERSEY jumps back in the hot tub. ROY appears.)
PERSEY Just chillaxing.
ROY I’m down with that! (Strips and jumps in with her)
PERSEY I thought you were with Babe.
ROY Dumped her at the depot. She can Uber home.
PERSEY Roy, you didn’t! She just had back surgery!
ROY She wouldn’t stop bitchin’. You know how she gets. Hey, what’s with the bathing suit? (Trying to disrobe her)
PERSEY Sometimes…if I’m alone
ROY I got dibs on this body!
(Kissing and fondling her. PERSEY frantically signaling over his head to BISH who’s crawling towards the door, DIGGER following him with much interest. ROY suddenly sniffs the air)
ROY Has that she-male been here?
PERSEY Roy! Bish is my friend!
ROY If society had smarts we’d Exterminate those guys. Mixed-up sexes Don’t know WHAT they are.
(PERSEY tries to muffle him with kisses)
PERSEY Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.
ROY I do mean it. Queers are just trash people. Who wants a world Where men forget to be male?
PERSEY Would they stop knifing and shooting?
(A panicked BISH makes a dash for it, drops a shirt. DIGGER barks, picks up the shirt, returns to the fire to mouth it)
ROY What’s up with that dog? He’s chewing up something… Better not be mine!
(A lone WOLF howls)
PERSEY (Climbing on his lap trying to interest him in sex) It’s a dishrag I gave him. Want to fool around? Or would you like a beer?
ROY That dog better Stay out of my stuff, I’m warning you.
(Shouting over PERSEY’s shoulder to DIGGER)
I’ll put that dog down! Where he belongs!
(DIGGER attacks the shirt more aggressively – ROY makes a move to leap out of the tub – PERSEY grabs remote to light portrait – it looks right at ROY – WOLVES’ Chorus)
ROY Fuck me!
(ROY appears gobsmacked. Lights off on PERSEY house, up on shirtless BISH putting shoes on at the side of the stage. JAROD – ROY’S cop friend – approaches, hails him. They began to tango.)
JAROD Hel-lo sugar! What have we here?
BISH Didn’t know you were interested.
JAROD Call me a collector. Sampling anything new. What’s on offer?
BISH Why settle for anything When you can have Everything?
Scene 6 (PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH Your breath! Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY (Gasping) Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s Been…shot.
BISH But your sleeping swan’s A thing of beauty and A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY (Huffing and puffing) Stuck in my gut.
BISH No ego.
PERSEY No ego.
BISH And hold…. Flirt with your edge. Find your power – Soften… Release… Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH Now Corpse Pose Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY That’s an easy one! Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH When I’m old and You’re wrinkly. (She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH (Looks around and whispers) So… I’m intuiting Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance Just a trifle?
PERSEY (Hands him his drink) Which vigilance is that?
BISH The vigilance that’s scared to death Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad. I like having a man I know can defend me.
BISH It’s the lure of fascism, darling. No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY Oh, shush. Shriek like a train whistle if The spirit moves you. Roy And his mother are Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave. I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH Surprising they spend So much time together Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY Hate’s love to some people. She’s hard to take, but Some of us have to. I feel kind of sorry for her. She makes her own misery.
BISH But don’t we love drama? I envy you Persey! What fun you folks have! Scarify me with tales Of Legendary Dead Brother. So what made poor Bruce Suicide himself?
PERSEY You can’t get a straight story Out of that woman. On her bad days He was murdered.
BISH MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY The suspects keep changing. It’s a very strange family.
BISH But there’s only the two of them! I suppose they fill out the crowd With personal demons!
PERSEY Babe resurrects Bruce Whenever she needs him. And now we’ve got Jarod Shoehorning his way in.
BISH But Jarod takes Roy’s side! Can’t you appreciate? It makes the sides even.
PERSEY I guess a strange Family ‘s better than no family at all. Which was where I came in.
BISH Or none we’ll admit to. We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained! If folks insist on emoting Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY Speaking of corpse pose, Digger found a skeleton!
BISH An actual dead person?
PERSEY Bones. Old remains in the woods. But scary enough! (Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH (Sips drink…reacts…likes) What’s your Glamorous Nazi Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY Silly! I’d never tell Roy! Roy warns me NEVER to Walk in the woods.
BISH Did you notify Jarod The Law? (Sighs ecstatically) Jarod the Beautiful Jarod the Sex Cop? Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed By someone like HIM! “DON’T rough me up, officer! I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY Jarod’s not beautiful! He’s spoiled like bad meat. He’s bewitched my poor Roy. Like some substitute twin.
BISH If you’re keeping secrets I won’t breathe a word. But that Jarod’s man-jelly In search of a sandwich. I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY You think EVERYBODY Swings EVERY way.
BISH Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY Jarod looks out For just Jarod only. Did I tell you He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY Oh, she’s impossible. She LOOVES Jarod. I tell Roy if he’ not careful He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH Persey, how delightful! Your life is so complicated! So, that skeleton’s still out there Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop Of my own. Aren’t you always Saying, Get out Persey, Embrace new experience!
BISH Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY Oh, Bish, I DID. He’s a very nice cop and I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH Oh, my God Persey! Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of. You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed! You’ve surpassed Teacher. No longer a poor, trembly princess Locked alone in her tower. So, dish about cop! Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY Our attraction’s cerebral. He’s a puzzle maven. He Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY (Thoughtfully) I do respect men Who know how to talk.
BISH Which is why you love me. So, what secrets Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY That I suspect Jarod!
BISH Oh, Persey, You’re just jealous ‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY You don’t know Jarod like I do. He’s always bragging About doing folks down.
BISH I’m warning you girly – Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH I do love a good monster. Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY That Jarod’s a weasel! A weasel who’s dirty. He fixed every traffic ticket Roy ever had.
BISH Persey, you’re watching WAY too much television!
PERSEY What if Jarod’s a serial killer? Digger absolutely loathes him (DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth) And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY Try to keep up! My cop friend just told me There’s MULTIPLE body parts Dumped in that forest. People go missing In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH Multiple body parts? How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY Poor Bish! Nobody cares For the vulnerable So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH What kind of people? MY kind of people?
PERSEY OUR kind of people. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
BISH Passing through HERE? Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you Woods-walking either!
PERSEY Yeah but I’m not a victim. Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH Oh, look in a mirror! Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey. If Jarod’s so machiavellian He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY He’s a sadist, poor Bish. You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH Suddenly we’re a fourgy! Roy’s jealous of ME And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH Persey – much as I love you …Adorable as you are… You’re not my type.
PERSEY He knows WE talk about Things I can’t say to HIM. He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH Doesn’t everyone? Roy tells his Man Buddy Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY Dumb stuff, probably. Things like Guns, knives and wars. You know they dressed a deer In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH You mean they UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY Jarod brings out Roy’s Worst side. Imposture, Pretense – Loads of sick Macho crap.
BISH Well…a LITTLE imposture – And a soupçon of crap – Can be very alluring.
PERSEY It ISN’T! I loathe poseurs!
BISH Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are Dependent on posing or we’d get No partners at ALL! So far Roy’s uncooperative With your civilizing pressure? Hmm…wonder why… With a mother like that?
PERSEY It’s just because poor Roy was so Tormented by his only brother.
BISH He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY He has a starved, hungry ego. But he’s an angel to me.
BISH You call me too-trusting? Never trust anyone With so many rules. Who needs knives and guns When he’s got silver spoons? He could accept the real US If he put his head right.
PERSEY He’s getting there, I swear it. If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH You’re boring me, Persey. Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH Aaaah….
PERSEY (Lifting pile of towels and whispering) Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH THAT was refreshing. For someone.
PERSEY (Mopping up frantically with towels) Roy just hates it When Digs makes a mess!
BISH See what I mean? Stop running and jumping And twitching for him!
PERSEY Oh, hush. You’d cater adoringly To somebody special.
BISH Below the belt, that one! I can’t like my best friend locked up As a baby machine.
PERSEY Roy doesn’t want children! He can’t share me with a dog! That’s just Mama’s nagging. Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH Who’s posing now? Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY It’s a state secret, Bish – You can’t ever tell!
Scene 4 (PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5 (The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY There’s a skeleton Around here somewhere, officer.
NED (Skeptically) That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY Are you even a detective? I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED “Open Unsolved”. I’m all that there is.
PERSEY You sound defeated. On the verge of retirement?
NED Hell no, lady. Never. Too many cold cases. I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY Sounds like a death wish.
NED It’s a life wish. I love my work.
PERSEY Searching for … skeletons?
NED Solving puzzles. Perfecting antennae. Following undercurrents Right to their source. (He kicks the leaves) Where’d you unearth This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY It’s around here someplace. It was Digger who found it. (Kneels to talk to DIGGER) Remember those bones, boy? Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY I know he speaks wolf.
NED Wolf?
PERSEY Wolves howl at him and He howls right back.
NED No wolves around here.
PERSEY Coyotes, then. Coywolves. Something’s howling. I’ve seen ‘em.
NED Feral dogs more likely. Tame goes wild more often Than the other way round.
PERSEY You’re argumentative.
NED I respect facts When assembling theory. Dogs taste the outdoors And they never go back.
PERSEY Just like some people. Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one. Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY So, what special skills Do puzzle mavens require?
NED Pattern recognition. Patterns are everything; The basis of speech Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED What you got there, boy? (DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED This what you saw?
PERSEY Definitely not. Bones! Digger! Skeleton! Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED (Might be bragging – just a bit) Wouldn’t be the first corpse Located hereabouts.
PERSEY No! How many were there?
NED (With relish) Multiple body dumps. Arms, legs, Torsos. So many go missing.
PERSEY Jarod was right!
NED You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY You know him?
NED (Evasive: suddenly circumspect) Well…he’s a cop. So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thin blue line.
NED Very thin.
PERSEY Power shields power. I know all about it. He’s my husband’s best friend. Claims to be “expert” but Usually wrong. He’s Wrong about everything. I’m surprised he spoke truth about Forests of corpses.
NED You don’t like him.
PERSEY I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED He talks police business?
PERSEY If he thinks he’s impressing! That he’s smarter than anyone! He collects slaves — “Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins” That’s his motto. He’s got lots of followers – Information’s his currency – Bragging and scaring – Trying to frighten – “Don’t walk in the woods!” He LOVES scaring women.
NED (Being The Cop) What did he tell you?
PERSEY “Boy girls come to bad ends”. He really hates anyone Who isn’t his slave. Roy envies his power – I ignored him. Till I found that skeleton.
NED He’s out of line. Information comes in Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY (Pointedly) I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY Men always say that.
NED Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY But investigation’s exciting!
NED You find my work exciting?
PERSEY I don’t know about puzzles But I favor the truth There’s the real power – Knowing what happened.
NED Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY Who’s alive and who’s dead Who’s a demon pretending – Who’s a monster despoiling; only Mimicking life.
NED (He gets right to the point) You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY I’m not willing to hang around him Long enough to find out.
NED Here’s what I know – We’re all demonic In our own special way.
PERSEY Speak for yourself.
NED If these woods shelter corpses How come you’re still here?
PERSEY ‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive. Trees can’t hurt you. These woods are a temple – A Most Sacred Place. Stupid people think they’re nowhere It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY Oh Digger! You frustrating dog!
NED (Snatches at the silk) Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee Dropped her pants in the woods. Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED (Places his find in an evidence bag) Meow! Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY Over Misty. Under Stormee.
NED What’s the number of wives Jarod is up to? Never mustered more Than two wives, myself. I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY You know what I want! Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY Jarod sheds wives seasonally Like the snake that he is.
NED So what are you doing when You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY Reading and thinking. I sit on my deck and Gaze into the trees.
NED Sounds relaxing. She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY Do your missing have names?
NED Eh?
PERSEY You said there’s so many. Don’t these missing Have names?
NED Everyone has names. Monikers, nicknames Aliases Given names, borrowed names Street names – Disguises; red herrings; Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY So many lost women!
NED Didn’t say they were women. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
PERSEY Passing through HERE?
NED Or somebody brought them. Along for the ride.
PERSEY Why does nobody know?
NED “High risk victims”. It’s a way Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY (Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous) I knew you could do it! Smart dog! Who’s a puppy As clever as beautiful? Digger is! I’ll say!
NED Wish I got that much attention For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY Probably should. He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
Now we need forensics, a search team of Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY (Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs) REAL sniffer dogs? That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED (Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head) Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED Sorry, no. There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY Paperwork, ugh! Nothing doing. My husband never likes me Getting involved.
NED But you are involved, now. Aren’t you?
PERSEY Can’t I be secret? A secret informant? After all, who needs to know? Maybe Jarod’s the killer! I’ll tell all about Jarod. Just keep ME a secret.
NED Even informants have paperwork. You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer? There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY Do we have a deal?
NED OK, I’ll bite. I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY Sure, you take the credit. Digger prefers backrubs.
NED What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY He brags about killing. About his “justified kills” He’s cold and he’s fake Looks for every advantage. He likes people’s suffering. He says he kills people As part of his job.
NED I heartily doubt it. Undercover’s a whole different ethos But word gets around.
PERSEY The man lies like he breathes.
NED Those guys specialize in Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY How about you?
NED I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY Drinkers and braggers Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED I’m interested in all you can tell me. We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY Solving puzzles – Making theories! Sounds Deliciously different. Now I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
(BABE, (Persey’s mother-in-law) a commanding, magnificent, scary older woman strides into the yard, holding a blanket and calling,)
BABE Persey! Persey, where are you?
(PERSEY & DIGGER emerge from the forest, both looking dirty, scratched and sheepish) Oh, my goodness, poor PERSEY! What happened to you!
PERSEY Er – Hello – Mother.
(Allowing herself to be enclosed in a blanket, she says with bitter irony) You weren’t expected.
BABE Please call me Babe – Everyone does! Aren’t we family? Aren’t I spontaneous? Spontaneity’s a right Claimed by mothers-in-law.
(Guiltingly)
I can’t be alone today- It’s BRUCE’s DEATH anniversary!
(Throaty gasps)
PERSEY I thought that was last month.
BABE (On the edge of hysteria) No! No! It’s tonight! Roy’s too sweet twin brother! I still see him hanging Neck so distorted A hideous specter to torment a mother!
(A scary, elongated shadow projects against the wall.)
PERSEY I’m so sorry. I guess we forgot. Today’s Jarod’s birthday.
BABE Dear Jarod! How is he?
PERSEY (Pulling thistles out of protesting DIGGER’s fur) Having the time of his life, Thanks to you.
BABE (Majestic and cold) Jarod deserves our support. I called with good wishes Roy said you were on your way home. That was hours ago! And your cellphone is HERE! Where’s the Mercedes, Persey? Did you wreck the Mercedes?
(Threateningly)
You KNOW you can tell me.
PERSEY The Mercedes is fine, Babe. But it’s Midsummer night – Digger needed a walk, So, I thought –
BABE (Full of disgust) Oh, Persey You’re the limit! Don’t TELL me that ill-favored mutt Dragged you to the woods! Surely Jarod warned you? There’s killers abroad! Your husband forbade you – The forest is VERMINOUS And my future grandchildren Deserve better than THAT! Have that fleabag put down, Get a highly-trained guard dog From an ACCREDITED school! An attack dog, not some troublemaker Who waltzes with thorn bushes! (DIGGER and BABE bare their teeth at each other. She moves to strike, he cowers but lifts his leg when she turns away. PERSEY shields DIGGER)
BABE We all worry about you You promised Roy! Do your promises mean NOTHING? PERSEY, my girl?
PERSEY Roy knew I walked home. We can handle the woods. Digger protects me I’d NEVER get rid of my beautiful Digger! Digger’s my baby!
BABE (Much distaste) Roy deserves a REAL baby, Persey, Time’s growing short.
(She attempts to be confiding)
What is the latest from BabyMakers Inc.?
(She taps a foot – can’t disguise her impatience)
PERSEY (Steps past BABE evasively) These things take forever. They’re testing and testing – You know how it goes. Roy hates to be tested. It’s a free world, I say. All the best things happen In their own little time.
BABE I bought you this house This magnificent house On the clear understanding – That soon we’d be FOUR. Where’s my grandchild? Oh Persey –I’ve had so many losses.
(PERSEY steps into the house – BABE attempts to shoo DIGGER away)
PERSEY Oh, let him come in, Babe. He thinks it’s his home and It’s so cold outside.
(DIGGER shivers exaggeratedly.)
BABE But he’s so dirty!
PERSEY I’ll give him a bath. (Lighted hot tub bubbles up at her feet. PERSEY touches BABE’s arm) Please be patient. I’m certain Happy times are ahead.
(Hastily disrobing PERSEY steps into smoking hot tub with a sigh of relief. DIGGER jumps in with an ecstatic splash and paddles rapturously around)
BABE (Averting her eyes & gagging, shaking off droplets) You’ll NEVER get clean with That thing in there!
PERSEY (Calmly) Why not mix up some drinks?
(She soaps DIGGER’s head. He splashes her playfully)
BABE (BABE is conflicted. Feels ordered around in PERSEY’s house but she loves booze, so unwillingly turns her back to accommodate) If only I’d known you were indulging some mutt I don’t know that I’d have purchased this house.
PERSEY Roy loves this house, Babe. We’re both very grateful.
BABE (Bringing drinks for the pair of them, she settles down in a chair beside the tub) Roy’s a good boy…eventually. But you have to keep after him Monitoring, reminding.
PERSEY We’ve been so happy here. Cheers!
BABE Chin-chin.
(They drink. Potent stuff and PERSEY reacts.)
PERSEY Wow, BABE, you concoct A powerful drink.
BABE (Mollified – drinks with pinky extended) Strong medicine’s required For life’s brutal reverses.
(She drains her glass. PERSEY surreptitiously adds water to hers. DIGGER jumps out of the tub and shakes all over BABE who springs to her feet)
BABE Oh, that dog! Just look what he’s done!
PERSEY So sorry, BABE. Will you hand me those towels?
BABE (Very grumpy) If you need this much help, Persey, You require a maid.
PERSEY Roy prefers privacy We’re not fond of strangers.
(BABE hands over towels. PERSEY steps out of the tub and into a towel but not fast enough)
BABE Persey, you’re so thin. One must feed babies SOMETHING!
PERSEY Babe, you worry too much! Stress is so bad for everyone. Aren’t we just enjoying A quiet evening at home?
BABE I can’t help my conviction We’ve run out of time. I keep warning and warning and Nobody listens.
(WOLVES howl)
Nobody cares about Poor Abused Me Giver of Life and Signer of Deeds; Creator of Wealth and Addresser of Needs Nobody cares about Me!
PERSEY We’re so grateful For all that you’ve done. What’s the rush? We’ve got nothing BUT time. Let’s go sit by the fire.
(She presses a button and fire springs to life. There’s a dog bed in front of it where DIGGER settles in – after stretching, pacing, rolling)
BABE Such a wonderful house! All the amenities! (addresses audience) My gifts are so wonderful My taste so exquisite – Lucky I’m rich and know Just what to serve! Too bad I’m never Loved or deserved! My love is perfect My example superb. But I won’t live forever, Persey.
PERSEY Your gifts are appreciated. Thank you, Babe.
(BABE gives her a robe and a cellphone)
BABE Three calls missed from Roy.
PERSEY He’s checking on me.
BABE Because he loves you Just as I do.
(PERSEY dons the robe. BABE has a pile of towels for herself with which she makes a show of covering her chair, blotting her dress, feet, shaking her head, etc.)
PERSEY (On phone) Sure hon; got back safe.
(Holds phone away from protesting, squawking, threatening noises)
I can hardly hear you.
That’s quite a party you’re having.
(Loud music & squawking)
Babe’s here, with Our own celebration.
BABE (Shouts at phone) Remembrance! For Bruce! Poor, dead Bruce!
PERSEY Of course we won’t wait up You should really stay over –
(BABE snatches for the phone, PERSEY evades)
BABE Let me talk to him.
PERSEY (Waving her away – admonitory finger- bravely lying) It was just a short walk, Under a glorious moon.
(DIGGER covers his ears and trembles in memory. Rolling her eyes at ROY’s protests; holds the phone away from her giving BABE chance to snatch phone)
BABE Sweetheart, we must go To the cemetery and visit dear Bruce.
(Horrible noises from phone)
Renew all the vows Made to dear, dear, lost Bruce.
(Significantly – threatening)
Don’t you remember?
(Raving noises from phone; then silence. BABE tosses it to PERSEY)
BABE He hung up on me! Can you believe it? That man needs a leash! Or obedience school.
PERSEY It’s a PARTY, Babe. They’re all off the leash.
BABE If you’d given me that phone When I asked for it Persey –
PERSEY He can’t feel about Bruce As you do, Babe, because Bruce made him suffer. You must understand.
BABE (Getting more and more upset – she launches to her feet and paces) Roy deserved it! Sweet Bruce was my honey-child, So biddable, good!
PERSEY That’s not the story I hear.
BABE (As if she’d not spoken) He’d do anything for his mother –
(Starts to sob)
PERSEY Bruce tortured Roy, Babe. I’ve seen the scars. With my own eyes.
BABE Roy teased him! You’re insulting the dead, Persey! Now I need a drink!
(BABE staggers toward bar, WOLVES gather around house, DIGGER alerts)
PERSEY I think we need music!
(Persey switches on radio)
RADIO (Impossibly proper BBC voice) Four missing girls …(squawk) Body Dump Case (squawk squawk) While in other Serial Killer News- A Beautiful Blonde –
(PERSEY cuts radio off as BABE extends a drink – even darker than the last. BABE’s drinks would make a mule cross-eyed. PERSEY dumps half out but BABE is too worked up about her own problems to notice.)
BABE Roy doesn’t care!
PERSEY Boys will be boys.
BABE Tonight of all nights!
PERSEY It’s the living who count.
BABE I hope I’m not grudging But Life’s so unfair!
PERSEY Babe, the past is the past!
BABE (Determined to quarrel) Are you saying Roy didn’t love His only blood brother?
PERSEY Bruce was a bully! Since he lived with his father I never met him but Roy tells me –
BABE Bruce killed himself, Persey! I found the body! Do bullies self-sacrifice? Such deaths DESTROY mothers!
PERSEY Suicide’s impulsive–
BABE You know nothing about it!
PERSEY I’m sorry.
BABE A mother has feelings –
PERSEY I know just what I’m told.
BABE Roy owes me allegiance! I gave him everything!
PERSEY It was so long ago!
(WOLVES howl)
BABE It’s neglect I can’t handle!
PERSEY Roy’s home tomorrow –then we can –
BABE Disrespect!
PERSEY (Desperately) We love and admire you, Babe.
BABE Should a mother have to visit Her child’s grave ALL ALONE?
(WOLVES howl frenziedly. DIGGER scratches to go out.)
BABE Don’t let that dog out! He’ll get dirty again!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out to dance with the wolves) We’ll visit the grave with you! I promise we will.
BABE We all make mistakes. I deserve second chances.
PERSEY (Can’t quite follow this) Meaning…?
BABE I demand forgiveness!
PERSEY I don’t understand.
BABE I didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY No one killed Bruce, Babe. According to you.
BABE But Roy MIGHT have done it. That night they were fighting – At each other’s throats!
PERSEY (Looks at her empty glass like – there’s not enough alcohol in the world for this. Wearing the hopeless expression of someone arguing with a crazy person) I’m sure Roy didn’t hang Bruce.
BABE You weren’t there!
PERSEY Bruce was the strong one. As you’re always saying.
BABE (Exalted) Bruce was born first. He pushed Roy aside! He pushed ME aside! He strong-armed the doctor! (Sighing with pleasure) Roy was the weak one, Roy was the gentle one. Tender and thoughtful. Mama’s last angel. Bruce made such fun of him. Wicked, vicious fun.
(She sounds gleeful about it. PERSEY fills BABE’s glass – might as well make a night of it)
I can’t be alone on this terrible night. Here’s to crime. Bottoms up.
(Sits up abruptly)
Why, I brought you a present!
PERSEY (Trepidation) You did?
BABE Sharing’s my motto. I can’t look at it any longer. So I thought Roy might – treasure it.
(She touches a light switch and the portrait above the fireplace is illuminated. It depicts in overwrought oils a glamorous woman with a blond boy hanging off each arm. PERSEY almost jumps out of her skin)
PERSEY Oh, my God! (She covers her face as if to hide from the portrait) Babe – I’m afraid – I don’t think –
BABE It’s a great work of art. At least admit that.
PERSEY Babe, don’t you remember The Chinese vase you once gave us?
BABE Roy had an accident, Persey. And it was only a copy! I don’t understand your compulsion To make Roy the bad guy. After all, He’s indulged you like a princess.
PERSEY (Trying to be gentle) He might not like the portrait, Babe. I’m only saying.
BABE But it’s my only picture of Bruce!
(Starting to cry)
It’s all I have left! He couldn’t be cruel to the one who gave everything!
(Poor PERSEY rolls her eyes. The WOLVES and DIGGER howl at each other)
BABE Oh, my God, what is that!
PERSEY Coyotes are unsettling.
BABE Those are WOLVES, Persey. Not some harmless creatures! People say the spirits of the murdered Howl at night in the woods, Thirsting for justice.
PERSEY Justice?
BABE Or maybe revenge. There’s no justice in this world or My boy would have lived!
(DIGGER & The WOLVES square off suspiciously)
PERSEY (Nervously) That’s superstition!
BABE You’re too isolated here. This is all a mistake. Why do my gifts go so bad?
PERSEY We need country, Babe. Roy loves to hunt.
(Stands up to listen; mustering up her courage) It’s music really.
Those noises don’t scare me. Coyotes protect us. Cleaning the forest Eating vermin and carrion.
(Puts her hand to the light switch)
Ready for bed?
BABE (Collapsing sadly. The party’s over and she never has as much fun as she wanted) I suppose so. Now I know I’ll have nightmares.
(DIGGER nods and dances. The trees begin to “humanize”; open eyes, swell up and trail their leaves invitingly.)
Ever since childhood this forest has loved us! They’re here and We’re here – it’s Perfect happiness.
(She spins. DIGGER barks joyously. Brings PERSEY a stick, which she throws)
PERSEY I hope there ARE wolves! Wolves dancing with trees When darkness is falling. Soon we’ll Cuddle at home Dry our fur by the firelight.
TREE SPIRITS (Murmuring) PERSEY! PERSEY!
(DIGGER returns stick adoringly, PERSEY scratches behind his ear with it – he shakes all over with pleasure)
PERSEY Who’s my little baby! Who’s my furry darling!
(DIGGER rolls in ecstatic abandon while she rubs his tummy)
Parties are boring Let Roy get his rage out Between naughty man buddy And Bad Buddy’s Fifth Wife! Hard to be civil To people so nasty.
(Spins DIGGER does a smug dance)
We escaped.
(DIGGER growls obligingly)
You’re right, Digger! Some people deserve NIPPING. If I was a wolf…
(DIGGER snaps his jaws encouragingly, she imitates him, growling) I’d eat them all up!
PERSEY (Hostile muttering) What Roy loves about Jarod – is all in his head. A little boy playing and Seeking “lost brother”. That Jarod’s conniving – Deceptive and mean.
(She dances and the trees dance with her – DIGGER barks.)
PERSEY No jealousy, Digger! You love trees just as I do.
(DIGGER tries to pee on a TREE but it threatens him)
Trees can’t lose themselves. My soul craves wilderness Lost in the woods!
(A TREE taps DIGGER’s head with a skeleton bone; DIGGER accepts it, mouths it, puzzles over it and lays it at PERSEY’s feet. Dancing, she doesn’t even notice as the trees help DIGGER assemble a skeleton.)
Roy is too generous – Gives Jarod too much credit, That’s the whole problem! Jarod’s a taker! Taking and breaking. If I only have patience
Soon Roy will see too. See the magic of forests On Midsummer’s Eve. Trees dance just for us!
(The TREE reaches for her suggestively. The WOLVES howl. DIGGER pricks up his ears.)
I was a tree spirit before I was born.
(She waltzes with a TREE. DIGGER, alarmed, drops a skull, which rolls at her feet, and he barks aggressively at the TREE, which backs away.)
PERSEY What’s this?
(She picks up the skull, stumbles over the skeleton.)
Oh, my God!
(Slowly the trees transform themselves into BoyGirls, the Victims, the Abandoned & Secretly Buried. It is terrifying.)
Oh, My God, Roy was right! This place is a graveyard! Oh Digger, I’m so scared!
(feeling her pockets desperately)
Who hikes without cellphones?
(DIGGER shrugs helplessly. The trees reach for PERSEY & DIGGER, who clings to her – they flee offstage. Meanwhile a new house opens up stage left – PERSEY’s own.)
Act 1, Scene 1 (THE SCENE: A house on the right edge of a large forest; a wild party is in progress. Raucous music, biker iconography, party guests hang out windows.)
( Enter ROY & PERSEY step out of a car stage left – she is carrying a hugely glittering wrapped package. DIGGER – the Dog leans after them out the window, panting in doggy fashion.)
PERSEY (Hanging back unwillingly as ROY pulls her forward) I can’t relish parties; I hate Noise and senseless jiving. I love silence, long for wilderness to Settle my unquiet soul.
ROY (Panting in anticipation of the party) My wilderness is inside; Sometimes darlin’ you gotta Play fast, stay loose – Forget the day, lose the night It’s gonna come out We’re gonna Gotta eat the world. (We can see the party guests at right lift JAROD up, tossing him)
PARTY GUESTS (Sing Off Key) For He’s a jolly good Cocksman! For he’s a jolly good Cocksman! Which nobody can deny!
ROY (Happily joins in) Yeah, buddy! You’ll get What’s coming – Trust your best bro Who knows all the secrets: Where the bodies are buried; Bros forever. (PERSEY pulls away)
PERSEY I thought I was your bestie.
ROY You’ll always be my main squeeze, Porkchop. (Enter Hostess STORMEE in barely-there dress, rushing out to take their gift)
STORMEE Don’t tease if You can’t perform.
ROY Sorry we’re late – Persey’s a party pooper Taking forever To make herself beautiful.
PERSEY You made me try on every dress!
ROY And ain’t you edible?
PERSEY What I put on, you remove.
ROY No one can resist you, sugar.
STORMEE Let her go if She wants to be alone. Persey hates our games.
ROY Poor Persey Always wandering –
PERSEY I’m never lost and I Adore solitude.
ROY (snarling) With that damn dog. (DIGGER barks enthusiastically from car – PERSEY kisses her fingers to him)
PERSEY We are explorers. (ROY puts his hands all over her)
ROY I could undress you right now.
PERSEY (backing him off) Group gropes aren’t for me.
ROY (Bragging) Guess I’m tagged by A one-man woman!
PERSEY Since high school… (ROY & PERSEY embrace.)
STORMEE (Pulling on ROY) Now you’re here The games begin – Cops and robbers Rapist and victims Monsters and mobsters. You decide.
PARTY GUESTS (Calling) Multiple nightmares Replenish youth to Scarify death – We’re off the leash, so Plunder our fantasy.
ROY Long as I’m boss.
STORMEE But on Jarod’s birthday – You only ride shotgun.
PERSEY Enjoy yourself darling; but don’t Let them change you.
ROY Who can love wilderness (Hands all over her) Without becoming wild?
(ROY & PERSEY kiss)
STORMEE (Shakes the gift package) Is this still alive? Toys disappoint but Playmates never.
ROY It’s rechargeable. (STORMEE laughs loudly, dismisses PERSEY; Challenging, insulting)
STORMEE Go home, little girl – While you own your skin.
PERSEY (Turns to go; waves bye-bye)
You take the car I love to walk home.
ROY Not in that dress!
PERSEY Digger protects me. (Takes one last kiss)
ROY Light demands darkness so you get home fast.
(They pull apart. ROY turns to his gang)
ROY (Calling) Hey, buddy!
JAROD (Passing DIGGER who snarls and snaps at him, tries to get out of the car) It’s a wild night shaping and No holds barred.
ROY Nothing but the best for the fixer Who covers my back. (They embrace, STORMEE who puts the package on her head forms a conga line with the PARTY GUESTS – they dance sinuously)
PARTY GUESTS Kick dirt in death’s face! Birthday’s our free pass We begin every year.
ROY Meaner and crazier –
JAROD Freer and brazener –
ROY Doin’ death down!
(ROY hands box to JAROD opens the box; a huge sex doll inflates and springs out, shimmering wildly. Laughter.)
JAROD Guy with the most toys Rules the lost boys!
PERSEY (Backing away) Happy Birthday, Jarod.
JAROD (Dancing) You only wander to Find what you lost. Don’t be exclusive – Keeping elusive –
STORMEE Sucks to be you, fraidy-cat.
JAROD (Grabs Stormee) Girls who are squealin’ Are always appealin’ –
ROY (Grabs Stormee too) Saying No when they really mean Yes.
STORMEE I’ll even die twice!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out) Goodbye to your fun. (She pulls DIGGER away from JAROD)
ROY You stay out of those woods, Persey! Terror stalks pretty girls!
JAROD There’s wolves in those woods and Forests of corpses.
STORMEE Wolves who need bad girls, Spirits of mad girls –
ROY Killers and bandits Monsters and mad men –
JAROD Scary and bad men – Roaming the woods!
PERSEY (Playing with DIGGER who bounds wildly) But I’ve got a protector A hero, a savior –
STORMEE A flea-ridden dirt-bag! (DIGGER tries to hump STORMEE’s leg – PERSEY drags him away)
ROY You got your phone, hon? (Showing his phone – he’s instantly distracted by the screen – JAROD redirects him)
PERSEY You are my heart, Roy. I’ll stay in touch.
JAROD (Sneering) Bell that cat, Roy.
STORMEE (dancing with ROY) Reality show time Put up and go time Never say “no” time –
ROY Don’t wait up!
(ROY, JAROD, STORMEE & PARTY GUESTS swallowed up by the house.)
Alysse Aallyn 