Chapter 18 – Dream Island
Isla Ensueno is a resort –
Luckily Derek’s air miles included the
Pink stucco hotel.
“No one by that name,” the desk clerk told me so
Patiently. What kind of avatar name would
Mirabel choose? He wouldn’t stand for
Guessing so I tried describing her –
But the clerk shook his head.
Well, I couldn’t leave until tomorrow
Might as well check in and prowl.
It’s a very small island.
My thoughts were uncomfortable –
That oh-so familiar feeling –
Dinned into me by every adult I’ve ever met
That I’m probably doing
Everything wrong.
My “great idea” seemed feeble now
Typical teen impulsiveness.
This wasn’t far enough away – Florida!
How could Mirabel feel safe here?
Smart money said she’d flee
Ocean-wards – the Maldives or Malta or
Some such place – with a whole new
Passport and some new man in tow
Whose identity she could hide behind.
That’s if she wanted to create
A new persona. But what if –
This is what I gambled on –
She wanted instead to uncover
The old persona – the person
Who had always been there?
It was the only explanation
For involving me –
Other than simply feeding me
To her monster.
I had one single chance –
And possibly I’d blown it.
Dream Island was authentically gorgeous –
Mirabel hadn’t lied
But in the eight years since
Her photo shoot hadn’t its splendor
Diminished, wasn’t it becoming
Just the tiniest bit shabby?
Some people – myself for example
Like things whose edge has been
Taken off. As I circumnavigated
The island’s walking trail
A certain peace overtook me
That could have been
Maturity.
Was this what it felt like
Having nothing left to prove?
If you can enjoy the moment –
Filling yourself with it and
It with yourself –
Then you’ve arrived.
Questions bubbled.
What do you do
When your game has gone horribly wrong?
You start over.
Even if my guess was off
There was still that intriguing
Probability: what if Mirabel evolved
Until her only desire was having a self
Worthy of presentation to the magnificent
Universe this island represented?
Even at fourteen I understood nostalgia –
Viewing the confident know-it-all
My eleven-year-old incarnation
With the purest envy.
What if Mirabel re-set the game –
Made different choices
Stopped pleasing others by
Contorting her body into
Simulacra and challenged the world
To accept her real being?
The younger self I knew – hopeful –
Gorgeous – naïve, impatient –
Wasn’t in the Maldives!
As I walked I systematically
Searched every nook;
Old trees shading the privacy of
Lovers: I broke into – peering under
Awnings, stared right through
Sunglasses: but Mirabel
Wasn’t there.
The trail wound around a sand beach cove
And right up to the lighthouse;
I was unprepared; requiring
Binoculars, sunscreen and a
Really big hat;
Sea breezes made me shiver
In just cami and jeans –
Something put me
In the mood to climb the lighthouse.
Alysse Aallyn 