(PERSEY & BISH finish their yoga with a good gossip when – unexpectedly – ROY, PERSEY’S husband – who hates BISH – comes home)
BISH But I have no playmate As you cruelly point out. (Sighs)
PERSEY Sorry. (Offstage, ROY’s voice)
ROY Cupcake! I’m home! Where the hellz is my baby?
(PERSEY & BISH galvanize. He picks up scattered clothes and rushes, dripping, to change behind a screen. DIGGER lifts a head to show some interest. PERSEY jumps back in the hot tub. ROY appears.)
PERSEY Just chillaxing.
ROY I’m down with that! (Strips and jumps in with her)
PERSEY I thought you were with Babe.
ROY Dumped her at the depot. She can Uber home.
PERSEY Roy, you didn’t! She just had back surgery!
ROY She wouldn’t stop bitchin’. You know how she gets. Hey, what’s with the bathing suit? (Trying to disrobe her)
PERSEY Sometimes…if I’m alone
ROY I got dibs on this body!
(Kissing and fondling her. PERSEY frantically signaling over his head to BISH who’s crawling towards the door, DIGGER following him with much interest. ROY suddenly sniffs the air)
ROY Has that she-male been here?
PERSEY Roy! Bish is my friend!
ROY If society had smarts we’d Exterminate those guys. Mixed-up sexes Don’t know WHAT they are.
(PERSEY tries to muffle him with kisses)
PERSEY Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.
ROY I do mean it. Queers are just trash people. Who wants a world Where men forget to be male?
PERSEY Would they stop knifing and shooting?
(A panicked BISH makes a dash for it, drops a shirt. DIGGER barks, picks up the shirt, returns to the fire to mouth it)
ROY What’s up with that dog? He’s chewing up something… Better not be mine!
(A lone WOLF howls)
PERSEY (Climbing on his lap trying to interest him in sex) It’s a dishrag I gave him. Want to fool around? Or would you like a beer?
ROY That dog better Stay out of my stuff, I’m warning you.
(Shouting over PERSEY’s shoulder to DIGGER)
I’ll put that dog down! Where he belongs!
(DIGGER attacks the shirt more aggressively – ROY makes a move to leap out of the tub – PERSEY grabs remote to light portrait – it looks right at ROY – WOLVES’ Chorus)
ROY Fuck me!
(ROY appears gobsmacked. Lights off on PERSEY house, up on shirtless BISH putting shoes on at the side of the stage. JAROD – ROY’S cop friend – approaches, hails him. They began to tango.)
JAROD Hel-lo sugar! What have we here?
BISH Didn’t know you were interested.
JAROD Call me a collector. Sampling anything new. What’s on offer?
BISH Why settle for anything When you can have Everything?
Scene 6 (PERSEY’s house. She & BISH, dressed in yoga clothes, go through a series of poses together in choreographed movement. BISH adjusts PERSEY every now and then. DIGGER imitates & riffs off them doggie style.)
BISH Your breath! Where’s your breath, Persey?
PERSEY (Gasping) Sorry. I’m afraid my pigeon’s Been…shot.
BISH But your sleeping swan’s A thing of beauty and A joy forever.
(Adjustment)
Where’s your mind?
PERSEY (Huffing and puffing) Stuck in my gut.
BISH No ego.
PERSEY No ego.
BISH And hold…. Flirt with your edge. Find your power – Soften… Release… Collapse.
(They relax exhaustedly, then bow prayerfully to each other)
BISH & PERSEY Respect the wisdom of the body.
BISH Now Corpse Pose Or drink. Persey’s choice!
PERSEY That’s an easy one! Save Corpse Pose for when we’re really dead.
BISH When I’m old and You’re wrinkly. (She stands up to mix them drinks while BISH throws himself into a chair)
BISH (Looks around and whispers) So… I’m intuiting Perhaps … I can slacken my vigilance Just a trifle?
PERSEY (Hands him his drink) Which vigilance is that?
BISH The vigilance that’s scared to death Of your husband, my honey.
PERSEY Oh, stop it. Roy’s not so bad. I like having a man I know can defend me.
BISH It’s the lure of fascism, darling. No one can resist the uniform.
PERSEY Oh, shush. Shriek like a train whistle if The spirit moves you. Roy And his mother are Pretending to visit long-dead brother’s grave. I think they really go pub-crawling.
BISH Surprising they spend So much time together Considering they hate each other.
PERSEY Hate’s love to some people. She’s hard to take, but Some of us have to. I feel kind of sorry for her. She makes her own misery.
BISH But don’t we love drama? I envy you Persey! What fun you folks have! Scarify me with tales Of Legendary Dead Brother. So what made poor Bruce Suicide himself?
PERSEY You can’t get a straight story Out of that woman. On her bad days He was murdered.
BISH MURTHERED! Who by?
PERSEY The suspects keep changing. It’s a very strange family.
BISH But there’s only the two of them! I suppose they fill out the crowd With personal demons!
PERSEY Babe resurrects Bruce Whenever she needs him. And now we’ve got Jarod Shoehorning his way in.
BISH But Jarod takes Roy’s side! Can’t you appreciate? It makes the sides even.
PERSEY I guess a strange Family ‘s better than no family at all. Which was where I came in.
BISH Or none we’ll admit to. We’re each other’s family!
(They toast)
But we’re entertained! If folks insist on emoting Who are we to deny them?
PERSEY Speaking of corpse pose, Digger found a skeleton!
BISH An actual dead person?
PERSEY Bones. Old remains in the woods. But scary enough! (Settling into her chair for a comfortable gossip)
BISH (Sips drink…reacts…likes) What’s your Glamorous Nazi Say about corpse finding?
PERSEY Silly! I’d never tell Roy! Roy warns me NEVER to Walk in the woods.
BISH Did you notify Jarod The Law? (Sighs ecstatically) Jarod the Beautiful Jarod the Sex Cop? Oh, to be arrested and handcuffed By someone like HIM! “DON’T rough me up, officer! I’ll tell you anything!”
PERSEY Jarod’s not beautiful! He’s spoiled like bad meat. He’s bewitched my poor Roy. Like some substitute twin.
BISH If you’re keeping secrets I won’t breathe a word. But that Jarod’s man-jelly In search of a sandwich. I’m sure he swings ALL ways.
PERSEY You think EVERYBODY Swings EVERY way.
BISH Oh, Persey, they DO.
PERSEY Jarod looks out For just Jarod only. Did I tell you He tricked Roy into making him partner?
BISH What’s CEO Mom-in-law say about THAT?
PERSEY Oh, she’s impossible. She LOOVES Jarod. I tell Roy if he’ not careful He’ll be getting a step-dad.
BISH Persey, how delightful! Your life is so complicated! So, that skeleton’s still out there Waiting to pounce?
PERSEY No. I womaned up. Foraged a cop Of my own. Aren’t you always Saying, Get out Persey, Embrace new experience!
BISH Persey, you didn’t!
PERSEY Oh, Bish, I DID. He’s a very nice cop and I’m his Secret Informant!
BISH Oh, my God Persey! Depths hitherto UNDREAMED of. You’re so daring I’m slack-jawed! You’ve surpassed Teacher. No longer a poor, trembly princess Locked alone in her tower. So, dish about cop! Was HIS skeleton nice?
PERSEY Our attraction’s cerebral. He’s a puzzle maven. He Used the word, “ethos”.
BISH Oh, Persey! Starved intellectually, are we?
PERSEY (Thoughtfully) I do respect men Who know how to talk.
BISH Which is why you love me. So, what secrets Are you forced to impart?
PERSEY That I suspect Jarod!
BISH Oh, Persey, You’re just jealous ‘Cause Roy’s got a man crush.
PERSEY You don’t know Jarod like I do. He’s always bragging About doing folks down.
BISH I’m warning you girly – Green-eyed monsters don’t win.
PERSEY But Jarod’s the monster!
BISH I do love a good monster. Perseys NEED monsters.
PERSEY That Jarod’s a weasel! A weasel who’s dirty. He fixed every traffic ticket Roy ever had.
BISH Persey, you’re watching WAY too much television!
PERSEY What if Jarod’s a serial killer? Digger absolutely loathes him (DIGGER obligingly bares his teeth) And Digger’s never wrong.
BISH WHAT Serial Killer?
PERSEY Try to keep up! My cop friend just told me There’s MULTIPLE body parts Dumped in that forest. People go missing In Jarod’s back yard!
BISH Multiple body parts? How come we don’t hear?
PERSEY Poor Bish! Nobody cares For the vulnerable So, they’re killers’ favorites.
BISH What kind of people? MY kind of people?
PERSEY OUR kind of people. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
BISH Passing through HERE? Jeepers, Persey! I don’t want you Woods-walking either!
PERSEY Yeah but I’m not a victim. Digger makes sure.
(DIGGER snarls & feints)
BISH Oh, Persey! Killers love fairy princesses And eat dogs for breakfast!
(DIGGER cowers)
PERSEY I’m NO fairy princess!
BISH Oh, look in a mirror! Don’t fight hate with hate, Persey. If Jarod’s so machiavellian He wouldn’t bother to kill.
PERSEY He’s a sadist, poor Bish. You’re too trusting. If Jarod’s not dirty Investigation can’t hurt him.
BISH Suddenly we’re a fourgy! Roy’s jealous of ME And you’re jealous of Jarod!
PERSEY Roy’s right to be jealous.
BISH Persey – much as I love you …Adorable as you are… You’re not my type.
PERSEY He knows WE talk about Things I can’t say to HIM. He’s a man who wants everything.
BISH Doesn’t everyone? Roy tells his Man Buddy Things he can’t say to YOU.
PERSEY Dumb stuff, probably. Things like Guns, knives and wars. You know they dressed a deer In my downstairs guest bath?
BISH You mean they UNdressed it. Poor Persey.
PERSEY Jarod brings out Roy’s Worst side. Imposture, Pretense – Loads of sick Macho crap.
BISH Well…a LITTLE imposture – And a soupçon of crap – Can be very alluring.
PERSEY It ISN’T! I loathe poseurs!
BISH Oh Persey! The unlovely among us are Dependent on posing or we’d get No partners at ALL! So far Roy’s uncooperative With your civilizing pressure? Hmm…wonder why… With a mother like that?
PERSEY It’s just because poor Roy was so Tormented by his only brother.
BISH He needs guns and knives?
PERSEY He has a starved, hungry ego. But he’s an angel to me.
BISH You call me too-trusting? Never trust anyone With so many rules. Who needs knives and guns When he’s got silver spoons? He could accept the real US If he put his head right.
PERSEY He’s getting there, I swear it. If I could just get rid of Jarod…
BISH You’re boring me, Persey. Time for a hot tub?
PERSEY Please! I’ll jump in with you!
(They peel down to bikini & Speedo. Step gingerly in.)
BISH Aaaah….
PERSEY (Lifting pile of towels and whispering) Sssh. Keep it down so Digger –
(Too Late. DIGGER sails into the tub. Much splashing. Swimming, etc. Finally DIGGER jumps out, shakes all over the towels and settles down in front of fire for a snooze, feet in air.)
BISH THAT was refreshing. For someone.
PERSEY (Mopping up frantically with towels) Roy just hates it When Digs makes a mess!
BISH See what I mean? Stop running and jumping And twitching for him!
PERSEY Oh, hush. You’d cater adoringly To somebody special.
BISH Below the belt, that one! I can’t like my best friend locked up As a baby machine.
PERSEY Roy doesn’t want children! He can’t share me with a dog! That’s just Mama’s nagging. Roy HATED his childhood.
BISH Who’s posing now? Are you faking the fertility game?
PERSEY It’s a state secret, Bish – You can’t ever tell!
Scene 4 (PERSEY turns out the light and the women exit. Firelight spreads across the room, lighting glittering eyes of the portrait – the eyes move, watching the women leave. DIGGER’s Dance with the WOLVES: Sniffs wolves suspiciously; they are wild and strange, he is home-raised and scared but envious of their freedom and “cool.” Threat & counter threat; posture & preening. Gradually DIGGER becomes wolf-like and runs with the pack. The moon appears and the WOLVES salute it. It lights PERSEY getting ready for bed. Above her BRUCE appears clinging to the skylight, peering down. WOLVES & DIGGER threaten and howl him away.)
Act 2 Scene 5 (The deepest forest. PERSEY, DIGGER and a police officer NED wandering listlessly around in the unscary, perfectly ordinary daylight. Scratchy background noises from NED’s radio)
PERSEY There’s a skeleton Around here somewhere, officer.
NED (Skeptically) That you saw late Midsummer Eve.
PERSEY Are you even a detective? I was promised “Cold Case” professionals!
NED “Open Unsolved”. I’m all that there is.
PERSEY You sound defeated. On the verge of retirement?
NED Hell no, lady. Never. Too many cold cases. I’ll die in this job.
PERSEY Sounds like a death wish.
NED It’s a life wish. I love my work.
PERSEY Searching for … skeletons?
NED Solving puzzles. Perfecting antennae. Following undercurrents Right to their source. (He kicks the leaves) Where’d you unearth This cadaver exactly?
PERSEY It’s around here someplace. It was Digger who found it. (Kneels to talk to DIGGER) Remember those bones, boy? Go get ‘em, Digger!
(DIGGER scratches himself stupidly)
NED Speaks English, that dog?
PERSEY I know he speaks wolf.
NED Wolf?
PERSEY Wolves howl at him and He howls right back.
NED No wolves around here.
PERSEY Coyotes, then. Coywolves. Something’s howling. I’ve seen ‘em.
NED Feral dogs more likely. Tame goes wild more often Than the other way round.
PERSEY You’re argumentative.
NED I respect facts When assembling theory. Dogs taste the outdoors And they never go back.
PERSEY Just like some people. Go, Digger, go! Shoo!
(She pushes him. DIGGER ambles off)
You’re a puzzle fan?
NED Yup. I’m addicted.
(Takes a Chinese link puzzle out of his pocket and plays with it)
I’m never without one. Solve ‘em in my sleep.
PERSEY So, what special skills Do puzzle mavens require?
NED Pattern recognition. Patterns are everything; The basis of speech Building blocks of thought.
(As they look out over the audience, the TREES rearrange themselves and spit up a pink stiletto platform shoe, which DIGGER retrieves.)
NED What you got there, boy? (DIGGER dumps the shoe at his feet. NED holds it up for PERSEY’s inspection)
NED This what you saw?
PERSEY Definitely not. Bones! Digger! Skeleton! Go get ’em boy!
(She mimes walking like a zombie while DIGGER watches her, bright-eyed.)
NED You play charades with this dog?
PERSEY He watches a lot of movies.
(DIGGER leaves them alone, ambling off to search. NED & PERSEY kick the leaves in awkward “first date” embarrassment. They are attracted to each other.)
NED (Might be bragging – just a bit) Wouldn’t be the first corpse Located hereabouts.
PERSEY No! How many were there?
NED (With relish) Multiple body dumps. Arms, legs, Torsos. So many go missing.
PERSEY Jarod was right!
NED You don’t mean Jarod Gunver?
PERSEY You know him?
NED (Evasive: suddenly circumspect) Well…he’s a cop. So, I’ve seen him around.
PERSEY Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thin blue line.
NED Very thin.
PERSEY Power shields power. I know all about it. He’s my husband’s best friend. Claims to be “expert” but Usually wrong. He’s Wrong about everything. I’m surprised he spoke truth about Forests of corpses.
NED You don’t like him.
PERSEY I don’t. Bad influence – rough crowd.
NED He talks police business?
PERSEY If he thinks he’s impressing! That he’s smarter than anyone! He collects slaves — “Whoever Dies With the Most Souls Wins” That’s his motto. He’s got lots of followers – Information’s his currency – Bragging and scaring – Trying to frighten – “Don’t walk in the woods!” He LOVES scaring women.
NED (Being The Cop) What did he tell you?
PERSEY “Boy girls come to bad ends”. He really hates anyone Who isn’t his slave. Roy envies his power – I ignored him. Till I found that skeleton.
NED He’s out of line. Information comes in Not supposed to go out.
PERSEY (Pointedly) I suppose YOU’ve got no friends?
NED Shoptalk is different.
PERSEY Men always say that.
NED Yeah. We are boring.
PERSEY But investigation’s exciting!
NED You find my work exciting?
PERSEY I don’t know about puzzles But I favor the truth There’s the real power – Knowing what happened.
NED Just the facts, eh?
PERSEY Who’s alive and who’s dead Who’s a demon pretending – Who’s a monster despoiling; only Mimicking life.
NED (He gets right to the point) You think Jarod’s a demon?
PERSEY I’m not willing to hang around him Long enough to find out.
NED Here’s what I know – We’re all demonic In our own special way.
PERSEY Speak for yourself.
NED If these woods shelter corpses How come you’re still here?
PERSEY ‘Cause my demon’s inquisitive. Trees can’t hurt you. These woods are a temple – A Most Sacred Place. Stupid people think they’re nowhere It’s the ultimate Somewhere.
(The TREES swell pridefully. DIGGER runs up with a silk pair of zebra-striped harem pants – rather the worse for wear – dangling from his jaws.)
PERSEY Oh Digger! You frustrating dog!
NED (Snatches at the silk) Could be evidence of … something.
PERSEY Even trees have their secrets.
(Mockingly)
Maybe Jarod’s wife, Stormee Dropped her pants in the woods. Not the first time, I’m sure.
NED (Places his find in an evidence bag) Meow! Jarod’s finished with Misty?
PERSEY Over Misty. Under Stormee.
NED What’s the number of wives Jarod is up to? Never mustered more Than two wives, myself. I’m a single guy, now.
(But PERSEY has picked up a stick and DIGGER is falling all over himself hoping she’s going to throw it. She conceals it behind her back and points him into the woods – he races towards nothing – then stops in confusion.)
PERSEY You know what I want! Human! Person!
(She knocks against her head)
Skull. Go get it!
(DIGGER slinks away. PERSEY drops the stick and brushes the dirt off her hands)
PERSEY Jarod sheds wives seasonally Like the snake that he is.
NED So what are you doing when You’re not nature-ing?
PERSEY Reading and thinking. I sit on my deck and Gaze into the trees.
NED Sounds relaxing. She’s a tree-worshiper, this one!
(The TREES nod, bow, sigh.)
PERSEY Do your missing have names?
NED Eh?
PERSEY You said there’s so many. Don’t these missing Have names?
NED Everyone has names. Monikers, nicknames Aliases Given names, borrowed names Street names – Disguises; red herrings; Wish fulfillment – everyone.
PERSEY So many lost women!
NED Didn’t say they were women. Bi-curious, tri-curious Foraging wanderers Hitchhikers and travelers Tourists and runaways Just passing through.
PERSEY Passing through HERE?
NED Or somebody brought them. Along for the ride.
PERSEY Why does nobody know?
NED “High risk victims”. It’s a way Of saying nobody cares.
(PERSEY is stunned. A TREE opens up and shakes out a full skeleton. DIGGER staggers back – TREE hands DIGGER the skull.)
NED Success at last!
(DIGGER leaves the skull at PERSEY’s feet and wags his tail. She drops instantly to hug and kiss him while he basks in her attentions)
PERSEY (Lavishing DIGGER with love while NED looks bemused, even jealous) I knew you could do it! Smart dog! Who’s a puppy As clever as beautiful? Digger is! I’ll say!
NED Wish I got that much attention For finding a bone.
(Picking up the skull with the stick and turning it over reverently)
You should take that dog on the road.
PERSEY Probably should. He drives my mother-in-law crazy.
Now we need forensics, a search team of Real sniffer dogs.
PERSEY (Standing up and brushing dirt off her thighs) REAL sniffer dogs? That’s all the thanks that poor Digger gets?
NED (Puts the skull down carefully, pats DIGGER’s head) Good dog.
(DIGGER snaps at the skull up again – NED blocks him – PERSEY grabs the dog’s collar)
PERSEY Come on, Digger!
(She leashes him.)
Let’s go home. Our work here is done.
NED Sorry, no. There’s papers to sign.
PERSEY Paperwork, ugh! Nothing doing. My husband never likes me Getting involved.
NED But you are involved, now. Aren’t you?
PERSEY Can’t I be secret? A secret informant? After all, who needs to know? Maybe Jarod’s the killer! I’ll tell all about Jarod. Just keep ME a secret.
NED Even informants have paperwork. You think your husband’s best friend’s a killer? There’s a dangerous liaison.
PERSEY Do we have a deal?
NED OK, I’ll bite. I’ll tell them I found it.
PERSEY Sure, you take the credit. Digger prefers backrubs.
NED What makes Jarod a killer?
PERSEY He brags about killing. About his “justified kills” He’s cold and he’s fake Looks for every advantage. He likes people’s suffering. He says he kills people As part of his job.
NED I heartily doubt it. Undercover’s a whole different ethos But word gets around.
PERSEY The man lies like he breathes.
NED Those guys specialize in Put-ons and disguises.
PERSEY How about you?
NED I’m one lone wolf.
PERSEY Drinkers and braggers Find it hard to keep secrets.
(NED offers his hand – They shake – he likes touching her)
NED I’m interested in all you can tell me. We’ll have to work closely.
PERSEY Solving puzzles – Making theories! Sounds Deliciously different. Now I’d better skedaddle. I’m running late.
(DIGGER’s straining at the leash to be gone)
NED I’ll keep in touch.
PERSEY See you later.
(She waves. Leaves with DIGGER. The DEADGIRLS and BOYGIRLS morph from the trees, reaching out their leafy arms longingly. NED stares after her thoughtfully.)
(BABE, (Persey’s mother-in-law) a commanding, magnificent, scary older woman strides into the yard, holding a blanket and calling,)
BABE Persey! Persey, where are you?
(PERSEY & DIGGER emerge from the forest, both looking dirty, scratched and sheepish) Oh, my goodness, poor PERSEY! What happened to you!
PERSEY Er – Hello – Mother.
(Allowing herself to be enclosed in a blanket, she says with bitter irony) You weren’t expected.
BABE Please call me Babe – Everyone does! Aren’t we family? Aren’t I spontaneous? Spontaneity’s a right Claimed by mothers-in-law.
(Guiltingly)
I can’t be alone today- It’s BRUCE’s DEATH anniversary!
(Throaty gasps)
PERSEY I thought that was last month.
BABE (On the edge of hysteria) No! No! It’s tonight! Roy’s too sweet twin brother! I still see him hanging Neck so distorted A hideous specter to torment a mother!
(A scary, elongated shadow projects against the wall.)
PERSEY I’m so sorry. I guess we forgot. Today’s Jarod’s birthday.
BABE Dear Jarod! How is he?
PERSEY (Pulling thistles out of protesting DIGGER’s fur) Having the time of his life, Thanks to you.
BABE (Majestic and cold) Jarod deserves our support. I called with good wishes Roy said you were on your way home. That was hours ago! And your cellphone is HERE! Where’s the Mercedes, Persey? Did you wreck the Mercedes?
(Threateningly)
You KNOW you can tell me.
PERSEY The Mercedes is fine, Babe. But it’s Midsummer night – Digger needed a walk, So, I thought –
BABE (Full of disgust) Oh, Persey You’re the limit! Don’t TELL me that ill-favored mutt Dragged you to the woods! Surely Jarod warned you? There’s killers abroad! Your husband forbade you – The forest is VERMINOUS And my future grandchildren Deserve better than THAT! Have that fleabag put down, Get a highly-trained guard dog From an ACCREDITED school! An attack dog, not some troublemaker Who waltzes with thorn bushes! (DIGGER and BABE bare their teeth at each other. She moves to strike, he cowers but lifts his leg when she turns away. PERSEY shields DIGGER)
BABE We all worry about you You promised Roy! Do your promises mean NOTHING? PERSEY, my girl?
PERSEY Roy knew I walked home. We can handle the woods. Digger protects me I’d NEVER get rid of my beautiful Digger! Digger’s my baby!
BABE (Much distaste) Roy deserves a REAL baby, Persey, Time’s growing short.
(She attempts to be confiding)
What is the latest from BabyMakers Inc.?
(She taps a foot – can’t disguise her impatience)
PERSEY (Steps past BABE evasively) These things take forever. They’re testing and testing – You know how it goes. Roy hates to be tested. It’s a free world, I say. All the best things happen In their own little time.
BABE I bought you this house This magnificent house On the clear understanding – That soon we’d be FOUR. Where’s my grandchild? Oh Persey –I’ve had so many losses.
(PERSEY steps into the house – BABE attempts to shoo DIGGER away)
PERSEY Oh, let him come in, Babe. He thinks it’s his home and It’s so cold outside.
(DIGGER shivers exaggeratedly.)
BABE But he’s so dirty!
PERSEY I’ll give him a bath. (Lighted hot tub bubbles up at her feet. PERSEY touches BABE’s arm) Please be patient. I’m certain Happy times are ahead.
(Hastily disrobing PERSEY steps into smoking hot tub with a sigh of relief. DIGGER jumps in with an ecstatic splash and paddles rapturously around)
BABE (Averting her eyes & gagging, shaking off droplets) You’ll NEVER get clean with That thing in there!
PERSEY (Calmly) Why not mix up some drinks?
(She soaps DIGGER’s head. He splashes her playfully)
BABE (BABE is conflicted. Feels ordered around in PERSEY’s house but she loves booze, so unwillingly turns her back to accommodate) If only I’d known you were indulging some mutt I don’t know that I’d have purchased this house.
PERSEY Roy loves this house, Babe. We’re both very grateful.
BABE (Bringing drinks for the pair of them, she settles down in a chair beside the tub) Roy’s a good boy…eventually. But you have to keep after him Monitoring, reminding.
PERSEY We’ve been so happy here. Cheers!
BABE Chin-chin.
(They drink. Potent stuff and PERSEY reacts.)
PERSEY Wow, BABE, you concoct A powerful drink.
BABE (Mollified – drinks with pinky extended) Strong medicine’s required For life’s brutal reverses.
(She drains her glass. PERSEY surreptitiously adds water to hers. DIGGER jumps out of the tub and shakes all over BABE who springs to her feet)
BABE Oh, that dog! Just look what he’s done!
PERSEY So sorry, BABE. Will you hand me those towels?
BABE (Very grumpy) If you need this much help, Persey, You require a maid.
PERSEY Roy prefers privacy We’re not fond of strangers.
(BABE hands over towels. PERSEY steps out of the tub and into a towel but not fast enough)
BABE Persey, you’re so thin. One must feed babies SOMETHING!
PERSEY Babe, you worry too much! Stress is so bad for everyone. Aren’t we just enjoying A quiet evening at home?
BABE I can’t help my conviction We’ve run out of time. I keep warning and warning and Nobody listens.
(WOLVES howl)
Nobody cares about Poor Abused Me Giver of Life and Signer of Deeds; Creator of Wealth and Addresser of Needs Nobody cares about Me!
PERSEY We’re so grateful For all that you’ve done. What’s the rush? We’ve got nothing BUT time. Let’s go sit by the fire.
(She presses a button and fire springs to life. There’s a dog bed in front of it where DIGGER settles in – after stretching, pacing, rolling)
BABE Such a wonderful house! All the amenities! (addresses audience) My gifts are so wonderful My taste so exquisite – Lucky I’m rich and know Just what to serve! Too bad I’m never Loved or deserved! My love is perfect My example superb. But I won’t live forever, Persey.
PERSEY Your gifts are appreciated. Thank you, Babe.
(BABE gives her a robe and a cellphone)
BABE Three calls missed from Roy.
PERSEY He’s checking on me.
BABE Because he loves you Just as I do.
(PERSEY dons the robe. BABE has a pile of towels for herself with which she makes a show of covering her chair, blotting her dress, feet, shaking her head, etc.)
PERSEY (On phone) Sure hon; got back safe.
(Holds phone away from protesting, squawking, threatening noises)
I can hardly hear you.
That’s quite a party you’re having.
(Loud music & squawking)
Babe’s here, with Our own celebration.
BABE (Shouts at phone) Remembrance! For Bruce! Poor, dead Bruce!
PERSEY Of course we won’t wait up You should really stay over –
(BABE snatches for the phone, PERSEY evades)
BABE Let me talk to him.
PERSEY (Waving her away – admonitory finger- bravely lying) It was just a short walk, Under a glorious moon.
(DIGGER covers his ears and trembles in memory. Rolling her eyes at ROY’s protests; holds the phone away from her giving BABE chance to snatch phone)
BABE Sweetheart, we must go To the cemetery and visit dear Bruce.
(Horrible noises from phone)
Renew all the vows Made to dear, dear, lost Bruce.
(Significantly – threatening)
Don’t you remember?
(Raving noises from phone; then silence. BABE tosses it to PERSEY)
BABE He hung up on me! Can you believe it? That man needs a leash! Or obedience school.
PERSEY It’s a PARTY, Babe. They’re all off the leash.
BABE If you’d given me that phone When I asked for it Persey –
PERSEY He can’t feel about Bruce As you do, Babe, because Bruce made him suffer. You must understand.
BABE (Getting more and more upset – she launches to her feet and paces) Roy deserved it! Sweet Bruce was my honey-child, So biddable, good!
PERSEY That’s not the story I hear.
BABE (As if she’d not spoken) He’d do anything for his mother –
(Starts to sob)
PERSEY Bruce tortured Roy, Babe. I’ve seen the scars. With my own eyes.
BABE Roy teased him! You’re insulting the dead, Persey! Now I need a drink!
(BABE staggers toward bar, WOLVES gather around house, DIGGER alerts)
PERSEY I think we need music!
(Persey switches on radio)
RADIO (Impossibly proper BBC voice) Four missing girls …(squawk) Body Dump Case (squawk squawk) While in other Serial Killer News- A Beautiful Blonde –
(PERSEY cuts radio off as BABE extends a drink – even darker than the last. BABE’s drinks would make a mule cross-eyed. PERSEY dumps half out but BABE is too worked up about her own problems to notice.)
BABE Roy doesn’t care!
PERSEY Boys will be boys.
BABE Tonight of all nights!
PERSEY It’s the living who count.
BABE I hope I’m not grudging But Life’s so unfair!
PERSEY Babe, the past is the past!
BABE (Determined to quarrel) Are you saying Roy didn’t love His only blood brother?
PERSEY Bruce was a bully! Since he lived with his father I never met him but Roy tells me –
BABE Bruce killed himself, Persey! I found the body! Do bullies self-sacrifice? Such deaths DESTROY mothers!
PERSEY Suicide’s impulsive–
BABE You know nothing about it!
PERSEY I’m sorry.
BABE A mother has feelings –
PERSEY I know just what I’m told.
BABE Roy owes me allegiance! I gave him everything!
PERSEY It was so long ago!
(WOLVES howl)
BABE It’s neglect I can’t handle!
PERSEY Roy’s home tomorrow –then we can –
BABE Disrespect!
PERSEY (Desperately) We love and admire you, Babe.
BABE Should a mother have to visit Her child’s grave ALL ALONE?
(WOLVES howl frenziedly. DIGGER scratches to go out.)
BABE Don’t let that dog out! He’ll get dirty again!
PERSEY (Lets DIGGER out to dance with the wolves) We’ll visit the grave with you! I promise we will.
BABE We all make mistakes. I deserve second chances.
PERSEY (Can’t quite follow this) Meaning…?
BABE I demand forgiveness!
PERSEY I don’t understand.
BABE I didn’t kill Bruce!
PERSEY No one killed Bruce, Babe. According to you.
BABE But Roy MIGHT have done it. That night they were fighting – At each other’s throats!
PERSEY (Looks at her empty glass like – there’s not enough alcohol in the world for this. Wearing the hopeless expression of someone arguing with a crazy person) I’m sure Roy didn’t hang Bruce.
BABE You weren’t there!
PERSEY Bruce was the strong one. As you’re always saying.
BABE (Exalted) Bruce was born first. He pushed Roy aside! He pushed ME aside! He strong-armed the doctor! (Sighing with pleasure) Roy was the weak one, Roy was the gentle one. Tender and thoughtful. Mama’s last angel. Bruce made such fun of him. Wicked, vicious fun.
(She sounds gleeful about it. PERSEY fills BABE’s glass – might as well make a night of it)
I can’t be alone on this terrible night. Here’s to crime. Bottoms up.
(Sits up abruptly)
Why, I brought you a present!
PERSEY (Trepidation) You did?
BABE Sharing’s my motto. I can’t look at it any longer. So I thought Roy might – treasure it.
(She touches a light switch and the portrait above the fireplace is illuminated. It depicts in overwrought oils a glamorous woman with a blond boy hanging off each arm. PERSEY almost jumps out of her skin)
PERSEY Oh, my God! (She covers her face as if to hide from the portrait) Babe – I’m afraid – I don’t think –
BABE It’s a great work of art. At least admit that.
PERSEY Babe, don’t you remember The Chinese vase you once gave us?
BABE Roy had an accident, Persey. And it was only a copy! I don’t understand your compulsion To make Roy the bad guy. After all, He’s indulged you like a princess.
PERSEY (Trying to be gentle) He might not like the portrait, Babe. I’m only saying.
BABE But it’s my only picture of Bruce!
(Starting to cry)
It’s all I have left! He couldn’t be cruel to the one who gave everything!
(Poor PERSEY rolls her eyes. The WOLVES and DIGGER howl at each other)
BABE Oh, my God, what is that!
PERSEY Coyotes are unsettling.
BABE Those are WOLVES, Persey. Not some harmless creatures! People say the spirits of the murdered Howl at night in the woods, Thirsting for justice.
PERSEY Justice?
BABE Or maybe revenge. There’s no justice in this world or My boy would have lived!
(DIGGER & The WOLVES square off suspiciously)
PERSEY (Nervously) That’s superstition!
BABE You’re too isolated here. This is all a mistake. Why do my gifts go so bad?
PERSEY We need country, Babe. Roy loves to hunt.
(Stands up to listen; mustering up her courage) It’s music really.
Those noises don’t scare me. Coyotes protect us. Cleaning the forest Eating vermin and carrion.
(Puts her hand to the light switch)
Ready for bed?
BABE (Collapsing sadly. The party’s over and she never has as much fun as she wanted) I suppose so. Now I know I’ll have nightmares.
Talent Show – Emily’s Poem: Stage apron – (Oscar slumped in a wheelchair wearing stained sweats. Darla feeding him from a baby food jar – Emily dressed in camouflage holding rigid military pose – arms locked behind her – Rocky on drums, Victor on tambourine – all in pseudo-military gear)
Darla Come on, baby Open up! Here comes the Carrot airplane! Who likes carrots? You like carrots!
(Wipes his chin)
Cause carrots make you Strong! Carrots Make you smart! Carrots Make a guy See in the dark, Open up, Big Boy! I’m Comin’ in!
Emily Once I was young Now I’m old I thought I could do anything Except what I was told I didn’t listen I went my way Kids are stupid Children are cruel We don’t learn What we need to know in school. Why is sex? What is love? Why knock me over When I give you a hug?
Everyone warned me – they Said: Hang back And pray! Pray things will get better Don’t volunteer. Don’t be a Bleeding heart, Chill out, have a beer! Don’t be a know-it-all Try not to fear. Wait for an invite. Wait for a year.
I didn’t listen Cause I thought I knew more Something I wanted Was out past the bores Something was calling me Needing Commanding Summoning me.
(Darla wipes Oscar’s chin and positions the wheelchair so Oscar can see Emily better.)
Now I’ve seen reality And I’m here to tell you That thing I was wanting Was ME All along. I was my friend and I was my lover I was my sister and I was My brother. No one SEEMS caring But if ONE person cared Things gotta get better Till no one is scared. I’ve got the power and now So have you.
(Thumping her heart with a fist)
Now I’m different, now I am changed. Now I’m in motion; Now I’ve got game. Each one evolving In our different ways Here’s hoping – I’m hoping – For YOUR better day.
(Emily bows low. Darla applauds, makes Oscar’s hands applaud. He looks confused but excited)
Darla That was beautiful! Wasn’t that Beautiful, Oscar?
(She tries to wipe his face)
Oscar, are you Crying? Is that a tear? Oh no, I guess That tear’s always there.
(Rocky & Victor come bow with the two girls. Oscar still applauding. THE END.)
Girls Locker Room. (Pop & girly posters – lots of leg & boob. Darla changing out of cheerleader outfit into camisole and ruffled underpants outside highly decorated pink girly locker. Enter Oscar.)
Oscar Hello, babe.
Darla
(Starts to cover up, confused)
Honey! You can’t Come in here!
(Looks around anxiously)
Oscar
(looming over her)
Got my bros at the door. We’ve got nothing but privacy I’ve got
(heavy emphasis)
Nothing but time. You’re Out of time.
Darla
(Struggling to be seductive in this incongruous setting)
Men like it in weird places That’s what I hear.
(Touches him tentatively)
How can I please you?
(He pushes her down roughly on the bench)
Oscar Tell me truth for once!
Darla I never lied to you!
Oscar
(Wailing his woundedness)
Didn’t you send a Strip pic To everyone in school? Insulting me? Dissing me? Smirching my honor? Making them LAUGH?
Darla Never! Girls don’t Share pictures! It’s Only for you!
Oscar I can’t trust you Anymore. You Lie so so so – Beautifully.
(so much pain)
Pretending to be a Virgin! You Fooled me! You Fooled me!
Darla You know I was a virgin – You made me bleed! And were YOU a virgin? What’s it matter Anyway? As long as We love each other.
Oscar
(He shows her the movie on his phone)
Who’s idea was this? Think you’re a porn star? What does that make me? Some kind of toy boy?
Darla Not me, I swear it!
Oscar
(Threateningly)
You’ll bleed For real this time!
(Pulls out his knife)
It’s my right and my Duty. God’s gift and Man’s! Look at this here!
(He shows her his phone)
Does SHE look like a virgin?
Darla
(Throws herself on her knees, grabs his hand)
I didn’t know nothing – I was Trying to love you Best way I saw possible. It seemed that you liked it!
Oscar Men have regrets when There’s honor involved.
Darla They’re liars, Oscar! They hate our Perfection! You can’t –
(He casts her from him)
Oscar
(Sneering)
Don’t tell me what I can or Can’t do! Think I listen to GIRLS? You’re trappers, high-flyers – I was warned about this school. When there’s no prayer there’s WHORES! I hoped This place was different But I see It’s just a snake pit!
Darla I thought you Loved me!
Oscar I thought I did – And then I saw through Your cruel cruel Mask.
Darla
(Trying to rise to her feet to hug him)
Together We can fight them I swear, it’s just you and me Adam and Eve And it’s our brand new world.
Oscar You want me WEAK You wanted a slave out to Stud, a trophy, a trinket To make you look good.
Darla
(Outraged – hands on hips)
NONE of this is true I gave myself to YOU – to To love – and to cherish Not to hurt and to KILL!
Oscar
(He backs away from her sudden power)
You’re trying to smoke me Blinding me helpless With your Vixen Stink.
Darla
(Pleading with him)
So? I’ll change perfume I’ll change anything You find displeasing – Tell me what to do.
Oscar You enslaved me with Your sex. You knew how To handle me – Touched me like a WHORE!
Darla If you’ve been with whores I know how to forgive – I can forgive so much You’d be surprised. We’re together now – I’ll do anything You want –
Oscar You knew too much For a pure girl.
Darla But I made you happy.
Oscar Happy? Do I look happy? I can’t sleep Can’t eat – I’m Cuck’d! They all know it! Laughter Is everywhere Their jeers are a torment!
(Clutches his head)
Oscar Death’s the only answer It’s fair and it’s just – It’s mine to decide and I said You must die.
Darla If I’d hated your sex Would this even be happening?
Oscar Don’t confuse me – With argument The truth’s bad enough.
Darla But I didn’t send that Picture – Emily sent it, and I never filmed anything Or knew anyone would. I still think we’re beautiful. All I can say is I never loved or pleased anyone but you And that made you hate me!
Oscar What about Rocky? What about Clint – About Cody? Your cousin?
Darla
(Dismissively)
Rocky’s a baby. He doesn’t count. Clint prefers boys and with Cody – We were children. My cousin’s like a brother!
Oscar Excuses, excuses. See this teardrop?
(Points to tattoo on his cheek)
This tear is for you It’s for my first kill. There’s no turning back. Now it’s your time to Pray.
Darla Pray? To which of your Gods? The mean one or The forgiver? I pray You don’t hurt me. You know you once loved me.
Oscar You BROKE my love.
(Waves the knife – then casts it aside)
No, I can’t! You’re too Beautiful – I can’t Tear that fresh, lovely, soft skin.
(Grabs her neck)
Oscar I’ll throttle you – Fast and safe – You won’t feel a thing.
(She thrashes around – he stands foursquare, summons up his strength)
Just let go – Give it up – Some girls even like it They ask for it specially.
(Emily appears behind him and brains him hard with a fire extinguisher – Oscar goes down – Darla falls back choking, clutching her neck)
Emily Take that, you Bastard!
Darla
(Falling to her knees beside Oscar)
You’ve killed him!
(Oscar groans)
Darla Call 911! Help! Help!
(Victor and Rocky burst in)
Victor What happened?
Emily You know what happened, You jackass: He tried to kill her!
Darla You didn’t need to hit him so hard!
(Oscar rolling and groaning)
Darla You broke his brain!
Emily His brain broke Long ago.
Victor That’s right – Nothing I did – This mofo’s plum crazy.
(Rocky picks up the knife and flicks it admiringly)
Rocky Wow! Look At the size of this thing!
Emily Would someone please Call 911?
(Still holding the fire extinguisher defensively – after all, Rocky has the knife)
Do I have to do Everything around here?
Victor
(To his cell phone)
Hello Coach? We’ve got A problem.
Emily
(throws the fire extinguisher aside)
Give me that thing.
(She snatches the phone from him – punches 911 – acts frustrated)
Victor No outside line.
Rocky The school’s gonna Hush this right up –
Victor
(Snatching back his phone)
We don’t need Police.
(His phone rings – Victor says threateningly)
It’s Coach. Do I tell him honestly How Oscar got hurt?
Darla I won’t speak If you won’t.
Rocky
(Pockets knife)
No knife – no Foul. Right?
Victor
(Answers phone)
I dunno, Coach – seems Oscar was peepin’ In the girls’ locker room – Things turned nasty and Oscar got brained.
Darla
(Bravely)
Tell him I did it.
(She tries to link arms with Emily who throws her hands up in disgust)
Victor
(pretending to be brave)
I don’t want to say. You Better come look. Better see for yourself.
(He snaps phone into pocket)
You know it’s all Emily’s fault.
(Emily aghast)
Emily How’d you figure?
Victor Hey, YOU sent that photo.
(Emily is speechless with rage. Darla is astounded)
Darla Oh, no she din’t!
Emily It was all your idea!
Victor You shouldn’t listen to me! People do what they want. We’re all in this together. Nobody speaks There’ll be no harm done. Coach don’t wanna know.
(Kneels by Oscar)
Victor Hang in there big guy, We’re getting you help.
Football Field bleachers. (Victor doing what looks like an Indian rain dance – he is beside himself with glee. Enter Emily)
Emily What are you so happy about?
Victor I’m the man! I’m the king!
(Emily stares at him sardonically, arms akimbo)
Emily So, spill – Found somebody’s Credit card under the bleachers?
Victor NO. I’m an Unstoppable Force – I’m a MOVER. I’m the One! Others are just talk – I make things happen! I stir the pot, the pot Bubbles. Stick with me sweetlips And you’ll see the world.
Emily
(Accusingly)
What did you do now?
Victor I showed Oscar His honey’s a whore!
(Wild victory dance)
Emily Darla? You mean her pictures? Her pictures were Wonderful! That girl’s a Goddess. I don’t get you guys! Always demanding We get sexual then Using that to disgrace us!
Victor Don’t act innocent around me, Honey. I know what you did. And Oscar BOUGHT IT!! Guy went Crazy!
(Wild boogie break dancing)
Emily Why you gotta Hate, Victor? Why ruin everyone And everything? That poor fool! If he didn’t want nudies He’s the first guy I’ve heard of. How come he Believed you over Darla? Darla LOVES him. No one’s that stupid.
Victor
(Playing with her hair)
Don’t you pay attention In history class? The bigger the lie The more people believe it. ‘Cause It’s about NIGHTMARES, Baby, we’re controlled by our Nightmares! Everyone’s got ‘em. Play into the NIGHTMARES And people believe.
(he makes his abracadabra gestures in front of her face – she pushes his hands away)
Emily But I thought he loved her! Doesn’t that idiot know How lucky he is?
Victor Love! What’s that even mean?
Emily But why’d he Believe YOU. You’re not his friend.
(Victor shakes the phone at her)
Victor Good one, Emily! You’ve been SUCH a good girl.A guy’s girl – FOR ONCE.
Emily I sent it only to You and to Oscar!
Victor Don’t you know brothers share? It’s a sharing economy: Bros hang together.
Emily It’s a BEGGAR economy A world of extortion and Protection where Everyone owes you.
Victor
(money hand gesture)
Gotta give some to get some.
Emily You men are HOPELESS. None of you deserves To get fucked EVER Again!
Victor Oh, somebody’s Getting’ fucked here and It ain’t gonna be me!
Emily It certainly won’t! And what is THAT all about? Why is the worst Thing you can insult somebody with is “SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!”? Why make it so bad? You’re always telling us to GROW UP Face desire Then we do and it turns out Our partners are BABIES! Baby extortionists!
Victor Oh get over yourself.
(Sniggering)
Let passion rule Idiots – while the Movers & Shakers sit pretty! We’re having Too much fun.
Emily I can’t figure out Why we play with You toddlers.
Victor Hormones, I’m guessin’. We’re the only game in town.
(Emily pulls out her own phone, clicks, smiles ruefully, shakes her head)
Emily Look at her there – She’s so sweet Such an angel. She’s Manet’s Olympia Goya’s Naked Maja – Look at her – She’s so happy. She’s so trustful in love Thinking Life’s About to begin. Don’t you know Beauty when you see it? Lift your head Out of the gutter! But you snoozed during art class You don’t want to wake up.
Victor Art class is for PUSSIES!
(spits)
Here’s REAL art for you!
(Showing her his film)
Emily Oh Victor YOU DIDN’T.
Victor Oscar made Darla bleed. Oscar made her come! She’s no goddess after all. Did she tell you What his cock’s like? Spics are hung like donkeys – They gotta be – Squirtin’ over the fence Spreadin’ their seed!
Emily You’re disgusting!
Victor
(Very calm and in charge)
I’m SUCCESSFUL. I’m EFFECTIVE. Oscar fights with Darla Coach sees our movie Coach says BYE BYE We own the school.
Emily You said you wouldn’t Hurt people!
Victor Haven’t YOU Done things you said You’d never do?
Emily Why’s Oscar blame Darla?
Victor “Cause he sees she’s a whore. Like every other slutty Fallen girl.
Emily Like ME you mean? Is that what you mean?
Victor Men rule Girls drool Who’s the fool?
Emily
(She turns away from him)
You’ve got a point there. You showed Oscar your movie?
Victor
(Gleeful excitement)
Oscar went ripshit! He Threatened to KILL her!
Emily Over some PICTURES?
Victor
(Acts all innocent, toeing the dust)
I did mention he might be wrong About her virginity.
Emily Victor! You are a Rabblerouser! Darla Was incontestably One hundred percent virgin! You know it and I know it!
Victor
(slyly)
Well, she ain’t no more. So Nobody proves nothin’. Girls go under the knife Get changed all the time.
(She pushes him away from her in disgust)
Emily And it doesn’t even matter! It’s all stupid anyway!
Victor It DOES matter! No man wants to Honor a SLUT.
Emily You guys are the sluts! Why demand trust when We can’t ever trust you? Don’t you get it? GAME OVER, I’m telling you. Game over!
Victor
(Very superior)
Men CAN’T be sluts Sweetheart. It’s not in the rulebook. Everyone knows. You just Ask around.
Emily You are PITIFUL. I am so done with this place. You think Oscar might Hurt Darla?
Victor
(Excited)
Oh, Oscar went off. He was Waving a KNIFE.
(Making crazy face then seeing her expression, excuses)
Hey, it’s not MY fault.
Emily It totally is!
Victor It’s not my fault In any court of law! Now WHO’S the one snoozing Through civics and Dare. I didn’t say Kill the bitch! That’s all HIS idea. My conscience is CLEAR. And by the way, sister You’re in this To your eyebrows.
Boys’ Locker Room. (Pinups, graffiti and team fight posters. Oscar suiting up in full quarterback regalia while Victor emerges from behind the open locker door to watch enviously)
Victor So – How’s it hangin’?
Oscar
(With relish)
I’m a man, bro! Thought I was a grown but I was only a baby; I knew nothing. Real manhood Comes in the arms of The most beautiful woman on earth.
Victor Right you are! That’s One hot chick.
(He makes certain Oscar can see the pic displayed. Oscar bites.)
Oscar What’s that, my bro? Where’d you get that?
Victor
(Very cool)
Everyone’s got it. Clint’s got it Rocky’s got it and Cody sent it – all From Darla’s phone.
Oscar
(Building rage)
Darla sent? That’s not Possible!
Victor Sure! Sent by Darla – with Some hot message – I forget what Why not ask him? Question Everyone.
Oscar No! I don’t believe it!
Victor Hey – should a chick who looks like this Keep it to herself? She belongs to the world – Once those pics escape – They’re everyone’s treasure. Stokin’ strokes The universe around. I say Long live the hotties That keeps us a-boilin’!
Oscar
(Strikes the phone from Victor’s hand)
Callin’ Darla A whore man? Is that what this is? Well? Are you?
(He’s scary but Victor calmly rescues his phone)
Victor Oscar, you and I know There’s two kindsa women. It’s not rocket science Telling them apart.
Oscar
(Still very distraught – looks away)
Darla was a virgin.
(Victor laughs – pretends to stifle)
Victor Did she say that?
(Sniggers – what a hoot)
Victor Can’t blame her my man – That’s what they all say – Trying to cuff you.
Oscar
(Struggling with his dignity)
She was a virgin I can promise you. She bled – there was Pain.
Victor
(Dismissive)
God bless modern science! They have cute little ways. It’s only fun playing the game if Everybody knows The score. Too late, now, huh? Right? She safe NOW – can’t nobody Prove her wrong.
(Touches his head)
But players in the know – We know. And we’re the ones who Never get played.
Oscar You’ll never feel What we shared.
(Struggling with emotion looks like he might cry)
Victor
(Grabbing him)
There’s ways to get wise, bro. Was she all over you? Did she know What to do? How’s a truly innocent girl Learn that dirty stuff?
Oscar She wanted to Please me. We were Sharing our souls!
Victor Yeah she did!
(Looking at his phone)
This don’t look like Soul-sharing to me! Looks like Ball dandling and Booby sucking! Thot tricks! Someone’s got A new booby tonight!
Oscar Does EVERYONE have this?
Victor It’s too good to keep private. Community property Keeps everyone fed.
(Oscar collapses on the bench, head in hands)
Oscar We wanted All of each other – I thought – We fit together so right!
Victor
(Very paternal – hand on Oscar’s shoulder)
Did she come, man? That’s the key- Virgins CAN’T come The first time It’s technically Impossible!
Oscar
(Reeling from the pain)
I wanted to share The bliss that she gave me.
(Breaks down sobbing – Victor is thrilled with power)
Victor You been cuck’d, man!
(Fake commiseration)
My poor, hurting brother. You trade yourself so Cheap. Real men Keep eyes open. Once You let her rule – Sacrifice manhood to pleasure You’ve lost all control. You’re cuck’d.
Oscar Cuck’d!
(This is worse than he’d figured)
Victor Hear the bros laughing? You sucked on her Titties like some monster big baby You went down Till lockjaw set in Tossed her salad Licked her taint For the world’ entertainment.
Oscar
(Rises up raging like a crazy gorilla – throws Victor off – banging between the metal lockers – making animal noises – like he’ll pull the place down)
Argh!!! Argh argh argh!!!!
Victor
(Thrilled – afraid and amused – he wants on this wild ride)
Whoa, Nellie! Hang on to Your reason, Get a grip on Your manhood! Exercise CONTROL my brutha.
Oscar
(shaking him like a rat)
I’m cuck’d My manhood’s GONE! Cuck’d! I gave it away!
Victor
(Teeth chattering, he tries to calm his beast)
Seek revenge, Brutha! Stand up for who you are! No man’s cuck’d Without his Permission.
Oscar What’s left for me In this world? I’m a dead man!
Victor
(abracadabra hands)
Throw it back in her face! Tell her She “fell” for your Quarterback strategy – Tell her YOU made that Movie – YOU were the one Determined to score. Turn the tables! Who is king? Be Your father and his father Your grandfather before you! You know what they stood for. Women are like ponies Made to be broken.
Oscar
(Drops Victor, collapses, clutching his heart)
Too late. It’s all gone. She took my manhood. I got no honor left.
Victor
(Impatient)
Rise up my brother Throw off this oppression Tell her she’s DONE. Stand tall! Take your life back. Be a man! Your brothers WANT to look up to you.
Oscar
(Rising slowly)
Take my life back. A life for a life.
Victor
(Dancing a little jig – he has no idea where this is going but he’s happy to go along)
Counting coup, brother! Take a scalp! Take A trophy!
Oscar She needs to PAY!
Victor
(Crowing)
She’s gotta be SCHOOLED – schooled by
(Trying to high – five an unseeing Oscar)
The Master!
Oscar She must KNEEL
Victor
(Dancing)
She’s gotta KNEEL!
Oscar Time for her to PRAY
Victor
(Boo-ga-loo)
She’s gotta PRAY!
Oscar
(Pulling open switchblade)
Then she DIES
(thrusting, stabbing moves)
Victor
(Incredulous – frozen – hides a giggle)
She DIES?
Oscar A man fights! Men seek revenge! Women must pay!
Victor
(Rapid recovery – loving what he’s hearing)
Time to Get your manhood back! ‘Cause otherwise you’re
(They say it together, staring out at the audience)
at the Football Field– Victor’s Rap. (Prom music playing while Oscar and Darla, under confetti-filled pink light and dressed in prom finery, sway close together gazing into each other’s eyes. Victor appears at the top of graffiti-covered scoreboard, rhythmically pounding his chest & rapping to the music)
Victor Life is HARSH Life is CRUEL Look for justice and You’re a FOOL Man’s got BLOOD Man’s got SWEAT Without stone courage Ain’t nothing to GET Gotta have WILES Gotta be CLEVER Gotta think faster Gotta plan BETTER Keep yo PITY Freeze yo TEARS Kids comin’ up today Deserve yo JEERS. They ain’t SMART They got NOTHIN’ Tryin’ to take you They’ll try ANYTHING Winners don’t SLEEP Losers don’t EAT The king can’t trust The hos at his FEET Can’t trust his MEN Can’t trust his “FRIENDS” King’s got steel Instead of “AMENS” King’s got GUNS King’s got PILLS Only the King KNOWS WHAT THE GAME IS We’re the knowers We’re the deciders Who’s the RIDER and Who the RIDE IS: Last minute trap Last minute DEAD ‘Cause the King’s got eyes In the back of his HEAD. “Pleasure doing business” Says the little lamb Just before King Hits the Grand slam: Boom! They drop DOWN Boom! They go FALL Never knowed nothing Hit them at all.
(Lights out on Victor, satisfied, arms crossed.)
Scene 3: (Darla & Oscar, on the Football Field in their prom clothes, dance alone in a spotlight; eyes only on each other. The couple spins, dips, his hands all over her)
Oscar Oooooo… That was some pic Some beauty You made just for me.
Darla Only for you. I never shaved before ‘cause I never wanted to – Much less take nudies. But for you I’m your Anything.
Oscar Anything?
Darla Anything.
(He holds her closer)
Oscar You’re only for me, darlin’ I’m only for you.
(Long lingering kiss)
You’re so hot. Why you so hot? Are you hot for me?
Darla I never knew What “hot” was Till I saw you And then I Burned. O, Baby how I burned!
(She writhes in his arms)
I wanted all of you! I’m so hot right now!
Oscar I did that?
Darla You did that.
Oscar Well now we’re alone.
Darla Finally! I never thought We’d get out of there.
Oscar Just you. Just me.
Darla Nothing we can’t do!
Oscar Nothing we can’t take!
Darla Nobody else around.
Oscar Nothing we can’t have! Just me. Just You. And what I want To do to you.
Darla Teach me. Take me. School me. Break me. I want you to be my Everything.
Oscar You know what that means. Once a man starts – You know he can’t stop.
Darla I don’t want you to stop.
(In the faint light, Victor appears at the bottom of the score sign, arms crossed, watching. Darla pulls away and begins a slow strip tease, Victor clicking photos on his phone)
Darla I want to be naked Naked for you.
Oscar Holy Mother you Are so beautiful!
(Oscar struggles with his clothes, they fall down wrestling together – clothes off. Lights fade.)
Darla’s bedroom. (Darla sprawled on canopy bed. Enter Emily carrying a big bowl of popcorn – both girls wear pajamas)
Darla Oh, Emily, I’m in love!
(rolls from side to side)
Why didn’t you tell me What passion is like? You’ve been holding Out on me!
Emily Cool your tits, Angel. You tell ME What IS love like? I’ve never felt it.
Darla
(sits up abruptly)
Oh, stop it! What you been Doing with Victor Ever since grade school!
Emily Can’t seem to escape him.
Darla Oh Emily Don’t be such a stone face. Did you fight with Victor? You know I’m ALWAYS on your side. Relationships take work.
Emily That’s what they say. I just realized Victor and I Have nothing in common.
Darla If you’re wanting out Just tell him to go. I did it with Rocky. It Wasn’t so hard. He made boo-hoo faces And then it was over.
Emily
(Sad laugh)
It’s too late now. There’s no point. You know Victor – he’d make My life hell. Besides – Auditioning new guys Turns girls into sluts. It ain’t worth it. I’ll wait Till college to make a fresh start.
Darla So tell me, Emily ‘Cause I’m growing up and I need to know – Did you do it? Do “The nasty?”
Emily Not TECHNICALLY Telling the truth “Plausible deniability”.
When my Gran asks – And she asks all the time – I want to deny it.
Darla That’s too bad. I’m not judging. Believe me. It just sounds Kinda sad. Maybe Victor’s NOT Right for you. I always thought I’d wait till marriage. But lately I BEEN FEELING it… Feeling that Tingle.
(she shivers all over)
Emily Which tingle is that?
Darla
(Touches her thighs)
THIS tingle. Like I want to get WITH him And let him release me. I got fire building up inside – I’m so sick of virginity It’s really exhausting. I just long to be HELD – You know – penetrated – INFUSED.
Emily Wow, girl! You feel that for Oscar?
Darla
(Falls back dreamily)
I want to give myself TOTALLY. Let him Strip me stark naked and do Whatever he wants.
Emily Whoa girl! Believe me There’s only one thing they want. And you could be sorry. Forever after.
Darla Oh, who cares? Gotta woman up At some point. I’m facing Maturity. Sick Of seeing a world through Saran-Wrap and Being called “Ice Rink”. You KNOW that’s what they call me – Don’t you deny it I’m starting to get Freezer burn!
(They both laugh)
Emily But girl, it’s so random! Why now? And why him?
Darla It’s not random AT ALL! Have you seen Oscar? He’s so DREAMY You can tell right away he’s different He’s so handsome and big!
Emily That’s not new.
Darla He’s so sweet –
Emily So is Clint. So is Cody.
Darla But they don’t like real girls. They want “avatars”. Or each other. Or whatever.
Emily Rocky adored you.
Darla Rocky’s a faker. Rocky’s a fake MAN. They’re all little boys.
Emily I think I know what you mean Darla – and Victor – he’s The worst of the lot.
Darla I’ll help you get away Anytime you want.
Emily He’s a cheater.
Darla I think he likes bragging. Heard him talk about Brandy! He’s SO Disrespectful.
Emily But Brandy’s a slut. You gotta admit.
Darla
(Fingering her cross)
She’s a real human person.
(Moonily)
Oscar’s so sympathetic Oscar CRIES easily! His tears are for real. He’s not ashamed To weep right in front of me. Those others are posers.
Emily I know THAT’s true. We’re all Trying for something we’re not.
Darla You’re too hard on yourself, Emily, you think too much And that’s the truth.
Emily High school is hell.
Darla But maybe it can be different! I mean, if people are Respectful. Oscar’s a MAN Who honors his women He puts them on Pedestals!
Emily So why did he cry?
Darla When I took his ring. If you could have been there! He has such soft eyes, but He’s so manly, and he’s So talented! Did you see His football workout? Gorgeous Deep chest, long thighs With dimples, and He treats me so well!
(She whispers)
He calls me his Queen!
Emily
(laughing)
Girl, you’ve got it bad.
Darla But Oscar is special! Oh, Emily, admit! He went down on ONE KNEE To ask me to prom! What guy here would do that?
Emily You’re right. They’re all Cunts.
Darla But aren’t cunts all female?
Emily Cunts are anyone two-faced Vicious and scheming.
Darla But WE’RE not like that.
Emily Some girls are and You know it Shamers and Haters. Plotters and Backstabbers. Jealous and Mean.
Darla You shouldn’t say that. I want Oscar To love my poor cunt That’s never been loved Not once in its life.
Emily OmiGOD Darla You’re courting disaster! Who’d think those words Would come out of the mouth Of Darla the prude!
Darla
(laughing)
I know, right? My Dad would DIE!
Emily EVERYONE would die!
Darla I would get a labia ring If Oscar wanted me to.
Emily Darla! You’re CRAZY!
Darla Of course I’m crazy! Oh Emily, you know What I’m feeling Love is magic, Love is Powerful, Love Dignifies everything. To tell you the truth I don’t think my poor Dad Ever had it – Most Grownups don’t and that’s why Old folks conspire For us to be lonely And empty and withered And just be Like them.
Emily You could be right there.
Darla Well, Oscar’s no cunt and He’s not a prick either: He’d Love me so gentle I’d never be scared. He kisses so tender… Says we’re “touring heaven”.
Emily Oh wow. Now I’m jealous.
Darla Every girl deserves this! We DESERVE to be courted. Get our flowers, our Moonlight, Chocolate kisses, Body healing.
Emily Victor would say it’s “Low-T”.
Darla You’ve got to Get rid of that guy! That guy’s a menace! His mind poisons everything And the other guys follow Then WE’RE the ones begging.
Emily Darla! YOU’VE Never had to beg.
Darla And I’ve been alone Taking my gay cousin to dances Year after year Fighting off Cody Then fighting off Rocky. I’ve never wanted to “Play the game” – That’s why we’re friends ‘cause You don’t either. The boys want us to – What’d you call it? They want us to “Audition” and you –
Emily Prefer the hell that I know. I see what you mean. Sure hope College is different.
Darla Don’t we deserve Real love? Doesn’t Brandy?
Emily Hey girl you’re converting Me. Maybe we’ve been unlucky In this depraved gene pool. Maybe someplace Nerds blossom – Want girls instead of video – And the guys you can talk to Become the guys you can cuddle.
Darla I’ll drink to that! Wine cooler? I’ve got peach and I’ve Got pineapple.
(loudly opens a pair of cans – they toast. Darla says dreamily)
I don’t need college I’ll go where Oscar goes. If he asks me to marry him I would say yes.
(Emily sits on the bed stuffing popcorn like she’s at the movies)
Emily You are TOO MUCH, Darla! You go girl! But I gotta say I hope We all sober up someday.
Darla I guess I’m just high. I’m high on LO-OOVE.
Emily You are hormonal is what. But I kind of like it Crazy. I mean what kind of world Would we have if girls could make choices And guys weren’t Trying to trick us? It’d be PARADISE.
Darla Now you see what I mean! Some guys are so rare When you know You just KNOW! Emily, Tell me the truth. Do you think I’m beautiful?
Emily EVERYONE thinks you’re beautiful You should KNOW That by now. If you have no confidence There’s no hope for the rest of us That’s for sure.
Darla It’s what Oscar thinks That worries me. Seen pix of his family?
(Emily shakes her head)
Six sisters – gorgeous and dark Multiply curvy with Hair to their waists. They’re ALL way – way – WAY Prettier than me.
Emily Darla – Blond girls are PRIZED. You’re a “white tiger” Something Oscar hasn’t seen. Nobody wants the familiar.
Darla Here’s what I’m thinking: Don’t girls share their bodies With the man that they love? Don’t all guys want Nudies? That’s what I’m wondering.
(Gestures down at her body)
Do you think THIS Could be beautiful?
Emily Every part of YOU Is beautiful!
Darla You think? I’m so shy! Maybe he’d Get all turned off? Would he snigger?
Emily That’s impossible. Who could snigger at ANYONE As lovely as you? I hope Oscar is really different.
Darla I know that he is. I don’t want to scare him but I want him to know how I feel.
Emily Oscar’s your paradise. Mine is a college Where men look at nudes Without sniggering.
Darla Oscar IS my paradise. I don’t care about any man but him. If he wanted to show my Nudie I’d let him.
Emily Men are such scorekeepers They score us and grade us – Maybe your Beauty will silence them.
Darla I imagine Oscar and me For our first “forever” Undressing together Like Adam and Eve.
Emily I hate to break it but There’s no motel Moonlight; There’s only fluorescence Like the meat rack at Safeway. That’s Cruelest on blondes. Were you thinking Backseats or Dunes at the beach?
Darla
(Jumps up pacing)
That is NOT what I Picture: I see us Like children: Tangled in clover Asleep in the sun.
Emily Maybe it’s too late For all of us. Boys love porn more than Beer, and now They’re all addicted.
Darla Not Oscar! Porn’s against his religion! Oscar’s religious!
Emily I know they SAY that but Is it true? Maybe They can’t help it: That stuff’s in the air Their fathers and brothers Are watching it too Summer camp, Boy scouts: Their world’s a pornado.
Darla
(Worried)
So what’s he expect? Now You’ve got me all scared. How can I be sexy Without being a porn star?
Emily We need pix! We need Glamor. We need Flattering lighting. Believe me I’ve been there I’ve got pix of my own.
Darla No, really?
(Emily offers her phone)
Wow! Who’d know That was you You’re like some sort Of goddess!
Emily They’ve GOT to stay secret; this is Not a good look for College admissions.
Darla
(Looking down her pajama bottoms)
I need some self-tanner! I look like Perdue chicken; my Poor scrawny pussy Has never seen daylight. How could I think Oscar would want this?
Emily You just need landscaping Sister, all of us do I swear it’s no biggie.
Darla I’m gonna get zits!
Emily Not if I moisturize. I’ll use a fresh razor; trust A sensitive blade; Wielded by Someone who loves you.
Darla Emily – you’re so poetic! You really would do that?
Emily Moisturize first and Moisturize after. That’s my guarantee.
Darla I’ll be dripping down there!
Emily You’re ALREADY Dripping and That’s the point!
(They both laugh)
Darla
(Grabs Emily’s drink and throws herself backwards on the bed)
No more booze for you! I need a steady hand All the help I can get – We can’t expect poor Oscar To see through a jungle!
Emily Lucky I’m sleeping over! I brought my whole kit.
(produces cosmetics case)
Strip off those undies. Let’s get this Party started.
Darla God – it’s so Embarrassing!
Emily Less embarrassing than The salon with a stranger – I’ve been there, too. You spend cash money To get treated like shit! They give you diseases Like some Chinese fungus You NEVER get rid of Then say it’s your fault.
Darla
(Slipping out of her pajama bottoms – Emily blocks our view)
Is this going to hurt?
Emily Not as much as tattoos And you’ve got one of those.
Darla I’m getting another – “I Love Oscar” in Spanish.
Emily
(Noise of whipped scream dispenser)
You better careful ‘Cause foreigners lie – Just to make us look stupid. Brandy asked for “Prosperity” And it really says “Whore”. Don’t move. I’ll leave a nice Landing strip.
Darla
(sighs ecstatically)
For Oscar to touchdown!
(She lies back – submitting)
Wish I’d studied Spanish Instead of stupid old French.
Emily We all should speak Mandarin According to my Gran.
Darla I’ll let Oscar choose My tattoo – He’ll know what to say.
Emily Men really like that.
Darla Here’s hoping. Ooooo – it tickles!
Emily You don’t have so much So this part is easy.
Darla
(Giggles)
Feels weird knowing You’re the one who’s Touching me there.
Emily Victor says All girls are lesbos.
Darla Victor says? We’ve established that Victor is crazy. Don’t listen to him.
Emily He says that’s why Men dominate; ‘cause We don’t really need them. If we had any choice He thinks we’d get rid of them! I told him who wouldn’t go Lesbo when Men are so awful and Dicks ain’t that pretty.
Darla I bet all of Oscar Is beautiful Strong, dark and –
Emily Handsome – yeah – I heard it the first time. I need some water.
(She empties popcorn in a handy backpack and enters bathroom. We hear running water.)
Darla Bet Oscar won’t manscape.
Emily Well, he should. He’s A bear.
Darla I like him warm and Furry. It makes it So real.
Emily
(Returning)
Smooth and hairless – That’s what Victor is. Spread ‘em Sister.
(Darla shrieks with laughter)
Emily DO NOT MOVE. This is the tough part. Hold your breath. DO NOT LAUGH DO NOT GIGGLE. Think of Oscar Stark naked.
Darla
(sighs rapturously)
I hope he Trades me a selfie!
Emily Men love showing off. Why shouldn’t they? Without repercussions They do what they feel. Almost done – That’s a good girl.
Darla Prom night’s the night. But I’m scared Do you bleed?
Emily Slow down, girl! If you go all the way You need to think Birth control!
Darla Nobody gets pregnant The first time!
(Excitement ripples Darla – Emily inhales a gasp)
Emily That might not be true. Better Check yourself before you Wreck yourself!
Darla I don’t like all this planning! Men think planners are Sluts. Don’t men do the birth control? My Dad’s all “condoms condoms Condoms” like it’s some sort of Prayer. Not to me, naturally But I overhear when He talks to the team.
Emily You could just tell him You don’t want to go All the way the first time! Then enlist Some doctor’s help.
Darla But I want to Belong to him totally! I want him in the pilot seat Making all the decisions.
Emily What if you get knocked up?
Darla That’s God’s to decide.
Emily You could be really sorry Oscar might dump you.
Darla You don’t know Oscar. Family’s everything to him. Sticking together and Blood relations are RELIGION To him. Our baby will Connect usForever and ever! You’ve got to admit – a kid Gets you out of the Cheating and lying game.
Emily Hold still. No more moving. Victor says all men cheat.
Darla He’s insecure. I can’t see Oscar cheating He’s got tattoos Of his mother AND Virgin Mary RIGHT ON HIS CHEST!
Emily Some girls like a challenge And men have no willpower. There you go! All done! Towel yourself off And admire your BALDNESS.
(Hands her a towel and mirror)
Darla Wow, thanks Em Such a friend. It looks much less scary And more like a child. But it feels so strange. Feels so NAKED – Am I beautiful now?
Emily You were beautiful BEFORE And now you are perfect!
Darla Get my phone! Time for Photos! Lay my hand Just like this and You can see Oscar’s ring.
Emily Gotta see face or This shot could be anybody.
(She pulls bed curtain to obscure audience’s vision, unshades lamp for lighting)
Darla Will he like it?
Emily Of course he’ll like it! I just pressed send.
Darla
(snuggling with comforter)
Let me see. Oh, wow! When will he answer? How long must I wait?
Emily Don’t lose any sleep – Tonight’s the team dinner, And they can’t have their phones. It’s all your Dad’s rules.
Darla Can you IMAGINE No phones? What gets into old people? Why are they weird?
Emily Just jealous, I guess. We’re still young and beautiful – they’re So old and hopeless. They wish they were us.
Darla You’re probably right.
(Arms reaching up)
Let’s watch a scary movie.
Emily I’ve got the scariest! Screwfly Solution – parasites From outer space Oozing into everybody.
Darla Oooooooo!
(Emily pulls the curtains and jumps into bed – Darla touches remote -Lights fade blue light shines on their faces as the two cuddle together.)
Alysse Aallyn 