(PERSEY & BISH finish their yoga with a good gossip when – unexpectedly – ROY, PERSEY’S husband – who hates BISH – comes home)
BISH But I have no playmate As you cruelly point out. (Sighs)
PERSEY Sorry. (Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY Cupcake! I’m home! Where the hellz is my baby?
(PERSEY & BISH galvanize. He picks up scattered clothes and rushes, dripping, to change behind a screen. DIGGER lifts a head to show some interest. PERSEY jumps back in the hot tub. ROY appears.)
PERSEY Just chillaxing.
ROY I’m down with that! (Strips and jumps in with her)
PERSEY I thought you were with Babe.
ROY Dumped her at the depot. She can Uber home.
PERSEY Roy, you didn’t! She just had back surgery!
ROY She wouldn’t stop bitchin’. You know how she gets. Hey, what’s with the bathing suit? (Trying to disrobe her)
PERSEY Sometimes…if I’m alone
ROY I got dibs on this body!
(Kissing and fondling her. PERSEY frantically signaling over his head to BISH who’s crawling towards the door, DIGGER following him with much interest. ROY suddenly sniffs the air)
ROY Has that she-male been here?
PERSEY Roy! Bish is my friend!
ROY If society had smarts we’d Exterminate those guys. Mixed-up sexes Don’t know WHAT they are.
(PERSEY tries to muffle him with kisses)
PERSEY Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.
ROY I do mean it. Queers are just trash people. Who wants a world Where men forget to be male?
PERSEY Would they stop knifing and shooting?
(A panicked BISH makes a dash for it, drops a shirt. DIGGER barks, picks up the shirt, returns to the fire to mouth it)
ROY What’s up with that dog? He’s chewing up something… Better not be mine!
(A lone WOLF howls)
PERSEY (Climbing on his lap trying to interest him in sex) It’s a dishrag I gave him. Want to fool around? Or would you like a beer?
ROY That dog better Stay out of my stuff, I’m warning you.
(Shouting over PERSEY’s shoulder to DIGGER)
I’ll put that dog down! Where he belongs!
(DIGGER attacks the shirt more aggressively – ROY makes a move to leap out of the tub – PERSEY grabs remote to light portrait – it looks right at ROY – WOLVES’ Chorus)
ROY Fuck me!
(ROY appears gobsmacked. Lights off on PERSEY house, up on shirtless BISH putting shoes on at the side of the stage. JAROD – ROY’S cop friend – approaches, hails him. They began to tango.)
JAROD Hel-lo sugar! What have we here?
BISH Didn’t know you were interested.
JAROD Call me a collector. Sampling anything new. What’s on offer?
BISH Why settle for anything When you can have Everything?
Scene 6 (PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH Your breath! Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY (Gasping) Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s Been…shot.
BISH But your sleeping swan’s A thing of beauty and A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY (Huffing and puffing) Stuck in my gut.
BISH No ego.
PERSEY No ego.
BISH And hold…. Flirt with your edge. Find your power – Soften… Release… Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH Now Corpse Pose Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY That’s an easy one! Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH When I’m old and You’re wrinkly. (She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH (Looks around and whispers) So… I’m intuiting Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance Just a trifle?
PERSEY (Hands him his drink) Which vigilance is that?
BISH The vigilance that’s scared to death Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad. I like having a man I know can defend me.
BISH It’s the lure of fascism, darling. No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY Oh, shush. Shriek like a train whistle if The spirit moves you. Roy And his mother are Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave. I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH Surprising they spend So much time together Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY Hate’s love to some people. She’s hard to take, but Some of us have to. I feel kind of sorry for her. She makes her own misery.
BISH But don’t we love drama? I envy you Persey! What fun you folks have! Scarify me with tales Of Legendary Dead Brother. So what made poor Bruce Suicide himself?
PERSEY You can’t get a straight story Out of that woman. On her bad days He was murdered.
BISH MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY The suspects keep changing. It’s a very strange family.
BISH But there’s only the two of them! I suppose they fill out the crowd With personal demons!
PERSEY Babe resurrects Bruce Whenever she needs him. And now we’ve got Jarod Shoehorning his way in.
BISH But Jarod takes Roy’s side! Can’t you appreciate? It makes the sides even.
PERSEY I guess a strange Family ‘s better than no family at all. Which was where I came in.
BISH Or none we’ll admit to. We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained! If folks insist on emoting Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY Speaking of corpse pose, Digger found a skeleton!
BISH An actual dead person?
PERSEY Bones. Old remains in the woods. But scary enough! (Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH (Sips drink…reacts…likes) What’s your Glamorous Nazi Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY Silly! I’d never tell Roy! Roy warns me NEVER to Walk in the woods.
BISH Did you notify Jarod The Law? (Sighs ecstatically) Jarod the Beautiful Jarod the Sex Cop? Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed By someone like HIM! “DON’T rough me up, officer! I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY Jarod’s not beautiful! He’s spoiled like bad meat. He’s bewitched my poor Roy. Like some substitute twin.
BISH If you’re keeping secrets I won’t breathe a word. But that Jarod’s man-jelly In search of a sandwich. I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY You think EVERYBODY Swings EVERY way.
BISH Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY Jarod looks out For just Jarod only. Did I tell you He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY Oh, she’s impossible. She LOOVES Jarod. I tell Roy if he’ not careful He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH Persey, how delightful! Your life is so complicated! So, that skeleton’s still out there Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop Of my own. Aren’t you always Saying, Get out Persey, Embrace new experience!
BISH Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY Oh, Bish, I DID. He’s a very nice cop and I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH Oh, my God Persey! Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of. You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed! You’ve surpassed Teacher. No longer a poor, trembly princess Locked alone in her tower. So, dish about cop! Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY Our attraction’s cerebral. He’s a puzzle maven. He Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY (Thoughtfully) I do respect men Who know how to talk.
BISH Which is why you love me. So, what secrets Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY That I suspect Jarod!
BISH Oh, Persey, You’re just jealous ‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY You don’t know Jarod like I do. He’s always bragging About doing folks down.
BISH I’m warning you girly – Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH I do love a good monster. Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY That Jarod’s a weasel! A weasel who’s dirty. He fixed every traffic ticket Roy ever had.
BISH Persey, you’re watching WAY too much television!
PERSEY What if Jarod’s a serial killer? Digger absolutely loathes him (DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth) And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY Try to keep up! My cop friend just told me There’s MULTIPLE body parts Dumped in that forest. People go missing In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH Multiple body parts? How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY Poor Bish! Nobody cares For the vulnerable So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH What kind of people? MY kind of people?
PERSEY OUR kind of people. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
BISH Passing through HERE? Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you Woods-walking either!
PERSEY Yeah but I’m not a victim. Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH Oh, look in a mirror! Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey. If Jarod’s so machiavellian He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY He’s a sadist, poor Bish. You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH Suddenly we’re a fourgy! Roy’s jealous of ME And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH Persey – much as I love you …Adorable as you are… You’re not my type.
PERSEY He knows WE talk about Things I can’t say to HIM. He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH Doesn’t everyone? Roy tells his Man Buddy Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY Dumb stuff, probably. Things like Guns, knives and wars. You know they dressed a deer In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH You mean they UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY Jarod brings out Roy’s Worst side. Imposture, Pretense – Loads of sick Macho crap.
BISH Well…a LITTLE imposture – And a soupçon of crap – Can be very alluring.
PERSEY It ISN’T! I loathe poseurs!
BISH Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are Dependent on posing or we’d get No partners at ALL! So far Roy’s uncooperative With your civilizing pressure? Hmm…wonder why… With a mother like that?
PERSEY It’s just because poor Roy was so Tormented by his only brother.
BISH He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY He has a starved, hungry ego. But he’s an angel to me.
BISH You call me too-trusting? Never trust anyone With so many rules. Who needs knives and guns When he’s got silver spoons? He could accept the real US If he put his head right.
PERSEY He’s getting there, I swear it. If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH You’re boring me, Persey. Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH Aaaah….
PERSEY (Lifting pile of towels and whispering) Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH THAT was refreshing. For someone.
PERSEY (Mopping up frantically with towels) Roy just hates it When Digs makes a mess!
BISH See what I mean? Stop running and jumping And twitching for him!
PERSEY Oh, hush. You’d cater adoringly To somebody special.
BISH Below the belt, that one! I can’t like my best friend locked up As a baby machine.
PERSEY Roy doesn’t want children! He can’t share me with a dog! That’s just Mama’s nagging. Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH Who’s posing now? Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY It’s a state secret, Bish – You can’t ever tell!
Scene 4 (PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5 (The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY There’s a skeleton Around here somewhere, officer.
NED (Skeptically) That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY Are you even a detective? I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED “Open Unsolved”. I’m all that there is.
PERSEY You sound defeated. On the verge of retirement?
NED Hell no, lady. Never. Too many cold cases. I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY Sounds like a death wish.
NED It’s a life wish. I love my work.
PERSEY Searching for … skeletons?
NED Solving puzzles. Perfecting antennae. Following undercurrents Right to their source. (He kicks the leaves) Where’d you unearth This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY It’s around here someplace. It was Digger who found it. (Kneels to talk to DIGGER) Remember those bones, boy? Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY I know he speaks wolf.
NED Wolf?
PERSEY Wolves howl at him and He howls right back.
NED No wolves around here.
PERSEY Coyotes, then. Coywolves. Something’s howling. I’ve seen ‘em.
NED Feral dogs more likely. Tame goes wild more often Than the other way round.
PERSEY You’re argumentative.
NED I respect facts When assembling theory. Dogs taste the outdoors And they never go back.
PERSEY Just like some people. Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one. Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY So, what special skills Do puzzle mavens require?
NED Pattern recognition. Patterns are everything; The basis of speech Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED What you got there, boy? (DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED This what you saw?
PERSEY Definitely not. Bones! Digger! Skeleton! Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED (Might be bragging – just a bit) Wouldn’t be the first corpse Located hereabouts.
PERSEY No! How many were there?
NED (With relish) Multiple body dumps. Arms, legs, Torsos. So many go missing.
PERSEY Jarod was right!
NED You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY You know him?
NED (Evasive: suddenly circumspect) Well…he’s a cop. So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thin blue line.
NED Very thin.
PERSEY Power shields power. I know all about it. He’s my husband’s best friend. Claims to be “expert” but Usually wrong. He’s Wrong about everything. I’m surprised he spoke truth about Forests of corpses.
NED You don’t like him.
PERSEY I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED He talks police business?
PERSEY If he thinks he’s impressing! That he’s smarter than anyone! He collects slaves — “Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins” That’s his motto. He’s got lots of followers – Information’s his currency – Bragging and scaring – Trying to frighten – “Don’t walk in the woods!” He LOVES scaring women.
NED (Being The Cop) What did he tell you?
PERSEY “Boy girls come to bad ends”. He really hates anyone Who isn’t his slave. Roy envies his power – I ignored him. Till I found that skeleton.
NED He’s out of line. Information comes in Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY (Pointedly) I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY Men always say that.
NED Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY But investigation’s exciting!
NED You find my work exciting?
PERSEY I don’t know about puzzles But I favor the truth There’s the real power – Knowing what happened.
NED Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY Who’s alive and who’s dead Who’s a demon pretending – Who’s a monster despoiling; only Mimicking life.
NED (He gets right to the point) You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY I’m not willing to hang around him Long enough to find out.
NED Here’s what I know – We’re all demonic In our own special way.
PERSEY Speak for yourself.
NED If these woods shelter corpses How come you’re still here?
PERSEY ‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive. Trees can’t hurt you. These woods are a temple – A Most Sacred Place. Stupid people think they’re nowhere It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY Oh Digger! You frustrating dog!
NED (Snatches at the silk) Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee Dropped her pants in the woods. Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED (Places his find in an evidence bag) Meow! Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY Over Misty. Under Stormee.
NED What’s the number of wives Jarod is up to? Never mustered more Than two wives, myself. I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY You know what I want! Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY Jarod sheds wives seasonally Like the snake that he is.
NED So what are you doing when You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY Reading and thinking. I sit on my deck and Gaze into the trees.
NED Sounds relaxing. She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY Do your missing have names?
NED Eh?
PERSEY You said there’s so many. Don’t these missing Have names?
NED Everyone has names. Monikers, nicknames Aliases Given names, borrowed names Street names – Disguises; red herrings; Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY So many lost women!
NED Didn’t say they were women. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
PERSEY Passing through HERE?
NED Or somebody brought them. Along for the ride.
PERSEY Why does nobody know?
NED “High risk victims”. It’s a way Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY (Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous) I knew you could do it! Smart dog! Who’s a puppy As clever as beautiful? Digger is! I’ll say!
NED Wish I got that much attention For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY Probably should. He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
Now we need forensics, a search team of Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY (Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs) REAL sniffer dogs? That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED (Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head) Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED Sorry, no. There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY Paperwork, ugh! Nothing doing. My husband never likes me Getting involved.
NED But you are involved, now. Aren’t you?
PERSEY Can’t I be secret? A secret informant? After all, who needs to know? Maybe Jarod’s the killer! I’ll tell all about Jarod. Just keep ME a secret.
NED Even informants have paperwork. You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer? There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY Do we have a deal?
NED OK, I’ll bite. I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY Sure, you take the credit. Digger prefers backrubs.
NED What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY He brags about killing. About his “justified kills” He’s cold and he’s fake Looks for every advantage. He likes people’s suffering. He says he kills people As part of his job.
NED I heartily doubt it. Undercover’s a whole different ethos But word gets around.
PERSEY The man lies like he breathes.
NED Those guys specialize in Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY How about you?
NED I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY Drinkers and braggers Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED I’m interested in all you can tell me. We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY Solving puzzles – Making theories! Sounds Deliciously different. Now I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
(BABE, (Persey’s mother-in-law) a commanding, magnificent, scary older woman strides into the yard, holding a blanket and calling,)
BABE Persey! Persey, where are you?
(PERSEY & DIGGER emerge from the forest, both looking dirty, scratched and sheepish) Oh, my goodness, poor PERSEY! What happened to you!
PERSEY Er – Hello – Mother.
(Allowing herself to be enclosed in a blanket, she says with bitter irony) You weren’t expected.
BABE Please call me Babe – Everyone does! Aren’t we family? Aren’t I spontaneous? Spontaneity’s a right Claimed by mothers-in-law.
(Guiltingly)
I can’t be alone today- It’s BRUCE’s DEATH anniversary!
(Throaty gasps)
PERSEY I thought that was last month.
BABE (On the edge of hysteria) No! No! It’s tonight! Roy’s too sweet twin brother! I still see him hanging Neck so distorted A hideous specter to torment a mother!
(A scary, elongated shadow projects against the wall.)
PERSEY I’m so sorry. I guess we forgot. Today’s Jarod’s birthday.
BABE Dear Jarod! How is he?
PERSEY (Pulling thistles out of protesting DIGGER’s fur) Having the time of his life, Thanks to you.
BABE (Majestic and cold) Jarod deserves our support. I called with good wishes Roy said you were on your way home. That was hours ago! And your cellphone is HERE! Where’s the Mercedes, Persey? Did you wreck the Mercedes?
(Threateningly)
You KNOW you can tell me.
PERSEY The Mercedes is fine, Babe. But it’s Midsummer night – Digger needed a walk, So, I thought –
BABE (Full of disgust) Oh, Persey You’re the limit! Don’t TELL me that ill-favored mutt Dragged you to the woods! Surely Jarod warned you? There’s killers abroad! Your husband forbade you – The forest is VERMINOUS And my future grandchildren Deserve better than THAT! Have that fleabag put down, Get a highly-trained guard dog From an ACCREDITED school! An attack dog, not some troublemaker Who waltzes with thorn bushes! (DIGGER and BABE bare their teeth at each other. She moves to strike, he cowers but lifts his leg when she turns away. PERSEY shields DIGGER)
BABE We all worry about you You promised Roy! Do your promises mean NOTHING? PERSEY, my girl?
PERSEY Roy knew I walked home. We can handle the woods. Digger protects me I’d NEVER get rid of my beautiful Digger! Digger’s my baby!
BABE (Much distaste) Roy deserves a REAL baby, Persey, Time’s growing short.
(She attempts to be confiding)
What is the latest from BabyMakers Inc.?
(She taps a foot – can’t disguise her impatience)
PERSEY (Steps past BABE evasively) These things take forever. They’re testing and testing – You know how it goes. Roy hates to be tested. It’s a free world, I say. All the best things happen In their own little time.
BABE I bought you this house This magnificent house On the clear understanding – That soon we’d be FOUR. Where’s my grandchild? Oh Persey –I’ve had so many losses.
(PERSEY steps into the house – BABE attempts to shoo DIGGER away)
PERSEY Oh, let him come in, Babe. He thinks it’s his home and It’s so cold outside.
(DIGGER shivers exaggeratedly.)
BABE But he’s so dirty!
PERSEY I’ll give him a bath. (Lighted hot tub bubbles up at her feet. PERSEY touches BABE’s arm) Please be patient. I’m certain Happy times are ahead.
(Hastily disrobing PERSEY steps into smoking hot tub with a sigh of relief. DIGGER jumps in with an ecstatic splash and paddles rapturously around)
BABE (Averting her eyes & gagging, shaking off droplets) You’ll NEVER get clean with That thing in there!
PERSEY (Calmly) Why not mix up some drinks?
(She soaps DIGGER’s head. He splashes her playfully)
BABE (BABE is conflicted. Feels ordered around in PERSEY’s house but she loves booze, so unwillingly turns her back to accommodate) If only I’d known you were indulging some mutt I don’t know that I’d have purchased this house.
PERSEY Roy loves this house, Babe. We’re both very grateful.
BABE (Bringing drinks for the pair of them, she settles down in a chair beside the tub) Roy’s a good boy…eventually. But you have to keep after him Monitoring, reminding.
PERSEY We’ve been so happy here. Cheers!
BABE Chin-chin.
(They drink. Potent stuff and PERSEY reacts.)
PERSEY Wow, BABE, you concoct A powerful drink.
BABE (Mollified – drinks with pinky extended) Strong medicine’s required For life’s brutal reverses.
(She drains her glass. PERSEY surreptitiously adds water to hers. DIGGER jumps out of the tub and shakes all over BABE who springs to her feet)
BABE Oh, that dog! Just look what he’s done!
PERSEY So sorry, BABE. Will you hand me those towels?
BABE (Very grumpy) If you need this much help, Persey, You require a maid.
PERSEY Roy prefers privacy We’re not fond of strangers.
(BABE hands over towels. PERSEY steps out of the tub and into a towel but not fast enough)
BABE Persey, you’re so thin. One must feed babies SOMETHING!
PERSEY Babe, you worry too much! Stress is so bad for everyone. Aren’t we just enjoying A quiet evening at home?
BABE I can’t help my conviction We’ve run out of time. I keep warning and warning and Nobody listens.
(WOLVES howl)
Nobody cares about Poor Abused Me Giver of Life and Signer of Deeds; Creator of Wealth and Addresser of Needs Nobody cares about Me!
PERSEY We’re so grateful For all that you’ve done. What’s the rush? We’ve got nothing BUT time. Let’s go sit by the fire.
(She presses a button and fire springs to life. There’s a dog bed in front of it where DIGGER settles in – after stretching, pacing, rolling)
BABE Such a wonderful house! All the amenities! (addresses audience) My gifts are so wonderful My taste so exquisite – Lucky I’m rich and know Just what to serve! Too bad I’m never Loved or deserved! My love is perfect My example superb. But I won’t live forever, Persey.
PERSEY Your gifts are appreciated. Thank you, Babe.
(BABE gives her a robe and a cellphone)
BABE Three calls missed from Roy.
PERSEY He’s checking on me.
BABE Because he loves you Just as I do.
(PERSEY dons the robe. BABE has a pile of towels for herself with which she makes a show of covering her chair, blotting her dress, feet, shaking her head, etc.)
PERSEY (On phone) Sure hon; got back safe.
(Holds phone away from protesting, squawking, threatening noises)
I can hardly hear you.
That’s quite a party you’re having.
(Loud music & squawking)
Babe’s here, with Our own celebration.
BABE (Shouts at phone) Remembrance! For Bruce! Poor, dead Bruce!
PERSEY Of course we won’t wait up You should really stay over –
(BABE snatches for the phone, PERSEY evades)
BABE Let me talk to him.
PERSEY (Waving her away – admonitory finger- bravely lying) It was just a short walk, Under a glorious moon.
(DIGGER covers his ears and trembles in memory. Rolling her eyes at ROY’s protests; holds the phone away from her giving BABE chance to snatch phone)
BABE Sweetheart, we must go To the cemetery and visit dear Bruce.
(Horrible noises from phone)
Renew all the vows Made to dear, dear, lost Bruce.
(Significantly – threatening)
Don’t you remember?
(Raving noises from phone; then silence. BABE tosses it to PERSEY)
BABE He hung up on me! Can you believe it? That man needs a leash! Or obedience school.
PERSEY It’s a PARTY, Babe. They’re all off the leash.
BABE If you’d given me that phone When I asked for it Persey –
PERSEY He can’t feel about Bruce As you do, Babe, because Bruce made him suffer. You must understand.
BABE (Getting more and more upset – she launches to her feet and paces) Roy deserved it! Sweet Bruce was my honey-child, So biddable, good!
PERSEY That’s not the story I hear.
BABE (As if she’d not spoken) He’d do anything for his mother –
(Starts to sob)
PERSEY Bruce tortured Roy, Babe. I’ve seen the scars. With my own eyes.
BABE Roy teased him! You’re insulting the dead, Persey! Now I need a drink!
(BABE staggers toward bar, WOLVES gather around house, DIGGER alerts)
PERSEY I think we need music!
(Persey switches on radio)
RADIO (Impossibly proper BBC voice) Four missing girls …(squawk) Body Dump Case (squawk squawk) While in other Serial Killer News- A Beautiful Blonde –
(PERSEY cuts radio off as BABE extends a drink – even darker than the last. BABE’s drinks would make a mule cross-eyed. PERSEY dumps half out but BABE is too worked up about her own problems to notice.)
BABE Roy doesn’t care!
PERSEY Boys will be boys.
BABE Tonight of all nights!
PERSEY It’s the living who count.
BABE I hope I’m not grudging But Life’s so unfair!
PERSEY Babe, the past is the past!
BABE (Determined to quarrel) Are you saying Roy didn’t love His only blood brother?
PERSEY Bruce was a bully! Since he lived with his father I never met him but Roy tells me –
BABE Bruce killed himself, Persey! I found the body! Do bullies self-sacrifice? Such deaths DESTROY mothers!
PERSEY Suicide’s impulsive–
BABE You know nothing about it!
PERSEY I’m sorry.
BABE A mother has feelings –
PERSEY I know just what I’m told.
BABE Roy owes me allegiance! I gave him everything!
PERSEY It was so long ago!
(WOLVES howl)
BABE It’s neglect I can’t handle!
PERSEY Roy’s home tomorrow –then we can –
BABE Disrespect!
PERSEY (Desperately) We love and admire you, Babe.
BABE Should a mother have to visit Her child’s grave ALL ALONE?
(WOLVES howl frenziedly. DIGGER scratches to go out.)
BABE Don’t let that dog out! He’ll get dirty again!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out to dance with the wolves) We’ll visit the grave with you! I promise we will.
BABE We all make mistakes. I deserve second chances.
PERSEY (Can’t quite follow this) Meaning…?
BABE I demand forgiveness!
PERSEY I don’t understand.
BABE I didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY No one killed Bruce, Babe. According to you.
BABE But Roy MIGHT have done it. That night they were fighting – At each other’s throats!
PERSEY (Looks at her empty glass like – there’s not enough alcohol in the world for this. Wearing the hopeless expression of someone arguing with a crazy person) I’m sure Roy didn’t hang Bruce.
BABE You weren’t there!
PERSEY Bruce was the strong one. As you’re always saying.
BABE (Exalted) Bruce was born first. He pushed Roy aside! He pushed ME aside! He strong-armed the doctor! (Sighing with pleasure) Roy was the weak one, Roy was the gentle one. Tender and thoughtful. Mama’s last angel. Bruce made such fun of him. Wicked, vicious fun.
(She sounds gleeful about it. PERSEY fills BABE’s glass – might as well make a night of it)
I can’t be alone on this terrible night. Here’s to crime. Bottoms up.
(Sits up abruptly)
Why, I brought you a present!
PERSEY (Trepidation) You did?
BABE Sharing’s my motto. I can’t look at it any longer. So I thought Roy might – treasure it.
(She touches a light switch and the portrait above the fireplace is illuminated. It depicts in overwrought oils a glamorous woman with a blond boy hanging off each arm. PERSEY almost jumps out of her skin)
PERSEY Oh, my God! (She covers her face as if to hide from the portrait) Babe – I’m afraid – I don’t think –
BABE It’s a great work of art. At least admit that.
PERSEY Babe, don’t you remember The Chinese vase you once gave us?
BABE Roy had an accident, Persey. And it was only a copy! I don’t understand your compulsion To make Roy the bad guy. After all, He’s indulged you like a princess.
PERSEY (Trying to be gentle) He might not like the portrait, Babe. I’m only saying.
BABE But it’s my only picture of Bruce!
(Starting to cry)
It’s all I have left! He couldn’t be cruel to the one who gave everything!
(Poor PERSEY rolls her eyes. The WOLVES and DIGGER howl at each other)
BABE Oh, my God, what is that!
PERSEY Coyotes are unsettling.
BABE Those are WOLVES, Persey. Not some harmless creatures! People say the spirits of the murdered Howl at night in the woods, Thirsting for justice.
PERSEY Justice?
BABE Or maybe revenge. There’s no justice in this world or My boy would have lived!
(DIGGER & The WOLVES square off suspiciously)
PERSEY (Nervously) That’s superstition!
BABE You’re too isolated here. This is all a mistake. Why do my gifts go so bad?
PERSEY We need country, Babe. Roy loves to hunt.
(Stands up to listen; mustering up her courage) It’s music really.
Those noises don’t scare me. Coyotes protect us. Cleaning the forest Eating vermin and carrion.
(Puts her hand to the light switch)
Ready for bed?
BABE (Collapsing sadly. The party’s over and she never has as much fun as she wanted) I suppose so. Now I know I’ll have nightmares.
(DIGGER nods and dances. The trees begin to “humanize”; open eyes, swell up and trail their leaves invitingly.)
Ever since childhood this forest has loved us! They’re here and We’re here – it’s Perfect happiness.
(She spins. DIGGER barks joyously. Brings PERSEY a stick, which she throws)
PERSEY I hope there ARE wolves! Wolves dancing with trees When darkness is falling. Soon we’ll Cuddle at home Dry our fur by the firelight.
TREE SPIRITS (Murmuring) PERSEY! PERSEY!
(DIGGER returns stick adoringly, PERSEY scratches behind his ear with it – he shakes all over with pleasure)
PERSEY Who’s my little baby! Who’s my furry darling!
(DIGGER rolls in ecstatic abandon while she rubs his tummy)
Parties are boring Let Roy get his rage out Between naughty man buddy And Bad Buddy’s Fifth Wife! Hard to be civil To people so nasty.
(Spins DIGGER does a smug dance)
We escaped.
(DIGGER growls obligingly)
You’re right, Digger! Some people deserve NIPPING. If I was a wolf…
(DIGGER snaps his jaws encouragingly, she imitates him, growling) I’d eat them all up!
PERSEY (Hostile muttering) What Roy loves about Jarod – is all in his head. A little boy playing and Seeking “lost brother”. That Jarod’s conniving – Deceptive and mean.
(She dances and the trees dance with her – DIGGER barks.)
PERSEY No jealousy, Digger! You love trees just as I do.
(DIGGER tries to pee on a TREE but it threatens him)
Trees can’t lose themselves. My soul craves wilderness Lost in the woods!
(A TREE taps DIGGER’s head with a skeleton bone; DIGGER accepts it, mouths it, puzzles over it and lays it at PERSEY’s feet. Dancing, she doesn’t even notice as the trees help DIGGER assemble a skeleton.)
Roy is too generous – Gives Jarod too much credit, That’s the whole problem! Jarod’s a taker! Taking and breaking. If I only have patience
Soon Roy will see too. See the magic of forests On Midsummer’s Eve. Trees dance just for us!
(The TREE reaches for her suggestively. The WOLVES howl. DIGGER pricks up his ears.)
I was a tree spirit before I was born.
(She waltzes with a TREE. DIGGER, alarmed, drops a skull, which rolls at her feet, and he barks aggressively at the TREE, which backs away.)
PERSEY What’s this?
(She picks up the skull, stumbles over the skeleton.)
Oh, my God!
(Slowly the trees transform themselves into BoyGirls, the Victims, the Abandoned & Secretly Buried. It is terrifying.)
Oh, My God, Roy was right! This place is a graveyard! Oh Digger, I’m so scared!
(feeling her pockets desperately)
Who hikes without cellphones?
(DIGGER shrugs helplessly. The trees reach for PERSEY & DIGGER, who clings to her – they flee offstage. Meanwhile a new house opens up stage left – PERSEY’s own.)
Act 1, Scene 1 (THE SCENE: A house on the right edge of a large forest; a wild party is in progress. Raucous music, biker iconography, party guests hang out windows.)
( Enter ROY & PERSEY step out of a car stage left – she is carrying a hugely glittering wrapped package. DIGGER – the Dog leans after them out the window, panting in doggy fashion.)
PERSEY (Hanging back unwillingly as ROY pulls her forward) I can’t relish parties; I hate Noise and senseless jiving. I love silence, long for wilderness to Settle my unquiet soul.
ROY (Panting in anticipation of the party) My wilderness is inside; Sometimes darlin’ you gotta Play fast, stay loose – Forget the day, lose the night It’s gonna come out We’re gonna Gotta eat the world. (We can see the party guests at right lift JAROD up, tossing him)
PARTY GUESTS (Sing Off Key) For He’s a jolly good Cocksman! For he’s a jolly good Cocksman! Which nobody can deny!
ROY (Happily joins in) Yeah, buddy! You’ll get What’s coming – Trust your best bro Who knows all the secrets: Where the bodies are buried; Bros forever. (PERSEY pulls away)
PERSEY I thought I was your bestie.
ROY You’ll always be my main squeeze, Porkchop. (Enter Hostess STORMEE in barely-there dress, rushing out to take their gift)
STORMEE Don’t tease if You can’t perform.
ROY Sorry we’re late – Persey’s a party pooper Taking forever To make herself beautiful.
PERSEY You made me try on every dress!
ROY And ain’t you edible?
PERSEY What I put on, you remove.
ROY No one can resist you, sugar.
STORMEE Let her go if She wants to be alone. Persey hates our games.
ROY Poor Persey Always wandering –
PERSEY I’m never lost and I Adore solitude.
ROY (snarling) With that damn dog. (DIGGER barks enthusiastically from car – PERSEY kisses her fingers to him)
PERSEY We are explorers. (ROY puts his hands all over her)
ROY I could undress you right now.
PERSEY (backing him off) Group gropes aren’t for me.
ROY (Bragging) Guess I’m tagged by A one-man woman!
PERSEY Since high school… (ROY & PERSEY embrace.)
STORMEE (Pulling on ROY) Now you’re here The games begin – Cops and robbers Rapist and victims Monsters and mobsters. You decide.
PARTY GUESTS (Calling) Multiple nightmares Replenish youth to Scarify death – We’re off the leash, so Plunder our fantasy.
ROY Long as I’m boss.
STORMEE But on Jarod’s birthday – You only ride shotgun.
PERSEY Enjoy yourself darling; but don’t Let them change you.
ROY Who can love wilderness (Hands all over her) Without becoming wild?
(ROY & PERSEY kiss)
STORMEE (Shakes the gift package) Is this still alive? Toys disappoint but Playmates never.
ROY It’s rechargeable. (STORMEE laughs loudly, dismisses PERSEY; Challenging, insulting)
STORMEE Go home, little girl – While you own your skin.
PERSEY (Turns to go; waves bye-bye)
You take the car I love to walk home.
ROY Not in that dress!
PERSEY Digger protects me. (Takes one last kiss)
ROY Light demands darkness so you get home fast.
(They pull apart. ROY turns to his gang)
ROY (Calling) Hey, buddy!
JAROD (Passing DIGGER who snarls and snaps at him, tries to get out of the car) It’s a wild night shaping and No holds barred.
ROY Nothing but the best for the fixer Who covers my back. (They embrace, STORMEE who puts the package on her head forms a conga line with the PARTY GUESTS – they dance sinuously)
PARTY GUESTS Kick dirt in death’s face! Birthday’s our free pass We begin every year.
ROY Meaner and crazier –
JAROD Freer and brazener –
ROY Doin’ death down!
(ROY hands box to JAROD opens the box; a huge sex doll inflates and springs out, shimmering wildly. Laughter.)
JAROD Guy with the most toys Rules the lost boys!
PERSEY (Backing away) Happy Birthday, Jarod.
JAROD (Dancing) You only wander to Find what you lost. Don’t be exclusive – Keeping elusive –
STORMEE Sucks to be you, fraidy-cat.
JAROD (Grabs Stormee) Girls who are squealin’ Are always appealin’ –
ROY (Grabs Stormee too) Saying No when they really mean Yes.
STORMEE I’ll even die twice!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out) Goodbye to your fun. (She pulls DIGGER away from JAROD)
ROY You stay out of those woods, Persey! Terror stalks pretty girls!
JAROD There’s wolves in those woods and Forests of corpses.
STORMEE Wolves who need bad girls, Spirits of mad girls –
ROY Killers and bandits Monsters and mad men –
JAROD Scary and bad men – Roaming the woods!
PERSEY (Playing with DIGGER who bounds wildly) But I’ve got a protector A hero, a savior –
STORMEE A flea-ridden dirt-bag! (DIGGER tries to hump STORMEE’s leg – PERSEY drags him away)
ROY You got your phone, hon? (Showing his phone – he’s instantly distracted by the screen – JAROD redirects him)
PERSEY You are my heart, Roy. I’ll stay in touch.
JAROD (Sneering) Bell that cat, Roy.
STORMEE (dancing with ROY) Reality show time Put up and go time Never say “no” time –
ROY Don’t wait up!
(ROY, JAROD, STORMEE & PARTY GUESTS swallowed up by the house.)
10:00 PM – Party Castle – Wed 27 Jun 79
The inevitable panic reaction has set in – am I out of
my friggin MIND? But it’s my battle and I’m dealing with it. I hear myself saying WAY too much around him as if tempting him to find something to be disgusted by and to reject me – why can’t I just shut up and enjoy this?
Because I can’t believe he really loves the real me – we haven’t seen each other in 10 years. I plunge gratified into the dizzying sensory experiences – he is very sexual and willing to talk about it – everything he says turns me so ON. Heavenly night of ecstatic sex. Trying to go SLOW, not empty out my bag of tricks all at once. I resent my own anxieties and my fear of being vulnerable. Here at work I wrote a poem about our past – The Duel. Will I ever be able to show him?
I even like his snobbishness – he’s more elitist I guess you’d say. He assumes we’re “up there” – and it’s others job to qualify, to climb up to “our level”! That’s so refreshing after Usher Glayne’s weirdness! He just takes it for granted we’re in a class by ourselves; special people trying to do special things. And our tastes are so similar. He doesn’t plan to stay in Kentucky – wants to live in New England with its fall, its woodstoves and frozen lakes. I can barely comprehend such confidence much less contain it. Imagine being free forever from the fear that the party’s happening elsewhere. We ARE the party.
I said I felt safe with him – he said he wasn’t sure that was justified – looked at me like a beast longing to rend, but restraining itself. Wild frissons! He must be horrified by how fast things are going – I have never met a man who wouldn’t be. But he’s driving this train. Told me he’s been so celibate lately – very upfront discussing his discouraging relationship with a virginal anorexic perfectionist frightened by everything who compensates by torturing herself and all the people around her. In a flash I realized, that’s exactly what Devon is also.
Toss says he feels “stormed” by me –dizzied – by who and what I am, the summit of my “magnificence”. Wow! Such flattery very scary. How can he possibly mean it? Yet he seems so honest, so open. What will he do when he finds out I am human after all – a creature of mud and sludge like everyone else?
Reading Margaret Drabble’s The Needle’s Eye – not so good as The Waterfall – beginning to be turned off by her towers of verbiage. My own life is so much more interesting. Good phone con- versations with Toss – I am beginning to trust him. When I told him what I do for a living he was totally unfazed. “I knew you couldn’t get that body walking!” Tomorrow we explore Annapolis.
Party Castle 12:05 am 2 July 79 Wrote D an angry farewell poem.
“HOW DID YOU MEET?”
You saw me naked I saw you too close- up. You hovered, teaching Between the green glimpses. You drank vodka, I drank wormwood. You cut mountains down to size; I’d no idea that one could take such charge of space. Now I’m a toad-dweller, Nostrils pierced by thorns I Fall face-first into every hole; You were the king the ghost pines saluted. How you dove and danced! Speeding through your love-drunk universe, you Infected me with your own whiteness Dizziness, till all my blood drained out. You challenged God; I was the echo following after. Yet here I am after all this time And nothing promised remains of you.
Or, “Good luck with Sleeping Beauty’s castle!” That’s what he gets for messing with my heart. Can’t show anyone – most certainly not him – and it isn’t really finished – and I don’t think it ever will be. But thank God for diaries. Diaries can be told anything. Reading Secrets in the Family – it is so superb I am going to buy copies for all my sisters. Looking forward to discussing it with Toss. I’m beginning to miss him now – he’s so deep and interesting to be around – so alive on many more levels than anyone else – challenging all my levels. Falling in love – happy, crazy.
Thurs 11:05 – Plush Palace – 5 July 79
Back at The Plush – its catch as catch can in my
present situation. I am alienating managers left and right. But I am happy crazy and who cares?
Because on the third of July Toss asked me to
marry him and I said yes! Here’s how it happened. On Monday night we ate white clam linguini and crenshaw melon while listening to Keith Jarrett’s Koln Concert – then – came together in delicious, soul-freeing sex; two perfectly matched combatants recognizing each other not just from childhood and youth but school and dreams. He was eager to learn how I could best be pleased – so I surrendered to the inevitable. Fireworks!
He left me sleeping there in the AM – I heard thumping downstairs but I know he has roommates so didn’t think anything of it – when he came back for lunch he discovered the door broken in and my purse missing. Keys, wallet, everything. I had to call into work – had to call a locksmith to give me keys to my car.
Toss doesn’t know what else they stole because he doesn’t know what else is supposed to be in this house – called his roommates. They came, police came. So we spent a day of intense babbling and the worst kinds of petty annoyances – but none of it mattered because he was there. In fact, I welcomed it; it was an extra opportunity to be together.
At one point I said, you know, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. He said, if I believed that, I’d ask you to marry me. I said, if you did I’d say yes. So he said, “Do you want to get married?” I said, “I think so,” and there it was! He said I’m the only woman he has ever wanted to marry much less asked. We even chose the children’s names – there are going to be two of them – a boy and a girl of course; one named after Reed and one a combination of our addresses! Had to call Aunt Frederica to give her the good news because she’s the one who had to give the hospital permission to stitch me up ten years ago after our first unfortunate night together! (She was drunk of course.) Toss asked me to come back to Kentucky for his last year of law school. I “shouldn’t miss this part of his life.” Dogs too, natch – we are a package deal.
He has a house he’s rehabbing that has so many rooms it is known as the Hilton. When I said I would come that was more important to him than our engagement even. He says I can file f or divorce in Kentucky’s understanding Commonwealth. He ordered a case of Moet Chandon, saying now we have to drive up the coast and tell everybody. I am a little scared to tell my parents – this suddenness might only seem another strike against me. We told Avril and Maureen – they just stared – obviously thinking we both have lost our minds – it will take them awhile to believe in it. I told Avril about Kentucky – she says she can handle the house; she can always rent out my room to a college student if she feels pinched. I want to leave some money with her – at least $1000 – had the brilliant idea to sell my car. Wouldn’t want to be impoverished in Kentucky and I don’t want to be on “retainer” from T.
Last night I read Toss The Duel and his eyes filled with tears! He said the only flaw he sees in this arrangement is that one of us must surely predecease the other! Could it really happen? Could we grow old together? Could it be that I will never make love to another person? Wrote a short note to Bruce, telling him I will definitely be needing a divorce, sooner, rather than later. Now I am trying to write a short note to D; but honestly, what is there to say? Summing up our relationship seems only to dismiss it. He has already fallen far, far back into the past. Toss is my future.
The Duel
Europe without you Was a funeral feast. I recall the procession of your letters Far better than The stream of luckless suitors Trying to distract me. Virgins aren’t distractible. Your seductive missives stalked me. Your fatal ploy was that nude photo Adam lonely in his garden.
I came right home. I well recall the ceremonies Of that night! Your shyness My perfume Our ignorance Wild and hard A riderless horse. I did cry out as the candles burned. I swear there were some moments when We actually saw each other. But if this magic sword cuts both ways Why was I the only bleeder? They peeled me off And dropped me down a mile Of antiseptic hallway – A princess in a bucket. It could have ended there But at your school I haunted you A chilly-breasted demon. My daytime incarnation seemed mature: I fooled everyone; We chatted as you prepared the skin. I bit down hard and Tasted only Suture wire. You wrote and broke off Our association. Years groaned by Like convicts chained We served our terms with no time off For bad behavior. Lust had luster, Excrement was ecstasy.
The castaways the whirlwind Flung upon the sand Were calm, polite We knew our way around. But That look you gave me! Our unborn children shivered In their sausage skins Fully aware Their time had come. The tale was done The frog-mask Shivered off We saw: The you of you The me of me – Masks Unmirrored Scars Unscored Virgins not but Innocence Restored.
2 PM 15 Feb 79 – Thurs
Sleeting out. Feeling restless the way I do before I write
a new book. Hauled out Bride & Wolves for a rewrite – tremendously impressed with my own talent! Development always was my problem (as in life). Greene’s Human has an odd, unfinished feel. Reviews did not prepare me for it in the least. I think they reviewed Greene rather than his book. More impressed by Margot Ruddock’s letter to Yeats in Ah, Sweet Dancer (which could be retitled Dirty Old Man.) She compares the “fickleness” of men to the fickleness of God! Can’t blame her if God insists on being male. Read Howatch’s Call In the Night as a purgative. Going to see Country Wife tonight at U. Of Md. Usher sent me strange Valentine collage of Playboy photos, couples kissing, etc. Avril says “I give up on him. It’ll be a miracle if he can ever say what he wants.”
Starlight Sat 18 Feb 79 – 11:10 AM Waiting for my bangs to curl at the start of a double. Had a nightmare where Devon performed marriage ceremony between me and some other guy! Right up to the end I kept thinking he was going to “rescue” me. Naturally he did not. “Psychic” about him as usual I got a letter saying he’s busy with this year’s Ladies Ski Team meaning he’s got 12 girls passionately in love with him and he plans to take his time to savor the field. Vengeful poem results:
Cloverleaf Some roads lead nowhere; They’re my favorites. I held my breath while You drew my face in Blinding strokes and Creamed my mouth with curling lines Destroyed one picture; then another. Left at dawn while I Ran downstairs in circles, calling Raging, spending Nights without you, No blue thigh to guard My sleeping heart while yours looks out To gauge the coming storm. Now I’m trapped in cloverleaves Sentenced to school figures By endless angry judges. Every face I paint is yours; balked by An enervating past Of unlived lives. Open up the chilly ruffles Of my breasts To beauty; yours and mine and your Strange spine’s; A body so much lighter Than the mountain that you loved The course you learned Much better than you learned me. Overconfident that you’ll come back I float across the powdered snow; In bird-winged silence all-enveloping Unless I’m Lost and frozen like my heart?
2 PM – Jervaze came in! Ducked away momentarily
from his fiancée. Glad he didn’t bring her in as I am having my period and feeling particularly fat and grumpy. My poor body’s been unloved for a month now and is falling to pieces. Still it was an enormous pleasure to see him. Someone for whom I apparently remain The Holy Grail.
Tues. 6:45 PM 20 Feb 79 Struggling against a vast undifferentiated depression. Going to treat it with diet and meditation. Reading Tapie’s Richelieu and Louis XIII. History a great cure for all who feel unlucky. Even being an aristo was no picnic. Avril accepted for both of us to go to Aunt Frederica’s party on the shore where she’s rented a house. Hitchman’s bio of Dorothy Sayers very bad book. Sayers wasn’t “in love” with Lord Peter, she was him! Will-to-power and dream logic. Trying to “bind” her two halves together when she made him marry Harriet. Had to re-read Sayers’ wonderful Unnatural Death (my favorite) to get the taste out of my mouth. Ah. Such pleasure. Painting till I’m exhausted then long walks with dogs through pretty Queens’ Chapel Manor. Haven’t seen a neighborhood this satisfying since Chevy Chase.
Starlight Wed 21 Feb 79 – 11:45 AM Going through a phase where work feels like being beaten. Think it’s because no one is caring for my body. Will warmer weather turn the tide? I love my house but Marc Kramer is wrong – home ownership NOT the cure-all promised. The only difference I can see is I can no longer mess around financially. Nose permanently to grindstone. Reading John Dickson Carr’s Blind Barber. It is so awful. Why does anyone like him? Pass my time sewing red rhinestone buttons to my pink satin blouse. Yesterday clutch cable snapped – pedal became a dummy. Fortunately I was right NEXT to a gas station. Had to take a taxi home. Financial nightmare – more doubles to get my car out of hock? Turns out it’s not expensive. A. gives me ride to work, Eddy gives me ride to car. Leaning heavily on inner life. Efforts to live “outwardly” all seemingly result in hideous failure. Shopping list: pasties, carpet tape, stockings, cotton balls, liquid plumber, string bikini.
Sat. 24 Feb 79 Devon turned 30 today. Great house party at bungalow Aunt F rented on Mulberry Island. Interesting artist named Stockley there with an exciting mind but unworkable body. Fun to talk to though. He wears a hard hat and welds. Avril asked out by handsome redhead named John. Fingers crossed. Jervaze called to say he broke off his engagement. Uh oh. Macmillan says my novel “not their cup of tea”. Very sneery.
Starlight Fri 2 Mar 79 – 2 PM Bought a pair of yellow overalls to write in. Hadn’t realized how thin I’ve gotten – I look fantastic. House (closing) magically lifts depression when it cost $900 less than I expected. I was fully ready to write these nice people a rubber check – Thank God that’s not necessary. Instead of wasting away in debtor’s prison, I get to compare myself to Sylvia Plath. What if in a panic, I married a party boy who fails to love T he Real Me? Wait, I did that. But I didn’t stay to wrestle with him and now I’m free. Could be much, much worse. Hang in there and go it alone. See it as a strength. Trying to apply for grants. There’s an art form all by itself. Avril’s redhead working out nicely. I don’t like his comments about his mother though. Is satisfactory sex possible with men who hate their mothers? Could be massive Red Flag.
12:35 PM Tues Mar 6 – 79 Sit down to chat with diary over lunch – can’t eat because scolding letter from agent gave me a stomachache. Didn’t I know it was unethical to allow several agents to consider me at the same time? I do see it’s a very beneficial for the agents to drag this process out so they end up doing all the choosing and not you. But since she’s the one I want I can’t say so. Play dumb, promise to Be Good in Future and throw my affairs entirely into her hands and let her speak for me. Silence frees the artist from “servile bondage to the world”, says Sontag. Letter from Devon saying he really respects me for buying a house (the opposite of what Mom thought would happen. He says it makes me more interesting. Or he’s just less scared I will show up on his doorstep.) Also he says “it’s been a bad ski season” and asking particularly about the men in my life, closing, ”I love you Alysse. Our relationship is the most important thing to me.” Whew! What are the odds that every girl on that team would turn out to be a lesbian? Or were they fooled by his aura of untouchable purity? Most girls would consider it a challenge but some lack the three hours necessary to defrost him. Still, they’re all out of their minds not to give him a whirl I must admit. Interesting how very much we each fear the other’s loss.
11PM Starlight Wed 7 Mar 79 Very down night. Only $70 so far. Need $600 to keep my bills current. Bryony wailing because the state took her children away. Sometimes seems like the pain of the helpless is smothering the world. Tony’s the bouncer tonight and he’s all for letting the men stick their bills down the girls’ G-strings! No thank you. Wait till Gentleman Randy hears about this. Reading a bad German mystery – the mystery being why he wrote it, how it got published and why I’m reading it. Fantasizing celebrating spring by getting all my hair cut off. Hmmm. Jean Seberg? Could be sexy. Wish I’d brought Kafka’s Letters. Making huge floor pillows for my housewarming party. Longing to sink into classical music & bubble bath, followed by Oleg Cassini sheets & cup of diet cocoa. Having my own house really is a dream come true.
Mon 20 Feb 79 – 12:20 AM Such a depressing party I got drunk just to be “out” of it. Avril & Ben making out in a corner all evening. Usher brought me books and a bird of paradise flower, Stockley gave me a beautifully framed tiny drawing of crustaceans but then cancelled that by attempting to corner me all evening. He covers up the soul he doesn’t believe in with a repellant fleshy brutality – life is kill and conquer – eat or be eaten. Honestly, now I’m scared of him. Afraid to even argue with him for fear of launching something irreversible. Luckily, he next fastened his lasers on Yvonne. Poor Yvonne. Save yourself, I should say. Plan to ask Paz to schedule me for just two nights. On a self-dare, I sent my poem about Rossetti’s model to Usher.
LIZZIE SIDDALL: The Woeful Victory
Be still or I can’t paint you. It is evening and I almost recognized you. Who are you Fair one? Your mouth is stuffed With poppy hair Fate coils between your breasts Like snakes. But Your tongue’s torn out. You must be the echo of my thoughts.
(I am the motionless cradle.)
Your flesh takes fire from my setting sun. Can you free me, O Lady of the Sundial? My eyes are growing dim.
(Perfect love’s not found this side of heaven.)
I shall paint you vermilion Butcher nightingales and use their tongues for brushes Melting foil & verdigris To the tune of Canterbury bells. Stay awhile, Fair one. I almost thought you spoke.
(I am the face that rises from the pool to drag the drinker deep.)
I will bury you in manuscripts, I will Visit when there’s time. Someday We might marry, but I am not whole, dear lady. I am not myself. Who are You?
Tues, midnight, 9 Feb 78
What a day. Lost a contact just before bed, which put
me in a hideous temper. 1 ½ hrs sleep, drove A to Laundromat, did laundry, bought cosmetics, picked her up, did lunch and visited broker. Just like the other rich girls except for the Laundromat part. Then to MVA, got MD license renewed, new address, not too horrible photo. Avril flunked her test must retake Wed. Back to house managed 2 more hrs of sleep. Woke up feeling cheerful and streaked hair with L’Oreal. Still have a rotten cough. The trouble with being sick is you can’t imagine yourself well. Intimations of mortality. Ate lasagna with A, then off to work. J dropped in second set, said his car was fixed, seemed cheerful, said his sister-in-law (whom I suspect of being The Pirate Queen) is reading my book “to figure out what kind of person I am” (uh oh). He left during my 3rd set without saying goodbye. Should I drop in on him? Tempting. He also asked to read Demon. Hmmmm. A of course thinks I should clamor for “boundaries” “rights”, “clarity” and “definitions.” I am embarrassed even to tell HER that this is all completely hopeless. I’d have to set him on my knee and move his mouth. I’d end up defining every term and he would immediately forget anyway. Anyway, in my experience, the less “clarity”, the better the sex. Once things have been completely defined you no longer want to touch each other. Missing Devon of all people. He must be sick of Gwynne by now. Where will he find another like me? But it’s always a bad sign when I plunge into “default” mode. So, I dropped in on Ryder to take him by surprise. He was there and it was worth it. Gave me a gorgeous massage. I gave him my cold. We are at the wrong points in our life trajectories to connect in any meaningful way. Picked up Holt’s Lord of the Far Island which one of the other girls is reading. Unbelievably crappy. Why do people prefer this stuff to mine? Oh well. Feeling better – night almost over.
Sun. 12 Feb 78 – 10:20 PM Psychic tremors driving home. But when I walked in the door everything was fine. It’s so comforting to be surrounded with one’s own stuff – it seems to assumes a personality – like a separate self. A reassuring stand-in – someone who “goes on” for you when you’re tired. Very busy weekend – A moving into her own place – sorting, packing, cleaning, buying. Moving. Hard physical labor since we are doing it all. “Mother Truckers.” Rushed on to work with my arms aching – J. showed up. His body seemed solider, less fragile. I gave him a comforter for his birthday – he seemed to like it – we went to his place to watch Harper – side by side like an old couple on the couch. I’ve decided he reminds me most of some wild animal. He always wakes up like a deer finding itself in a cage. He seems to be just now comprehending that I’m there. He insisted on pleasuring me so I just accept it. Said his body “hurt”. I wish I could convince him that caffeine, junk food and alcohol are his enemies, but he is too stubborn to believe it. I fear a return of that kidney thing that felled him before. I’m afraid our relationship belongs to the bar and his apartment, however. Can’t get him to go anywhere with me; he is “tired” and he works enough that it’s a believable excuse. He’s so beautiful you’d think he’d be more of an exhibitionist but it’s just the opposite. Three days off. I need it. But on the whole I am pleased with my life.
1:45 PM MON 13 Feb 78
Lovely dog walk. My desk collapsed under piles of
books, so I bought new furniture – unpainted. Cleaned, redecorated spare room (A’s old room.) Looks good. Decided just thinking about J is channeling my energies away from writing. We have a “sexual friendship”, so there. That’s Hugh Hefner’s “highest good” so presumably some people would be happy with it. But J has no influence on my life-plan. R called. We had a decent conversation.
5:45 PM Snow pouring down – four more inches
expected so I decided not to go out. Last night was the first night I’ve actually been unable to rouse J – so I just left – went home dirty and sleepless to a couple of short-changed dogs. Now it turns out he’s in the hospital undergoing tests because of “passing blood”. Medieval sounding. Does he have those big black knobs under his armpits? Ashes, ashes, we all fall down. The sister in law phoned with this info, also gave the brother’s number where J will go after tests.
9PM Plush Palace – Wed 15 Feb 78
J quite drunk when he came in this evening – said
he’s turning in his notice and returning to the South. (I wondered if they fired him but didn’t say it.) I was so upset I walked into the men’s room by mistake! (No one in there.) He did say “or I could live with you.” This does not sound good to me. My monogamous soul does not aspire to a lifetime playing nursie.
10PM – Plush Palace – Thurs 16 Feb 78
3 sets done – I’m exhausted and my legs hurt but I’ll survive. Spent the afternoon with Chloe and Dennis Parks at WPFW, taping
a vibrant show on paperback publishing. Really enjoyed myself. A came over for dinner and helped me paint my new study furniture. Got a frightening letter from the IRS – I phoned – turned out that they think I owe them an extra $56! They can have it. Electric bill $76. Disappointed by Noel Coward’s Future Indefinite, seeking escape instead in Mona Farnsworth’s Dark Wood. I deserve escapism after all I’ve been through.
11:40PM – Plush Palace – Fri 17 Feb 78 Just finished Rosenberg’s bio of Dorothy Richardson. She seems just like me – then when I get to the end of her life – poverty & anguish! Oh dear!
4:00 PM Mon 21 Feb 78 Lying in bed – hair set – an hour to go before work. Spent all day tidying study – including file drawers – if I was to die this minute I would give everyone the impression of being a hardworking artist and an astute businesswoman. Maybe I shouldn’t wreck it by ever going in there again. Gregory’s book about Dorothy Richardson – lots left out. Putting myself to sleep with Homage to Daniel Shays – I must have a lready read this because all the essays seem so familiar. Very unpleasant Vidal attack on Anais Nin.
Plush Palace – 7:45 PM
Lots of comforts in this job. Inhale the pleasure
of a messy dressing room, so full of life & hope. I was sitting down taking out my curlers when GiGi asked me to do her last set – her knee hurts – so I put on a gold G- string and did one set without makeup. That paid my electric bill right there. Settle down with Anne Tyler. Comfortable.
10:30PM – Plush Palace – Thurs 23 Feb 78
Avril came to work with me – I’m having a great night.
She met a guy here she likes who asked for her number – he seems nice, but he must have the problems intrinsic to all who haunt this place – alcoholic or druggy – or just unmotivated in some fatal, fatal way. Paz’s been telling me her new honey’s too “big” for her – makes her bleed. That can’t be right. This triggered an avalanche of gynecological horror stories that ended up with all who are interested examining Fatima’s hanging “meatus” left over from a “botched childbirth”. She has trouble tucking it into her G-string! I declined inspection. Missing an opportunity other writers would have jumped at? Will I need to describe this someday?
Sun. 26 Feb 78 – 9:45 PM
J actually showed for dinner last night – while I was
stuffing the baked potatoes – we had a wonderful evening, played Clue, very good sex. Said his sister read my “gothic” but called it Too Victorian. Disguised praise? I decide to think so. He asked me to visit him in Alabama. I’m sure there’s a novel in that but do I want to be the one to write it? Then of course he had to leave early. I called A – had kind of a psychic flash – a feeling of trepidation about the human condition – she said she had been sobbing all night. Are we going no place? I asked her. Is it all an illusion? She said she feels she once had a home and family but somehow lost them and can’t adjust. She has a life others would envy – young college student with her own apartment in DC – but she wants back something she never had. “Neva vu” ex-husband Bruce and I used to call it. The unrecognized familiar. I am reading – very appropriately – The Troubled Helpmate. Misogyny in literature.
Alysse Aallyn 