Andromeda: The Chained Lady
She won’t complain
Trailing chains like widows weeds
Foci of dissonance
Her suffering draws us to her
Hub of sky.
Somebody owes somebody
Something here, that’s plain.
Wristbound, poor Miss
Bredwell, accomplishment
Depletes her
Energy enrages her
Passion disgusts her
Unfree, a natural born
Victim, a true
Lady.
JOB DESCRIPTION
Do nothing.
Be no one
Scrub the spaces in between
Your life will be measured
In others spare time.
I say those have failed to pass
Who failed to wash
The scuts of infants
Failed to harmonize the
Broken breathing.
Who made garbage of the children’s eyes?
Newborns drip a cream more holy
Than the sacraments. They are born
Little calliopes
Singing whalesong.
Incendiary at one
Stargazer at three.
Who failed to pass?
I pass on eternity and
A taste for taking time
Coaxing twisted trackways
Into light; slow the world by hand
If necessary; slow enough
For the children
To get on.
CAPITOL GHOSTS
Pale Guiteau
slants his disappointed child’s face
downwards; the better to study bloodstains left
by assassins more accomplished than himself
who required benefit of anonymous surgeons
specially qualified for skewering
the muscles of the mighty.
The guard who saw him
claimed also to hear demon cats
and could not be relied upon.
these portents once were matters of
congressional dispute; now
no matter; caught within the marbled lurch
of history, victims
of the uninspired mad;
those who pursue the corpse from whom
the ghost escaped. He haunts our history
like the villainous barber who sings as he slits
both throats and wombs, a pure tune
some say, picked clean of tragedy
which only the dying hear.
THE WITNESS
You say you love me for myself but
I killed that bitch out of jealousy
Now as sole survivor
I’m the only clue.
She was the confidential client
I left to clean up after.
In the furnace of morning I lie
Between darkness and wolfcall
Charges taunting me like
unborn children:
Ask him to marry you, mommy!
Ask him! Ask him!
This messenger ticks –
Impatient watch –
Anxious to be set going.
Some new clean thing lurks
Along the border of
Imagining.
My
Severing fire of
Intent cuts your leash.
Be off! Don’t
Rely on me; we’ll select
What we want from
Who we are. You hunt
And I’ll imagine.
Only.
Such loyalty outlasts
The stinking viscera
Of self.
Without Angels
The sky would be
Impenetrable
No mimicry to mirror
Us
Celestially
Backless vertebrates
Aswim
Amongst the clouds
Must be invented.
Even lava
Formed faces at first
(We know this)
Pushed out puckers
That spat like mouths.
Birds fly like angels but
It’s difficult
Their eyes separate to
Points of seeing
We cannot drench with self.
And the reptiles!
Such slow uncles
Shave-brush fins and boxer stance
Their beats too slow to follow.
We midwife angels
As in the fairy tale
That children so admire
The coins appear as quickly
As we wish to spend
Rushing us through spheres
Of carousels of
Space
To meet ourselves our
Unspent ghosts
Coming
Back.
God said, “Bring for the creeping things”
It is you who are a creeping thing thinks Lord Julian
Of his pasty priest, with the
Underdone face.
Were he a fish I’d throw him back.
Good thing his knees are flexible as his
Scripture. The priest speaks
Of dominion, something
His lordship understands. It means
Possession without surrendering the
Self. Power begs abuse.
He’s the master, he alone
Understands that here. Necessity’s
The chain that stops the dumb animal
Straying. Lifting eyes to the
Steepled trees he feels the boredom of fall
Fade into the dullness of winter.
The animals would be fat
Were any left – ripe for scissoring but
He ripped too many out.
Life’s start and stop – a blood bath brings
Renewal. These men could stand a wallowing.
They await his pleasure with
Lowered eyes.
His pleasure is not them. He needs
Men glamorous as girls, hopes
As high as fever but none
Are to be found.
Like the animals, they are gone.
Julian’s scarred hands twitch the reins –
Each scar is named, he counts them proudly:
Attempted usurpation
The burning brand, the bear that fought
The dog that turned on him
The boar defending young.
Past pain surmounted
Makes him long for wounds –
A cut so deep he looks into
The creature’s eyes for
Some sweet glimpse of freedom.
Lord Julian, the scorpion-hearted
Scents a smell the dogs can’t follow –
The jingling behind him should be men
The silky shadow should be deer.
His horse afraid – the creature moves
Too smooth – when he dismounts
Avenger plummets off – now
He’s alone in moss and slime.
This thing is stalking him!
He sees it through the trees
Smells hot stink – a tiger!
What ghost is this?
The prickled hairs stood high – he threw
His knife – a sailor’s trick but
Useless. He saw boars
Twelve deep, spirals snorting
Through their tusks. The trees
Morphed into deer and every beast
He’d ever killed surrounded him.
Face forward in the muck
At least the mud was real.
Fox feet pattered, the tiger whisked him
With its ruff – he dreamed a lifetime
Lying there – every friend a slight
And every promise broken.
This dark that stops his ears is surely death.
But when he stands it’s not hell he sees but
Dripping swamp. The mare he kicked and drove
Now leads him home. His blood is dried
But he must cleanse the blood of others.
To be struck he understands, now he must
Know what spared him.
Washerwomen lift their heads
At his approach – they don’t recognize this man.
Hiding faces not from fear but
Some new glory.
Scene 4
(PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5
(The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY
There’s a skeleton
Around here somewhere, officer.
NED
(Skeptically)
That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY
Are you even a detective?
I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED
“Open Unsolved”.
I’m all that there is.
PERSEY
You sound defeated.
On the verge of retirement?
NED
Hell no, lady. Never.
Too many cold cases.
I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY
Sounds like a death wish.
NED
It’s a life wish.
I love my work.
PERSEY
Searching for … skeletons?
NED
Solving puzzles.
Perfecting antennae.
Following undercurrents
Right to their source.
(He kicks the leaves)
Where’d you unearth
This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY
It’s around here someplace.
It was Digger who found it.
(Kneels to talk to DIGGER)
Remember those bones, boy?
Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED
Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY
I know he speaks wolf.
NED
Wolf?
PERSEY
Wolves howl at him and
He howls right back.
NED
No wolves around here.
PERSEY
Coyotes, then.
Coywolves.
Something’s howling.
I’ve seen ‘em.
NED
Feral dogs more likely.
Tame goes wild more often
Than the other way round.
PERSEY
You’re argumentative.
NED
I respect facts
When assembling theory.
Dogs taste the outdoors
And they never go back.
PERSEY
Just like some people.
Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED
Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one.
Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY
So, what special skills
Do puzzle mavens require?
NED
Pattern recognition.
Patterns are everything;
The basis of speech
Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED
What you got there, boy?
(DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED
This what you saw?
PERSEY
Definitely not.
Bones! Digger!
Skeleton!
Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED
You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY
He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED
(Might be bragging – just a bit)
Wouldn’t be the first corpse
Located hereabouts.
PERSEY
No! How many were there?
NED
(With relish)
Multiple body dumps.
Arms, legs,
Torsos.
So many go missing.
PERSEY
Jarod was right!
NED
You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY
You know him?
NED
(Evasive: suddenly circumspect)
Well…he’s a cop.
So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Thin blue line.
NED
Very thin.
PERSEY
Power shields power.
I know all about it.
He’s my husband’s best friend.
Claims to be “expert” but
Usually wrong. He’s
Wrong about everything.
I’m surprised he spoke truth about
Forests of corpses.
NED
You don’t like him.
PERSEY
I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED
He talks police business?
PERSEY
If he thinks he’s impressing!
That he’s smarter than anyone!
He collects slaves —
“Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins”
That’s his motto.
He’s got lots of followers –
Information’s his currency –
Bragging and scaring –
Trying to frighten –
“Don’t walk in the woods!”
He LOVES scaring women.
NED
(Being The Cop)
What did he tell you?
PERSEY
“Boy girls come to bad ends”.
He really hates anyone
Who isn’t his slave.
Roy envies his power –
I ignored him.
Till I found that skeleton.
NED
He’s out of line.
Information comes in
Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY
(Pointedly)
I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED
Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY
Men always say that.
NED
Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY
But investigation’s exciting!
NED
You find my work exciting?
PERSEY
I don’t know about puzzles
But I favor the truth
There’s the real power –
Knowing what happened.
NED
Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY
Who’s alive and who’s dead
Who’s a demon pretending –
Who’s a monster despoiling; only
Mimicking life.
NED
(He gets right to the point)
You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY
I’m not willing to hang around him
Long enough to find out.
NED
Here’s what I know –
We’re all demonic
In our own special way.
PERSEY
Speak for yourself.
NED
If these woods shelter corpses
How come you’re still here?
PERSEY
‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive.
Trees can’t hurt you.
These woods are a temple –
A Most Sacred Place.
Stupid people think they’re nowhere
It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY
Oh Digger!
You frustrating dog!
NED
(Snatches at the silk)
Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY
Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee
Dropped her pants in the woods.
Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED
(Places his find in an evidence bag)
Meow!
Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY
Over Misty.
Under Stormee.
NED
What’s the number of wives
Jarod is up to?
Never mustered more
Than two wives, myself.
I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY
You know what I want!
Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY
Jarod sheds wives seasonally
Like the snake that he is.
NED
So what are you doing when
You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY
Reading and thinking.
I sit on my deck and
Gaze into the trees.
NED
Sounds relaxing.
She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY
Do your missing have names?
NED
Eh?
PERSEY
You said there’s so many.
Don’t these missing
Have names?
NED
Everyone has names.
Monikers, nicknames
Aliases
Given names, borrowed names
Street names –
Disguises; red herrings;
Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY
So many lost women!
NED
Didn’t say they were women.
Bi-curious, tri-curious
Foraging wanderers
Hitchhikers and travelers
Tourists and runaways
Just passing through.
PERSEY
Passing through HERE?
NED
Or somebody brought them.
Along for the ride.
PERSEY
Why does nobody know?
NED
“High risk victims”. It’s a way
Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED
Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY
(Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous)
I knew you could do it!
Smart dog! Who’s a puppy
As clever as beautiful?
Digger is! I’ll say!
NED
Wish I got that much attention
For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY
Probably should.
He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
NED
Oh, a guard dog, too, is he?
(Rubs DIGGER’s belly. DIGGER wallows shamelessly.)
Now we need forensics, a search team of
Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY
(Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs)
REAL sniffer dogs?
That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED
(Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head)
Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY
Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED
Sorry, no.
There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY
Paperwork, ugh!
Nothing doing.
My husband never likes me
Getting involved.
NED
But you are involved, now.
Aren’t you?
PERSEY
Can’t I be secret? A secret informant?
After all, who needs to know?
Maybe Jarod’s the killer!
I’ll tell all about Jarod.
Just keep ME a secret.
NED
Even informants have paperwork.
You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer?
There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY
Do we have a deal?
NED
OK, I’ll bite.
I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY
Sure, you take the credit.
Digger prefers backrubs.
NED
What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY
He brags about killing.
About his “justified kills”
He’s cold and he’s fake
Looks for every advantage.
He likes people’s suffering.
He says he kills people
As part of his job.
NED
I heartily doubt it.
Undercover’s a whole different ethos
But word gets around.
PERSEY
The man lies like he breathes.
NED
Those guys specialize in
Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY
How about you?
NED
I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY
Drinkers and braggers
Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED
I’m interested in all you can tell me.
We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY
Solving puzzles –
Making theories! Sounds
Deliciously different. Now
I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED
I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY
See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
Scene 3 – Persey’s big house
(BABE, (Persey’s mother-in-law) a commanding, magnificent, scary older woman strides into the yard, holding a blanket and calling,)
BABE
Persey! Persey, where are you?
(PERSEY & DIGGER emerge from the forest, both looking dirty, scratched and sheepish)
Oh, my goodness, poor PERSEY! What happened to you!
PERSEY
Er – Hello – Mother.
(Allowing herself to be enclosed in a blanket, she says with bitter irony)
You weren’t expected.
BABE
Please call me Babe –
Everyone does!
Aren’t we family?
Aren’t I spontaneous?
Spontaneity’s a right
Claimed by mothers-in-law.
(Guiltingly)
I can’t be alone today-
It’s BRUCE’s DEATH anniversary!
(Throaty gasps)
PERSEY
I thought that was last month.
BABE
(On the edge of hysteria)
No! No! It’s tonight!
Roy’s too sweet twin brother!
I still see him hanging
Neck so distorted
A hideous specter to torment a mother!
(A scary, elongated shadow projects against the wall.)
PERSEY
I’m so sorry. I guess we forgot.
Today’s Jarod’s birthday.
BABE
Dear Jarod! How is he?
PERSEY
(Pulling thistles out of protesting DIGGER’s fur)
Having the time of his life,
Thanks to you.
BABE
(Majestic and cold)
Jarod deserves our support.
I called with good wishes
Roy said you were on your way home.
That was hours ago!
And your cellphone is HERE!
Where’s the Mercedes, Persey?
Did you wreck the Mercedes?
(Threateningly)
You KNOW you can tell me.
PERSEY
The Mercedes is fine, Babe.
But it’s Midsummer night –
Digger needed a walk,
So, I thought –
BABE
(Full of disgust)
Oh, Persey
You’re the limit!
Don’t TELL me that ill-favored mutt
Dragged you to the woods!
Surely Jarod warned you?
There’s killers abroad!
Your husband forbade you –
The forest is VERMINOUS
And my future grandchildren
Deserve better than THAT!
Have that fleabag put down,
Get a highly-trained guard dog
From an ACCREDITED school!
An attack dog, not some troublemaker
Who waltzes with thorn bushes!
(DIGGER and BABE bare their teeth at each other. She moves to strike, he cowers but lifts his leg when she turns away. PERSEY shields DIGGER)
BABE
We all worry about you
You promised Roy!
Do your promises mean NOTHING?
PERSEY, my girl?
PERSEY
Roy knew I walked home.
We can handle the woods.
Digger protects me
I’d NEVER get rid of my beautiful Digger!
Digger’s my baby!
BABE
(Much distaste)
Roy deserves a REAL baby, Persey,
Time’s growing short.
(She attempts to be confiding)
What is the latest from BabyMakers Inc.?
(She taps a foot – can’t disguise her impatience)
PERSEY
(Steps past BABE evasively)
These things take forever.
They’re testing and testing –
You know how it goes.
Roy hates to be tested.
It’s a free world, I say.
All the best things happen
In their own little time.
BABE
I bought you this house
This magnificent house
On the clear understanding –
That soon we’d be FOUR.
Where’s my grandchild?
Oh Persey –I’ve had so many losses.
(PERSEY steps into the house – BABE attempts to shoo DIGGER away)
PERSEY
Oh, let him come in, Babe.
He thinks it’s his home and
It’s so cold outside.
(DIGGER shivers exaggeratedly.)
BABE
But he’s so dirty!
PERSEY
I’ll give him a bath.
(Lighted hot tub bubbles up at her feet. PERSEY touches BABE’s arm)
Please be patient. I’m certain
Happy times are ahead.
(Hastily disrobing PERSEY steps into smoking hot tub with a sigh of relief. DIGGER jumps in with an ecstatic splash and paddles rapturously around)
BABE
(Averting her eyes & gagging, shaking off droplets)
You’ll NEVER get clean with
That thing in there!
PERSEY
(Calmly)
Why not mix up some drinks?
(She soaps DIGGER’s head. He splashes her playfully)
BABE
(BABE is conflicted. Feels ordered around in PERSEY’s house but she loves booze, so unwillingly turns her back to accommodate)
If only I’d known you were indulging some mutt
I don’t know that I’d have purchased this house.
PERSEY
Roy loves this house, Babe.
We’re both very grateful.
BABE
(Bringing drinks for the pair of them, she settles down in a chair beside the tub)
Roy’s a good boy…eventually.
But you have to keep after him
Monitoring, reminding.
PERSEY
We’ve been so happy here.
Cheers!
BABE
Chin-chin.
(They drink. Potent stuff and PERSEY reacts.)
PERSEY
Wow, BABE, you concoct
A powerful drink.
BABE
(Mollified – drinks with pinky extended)
Strong medicine’s required
For life’s brutal reverses.
(She drains her glass. PERSEY surreptitiously adds water to hers. DIGGER jumps out of the tub and shakes all over BABE who springs to her feet)
BABE
Oh, that dog!
Just look what he’s done!
PERSEY
So sorry, BABE.
Will you hand me those towels?
BABE
(Very grumpy)
If you need this much help, Persey,
You require a maid.
PERSEY
Roy prefers privacy
We’re not fond of strangers.
(BABE hands over towels. PERSEY steps out of the tub and into a towel but not fast enough)
BABE
Persey, you’re so thin.
One must feed babies SOMETHING!
PERSEY
Babe, you worry too much!
Stress is so bad for everyone.
Aren’t we just enjoying
A quiet evening at home?
BABE
I can’t help my conviction
We’ve run out of time.
I keep warning and warning and
Nobody listens.
(WOLVES howl)
Nobody cares about
Poor Abused Me
Giver of Life and Signer of Deeds;
Creator of Wealth and
Addresser of Needs
Nobody cares about Me!
PERSEY
We’re so grateful
For all that you’ve done.
What’s the rush?
We’ve got nothing BUT time.
Let’s go sit by the fire.
(She presses a button and fire springs to life. There’s a dog bed in front of it where DIGGER settles in – after stretching, pacing, rolling)
BABE
Such a wonderful house!
All the amenities!
(addresses audience)
My gifts are so wonderful
My taste so exquisite –
Lucky I’m rich and know
Just what to serve!
Too bad I’m never
Loved or deserved!
My love is perfect
My example superb.
But I won’t live forever, Persey.
PERSEY
Your gifts are appreciated.
Thank you, Babe.
(BABE gives her a robe and a cellphone)
BABE
Three calls missed from Roy.
PERSEY
He’s checking on me.
BABE
Because he loves you
Just as I do.
(PERSEY dons the robe. BABE has a pile of towels for herself with which she makes a show of covering her chair, blotting her dress, feet, shaking her head, etc.)
PERSEY
(On phone)
Sure hon; got back safe.
(Holds phone away from protesting, squawking, threatening noises)
I can hardly hear you.
That’s quite a party you’re having.
(Loud music & squawking)
Babe’s here, with
Our own celebration.
BABE
(Shouts at phone)
Remembrance! For Bruce!
Poor, dead Bruce!
PERSEY
Of course we won’t wait up
You should really stay over –
(BABE snatches for the phone, PERSEY evades)
BABE
Let me talk to him.
PERSEY
(Waving her away – admonitory finger- bravely lying)
It was just a short walk,
Under a glorious moon.
(DIGGER covers his ears and trembles in memory. Rolling her eyes at ROY’s protests; holds the phone away from her giving BABE chance to snatch phone)
BABE
Sweetheart, we must go
To the cemetery and visit dear Bruce.
(Horrible noises from phone)
Renew all the vows
Made to dear, dear, lost Bruce.
(Significantly – threatening)
Don’t you remember?
(Raving noises from phone; then silence. BABE tosses it to PERSEY)
BABE
He hung up on me!
Can you believe it?
That man needs a leash!
Or obedience school.
PERSEY
It’s a PARTY, Babe.
They’re all off the leash.
BABE
If you’d given me that phone
When I asked for it Persey –
PERSEY
He can’t feel about Bruce
As you do, Babe, because
Bruce made him suffer.
You must understand.
BABE
(Getting more and more upset – she launches to her feet and paces)
Roy deserved it!
Sweet Bruce was my honey-child,
So biddable, good!
PERSEY
That’s not the story I hear.
BABE
(As if she’d not spoken)
He’d do anything for his mother –
(Starts to sob)
PERSEY
Bruce tortured Roy, Babe.
I’ve seen the scars.
With my own eyes.
BABE
Roy teased him!
You’re insulting the dead, Persey!
Now I need a drink!
(BABE staggers toward bar, WOLVES gather around house, DIGGER alerts)
PERSEY
I think we need music!
(Persey switches on radio)
RADIO
(Impossibly proper BBC voice)
Four missing girls …(squawk)
Body Dump Case (squawk squawk)
While in other Serial Killer News-
A Beautiful Blonde –
(PERSEY cuts radio off as BABE extends a drink – even darker than the last. BABE’s drinks would make a mule cross-eyed. PERSEY dumps half out but BABE is too worked up about her own problems to notice.)
BABE
Roy doesn’t care!
PERSEY
Boys will be boys.
BABE
Tonight of all nights!
PERSEY
It’s the living who count.
BABE
I hope I’m not grudging
But Life’s so unfair!
PERSEY
Babe, the past is the past!
BABE
(Determined to quarrel)
Are you saying Roy didn’t love
His only blood brother?
PERSEY
Bruce was a bully!
Since he lived with his father
I never met him but
Roy tells me –
BABE
Bruce killed himself, Persey!
I found the body!
Do bullies self-sacrifice?
Such deaths DESTROY mothers!
PERSEY
Suicide’s impulsive–
BABE
You know nothing about it!
PERSEY
I’m sorry.
BABE
A mother has feelings –
PERSEY
I know just what I’m told.
BABE
Roy owes me allegiance!
I gave him everything!
PERSEY
It was so long ago!
(WOLVES howl)
BABE
It’s neglect I can’t handle!
PERSEY
Roy’s home tomorrow –then we can –
BABE
Disrespect!
PERSEY
(Desperately)
We love and admire you, Babe.
BABE
Should a mother have to visit
Her child’s grave
ALL ALONE?
(WOLVES howl frenziedly. DIGGER scratches to go out.)
BABE
Don’t let that dog out!
He’ll get dirty again!
PERSEY
(Lets DIGGER out to dance with the wolves)
We’ll visit the grave with you!
I promise we will.
BABE
We all make mistakes.
I deserve second chances.
PERSEY
(Can’t quite follow this)
Meaning…?
BABE
I demand forgiveness!
PERSEY
I don’t understand.
BABE
I didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY
No one killed Bruce, Babe.
According to you.
BABE
But Roy MIGHT have done it.
That night they were fighting –
At each other’s throats!
PERSEY
(Looks at her empty glass like – there’s not enough alcohol in the world for this. Wearing the hopeless expression of someone arguing with a crazy person)
I’m sure Roy didn’t hang Bruce.
BABE
You weren’t there!
PERSEY
Bruce was the strong one.
As you’re always saying.
BABE
(Exalted)
Bruce was born first.
He pushed Roy aside!
He pushed ME aside!
He strong-armed the doctor!
(Sighing with pleasure)
Roy was the weak one,
Roy was the gentle one.
Tender and thoughtful.
Mama’s last angel.
Bruce made such fun of him.
Wicked, vicious fun.
(She sounds gleeful about it. PERSEY fills BABE’s glass – might as well make a night of it)
I can’t be alone on this terrible night.
Here’s to crime. Bottoms up.
(Sits up abruptly)
Why, I brought you a present!
PERSEY
(Trepidation)
You did?
BABE
Sharing’s my motto.
I can’t look at it any longer. So
I thought Roy might – treasure it.
(She touches a light switch and the portrait above the fireplace is illuminated. It depicts in overwrought oils a glamorous woman with a blond boy hanging off each arm. PERSEY almost jumps out of her skin)
PERSEY
Oh, my God!
(She covers her face as if to hide from the portrait)
Babe – I’m afraid – I don’t think –
BABE
It’s a great work of art.
At least admit that.
PERSEY
Babe, don’t you remember
The Chinese vase you once gave us?
BABE
Roy had an accident, Persey.
And it was only a copy!
I don’t understand your compulsion
To make Roy the bad guy.
After all,
He’s indulged you like a princess.
PERSEY
(Trying to be gentle)
He might not like the portrait, Babe.
I’m only saying.
BABE
But it’s my only picture of Bruce!
(Starting to cry)
It’s all I have left!
He couldn’t be cruel to the one who gave everything!
(Poor PERSEY rolls her eyes. The WOLVES and DIGGER howl at each other)
BABE
Oh, my God, what is that!
PERSEY
Coyotes are unsettling.
BABE
Those are WOLVES, Persey.
Not some harmless creatures!
People say the spirits of the murdered
Howl at night in the woods,
Thirsting for justice.
PERSEY
Justice?
BABE
Or maybe revenge.
There’s no justice in this world or
My boy would have lived!
(DIGGER & The WOLVES square off suspiciously)
PERSEY
(Nervously)
That’s superstition!
BABE
You’re too isolated here.
This is all a mistake.
Why do my gifts go so bad?
PERSEY
We need country, Babe.
Roy loves to hunt.
(Stands up to listen; mustering up her courage)
It’s music really.
Those noises don’t scare me.
Coyotes protect us.
Cleaning the forest
Eating vermin and carrion.
(Puts her hand to the light switch)
Ready for bed?
BABE
(Collapsing sadly. The party’s over and she never has as much fun as she wanted)
I suppose so. Now I know I’ll have nightmares.
Diary of a Dancer – Last Post
Party Castle – Mon 9 July 79 – 7:50 PM
26 hours without T. Spoke to him last night and
again this afternoon. His acceptance of me is total, but it comes from
a position of strength and I have fears of being annihilated. Last night
I experienced hallucinatory states – drove home the wrong way – felt
something was happening to the car – re-experienced my swallowing
problem. Resolved my panic by starting a poem.
Sat night Toss and I read the diary passages where
we lose our “divinity” (his word) together. He cried and told me what he’d
felt like from his “side”, wanting to be male & in control, feeling helpless
& immature. Agreed if we had married then we’d be divorced now.
11:05PM Trying to read Oneness & Separateness. Not well suited to me
right now! Much as I want to be a mother the thought of a demanding
infant between me & T truly horrifying. Insane fears of rejection and
abandonment – why on earth should I trust this man? Called T at work!
Complete craziness. He reassured me we will have private alone time
a real vacation in the Berkshires. He said champagne arrived.
Called A & we discussed Mom & Dad – how they rewarded “self-sufficiency”
and responded to neediness coldly. Makes it hard to be honest now but
I hate this weirdly formal relationship with my own parents. Avril says there
is no retraining them.
Sat 14 July 79 – StormFall Farm – 11:15 PM
Oh, my God who would believe it – here I am 11
years later! Told T about my uncle last night as we made sexual
“confessions”. He was completely calm about it so it’s no longer a
Big Secret. He insisted I read his ex-girlfriend’s letters. She was a
Piper Cub to his Concorde, believe me. He kept carbons of his letters
to her!!!! Not very loving – downright fatherly. In a bad way.
T’s actual father and he smoked cigars last night
after dinner leaning against the mantel – they were so beautiful together
I felt stunned. Wrote a poem:
MY HUSBAND SMOKES CIGARS WITH HIS FATHER
BY CANDLELIGHT
Your profiles cut my heart like glass.
Go ahead. I’m a bleeder, I’ll
Still be here when you look back.
Your father is a silver-headed
Walking-stick; his elongation glows with far less heat.
You’re his nemesis; and he’s used to it.
The wooden floors washed cornelian
Perhaps by sunset
Perhaps by jealousy of girls who
Lost you; judged too soon the temper of your eyes
Wrote too many letters or
Not enough; the wrong kind
Addressed to the pale law student with
The cinderblock heart
Traveling commentator with the hundred
Dollar bill rolled inside his shoe,
The long-haired Pinkerton guard.
You learned to suck the cherries
Scarless from the tree; it’s no mean art
Broke a few at first; we all did.
By what right am I the winner?
You chose me in thirty seconds leaving
enough time to smoke another cigar.
Everyone wants us to marry before May. But I feel
I need some time in Kentucky first. Toss told me last night that on paper
he is a millionaire. Here’s luck, because if I keep on keeping on, I’m a pauper!
Tom’s grandmother’s response was “I am not surprised.”
She committed herself to reading my “thriller”.
At dinner he announced I’m the only woman he’s ever
wanted to marry. Tom’s dad said he thought he’d be a bachelor forever.
Privately we affirmed absolute sexual fidelity forever. Will we be able to keep it?
Plush Palace – Wed 18 July 79 – 4:55 PM
Boring day but good tips. Magnificent party at
The Third Edition last night for Avril’s birthday. (I didn’t care for Avril’s latest
“honey” Vigo but was furious at myself – she should date as widely as possible.
Maybe I was affected by T who is a snob and a purist.) Drinks, fruit & cheese –
then dinner at The Old Angler & Frank Langella in Dracula. (Not a good version.)
“Finances” discussion with T. He talked me out of
selling my car. I worry about being dependent on him but he says it will be fine.
Sounds to me like he is living on a knife’s edge – working part time, going to
law school, selling stock when he needs money (which he is loathe to do being
naturally frugal.) Too tired to make love last night but we started up in the
middle of the night – both asleep. Doors keep opening – then there’s
another one.
Castle – 1 PM – Thurs 19 July 79
So happy I can’t take it all in. Feel like someone
recovering from a long illness. Read Cheever’s Goodbye My Brother –
as satisfying as a novel. Last night we made love for hours and hours but
I just couldn’t come – kept holding his face saying, “Is it really you”? Dancing
with Barbara the Kikuyu and blonde Joyce of the day-glo costumes.
3 PM Party Castle – 24 July 79
First real friction last night – very predictably, about
my job. I’m irritated over the assumption that its sordid and brutalizing.
It is totally NOT the same as the dancers in DC!!! LIFE can be sordid and
brutalizing – I like this club because it ISN’T and I’ve tried others. We
discussed HIS job which also has its sordid and corrupting aspects.
Duh. His last girlfriend gave him shit about it (and refused to read the paper!)
so it’s a sore point. He should get it. There was a horrible moment when
he felt foreign and alien – but I expected it – too much intimacy always
causes a backlash. Trying to read Sisters & Strangers. The Victorian
novel is not dead.
Castle – 2 Aug 79 – Wed
Seems hopeless to TRY writing in this book – things
happen so fast – a month is an eternity. Last night celebrated our 11th
“divinity loss” anniversary – and a difficult anniv. It was. T came to see
me dance for the first time – with Avril so it wouldn’t be so bad but had
to leave he was so upset. He didn’t like me smiling! Like I’m ENJOYING
myself! The PLACE didn’t bother him (“reverent & reserved” were his
words) just my pleasure in movement beauty & freedom! Uh oh! He goes
back to my parents’ argument: IT’S TURNING MEN ON. So what? I get
impatient with that – that way lurks the “hajib”.
We have to educate each other. At the end the
atmosphere seemed cleared and we both cried with relief. Even though I
know my love is in the larval stage, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love
him. We had our last dinner at 641 E street – steak and wine, fruit, cream,
brandy. He asked me if there were any boyfriends’ the report of whose marriage “depressed” me (he was referring to my marriage) and I had to say no.
He opened a letter from Mindy, ex-girlfriend he was
thinking of re-starting a relationship with except she went to Nepal. A letter
I would have thought perfectly reasonable two months ago now strikes me as
ridiculous – an ounce of love is worth more than all these pages of barter.
I got a wonderful letter from Devon – he’s found
“another girl” (with three more in reserve I’m betting) and wishes me the best.
But T was upset because he closed with “I love you” a word NOT thrown
around in his world! (Mindy and Cindy don’t say it!) He says it’s the only
part of the letter he believes – “the guy is a total phony.” I said his only victim
is himself. We then made love on the floor on top of all our exes’ letters.
Gloriously. Got a poem out of it.
The Bridesmaid
Yes, I know everything
You’re my poor
Relation.
I know of your daddy’s desk where you
Fucked with formaldehyde fingers
I know of your lonely
Rosary of abortions
I repeat, I know everything.
We made love on your letters undisturbed
As two icons.
She’s imperfect
He told me.
Unseated by mortality
We must take our place
With the king’s crazy mistresses;
Brewing menstrual blood coffee
And mandrake root tea.
Swim away, little bridesmaid,
You’re too young
I’m in love
We’ve got
Too much in common ever to meet.
Need to see dentist & gyno, overhaul bike,
pay bills. T. meets Ralph Nader at 6. Lucky me snagging someone so
ambitious and competent.
Castle Mon 6 Aug 79
God I need Maine. I love T but I need to get away
from him. I am used to being alone 4-5 hours a day. Starving for that.
Wonder how many otherwise perfect relationships break up for this reason!
T. is a little TOO driven. A little TOO single-minded. Makes me argue with him
– I can’t help it. For example: he talked about the “ugliness of the desert
landscape.” It’s not my “thing” either – because I grew up somewhere else
– but O’Keeffe taught me to see the beauty of it. What he REALLY meant was
“I don’t like it” but he raises it to a religious principle “New England is better.” That’s embarrassing.
I constantly feel he’s trying to “re-educate” me
– for example he didn’t like my turquoise silk pants because he “doesn’t like colors
that don’t appear in nature.” When shown an aquarium of tropical fish he doesn’t “count” them, their colors are “cultivated” and somehow “wrong.” The truth is bright colors make him nervous. So say THAT.
Sat night we went to an office party of his people (to
which I wore the aforementioned pants) and praised the house over-
extravagantly. (He does NOT like my yellow velvet furniture. I’m giving it
to Maureen.) “One good picture” per wall, beige Danish oldern furniture –
unbelievably boring and sterile. A chipped china frog would have done
the place a world of good. Could warn of decorating problems ahead.
His younger brother Dominic in town – when I
complimented his Mazda sports car and said I’d love to have one someday
Toss said “we’ll see” as if I could never buy one for myself! These
flare-ups are important signs. Must work on my self-value.
8 Aug 79
Packing for Maine came across D’s letters. Not a
“good” one among them. “Phoniness” is NOT his problem – that’s not
the right word – he’s not even “tone deaf” which was Bruce’s disorder.
I think it’s a “temperature” thing – he WANTS all passion sexualized
(not that he would ever admit it) and doesn’t trust intimacy, closeness –
as if he doesn’t believe – doesn’t want to believe it exists. He fears never
freeing himself from the physical so he cultivates a lonely “spirituality” but
he’s mired HIMSELF in it. So that’s pathetic. I take responsibility – he
probably felt hounded by my love. Thank God I escaped is all I can say. I’m
betting he was geared up to torture me for a lifetime.
I let T read my short story about his mother. That was
probably a mistake. (In it he’s planning her death!) He made some idiotic
writing class comments – I said it wasn’t THAT far along – but there’s
something appealingly mythic about this undigested mass. Worry about
it in ten years!
Shadowe Island ME – Mon 7:30 AM 12 Aug 79
Toss just left on the ferry so I can relax. Wish this
diary ended here – I need a New Life. But Not Yet. Rainy with a gray sea. Dogs stretched out snoring on the Greek carpet.
This visit has been everything I wanted, but the first
night was classic in its ghastliness. Guests showed up at cocktails and stayed
through dinner – unexpectedly – this mob scene making our announcement
a bit tougher.
Toss whispered, “Want to go through with it?”
I said, “Sure.”
We opened the champagne. The guests loved it
– Mom & Dad really surprised. Dad started talking about his difficult
father-in-law and how things would be different but flat out calling me a
liar when I chimed in about how Wilbur returned his prison mail (he told
me this story HIMSELF last Christmas!) I kept my temper – oh I must have
got it wrong. (I didn’t. We’d discussed it later ad nauseam.) Avril attacked
me later for bringing it up and “embarrassing” Dad – but he’d been TALKING
ABOUT HIS DIFFICULT FATHER IN LAW. Toss was surprised at Avril’s hostility
– used to her as an ally. He said, “They obviously think you’re invulnerable.”
Probably. If so they’re all idiots! I thought A was upset
about her own out-of-his-depth boyfriend, Vigo.
Anyway T rescued the evening bringing tears to Mom’s
eyes by talking about how he’d always loved me. M & D apologized &
congratulated us.
Sunday the four of us toured the island – trying to
get along with Vigo. (A says he has just one testicle as if that’s all that’s
wrong with him.) At dinner watched slides of my growing up – T tremendously
moved – then lobster dinner.
Tues 13 Aug 79 – 5 PM
T called last night on his WATS line and we talked ½
an hour. Says he used to play an “airport game” of “Looking for his future
wife” but thought “I AM married!” Wow!
Sun. 19 Aug 79
T’s letter came! Glorious. I do not feel worthy.
Tension between A & V – he teases her too much – we all try to ignore it –
tough to figure out how to call him on it without opening up hostilities. Hope
she dumps him. T on phone!
Ex-island boyfriend visits. A says he acts like he wants to knock me to
the floor and French kiss me to death. Seems accurate. Glad T missed him.
Party Castle – 11 PM 22 Aug 79
Glad to go to Maine and thrilled to leave it. Mary &
Debby dancing. Today’s been eventful – T got my letters and was
enormously moved. He says the worst mistake he ever made was burning
my teenage letters. We should try to exist without this phoning but can’t
help ourselves. Diet going well: I feel good. Struggling with a pile of thank
you letters.
Castle – 7 PM Fri 25 Aug 79
T. and I separated 11 days already – feels like
eternity. Avril announces she wants her own apt so I should put house
on the market. Maybe its easier. Flooding small publishers with Blood
Memory – feel pessimistic however. 3 poems accepted – 2 by Colorado
Woman, 1 by Friends Journal. Doesn’t feel as good as I’d hoped.
Struggling with new novel where I try to tell the truth about Devon. But
why should anyone want THAT God knows. Moving costs $400. I still think
I should sell my Fiat. Rotten crowd. Bored and jerking like a marionette.
Dancing with crazy Robin and Anne who never stops talking. She says
June’s in the hospital in a full body cast – will never dance again. 2 more
sets – praise God.
Trying to read about Lewis Carroll. A says Zach
threatening to show up. Don’t show up, Zach. I have a headache.
2:30 AM Sun 27 Aug 79 –
There is a God. Zach didn’t show. Long phone call
w/T then walk dogs to think about it. He is such a powerful person
it’s a little disturbing. Said he read my poem (The Duel) to his most
erudite friend who was very impressed. We wound up in another
argument about my dancing. I can’t bear his slurs so I referred to his
past drug use – WE’VE BOTH EXPERIMENTED, ALL RIGHT? He
wants me to live without money then complains about selling stock. I told
him it’s a “schizophrenic bind.” Didn’t mention how I have to PRY my stock
(that’s in my name) out of Mom and Dad.
Reading an idiotic romance – its very idiocy is refreshing.
I see why people get addicted to these. Like looking at maps when you’re lost.
Ok they’re only two dimensional but its SOMETHING!
Party Castle Tues 28 Aug 79
Last night dancing. Celebrate with chocolates but I’m too
enervated to appreciate it. Finished I’m Radcliffe, Fly Me. Ultimately a failure.
Fails to explore the inherent corruption of institutional structures. Horrible
night. $5 in tips – they are sick of the sight of me and I refuse to buy new
costumes. I am scared to death of being dependent on T. I think he could
reassure me but doesn’t know how because if I really needed him would I
be so desirable? Is a puzzlement.
I feel like I’m unfastening my suckers from Avril and grabbing
onto T! Up here without a net! Then I get mad at myself for being so infantile.
Can I just write and feel powerful? We’ll see! Doubts creeping in! This time
next week I’ll be in Kentucky! Well, I’ve written some good poems lately.
Self-confidence atrocity attack. Feel & look rotten. Realizing
the extent to which I was fertile soil for my parents’ anxieties.
3:30 Thurs 30 Aug 79
Everything done, ready to leave. I’m in shock. Crawled
into the bath with a vodka tonic and now I’m feeling better. Trying to figure
out how to approach parents for money. Maybe they could give me my own
stock as engagement present? Feel I won’t be able to disguise my rage.
This “I’m All Right Jack” no matter WHAT – is mighty convenient for them.
I realize its any sense of helplessness that triggers all this
rage NOT a good sign for T’s and my relationship. He can’t “make” me
independent! I must not succumb, or Plath-ize. (She sacrificed herself
to the gods of rage.) I’m doing this guy no favors handing him a woman
on the edge of breakdown.
4:25PM – My darling just called! Relief! He borrowed a truck from
somebody so although we’ll have to drive separately we won’t have
movers or returns to cope with. He’s driving it out here so I can sleep as
late as I like which I really need. Impossibly intense happiness. Peace & joy. Feel we have been standing in a dinghy trying to balance. Equilibrium is everything. The irrevocableness of marriage. My children mutely regard my choice. The hopelessness of explaining myself to any of T’s friends. Rain. Any excuse not to take a walk (T lives in bad neighborhood.) Feel like a girl in a gothic novel except for the constant sex which makes it a different kind of novel. Break with the past.
Reading Robert Ludlum’s perfectly ludicrous Matarese Circle. In 100 yrs people will wonder how we stomached this stuff. A. and I going to Olney theatre to see The Bat tonight.
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