Alysse Aallyn

Tag: Psychological Thrillers

  • The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

    The Lovers = ALLIANCES: “Best Friends”


    Becoming a lover forges an alliance for the future. We’re not talking of two raindrops crashing into each other for sex, but a mutual declaration of interest and benefit. Spend today thinking about past alliances; not just love relationships but all alliances dreamed of, suggested, made and broken.


    What hopes, plans and fears did we enter (and exit) with? What mistakes were made? The first thing that jumps out to us is that power differentials create more problems than they solve. An alliance needs to be a two-way street; any hint of “exploitation” turns it into a different kind of relationship entirely.

    Alliances must be freely chosen, with consequences fully appreciated and maturely understood. How often in life is this even possible for us? Sometimes we are limited by the power of our imaginations as well as the resilience of our hearts. Alliances should also be freely exited but how often does THAT happen? How often do our passions (and perceived needs) fall short of our principles and how much shame does this knowledge engender? And then there are issues of temperament: to what extent can introverts/extroverts hope to change their stripes?


    Think about your deepest and most rewarding friendships. You’re looking for a special kind of Best Friend, after all, so it only makes sense that most of the components appearing in your friendships will be found in your soulmate as well. Will you appreciate some of the same things? Speak the same language? Have the same values? Laugh at the same jokes? Share fears and dreams? Expose your worst/best? You still want all that! Because you need an Ally. An ally reliably comes to your defense, as you fearlessly come to theirs.

    An ally is someone you can rely on. It means you must be honest with that person, and we all know how hard that is, especially when you can’t figure out the truth, yourself. You’re feeling your way and you need a sympathetic ear. You know you will have to be their sympathetic ear as well because otherwise what you have isn’t a partnership, it’s an autocracy. Autocrats are lied to and cheated on and they die alone. That’s not what gratifies the soul. You are looking for someone who holds the key to You and by astonishing coincidence, you will hold the key to them, as well.


    The Duel

      Europe without you
      Was a funeral feast.
      I recall the procession of your letters
      Far better than
      The stream of luckless suitors
      Trying to distract me.
      Virgins aren’t distractible.
      Your seductive missives stalked me.
      Your fatal ploy was that nude picture
      Adam lonely in his garden.
      I came right home.
      I well recall the ceremonies
      Of that night!
      Your shyness
      My perfume
      Our ignorance
      Your penis
      Soft as a
      Messenger dove that folds
      To a familiar hand –
      Then wild and hard as
      A riderless horse.
      I did cry out as the candles burned.
      I swear there were some moments when
      We actually saw each other.
      But if this magic sword cuts both ways
      Why was I the only bleeder?
      They peeled me off
      Dropping me down miles
      Of antiseptic hallway –
      A princess in a bucket.
      It could have ended there
      But at your school I haunted you
      A chilly-breasted demon.
      My daytime incarnation seemed mature:
      I fooled you;
      We chatted as you prepared the skin.
      I bit down hard and
      Tasted only
      Suture wire.
      You wrote and broke off
      Our association.
      The years groaned by
      Like convicts chained
      We served our terms with no time off
      For bad behavior.
      Lust had luster,
      Excrement had ecstasy.
      The castaways the whirlwind
      Flung upon the sand
      Were calm, polite –
      We knew our way around.
      That look you gave me!
      Our unborn children shivered
      In their sausage skins
      Suddenly aware
      Their time had come.
      The tale was done
      The frog-mask
      Shivered off
      We saw:
      The you of you
      The me of me –
      Masks
      Unmirrored –
      Scars
      Unscored
      Virgins not but
      Innocence
      Restored.

    1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

      Inspiration=INTUITION “Shock Pool”

        We are trying to choose, that means cultivating discernment. What is “discernment”? It really means just any
        old soulmate won’t do. But how do we cultivate
        the skills of discernment? Well, a major one is intuition. It is intuition that leads to “inspiration” ; that sudden “knowing” – ‘I feel like I’ve known him all my life.
        Science says we subconsciously collect subliminal signals.

        The danger comes from a cultural problem
        that women have been encouraged to bond with men they’re not chemically attracted to but might be seen as a “good fit” for social reasons, and discouraged from developing their sexual intuition. Guess what? You won’t find your soulmate that way!

        Men, however, make too many life decisions based on status or surface impressions – they don’t wait
        around to perceive “the beauty within.” The moral of this conundrum is: Pay attention to your gut, but don’t allow your gut to boss you! Question it. Think about it. Think of the love you have received in your life and where it came from. Sometimes love potential reveals itself slowly.

        The magic of the Garden comes from Inspiration. Inspiration is the breath the Life Force moves through us – we can’t summon it and we can’t control it. When lost, we greatly mourn its absence. But when we feel its power we are elevated above ourselves. We feel we can do anything we choose. Afterwards we wake feverish, as if from a dream. As every artist and designer knows, work is more than Inspiration, but without its occasional visits work is nothing; tasteless, lifeless and void.

        Artists always have a strong sense that inspiration comes from the “outside”, not from anything “within”. It uses the component of our minds and lives and forces us to “reach outwards” into the universe of resources to answer its call. Art without inspiration is just plain hard work. Unfortunately, there will be many times Inspiration sketches out a plan and then moves on. We know the plan is Inspired but now we must implement it! Late nights & elbow grease! Inspiration can be compared to Love. Both unaccountably come and go. Just because one isn’t feeling momentarily loving about a soulmate doesn’t mean that Love has Fled – in fact it usually just means we’re facing an onslaught of effort. Life is an uphill battle – 90% Hard Slog, alas. If we’re Ten Percent Inspired we’re in the high numbers! Love (and inspiration) will return. In the meantime we’ll have to treasure the memory and blueprint a Future Plan. Discuss.

        Shock Pool

        Bored by their game
        From my perch I watched them,
        Dismantling rules, I
        Wrote down their patterns
        In gold-crested diaries. I was
        Weary of history and

        Pole-axed by Europe –
        I was affrighted
        By what mattered frightfully.
        Culture-Mad-Mother
        Forced us to look
        Then forced us to blink;

        Her timing was off.
        Father dreamed oceans –
        Encapsulating daughters
        In unsinkable Fiberglas
        Against the madness of Nature
        Loathing masculine privilege; I

        Disliked you on sight
        Insulted by proctoring
        You must be divested of
        Corduroys, wingtips, tweed
        & leather; we posed under waterfalls
        For Swedish love bibles.

        Clove-scented ecstasies
        Kindled my fevers at
        The moment of quenching them;
        Sweeping West – you pulled the Atlantic –
        Drowning us both in the riptide you created.
        The captain lied when he said

        We’d go home. Lubricated by champagne, you
        Peeled off my shock-pants
        and asked me to marry you.
        Since then illusion scorched into reality
        Providing the universe
        With plenty to write.

      1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

        CONFLICT – “The Storm”- “Triggers & Pushback”


        How good are we at facing bad news? Do we even want to know what it is? It’s impossible to plan for the future if we don’t intelligently strategize the things that COULD go wrong. We must weigh up our assets and debits – some of which are certainly emotional.

        Are we self-sabotagers? Do we quit right before the final push? Do we make alliances with untrustworthy people? Do we make ourselves vulnerable to dangerous people? Are we secretly hoping for “rescue” – that someone all-powerful and all-competent will sweep in and take our “mess” away? Remember back to our inner power principle, the person we want to be. Maybe we get discouraged far too easily by the negative voices in our heads. The path of lifetime self-improvement after all, started with our neither being able to talk or even stand up! Practice, practice, practice: forming “muscle” – even spiritual muscle – takes a lot of time.

        Then we must face up to fearful destruction we had no part in; perhaps caused only by the principles of waste, loss and entropy to which the entire universe is subject. We need a philosophy to carry us through these times that helps us strategize thrifty methods of maximizing and healing what resources we have left. We need to know the difference between “value” and “price”. We need to recognize the outright gifts we have been given – such as the courage and determination that brings us to this place – and give thanks for them.

          Conflict is an inevitability. No heat without friction, no forward movement without energy expenditure, no flight without first shedding our comfort carapace. When we want change, we are inviting conflict.


          The question is how much in control we feel. Triggers “set us off”; i.e. trigger any chain of events we may feel helpless over. But are we? Can the chain be arrested at any point? Let’s bring our mind to focus on the problem. Human history is created by human intelligence; let’s problem-solve. “I will arrest and re-direct this change.”

          Whore De Combat

          My sutures hurt; I’m
          Completely unavailable,
          Unsheathing your ambition you
          Laced up my body like a jerkin
          Cut my breakfast with your corkscrew
          Swiss Army
          Doubled up and put away.

          I’m fasting now
          Bracing for the worst
          I can’t eat anything that won’t
          Look right at me
          And want to know the truth;
          Who’s for real?
          What’s the state of play?

        1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

          Creativity : “Harness your Uniqueness”

            When searching for your soulmate this is no time to “blend with the crowd.” You need to discover exactly who you are so you can seek your complementary and missing elements. If you are uncertain or mistaken about your essential self, you won’t even recognize The One. You will be guaranteed to choose a partner based on false considerations of status or appearance. This requires you stop hiding your true self and allow it to emerge. Easier said than done! Turns out we all have been babying the shyly unique aspects of ourselves that don’t win instant recognition from the crowd. Well, we are going to have to experiment with taking Baby out for daily strolls and develop a bit of muscle. Don’t worry if the “likes” fall away – you are not trying to appeal to everyone. The creativity card means you will need to become imaginative in how you present yourself. You want someone accepting? Be accepting. You want someone brave? Be brave. You want someone who looks deeper? Look deeper.

            Fire In the Dust

            In photographs
            The ladies scream or laugh
            It’s hard to tell
            Heads back they bare their
            Grief or joy or
            Agonized relief
            It’s hard to tell.
            All that remains of them
            Tattered icons growing ever dim.

            The fountains of our fear
            Leap high at first, like dancers
            Frozen at first burst
            Of freedom
            Paralyzed abreast
            The arc
            We cannot see
            What tortuous sign these fossils
            Meant to be.

            In that first winter
            We thought the earth was dead
            Statues mated
            Trees erupted dragonflies
            The angry lonely
            Sang and cried.
            Somewhere some fetus twists and jerks
            Convergence of dynastic quirks

            So drop the toxic cloak of bitter spite that
            Melts the flesh and terrorizes night –
            Waiting out a cycle’s sum
            Spinning down to kingdom come.
            For nothing vain, came nothing plain
            This world was born
            To live again.

          1. The Language of Butterflies – Walking the Path of Attachment with Alysse Aallyn

            REGRET feeds DOUBT

              As soon as we begin refining our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside.

              Cloverleaf


              Some roads lead nowhere;
              They’re my favorites.
              I held my breath while
              You drew my face in
              Blinding strokes
              Creamed my mouth with curling lines
              Destroyed one picture; then another
              Never let me see. You
              Left at dawn while I
              Ran in circles, calling
              Raging, spending blackened
              Nights without you,
              No blue thigh to guard
              My trusting heart while yours looks out
              To gauge the coming storm.
              Trapped in cloverleaves,
              Sentenced to school by
              Streams of angry judges –
              Balked by
               The enervating past
              Of unlived lives
              Every face I paint is yours.
              Open up the chilly ruffles
              Of my breasts
              One more time –
              To beauty; yours and mine
              Electrify your
              Eldritch spine –
               Your body so much lighter
              Than the mountain that you loved
              Better than you loved me –
               The course you learned
              Better than you learned me – so
              Overconfident that
               you’ll come back
              I float across the powdered snow
              In bird-winged silence
              All-enveloping
              Unless I’m
              Lost?

              Lost and frozen like your heart?

            1. The Language of Butterflies – the Path of Attachment by Alysse Aallyn

              POWER: “Doubling”

                We are filled with the excitement and power of acquisition and multiplicity. We will finally have a helper, an interpreter, an enabler, a sharer. A Second Self with its rich promise of Difference – different memories, body type, fantasies, wishes, dreams – we can indulge ourselves in. We can’t wait to get going and find this person who promises us wings and immortality! The potential sexual ecstasy alone is keeping us up nights. Imagine thoroughly exploring another and being thoroughly explored yourself – with a lifetime to do it in. We can’t yet speak the language of butterflies, but we can imagine it. We are giving ourselves wings. With such commitment, every moment becomes a lifetime. We think we may have discovered the secret of eternal youth, to see and be seen through the eyes of love.

                Angel Clothes

                You are like a ripe peach
                Swollen in the summer of your life
                And as the peach surrounds its stone
                Your skeleton enwombs your soul
                But thinly.
                I often see it shining
                Through the hollows in your cheeks.
                I need your body
                Need to know its shadows
                Sound its pleasures
                But as the stone
                Though small at first
                Must grow; feeds off the dying peach
                So your spirit will transhume your flesh
                Disgorge it in
                A thousand peaches a thousand summers a
                Thousand eternities more beautiful than
                You or I

              1. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

                Homing – Forgiveness –
                Do you dream of home? What’s “home” to you? Sometimes we dream of a home that no longer exists, or never existed. DreamTherapy posits that “home” represents the state of psychic absolution where all mistakes are forgiven and fall away from us. We are cleansed. We dream of ultimate understanding where our sins are not too terrible to be entirely forgotten. Jesus suggests to us that state will never arrive until we learn to be the “forgivers”. Obviously, this means we must learn – somehow – to forgive ourselves.

                What Does It Mean to “Re-set”? – We don’t wish to be free of “consequences”. We want to learn and grow from our mistakes but not be humiliated and punished for them. Pretending they didn’t happen doesn’t free us. Seeing our mistakes as moves in a dance we all contribute to frees us from painful rumination and helps explain how the search for blame becomes a prison. “I did this because you –“… Human interactions are a tar-pit in which we trap and tar ourselves. We realize we need to forgive every chain in the event pattern if we are ever to have any peace.

                Challenge – Robert Frost defines “home” as a place where, when you show up, they have to take you in. Defining “they” defines your group, your tribe, your original home. Philosophy may provide an answer. Buddhists see history as a circle, Christians as a spiral. Ask these questions of your Dream Journal: which direction is the spiral headed and do we have time to learn what we need to know before there’s a cataclysm? Can you define the mess we’re all in and intuit your behavioral contribution? Is it possible to detach from the mess? Can you find a group – or even a moment (say, in yoga class) where you detach from the mess?

                Danger – Mixed up about “ultimate” right and wrong? Lots of atheists feel ”condemned” anyway. Think it through. One avenue leads to health, dignity and growth; the other leads in the opposite direction. Don’t make the mistake of “fundamental attribution error” either. Martin Luther King Jr. made a wise comment that the type of government capitalism desires is “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the rest of us.” It certainly suits corporations to lecture their employees on building a better world without incorporating any of those ideas into the bigger picture, where we have no control and they have absolute freedom. It is important that our resistance not embitter us.

                Opportunity – Forgiveness doesn’t require ignoring the past or accepting bad behavior. It’s part of an interaction where forgiveness is requested. Usually there is a recognition of fault or an expression of remorse: “I’ll never do that again!” When the requesting party seeks permission for the suffering to continue, “I can’t change” — that’ a different request. “Home” is not created that way. Hell is. Your opportunity is to point this out – if necessary, to yourself. “But if I’m not willing to try giving up my behavior because I think I’m not able to, this pattern will continually get worse.” And make an intelligent choice. “If it gets really bad I can always commit violence” is not an intelligent choice, “I need help” is.

                Models & Mentors – “It’s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it’s a powerful place, because it frees you” – Tyler Perry

                “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world”
                – Marianne Williamson

                “The weak can’t forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

                – Mahatma Gandhi

                “To forgive one another, we must understand one another” – Emma Goldman

                “Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. It liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself” – T.D. Jakes

                Mantra – “I forgive”

                Meditation –

                #Haiku: Forgiveness

                Returning home with
                New eyes
                Strong hands
                Fresh translations of
                Future past

              2. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

                Love – Love is the spirit that animates the empty spaces between humans. Once charged, these spaces become a powerful force for growth and change – uncharged they are so much dead air. Love is the longing to be truly alive and to share life with the Blissed, Blessed Others.

                Yearning Defines Us – Once we knew the meaning of life but it seems we have forgotten. But oh, how we long to be reminded, to re-experience the borderlessness between creatures that makes the dead universe come alive.

                Challenge – We can’t go back, we can only go forward. We must practice uncertain techniques we can’t recall in a threateningly uncertain world. We truly are standing up and running across the ocean, just as in my dream, but this time, we have the confidence of memory. Someone loved us once, now we can re-create and perpetuate that magic. In your Dream Journal, list all the aspects of love that you can remember. How many can you yourself practice?

                Danger – Danger lies in narrowing definitions. Love must ever open outwards. As soon as we turn Love into a zero sum game with a shut-off valve the moment we feel gratified, Love is killed.

                Opportunity – Close your eyes and assume yoga’s starfish pose. We are open to what the universe longs to teach and once we commit to pass it on, we form an unbreakable chain, free at last from the bonds of selfishness. Clasp the hand (or paw) that generously, trustingly takes hold of yours.

                Models & Mentors –“‘to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides”
                – David Viscott

                “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only what you are expecting to give, which is everything” – Katherine Hepburn

                “Love gives you a piece of your soul you never knew was missing”

                – Torquato Tasso

                “Love is the gift of oneself” – Jean Anouilh

                “I love you for who I am when I’m with you”
                – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

                Mantra – “I embrace”

                Meditation –

                #Haiku: Honesty

                Stop delusion
                No one’s fooled.
                Acknowledge
                Truth –
                Radiate
                Love:
                Know
                Peace.

              3. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

                Crystal Ball – Prophecy – The Number One question people have about dreams is, Are they prophetic? And the answer is of course YES. We already KNOW the “truth’. We fear the truth. We don’t want to face the truth. We fear the continuing “losses” of age because the accretions are so hard to see. Our dreams KNOW what is going on. But they are also Art, and art – especially good art – is as mysterious, meaningful and forceful as any living thing. It changes as you change, and it changes depending on how you look at it.

                Accept the Revelation – Open Dream Journal. It is time to list the revelations. Your dreams tell you when you are afraid. Your dreams tell you when something is missing. Your dreams uncover all the secrets you have been keeping from yourself. The first obligation is to accept is the possibility that the truth is not so terrible. It is the endless hiding, the mounting fear, that can be really destructive.

                Challenge – The truth is that we are human, that we are imperfect, and that we need each other. The truth is that humans need governance and law to regulate our natural blindness and selfishness (which some would call original sin) into peaceful accord. The truth is also that humans who lust only for power will eternally angle to get themselves into positions of control, exclusion and punishment. These types must be weeded out and it is courageous, difficult, and really unwelcome work, because we creative, loving, generous types have our own lives to live.

                Danger – Our dreams notify us when one of these lethal persons is in our midst. Our dreams offer a variety of plans for confrontation and escape, and a recipe for courage. At the present time, the Lethal Persons are banding together and hoarding weapons to give themselves even more guarantees for power and opportunities to enjoy our despair.

                Opportunity – Jesus said evil will not win. The challenge is to explore what ELSE he said, indeed, what is the message of all the great teachers? It is not to hate one another and go to war with one another and people who tell you that it is are agents of evil. The first challenge is to create peace in our own hearts, peace in our own lives, peace in our own homes, and then start developing compassion for those who are not so lucky. When their brutal tactics are exposed for the empty promises that they are as family destroyers, peace destroyers and community destroyers, they will acknowledge that their efforts to share their despair come from a desire to surmount despair, and that it has never worked and is not working. Then we will welcome them back into the community of Sharing.

                Models & Mentors – “We write the future moment to moment”

                – Pema Chodron

                “The best prophets lead you up to the curtain and leave you to peer through for yourself” – Frank Herbert

                “The greatest thing a human soul can accomplish in this world is to see that poetry, prophecy & religion all are one”
                – John Ruskin

                “The best way to predict the future is to create it”
                – Abraham Lincoln

                “Yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not come, let us begin” – Mother Teresa

                Mantra – “I see”

                Meditation –

                #Haiku: The Future

                Wisdom & will
                Extinguish death;
                Ides of Youth
                Depower Fear
                Share
                Growth

              4. #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

                Dispossessed – Do you dream of transgressions committed against you? Are you being robbed, stolen from, deprived? We wake with a sense of loss. Something has been taken from us, but what? The “politics of grievance” has always waged particular power, breeding anger and revenge. “You took something from me I will take something from you.” Yet our loss remains amorphous. We cling to the concept that we were “entitled” to something we no longer have. Philosophers and psychologists speculate; is it the mother’s womb? The family nest? What exactly is this lost paradise?

                You Can’t Take It With You – There is much talk nowadays that “the American Dream” is no longer possible. Very relevant to our study of DreamTherapy! Dreams are our specialty! But what was that “lost dream”, exactly? Some mystical concept of “wholeness” – family, life, work, rewards – that shifts according to who you are and where you are looking from. Once you are part of a “team” – even if just a team of two – the stakes seem different. Is that loss? Or accretion?

                Marx said all property is theft. We no longer fill our tombs with the junk of real life for use in the Great Beyond, “terra cotta servants” who will “wake” to wait on us hand and foot. We are forced to satisfy ourselves with strictly “mental” pictures. Is the detachment of elder-hood a triumph of success or a long wail of departure?

                Challenge – The “de-cluttering” movement did us all an enormous favor. Marie Kondo asked us to rid ourselves of every object that does not “spark joy”. That’s a high standard! We soon discover that daily life stirs up a lot of “necessary” detritus that sparks joy in literally no one but is a misery to live without. Probably the best way to free ourselves is to freshly contemplate this entitlement mystique. Open your Dream Journal and consider: What is it we think we are entitled to, and the next question is, is everyone entitled to the same thing? How’s that work?

                Danger – What does it mean when we believe we are entitled to something others are not? How do we stop them from wanting what we “have”? Do we “have” anything, really? It doesn’t take much to see this American Dream turning into a nightmare. We may say we’ve worked very hard for what we get but the whole principle of capitalism is to benefit from the work of others. It doesn’t take much to see the grievances THAT would stir up. And yet “state” ownership churns up grievances of its own. Ownership itself is fraught with exclusion, hostility, and danger. If our frame for adventure is a casino, we are mandating not winning, but losing on a massive scale.

                Opportunity – Do we possess objects when we are not physically present? Can we ever possess people? Do we WANT to take responsibility for another’s entire existence? Ask your Dream Journal: how do our dreams of freedom comport with our dreams of possession? Who – or what – is held captive? What if we freed ourselves – mentally and spiritually? Can we still enjoy the world if it doesn’t belong to us and we don’t belong to it? What would it feel like to release ourselves from captivity?

                Models & Mentors – “The more stuff I donated the more I was able to breathe, the more trash I threw away, the more weight I felt was lifted, the more I was able to see a new life, the more joy I found” – Zina Harrington

                “Clutter is postponed decisions” – Barbara Hemphill

                “Life is your masterpiece. Edit frequently and ruthlessly” – Nathan W. Morris

                “To the spoils belong the victor” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

                “Freedom is the oxygen of the soul” – Moshe Dayan

                Mantra – “I release”

                Meditation –

                #Haiku: Dispossessed

                We “own”
                Nothing:
                Objects, people, selves
                Sweated off
                As spirit
                Rises