Alysse Aallyn

Category: Multiverse

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Fish – Ambisextrous:

    If This Card Chooses You – You Express All Genders Are you an empath? Do you identify easily with multiple avatars? Are you happiest with fluid roles in a relationship? Do you dream of the fetish trophies of gender; makeup, wigs, shoes, sports equipment? Do you have frequent “freedom” dreams: flying, swimming? Waking up damp, pulses pounding?

    Love Opens Warriors – Empathy Enobles Warriors – IS there an “opposite” sex? Deep empathy makes us worthy to be our own romantic partners, the subject of our lifelong pursuit. This is nothing but the honorable, deepest desire to truly know oneself AND others, to master selfhood and compassion before leaving the planet. C.S. Lewis says we are not a body with a soul, we are Souls with a body.

    Warrior Strategy Requires “Becoming” the Other – Strengthening our imagination, we see through the barriers raised by the fearful and the pugnacious. What is “winning”? Empaths double – triple – multiply our vision, our power, and therefore our souls.

    Don’t Fear Gender – Warriors who perform “gender specifics” are limiting themselves. Warriors who look for opportunities to expand their reach encompass the powers, the delights, the ecstasies of all humans. What we absorb, we reflect.

    Warriors Don’t Fear Physicality – We express ourselves with this gloriously gifted, given body, coming through this gloriously gifted, given world. Woody Allen says bisexuality doubles your chances to get a date on Saturday night. Anything wrong with that? Warriors never “force” themselves to perform sexually; that is subjugation.

    Warriors Move Slowly to Absorb, Interpret, Comprehend – We desire to see, to know, to experience everything. Always move as slowly as you feel comfortable with, keeping all options and emotions alive. The “sexual revolution” was a lot of fun, but it was spoiled for many by a witless prejudice against “reserve.” Revulsion, instinctive distaste and doubt tell us plenty. We are on this earth to hone our “gut” instinct as well as our sensitivities. Gavin de Becker, danger specialist, reminds us that fear is an insight, an intuition, a God-given “gift.” Honor it.

    Warriors Educate Themselves on Risk – Dangerous “bad sex” stories start with substance abuse, usually undertaken with a nervous desire to get into a more relaxed or even transcendental state; but all it actually does is skip over the “informed consent” that is such an important feature of identity and will. Predators with a need for speed drug their prey! Afterwards the complex feelings of violation and shame can take a lifetime to deal with. These facts mean we must study “trust” BEFORE we study sex. What is trust? Safety? Honor? Let’s work on those issues while we develop a free space to evolve, experiment and grow.

    Warriors Seize Opportunity – Fresh interpretations of “gender“ make this a glorious time to be alive. I can recall when gender was a prison sentence of compulsion and rigidity! Now it is an invitation to live more fully, to experience oneself and others more richly, to participate in that fruitful, heavenly life for which we all yearn.

    Models & Mentors – “The great gift of human beings is we all have empathy. We can sense a mysterious connection to each other” – Meryl Streep

    “Leadership is about empathy. It is about relating to people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives” – Oprah Winfrey

    “The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter I which heart speaks to heart”

    – Pope Francis

    “I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization” – Roger Ebert

    “Empathy has no script…there is no right way or wrong way…there is only listening, emotionally connecting, communicating the incredibly healing message ‘You’re not alone” – Brene Brown

    #Haiku: Ambisextrous

    Fresh birthed –
    Splash
    Into you
    Drenched,
    Once
    Halved, now
    Wholed –
    Doubling multiplies
    Us

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Breakthrough – Epiphany:

    If This Card Chooses You – Let the Knowledge Pour In – You didn’t even know there was a wall there! And suddenly, you’re through it and the world looks completely different on the other side.

    Are you battering against barriers in your dreams? Are you breasting tape, cresting mountaintops, shedding light on darkness? You are seeking, or experiencing an epiphany. Let’s consider the pieces of your psyche/life that don’t add up.

    Eureka! – Warriors Learn From Epiphanies – It’s possible to have a sudden enlightenment and NOT FULLY REALIZE it. Could it be that it is too threatening? Could be that you lack the language to explain the new connection you have made. Could be that your “discovery” started down so deep in your consciousness that it’s taking its time to percolate through to the surface. YOU ARE “MOLTING”! Shed what no longer serves you. In the meantime, pay attention to your dreams and track them in your Training Journal. Dreams have the power to heal the jagged edges of our fear, our incomprehension and our daring.

    Warrior Danger – We quit too early. Status quo is SO attractive. Let somebody else be the adventurer, let somebody else put into words what nobody else can say, let some other poor sucker stick their neck out and mention that the emperor has no clothes. Study your fears rationally. It’s OK to protect yourself – in fact, it’s mandatory – remember making sure that oxygen mask works on YOU, first? But that doesn’t stop us from evaluating the full “reality”, which also, I remind you, contains suspicions, insights, ideas and yes, dreams. Whispers of the multiverse.

    Grow New Skin – Warriors are highly accomplished, well-trained professionals who sometimes find themselves at the bottom of a pecking order. Are you in a group whose leader is making decreasing sense and ever more self-serving decisions? If you’ve been struggling with a knotty historical, mathematic or scientific problem nobody else can solve, why not try seeking the edges of light?

    Transform Your Thinking – how often have you had that experience of waking up from a dream whose conclusions were so real they were right in front of you, only to see them melt in the sand like the escaping tide until they’re no longer perceptible. That’s OK. They’re on the tip of your psychic tongue, just waiting for a little more encouragement.

    Learn New Things – We are all familiar with the “sleep on it” suggestion, but anything that takes your mind off the problem can be helpful. Sports, prayer, meditation, reading, a massage, a night out, but please – not too much liquor. Hold it at two if you can, if you can’t, don’t start. Liquor affects the brain, killing brain cells. That might keep overlords seeking compliance happy but it’s not good for warriors’ growth and development. Develop a gratitude practice. Keep dreaming. Keep seeking those epiphanies. Keep using your fears as stepping stones to climb higher. Never give up. Be clever – like the fox.

    Models & Mentors – “Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” – John Milton

    “Record these epiphanies with care as the most delicate and evanescent of moments”

    – James Joyce

    “Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising” – Isaiah 60: 1-3

    “One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing” – Henry Miller

    #Haiku: Epiphany

    Dominos crash:
    Picture resolves:
    Insight –
    Upside down is
    Right side up

  • Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Paradise – Bliss:

      If This Card Chooses You – Suffering isn’t eternal. Your ecstasy is guaranteed. But what is your definition of paradise? Some people want to see their enemies suffer. That’s what the view looks like – in hell. If you wanted to find your bliss, where would you look? Find yourself dreaming of a tropical getaway? Is your definition of heaven raised consciousness or lack of consciousness? Would you want to know what is happening in the world or would you want to be removed from the world? Can you really be happy if you know there is suffering anywhere?

      If There Is a Hell, Multiverse Declares Its Opposite Must Exist – As we mature, we can choose to either elevate or denigrate our consciousness. We are creating “heaven”, or “hell” – our choice. Which direction are you tending? Which direction do you want to go?

      Are Warriors Heaven Material? When we are young, we obsess about whether we are really liked or loved, whether we are really “popular.” As we get older we slowly realize that people like/love to the extent of their spiritual and emotional ability/depth. Shallow people offer very shallow love – nothing can take root there. It can flip in an instant. If the whole purpose of life on this planet – a struggle by any standard – is for humans to become more like God then we are being challenged to create the kind of emotional and psychic depth that sees ”inside’ – understands and accepts everyone’s struggle, everyone’s challenge.

      Warrior Challenge – Bliss is a scientifically provable psychic state of timeless ecstasy mapped by “alpha waves” which can be seen in the brain. This state is called “flow”. We drift outside ourselves and belong to the universe. It is the condition called “mastery.” This is such a happy state we long to cultivate and re-experience it, which we can do from immersing ourselves in art, meditation, love, sexual/emotional union, or thought.

      Warrior Soul – Non-Warriors bounce between self-obsession and living entirely in and through other people. Neither condition is optimal, although there are times in our lives when these states are necessary or unavoidable. Balance – sometimes called moderation – is the warriors’ secret. Warriors are IN the group, but we are not “the group”. We do not subjugate our brain to the “group mind” but contribute our educated brain-power to it. Warriors elevate the group with the our Soul power even when others try to drag it down through thoughtless replication of idiotic non-ideas.

      Self-Lessness is A Terrible Fate – Some people choose to never develop an individuated self. They pass from group to group, trying to “fit in” and quell the inner voice that says. “this isn’t right.” Warriors call attention to violations of our basic human mandate: to develop a soul that is worthy of God.

      Warriors are Individuals Who Become More and More Unique – You are on a hero’s quest: you are the hero and the quest is for your Soul. This is both an inner and an outer quest. We have responsibilities from birth onwards; when we come to consciousness we can clearly see we are our brother’s/sister’s keeper. We are our own keeper, too. Mistakes – sometimes devastating ones – are expected. It’s a dangerous world and we will meet more than one predator looking to make a meal of us.

      Warriors Know Where They are Going – Elevate, denigrate or disintegrate. Your choice: every minute of every day. consciousness. “Heaven”, or “hell” – your choice. Which direction are you tending? Which direction do you want to go?

      Warriors Know Bliss – Bliss is the haze that comes after successful efforts. Bliss is the warriors’ prize. It comes not only from doing well, but from intending to do well and shaping your soul and purpose and ideation toward Wellness.

      Warriors Choose Heaven – We must be wily as the snake and tender as the dove. Because in the end, it’s all about Love. The more you give, the more you feel. The more you give, the larger your capacity for ecstasy.

      Models & Mentors – “Follow your bliss and walls turn into doors” – Joseph Campbell

      “In a state of bliss – everything is love” – Deepak Chopra

      “Joy is a connection to what matters – a sustained sense of well-being and inner peace”

      – Oprah Winfrey

      “I need not sell my soul to buy bliss” – Charlotte Bronte

      #Haiku: Bliss

      You and
      I
      Merge;
      Evanesce;
      Solids
      Deliquesce:
      Fire,
      Air
      Acquiesce.

    1. Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

      Sex – Soulmates:

      If This Card Chooses You – You are searching for your “other”. Do you look in the mirror and see another face? Do you dream of a lost twin? Do you imagine “the other” across a crowded room, and think when you touch their hand, you will feel a strange galvanic charge? Do you think soulmates are even possible? Is there only one or are soulmates developed? Are you disenchanted with sex? Do you have sex dreams that are more like night terrors? Does sex make you feel increasingly worthless and untouchable?

      Soulmates Are Real And You Have One – It’s never too late. You are never so “lost” you can’t find your soulmate. The problem is, your soulmate feels just the way you do and both of you are frightened of those feelings, isolating you further in an invisible, impenetrable membrane. You want your soulmate to rescue you, but warriors rescue each other. This takes a lot of bravery, a lot of humility, much insight and a little magic.

      When Warriors bond there is no going back.
      The potential magic of sexual connection ignites the search for a SoulMate. Warriors believe that once found, a Soul Pair becomes capable of Time Travel, TransSubstantiation, and Immortality. Genders merge; either one can be feminine, masculine or androgyne at will. One wing searches for another to form a bird and fly. The question we must ask ourselves is: are we willing to undergo the pain of having the boundaries of our borders breached to fully merge with another?

      Warriors Lift Each Other’s Souls – The power of a doubled pair is raised to the nth power by their knowledge, commitment and shared purpose.

      Warriors Release Each Other – There are so many permissions, forgivenesses, and skills we cannot give ourselves. Love literally gives you eyes in the back of your head. There is no hiding from your soulmate.

      Doubled Warriors Power the Universe – The constant clash of mating, sharing, satisfying and negotiating is the music of the spheres. It keeps us all spinning in an ecstasy of selfless selfhood.

      Warrior Challenge – There are plenty of frogs out there and some vipers, and you will kiss each. Possibly more than once. It’s also possible that we have “rewired” our system – through porn, games, and casual sex – so that it actually prevents us from recognizing a soulmate and forging a life bond. This is why starting as friends is so critical. It gets your defenses down to the point where you can talk about fears, desires and problematic reactions. Go slowly, welcome mistakes and be prepared to learn.

      Warrior Danger – Sometimes – let’s face it – most times, you and your soulmate are “sick.” You have “caught” infection from a society that says “fuck you” to eternal, mystical, mutual sexual union. That makes things hard. You don’t recover overnight. You must commit to good mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual hygiene and you will both have to figure out what it is. You need to make a plan – yes, a map – out of each other’s minds and bodies. If the other person refuses to accept health you will have to detach for your own sanity and safety. Vampires make other vampires, and bliss will elude them. The most important part of soulmating is the mutual pledge for health and growth – for both of you.

      Warrior Opportunity – My book, I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead – is about the supernatural powers of soulmates. It’s about what to do when you dislike and distrust your soulmate at first. It’s about what to do when you and your soulmate both have horrific pasts and are pursued by actual demons. I can’t say it clearer than that. Don’t be frightened. Your bond is eternal, across time, geography and multiverses. Take it slow. You have all the time in the multiverse.

      Bereavement Is Never The End – As life itself is not the end, bereavement cannot be. The glory of perfecting still awaits, and detached Soulmates have been known to find each other and form new spiritual and physical connections.

      Models & Mentors – “A soulmate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life and then introduce you to your spiritual master” – Elizabeth Gilbert

      “A soulmate is the one person whose love is powerful enough to motivate you to meet your soul to do the emotional work of self-discovery and awakening” – Kenny Loggins

      “They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. They were crazy about each other” – Nicholas Sparks

      “I know what love is, because of you.” – Herman Hesse

      #Haiku: I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead

      Only soulmates can
      Slay each other’s dragons
      Says Tibetan Master

    2. Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

      1. Spring – Hope:

      If This Card Chooses You – You Have Reason to Hope. You Cannot Be Too Hopeful. Is Spring your favorite season? Do you dream of unfolding buds and exploding flowers? Is “the mustard seed” your favorite parable? Spring Always Follows Winter – after dormancy, now arrives the season best calculated to provide ideal conditions for growth. Spring is beginning, freshness, newness. It starts small – barely recognizable – the tiniest frond of green among the blackness, calling forth an answering shiver from somewhere deep inside us. We are told that very cell in our body replaces itself in seven years, so springtime is a constant within us. Hope courses through your body with every flush of oxygen and blood empowering our systems.

      Hope is Warriors’ fuel. Hope is eternal. Do you dream of uncovering buried truths? What is your quest? Will it ever be over? Hope is not about “resolution” but about envisioning a future you have a hand in promoting. You feel a sense of awe, but also ownership and some pride. This is YOUR discovery. Now you want to share it with the whole world.

      Warrior Challenge – Don’t waste your imagination on games. Games can be a training ground but all too often our society seeks to harness and entrap your energies onto a treadmill that benefits only the few. Your dreams, your aspirations, your thirst for knowledge, is wider than this. You know the complexities of the universe are even more amazing than anyone has guessed and you want to call attention to them. You need to learn how.

      Hope Is a Sacred Obligation – Life persists in spite of entropy, In spite of darkness, in spite of destruction. Life is a perpetual motion machine fueled by hope, and warriors are the priests of life.

      Warriors Nurture Hope and Pass It On – Hope is the condition of believing better things are possible. It is mandated by the fact that all growing things need nurturing if they are to flourish. Warriors are the mothers of the universe.

      Warrior Dangers – include tunnel vision, paranoia and megalomania. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Obsession becomes obvious when harms become visible. Don’t “give up” because you can’t seem to impose your vision on the world. Are you eating and sleeping? Maintaining your relationships? You can’t achieve bigtime without a team and you need to keep your team happy & nourished. Conflating the majesty of discovery with your own personal majesty – needing that majesty – separates you from human kind and that can’t go well. It blinds you. Paranoia seeds fears that others are stealing from you, riding on your coattails, tarnishing your legacy. But each patch of fresh ground leads to more discoveries. The astonishment – and the astonishers – never stop! Practice humility and gratitude. Aren’t you lucky to be a part of all this? Isn’t it wonderful?

      Warrior Opportunity – Assembling a “team” is critical. TEAM isn’t a formal concept and it doesn’t mean maintaining a payroll. It requires finding the energy to keep your hope alive while keeping it realistic in the community. This implies explaining yourself over and over, developing your idea. Allow others to offer the energy of their perspectives. Even when you see them as wrong-headed, they can operate as whetstones, sharpening our vision. Most important are supporters who catch a “contact high” from the joy of your insights. This happiness creates a nourishing environment that powers us forward. Move confidently in the direction of growth and away from diminishment.

      Models & Mentors – “Hope is being able to see there is light in spite of the darkness” – Desmond Tutu

      “What I try to cultivate is not blind optimism but radical hope” – Junot Diaz

      “Everything that is done in this world is done by hope” – Martin Luther

      “Only in darkness can you see the stars” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

      #Haiku: Altruism

      Crows call “Come Eat!”
      Across trees in hope
      Someday strangers
      Feed baby
      Crows.

    3. Becoming a Warrior – the Warrior Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

                    Seventeen -The Shadow – Dissonance:

      If This Card Chooses You – Consider the unseen. Are you dreaming of reversals? Sudden surprises or a creeping sense of unease? Upsets? Do you wake with a sense of having forgotten something important you almost understood?


      Something’s Not Quite Right – Ever have that sneaking sense you’ve wandered into a masquerade? We are trying to learn the rules, but the rules keep changing. Someone’s moving the goalposts. By the time you’ve arrived, the “promise” has “expired.”

      Impostor Syndrome – Are we the fake, or is it everyone around us who’s faking it? “Fake it till you make it” is definitely a rule. But is the game worth playing? Your Training Journal reflects the Warrior Reality. Meditation will reveal your wholeness to you.

      Activate Your Spidey Senses – First, have a self. This ought to be the easy part! Everyone has a self – right? If only! From our earliest memory not only was “love” conditional but ALL rewards were. We wanted to find out who we really were and what we were capable of but it never seemed the right time. Let’s start by taking our suspicions seriously – you’re not paranoid if they’re REALLY out to get you.

      Warriors Are Sensitive Instruments registering seismic shifts and deep tectonic disturbances below the threshold of consciousness. Something always IS “going on” and you have studied long enough to be alert to the many warning signals! This can be exhausting. We long for relaxation, peace and quiet, a clear blue sky without a single cloud.

      Warrior Challenge –The key to intelligent management of dissonance is to think of the world as an orchestra playing a symphony. The more able we become to distinguish the varied instruments and musical lines the more we will appreciate and enjoy the experience. Balance is key. We schedule regular periods of rest and renewal.

      Warrior Danger – Avoid a “bunker mentality.” The universe has many bunkers, but is bigger than any single one. We must cultivate a hierarchy of response. We get out of bed in the middle of the night for a fire alarm, not a phone notification. Don’t allow yourself to become dismissive and numb but seek out advice and encouragement from others who understand a healthy growth process. All of us live in groups, curate your group to promote intelligent awareness in an atmosphere of hope. Dissonance and dormancy are not doom.

      Resistance Is Never Futile – We each will be given a chance to spend our night on the watchtower, but you don’t need to spend every night there. Consider dissonance and discord invitations to accept maturity. We are putting away childish things. The sky is NOT falling, but the climate is under legitimate scientific threat. Strategize ways to band together with like-minded members of your community to take useful action. This is an opportunity to show self-love, as well as love for the group, the environment, the world and the future. The attitude, “I care about you so I’m going to take care of you” keeps us sensitive to the message of Universal Love that is always waiting breathlessly to embrace us.

      Suit Up For the Long Haul – There’s a reason you chose the ‘dissonance” card. You can sense something moving just out of your peripheral vision. Someone in your closest circle is lying to you. Do you know how to check for honesty? Test for reality? Check their pasts. Interview their friends AND their enemies. Are they pushing too hard? Trying to “sign you up?” How do they treat wait-staff? Do they speak disrespectfully of others? What’s their philosophy of life?

      When It’s Too Good to Be True – That often means the trap is just about to be sprung. Warriors think for themselves.

      Models & Mentors – Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to fads, trends and popular opinion” – Jack Kerouac

      “Better to fail in originality than succeed in imitation”
      – Herman Melville

      “If you don’t fit in, you’re probably doing the right thing” – Henry David Thoreau

      “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth” – John F. Kennedy

      #Haiku: Depth Psychology

      Substrata
      Dissonance?
      Game on!
      Unearth yourself –
      Transect core
      Meanings

    4. Secrets of the Self – how I became a warrior by Alysse Aallyn

      2. Ego

      From the very beginning I didn’t like doing the same thing as other people. What was the point of that? If someone ordered the same food as me, I changed my order. I was surprised that people would want to do the same thing at the same time. As I grew older, enthusiasm was ruthlessly damped down and my possibilities seemed to harden. Who other people thought you were was “ego”. And they wanted you to stay in that place. Much as I wanted to be admired, maybe even cherished, I could see this categorizing was limiting. A very bad thing. But how to get out of it seemed a conundrum. How can you view the situation you’re in from a point of view you don’t actually have? Lucky for us, there’s imagination! If we are really lucky, imagination crystallizes into Art.

      I discovered we don’t have to settle for Ego, for making ourselves distinct from other people. Artists are shape-shifters – they all the best lines, all the brightest colors, giving themselves the best possibilities.

      When the “multiverse” became popular, I wasn’t surprised. I was used to living several lives at once.

      Being Wrong

      Warriors don’t “settle.”

      We never “stay put”.

      Warrior Essence is

      Exploring new territory.

      Territory that scares you

      Features you don’t recognize

      Sparks uncomfortable feelings.

      I learned to like this.

      Roving continents alone

      Doing everything

      Wrong.

    5. Constellations: Berenice’s Hair – a poem by Alysse Aallyn

      Constellations: Berenice’s Hair

      Meteoric dust drips ash
      Into my upturned mouth;
      I taste stars;
      What manner of being are you?
      I only know you’re something
      That I need. Your

      Mirrored endlessness partakes of
      Nothing human, yet suggests
      Completion. Your shadow arches
      Over everything, a lover who
      Won’t give satisfaction. I’ll take
      The expert titillation

      Of your neglect.
      Hunger burns so purely in
      This atmosphere. Without you
      I might be myself; with you
      I am nothing. But
      Deflation is a lover’s privilege.

    6. Caving: a comedy

      The End!

      (SCENE 8. Lights up on our sleeping couple. BO and VAYRE emerge from the other side of the stage.)

      BO
      There they are!
      (HEDJ sits up but does not rise)

      HEDJ
      Finally!

      BO
      Yeah, I see how hard you were looking for us!

      HEDJ
      Buddy, I got swept away by a RIVER of SLIME! What’s your excuse?

      REV
      (Opening her eyes sleepily)

      I can’t believe dream telepathy actually works!

      (Noting the rope)

      How come you two are all tied up?

      BO
      So we wouldn’t get separated!

      (Strikes his forehead)

          Boom! You’re welcome!

      REV
      Wow! How romantic!

      HEDJ
      Seriously we DREAMED you into finding us. Boom!

      (Strikes his forehead)

      You’re welcome!

      (The two men square off)

      BO
      While you were DREAMING we were searching! Guess which takes more effort?

          HEDJ

      It’s work SMARTER, not HARDER!

      VAYRE
      Well, WE fell into a pile of bat carcasses!

      BO
      I rescued her!

      REV
      Disgusting? Or romantic? Why are those two so often the same?

      VAYRE
      What got you so sleepy all of a sudden?

      REV
      Rescuing HIS sorry ass from the river of slime!

      HEDJ
      (Jovially)

      I lost everything!

      (REV & HEDJ hug)

      BO
      Way to go!

      (He & HEDJ high five while the girls roll their eyes)

      VAYRE

      We’ll never get out of now. We just keep getting deeper. It’s hopeless.

      (This makes HEDJ scramble to his feet)

      HEDJ
      I bet you weren’t even searching for us! You were just trying to get out. Some friend you are. What happened to the Bro Code?

      BO
      Think I should have jumped in for a swim, like you did? I had a beautiful girl to look after!

      REV
      Wow. This guy’s special!

          VAYRE

      Isn’t he? He’s a keeper!

      HEDJ
      LUCKILY my brain is more powerful than yours!

      (The men look like they might fight.)

      VAYRE
      Guys, stop it. Everyone found everyone and now we have to find a way out. Four brains are better than one.

      HEDJ
      We could look for a shortcut.

                                                BO
                 And BACK to the stupid ideas!

                                          VAYRE
                  This better not be another digging scenario.

                                          HEDJ
                   No, smart thinking, not hard thinking.

      (Taps his forehead)

                         We need to look for  a wormhole.  

                                        BO

                  You are kidding me!

                                         REV

      No, seriously, listen to him! He brought you here by MENTAL TELEPATHY! I didn’t think it would work either!

                                              VAYRE
                   Like a wormhole with WORMS?

                                        HEDJ
                   No. Quantum tunneling! 

            REV
    Quantum tunneling? Is that a thing?

            VAYRE

    Like an energy path to another dimension.

                                         BO
                   Science fiction!

                                        REV
                    But I liked the old dimension!

                                        VAYRE
                    Did you?  Did you REALLY?

                                       VAYRE

      (Holding BO’s hand)
      Until I had Bo.

                                              REV
        Nobody ever “has” ANYBODY!

      (HEDJ holds up REV’s hand)

          HEDJ

      But you and I have each other! So, see? We’re in another dimension already!

           BO

      Any way out is a way out that WORKS is all right with me. The proof is in the pizza.

          VAYRE

      Tacos.

          BO

      Whatever.

      REV
      How do you find a wormhole? How do you even recognize one?

      HEDJ
      They’re reflective, like one of those mirrored balls. It’s a curve.

      BO
      Oh, for Christ’s sake!

      REV
      It sounds CRAZY!

      HEDJ
      Hey, I studied physics! I’m not making this stuff up – some guy at Caltech discovered it. What’s the point of a million dollar education if you never use what you learn?

      VAYRE
      It just sounds so impossible.

      BO
      If they exist, how come I’ve never seen one?

      REV
      How do you know you haven’t? You probably thought it was a garden ball!

      HEDJ
      They can’t exist where people congregate, otherwise it would already have been discovered. You have to look for a wormhole where no one has ever been. This is the perfect place!

      REV
      So what are we supposed to do when we see one?

      HEDJ
      Jump in!

      BO
      Says the man who JUMPED into a RIVER of SLIME!

      REV
      But wouldn’t we be like – destroyed? Blasted apart?

      HEDJ
      No. The curved, reflecting properties keep the energy stable. You wouldn’t want a wormhole that DOESN’T look like a garden ball.

      VAYRE
      But where do they go?

      HEDJ
      Anywhere. Forward, the past, different worlds – who knows?

      REV
      But if they are stable theoretically that means we COULD return.
      I mean, if we wanted to.

      HEDJ
      Sure. Why not?

      BO
      That’s if we WANTED to.

      VAYRE
      We could return prepared! Like with better equipment! I don’t know about you but I’ve never been prepared. For anything.

      REV
      Equipment would be nice. ANY equipment would be nice.

      VAYRE
      I don’t want to go back into the past before fake nails or dishwashers.

      REV
      Or birth control or dentists.

      BO
      Don’t worry about that. Time travel CAN’T happen!

      HEDJ
      And why’s that?

      BO
      Because of the grandmother paradox! Because you’d mess up your own birth, that’s why!

      REV
      (Separating them)

      Let’s agree that nothing that CAN’T happen will happen! OK? You’re officially arguing about NOTHING.

      HEDJ
      Guess I’m a born lawyer, too!

      VAYRE

      (Shining her light upwards)

      If it would reflect a face, wouldn’t it reflect light?

      BO
      I guess it would have to.

      REV
      But how can we see everywhere?

      HEDJ
      We can see everywhere because there are four of us! It’s like the magic number!

      VAYRE
      Got it!

      (They link arms backwards, leaning out)

      HEDJ
      Rev, shine your light up there.

      REV
      I think I see something.

      VAYRE
      But it’s too far up.

      HEDJ
      We’ll have to investigate. Rev’s good with a lasso.

      REV
      Thanks but there’s nothing up there to hold onto.

      BO
      We could climb if we all work together.

      VAYRE
      Let’s make a pyramid!

      (They mimic climbing, building a series of yearning, reaching pyramids with each getting a chance for the top and seeming to haul the next up after)

      BO
      Hold my hand!

      VAYRE
      I think I see something!

      HEDJ
      Grab on!

      REV
      Here we go!

      BO
      Oh, my God what’s that?

      (Breathing heavily they drop to their knees in a tight knot looking out at the audience. Lights in the theatre suddenly go up and the four gasp with astonishment, vault joyously to their feet)

      ALL TOGETHER
      Wow!

      LIGHTS.

      END

    7. Caving: a comedy

      (SCENE 7: Lights out on them and up on BO who has made it to the stage where he finds the rope tied to a rock.)

      BO
      Vayre? Vayre? Oh, my God, Wendy where are you?

      (He falls backwards. She appears around the rock adjusting her pants.)

      VAYRE
      No need to shriek like a little girl.

      BO
      You almost gave me a heart attack! I thought I was alone down here! What’s with this?

      (Shakes the rope)

      This wasn’t part of our deal!

      VAYRE
      Keep your shirt on! I had to take a pee!

      BO
      You can pee with a rope tied to your waist!

      VAYRE
      Who elected you the God of pee?

      BO
      And I was risking my life FOR YOU among the bat carcasses!

      VAYRE
      I warned you never to say that word!

      (BO produces the program and hands it to her.)

      BO
      (Starts untying the rope from the rock)
      I fulfilled MY part of our bargain. Now you put this right back on!

      VAYRE
      What for? We’re standing six inches apart!

      BO
      So we NEVER get separated again! Don’t you see, it’s a miracle you found your way back! Down here that’s no joke! We’re DEAD if we don’t get out together.

      VAYRE
      I was right over there! I wasn’t getting lost. No one sets out to get lost. Hmmm. Let me guess: you’re the child of divorce.

      BO
      Who isn’t? I thought all marriages immediately expired after fifteen years.

      VAYRE
      Seven years in MY parents’ case. But mine isn’t going to.

      BO
      But how can you stop it? Seems everyone just goes crazy after a set period of time. We have different set points is all.

      VAYRE
      But can’t a couple like, evolve together?

      BO
      (Finding this sexy)
      Into what…a new species?

      VAYRE
      (Ditching the program)

      This isn’t it! You’ve lost my map! Now we have to operate on theory alone.

      BO
      Sounds dangerous. Which theory are you using?

          VAYRE

      Unified field? If we’re acting like waves and they’re acting like
      particles then –

          BO

      I operate on Meeny-Miny-Mo theory. YOU lost it. So it’s your turn to go search.

      (Begins tying the rope to her waist)

          If I tug three times…

      VAYRE
      (Gulping)
      You know I can’t do that! What about the bat carcasses?

      BO
      Then we’ll go together. We’ll trust our instincts. We’ll…evolve.

      (He passes a loop of rope around her drawing her closer to him.)

      VAYRE
      You now, it’s funny. I’m not scared when you’re here.

      BO
      (Looking down realizes they are securely bound together)

           Then I suggest we make camp.

      VAYRE
      Make camp! With a half bottle of Gatorade and a power bar?

      BO
      Sure! Wait for THEM to find US.

      (She throws a loop of rope around him)

      VAYRE
      Help, help.

      (Not like she means it.)

      How long do we wait?

      BO
As long as it takes, Wendy Vayre.

      (They are securely bound hip to hip. Tentative kisses.)

      VAYRE
      Let’s hope it takes forever, Darcy.


      (More kisses)

      I’m a little concerned about your friend.

      BO
      MY friend? Not your friend?

      VAYRE
      If Rev finds your friend she’s probably strangling him right now.

      BO
      Why? Is she a mean girl?

      VAYRE
      She’s mad at you guys over this whole caving thing. She doesn’t like that many people and she’d HATE you.

      (Throws her arms around his neck.)

      BO
      What’s so hate-worthy about me?

      VAYRE
      That this bad, bad date was your idea.

      BO
      I’m a bad date, am I?

      (They start kissing passionately.)

      VAYRE
      You have your good side. But seriously! This is the worst!

      BO
      Worst place you’ve ever hooked up? Seriously?

      VAYRE
      Who says we’re hooking up?

      BO
      Right. No hookups. We’re…evolving. That’s how I interpret it.

      VAYRE
      Interpretations aren’t reality. What if we never see each other again?

      BO
      Fat chance of that when we’re entangled!

      VAYRE
      Listen buddy, I can imagine the future.

      BO
      Well, stop it. People get into a lot of trouble over that. You’re a prophet now?

      VAYRE
      Yeah. And I’m usually right.

      BO
      I’m ready to be surprised.

      (Thinks)

      Unless you decide you never want to see me again.

      VAYRE
      That depends.

      BO
      It DEPENDS? On what? On how we evolve?

      VAYRE
      On how good you are at getting us out of here. I mean, are you just a handsome dolt, or what?

                                                 BO

      (Very gratified)
      You think I’m handsome?

                                                 VAYRE

      (Running her hands up and down his arms)

                    I think you’re very good looking.

                                           BO
             You should have seen me in high school!   I had a serious case of pizza face.  

                                            VAYRE
              Everyone’s hopeless in high school. I was flat as a board.

                                            BO
             You? Flat?

      (He tests it out)
      VAYRE
      As a BOARD.

      (More kissing)

                 I warn you, my standards are high. Don’t start anything you can’t finish.

                                            BO

      You can afford to have high standards. But you’re lucky with me. I’m a finisher.

                                                  VAYRE
            You are?

                                            BO
             Big time. You know I‘m the first in my family to go to this college?

                                            VAYRE
               I’m impressed.

                                            BO
    That’s why I’m determined to be a doctor. Unless they kick me out first.

                                           VAYRE
                They wouldn’t do that.

                                            BO
               Grades, money. They’re always on my case.

                                           VAYRE
               Why’s that?

                                            BO
               I do finally get there but…I’m slow.

                                           VAYRE

      That’s not a bad thing. I like a guy who paces himself. You don’t know how to talk to them, probably. Bureaucratese is a who separate language.

                                                  BO
               Ain’t that the truth! The dean keeps sending me these emails and –

                                             VAYRE
              You ignore them, am I right?

                                             BO
               I can never make up my mind what they want me to say.

                                             VAYRE

      I’ll tell you what to say. When they pull that on you, go plant yourself in his office, shake the emails at them and demand, “How is this happening?”

                                                   BO

      I can’t see me doing that. I get tongue tied. I can see YOU doing it. I can see you winning at it, too!

                                                 VAYRE
            You don’t win UNLESS you do it.

                                           BO
             Yeah, well I’m not a pretty girl.  Pretty girls get whatever they want.

                                          VAYRE
             You think I’m pretty? My Mom says my nose is too big.

                                           BO
             She’s jealous. Tell her she can’t talk to you like that.

                                          VAYRE

      I can’t see ME telling her that, but I can see you doing it! And getting away with it!

                                                  BO
              I’d tell her in a heartbeat.

                                           VAYRE

      Here’s an idea: you go with me to Thanksgiving and I’ll go with you to the dean’s office. Deal?

                                                BO
             Deal and done!

                                         VAYRE
             That’s if we ever get out of here. 

                                         BO

      Oh, we’re getting out of here! We’ll get out here if I have to dig a path to the surface!

                                             VAYRE
               My lucky day when I found you!!

                                       BO

      (Unwrapping rope)

                      Let’s start now!


                                           VAYRE
                But what about our friends?  We have to find them!

                                             BO

      Maybe they’re already out of here. Why should we rescue them if they wouldn’t rescue us!

                                                  VAYRE
                We would have seen them!

                                            BO
                 Maybe they don’t want to be interrupted.

                                           VAYRE
                Believe me, my friend wants to be “interrupted”.                     

                                           BO
                 Is your friend a good wrestler?

                                          VAYRE
                 What do you want to know THAT for?

                                          BO

      Because Hedj is not as strong as he looks. I can take him. His only advantage is surprise.

                                               VAYRE

      Rev is a champion kickboxer. She’s never surprised. She always expects THE WORST.

      (She feels his muscles appreciatively)

                                               BO

      Then she’ll be fine. Seriously, it’s time to get out of here. It’s all you can eat taco night.

                                              VAYRE
                 Crispy or soft?

                                        BO
                 Crispy all the way. Those things are like giant Doritos.

                                        VAYRE
                 Let’s agree to disagree. We’re finding our friends.

      (They try to step apart but…)

                                             VAYRE
                 Guess you’ll have to untie me.

                                      BO
                  I might loosen your bonds a little.

                                VAYRE
                  Just a little.

      (Another passionate makeout session)

                                      BO
                 Now my brain’s in a tailspin.

                               VAYRE
                  What’s back that way?

                              BO
                  The world?

                               VAYRE
                   All you can eat tacos.

                               BO
                   Civilization! And back that way?

            VAYRE
                   Cold, dark emptiness.

                                     BO
                   We’ve been wrong before.

                                        VAYRE
                 But if we can’t trust our instincts, what have we got?

                                        BO
                Cold dark you-know-what. Let’s go!

      (Roped together, they wander off.)