When searching for your soulmate this is no time to “blend with the crowd.” You need to discover exactly who you are so you can seek your complementary and missing elements. If you are uncertain or mistaken about your essential self, you won’t even recognize The One. You will be guaranteed to choose a partner based on false considerations of status or appearance. This requires you stop hiding your true self and allow it to emerge. Easier said than done! Turns out we all have been babying the shyly unique aspects of ourselves that don’t win instant recognition from the crowd. Well, we are going to have to experiment with taking Baby out for daily strolls and develop a bit of muscle. Don’t worry if the “likes” fall away – you are not trying to appeal to everyone. The creativity card means you will need to become imaginative in how you present yourself. You want someone accepting? Be accepting. You want someone brave? Be brave. You want someone who looks deeper? Look deeper.
Fire In the Dust
In photographs The ladies scream or laugh It’s hard to tell Heads back they bare their Grief or joy or Agonized relief It’s hard to tell. All that remains of them Tattered icons growing ever dim.
The fountains of our fear Leap high at first, like dancers Frozen at first burst Of freedom Paralyzed abreast The arc We cannot see What tortuous sign these fossils Meant to be.
In that first winter We thought the earth was dead Statues mated Trees erupted dragonflies The angry lonely Sang and cried. Somewhere some fetus twists and jerks Convergence of dynastic quirks
So drop the toxic cloak of bitter spite that Melts the flesh and terrorizes night – Waiting out a cycle’s sum Spinning down to kingdom come. For nothing vain, came nothing plain This world was born To live again.
As soon as we begin refining our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside.
Cloverleaf
Some roads lead nowhere; They’re my favorites. I held my breath while You drew my face in Blinding strokes Creamed my mouth with curling lines Destroyed one picture; then another Never let me see. You Left at dawn while I Ran in circles, calling Raging, spending blackened Nights without you, No blue thigh to guard My trusting heart while yours looks out To gauge the coming storm. Trapped in cloverleaves, Sentenced to school by Streams of angry judges – Balked by The enervating past Of unlived lives Every face I paint is yours. Open up the chilly ruffles Of my breasts One more time – To beauty; yours and mine Electrify your Eldritch spine – Your body so much lighter Than the mountain that you loved Better than you loved me – The course you learned Better than you learned me – so Overconfident that you’ll come back I float across the powdered snow In bird-winged silence All-enveloping Unless I’m Lost?
MELT into the space your desire creates: “You Got This”
You’ve realize the immensity of your need and the enormity of the challenge. You’ve looked into your capacities and they just don’t seem to match your expectations. Now you’re scared and feeling hopeless. I’m here to remind you to “relax.” Melt into the space your desire has created. Untense those muscles because fear and hysteria, rage and feelings of worthlessness all work against us.
Realize somewhere out there your Soulmate is feeling all these things also. This is a process you need to go through, in order to recognize the vastness of the challenge ahead. This is your time in the desert, where you will be tested. This guarantees that when your and your Beloved melt together your success will be all the sweeter. Of necessity to valuing the Other is the realization that, although there may be plenty of fish in the sea, you need a very particular fish.
HAUNTED WEDDING The pregnant car disgorges Only us. It’s winter. Drunk as silver fish We beat our gills as light As hummingbirds. In an amethyst ring Of drypoint trees The half-built house Gapes and swells Its timbers stink of sap. Windrill fields occlude Our crossing, so you carry me High above the thorny osiers. We sleep aloft for safety Locked and levitating In this space of air One season only, Unseen by angry outriders; Bloodless in our wedding robes Like the doubled membranes Of the frozen flowers.
We are filled with the excitement and power of acquisition and multiplicity. We will finally have a helper, an interpreter, an enabler, a sharer. A Second Self with its rich promise of Difference – different memories, body type, fantasies, wishes, dreams – we can indulge ourselves in. We can’t wait to get going and find this person who promises us wings and immortality! The potential sexual ecstasy alone is keeping us up nights. Imagine thoroughly exploring another and being thoroughly explored yourself – with a lifetime to do it in. We can’t yet speak the language of butterflies, but we can imagine it. We are giving ourselves wings. With such commitment, every moment becomes a lifetime. We think we may have discovered the secret of eternal youth, to see and be seen through the eyes of love.
Angel Clothes
You are like a ripe peach Swollen in the summer of your life And as the peach surrounds its stone Your skeleton enwombs your soul But thinly. I often see it shining Through the hollows in your cheeks. I need your body Need to know its shadows Sound its pleasures But as the stone Though small at first Must grow; feeds off the dying peach So your spirit will transhume your flesh Disgorge it in A thousand peaches a thousand summers a Thousand eternities more beautiful than You or I
Parents can watch this need for The Reciprocal Other awaken. At about the age of two the infant, who has belonged to the parents and who has felt like part of them, begins to show a lot of interest in the outside world. But when she sees a pint-sized someone exactly like herself, a certain sparkle comes into her eyes. She wants to clutch, bond with, play with that person. Hang on, because now the thrill-ride is beginning, the search Plato described as our search for our Missing Half. Mating behavior is an even more powerful driver in biology than feeding needs. Mating drives species to extravagant displays of seemingly dangerous behaviors, obsessive building, fighting and positioning. Species who mate for life put themselves through complex effort to secure The One. So this is biology, folks. You are in the grips of an instinctual drive it is pointless to resist. Hang on, and let’s make sure your brain becomes engaged.
Sex cadets
I shall orchestrate your life I say Make your blood sing woodwind Stretch my nerve harp-tight Across your exo-shell While you, heart racer Put me through my paces Pushing your muscle through The gates of my life Pushing past theories of the pluperfect poetical pushing like a downhill artist the speed racer you claim to be Speed devil Speed demon Speed dreamer.
Assess your potential to connect. We wake alone, but we are on the path of Attachment. Ask yourself; do you seek balanced, indestructible attachment, synchronous, not disharmonic relationship; a connection that is symbiotic, not exploitative. If the answer is Yes, you are on the path of Paradise.
How can we achieve these goals? First, we must understand and accept our Self, our Ego, with all its quirks and flaws, needs and yearnings, limits and possibilities. Then we must understand the Other; the Lover. We must attune ourselves to the structure of their yearning to begin to construct our duet, our dance. After that we must negotiate the rapids of relationship with each other and with the outside world. Danger! Excitement! Ecstasy! Despair…Compassion. Union.
We are caterpillars, you and I, attempting to learn the language of butterflies. We are unprepossessing creatures, daily absorbed in infantile needs of eating and excreting, but we have a firm promise of a future in which we stretch our gorgeous wings.
Love – Love is the spirit that animates the empty spaces between humans. Once charged, these spaces become a powerful force for growth and change – uncharged they are so much dead air. Love is the longing to be truly alive and to share life with the Blissed, Blessed Others.
Yearning Defines Us – Once we knew the meaning of life but it seems we have forgotten. But oh, how we long to be reminded, to re-experience the borderlessness between creatures that makes the dead universe come alive.
Challenge – We can’t go back, we can only go forward. We must practice uncertain techniques we can’t recall in a threateningly uncertain world. We truly are standing up and running across the ocean, just as in my dream, but this time, we have the confidence of memory. Someone loved us once, now we can re-create and perpetuate that magic. In your Dream Journal, list all the aspects of love that you can remember. How many can you yourself practice?
Danger – Danger lies in narrowing definitions. Love must ever open outwards. As soon as we turn Love into a zero sum game with a shut-off valve the moment we feel gratified, Love is killed.
Opportunity – Close your eyes and assume yoga’s starfish pose. We are open to what the universe longs to teach and once we commit to pass it on, we form an unbreakable chain, free at last from the bonds of selfishness. Clasp the hand (or paw) that generously, trustingly takes hold of yours.
Models & Mentors –“‘to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” – David Viscott
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only what you are expecting to give, which is everything” – Katherine Hepburn
“Love gives you a piece of your soul you never knew was missing”
– Torquato Tasso
“Love is the gift of oneself” – Jean Anouilh
“I love you for who I am when I’m with you” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Mantra – “I embrace”
Meditation –
#Haiku: Honesty
Stop delusion No one’s fooled. Acknowledge Truth – Radiate Love: Know Peace.
Soulmates – Do you dream of a lost twin? Do you look in the mirror and see someone else? Do you ever view another across a crowded room, touch their hand, and feel a strange galvanic charge? Do you think soulmates are possible? Is there only one or are soulmates developed? Are you disenchanted with sex? Do you have sex dreams that are more like night terrors? Does sex make you feel increasingly worthless and untouchable?
Soulmates Are Real And You Have One – It’s never too late. You are never so “lost” you can’t find your soulmate. The problem is, your soulmate feels just the way you do and you are frightened by that. You want your soulmate to rescue you, but you have to rescue each other. This takes a lot of bravery, a lot of humility, much insight and a little magic.
Challenge – There are plenty of frogs out there and some vipers, and we have kissed each. Possibly more than once. It’s also possible that we have “rewired” our system – through porn, games, and casual sex – so that it actually prevents us from finding a soulmate and forging a life bond. This is why starting as friends is so critical. It gets your defenses down to the point where yo can talk about fears, desires and problematic reactions. You can go slowly, make mistakes and be prepared to learn.
Danger – Sometimes – let’s face it – most times, you and your soulmate are “sick.” You have “caught” an infection from a society that says “fuck you” to eternal, mystical, mutual sexual union. That makes things hard. You don’t get “well” overnight. You need to practice good mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual hygiene and you both have to figure out what that is. You both need to make the map of mutuality – in each other’s minds and bodies – for yourself. If the other person refuses to get “well” you must get away from them. The most important part of soulmating is this mutual pledge for health and growth – for both of you.
Opportunity – My book, I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead – is about the supernatural powers of soulmates. It’s about what to do when you dislike your soulmate at first. It’s about what to do when you and your soulmate both have horrific pasts and are pursued by actual demons. I can’t say it clearer than that. Don’t be frightened. Your bond is eternal, across time, geography and multiverses. Take it slow. You have all the time in the world.
Models & Mentors – “A soulmate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life and then introduce you to your spiritual master” – Elizabeth Gilbert
“A soulmate is the one person whose love is powerful enough to motivate you to meet your soul to do the emotional work of self-discovery and awakening” – Kenny Loggins
“They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. They were crazy about each other” – Nicholas Sparks
“I know what love is, because of you.” – Herman Hesse
Mantra – “I am yours as you are mine”
Meditation –
#Haiku: I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead
Only soulmates can Slay each other’s dragons Says Tibetan Master
Ambisextrous – Do you dream of being the “opposite” sex? IS there an opposite sex? Are these threatening dreams or pleasurable ones? Do you dream of the fetish trophies of gender; makeup, wigs, shoes, sports equipment? Do you have frequent “freedom” dreams: flying, swimming? Wake up damp, pulses pounding? Sometimes we want to be our own romantic partner, the subject of a lifelong pursuit. This is nothing but the honorable, deep desire to truly know oneself, to master our selfhood before we leave the planet. C.S. Lewis says we are not a body with a soul, we are a Soul with a body.
Remember – In the Dream, you are everyone. In dreams we confront ourselves, we challenge ourselves, we evolve ourselves. Write in your Dream Journal what it would be like to be your own opposite, your own Desire.
Challenge – Woody Allen says bisexuality doubles your chances to get a date on Saturday night. Anything wrong with that? Nobody should force themselves to perform sexually; it is important at all times to move as slowly as you feel comfortable with. The sexual revolution was a lot of fun, but it was spoiled for many people by a witless prejudice against “hang-ups.” Revulsion and doubt tell us plenty. We are on this earth to hone our “gut” instinct as well as our sensitivities. Gavin de Becker, danger specialist, reminds us that fear is a “gift.” Honor it.
Danger – Most “bad sex” stories when one sex disappoints or violates the other, start with substance abuse, undertaken with a nervous desire to get into a more relaxed or even transcendental state. All it actually does is skip over the “informed consent” part that is such an important feature of identity and will. Predators with a need for speed drug their prey! Afterwards the complex feelings of violation an shame take a life time to deal with. These facts mean we need to study trust before we study sex. What is trust? Safety? Honor? Let’s work on those issues while we develop a free space to evolve, experiment and grow.
Opportunity – Fresh interpretations of gender make this a glorious time to be alive. I can recall when gender was a prison sentence! Now it is an invitation to live more fully, to experience oneself and others more richly, to participate in that fruitful life of which we all dream.
Mantra – “I become”
Models & Mentors – “The great gift of human beings is we all have empathy. We can sense a mysterious connection to each other” – Meryl Streep
“Leadership is about empathy. It is about relating to people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives” – Oprah Winfrey
“The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter I which heart speaks to heart” – Pope Francis
“I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization” – Roger Ebert
“Empathy has no script…there is no right way or wrong way…there is only listening, emotionally connecting, communicating the incredibly healing message ‘You’re not alone” – Brene Brown
Meditation –
#Haiku – Ambisextrous
Ambisexuality: Joyously roused; By beauty Everywhere
The Firefly – False Love – Do you dream of masked balls? Betrayals? Loved and known faces turning demonic? People becoming animals? Mazes and puzzles that melt and change?
Learn to understand these terms: Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Covert and Overt; Love Bombing, Traumatic Bonding, Gaslighting, Projections, DARVO, Emotional Abuse and Emotional Empathy. Write these down in your Dream Journal. They are important.
You Will Be Offered False Love at some point in your life (for some people, it’s at birth.) Something in you will recognize this, but your conscious self desperately resists this knowledge. Dreams, however, are The Great Revealer. Narcissists Lack Empathy. They may be sadistic as a result of their own trauma bonding experiences, but that makes them no less dangerous. They long to kill your innocence and joy to compensate for their lack of these treasured emotions.
The Firefly is not the only creature using illusion for the purposes of seduction. Seduction is Love-Bombing. They hop to addict you so that you will stay throughout the coming Bad Times, arguing, bargaining, placating and Trying to Figure Out What Went Wrong. This is emotional abuse.
False Lovers lives in a shifting Potemkin Village of mirrors. This is gaslighting. Narcissists are uninterested in the truth, they are only interested in manipulation; what they can make you do. The main thing they hope to achieve is shifting responsibility for their hopes and needs entirely onto you.
They, on the other hand, are not responsible for any damage done to you (and if they have their Way, much will be.) This is entirely “your own fault.”
Projection is the narcissistic claim that others are seeking to destroy them. Guess who’s REALLY seeking to destroy whom? Projection enables DARVO.
DARVO – Deny: Lies and fabrications follow any confronting. Attack: They claim it’s you who is at fault. Brings up something from the past as well to try and show you evidence that you are to blame for their abuse towards you. Reverse Victim and Offender: Says that they have been victimized by you, YOU are the abuser, YOU are the narcissist.
Challenge – Don’t feel sorry for yourself. God put us on this earth to harden Love Warriors for Heaven. You need to know what evil lurks in human hearts, how to recognize, confront and destroy. Just as the deceptive catfish forces the lazy cod to keep moving (and improving!) when they would rather lie sluggishly on the bottom, the False Lover improves our game.
We realize we are part of a very complex universe where wings disguise themselves as eyes and flowers are chameleons. Stay alert. Realize you are energy. Realize others wish to capture your energy and use it for their own fuel. Get smart.
Danger – Don’t become a False Lover yourself. Their options are far too restricted. Humans are more than energy. Real Empathy allow us to live multiple lives – to become Immortal like God Herself. Love is more than fuel, it is living water as well as unquenchable fire. It is more than worthwhile to hold out for the Real Thing. Real Love stands the test of Time. We are playing this game to get to the next level, and you can’t do that with such a narrow view of existence, where all of Creation is means to an end – the end of You, slick and fat, lying sluggish at the bottom of the Universe. We are commanded to Rise, and so we will.
Opportunity – Expand your inner and outer vision. We are multidimensional beings and our emotions – our very orgasms – can become multidimensional as well when we appreciate the historic, the inter-generational, the cosmic ramifications of everything we do and think and are. The marriage service talks about hanging in there through sickness and poverty, and it is a proven fact that people who have been through terrible experiences have a deeper connection. It becomes a secret language others just don’t “understand”. When you have children, you gain the ability to live through them – this is a multi-player, multi-avatar game! Life itself can be a terrible (as well as wonderful) experience. So buckle up! Those who are not alert will be eaten.
Models & Mentors – “Remember sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck” – Dalai Lama
“Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. Let it go.” – Nikita Gill
“Don’t waste your love on someone who doesn’t value it” – Wm Shakespeare
“Temporary people teach permanent lessons” – Alysse Aallyn
“Love dies of wounds, errors and betrayals” – Anais Nin
“Attitude toward gratitude defines a person” – Eli Wiesel
Mantra – “I rise”
Meditation –
Haiku: The Firefly – False Love
Glitter is Hypnotic: Brain freezes Heartbeat slows Wallet Disappears
