(SCENE 7: Lights out on them and up on BO who has made it to the stage where he finds the rope tied to a rock.)
BO
Vayre? Vayre? Oh, my God, Wendy where are you?
(He falls backwards. She appears around the rock adjusting her pants.)
VAYRE
No need to shriek like a little girl.
BO
You almost gave me a heart attack! I thought I was alone down here! What’s with this?
(Shakes the rope)
This wasn’t part of our deal!
VAYRE
Keep your shirt on! I had to take a pee!
BO
You can pee with a rope tied to your waist!
VAYRE
Who elected you the God of pee?
BO
And I was risking my life FOR YOU among the bat carcasses!
VAYRE
I warned you never to say that word!
(BO produces the program and hands it to her.)
BO
(Starts untying the rope from the rock)
I fulfilled MY part of our bargain. Now you put this right back on!
VAYRE
What for? We’re standing six inches apart!
BO
So we NEVER get separated again! Don’t you see, it’s a miracle you found your way back! Down here that’s no joke! We’re DEAD if we don’t get out together.
VAYRE
I was right over there! I wasn’t getting lost. No one sets out to get lost. Hmmm. Let me guess: you’re the child of divorce.
BO
Who isn’t? I thought all marriages immediately expired after fifteen years.
VAYRE
Seven years in MY parents’ case. But mine isn’t going to.
BO
But how can you stop it? Seems everyone just goes crazy after a set period of time. We have different set points is all.
VAYRE
But can’t a couple like, evolve together?
BO
(Finding this sexy)
Into what…a new species?
VAYRE
(Ditching the program)
This isn’t it! You’ve lost my map! Now we have to operate on theory alone.
BO
Sounds dangerous. Which theory are you using?
VAYRE
Unified field? If we’re acting like waves and they’re acting like
particles then –
BO
I operate on Meeny-Miny-Mo theory. YOU lost it. So it’s your turn to go search.
(Begins tying the rope to her waist)
If I tug three times…
VAYRE
(Gulping)
You know I can’t do that! What about the bat carcasses?
BO
Then we’ll go together. We’ll trust our instincts. We’ll…evolve.
(He passes a loop of rope around her drawing her closer to him.)
VAYRE
You now, it’s funny. I’m not scared when you’re here.
BO
(Looking down realizes they are securely bound together)
Then I suggest we make camp.
VAYRE
Make camp! With a half bottle of Gatorade and a power bar?
BO
Sure! Wait for THEM to find US.
(She throws a loop of rope around him)
VAYRE
Help, help.
(Not like she means it.)
How long do we wait?
BO As long as it takes, Wendy Vayre.
(They are securely bound hip to hip. Tentative kisses.)
VAYRE
Let’s hope it takes forever, Darcy.
(More kisses)
I’m a little concerned about your friend.
BO
MY friend? Not your friend?
VAYRE
If Rev finds your friend she’s probably strangling him right now.
BO
Why? Is she a mean girl?
VAYRE
She’s mad at you guys over this whole caving thing. She doesn’t like that many people and she’d HATE you.
(Throws her arms around his neck.)
BO
What’s so hate-worthy about me?
VAYRE
That this bad, bad date was your idea.
BO
I’m a bad date, am I?
(They start kissing passionately.)
VAYRE
You have your good side. But seriously! This is the worst!
BO
Worst place you’ve ever hooked up? Seriously?
VAYRE
Who says we’re hooking up?
BO
Right. No hookups. We’re…evolving. That’s how I interpret it.
VAYRE
Interpretations aren’t reality. What if we never see each other again?
BO
Fat chance of that when we’re entangled!
VAYRE
Listen buddy, I can imagine the future.
BO
Well, stop it. People get into a lot of trouble over that. You’re a prophet now?
VAYRE
Yeah. And I’m usually right.
BO
I’m ready to be surprised.
(Thinks)
Unless you decide you never want to see me again.
VAYRE
That depends.
BO
It DEPENDS? On what? On how we evolve?
VAYRE
On how good you are at getting us out of here. I mean, are you just a handsome dolt, or what?
BO
(Very gratified)
You think I’m handsome?
VAYRE
(Running her hands up and down his arms)
I think you’re very good looking.
BO
You should have seen me in high school! I had a serious case of pizza face.
VAYRE
Everyone’s hopeless in high school. I was flat as a board.
BO
You? Flat?
(He tests it out)
VAYRE
As a BOARD.
(More kissing)
I warn you, my standards are high. Don’t start anything you can’t finish.
BO
You can afford to have high standards. But you’re lucky with me. I’m a finisher.
VAYRE
You are?
BO
Big time. You know I‘m the first in my family to go to this college?
VAYRE
I’m impressed.
BO
That’s why I’m determined to be a doctor. Unless they kick me out first.
VAYRE
They wouldn’t do that.
BO
Grades, money. They’re always on my case.
VAYRE
Why’s that?
BO
I do finally get there but…I’m slow.
VAYRE
That’s not a bad thing. I like a guy who paces himself. You don’t know how to talk to them, probably. Bureaucratese is a who separate language.
BO
Ain’t that the truth! The dean keeps sending me these emails and –
VAYRE
You ignore them, am I right?
BO
I can never make up my mind what they want me to say.
VAYRE
I’ll tell you what to say. When they pull that on you, go plant yourself in his office, shake the emails at them and demand, “How is this happening?”
BO
I can’t see me doing that. I get tongue tied. I can see YOU doing it. I can see you winning at it, too!
VAYRE
You don’t win UNLESS you do it.
BO
Yeah, well I’m not a pretty girl. Pretty girls get whatever they want.
VAYRE
You think I’m pretty? My Mom says my nose is too big.
BO
She’s jealous. Tell her she can’t talk to you like that.
VAYRE
I can’t see ME telling her that, but I can see you doing it! And getting away with it!
BO
I’d tell her in a heartbeat.
VAYRE
Here’s an idea: you go with me to Thanksgiving and I’ll go with you to the dean’s office. Deal?
BO
Deal and done!
VAYRE
That’s if we ever get out of here.
BO
Oh, we’re getting out of here! We’ll get out here if I have to dig a path to the surface!
VAYRE
My lucky day when I found you!!
BO
(Unwrapping rope)
Let’s start now!
VAYRE
But what about our friends? We have to find them!
BO
Maybe they’re already out of here. Why should we rescue them if they wouldn’t rescue us!
VAYRE
We would have seen them!
BO
Maybe they don’t want to be interrupted.
VAYRE
Believe me, my friend wants to be “interrupted”.
BO
Is your friend a good wrestler?
VAYRE
What do you want to know THAT for?
BO
Because Hedj is not as strong as he looks. I can take him. His only advantage is surprise.
VAYRE
Rev is a champion kickboxer. She’s never surprised. She always expects THE WORST.
(She feels his muscles appreciatively)
BO
Then she’ll be fine. Seriously, it’s time to get out of here. It’s all you can eat taco night.
VAYRE
Crispy or soft?
BO
Crispy all the way. Those things are like giant Doritos.
VAYRE
Let’s agree to disagree. We’re finding our friends.
(They try to step apart but…)
VAYRE
Guess you’ll have to untie me.
BO
I might loosen your bonds a little.
VAYRE
Just a little.
(Another passionate makeout session)
BO
Now my brain’s in a tailspin.
VAYRE
What’s back that way?
BO
The world?
VAYRE
All you can eat tacos.
BO
Civilization! And back that way?
VAYRE
Cold, dark emptiness.
BO
We’ve been wrong before.
VAYRE
But if we can’t trust our instincts, what have we got?
BO
Cold dark you-know-what. Let’s go!
(Roped together, they wander off.)
Alysse Aallyn 