Talent Show – Emily’s Poem: Stage apron – (Oscar slumped in a wheelchair wearing stained sweats. Darla feeding him from a baby food jar – Emily dressed in camouflage holding rigid military pose – arms locked behind her – Rocky on drums, Victor on tambourine – all in pseudo-military gear)
Darla Come on, baby Open up! Here comes the Carrot airplane! Who likes carrots? You like carrots!
(Wipes his chin)
Cause carrots make you Strong! Carrots Make you smart! Carrots Make a guy See in the dark, Open up, Big Boy! I’m Comin’ in!
Emily Once I was young Now I’m old I thought I could do anything Except what I was told I didn’t listen I went my way Kids are stupid Children are cruel We don’t learn What we need to know in school. Why is sex? What is love? Why knock me over When I give you a hug?
Everyone warned me – they Said: Hang back And pray! Pray things will get better Don’t volunteer. Don’t be a Bleeding heart, Chill out, have a beer! Don’t be a know-it-all Try not to fear. Wait for an invite. Wait for a year.
I didn’t listen Cause I thought I knew more Something I wanted Was out past the bores Something was calling me Needing Commanding Summoning me.
(Darla wipes Oscar’s chin and positions the wheelchair so Oscar can see Emily better.)
Now I’ve seen reality And I’m here to tell you That thing I was wanting Was ME All along. I was my friend and I was my lover I was my sister and I was My brother. No one SEEMS caring But if ONE person cared Things gotta get better Till no one is scared. I’ve got the power and now So have you.
(Thumping her heart with a fist)
Now I’m different, now I am changed. Now I’m in motion; Now I’ve got game. Each one evolving In our different ways Here’s hoping – I’m hoping – For YOUR better day.
(Emily bows low. Darla applauds, makes Oscar’s hands applaud. He looks confused but excited)
Darla That was beautiful! Wasn’t that Beautiful, Oscar?
(She tries to wipe his face)
Oscar, are you Crying? Is that a tear? Oh no, I guess That tear’s always there.
(Rocky & Victor come bow with the two girls. Oscar still applauding. THE END.)
Football Field bleachers. (Victor doing what looks like an Indian rain dance – he is beside himself with glee. Enter Emily)
Emily What are you so happy about?
Victor I’m the man! I’m the king!
(Emily stares at him sardonically, arms akimbo)
Emily So, spill – Found somebody’s Credit card under the bleachers?
Victor NO. I’m an Unstoppable Force – I’m a MOVER. I’m the One! Others are just talk – I make things happen! I stir the pot, the pot Bubbles. Stick with me sweetlips And you’ll see the world.
Emily
(Accusingly)
What did you do now?
Victor I showed Oscar His honey’s a whore!
(Wild victory dance)
Emily Darla? You mean her pictures? Her pictures were Wonderful! That girl’s a Goddess. I don’t get you guys! Always demanding We get sexual then Using that to disgrace us!
Victor Don’t act innocent around me, Honey. I know what you did. And Oscar BOUGHT IT!! Guy went Crazy!
(Wild boogie break dancing)
Emily Why you gotta Hate, Victor? Why ruin everyone And everything? That poor fool! If he didn’t want nudies He’s the first guy I’ve heard of. How come he Believed you over Darla? Darla LOVES him. No one’s that stupid.
Victor
(Playing with her hair)
Don’t you pay attention In history class? The bigger the lie The more people believe it. ‘Cause It’s about NIGHTMARES, Baby, we’re controlled by our Nightmares! Everyone’s got ‘em. Play into the NIGHTMARES And people believe.
(he makes his abracadabra gestures in front of her face – she pushes his hands away)
Emily But I thought he loved her! Doesn’t that idiot know How lucky he is?
Victor Love! What’s that even mean?
Emily But why’d he Believe YOU. You’re not his friend.
(Victor shakes the phone at her)
Victor Good one, Emily! You’ve been SUCH a good girl.A guy’s girl – FOR ONCE.
Emily I sent it only to You and to Oscar!
Victor Don’t you know brothers share? It’s a sharing economy: Bros hang together.
Emily It’s a BEGGAR economy A world of extortion and Protection where Everyone owes you.
Victor
(money hand gesture)
Gotta give some to get some.
Emily You men are HOPELESS. None of you deserves To get fucked EVER Again!
Victor Oh, somebody’s Getting’ fucked here and It ain’t gonna be me!
Emily It certainly won’t! And what is THAT all about? Why is the worst Thing you can insult somebody with is “SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!”? Why make it so bad? You’re always telling us to GROW UP Face desire Then we do and it turns out Our partners are BABIES! Baby extortionists!
Victor Oh get over yourself.
(Sniggering)
Let passion rule Idiots – while the Movers & Shakers sit pretty! We’re having Too much fun.
Emily I can’t figure out Why we play with You toddlers.
Victor Hormones, I’m guessin’. We’re the only game in town.
(Emily pulls out her own phone, clicks, smiles ruefully, shakes her head)
Emily Look at her there – She’s so sweet Such an angel. She’s Manet’s Olympia Goya’s Naked Maja – Look at her – She’s so happy. She’s so trustful in love Thinking Life’s About to begin. Don’t you know Beauty when you see it? Lift your head Out of the gutter! But you snoozed during art class You don’t want to wake up.
Victor Art class is for PUSSIES!
(spits)
Here’s REAL art for you!
(Showing her his film)
Emily Oh Victor YOU DIDN’T.
Victor Oscar made Darla bleed. Oscar made her come! She’s no goddess after all. Did she tell you What his cock’s like? Spics are hung like donkeys – They gotta be – Squirtin’ over the fence Spreadin’ their seed!
Emily You’re disgusting!
Victor
(Very calm and in charge)
I’m SUCCESSFUL. I’m EFFECTIVE. Oscar fights with Darla Coach sees our movie Coach says BYE BYE We own the school.
Emily You said you wouldn’t Hurt people!
Victor Haven’t YOU Done things you said You’d never do?
Emily Why’s Oscar blame Darla?
Victor “Cause he sees she’s a whore. Like every other slutty Fallen girl.
Emily Like ME you mean? Is that what you mean?
Victor Men rule Girls drool Who’s the fool?
Emily
(She turns away from him)
You’ve got a point there. You showed Oscar your movie?
Victor
(Gleeful excitement)
Oscar went ripshit! He Threatened to KILL her!
Emily Over some PICTURES?
Victor
(Acts all innocent, toeing the dust)
I did mention he might be wrong About her virginity.
Emily Victor! You are a Rabblerouser! Darla Was incontestably One hundred percent virgin! You know it and I know it!
Victor
(slyly)
Well, she ain’t no more. So Nobody proves nothin’. Girls go under the knife Get changed all the time.
(She pushes him away from her in disgust)
Emily And it doesn’t even matter! It’s all stupid anyway!
Victor It DOES matter! No man wants to Honor a SLUT.
Emily You guys are the sluts! Why demand trust when We can’t ever trust you? Don’t you get it? GAME OVER, I’m telling you. Game over!
Victor
(Very superior)
Men CAN’T be sluts Sweetheart. It’s not in the rulebook. Everyone knows. You just Ask around.
Emily You are PITIFUL. I am so done with this place. You think Oscar might Hurt Darla?
Victor
(Excited)
Oh, Oscar went off. He was Waving a KNIFE.
(Making crazy face then seeing her expression, excuses)
Hey, it’s not MY fault.
Emily It totally is!
Victor It’s not my fault In any court of law! Now WHO’S the one snoozing Through civics and Dare. I didn’t say Kill the bitch! That’s all HIS idea. My conscience is CLEAR. And by the way, sister You’re in this To your eyebrows.
Darla’s bedroom. (Darla sprawled on canopy bed. Enter Emily carrying a big bowl of popcorn – both girls wear pajamas)
Darla Oh, Emily, I’m in love!
(rolls from side to side)
Why didn’t you tell me What passion is like? You’ve been holding Out on me!
Emily Cool your tits, Angel. You tell ME What IS love like? I’ve never felt it.
Darla
(sits up abruptly)
Oh, stop it! What you been Doing with Victor Ever since grade school!
Emily Can’t seem to escape him.
Darla Oh Emily Don’t be such a stone face. Did you fight with Victor? You know I’m ALWAYS on your side. Relationships take work.
Emily That’s what they say. I just realized Victor and I Have nothing in common.
Darla If you’re wanting out Just tell him to go. I did it with Rocky. It Wasn’t so hard. He made boo-hoo faces And then it was over.
Emily
(Sad laugh)
It’s too late now. There’s no point. You know Victor – he’d make My life hell. Besides – Auditioning new guys Turns girls into sluts. It ain’t worth it. I’ll wait Till college to make a fresh start.
Darla So tell me, Emily ‘Cause I’m growing up and I need to know – Did you do it? Do “The nasty?”
Emily Not TECHNICALLY Telling the truth “Plausible deniability”.
When my Gran asks – And she asks all the time – I want to deny it.
Darla That’s too bad. I’m not judging. Believe me. It just sounds Kinda sad. Maybe Victor’s NOT Right for you. I always thought I’d wait till marriage. But lately I BEEN FEELING it… Feeling that Tingle.
(she shivers all over)
Emily Which tingle is that?
Darla
(Touches her thighs)
THIS tingle. Like I want to get WITH him And let him release me. I got fire building up inside – I’m so sick of virginity It’s really exhausting. I just long to be HELD – You know – penetrated – INFUSED.
Emily Wow, girl! You feel that for Oscar?
Darla
(Falls back dreamily)
I want to give myself TOTALLY. Let him Strip me stark naked and do Whatever he wants.
Emily Whoa girl! Believe me There’s only one thing they want. And you could be sorry. Forever after.
Darla Oh, who cares? Gotta woman up At some point. I’m facing Maturity. Sick Of seeing a world through Saran-Wrap and Being called “Ice Rink”. You KNOW that’s what they call me – Don’t you deny it I’m starting to get Freezer burn!
(They both laugh)
Emily But girl, it’s so random! Why now? And why him?
Darla It’s not random AT ALL! Have you seen Oscar? He’s so DREAMY You can tell right away he’s different He’s so handsome and big!
Emily That’s not new.
Darla He’s so sweet –
Emily So is Clint. So is Cody.
Darla But they don’t like real girls. They want “avatars”. Or each other. Or whatever.
Emily Rocky adored you.
Darla Rocky’s a faker. Rocky’s a fake MAN. They’re all little boys.
Emily I think I know what you mean Darla – and Victor – he’s The worst of the lot.
Darla I’ll help you get away Anytime you want.
Emily He’s a cheater.
Darla I think he likes bragging. Heard him talk about Brandy! He’s SO Disrespectful.
Emily But Brandy’s a slut. You gotta admit.
Darla
(Fingering her cross)
She’s a real human person.
(Moonily)
Oscar’s so sympathetic Oscar CRIES easily! His tears are for real. He’s not ashamed To weep right in front of me. Those others are posers.
Emily I know THAT’s true. We’re all Trying for something we’re not.
Darla You’re too hard on yourself, Emily, you think too much And that’s the truth.
Emily High school is hell.
Darla But maybe it can be different! I mean, if people are Respectful. Oscar’s a MAN Who honors his women He puts them on Pedestals!
Emily So why did he cry?
Darla When I took his ring. If you could have been there! He has such soft eyes, but He’s so manly, and he’s So talented! Did you see His football workout? Gorgeous Deep chest, long thighs With dimples, and He treats me so well!
(She whispers)
He calls me his Queen!
Emily
(laughing)
Girl, you’ve got it bad.
Darla But Oscar is special! Oh, Emily, admit! He went down on ONE KNEE To ask me to prom! What guy here would do that?
Emily You’re right. They’re all Cunts.
Darla But aren’t cunts all female?
Emily Cunts are anyone two-faced Vicious and scheming.
Darla But WE’RE not like that.
Emily Some girls are and You know it Shamers and Haters. Plotters and Backstabbers. Jealous and Mean.
Darla You shouldn’t say that. I want Oscar To love my poor cunt That’s never been loved Not once in its life.
Emily OmiGOD Darla You’re courting disaster! Who’d think those words Would come out of the mouth Of Darla the prude!
Darla
(laughing)
I know, right? My Dad would DIE!
Emily EVERYONE would die!
Darla I would get a labia ring If Oscar wanted me to.
Emily Darla! You’re CRAZY!
Darla Of course I’m crazy! Oh Emily, you know What I’m feeling Love is magic, Love is Powerful, Love Dignifies everything. To tell you the truth I don’t think my poor Dad Ever had it – Most Grownups don’t and that’s why Old folks conspire For us to be lonely And empty and withered And just be Like them.
Emily You could be right there.
Darla Well, Oscar’s no cunt and He’s not a prick either: He’d Love me so gentle I’d never be scared. He kisses so tender… Says we’re “touring heaven”.
Emily Oh wow. Now I’m jealous.
Darla Every girl deserves this! We DESERVE to be courted. Get our flowers, our Moonlight, Chocolate kisses, Body healing.
Emily Victor would say it’s “Low-T”.
Darla You’ve got to Get rid of that guy! That guy’s a menace! His mind poisons everything And the other guys follow Then WE’RE the ones begging.
Emily Darla! YOU’VE Never had to beg.
Darla And I’ve been alone Taking my gay cousin to dances Year after year Fighting off Cody Then fighting off Rocky. I’ve never wanted to “Play the game” – That’s why we’re friends ‘cause You don’t either. The boys want us to – What’d you call it? They want us to “Audition” and you –
Emily Prefer the hell that I know. I see what you mean. Sure hope College is different.
Darla Don’t we deserve Real love? Doesn’t Brandy?
Emily Hey girl you’re converting Me. Maybe we’ve been unlucky In this depraved gene pool. Maybe someplace Nerds blossom – Want girls instead of video – And the guys you can talk to Become the guys you can cuddle.
Darla I’ll drink to that! Wine cooler? I’ve got peach and I’ve Got pineapple.
(loudly opens a pair of cans – they toast. Darla says dreamily)
I don’t need college I’ll go where Oscar goes. If he asks me to marry him I would say yes.
(Emily sits on the bed stuffing popcorn like she’s at the movies)
Emily You are TOO MUCH, Darla! You go girl! But I gotta say I hope We all sober up someday.
Darla I guess I’m just high. I’m high on LO-OOVE.
Emily You are hormonal is what. But I kind of like it Crazy. I mean what kind of world Would we have if girls could make choices And guys weren’t Trying to trick us? It’d be PARADISE.
Darla Now you see what I mean! Some guys are so rare When you know You just KNOW! Emily, Tell me the truth. Do you think I’m beautiful?
Emily EVERYONE thinks you’re beautiful You should KNOW That by now. If you have no confidence There’s no hope for the rest of us That’s for sure.
Darla It’s what Oscar thinks That worries me. Seen pix of his family?
(Emily shakes her head)
Six sisters – gorgeous and dark Multiply curvy with Hair to their waists. They’re ALL way – way – WAY Prettier than me.
Emily Darla – Blond girls are PRIZED. You’re a “white tiger” Something Oscar hasn’t seen. Nobody wants the familiar.
Darla Here’s what I’m thinking: Don’t girls share their bodies With the man that they love? Don’t all guys want Nudies? That’s what I’m wondering.
(Gestures down at her body)
Do you think THIS Could be beautiful?
Emily Every part of YOU Is beautiful!
Darla You think? I’m so shy! Maybe he’d Get all turned off? Would he snigger?
Emily That’s impossible. Who could snigger at ANYONE As lovely as you? I hope Oscar is really different.
Darla I know that he is. I don’t want to scare him but I want him to know how I feel.
Emily Oscar’s your paradise. Mine is a college Where men look at nudes Without sniggering.
Darla Oscar IS my paradise. I don’t care about any man but him. If he wanted to show my Nudie I’d let him.
Emily Men are such scorekeepers They score us and grade us – Maybe your Beauty will silence them.
Darla I imagine Oscar and me For our first “forever” Undressing together Like Adam and Eve.
Emily I hate to break it but There’s no motel Moonlight; There’s only fluorescence Like the meat rack at Safeway. That’s Cruelest on blondes. Were you thinking Backseats or Dunes at the beach?
Darla
(Jumps up pacing)
That is NOT what I Picture: I see us Like children: Tangled in clover Asleep in the sun.
Emily Maybe it’s too late For all of us. Boys love porn more than Beer, and now They’re all addicted.
Darla Not Oscar! Porn’s against his religion! Oscar’s religious!
Emily I know they SAY that but Is it true? Maybe They can’t help it: That stuff’s in the air Their fathers and brothers Are watching it too Summer camp, Boy scouts: Their world’s a pornado.
Darla
(Worried)
So what’s he expect? Now You’ve got me all scared. How can I be sexy Without being a porn star?
Emily We need pix! We need Glamor. We need Flattering lighting. Believe me I’ve been there I’ve got pix of my own.
Darla No, really?
(Emily offers her phone)
Wow! Who’d know That was you You’re like some sort Of goddess!
Emily They’ve GOT to stay secret; this is Not a good look for College admissions.
Darla
(Looking down her pajama bottoms)
I need some self-tanner! I look like Perdue chicken; my Poor scrawny pussy Has never seen daylight. How could I think Oscar would want this?
Emily You just need landscaping Sister, all of us do I swear it’s no biggie.
Darla I’m gonna get zits!
Emily Not if I moisturize. I’ll use a fresh razor; trust A sensitive blade; Wielded by Someone who loves you.
Darla Emily – you’re so poetic! You really would do that?
Emily Moisturize first and Moisturize after. That’s my guarantee.
Darla I’ll be dripping down there!
Emily You’re ALREADY Dripping and That’s the point!
(They both laugh)
Darla
(Grabs Emily’s drink and throws herself backwards on the bed)
No more booze for you! I need a steady hand All the help I can get – We can’t expect poor Oscar To see through a jungle!
Emily Lucky I’m sleeping over! I brought my whole kit.
(produces cosmetics case)
Strip off those undies. Let’s get this Party started.
Darla God – it’s so Embarrassing!
Emily Less embarrassing than The salon with a stranger – I’ve been there, too. You spend cash money To get treated like shit! They give you diseases Like some Chinese fungus You NEVER get rid of Then say it’s your fault.
Darla
(Slipping out of her pajama bottoms – Emily blocks our view)
Is this going to hurt?
Emily Not as much as tattoos And you’ve got one of those.
Darla I’m getting another – “I Love Oscar” in Spanish.
Emily
(Noise of whipped scream dispenser)
You better careful ‘Cause foreigners lie – Just to make us look stupid. Brandy asked for “Prosperity” And it really says “Whore”. Don’t move. I’ll leave a nice Landing strip.
Darla
(sighs ecstatically)
For Oscar to touchdown!
(She lies back – submitting)
Wish I’d studied Spanish Instead of stupid old French.
Emily We all should speak Mandarin According to my Gran.
Darla I’ll let Oscar choose My tattoo – He’ll know what to say.
Emily Men really like that.
Darla Here’s hoping. Ooooo – it tickles!
Emily You don’t have so much So this part is easy.
Darla
(Giggles)
Feels weird knowing You’re the one who’s Touching me there.
Emily Victor says All girls are lesbos.
Darla Victor says? We’ve established that Victor is crazy. Don’t listen to him.
Emily He says that’s why Men dominate; ‘cause We don’t really need them. If we had any choice He thinks we’d get rid of them! I told him who wouldn’t go Lesbo when Men are so awful and Dicks ain’t that pretty.
Darla I bet all of Oscar Is beautiful Strong, dark and –
Emily Handsome – yeah – I heard it the first time. I need some water.
(She empties popcorn in a handy backpack and enters bathroom. We hear running water.)
Darla Bet Oscar won’t manscape.
Emily Well, he should. He’s A bear.
Darla I like him warm and Furry. It makes it So real.
Emily
(Returning)
Smooth and hairless – That’s what Victor is. Spread ‘em Sister.
(Darla shrieks with laughter)
Emily DO NOT MOVE. This is the tough part. Hold your breath. DO NOT LAUGH DO NOT GIGGLE. Think of Oscar Stark naked.
Darla
(sighs rapturously)
I hope he Trades me a selfie!
Emily Men love showing off. Why shouldn’t they? Without repercussions They do what they feel. Almost done – That’s a good girl.
Darla Prom night’s the night. But I’m scared Do you bleed?
Emily Slow down, girl! If you go all the way You need to think Birth control!
Darla Nobody gets pregnant The first time!
(Excitement ripples Darla – Emily inhales a gasp)
Emily That might not be true. Better Check yourself before you Wreck yourself!
Darla I don’t like all this planning! Men think planners are Sluts. Don’t men do the birth control? My Dad’s all “condoms condoms Condoms” like it’s some sort of Prayer. Not to me, naturally But I overhear when He talks to the team.
Emily You could just tell him You don’t want to go All the way the first time! Then enlist Some doctor’s help.
Darla But I want to Belong to him totally! I want him in the pilot seat Making all the decisions.
Emily What if you get knocked up?
Darla That’s God’s to decide.
Emily You could be really sorry Oscar might dump you.
Darla You don’t know Oscar. Family’s everything to him. Sticking together and Blood relations are RELIGION To him. Our baby will Connect usForever and ever! You’ve got to admit – a kid Gets you out of the Cheating and lying game.
Emily Hold still. No more moving. Victor says all men cheat.
Darla He’s insecure. I can’t see Oscar cheating He’s got tattoos Of his mother AND Virgin Mary RIGHT ON HIS CHEST!
Emily Some girls like a challenge And men have no willpower. There you go! All done! Towel yourself off And admire your BALDNESS.
(Hands her a towel and mirror)
Darla Wow, thanks Em Such a friend. It looks much less scary And more like a child. But it feels so strange. Feels so NAKED – Am I beautiful now?
Emily You were beautiful BEFORE And now you are perfect!
Darla Get my phone! Time for Photos! Lay my hand Just like this and You can see Oscar’s ring.
Emily Gotta see face or This shot could be anybody.
(She pulls bed curtain to obscure audience’s vision, unshades lamp for lighting)
Darla Will he like it?
Emily Of course he’ll like it! I just pressed send.
Darla
(snuggling with comforter)
Let me see. Oh, wow! When will he answer? How long must I wait?
Emily Don’t lose any sleep – Tonight’s the team dinner, And they can’t have their phones. It’s all your Dad’s rules.
Darla Can you IMAGINE No phones? What gets into old people? Why are they weird?
Emily Just jealous, I guess. We’re still young and beautiful – they’re So old and hopeless. They wish they were us.
Darla You’re probably right.
(Arms reaching up)
Let’s watch a scary movie.
Emily I’ve got the scariest! Screwfly Solution – parasites From outer space Oozing into everybody.
Darla Oooooooo!
(Emily pulls the curtains and jumps into bed – Darla touches remote -Lights fade blue light shines on their faces as the two cuddle together.)
Victor works Emily, his off-again, on-again girlfriend
(Oscar stalks offstage. Victor minces behind him, Rocky vaults over bleachers)
Rocky You’re off course, Victor! Throwin’ shade on Darla!
Victor Hey, bro we discussed this! You want to fend off intruders Or hug them hello? Martial arts says Use their own weight AGAINST THEM Let them knock THEMSELVES down. Achilles had a heel, my Rocky You should know from school history And Oscar’s heel looks like DARLA!!! So let’s bring him to heel. You gotta use bluster! My gift of gab fathers brainworms No soldier can shake! It’s Strategy, man! “Cringe theory!” Makin’ war with their heads! Cringe theory’s my superpower.
Rocky Not if people get hurt!
Victor Quit your puss-ups, My brutha! And don’t be pathetic. It’s toughen or die In this world, little Rocky Gotta go for the prizes The treasures of paradise Don’t fall in your lap. We gotta fight for them – Smarter and better – sink foes in Stupidity – till their filth Swallows them whole and Leaves the field empty. Empty for US.
Rocky Coach says you’re just Cynical: using your brain To avoid all the Sweat and sore muscles.
Victor And what’s wrong with that? Don’t see them bankers out Laboring Stop being a cunt, Rocky. If I prove what I say, are You with me, or not?
Rocky You can’t prove Darla’s A nympho! I know that much For certain.
Victor Won’t YOU be surprised. Can’t trust ME, trust Your own eyes. I can prove anything On anyone – prove Darla’s a nympho and Oscar’s an idiot.He’ll be publicly scorned and Thrown off the team. Do you dare me?
Rocky I dare you. But Don’t let it sink you.
Victor Nothing sinks me – I’m Unsinkable – The only guy here Who’s in charge of himself. Coach did me a favor Kicking me off the team. Now I see the world Truthfully. Let my game play out.
Rocky I’m more confused By your solutions Than even my problems!
(His phone chimes)
Catch your act later Victor – I’m late For detention.
Victor
(To audience)
All these poor boneheads Still “going to school”. This place is a backwater For ignorant jerkwads.
(plays with his phone)
Victor Well I know one person Still comes when I call.
(Emily appears, highly disgruntled, shaking her phone)
Emily What fresh hell is this? Are you crazy?
Victor
(affectionate and conciliatory)
Great to see you too Baby, give Papa a kiss.
(She pushes him away)
Emily I am NOT getting you Sex pics of Darla!
Victor Level the playing field Sugar, you’ve got to just Face it! Darla Thinking she’s special Is harshing your style. She’s slut-shaming you.
Emily
(Despite her best intentions this is getting to her)
She is NOT. We’re Best friends 4-EVA.
Victor
(Deep significance – flashes his phone)
What would she say If she saw THESE? Think she’d be disgusted? Think she’d talk you down?
Emily Stop it! That’s not fair! I was playing a part!
(tearful)
I was only a kid!
Victor Prudes And their body issues – So…what’s wrong with HER body?
Emily Nothing wrong with Darla’s body! You know she’s just shy.
Victor She’s a prude!
Emily She’s got standards.
Victor Hey, I ain’t asking For porno! Nude ladies be art!
(Considers)
Not that pornos are bad. I mean if Darla wanted – You never know what’s lurking Behind Darla’s green door.
Emily Darla has no Green door!
Victor Just one nudie pic – please? And I’ll destroy all of these.
(She snatches for his phone – he holds it just out of reach)
Emily You already SAID you destroyed them!
Victor But honey – they’re So beautiful! So precious To my heart.
Emily Not that one with The blindfold.
Victor Oh, quit your drama! Be glad they ain’t posted.
Emily You sent them to ME! They’ll be somewhere FOREVER.
Victor Grow up “Miss Emily”. Allow Poor space aliens to Get off on your booty!
Emily I NEVER SAID YES. I was asleep for The first ones!
Victor Didn’t you give me your body? You know you did Sugar. Who “Consent” breaks the mood. I’m “equal opportunity –“ sugah – Don’t I send you dic pics?
Emily It’s not even YOUR dick!
Victor Some of them are!
Emily Face it, Victor. Some girls just don’t Want to be filmed.
Victor Don’t you believe it, sister Every chick’s got a Mayadere hiding in her Someplace. Don’t you owe it to history To immortalize This gorgeousness?
(he plays with her hair)
Emily First time I’ve Heard THAT argument. You said I was so “Inadequate” I ought To get implants.
Victor Only if you Want them. I know you Emily. You’re all About Art. “Cinema verité.”
(air quotes)
Making it real and KEEPING it real.
Emily Can’t believe You were listening.
Victor I’ve heard everything You’ve ever said. You talk in your sleep.
Emily Uh oh. Just giving you More ammo.
Victor Let’s say your Outward persona Don’t recognize your Inner child. But You’re safe with me.
Emily If only.
Victor Don’t act so Unwilling. Isn’t “Cinema verité“ about Tagging the unwary? Just shop your moniker!
Emily Fun as this is to Talk about art I’m not creating sex pics Of Darla for your hounds’ Delectation.
Victor Oh, give the dogs SOMETHING. How about pillow fights? Two Naked girls and a whole World of feathers. Now That’s artistic! Or you play With her boobies – I’m sayin – It could Put you through college.
(Emily facepalms in rage and despair, Victor puts arms around her)
Victor
oh honey, if only you saw How beautiful you are. Lucky me! You will never be as gorgeous as You are right this minute.
(Kissing and nuzzling. Emily starts to give in. He nibbles her ear.)
Victor You know we’ve got To get rid of him.
Emily
(Pulling away)
Who? Oscar?
Victor Yes, Oscar. Everything bad ever Started with Oscar.
Emily Leave Oscar alone! Stop trying To get even. And stop Hanging out with mofos like Rocky! He’s got shit for brains!
Victor Rocky’s good people.
Emily I know Rocky’s behind this He just wants revenge porn Because Darla dumped him.
Victor So what? I got Rocky’s back. Maybe Rocky’s just human.
Emily Listen – My gramma says The best revenge Is getting into the college Of your choice.
Victor
(sighs dramatically)
Sugar, Rocky NEEDS this. And He’s too proud to ask.
Emily But Darla’s my FRIEND!
Victor Why you so protective? Think she’s better than you?
Emily Girls got to stay loyal.
Victor You’ve got HER back but What’s SHE done for you? She’s making you look bad.
Emily You guys so stuck on “status” Passing chicks like Sports cards – you Don’t KNOW from friendship. You Don’t understand.
Victor You’re not fooling me Sugar. Remember I’m your Daddy and You talk in your sleep. I know you better than You know yourself. You’re A secret resenter ‘Cause Darla’s got EVERYTHING while You got a broke-ass kid’s bed In the basement of Your grandparents’ house?
Emily Don’t you go draggin’ my Grandfolks! They’ve been So good to me.
Victor
(Smooth change of tack)
Some friend YOU are Standing by while your bestie While she gets herself inseminated With terrorist anchor babies!
Emily
(Disturbed but trying to stay cool)
Who’s drama now?
Victor Them kind don’t Use rubbers. Trust me, my Poptart ‘cause I know the world. They’re all bareback and Rough riding – that’s what they like. Look at the size of him – poor Darla’s got no chance – He wants something He TAKES it! They think Rape is foreplay.
Emily You’re disgusting!
Victor I’m makin’ it real and Keepin’ it real which you PRETEND that you value. Who tells truth If you don’t get it from me? If Darla got pregnant – you know What she’d do.
Emily
(Sighs)
She’d have that damn baby Darla’s a sticker. DAMN – That girl is old school.
Victor So – now you’ve got the chance to Nip this in the bud! That’s what REAL friends would do. Show her Oscar’s true colors!
Emily
(wavering)
How can nudies fix anything?
Victor ‘Cause Oscar will dump her! And Coach will dump HIM!
Emily You’re not helping your “Nudes are art” theory With this “pics are Hand grenades” plot. Make up your mind!
Victor It’s Oscar’s mind I’m Playing with. That guy’s A caveman! You know How they are. Here’s Your chance to expose him!
Emily You’re talking crazy.
Victor Hey, I’ll contain all the Damage. Where are YOUR Nudie pix? Safe and sound!
(pats his phone)
See? You know you can trust me! You know Daddy’s good for it!
Emily But you’re so Conniving – playing Both sides to middle.
Victor Oh, be a guy’s girl for once Like you. claimed To be when You promised yourself to me. Don’t go all Girlie-girl.
(makes what he thinks is a mincing gesture)
Emily This is the whole problem With high school monogamy! We’re such different people In four short years!
Victor
(Offended)
Well, I ain’t no Ken doll.
Emily And I’m no Barbie!
Victor Truthfully – Ain’t it been wonderful How we stick together? You got all your friends’ envy.
Emily ‘Cause they don’t know the truth. They don’t see my Compromise.
(Victor pours on the sugar)
Victor It’s a cold world out there, baby. A girl needs protection.
Emily
(Exhausted)
Oh leave me alone. I can’t cope. You’re like A bulldozing Bloviator.
Alysse Aallyn 