Blog

Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn
SCENE 5

(The Hamptons. Lights up on WHITNEY, sitting against the boulder, staring out at the ocean, drinking from a bottle of tequila. EIGHT approaches and sits beside her silently.)

EIGHT
What? No door hammering? Your fists must be sore.

WHITNEY
I’m waiting for her to come out and swim. She usually does – when the moon is full. Then I’m going to brain her with this bottle. Which will be empty at that point.

(EIGHT takes the bottle away)

EIGHT
Save the tequila for her. You catch more flies with the tequila than by trying to smash them drunkenly with a bottle.

WHITNEY
Hey, but at least I’d feel better.

EIGHT
Let’s play a game. Role-play with me. What were you planning to say to her?

WHITNEY
(Screwing up her face with struggle)

I guess… nothing. She scares me so badly I can’t think. You should hear the way she talks to me! I can’t break through this “I’m a great lady and you’re a poor little supplicant” routine. I was planning on getting drunk and then maybe having enough courage to wing it.

EIGHT
This sounds like HER game plan. Deer in the headlights.

WHITNEY
Well, it’s working.

(She tries to wrestle the bottle away – he keeps tight control)

Hey! It’s MY bottle!

EIGHT
Wait for it to hit you before you pack on more. You probably need every bit of this for her – she strikes me as a hard drinker. Take my word for it, booze and ocean are a dangerous combination.

WHITNEY
Is that so?

EIGHT
I know from personal experience.

WHITNEY
Is that how you died?

EIGHT
(Points to his chest)

Me? Last time I checked I was a conscious, breathing human being.

WHITNEY
I’ve been seeing too many ghosts lately. I guess some of them aren’t even dead yet.

EIGHT
(Sits down beside her)

Lay off of that stuff if you want to know what’s real.

(Long lingering kiss)

That real enough for you?

WHITNEY
(She stares at him a long time)

I’m not sure. I think I need another one.

(He obliges.)

EIGHT
Ready to tell me what happened?

WHITNEY
And here I was figuring you were all knowing!

EIGHT
It’s easy to be all knowing about someone else’s business. It’s my own that has me stumped. Share what you discovered.

WHITNEY
Well, you sent me spinning off to confront her and get my fortune read. She told me some people don’t have souls.

EIGHT
She’s lying. I’m all-knowing enough about that.

WHITNEY
She says people lose their souls.

EIGHT
She’s messing with you. Don’t believe a word she says.

WHITNEY
So after we find out she’s an identity thief whose prey has mysteriously disappeared you send me dancing off to see who else she’s murdered. Guess what! Turns out here WAS a guy, she probably did it but we’ll never prove it.

EIGHT
What makes you so sure?

WHITNEY
The police destroyed the evidence! On purpose!

(She leans toward him and whispers conspiratorially)

“GRASSY KNOLL”

.
EIGHT
You can still win this. Even with incompetent police, bedfellow prosecutors and bribable jailers you can win this.

WHITNEY
Why’s that?

EIGHT
Karma. Also known as, what comes around goes around.

WHITNEY
We WISH.

EIGHT
All you need’s more time. Cons simply can’t get away with it forever. Call it “hanging in there”. You have to let destiny know that you won’t let go.

WHITNEY
Did you say “Destiny?” That was her stripper name!

EIGHT
See? It started already! Be as wily as a serpent and as gentle as a dove.

WHITNEY
I think I aced the “gentle” part.

EIGHT
So all you need is wily. Ever asked yourself why she wastes time with you? Hasn’t she got everything she wants? What’s she hanging around here for?

WHITNEY
She enjoys torturing people, and the better she knows them the more fun it is.

EIGHT
Maybe. I think she needs something from you and you need to figure out what that is.

WHITNEY
She did say I reminded her of herself. I was so horrified I almost upchucked.

EIGHT
There you go! She’s looking for an heir! A protégée!

WHITNEY
She actually used that word!

EIGHT
See? You’re on your way!

WHITNEY
But why me?
```
            EIGHT
```
Maybe she’s lonely.

WHITNEY
Why not somebody more malleable? Who LIKES her and is impressed by her?

EIGHT
Maybe you represent a challenge. She’s probably in awe of you. Maybe she’s a little bit in love with you.

WHITNEY
As if! She’s always talking about how terrible my body is and how I need to get it fixed.

EIGHT
Talks about your body, does she? I think we’re onto something.

WHITNEY
She doesn’t “fall in love”, she tries to seduce people. It isn’t the same thing.

EIGHT
Maybe she thinks it is. Here, Whit. I’ve got something for you. I’ve got something for you.

(Reaches in his pocket and hands her small object.)

WHITNEY
What’s this? A bullet?

EIGHT
I’m a treasure hunter, right? There I was minding my own business sweeping this particular patch of beach and your stepmother came out of her house and took a shot at me. So I waited to find the bullet and then I dug it out.

WHITNEY
She shot at you?

EIGHT
More than once, using some very unladylike language.

(Puts her hand on his heart)

Yes, my heart’s still pumping, no thanks to your stepmother. She damn near killed me.

WHITNEY
And here I was wondering if she conjured you up out of her medieval imagination!

EIGHT
Not hardly.

WHITNEY
So what are you proposing I do with this thing?

EIGHT
Humans are pattern makers, Whit. Pattern makers and pattern finders. If her pattern gets big enough everyone’s gonna see it.

WHITNEY
(Studying the bullet)

Patterns, eh?

EIGHT
Right. Sometimes when we see them they aren’t even there. That’s why waiting for the come around to go around is so important.

WHITNEY
I don’t like waiting. Tell me what you’ve figured out about my stepmother so far.

EIGHT
Look at this place.

(Waves a hand expansively)

I think she’s a trophy-collector.

WHITNEY
That’s for sure. Every day she puts on a necklace belonging to the woman who disappeared. Imagine what she’s thinking!

EIGHT
Maybe other people aren’t even real to her. She goes shooting up and down this beach, like she’s the only person in the universe. That blindness makes her lonely I’m guessing. And sloppy for sure.

WHITNEY
So the gun itself could be a trophy?

EIGHT
Why not? And even if she destroyed that gun, she’d never find all those bullets.

WHITNEY
You’re thinking she shot somebody?

EIGHT
I’d call that most probable.

WHITNEY
But how am I going to find out who’s got her bullet in them?

EIGHT
Ask her.

WHITNEY
Ask her! Are you out of your mind? I can’t do it!

EIGHT
Sure you can. You don’t know your own strength. Bet she loves to brag.

WHITNEY
You know, she does.

EIGHT
She’s probably irritated that the world hasn’t yet caught on to how clever she’s been, how superior she is. She’s fooled everyone and they don’t even know it. You don’t need me. You can catalogue all your stepmother’s weaknesses for yourself by now.

WHITNEY
Well, I know she loves hanging all over me pushing her disgusting “advice”.

EIGHT
Maybe her prime weakness is you.

WHITNEY
Me? Never! According to her there’s nothing “right” about me.

EIGHT
I’d say that lady protests too much. Look at it. You’re the only person she hasn’t been able to fool. She needs to win you over.

WHITNEY
I think her weakness is Time. It’s running out on her and she’s got to know it.

EIGHT
I think you underestimate your powers of attraction. But let’s say I agree with you. Explain your last statement.

WHITNEY
I think the only things she really covets are power, youth and beauty. In fact, she staked her life on them.

EIGHT
Then she’s looking at trouble, isn’t she? Makes her whole future is a disaster area.

WHITNEY
(Realizing it fully)

Sure looks like it.

EIGHT
So maybe you should tell her fortune, for once.

WHITNEY
That wouldn’t work! She’d never believe me.

EIGHT
But Time, Power, Youth & Beauty – they’re are all on your side. Cave! Here she comes.

WHITNEY
What makes you think so? I don’t see her. Time to admit it; you’re otherworldly.

EIGHT
I’ve got a highly developed sense of smell for sulfur. Don’t you worry. I’m gonna be right here.
June 26, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

SCENE 4

(Lights up on Strip club., “Guilty Pleasures”. Pole, stage, café table with chairs on top. MR BUTTERBATCH wearing apron is sweeping floor. Enter WHITNEY with wheeled suitcase)

WHITNEY
Didn’t this club used to be The Gentleman’s Secret?

BUTTERBATCH
Long, long ago. Are you the new dancer?

WHITNEY
Not hardly.

BUTTERBATCH
Well, that’s lucky.

(Shakes his head.)

WHITNEY
I’m looking for the owner.

BUTTERBATCH
Oh, the owners never come in. Day manager arrives after eleven.

WHITNEY
Maybe you can help me. Were you here sixteen years ago?

BUTTERBATCH
Lady, I’ve been here since the beginning of time. Butterbatch is the name. Butter by name and bachelor by nature.

WHITNEY
You’re just who I’m looking for…if your memory is any good.

(Takes down a chair and sits exhaustedly)

BUTTERBATCH
My memory is fantastic. It’s pretty much all I’ve got these days. What is it that you want to know exactly? Are you implying I’m too old to know anything because I said you were too fat to be a dancer?

WHITNEY
Did you say that?

BUTTERBATCH
No. I’m polite. So maybe you shouldn’t go casting aspersions.

WHITNEY
Honestly I wasn’t casting aspersions. I’m too tired to cast aspersions. I’ve been up all night, flying standby.

BUTTERBATCH
(Vigorously sweeping)

Traveling steerage, were you? Well, that was dumb. That one’s on you.

WHITNEY
Let’s start over. I’m investigating a murder.

BUTTERBATCH
We’ve got two. Bar fight 96 or stage manager 99?

WHITNEY
(Eyes popping)

Stage manager 1999! Wow! You get right to it.

BUTTERBATCH
See? You’ve come to the right place. I know everything. We oldsters are the guardians of the past. Not that anyone cares these days. Crime shows don’t like unsolved crimes. Can’t get the media interested. What’s the “spin” is all they want to know. I can answer any question you’ve got but first, I’ve got a little question of my own.

(Getting comfortable leaning on his broom)

What’s it to you?

WHITNEY
I don’t understand.

BUTTERBATCH
Of course you don’t understand, that’s what I’m here for. I’m gonna explicate. But first you’ve got to riddle me this; Why ya wanna know?

WHITNEY
Oh. Well, I think I know who might have killed that guy.

BUTTERBATCH
Really? Cold case like that? Why ain’t you talkin’ to the police?

WHITNEY
Because I need to talk to you first.

(Shows her phone)

Recognize this woman?

BUTTERBATCH
I’m not sure. She wasn’t a waitress, I can tell you that, and she wasn’t a patron any night I was here. But those dancers – they change. Wigs, makeup. Costumes. They transform themselves. Professional chameleons.

WHITNEY
Her name was Pearleen Purdy.

BUTTERBATCH
Oh, Pearleen! Of course I remember her. Destiny! She barely used the pole! She worked the edge of the stage. Everyone remembers her. I’ve got guys that still ask about her. Poor Lester Westerhaven ain’t never got over her.

WHITNEY
Destiny?

BUTTERBATCH
That was her stage name. On account of the palm reading. Yup, she had quite a following. Now I always thought she was kind of scary.

WHITNEY
You did? Why?

BUTTERBATCH
She had these terrible eyes. She looked at people like she was trying to figure out how much space they took up and whether she could relieve them of it. Gave me the heebie-jeebies. You think Pearleen killed Burt?

WHITNEY
Tell me more about these “heebie-jeebies”.

BUTTERBATCH
You know how when women, like, go for things they want, they go all roundabout? Making nice? Playing coy? She wasn’t like that at all! She told you what she wanted right up front! The audience never saw that part. But when she was looking at everybody, it was like she was looking at nobody. I always felt like this was her world and the rest of us were just passing through.

WHITNEY
So what did she want?

BUTTERBATCH
Well, not me, I can tell you that much. And not Burt either, though he was pretty handsy. Casper the Grasper the girls called him. She was dating a couple of customers, I seem to remember. Rich guys. Married guys. She blew through Lester’s little stash like he was standing still.

WHITNEY
(Reads her phone)

Says here Burt was found dead at nine AM June 16.

BUTTERBATCH
By yours truly! You never saw such blood! Handcuffed to his chair; throat slit with a frog-gigger. Nasty little knife. Right here in the office. Blood everywhere!

(Shivers)

WHITNEY
A frog-gigger?

BUTTERBATCH
I’m still not over it. But you know I just don’t see how a little thing like Pearleen could manhandle a fellow that size! Burt was 250 pounds of hard blubber! Even handcuffed to a chair…

WHITNEY
How about surprise? I mean, what if she just came up behind him? Say he was blindfolded.

BUTTERBATCH
That would work. Now you’re talking. And he could have been high. He liked to be high when he thought he was gonna get some.

WHITNEY
So what happened to Pearleen? Where was she at the time of the murder? Or after it?

BUTTERBATCH
Who knows! You kidding me? Them dancers scattered like cockroaches in the sunlight! Half of ‘em were undocumented and the rest were violating parole. Everybody’s wanted for something or other.

WHITNEY
But who had a motive?

BUTTERBATCH
Everyone had a motive with Burt! Yours truly excepted, natch. Burt was the drug connection. The police pounced right on the drug angle because his stash was missing. Nobody wanted to be connected to that. Nobody even went to the poor guy’s funeral. It was just me and the owners. This place closed down entirely for a couple of weeks. We had to reopen under a new name, new dancers, everything.

WHITNEY
Anything else you can tell me about Pearleen?

BUTTERBATCH
Oh, she was a fortuneteller. She’d look deep in your eyes – right through to the back of your head – pretending to read your palm. Oh, my God! Gives me the shiverbumps now.

WHITNEY
She never told your fortune?

BUTTERBATCH
(Shudders)
Heck no. I stay away from that stuff. Feels like they’re trying to put a mark on you. Somebody gives you a fortune, it might come true. I like to keep the future unexpected. Keeps life interesting. I wasn’t expecting you, see? Keeps me alert. And I’m still here, aren’t I?

WHITNEY
This is just what I needed. Thanks for all your help.

BUTTERBATCH
(Calling after her)

Off to the police? Planning to star on one of them crime shows?

WHITNEY
Why not?

BUTTERBATCH
Don’t waste your breath. They “lost” all the evidence. It’s just another grassy knoll!

(Punctuates with finger commas.)

Lost the evidence! That’s what I’m telling you. Thing they said was, “We don’t have the room to store all that stuff.”

WHITNEY
Who said that?

BUTTERBATCH
Cold case guy. I called him up because Burt’s dealer turned up dead in a mobile home out on Rt. 80. You’re not the only one wants to star in a crime show. I said should they take DNA for Burt’s case and they told me –

WHITNEY
Evidence destroyed. Just my luck.

(Wheels suitcase away, staggering.)

BUTTERBATCH
Don’t take it so hard. What comes around goes around. I always say.

WHITNEY
And that helps how?

BUTTERBATCH
Nobody gets away with nothing, not in my experience. Say, you’re sure you don’t want to audition? Talking to you now, I see a glimmer of light beneath that bushel of yours. Could be hidden talent. Let ‘er out and let ‘er rip. Tips here are very good.

WHITNEY
Thanks but no thanks.

(Dragging away depressed. Lights out. )

June 25, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

(Behind WHITNEY’S back appears an old man dressed for fishing. He carries a tackle box and two fishing rods.)

WHITNEY
(Shouting after EIGHT)
Some “master of the elements” you are. Scared of a little chill!

DR. QUANTREAU
Whitney? Ready to go fishing? The bluefish are running.

WHITNEY
(Overcome)

Dad! Dad! Oh, my God! Dad!

DR. QUANTREAU
Don’t touch me. I’m covered with hooks.

(He casts a line)

WHITNEY
(Confused)

Dad, you can’t catch bluefish from here!

DR. QUANTREAU
Whitney, you’re forgetting that I’m dead. I can do anything I want.

WHITNEY
(Collapsing emotionally)

Dad, you’ve left everything in a mess!

DR. QUANTREAU
I don’t think so. You seem fine to me.

WHITNEY
Dad, Charmayne is some kind of monster! She kills people who get in her way! She probably killed you!

DR. QUANTREAU
What does that matter now? It was my time to go.

(Casting, moving up the beach.)

WHITNEY
This is NOT the way I imagined it.

DR. QUANTREAU
Nothing ever is.

WHITNEY
Let me put it this way, Dad. You married a lying, greedy, murderous stripper!

DR. QUANTREAU
Not bad for a deteriorating old geezer, huh?

(WHITNEY is gob smacked. Watches him silently for a while.)

WHITNEY
(Mustering all her energy)

Well, I’m not letting her get away with it.

DR. QUANTREAU
Forget it, Whitney. Allow an old man to have his fun. I made plenty of money for everybody. Let it go.

WHITNEY
Dad! She made you beg for water! I saw it!

DR. QUANTREAU
Adults play games, Whitney. Conflict makes life interesting; keeps the fish fresh. I guess you wouldn’t understand. You were always so serious.

WHITNEY
You made me serious! You wanted me serious! You said life was serious.

DR QUANTREAU
(Reflects)

Besides, I probably deserved it. Ever heard that expression “what goes around comes around?” I made your mother beg for money. We all did it. I regret it now.

(Shrugs)

You should have seen the faces on the other guys when I brought Charmayne to the club!

(Cackles gleefully)

Were they jealous! Didn’t know I had it in me!

(Wandering away into the “water” – into the audience)

WHITNEY
(Calling after him despondently)

Dad, don’t go! Let’s talk about…things. We never talked about real things. We only talked about…history. Why Alexander the Great didn’t need armies as big as the people he attacked.

DR. QUANTREAU
Honey, I don’t have to worry about “things” any more. Or Alexander the Great. You could come fishing with me. I love fishing. I get to fish all the time.

WHITNEY
(With a passion)

I see now I’ve always hated fishing. It’s the most boring activity on the planet.

DR. QUANTREAU
I like it. It relaxes me. It’s just a game, Whit. Our games define us. Elevate your game, Whit.

WHITNEY
You against some nine pound fish! Like that’s fair!

DR. QUANTREAU
Honey, no one cares about fairness. Fairness is impossible. Expertise, that’s the thing. Self-improvement. Mastering whatever it is you set out to do.

(Casts)

WHITNEY
But you keep leaving me, again and again, over and over! Don’t you still love me?

DR. QUANTREAU
Of course I love you, Whitney. And Darby and McKenzie and Charmayne and your mother – what was her name? Doris. I loved Doris and before her I loved Edna. But the fish are running! See them go? If the fish are running, I’ve got to follow! Goodbye, Whitney! Be a good girl.

(Exit.)

WHITNEY
(Shouting after him)

You’re just a figment of my adolescent imagination!

(Bursts into tears sobbing her heart out.)

I refuse to take advice from ghosts.

(Dries her tears, sighs, takes out her phone)

Unsolved murders in Branson, Missouri…what was it? Fourteen years ago?

June 24, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

WHITNEY
That went HORRIBLY.

(Goes to sit disconsolately on the beach behind the boulder, hidden from the house. EIGHT appears, wielding his metal detector.)

WHITNEY
(Sarcastically)

Well if it ain’t the Prince of Wands.

EIGHT
Excuse me? Name’s Eight. Like pieces of eight?

WHITNEY
Well, I found out the demon’s name. And it got me exactly nowhere. It’s Creature from the Black Lagoon one, and Firewalkers zero.

EIGHT
One battle ain’t a war. What happened?

WHITNEY
She stole someone’s identity! And then that person disappeared! She killed her mentor. Probably robbed her into the bargain.

EIGHT
That one’s a piece of work all right.

WHITNEY
It’s real bad. But it was fourteen years ago. The missing person’s been declared dead even though no one ever found the body, my father’s trust says it doesn’t matter who he was married to when he died, and if Charmayne hasn’t already legally changed her name now she’s probably going to.

EIGHT
Nothing works when you give up that fast.

WHITNEY
She even had the nerve to accuse ME of Black Magic.

EIGHT
She did? Oh, Whit! Don’t you see how great that is? You recognized the demon, called it by name, and it recognized YOU! You’re on your way, girl!

WHITNEY
I thought you were the one warning me against descending to her level.

EIGHT
(Hunkers down beside her)

She believes this stuff, is all I’m saying. She’s not your ordinary con. You can’t get her where she’s fake, so you have to get her where she’s real.

WHITNEY
Well, I’m going to need a lot more magic. You got any on you?

EIGHT
(Running his metal detector over her body – it rattles excitedly)

You don’t need my magic. You’ve got plenty of your own!

WHITNEY
(Collapsing disconsolately)

Prove it.

EIGHT
Look. I’d say there’s at least two reasons to steal an identity. One is, you actually want to be that person. The other is, you don’t want to be yourself.

WHITNEY
Because?

EIGHT
Do I have to spell everything out for you? I’m saying, if you’re willing to get rid of one person…

WHITNEY
(Starting to get worked up)

You mean maybe she’s done it before? My stepmom, the serial killer!

(As EIGHT ambles down the beach)

Please don’t go! I need you!

EIGHT
Don’t you feel the temperature dropping?

(Shivers)

Time to take cover.

June 23, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

(Evening. Lights up on the Hampton house. )

WHITNEY
(Banging)

Charmayne!! Charmayne!!

CHARMAYNE
(Appearing at the door – seemingly annoyed)

Whitney, you really do have to make an appointment. I don’t have time to play with you today.

WHITNEY
Oh, I think you’ll see me – Pearleen.

CHARMAYNE
(Steps outside, closes door carefully)

Oh? Are your efforts to master the black arts finally paying off?

WHITNEY
There’s no “black ops” about it. I’ve been investigating you.

CHARMAYNE
Moi? Little me? How flattering. I love being the center of attention. I revel in your…involvement.

(Making it sound sexual. Crosses her arms defensively, but says boldly)

It’s not illegal to change your name, you know. Some names are very common. You can call yourself anything you want. And some of us were saddled by our thoughtless parents with disabling monikers we couldn’t wait to get rid of.

WHITNEY
But you are pretending to be someone else!

CHARMAYNE
Prove it.

WHITNEY
You’re wearing her necklace!

CHARMAYNE
She gave it to me. Among many other gifts. I thought I explained all that to you.

WHITNEY
And now no one can find her!

CHARMAYNE
Poor little know-nothing. You’re not even a Querent, you’re lower than that. Sludge. Pity you didn’t pursue my entire course of instruction. Then you’d see that when there’s a new Queen of Swords it’s traditional for the previous Queen to make herself scarce.

WHITNEY
You did something to her!

CHARMAYNE
Prove it.

WHITNEY
Plus, you misrepresented yourself when we hired you!

CHARMAYNE
Oh, I told Arthur all about it! It only made him admire me more. He proposed, didn’t he? I don’t think you knew your father as well as you thought you did, Whitney. He appreciated people who made something of themselves, who figured out the physics of existence. He didn’t care for helpless wannabes who hang around trading on their birth names and trying to cash in on the past. We complemented each other. He told me, I “embraced multitudes.” And that’s what he loved about me.

WHITNEY
He was quoting Whitman. I doubt your marriage is even legal!

CHARMAYNE
Now hold on, sister. Have you bothered to research common law marriage in this state? Don’t come annoying me when you haven’t done your homework! I’ll give you a head start by telling you Dr. Quantreau’s trust defines his wife as “ux” – not by name but anyone he called his wife at the time of his death.

WHITNEY
Prove it.

CHARMAYNE
I don’t have to. And a further piece of advice? When you’re coming after someone, it’s very dangerous to put them on notice. Because then they’ll be ready for you…fully armed.

(Disappears into house, slamming the door)

June 22, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

(Lights up on The Library Basement Stacks at Dead Lake Community College a mini set with bookcase and elderly woman – MRS PREECE – wearing coke bottle glasses perched atop library ladder, putting books away. )

MRS PREECE
Why are all these students so freakishly tall? I’m going to kill myself, one of those days, trying to approximate the eye line of some basketball-playing mutant.
(WHITNEY appears shyly around the bookcase.)

WHITNEY
Are you Mrs. Preece?

MRS. PREECE
No need to shout. I’m half-blind, not deaf. Depends who’s asking.

WHITNEY
I’ve been researching past Dead Lake students and the girl at the front desk said you know everything.

MRS. PREECE
(Coming down the ladder)
Then I’m that Mrs. Preece. For all I knew you were looking for my mother in law and she’s been dead these forty years. And believe you me, she was no picnic when she was alive, and now that she’s dead she’s been particularly troublesome.

(Looks WHITNEY up & down)

Aren’t you a nice young lady! Most girls these days look so terrible I pity them. They want to look terrible is what I conclude. It’s all I can do to keep from jumping back and gagging when I see one coming – it’s like some vision of the Apocalypse. They’re arming up for something – God knows what.

(Crosses herself)

You look like a strong healthy girl. Not like those female zombies.

WHITNEY
I missed a lot. I guess I’ve been… held back.

MRS. PREECE
Well, stay in school forever, that’s my advice. You, – you play hockey? What’s your sport?

WHITNEY
God no. I hate sports.

MRS. PREECE
Don’t say that, girl. Games are all we have to look forward to. The only time we get to win. I was a left wing in my time. But you can’t even say “left-wing” these days.
Teatime!

(She swivels the ladder & bookcase to reveal two basket chairs and a squat bookcase holding a smoking kettle, which she unplugs. She pours two mugs of tea and settles into chair with a sigh.)

WHITNEY
(Accepting a mug)
Do you live down here?

MRS. PREECE
Might as well. They’ve got facilities, haven’t they? Heat, light, the whole ball of wax. I’ve got a home but why go there? The spirit of my dead mother-in-law makes it clear she doesn’t approve of my housekeeping. No, libraries are where it’s at! Temples of learning, sanctuaries of knowledge. And they’re too cheap to hire a security guard for all this treasure. Scary. All they’ve got is little old me. When I go, it’s “poof” for all these memories. If I’m going to be haunted by somebody, I choose Emerson. Or any of the Transcendentalists, really.

(Waves a hand)

Education is SO wasted on the young. And it don’t stick long on the old folks, neither. People remember the way things SHOULD have happened. But I –

(Taps her head)

Been blessed in the brain-basket. I like the past. I remember the way things REALLY happened. So, long story short, you’ve come to the right place. Sit down and make yourself to home.

(Long sip)

Such a pleasure having company I’d smoke if I thought I could get away with it, but they’ve got them damn detectors. Interested in the Lake, you say? Good riddance to it! The Black Lagoon, we used to call it! Oh, it was a pile of muck after all the frogs died. You one of those conservation nuts? An echo-terrorist?

WHITNEY
Eco-terrorist? No. Actually I’m looking for a person. I’m Whitney Quantreau, and I’m looking for Charmayne Carr. She claims she attended this school. Charmayne Carr?

MRS. PREECE
I should have guessed right away that’s what you wanted! EVERYBODY’S looking for that one. Nobody knows what became of her. She just abandoned her house and walked away! But she wasn’t a student, she was a teacher. Health Ed.

WHITNEY
She was? Who – who’s looking for her?

MRS. PREECE
Her family. They need to know where she’s at! Got no idea in hell what’s become of her! And she used to support the lot of them. So it came as a shock. Does make a motive for sneaking away, having that pack hounding after you, I’d be thinking. And the cops say adults can go where they please. It’s a free country. You know what became of her?

WHITNEY
Well – she got married. That’s all.

MRS. PREECE
Married? To a MAN?

WHITNEY
(Flustered)
To my father, actually. What did you think?

MRS. PREECE
Well, I’m not sure what’s the PC word for it, but she was one of them long-time dykes. Dressed like a man most of the time! Oh she was miserable when they tried to get her up into any sort of skirt. Nowadays she’d just go and get her sex fixed to something matching her desires.

WHITNEY
(Shows her phone)

Is this her?

MRS. PREECE
(Clutches her heart like she’s seen a ghost)
Oh my goodness!

(Takes the phone)

Never thought I’d see HER again. So she’s a blonde now? She was a redhead when I knew her.

WHITNEY
Isn’t that Charmayne Carr?

MRS. PREECE
No, it most certainly isn’t! That’s Pearleen Purdy – Charmayne’s – I don’t know WHAT you’d call her. Doctor Carr’s girlfriend.

WHITNEY
Are you certain?

MRS. PREECE
How could a body be wrong about a thing like that? Nobody ever forgot Pearleen once they saw her. I’ve even got a picture of them together here somewhere.

(Produces a pile of college yearbooks from squat bookcase and shuffles through them)

These are my own personal Firewalkers. I don’t let them out of my hands.

WHITNEY
Firewalkers!

MRS. PREECE
Name of our basketball team, you know, the Firewalkers. Ought to be Airwalkers, but that was taken and we’re obligated to honor the Indians since we took their land whether they like it or not. Everyone walks through fire around here. Burning up the countryside’s practically a ritual. Let’s see, fourteen years ago, wasn’t it? The two of them were in a play together. “The Real Inspector Hound.”

(Offers the book)

Charmayne’s the one with the moustache. She was playing a man of course. Inspector Foot of the Yard.

(Agitated)

Now don’t you get stains on that!

WHITNEY
(Puts mug down respectfully)

She – Pearleen looks so different!

MRS. PREECE
Pearleen was older than most of the students. Word was she’d been a stripper out of Branson, Missouri. You’ve heard of Branson, Missouri? At The Gentleman’s Secret.
Well, Dr. Carr had a nice big house out on the Heights and poor Pearleen grew up on that sorry lake. She came home when the developers passed out education money. Dr. Carr liked to invite girl students – poor students – I should say PRETTY students out to the Heights to live with her. She “helped” them. Folks around here called her place “The Opium Den” because it was so – I don’t know what you’d call it. Eastern-like. Cultish. With draperies and bronzes and incense. The works.

WHITNEY
Cult-ish?

MRS. PREECE
Yeah, Dr. Carr had one of them goddess religions she was the queen of. To each her own, I say. Live and let live.

WHITNEY
Isis? TAROT? Let me guess, was she…the Queen of Swords?

MRS. PREECE
Bingo. That’s it exactly. She played the cards and Pearleen played her. Dr. Carr made a pot of money with one of them role-playing games. Dr. Carr was the Queen and Pearleen was supposed to be a Princess, I think that’s the way it went. But Pearleen got rid of all those other girls one by one. Reminds me of a cat I used to have. He just couldn’t share. He chased all the other cats right off my bed. Couldn’t abide the competition. We try to turn the other cheek to promote a professional atmosphere but I‘m telling you, it was the scandal of the campus!

WHITNEY
(Produces phone, uses zoom)

Did Charmayne Carr – Dr Carr – ever wear this necklace?

MRS. PREECE
That dagger there? Well, it looks familiar. She had lots of totem like materials. But Dr. Carr had all these folds around her neck, you see… No one wants to gaze at that too closely! No, she was never one of the “pretty ones!”

WHITNEY
And then she disappeared! Didn’t anybody find it suspicious?

MRS PREECE
Suspicious! Wasn’t I telling you her family had a meltdown! They came out here screaming like banshees! Finally declared her legally dead so they could sell her property!

WHITNEY
Do you remember any of their names?

MRS PREECE
Her brother had some very ordinary name. Like John. But I’m telling you, they don’t care anymore. The estate’s settled! They’ve even got a fake gravesite established somewhere – had a service with shrieking and wailing. Be quite a shock to them when she comes back. They’re not wanting to resurrect the dead. You’ve got a different problem than that.

WHITNEY
My stepmom’s an identity thief!

MRS. PREECE
Your poor dad’s the one got trouble, bless his heart. Play and then pay, I say! Usually through the nose. I demand all my bills up front.

WHITNEY
Too late for that. He’s dead, too.

(MRS PREECE drops her Firewalker with a resounding bang. Lights out.)

June 21, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot play by Alysse Aallyn

WHITNEY

(Thinking aloud)

A demon’s real name…

(Silence while WHITNEY thinks.  Decision.)

WHITNEY

Be not afraid.

(She resumes hammering on the door.)

Charmayne! Charmayne! Charmayne!

CHARMAYNE

(Seductively from the door open only a slit)

I thought we had an agreement, Whitney.

WHITNEY

(Bravely)

I’d like you to tell my fortune.  Give me a reading.  You know.  With the cards.

CHARMAYNE

(Instantly interested)

Oh, you’d like that, would you? Why the sudden change of tune?

WHITNEY

(Graceless shrug)

I don’t want to come back on Thursday.

CHARMAYNE

(Rippling laugh)

I like you, Whitney. You shouldn’t be so teasable.  I guess it’s Ramon who will have to come back Thursday.  Surprises refresh me. You’ve never availed yourself of my gift of cartomancy before. Let me get my cards.

(Door snaps shut)

WHITNEY

(Seats herself in a patio chair)

Here goes nothing.

CHARMAYNE

(Appearing with a full tray)

Here, take this.

(Lumbers WHITNEY with enormous tray while CHARMAYNE carefully closes door behind her)

Careful with that!

(WHITNEY unloads tray onto patio table)

CHARMAYNE

I’m so pleased about this little tête a tête. Choose your poison. Kids these days drink only vodka. Vodka! (She snorts) Youth is so wasted on the young.

WHITNEY

I drink tequila.

CHARMAYNE

Oh, I bet you do.  Care to knock back some shots?

(She mimes it)

In vino veritas, Whitney. I’ll save you the worm.

WHITNEY

Please don’t quote Latin at me.  It makes me feel I’m back at boarding school.

CHARMAYNE

Life’s one school after another, Whitney.  Endless initiation into unimagined horizons.  All birth’s painful. A little medicine eases the transition.

WHITNEY

No thanks.  I still have to drive home.  Water’s fine.

CHARMAYNE

You always were as stubborn as a mule.  So be it! Ready to concentrate on the future?

WHITNEY

I still have some questions about the past.

CHARMAYNE

(Sits, bounces a leg impatiently)

Oh, Whitney, Whitney!  If I could only get you to see that your obsession with the past is so self-defeating!  Here you are a young girl – an almost beautiful young girl who could be better than beautiful if she made any effort – and all you do is look back.  On a mere nineteen years of life!

(Shakes her head)

If I’d stayed stuck like you, I’d still be gigging frogs down by the lake.

WHITNEY

What lake?

CHARMAYNE

(Immediate self-protection)

Oh, I grew up on a lake.  Didn’t I mention?  A sad sleazy little lake surrounded by wooden cabins – some of them actually on wheels. It’s all gone now.

WHITNEY

Maybe, but surely the lake is still there.

CHARMAYNE

Oh no.  It’s all gone now. Paved over. Things change, Whitney.  Get used to it!  The past is always more disgusting than people are willing to concede.

WHITNEY

But who would pave a lake?

CHARMAYNE

The water was attacked by some invasive…they had to get rid of it. I would have walked through fire to get out of that place.

WHITNEY

(Very stubborn)

But how could you still be at the lake if it’s gone?

CHARMAYNE

I would have fought the changes, that’s my point.  But what would I get? A dead lake and a dying life ! Instead, look at this!

(Waves over the audience)

I have the ocean!  The whole Atlantic Ocean…

WHITNEY

So tell me about that dagger you wear around your neck.

CHARMAYNE

(Playing with it)

A girl after my own heart!  No sooner do I give one gift than you want another. This golden dagger is a dear memento given to me by my mentor years ago. On completing my study of tarot.

WHITNEY

(Flat footedly)

What was her name?

CHARMAYNE

Oh, Whitney…Whitney…You can never bathe in the same river twice!  I only care about the future. All this could be yours someday… if you play your cards right.

                                                WHITNEY

Depends which deck we’re using.

CHARMAYNE

(Silvery laughter)

My deck of course! You don’t have a deck! Whitney, I want to be your friend. I treasured my own mentor – she made all the difference in my life –  I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have a protégée. I never knew it would be you.

                                                WHITNEY

Why do you think so?

CHARMAYNE

You’re so young, so unformed. And you have such a thirst for knowledge!  I was that way once, wondering how things work.

(Reaches out to touch WHITNEY’S hair – WHITNEY steels herself)

If only you knew how much I want to give you things.

WHITNEY

You do?

(This disturbs her)

Like what?

CHARMAYNE

I could show you the lynchpins of the universe if only you would let me.  Very few of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths and a golden rattle clutched in our chubby baby hands the way you were, Whitney.  You need to see the world for what it really is. You don’t accept what’s on offer – you go your own way – I was like that, too. I can teach you how to never be defeated. But first I must know.  Are you a Querent or a Firewalker?

WHITNEY

A what?

CHARMAYNE

Is this idle curiosity or will you accept the challenge that is offered – whatever it requires? Can you stand up to what must be revealed?

(She produced and shuffles the tarot cards – with threatening skill)

The time is never riper.  Open your mind, Whitney and accept.  IF that’s what you’re here for.

WHITNEY

I’m definitely a firewalker.

CHARMAYNE

I thought so! Welcome to the Way of Fire.  Enter the temple. Cut.

(Offers cards to WHITNEY who cuts the deck and selects one.)

                                                CHARMAYNE

Don’t just take a card. Wait for the proper moment.

WHITNEY

Did you ever wait?

CHARMAYNE

(CHARMAYNE takes the card from her and studies it)

            Touché!

I suppose you chose the card most eager to speak to you.  Look, it’s The Fool!

(Tarot of The Fool springs up as a hologram or on projection screen)

WHITNEY

That’s supposed to be me?

CHARMAYNE

It’s the card you chose so yes, it has something to say to you. Look at it.

WHITNEY

That I‘m a number zero? Is that what it’s telling me? I don’t like your tarot language.

CHARMAYNE

You’re always braced for insult, Whitney. In your private language you can never be defined by someone else. Open your cage. The Fool is stuck, he can’t move on. Moving on is the First Principle of Life.

WHITNEY

(Leaning across the table)

My father is gone.

CHARMAYNE

He was almost ninety, Whitney.  Death happens.  You had him longer than I did.  Get over it. I never question the past.

WHITNEY

I was raised to appreciate history because if you don’t understand it, you repeat it.

CHARMAYNE

We all were born graceless and angry, raging and accusatory.  It’s only a shame if you stay that way. Look at the fool’s face. He thinks he’s free.  See the rose he picked?  All the while he’s standing on a cliff edge!

                                                WHITNEY

I reject this card. I demand another card.

(Snatches one up. CHARMAYNE is unflustered.)

CHARMAYNE

That’s not the way this game is played.

WHITNEY

Maybe it’s the way I play.  You don’t get to define me.

CHARMAYNE

Fortunately the tarot is wiser than you. Look what you’ve chosen! The Tarot laughs!

(Queen of Swords card appears onscreen – bare breasted and swinging double knives)

                                                WHITNEY

You put that there!

                                                CHARMAYNE

You chose it yourself!

WHITNEY

You probably had that card up your sleeve. Here’s my card – I’ll turn it up myself.

(Priestess Tarot card onscreen)

CHARMAYNE

The High Priestess! How appropriate!

WHITNEY

What’s appropriate about that?

CHARMAYNE

The High Priestess is a woman pretending to be a man, Whitney.  She abhors feminine wiles. Because you’re so interested in history you might as well know she’s base on Pope Joan,  the only female Pope.  She’s the guardian of hidden knowledge. See, she’s holding the Torah with the last letter hidden.

(WHITNEY bridles)

                                                WHITNEY

She looks like a little old man.

CHARMAYNE

Don’t take everything so personally.  Seekers are often forced to wear disguise. Life’s a contest and the weak go to the wall.  Look at the Priestess standing on the moon between the lotus pillars and ask yourself, how does that make you feel?

WHITNEY

Weak.

CHARMAYNE

Well don’t admit it ever. Never spill your guts. The first law is bluster.  After awhile it comes naturally.

WHITNEY

I thought the first law was moving on.

                                                CHARMAYNE

(Irritated)

That’s the first principle.  Try to keep up.

                                                WHITNEY

Doesn’t bluster risk losing yourself?

                                                CHARMAYNE

There is no self! We are self-created. Your father always used to say – oh, never mind. The Priestess reveals her secret when the time is right.

                                                WHITNEY

What did my father always say?

                                                CHARMAYNE

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Now allow me to choose a card for you.

(Prince of Wands appears. He looks a lot like EIGHT)

CHARMAYNE

I knew a man would show up sooner or later. Do you know this handsome devil?  What do you suppose is the meaning of his big, big stick?

(She laughs)

(WHITNEY works hard to stay cool)

WHITNEY

I‘ve met him.

CHARMAYNE

(Surprised and nettled that there’s anything she doesn’t know)

Oh? Where? Is he your boyfriend?

                                                WHITNEY

(Smug)

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

CHARMAYNE

Still waters run deep!  Possibly he’s your power card, Whitney. The elegant Prince of Wands has been pushed out of his home and sent on a journey with no weapon to protect himself other than sticks he picks up.  He’s a dowser.

WHITNEY

He’s a treasure seeker.

CHARMAYNE

Well I’d very much like to meet him.  We could have a tequila party. Would you like that?

                                                WHITNEY

No. Just tell me what it means.

CHARMAYNE

This must be very new – I don’t blame you wanting to keep him to yourself. The Prince of Wands is about developing intuition, cultivating talents. He’s a wily character, not well born like the Prince of Swords. He’s scrappy, like me, came from nothing. He’s had to learn to excel at something – to master it. He presages sudden changes of direction, even a journey.  It could be a lucky card, Whitney, especially since you rejected The Fool.  But like everything else in life, you must claim it. Claim your power, Whitney, I can show you how. Should you fail; the card’s power is reversed.  Then it presages devastating loss, capture, and imprisonment.

WHITNEY

Imprisonment?

CHARMAYNE

(Exasperated)

I could say more if you would tell me about him.

                                                WHITNEY

Forget it. Give me another card.

                                                CHARMAYNE

You’re entitled to an eight card spread.

WHITNEY

Eight?

                                                CHARMAYNE

Is that your lucky number?

WHITNEY

Maybe.

(WHITNEY spreads cards messily over the table)

CHARMAYNE

This isn’t slapjack, Whitney. We all have to play the cards the goddess deals. You’ll cancel out the reading!

(WHITNEY throws cards to the ground.)

                                                CHARMAYNE

Some reverence if you please!

WHITNEY

(Produces a card triumphantly)

Here’s the one I want!  Judgment!

(The Judgment card appears onscreen)

Even this one’s not very impressive. Why does the Tarot show nothing but little old men?

CHARMAYNE

It doesn’t. The Major Arcana is strongly female.

WHITNEY

Well the Judgment Card looks like my Dad to me.

CHARMAYNE

That shows your ignorance. Some have eyes but are too blind to see.

(Wearily picking up cards)

The Tarot won’t be mocked, Whitney.  You’re asking for trouble.

WHITNEY

I don’t think I’m the one in trouble.

                                                CHARMAYNE

Believe me, you are.

                                                WHITNEY

I DON’T believe you. Your threats are vague – you can’t even be specific.

CHARMAYNE

(Threateningly)

It’s whatever you most fear that stalks you. Behind the fear lies…the wish.

(She laughs)

The ignorant are so helpless! This card doesn’t even signify what you think it means.

WHITNEY

So what does it mean, then?

CHARMAYNE

It’s the regeneration card. See the dead rising on the bottom of the card there? That angel’s going to suck them right up into her trumpet!

(She laughs wildly)

WHITNEY

You don’t think the dead can rise?

CHARMAYNE

Depends on how they died.

                                                WHITNEY

What do you mean, HOW?

CHARMAYNE

(Threateningly)

They can’t rise if they’ve lost their souls.

WHITNEY

(Shaken)

Oh, that’s bullshit.  Who says that?

CHARMAYNE

The Book of the Dead.  They’re the experts. Your firewalk is just beginning, Whitney! I’ve been doing it for years. My feet are well-hardened. There’s so much you don’t know.

WHITNEY

(Overturns the table standing up)

I guess the reading’s over.

(They face each other across the mess)

CHARMAYNE

I guess it is.  Some people can’t be helped.

(As CHARMAYNE bends down WHITNEY pretends to leave but hides behind the boulder, trying to calm her breathing).

CHARMAYNE

(Calling after her)

That was a one-time offer! Let me know if you ever get serious about claiming your power!

(Shrugs)

Kids. They insist on leaving the field to me. Which is fine, knowing how I hate to share.

(Clears the table, takes tray into house EXIT).

WHITNEY

(Pulls out her phone and starts typing)

Book of the Dead, eh?   I have some magic of my own and it’s called Google.  I remember now, that faked up résumé said something about Dead Lake Community College…

(Lights down.)

June 20, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot Play by Alysse Aallyn

WHITNEY

(Getting up her nerve…calling after CHARMAYNE …too late)

Like you speak French!

(Goes to sit disconsolately on a boulder.)

This is MY story and I’m not letting her tell it.

(A beachily dressed;  closely shaved man with a metal detector comes up the beach slowly.  Investigating.)

WHITNEY

Hey!  Don’t you know this is private property?

EIGHT

Only to the waterline.  No one owns the ocean.  Which means it belongs to everyone. This your place?

WHITNEY

No.  Belongs to my stepmother.  The place she sold to buy this one was the house I grew up in.

EIGHT

So now you’re free.  Like me.

WHITNEY

(Watches him work)

Who are you?  What are you doing?

EIGHT

I’m a beachcomber and a treasure hunter. Name’s Eight.  Like Pieces of Eight.

WHITNEY

Is that what you find?

EIGHT

I find everything eventually.  Look at this.

(She comes closer)

WHITNEY

What is it?

EIGHT

Prehistoric shark’s tooth.

WHITNEY

Looks like an arrowhead.

EIGHT

They could have used it for that.  You want it?

(She shrinks from contact)

WHITNEY

I don’t know.  What would I do with it?

EIGHT

(Lifts his arm)

Treasure seekers help other treasure seekers. It’s the beachcomber’s code.  Otherwise it goes back to the sea.

WHITNEY

Then I’ll take it.

(Turns it over in her hands.)

I wish it was a magic charm.

EIGHT

Really?  Why’s that?

WHITNEY

I need magic to fight her.

(Gesticulates at house and whispers)

She’s a demon.

EIGHT

You mean demonic?  Or an actual demon?

WHITNEY

I mean an actual demon.  Like from another planet.

EIGHT

Most demons are homegrown.

WHITNEY

This one cultivates magic.  Reads Tarot.  Calls herself The Queen of Swords.

EIGHT

That’s nothing but a pack of cards. No magic there.

WHITNEY

She murdered my father.  I know it.

(A beat. Game change.)

EIGHT

You sure of that?

WHITNEY

Absolutely certain.  He had this neurological condition, and he hired her to be his attendant. She wasn’t qualified – not at all.  He had me sit in the interviews since I lived there too.  I could see how taken with her he was.  I begged him not to do it but –

(she shrugs sadly)

EIGHT

Let me guess.  She was a sight for sore eyes.

WHITNEY

(Nodding)

Yeah.  But so fake, though!  Fake everything: hair, breasts, accent.  Fake résumé, even.  But he didn’t want to see through her.  He just didn’t care.

EIGHT

I get it. He wanted to take his own path to health.

WHITNEY

He wanted to grab for the gusto. As soon as they were married –

(Slits her own throat with a finger.)

EIGHT

Any idea how she did it?

WHITNEY

Smothering? Drugs?  It wouldn’t have been hard. She cremated him right away and there wasn’t even an autopsy.

EIGHT

Did you tell anybody?

WHITNEY

I told everybody. But she has them all under her spell. People were relieved he was gone!  Less trouble for everybody.  Even my sisters who – neither of them can stand Charmayne  – said, “Well, at least he died happy!” I was the only one who even missed him.  He was already old when we were born, you see. Darby – that’s my oldest sister – said – “Oh, he’d been gone a long time already.  Can’t you see that?” And McKenzie – she’s the other one – said – “Everyone dies “unnaturally” nowadays.  That’s what death is.” I was the only one who thought it was wrong. My dad said the only education worth having is learning to tell right from wrong.

EIGHT

I get it.  You thirst after righteousness.

WHITNEY

Justice.  Justice is what I want. People keep telling me it doesn’t exist.

EIGHT

Are you certain it’s not revenge you’re looking for?

WHITNEY

Well, that would be nice too.  I mean, she makes me so mad. Don’t you feel it?  Wouldn’t anyone? But justice is what I’ll settle for.

EIGHT

It’s a bad situation.

WHITNEY

You don’t know what a relief it is to have someone actually listen to me. I even – one day – I saw him.

EIGHT

You saw him? Your father’s – ghost?

WHITNEY

(Nodding vigorously)

I did.

EIGHT

Was he all about vengeance?

WHITNEY

He didn’t speak.

(Tears up.)

He just showed up in my room at college – probably the same moment she was killing him – and looked at me so sadly.  I knew it was some kind of vision because he was his younger self  – from before he had his stroke.  I thought he was angry at me.  Going away to school and leaving him alone with Charmayne – maybe I let him down.

EIGHT

Hey, you told him not to hire her.  I mean, you were just a kid!   What could you do?

WHITNEY

He admired people who “spoke truth to power”.  He wanted me to be self-sufficient, use logic and hone my own instincts.  She was awful to him!  She made him beg for water.  I saw it.

EIGHT

Sounds like a demon all right.

WHITNEY

“Withholding hydration” they call it. I should have protected him, the way he always protected me. He said I was his intellectual heir.

EIGHT

Are we talking money?

WHITNEY

No, I don’t mean that.  We already had trust funds and things.  What I mean is, he told me I was like him, that I had the same kind of mind. He said knowledge is everything and you have to cultivate a bullshit detector. Even though I was the youngest – me and my sisters have different mothers – he told everyone only I was fit to stand in his shoes.

EIGHT

Well, I’m starting to see why your sisters might not want to cooperate.

WHITNEY

People have to stand up for what they believe!

(Very earnestly.)

                                                EIGHT

You blush when you’re angry.

                                                WHITNEY

I blush whenever there’s another person in the room.  But what do you think I should do?   I’m scared of her.  She threatened me.

EIGHT

How?

WHITNEY

She said I’m nothing and she created everything.  She’ll send me back into the darkness.  She wants to “tell my fortune” so she can predict all the terrible things that are going to happen to me.  When she calls herself Queen of Swords, she tries to sound like she’s Master of the Universe.

EIGHT

Sounds like a con artist to me. They just feel around for anything someone will believe. Don’t let her get the drop on you.

                                                WHITNEY

But what if those cards tell the future?

                                                EIGHT

Tarot’s just another dead language, Whitney. You could learn it if you really wanted to. Language shapes how people think.

(Taps his head)

Don’t meet her on her turf. Predators like their prey frozen.  And confused.

WHITNEY

How did you know my name?

EIGHT

I hang around.  I hear things.

WHITNEY

So, you’re an eavesdropper.

EIGHT

Treasure seekers are serendipitous. We pick up what we can find.

WHITNEY

Well, you can’t pick me up.

EIGHT

(Still working his stretch of beach)

I wouldn’t dream of it.

WHITNEY

(not thrilled to hear this)

But what if she really is magic? It seems that way sometimes.  I don’t know how to stand up to her.

EIGHT

Don’t sideline yourself so quick. You’re here, aren’t you? A person who can see the dead can do anything. Magic’s a game and anyone can play.  Games are about rule-making – about control – gaining advantage on somebody, Whit.

WHITNEY

My father said never to play a game that’s rigged.

EIGHT

What if its rigged in your favor?  And this one is. You know what happens to murderers?

WHITNEY

I’m hoping they get caught.

EIGHT

The truth will out.

WHITNEY

(Looking nervously up at the house)

Charmayne thinks she’s indestructible.

EIGHT

Wow.  Sounds like a dare. I’m partial to dares myself.

WHITNEY

She says anything anybody tries to do to her comes back on them a million times. That it’s pointless to fight her.  But I’m not giving up. You see why (looks at the tooth) I might need all the magic I can get?

EIGHT

Make her play your game.

WHITNEY

I’d love to see that!  What do I do?  Exactly?

EIGHT

Today’s your lucky day.  I just happen to know some magic.

WHITNEY

Is that part of being a treasure seeker?

EIGHT

Sure. First, you master the elements. That’s way bigger magic than flipping cards and cutting off old men’s hydration.

WHITNEY

(Skeptical)

So how’d you that?

EIGHT

I’ve been swept out to sea. I’ve been buried in sand and I’ve been frozen in snow.

WHITNEY

We’re going to need way bigger magic than that.

EIGHT

See this mark on the top of my head?

WHITNEY

(Rubbing his head)

Looks like scars!  Where did they come from?

EIGHT

I had a demon of my own. Once.

WHITNEY

You did?

EIGHT

Yeah, and he was hard to destroy.  Took a piece out of me, I can tell you.  He marked me right here.

WHITNEY

(Very hopeful)

Did you mark him?

EIGHT

I told you I destroyed him. And then I marked myself.

(Opens his Hawaiian shirt to show tattoo)

WHITNEY

(Reading)

“Be not Afraid.”  How’s that help anything?

EIGHT

It’s a reminder.

WHITNEY

But you defeated him?

EIGHT

Sure did.  He’s locked in a box and he’ll never get out. That’s what sent me wandering.

WHITNEY

How come?

EIGHT

Because every action produces an opposite reaction.  He’s static, I’m in motion.  Searching.

WHITNEY

But if he’s still alive…can’t he still hurt you?

EIGHT

No.  He’s lost all his power.  But I did have to take control.  And I had to work on setting myself free.

WHITNEY

(Flouncing down onto the beach)

I’d rather just kill her.  Serve her right.

EIGHT

No, no; don’t give her that. That’s what she wants.

WHITNEY

Trust me, that is NOT what she WANTS.

EIGHT

(Nodding vigorously)

Trust ME, it is.  She’s hoping to turn you into HER.  She’d have a new young life, a new young body.  I’m not sure anyone could rescue you then.

WHITNEY

So tell me what you think I should I do.

EIGHT

Play it by the Bible.  You’ve got to call a demon by its name.

WHITNEY

(Unimpressed)

Really? The Bible?  That’s all you’ve got?

EIGHT

Hey, the Bible’s full of demons.

WHITNEY

So how do I learn her name? Tell me.

EIGHT

You said she had a fake everything. If that fake résumé still exists.  I’d start there.

WHITNEY

(Arms crossed)

She probably destroyed every copy.  Then what?

EIGHT

Don’t be a “yes, but”.  You know she’s got secrets.  The past’s the best predictor of the future. Find out her past and make sure she knows you know.  Believe me, suddenly she’ll find you the most interesting person on the planet.

WHITNEY

Why’s that?

EIGHT

Because here’s the secret.  Demons long to be revealed.   If she invites you to dance –

(Does a little dance, waltzing the metal detector)

Dance with her.  Then – suddenly, at the time of your choosing you – step aside.

WHITNEY

Step aside?

EIGHT

(Involving her in his dance)

Step aside. Let her own momentum bring her down.

WHITNEY

(Very frustrated, dancing like she has two left feet)

I‘ll never get it.

EIGHT

First you have to tell your own fortune. Then you tell hers.

(Heads off down the beach while she’s thinking about it)

WHITNEY

She’ll try to put ideas in my head!

EIGHT

But if she’s a demon, your ideas are stronger than her ideas.

WHITNEY

You don’t know how persuasive she can be.

EIGHT

(From the end of the beach)

Oh, I know.

WHITNEY

Wait!  Where are you going?

EIGHT

I’ve got to get moving.  I only found one treasure here.

WHITNEY

And you gave it away.

EIGHT

(Looking at her meaningfully)

That’s not the one I mean.

(Resumes his quest)

WHITNEY

Wait, wait!  Give me your phone number!

(Pulls out her phone)

EIGHT

I don’t use those things.

WHITNEY

But where can I find you? When will I see you again?

EIGHT

Don’t worry.  I’m always around. I like this beach.

(Exits)

June 19, 2024
Queen of Swords – the Tarot Play by Alysse Aallyn
CHARACTERS (4)
Charmayne: a beautiful, powerful woman just at the drop off point into middle age
Whitney: a stubborn, determined girl on the cusp of adulthood who doesn’t give a damn about her looks
Eight: mysterious male beachcomber, late 20’s
The Guardians of the Past: (can be played by a single actor)
Dr Quantreau: elderly male in fishing regalia
Mrs. Preece: bug-eyed, spry, elderly woman
Mr. Butterbatch: an old man leaning on his broom; a fount of knowledge
Mrs. Davish: motherly, grave-tending woman

SCENES:
1. A “beach cottage” exterior in the Hamptons & beach
2. The basement “stacks” of a community college library
3. Hamptons beach
4. Empty strip club “Guilty Pleasures” in the early morning
5. Hamptons
6. Dead Lake Cemetery
  - SCENE 1
    (Morning. The seaside. Corner of a Hamptons-type “cottage”, boulder, hammock, patio set, easy chair, beachplum. WHITNEY forcefully banging on the door.)
  - WHITNEY
    This is MY story and she DOESN’T get to tell it! Charmayne!! Charmayne!!
  - (Through the French windows above the front door we see a man and a woman waltzing together. CHARMAYNE, expensively dressed for glittering “sport” opens the doors and leans out over the balcony. Man hovers in background. All we can see of him is his lithe figure, a glitter of gold necklaces and a shirt open to the navel. )
  - CHARMAYNE
    Go away little Whitney. Can’t you see its time for my fencing lesson?
  - (Making cha-cha moves)
  - WHITNEY
    Is that what you call it?
  - CHARMAYNE
    That’s what everyone calls it. You’d do well to engage in a little exercise plan of your own.
  - (WHITNEY resumes hammering on door which CHARMAYNE eventually opens carrying a pair of old-fashioned sabers, one in each hand. Door closes behind so WHITNEY can’t see in)
  - CHARMAYNE
    (Swinging the swords in her hands)
  - Really, Whitney. Hasn’t anyone ever told you how unattractive it is to make a pest out of yourself?
  - WHITNEY
    Why can’t I go in?
  - CHARMAYNE
    (Briskly)
    Because it’s my house now, Whitney. I don’t want you to see it till it’s done. It’s going to be a work of art. This morning I had the carpet men; this afternoon I had the drapery men, and this evening…(sniffs the air)
  - WHITNEY
    That’s a lot of men.
  - CHARMAYNE
    One shouldn’t be afraid of these things, Whitney. And this evening… Who knows what the evening holds? En garde!
  - (She treats WHITNEY to a frightening display of swordswomanship. WHITNEY tries to remain calm)
  - WHITNEY
    I didn’t come to see your games.
  - CHARMAYNE
    These aren’t games, poor little Whitney, these are the skills of life. Look! I’ll show you a few moves!
  - (Tosses a saber at WHITNEY who ducks – it clatters away.)
    Oh, Whitney, you’re no fun. You really need to step more boldly in the world.
WHITNEY
(A little sad, childishly punctured. She’s easy game)

I’m here, aren’t I? I like fishing. And skeet shooting.

CHARMAYNE
Both of those can be done from an easy chair! Where’s the challenge in that? Why not crouch in a dark basement under a garden hose waiting for rats to skitter past if that’s all you’re going to do.

WHITNEY
Seriously, when am I going to see inside? I just wondered…you know, about the family things…

CHARMAYNE
There are no family things I like everything new. Antiques are a fraud perpetrated on the unwary. Don’t you remember we agreed you’d give me twenty-four hours notice before showing up?

WHITNEY
I doubt we ever agreed about anything.

CHARMAYNE
I’m afraid your lack of planning doesn’t constitute my emergency.

WHITNEY
I’m giving you twenty-four hours notice now, then.

CHARMAYNE
I’m so sorry, no can do tomorrow. How about Thursday?

WHITNEY
(Like she’s never heard of it)

Thursday!!

CHARMAYNE
(Silky)

Do try to squeeze it in. Young people fetishize spontaneity. When you’re all grown up I’m sure you’ll realize everything worth having comes through careful planning. Shall we say “tea?” Cinq à sept is my favorite hour. Ta ta, then.

(Disappears without waiting for the response.)
June 18, 2024
Writing a novel for class – a memoir by Alysse Aallyn

THE PINCH OF DEATH – Writing a novel for class

After my fiancé graduated law school in Kentucky, we came East – where our families lived – to get married. I applied to Brooklyn College for the MFA program and was hired as a writing fellow. What followed was an experience so discouraging I can well understand why graduate students are at a high risk of suicide.

First, there’s the contrast between the high prestige of the position and the pitiable pay. You could literally make more money (and spend the same amount of time) combing the subway for lost change.

Next, there’s the “job” they want you to do, which is to prepare seriously undereducated freshman to write an essay justifying their admission into the hallowed world of academe.

I had fun developing my own syllabus, which was basically teaching critical thinking in the most fun way I could possibly imagine. A teacher “reviewer” who came to watch the class wrote me a rave review – I don’t think anyone in my life has ever praised me as much as he did. I still cherish that evaluation. But don’t get excited – the second guy (months later) disparaged me so much that if you add the two reviews together I think you’d have to give me a sad C-. But at that point, They Knew About Me – that I had no college degree -and so they were trying to get rid of me. Really, you can’t blame them – how could I prepare students to get something I didn’t have myself? And what – you may ask – was wrong with MY thinking and reasoning powers that I had not expected this?

The truth is, I had flouted “rules” all my life – they always seemed ridiculous – and because I was a “rara avis” I usually got away with it. But clearly, this could not continue. Much chastened by my brush with the universe (which represented itself as “sanity”) I did go ahead and get a BA degree in psychology from LaSalle. I even got half a masters under my belt from Springfield College until I saw that it was useless.

But back to Brooklyn. There were classes I took, of course, in WRITING – which was my absorbing interest and passion. I kept the fact that I had actually published a novel a secret because the class expressed such a tragic belief that being published was their deepest desire and most desperate and holy quest. I knew that it was the writing of the book itself – finding the subject AND the expression that was your spiritual release into the world – that was the most important absorbing and exciting. My first book was written to specifications – what was “popular” – under the ingenuous theory that I would develop important publishing relationships (my editor lost her job, my company bought out and revamped.) You could hardly brag about an experience like that.

For my class on the Novel I decided to write a novel. I thought it would be fun. If you wrote a chapter every week you would have a novel at the end.

One of my classmates was an ex-nun – a most interesting person – whose experiences strongly affected me. I effortlessly adapted her into my heroine, because my book was a mystery. Surely these are the easiest to write – they must evolve according to a plan. You have to introduce the problem, then the suspects, give clues, and make the reader care about the outcome. I had an idea it would be less emotional than my first book, which got bogged down into a bizarre love story about a fatherless girl pathetically seeking mentorship. THIS book would be all business.

I got such massive pushback from the class I’m kind of surprised I went through with it – but I was enjoying the writing and the characters were alive to me. “Criticism” in class was students laboriously reading each others’ work, describing its emotional effect on them and describing different ways things could be said. The forward motion of a novel – the sweep, the assumption of power – was thereby utterly dissipated. Everyone just rewrote the first chapters of different books endlessly. So it shouldn’t have been called “Novel Writing”, it should have been called “Paragraph Writing” – a class I wouldn’t take.

This teacher and I butted heads on all kinds of issues. First off, he said great writing couldn’t have a “happy ending.” I saw his point but I thought it shallow. Surely completion of a quest – solving a mystery – is an enormous relief. But mysteries aren’t serious writing, he insisted. (Uh oh. Since I was engaged on one.) Well, what about the Odyssey? Jane Austen? {Probably Tom Jones, if I could recall the ending.)

MODERN literature!! He insisted. We can’t have happy endings anymore!

That was when I realized the whole thing was bogus. If I was bogus, they were even more bogus. I was eight months’ pregnant at the time and this man’s feeble philosophy defied the spinning of the planets, the arrival of spring, the creation of Life itself. What a silly fellow.

I finished Pinch of Death, and still reread it with pleasure, A very charming book.

June 16, 2024