Alysse Aallyn

Category: Confessions

  • Purrsiflage – Today’s Zen for Your Inner Kitten with Alysse Aallyn

    Feb 22

    The Multiverse Runs on This Super-fuel – Do-overs. Clearing the slate completely. Letting go. Accepting fresh creation and creating freshly.

    We All Need to Forgive… and be Forgiven. We transgress again and again against our own hearts, our own souls, and the heart and soul of the universe. It is the essential state of being human, and Purrsons do not reject their humanity by encompassing our cat-like qualities. We intensify it.

    How Can We Go Back? Doesn’t forgiveness involve repair? Where can we go to trace exactly what went wrong? 

    Do you Dream of Home?  Often we dream of a home that no longer exists, or never existed. “Home” represents the state of psychic absolution where all mistakes are forgiven and forgotten.

    Purrsons Create the Future – We must commit to the ultimate compassion that we are all in this together. Jesus suggests that understanding doesn’t arrive until we learn to be the “forgivers”. Obviously, this means we must learn – somehow – to forgive ourselves.

    Purrsons Create Heaven – Such forgiveness helps us achieve the state of spiritual lightness that allows a Purrson to float through time, history, even the multiverse.

    Purrsons Are at Home in the World – What’s your “dream home”? A Purrson’s training emphasizes understanding and managing the fragility of the human body and the objective world, and accepting our healing and unifying mandate. Once we have scoped out the terrain and the inhabitants, Purrsons are at “home” anywhere.

    Purrsons are About Justice – But not the kind that leaves more brokenness behind. Purrsons achievements and physical selves display the triumph of thought, will and love.

    What Does It Mean to “Start Over”? – We don’t wish to be free of “consequences”. We want to learn and grow from our mistakes but not be humiliated and punished for them. Pretending consequences didn’t happen doesn’t free us. Seeing our mistakes as moves in a dance we are all contributing to frees us from painful rumination and helps escape and explain the prison of blame. “I did this because you …”  Cats live in the Now. Human interactions are a tar-pit in which we trap and tar ourselves. We realize we need to forgive every chain in the event pattern if we are ever to have any peace.

    It’s All About You – Robert Frost defines “home” as a place where, when you show up, they have to take you in. Defining “they” defines your group, your original home. Philosophy may provide an answer. Buddhists see history as a circle, Christians as a spiral. The question for Christians is, which direction is the spiral headed and do we have time to learn what we need to know before there’s a cataclysm?  Can you define the mess we’re in and intuit your behavioral contribution? Is it possible to detach from the mess? In what group – or even in what “moment” can you detach from the mess?

    Purrsons’ Danger – We can’t afford to get mixed up about right and wrong. “By their fruits shall you know them.” Think it through. One avenue leads to health, dignity and growth; the other leads in the opposite direction.  Don’t make the mistake of “fundamental attribution error”. The threat is NOT coming from inside the house. Martin Luther King Jr. made the wise comment that our specific brand of capitalism tends toward is “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the rest of us.” It certainly suits corporations to lecture their employees on building a better world without incorporating any of those ideas into the bigger picture, where we personally have no control while they demand absolute freedom to do whatever whimsy directs.

    What Is the Bigger Picture? Health and safety for all living things to achieve their growth potential as part of a harmonious, non-exploitative whole. It is key that our resistance – which is necessary and life-giving – not embitter us.

    Forgiveness Is Our Armor – Forgiveness doesn’t require ignoring the past or accepting bad behavior. It’s part of an interaction where forgiveness is a request, not a demand. Usually there is a recognition of fault or an expression of remorse: “I’ll never do that again!” When the requesting party instead seeks permission for the suffering to continue, “I can’t change – that’s the way I am” — that’ a different request. “Home” is not re-created that way. Hell is. Your opportunity is to point this out – if necessary, (because of safety) only to yourself. “If I’m not willing to try giving up my participation in this suffering because I think I’m not able to, then this pattern will continually get worse.” Time to construct a better – more intelligent map.

    Models & Mentors – “It’s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it’s a powerful place, because it frees you” – Tyler Perry

    “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world”

    – Marianne Williamson

    “The weak can’t forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong” – Mahatma Gandhi

    “To forgive one another, we must understand one another” – Emma Goldman

    “Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. It liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself” – T.D. Jakes

  • Purrsiflage – Today’s Zen for Your Inner Cat with Alysse Aallyn

    Feb 14

    Today the Universe Alerts You – You have a legal issue. Do you have a secret life? Most people do and Purrsons definitely do, because we contain multiples. Are you a bit of an alley cat? Have you been stepping over lines in public or private? Remember, lawbreakers break themselves.

    Do You Dream of Judges? Lawyers? Court? Are you obsessed with TV programs about justice? When justice is delayed or denied, do you obsess about that? Have you been feeling unjustly punished? Do you envy or rage against those who have “gotten away with something”?

    Purrson’s Desire for Justice is Hardwired – Just as our desire for freedom is factory installed, so is our demand for fairness. Do you envy or rage against those who have “gotten away with something”?  Think: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” In my view, the mere concept of Complete Justice is heaven enough. We are repeatedly warned that it won’t ever match our earthly ideologies, that we are children scrapping in a sandbox who haven’t noticed, much less comprehended, the real issues.

    What Is Our Armor? – What laws resonate with you? Do you believe in karma? How would you define it? What laws make you angry? Which laws would you modify? What is your attitude towards the police – protectors of order or agents of mayhem? Dick Nixon was famous for talking endlessly about “restoring law and order” until just before he was forced to resign because of multiple crimes. Many Trump followers insist everything Trump has done is “justified because Democrats are worse.” Is this a race to the bottom? Where’s the off-ramp?

    Purrson Danger – “Judge not lest ye be judged” is a scary proposition. How would we come off if our standards were used against us? Come to think of it, what are our standards? Are they fluid? Flexible? Jesus also said the “letter” i.e. “written rule” KILLS. That it’s the “spirit that gives life.”

    Law Is Our Armor – Purrsons dream of a “spirit-filled” Law. Maybe you wanted to go to Law School but life intervened. It’s never too late to study any subject that’s close to our heart. We become Purrsons because we wish for heroes; I think that’s the sole reason for the wild popularity of the Marvel movie series.

    Do You Admire Heroes Because They Break the Rules, or because they uphold them? We acknowledge the need for rules, but how can we make sure they’re “spirit-filled”?  In what areas of your life are you too rigid? In which are you too flexible? Imagine yourself speaking in court, making a case for yourself. What arguments would you give? Ask your dreams to start imagining a Justice World. How would it look?

    Models & Mentors – “Law is not law if it violates the principles of eternal justice” – Lydia Maria Child

    “The only stable state is one where all are equal before the law” – Aristotle

    “Law is the public conscience” – Thomas Hobbes

    ‘Able in argument, accurate in analysis, strict in study, candid with clients and honest with adversaries, today I shall not, to win a point, lose my soul” – St. Thomas More

    “If we desire respect for the law, we must make law respectable” – Louis D. Brandeis

  • #DreamTherapy – Dream Journaling with Alysse Aallyn

    Dependency – Do you dream of abandonment? Ruined gardens? Clinging vines? Are you afraid of being alone? In our dreams, we are reminded of all of the unpleasant aspects of needing others’ constant support in order to function. The clinging vine can’t stand up by itself, it needs an immoveable shoulder to cling to. We Americans prefer the fantasy of independence and self-determination. It’s just too threatening to imagine what might happen if the wall we’ve been clinging to ever comes down.

    No One Stands Alone – The truth is, we’re all in this together. Billionaires, leaders, CEO’s, all actually need more support than we do. So it’s time to divest of pointless shame and acknowledge the truth that humans are, for good and ill, social creatures. Open your Dream Journal and take a good look at your dependencies. Are there any that are no longer serving you? How about those who depend on you? How many are burdens? What pleasures and meanings make those burdens lighter?

    Challenge – The more we cling to a fantasy of who we are, the less we can see the true reality. List your actions for just one day and look at them in terms of ”dependencies” – bank, mail system, social security? Vehicle, gas availability, fuel affordability? Grocery stores, restaurants, our own two ambulatory feet? Weather, peace, law enforcement?

    Danger – Refusing to recognize the fragility of these systems is one danger; the ruthlessness confronting our fear creates is another. We are accustomed to the American need to muster a personal armory just in case the daily struggle for existence becomes a shoot-out; imagine the long-term effects THAT fantasy will have.

    Challenge – How can we free ourselves? What could we do to claim more psychic and physical independence? Mormons require a “year’s worth” of canned goods in the basement, the rest of us recognize the need for an emergency savings account. We are beginning to understand how a threatened supply chain can snap. Begin imagining some future failure scenarios and hash out the possibilities; if the elevator fails, is it possible to take the stairs? Your dream life will reward you with a lessening of existential anxiety.

    Models & Mentors – “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm” – Alysse Aallyn

    “Fear is the memory of pain. Addiction is the memory of pleasure. Freedom is beyond both.” – Anonymous

    “Don’t work harder on someone else’s problems than they do”

    – Ross Rosenberg

    “Enjoy togetherness but allow space. Respect differing beliefs. Accept, don’t try to change each other. Appreciate the other, but always be prepared to survive alone” – Darlene Lancer

    Mantra – “I can”

    Meditation –

    #Haiku: The Clinging Vine

    Lean too hard we’ll
    Fall together
    Allow freedom, we’re both
    Supported

  • Becoming a Goddess -the Goddess Oracle by Alysse Aallyn

    Loss – Suffering –

    Do Goddesses Suffer? – Lesser mortals are under the impression that Goddessing is about permanent smug satiety. The opposite is true. All Goddess emotions are magnified. You are hurting. If you can no longer feel pain, you are numb.

    Even Goddesses Hurt – We see the magnitude of the suffering around us. Every religion and philosophical system must account for this misery; storms, flood, volcanos, disease, human frustration as well as animal (and human) predation.

    Goddesses Get Used to Loss – Goddess dreams are magnified as they explore inner and outer pain.  All fear, anxiety, terrible memories erupt out of the collective unconscious – our shared human history – and are laid at our feet. There is no universe where all these tears can be dried at once, there is only Eternity where we have been assured that “Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” How do Goddesses educate ourselves to surf this intolerable dilemma?

    Pain is Joy’s Shadow – Joy is an excess of feeling and so is suffering. When we long to “numb out”, we numb everything. If we live our lives in fear, we avoid the potential excitement of holding our breath on the edge of discovery. Compassion elevates those we love to eternity.

    Goddesses Dare to Feel it All.  Bravely we take on the feelings of the entire planet to show that we can’t be destroyed by them. Goddesses explore and expand the edges of perception and assessment. Philosophical coping mechanisms can be Buddhist – “It’s all illusion”;“ Practice taming the wild mind”; or religious –  “Suffering brings us closer to God in developing compassion for all creation” and “Birth pangs are necessary to bring new life.” Any way we can keep our mind and soul responsive and deepening benefits the whole planet.

    Don’t Surrender to Learned Helplessness – Too much suffering breeds inertia. There is danger in giving up even trying to better our human situation – predators will be attracted to such easy prey.  The worst outcome would be to surrender enlightenment by becoming predators ourselves, bragging to the godless that we are the new potentates. Cruelty breeds endless cruelty and our claim on immortality is cancelled. There must be a way to step off this treadmill – there’s enough suffering going around without  manufacturing more.

    Goddesses Dare to Frees the Universe – Imagination itself comes from discomfort, even misery. We see a need to expand our mental repertoire, to magically increase the very dimensions of thought that seem to imprison us. As a species we have broken through karmic debt many times. Further epiphanies await.

    Models & Mentors – “You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered”

    – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

    “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”

    – A.A. Milne

    “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can suffer such deep sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heal them”

    – Leo Tolstoy

    “What we once loved we can never lose for it becomes a part of us” – Helen Keller

    “Death is not the greatest loss in life, the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live”  – Norman Cousins

    #Haiku: Profit/Loss Analysis

    Does autumn lose summer

    Warmth or

    Gain snow-blanket?

    Peonies decide.

  • Animus – a ghost story by Alysse Aallyn

    TWO – THE OLD CHASE PLACE

    When I discovered one house on the list was haunted I gave the real estate agent no rest until he took me there. Honestly I had to do that man’s job for him. It was raining so heavily that morning that his car was like a bathysphere.

    “I want to at least look at it. Cheer up; if there are leaks we’re sure to see them.”

    “That’s it.” The agent still seemed very depressed as he reached for his golf umbrella. “It’s been empty fourteen years. No modernization whatever.”

    Better and better. The bathrooms and kitchens I’d been seeing were like lip-sticked hogs in toe- shoes. There might even be original paneling. Peering out of the window I could see nothing through the darkening rain. “What’s it haunted by?”

    I saw his wattles quiver in battle with his chin. Was I interfering with the real estate agent’s code?

    “Various things.” Unadroitly he tried changing the subject and actually selling. “It has a view of the river. And it’s a real bargain.”

    “Like what things?” Not reaching for my own umbrella or putting up my hood might tempt disclosure. I saw him wondering he could talk me out of going further.

    (Sigh) “Oswald Pewlett saw a fireball.”

    I was entranced! Had he searched his memory for the spectre least likely to queer a deal? “There

    was a fire?”

    He hastened to reassure. “A green fire.cold fire that doesn’t burn.”

    A Delicious! I had to see it now! I pulled

    galoshes over my ivory heels. “Let’s go!”

    Perched above the road, the house was reached by a corkscrew of steps. The porch was an addition, so it was full of leaks, but the house was solid as a rock. Silent. High ceilinged. Original paneling. One bathroom for seven bedrooms, a marvelous thirties kitchen with no appliances, and a single light bulb in the exact center of every ceiling. This could be fun.

    The real estate agent ensconced himself by the library window with its view of the river and refused to go upstairs. “I’ve seen it,” he said, pulling his fishing hat down over his ears as if assaulted by inner rain.

    Upstairs there was no fireball, but the floors were littered with little glittery shards that turned out to be flies’ wings. No flies, mind you, only their wings. Thrifty spiders, I suppose who dine on all but isinglass. Is that how fairy legends started, I wondered. Fairy wings and flies’ wings – hard to tell the difference. I’m on the side of spiders. They can have all the flies they want.

    And that’s how I bought The Old Chase Place.

    THREE – DELIVER US

    I should never have told Arnold the place was haunted, but I couldn’t resist bragging. “It has everything,” I sang.

    “Air-conditioning too, so it seems,” he groused. He was always out to ruin my good time.

    “That’s just the wind off the river. A natural chill factor. And real oak, too.”

    “I’m not complaining.” He couldn’t help but warm to so much wood. In the city everything is “faux”. Alas the rooms were rather small, and in strange juxtaposition. Not a rich man’s house, you wouldn’t say, but perhaps the warren of a worrier.

    “This will be my study,” said Arnold. He chose the one room in the house that still had a working fireplace – the others had been fitted with hideous stovepipes. But I didn’t argue, because at last he was smiling.

    We were having a picnic lunch when the Sears truck drove up with the appliances. I didn’t see the accident because in my condition, meals are serious events. If I’m going to spend all morning nauseated then I’m going to spend all afternoon eating. (And all evening sleeping it off.) So when Arnold rose to show the hirelings what a forceful homeowner he could be, I pulled the fried chicken bucket closer.

    When I heard a crunch and a hoarse cry I did run to the window. The ramp had fallen off the steps, tossing the refrigerator and pinning a delivery man. His mouth was open – I could see blood – and he was gasping for air. He reminded me of the fish my uncle caught on his

    many unsporting ventures into the wild. He loved watching creatures die. He once presented me with a still- beating fish heart, saying, “It’s only the stupidest that go on living after they are really dead.” The fish, the headless running chickens — I guess the joke was on them, if they didn’t know they were dead. But the delivery man was not dead; we all affirmed the fact.

    There was a flurry of activity while the driver jumped into the truck to call for help – we didn’t have a phone yet and cell phones don’t work out here. The fire and rescue truck arrived after about ten minutes to take over. Arnold had to help the second delivery man move in the appliance. “Get a camera,” he hissed.

    He wanted me to take pictures of the ramp and the steps to show, although our porch was in sorry condition, it was the ramp anchoring that was at fault (them) and not the steps (us). That’s because it’s so important in life to figure out whose fault everything is.

    “He’ll be all right,” I offered. “He had a lot of meat on him.”

    “Jesus, Sharl,” said Arnold, “I heard his bones go crunch.” And that was the end of that picnic.

    At least I had a brand new oven, refrigerator, dishwasher and washer/dryer. I went back to applying the coat of dark green paint to make the room picture-perfect. Hunter green for Hunter (boy or girl); a super-infant guaranteed to make all his mother’s dreams come true.

  • Animus – a ghost story by Alysse Aallyn

    Animus ONE – DEAD & BURIED


    Andrew looked up from the Food section of the Sunday Times. “Did he jump out of his coffin and give everybody the finger?”


    “No.” I sat down on a Brazilian leather cube impersonating a chair. “He left me a lot of money.”


    That made Arnold sit up straight. Finally I had produced something worthy to compete with three- melon risotto. “How much?”


    “A lot.” Two beats. “All of it.”


    I hadn’t seen Arnold this excited in a long time. “This is the uncle we never once went to visit, even though he only lived in New Rochelle?”


    “He’s the one.”


    “And there are a lot of other relatives…” I saw the penny drop. “Is this the same guy who used to feel you up when you were little?”


    “He’s the one.”


    Arnold whistled. “Wow!” he said, “Break out the champagne! Let’s drink to old fashioned Calvinist
    guilt!”

    But I couldn’t drink. “There’s an unpaid

    housekeeper who says she’ll sue.” I tried dismissing that

    ugly scene from my mind. But ugly scenes don’t go so
    easily.


    “Screw her,” he laughed, “Doubtless the old man did. To the one who got away!” he snorkled. “With…” drum-roll on the glass coffee table… “all the money!”


    “I could split it with her,” I said thoughtfully. “Except that I need it all.” And if I divorced Arnold, I’d have to split it with him.


    His eyes narrowed over my unusual decisiveness. “Sounds like you’ve made a plan.”


    “I have. I’m pregnant and I’m moving.”


    He rose to pursue me to the kitchen. I was the pursued one now.


    “Rich? Pregnant? Moving?” He banged his palm against his chest. “It’s a lot to handle for one afternoon. Where are you going, oh helpmeet?”


    “Upstate. The country.” There was no champagne. Of course not. There had been nothing to celebrate for so, so long. I poured us each an apple juice. “You could come with.” Two beats. “But you’d have to give up your girlfriend.”


    Surprise! I saw him try to toss it off and keep on dancing. “What’s that? Getting jealous are we? Symptomatic of your condition?”


    “Gayle.” I leaned forward, giving back the name. “She sent me such a charming letter.” In which she stated her utter non-comprehension of why the moody bitch wouldn’t just step aside and let the poor, kind,
    considerate man go free. Ugh. Apple juice is disgustingly sweet. I’ve never understood how adults can covet the provinces of children. Poor little sugar addicts, they are ruined before they start. I tried adding powdered tea from a mix. Still bad. The no-liquor lifestyle is a tough sell.


    He was sputtering like a damp firecracker. But it was not Arnold’s turn to speak.


    “Screwing students is the beginning of the end for a teacher. You’re lucky she notified me and not the superintendent.”


    Unfortunately I could always read Arnold’s mind. He really needs to get some more interesting thoughts. I saw him deciding he’d better stop aimless denial until confronted with the evidence against him.


    “Why upstate?” he bartered, testing me. “Why not, say, Europe?”


    “Because,” I answered, “I like to get something for my money.” That alone made me my uncle’s worthy heir. Glittering silver dollars lit the darkened rooms of memory. I persisted — for I’m nothing if not persistent — “Haven’t you heard of the curse of the lottery winner? They spend it all and then some. I want a property I can buy outright – debt-free.” Wouldn’t it be heaven owing nobody nothing?


    He toddled toward the window on his be- jeaned insect legs. He looks much better in big-boy pants. Was he trying to imagine life without me? Or without New York? So I sealed the deal with a siren song. “You could finish your screenplay…”

  • Rough Sleep – a play by Alysse Aallyn

    (At Hadleigh Hall, a body lies under a tarp)

    SOLIZ

    They’re not letting anyone in. Do you know who lives in Room 824?

    JAZZ

    Actually, I live there.

    SOLIZ

    Oh, you do, do you? Well, some guy fell out your window.

    JAZZ

    Just like your dream!

    SOLIZ

    (threateningly)

    I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    CHASE

    Some guy? Who?

    SOLIZ

    Unidentified.  You can’t see him, he’s under a tent.

    CHASE

    Can’t Jazz collect her stuff?

    SOLIZ

    Come back later. It’s chaos over there.

    (SOLIZ frees them from tape; JAZZ and CHASE lurch off downstage)

    JAZZ

    This is Soliz’s dream. I remember if she doesn’t.

                               CHASE

    Except this was a guy.

    JAZZ

    Let’s hope it was Bex.

    CHASE

    So now you’re pro-violence?

    JAZZ

    Who’s saying I pushed him? It would be so unlike me.

    CHASE

    So, no going home for you.

    JAZZ

    Hadleigh was never my home.

    CHASE

    Well, you can camp out at my place while we figure out what to do with this new corpse.

    JAZZ

    Makes me harder for Bex to find. On the other hand when he does, he’ll just get madder.

    CHASE

    We’ve got enough problems without worrying about satisfying his unsatisfiable psyche. We’ve got three dead bodies!

    JAZZ

    And God knows how many crime scenes. Explain exactly why soulmating requires detective work?

    CHASE

    Maybe nature is one big crime scene. Red of tooth and claw.

    JAZZ

    You and your classical education.

                               CHASE

    Voilã! Here we are at my place.  

    SCENE VIII – Lights go up on CHASE’S APT – disheveled male bedroom/kitchenette

    JAZZ

    This is definitely a crime scene.

    (Throws herself into a low-slung chair)

    CHASE

    (Sitting close)

    You expected harp music? Hey, you admitted your life was a crime scene too. 

    JAZZ

    I guess I thought the point of soulmates is all the hard work would be magically be done.

    CHASE

    So no going over the past trying to understand and explain the mess? Wouldn’t that be nice!

    JAZZ

    Why can’t we just escape the mess?  The mess would no longer matter. We could rise above the mess.

    CHASE

    Your fantasy forgets about the demons. If we’ve unleashed demons –

    JAZZ

    Who’s to say we unleashed them?  I’m not responsible for Bex.

    CHASE

    Yet he’s out there, rampaging. At least I know I’m responsible for Corso.

    JAZZ

    But Corso’s using your involvement to keep his rampage going. Oh. Touché. I see what you mean.

    CHASE

    We’re dissociating. Living each other’s nightmares.

    JAZZ

    At least we’re braving hell together.

    (they touch hands) 

    CHASE

    If it’s purgatory, graduation’s a possibility.

    JAZZ

    We’re on a multiple universe scavenger hunt! 

    CHASE

    A time and space jigsaw puzzle!

    JAZZ

    We need to get to the crime scene before the crime happens.

    CHASE

    How would we know it was a crime scene?

    JAZZ

    Tell me what you know. What Corso did to you.

    CHASE

    God! You know I don’t want to talk about it.

                               JAZZ

    What specifically are you afraid will happen if you talk about it?

    CHASE

    That this whole thing would shatter right in front of me. I would wreck – whatever this is happening between us.

    JAZZ

    Maybe we’re meant to reveal, not repair, each other’s real selves.

    CHASE

    Let’s talk about your fears and malfeasance. That’s more fun for me.

    JAZZ

    Somebody increased power by sucking out ours. We’re going to reclaim it. Tell your soulmate what Dr. Corso did to you. 

    CHASE

    If you know, aren’t you ruined too? How can I stay with someone who knows this disgusting thing about me?

    JAZZ

    I guess we’ll just have to see.  We need to free ourselves to be with each other. 

    CHASE

    But there’s the difference, right there – you left Bex,  I pursued Corso. I came after him. 

    JAZZ

    You are so competitive. If you need to be “worst”, prove it.

    CHASE

    He was a teacher at my choir school. Latin, of all things. We spent an eternity on the Aeneid. God, I hate talking about this. I haven’t talked about it since I was fifteen, with the lawyers and judges.

    JAZZ

    He molested you?

    CHASE

    Between my ninth and thirteenth years. He had a way of making us compete to be “the favorite”. If you could just get on that easy street, life became golden. Finally I saw what a prisoner I was. Mustered up the courage to get the hell out of there.

    JAZZ

    Jesus.

    CHASE

    Great pillow talk, huh?  And that’s not the worst of it.

    JAZZ

    How could it get worse?

    CHASE

    I brought him other boys.  Whatever he wanted.

    JAZZ

    You were a kid.  None of this could possibly be your fault.

    CHASE

    Yet here I am. Still a slave.

    JAZZ

    But you found your soulmate.

    (They hug)

    How did it end?

    CHASE

    It hasn’t ended. I mean, the sex thing ended when Corso met my sister – my twin sister – and decided he was ready to branch out. He was like, deliver her or else.  That woke me up. I went home and refused to go back to school.  I finally told my parents.

    JAZZ

    And?

    CHASE

    They pretty much behaved the worst they possibly could.  First, they didn’t believe me. My dad has always been a total bastard making fun of me for singing in a high voice and wearing a lace collar and Mom was sort of a “the church can do no wrong” nut. You know, like, who are you going to believe, a priest or your own lying eyes?  They just couldn’t take it in.  But then a kid at school hanged himself and things started to snowball. Corso got kicked out. People started suing. My dad smelled a payday. The other families accepted settlements not to squeal. Everybody settled except my father. He was holding out for the Big Money that was going to make all his dreams come true.

    JAZZ

    Then what?

    CHASE

    What always happens with my Dad.  He was having such a good  time holding the whip, he waited too long. The minute I turned sixteen, I got legally emancipated. I could prove that Dad was hitting me – I had the sense to record him – so the judge refused to give Dad the cash. Dad declared bankruptcy and I finished high school on my own. Living at the Y.

    (Restless pacing)

    So on top of everything else, I’m singlehandedly responsible for the destruction of my family.

    JAZZ

    Scapegoating. People need someone to blame, it’s another form of hostage-taking. This isn’t your fault.  Time to forgive yourself.

    CHASE

    Oh, that’ll be easy. Walk in the park.

    JAZZ

    I’m still here.

  • Rough Sleep – a play by Alysse Aallyn

    CHASE

    Here’s more fodder for my theory that reality is totally submerged – it’s never what you think you see.

    JAZZ

    Sounds deep.

    (CHASE plays with his phone, paws through lists, makes a choice, phone to ear)

    CHASE

    Uh oh.

    JAZZ

    What gives?

    CHASE

    Howk’s work phone at the Health Center is disconnected.

    (Paws through more lists, tries another number)

    And her voicemail is full. I’m listening to it now.

    JAZZ

    You’re listening to her voicemail?

    CHASE

    Default pincode. Most employees never change it. Sounds like she didn’t show up Friday and they can’t get hold of her. 

    JAZZ

    That’s not good. Any calls from Corso?

    CHASE

    Not one. And that’s not good either. Let’s try something else.

    (Fingers phone)

    She lives at Punch Drunk Apartments.  Punch Brook’s it’s name but Punch Drunk’s more appropriate to the lowly adjuncts.

    JAZZ

    Poor Howk.

    CHASE

    Not answer there either.

    (Stands up)

    It’s a five minute walk.

    (They walk to the edge of the stage.  BEX darts out, snaps a picture of them)

    JAZZ

    Kiss me, quick.

    (Throws herself into CHASE’s arms for a long smooch. BEX exits.)

     SCENE VI – HOWK’s APARTMENT

    CHASE

    How’d you do that?

    JAZZ

    Giving Bex material for his revenge porn site.

    CHASE

    Not what I mean. How’d we get here so fast?

    JAZZ

    You said it was a short walk.

    CHASE

    Not that short. You kissed me.

    JAZZ

    You liked it.

    CHASE

    You triggered a flashback.  Maybe we’re dreaming. Maybe we’ve fallen into some weird wormhole vortex thing.

    JAZZ

    Ugh.  Just one more crime scene. What happened here?

    (She pushes a door, it falls down)

    Is this even true?

    CHASE

    Maybe it’s meta-truth. Super-truth.

    (Furniture thrown around, plants and upholstery dismembered)

    Somebody had fun.

    JAZZ

    Why’s the multiverse such a nasty place? And what’s all this pink stuff?

    CHASE

    Looks like insulation.  Somebody searching for something.

    JAZZ

    Well, they must have found it.  The bedroom’s untouched. 

    CHASE

    I don’t believe it. There’s no body?

    JAZZ

    I didn’t see one.

    CHASE

    Did you look under the bed?

    JAZZ

    You look under the bed! I’m opening this closet!

                      (Disgusting corpse falls out, suspended mid-air)

    Aaargh!

    CHASE

    That’s Howk all right. She looks – drowned. And her skin’s all eaten off with some kind of acid.

    JAZZ

    I’m getting out of here. Everywhere we go is death. 

    CHASE

    Smells like Corso. That’s Corso’s M.O. Find out what’s alive and kill it. He stinks of sulfur. My guess is he was searching for whatever she held over him. Better get the drop on him before he comes after us.

    JAZZ

    Maybe that sex tape?

    CHASE

    But that’s over at his place. 

    JAZZ

    Maybe we’re going backwards and forwards in time. A U-turn in the multiverse.

    CHASE

    Maybe he killed Howk and hid her body. Remember Zane’s dream?

    JAZZ

    The abandoned warehouse? The toxic condemned site?

    CHASE

    Perfect place to stash a corpse.  People are afraid to enter. Very Corso.  

    JAZZ

    OK you solved this one. God, you’re competitive. 

    CHASE

    History is moving us forward. It has to.

    JAZZ

    This just isn’t what the Tibetan monks promised me. The moment we considered love, death was everywhere.

    CHASE

    I prefer Dante. Dante’s my guide.  He says you go through hell to get to heaven.  

    JAZZ

    Dante! Weird subject for psych majors!

    CHASE

    There’s a lot about me you don’t know. You need a firm grip on purgatory to understand law.

    JAZZ

    I think I’m coming down with something.

    CHASE

    You’re coming down with me. Kiss me.

    JAZZ

    (Fending him off)

    What if I’m infectious?

    CHASE

    If you’re my soulmate I’m hoping you’re infectious. Maybe I could get back my soul.

                               JAZZ

    Where’d it go?

                               CHASE

    Taken hostage.

                               JAZZ

    By –

    (Their kiss triggers police car lights & sirens)

    You’re right, I feel better.

    CHASE

    Sirens when we kiss – that’s a first for me.

    (They kiss more)

    JAZZ

    Are they after us or our crime scene?

    CHASE

    We’re after them. Look where we are.

    JAZZ

    This is my dorm! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

    CHASE

    Let’s kiss forever.

    SCENE VII – Outside Hadleigh, FRESHMAN DORM

     (Enter SOLIZ, dressed like a security guard, stringing crime scene tape)

    SOLIZ

    Hey!  Watch your step!  Respect my perimeter! O, hi guys.

    (They can’t step away – tape impedes)

    JAZZ

    What the hell happened here?

    SOLIZ

    Nobody knows. Keep moving.

    JAZZ

    But this is my dorm! I live here!

    SOLIZ

    They’re not letting anyone in. Do you know who lives in Room 824?

    JAZZ

    Actually, I live there.

    SOLIZ

    Oh, you do, do you? Well, some guy fell out your window.

    JAZZ

    Just like your dream!

    SOLIZ

    (threateningly)

    I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  • Rough Sleep – a play by Alysse Aallyn

    Back in DREAM LAB – CORSO calling with baton and headphones)

    CORSO

    Children! Come back! Playtime is over! Wake up, children! Don’t get lost in NeverNeverLand!

    (CORSO conducts Flight of the Valkyrie. JAZZ and CHASE are sucked apart to opposite sides of the stage.  Lowlights come up on Dream Lab. CHASE falls back on his recliner. Other students thrashing and moaning. JAZZ falls to floor, CHASE struggles to her side to help her up) 

    JAZZ

    (Retching)

    I think I saw death.

    CHASE

    And I saw the face of evil.

    CORSO

    (Appearing with a roll of paper towels and a bucket of water bottles – lights up all the way, music down)

    Rough sleep?

    CHASE

    Yeah. But was worth it.

    CORSO

    I’m talking to Miss Suzino. Gave yourself a bloody nose there, sport.

    (CORSO hands out bottles of water)

    JAZZ

     (feels her face)

    I did? Is it my blood?

    KOO

    I’m definitely going to throw up.

    CORSO

    First times are always the worst times. Care for a basin?

    KOO

    No, I want a bathroom.

    (Staggers off futon, SOLIZ reaches out to her)

    SOLIZ

    I’ll help her.

    (They lurch off behind Ladies Locker)

    CORSO

    Any more foreheads require mopping? Allow me to audition my Florence Nightingale impersonation. I’ve been universally praised for my bedside manner.

    JAZZ

    (Mopping herself)

    Maybe I’m the one who died.

    CORSO

    Forget the safe word?

    RAD

    There’s a safe word?  Now he tells us.

    CHASE

    How about “Stop”. Or “No”?

    CORSO

    The problem with that is behind the fear lies the wish.

    CHASE

    Behind the wish lies the demon. So there is no safe word.

    CORSO

    How about “I quit”?  Is that what you’re trying to say, Mr. Quinn?

    CHASE

    You first.

    CORSO

    (They glare at each other. Horrible retching noises from locker room)

    Now, now, now. Just when we were getting along so well.

    (ZANE has stood up and is lurching around as if sleepwalking.)

    CORSO

    Mr. Braden, assist your colleague back to his launching pad.

    (RAD stands up, goes to ZANE, wakes him, and leads him to his futon to sit.  SOLIZbrings a green-faced KOO out of the Ladies’)

    RAD

    My name is Borden.

    CORSO

    Now wasn’t that fun? Good times. Upchucking can hardly be an unusual experience for you, Miss Loflin. 

    SOLIZ

    Don’t give her so much next time. She’s little. She can’t get the same dose as everyone else.

    CORSO

    I wish the guinea pigs would stop wrestling with me for control of this experiment. I make the decisions around here. The doctor knows what he’s doing.

    SOLIZ

    Sorry.

    CORSO

    Now I posit the ultimate question.  Anybody “fly”?  Did we achieve liftoff?

    SOLIZ

    I think I fell. It seemed so real. Maybe it was only a dream.

    CORSO

    Only a tear in the fabric the universe, a burp from the hippocampus, a haiku from the collective unconscious, an oracle of future empowerment? Speak to us, Miss D’Accosta. Tell us everything.

    SOLIZ

     (Stands up to act out events she describes)

    I was in the elevator at Hadleigh – for some reason I was in a big hurry.  I remember looking at my watch but my watch had stopped.  It was an analog watch without any hands. The elevator opened on the top floor and I rushed out.  All these people were staring at me and they started to laugh. I realized I was naked. I couldn’t get back in the elevator – the doors had melted. The floors were melting and the whole building lurched to one side.  I panicked. I was thrown against people and I hate people touching me but I was helpless. No soulmates, just a gang. I’m scared of gangs. They were herding me. But there was the window so I jumped right through, thinking, maybe I can fly. I felt the glass tearing apart my body. At first I felt this great release.  A sense of excitement. Like I can do anything I want, like I got away with it. I was trying to move my arms and legs – it seemed like slo-mo – so I pumped and pumped – moving more frantically – but I knew all along it wouldn’t work. It doesn’t work with swimming. You’ve got to find the peaceful center but there was no peaceful center.  So I fell – knowing you’d be disappointed and maybe flunk me but hoping my crushed body could tell the scientists something.  That second before I hit I was – it was the most disgusting feeling – suspended, staring at the chalk outline where I my corpse would be.  I remember thinking, “I hope we get a second chance” but all I heard was laughter. Others were getting it. Others were doing it. Splat! Face-first into the pavement. I felt my face pushed into my brain, my spine crumbling – body turning inside out, I became “the visible woman” with her organs on the outside. That was right before my organs exploded like water balloons and there was nothing left.   I was completely gone and so there was nothing left to go to heaven, no welcoming light, no happy faces. Just sadness and loss; a night of blackout drinking.  That couldn’t have been an out of body experience. It was more like a nightmare. Right? 

    (SOLIZ’s face is sweaty, anxious. CORSO, hand to chin, considering)

    CORSO

    A classic shame dream. You felt humiliated by your naked body – a very nice body I might add – as if by some unwilling revelation of your essential self. A common anxiety dream, I assure you.  Hampered by cultural imperatives your attempted  “escape” was disguised as self-punishment; you  “looked down”, ergo tumbled and fell. Almost Greek in its simplicity.  I especially liked the note about the handless watch.  Very Dali-esque.

    RAD

     I’m all for naked dreams.

    JAZZ

    Our naked selves aren’t our essential selves.

    CORSO

    (Looking at her very displeased. Those guinea pigs again)

    How so, Miss Suzino?

    JAZZ

    I mean, everyone’s naked body is alike.  Choices reveal our essential selves.

    CORSO

    Spoken like a fashion major. How jejeune.

    CHASE

    I know what she means. It’s why people get tattoos.

    CORSO

    Says a tattooed denizen of the underclass.

    ZANE

    Everybody’s naked body is not alike! I wish!

    RAD

    (Trying so hard to be ZANE’s buddy)

    Right! I mean, if only!

    JAZZ

    I mean generally.

    CORSO

    We split hairs.  Nevertheless you expose the dangers of word selection, Miss D’Accosta. Forget “flying”. Who went elsewhere? Absolutely elsewhere?  Just tell me that.

    (ZANE reacts visibly.)

    CHASE

    I did!

    (Waving his whole arm like a five year old)

    Me, me, me!

    CORSO

    (Repressively)

    I think Mr. Pettigrew is trying to speak.

  • Rough Sleep – a play by Alysse Aallyn

    (JAZZ shakes head impatiently and crabwalks out of Dream Lab down the steps toward audience. 

    JAZZ

    Where is this place? It smells like death. The end of everything.

    (A dead body falls from rafters ands hangs by its elbows obstructing JAZZ’s path – she struggles with it)

    JAZZ

    Hey! Watch where you’re going! Get out of my way!

    (Feels up the body in a panicked way)

    JAZZ

    Oh, my God, I’m so sorry! Did I bump into you? Are you all right? Are you OK?. What’s wrong?

    (She wrestles & dances with swinging corpse, batters it like a punching bag.  EnterCHASE who pulls her away. His eyes are open)

    CHASE

    What is this – a morgue?  Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.

    JAZZ

    (Can’t leave her partner)

    Someone died and I’ve gone blind. 

    CHASE

    You’re not blind.  Open your eyes. Just don’t look behind you.

    (Turns her, kisses her.  She resists at first, then leans into him as the kiss deepens.  She opens her eyes, feeling his face)

    JAZZ

    It’s you.

    CHASE

    What are you doing in a morgue?

    JAZZ

    This is the basement. 

                      (Turns, sees corpse)

    Aaagh!

    CHASE

    Leave her. She’s past help.

    JAZZ

    Did she fall?

    CHASE

    Not with her head bashed in.  Come on. We’re urgently required elsewhere.

    (Hustles her past the orchestra pit and back up on stage)

    JAZZ

    Shouldn’t we call somebody?

    CHASE

    We’ve got to keep moving. Something’s stalking us. 

    JAZZ

    That’s just my boyfriend. He won’t go home. Keeps threatening me.

    (Grabbing CHASE frenziedly)

    Maybe the dead body is me!

    CHASE

    It’s some old lady past her sell-by date.

    JAZZ

     Where are you taking me? Won’t we get into trouble for leaving?  Where are we?

    (SCENE III – Lights go up on CORSO’s APARTMENT set. Door stands between JAZZ, CHASE and a room of bed, bureau, chairs. Ambiance created by candles, tossed books and clothes)

    JAZZ

    Where did this come from? Did we like – soul travel?  

    CHASE

    (laughs)

    Maybe that bastard Corso really hit on something! The irony – you can’t imagine. Flying! Couldn’t you feel it? While we were kissing. 

    JAZZ

    All I know is you dragged me somewhere I don’t want to be. Where is this?  YUCK!  Smells like old socks in here.

    CHASE

    Better than your morgue. This is Corso’s place. 

    JAZZ

    How do you know?

    CHASE

    I helped him move in.

    JAZZ

    But why are we here? Is lab over? Maybe we won’t get paid.

    CHASE

    (Opening drawers and tossing clothes and papers)

    There are more important things than money.

    JAZZ

    Said by someone who obviously has some. Are we dreaming?

    CHASE

    Together? In my dream you would be more cooperative.

                               JAZZ

    And in my dream you wouldn’t waste time dragging me to Professor Corso’s bachelor hideaway.

                               CHASE

    We’re real. It’s Corso’s razzle-dazzle that isn’t real.

    JAZZ

    Why? How do you know? I need that money and those credits.

    CHASE

    The closer you get to it the further it will recede.

    JAZZ

    You don’t talk like a soulmate. I don’t think you care anything about me.

    CHASE

    I don’t know you. I’ve got obligations, is all.

    JAZZ

    You’re wasting precious dream time pawing through Dr. Corso’s private stuff when we should be getting to know each other.

    CHASE

     In my experience opportunities like this are one time only. 

    JAZZ

    It just doesn’t feel the way I expected.

    CHASE

    Don’t be so self-referential.

    JAZZ

    You literally CAN’T be my soulmate. I thought Corso lived on a farm in the country.

    CHASE

    His wife kicked him out.

    JAZZ

    She did? Aren’t you going to have to put everything back?

    CHASE

    He’ll never prove it was us – we’ve got the perfect alibi.

    JAZZ

    Why is my soulmate a criminal?  Lucky me. I really can pick ‘em. So what are you searching for?

    CHASE

    Evidence. What he’s really up to.  Don’t ever believe the magician’s misdirection. He’s the king of mind games. Look at this.

    (Flourishes paper)

    JAZZ

    What’s that?

    CHASE

    Bankruptcy filings! Divorce filings!

    JAZZ

    What’s THAT have to do with anything?

    CHASE

    A desperate Corso is a dangerous Corso. 

    (Throws her a scrapbook)

    See if there’s anything in here.

    JAZZ

    (Studying the pictures)

    “First mass, 1978!”  He did say he used to be a priest.

    CHASE

    True. Imagine Corso absolving people!

    JAZZ

     He told me the church expelled him.

    CHASE

    True again. The best lies always contain some truth.

    JAZZ

    For falling in love, he said.

    CHASE

    Bzzz! Not! Lie!

    JAZZ

    No pictures of his wife in here. I wonder what she looks like. All these pictures are of him.

    CHASE

    The prince of fauxmance cares only about himself. He married her for cash.   Look, here’s a picture of you. You must be his type.

    JAZZ

    That’s Bettie Page. People are always saying I look like her. I ‘ve never worn a leopardskin bra.  He certainly was a buck-toothed, buzz-cut wunderkind.  Must have had work done.

    CHASE

    Sold his soul to the devil, is what happened.

    JAZZ

    If this is astral projection – how come I still have a body?

    CHASE

    (Looks up briefly)

    You don’t like your body?  I like your body.

    JAZZ

    That’s not it…I just figured we’d be essences. I was looking forward to floating around like an essential spirit.

    CHASE

    But how would we recognize each other? Dante recognized the spirits that he saw in hell and heaven.  Makes sense to me. All things considered, I’d rather have a body to experience things with.

    JAZZ

    I get that. But why do some bodies wind up dead? I keep thinking about that poor old lady –

    CHASE

    (Still looting)

    Here’s a restraining order. He’s not allowed to come within a thousand feet of Evangeline Corso.

    JAZZ

    Wow. Have you ever met Mrs. Corso?

    CHASE

    Twice.  She was very nice the first time.  Obviously older than him, but an interesting talker.  But the second time she started screaming about eco-terrorism, about how something was poisoning her, how she was suddenly allergic to everything.  He had to pull her off me.

    JAZZ

     Corso, you suspect?

    CHASE

    Big time. He’s the only terrorist I know.

    JAZZ

    You can add Bex to that list.

    CHASE

    I doubt he equals Corso’s sheer lethality.

    JAZZ

    Give him time. You really have it in for Corso.

    CHASE

    He had it in for me.

    (The TV has its back to us. When CHASE bumps it, blue light flickers on)

    JAZZ

    Look at this.  Seems like Corso and the Howk are having a Thing.

    CHASE

    Are you surprised?  She really throws down, if you know what I’m saying. I was there at the same time as Soliz and she came on to both of us.

    JAZZ

    Some people are like that. It’s all performance art. 

    CHASE

    This look like performance art to you?

    (JAZZ jumps)

    JAZZ

    That’s disgusting! Turn it off.

    (TV off)

    Nobody really wants to be strangled. That must be a performance, for sure. Because don’t we know she’s still alive?

                               CHASE

    Do we?

                               JAZZ

    (She sits down on bed to watch him loot)

    Think we’ll remember this when we get back to normal?

    CHASE

    I’m pretty sure you and I have different definitions of normal.  I can’t tell you what will happen.  I’m a first timer, too. We have to play it the best we can.

    JAZZ

    If this is a dream, maybe we’re making it up as we go along.

    CHASE

    If you’re not a psychology major, you don’t know about the maze-solving worms.

    JAZZ

    (JAZZ puts chin on hand)

    You’re right. Never heard of it. Do tell.

    CHASE

    They taught these worms to solve complex mazes, you know, by giving them rewards.  And then they ground them up and fed them to these other worms.

    JAZZ

    What a mean thing to do!

    CHASE

    Except the new worms knew the maze first time.

    JAZZ

    So that proves…what?

    CHASE

    Memory is chemical.

    (Taps his head)

    JAZZ

    So Corso’s going to grind us up and feed us…to the alternates?

    CHASE

    Trust me.  He would if he could.

    (Pulling out drawers.  JAZZ tosses CORSO’s messy sheets)

    JAZZ

    I can’t believe we’ll get away with this.

                      (Jumps to her feet)

    Yuck! I’m wet. I sat in their wet spot! It’s blood!

    (Looks in a panic at her hands, wipes them on her pants, touches her cheeks, increasingly upset.)

    Yuck, yuck, yuck!  There’s blood on this sheet and now it’s on me!

    CHASE

    Sssh. You’re not really here.

    JAZZ

    You just said we were!

    (She throws the papers he’s gathering in the air, he grabs her and starts kissing her)

    Now you’re getting it on you.

    CHASE

    I’m getting you on me. I’m starting to think you really are my soulmate. 

    JAZZ

    (Kissing him back)

    So please get me out of this disgusting place. 

    CHASE

    I’m sorry I’m so bad at this. It’s just that I can never forget.