Talent Show – Emily’s Poem: Stage apron – (Oscar slumped in a wheelchair wearing stained sweats. Darla feeding him from a baby food jar – Emily dressed in camouflage holding rigid military pose – arms locked behind her – Rocky on drums, Victor on tambourine – all in pseudo-military gear)
Darla Come on, baby Open up! Here comes the Carrot airplane! Who likes carrots? You like carrots!
(Wipes his chin)
Cause carrots make you Strong! Carrots Make you smart! Carrots Make a guy See in the dark, Open up, Big Boy! I’m Comin’ in!
Emily Once I was young Now I’m old I thought I could do anything Except what I was told I didn’t listen I went my way Kids are stupid Children are cruel We don’t learn What we need to know in school. Why is sex? What is love? Why knock me over When I give you a hug?
Everyone warned me – they Said: Hang back And pray! Pray things will get better Don’t volunteer. Don’t be a Bleeding heart, Chill out, have a beer! Don’t be a know-it-all Try not to fear. Wait for an invite. Wait for a year.
I didn’t listen Cause I thought I knew more Something I wanted Was out past the bores Something was calling me Needing Commanding Summoning me.
(Darla wipes Oscar’s chin and positions the wheelchair so Oscar can see Emily better.)
Now I’ve seen reality And I’m here to tell you That thing I was wanting Was ME All along. I was my friend and I was my lover I was my sister and I was My brother. No one SEEMS caring But if ONE person cared Things gotta get better Till no one is scared. I’ve got the power and now So have you.
(Thumping her heart with a fist)
Now I’m different, now I am changed. Now I’m in motion; Now I’ve got game. Each one evolving In our different ways Here’s hoping – I’m hoping – For YOUR better day.
(Emily bows low. Darla applauds, makes Oscar’s hands applaud. He looks confused but excited)
Darla That was beautiful! Wasn’t that Beautiful, Oscar?
(She tries to wipe his face)
Oscar, are you Crying? Is that a tear? Oh no, I guess That tear’s always there.
(Rocky & Victor come bow with the two girls. Oscar still applauding. THE END.)
Girls Locker Room. (Pop & girly posters – lots of leg & boob. Darla changing out of cheerleader outfit into camisole and ruffled underpants outside highly decorated pink girly locker. Enter Oscar.)
Oscar Hello, babe.
Darla
(Starts to cover up, confused)
Honey! You can’t Come in here!
(Looks around anxiously)
Oscar
(looming over her)
Got my bros at the door. We’ve got nothing but privacy I’ve got
(heavy emphasis)
Nothing but time. You’re Out of time.
Darla
(Struggling to be seductive in this incongruous setting)
Men like it in weird places That’s what I hear.
(Touches him tentatively)
How can I please you?
(He pushes her down roughly on the bench)
Oscar Tell me truth for once!
Darla I never lied to you!
Oscar
(Wailing his woundedness)
Didn’t you send a Strip pic To everyone in school? Insulting me? Dissing me? Smirching my honor? Making them LAUGH?
Darla Never! Girls don’t Share pictures! It’s Only for you!
Oscar I can’t trust you Anymore. You Lie so so so – Beautifully.
(so much pain)
Pretending to be a Virgin! You Fooled me! You Fooled me!
Darla You know I was a virgin – You made me bleed! And were YOU a virgin? What’s it matter Anyway? As long as We love each other.
Oscar
(He shows her the movie on his phone)
Who’s idea was this? Think you’re a porn star? What does that make me? Some kind of toy boy?
Darla Not me, I swear it!
Oscar
(Threateningly)
You’ll bleed For real this time!
(Pulls out his knife)
It’s my right and my Duty. God’s gift and Man’s! Look at this here!
(He shows her his phone)
Does SHE look like a virgin?
Darla
(Throws herself on her knees, grabs his hand)
I didn’t know nothing – I was Trying to love you Best way I saw possible. It seemed that you liked it!
Oscar Men have regrets when There’s honor involved.
Darla They’re liars, Oscar! They hate our Perfection! You can’t –
(He casts her from him)
Oscar
(Sneering)
Don’t tell me what I can or Can’t do! Think I listen to GIRLS? You’re trappers, high-flyers – I was warned about this school. When there’s no prayer there’s WHORES! I hoped This place was different But I see It’s just a snake pit!
Darla I thought you Loved me!
Oscar I thought I did – And then I saw through Your cruel cruel Mask.
Darla
(Trying to rise to her feet to hug him)
Together We can fight them I swear, it’s just you and me Adam and Eve And it’s our brand new world.
Oscar You want me WEAK You wanted a slave out to Stud, a trophy, a trinket To make you look good.
Darla
(Outraged – hands on hips)
NONE of this is true I gave myself to YOU – to To love – and to cherish Not to hurt and to KILL!
Oscar
(He backs away from her sudden power)
You’re trying to smoke me Blinding me helpless With your Vixen Stink.
Darla
(Pleading with him)
So? I’ll change perfume I’ll change anything You find displeasing – Tell me what to do.
Oscar You enslaved me with Your sex. You knew how To handle me – Touched me like a WHORE!
Darla If you’ve been with whores I know how to forgive – I can forgive so much You’d be surprised. We’re together now – I’ll do anything You want –
Oscar You knew too much For a pure girl.
Darla But I made you happy.
Oscar Happy? Do I look happy? I can’t sleep Can’t eat – I’m Cuck’d! They all know it! Laughter Is everywhere Their jeers are a torment!
(Clutches his head)
Oscar Death’s the only answer It’s fair and it’s just – It’s mine to decide and I said You must die.
Darla If I’d hated your sex Would this even be happening?
Oscar Don’t confuse me – With argument The truth’s bad enough.
Darla But I didn’t send that Picture – Emily sent it, and I never filmed anything Or knew anyone would. I still think we’re beautiful. All I can say is I never loved or pleased anyone but you And that made you hate me!
Oscar What about Rocky? What about Clint – About Cody? Your cousin?
Darla
(Dismissively)
Rocky’s a baby. He doesn’t count. Clint prefers boys and with Cody – We were children. My cousin’s like a brother!
Oscar Excuses, excuses. See this teardrop?
(Points to tattoo on his cheek)
This tear is for you It’s for my first kill. There’s no turning back. Now it’s your time to Pray.
Darla Pray? To which of your Gods? The mean one or The forgiver? I pray You don’t hurt me. You know you once loved me.
Oscar You BROKE my love.
(Waves the knife – then casts it aside)
No, I can’t! You’re too Beautiful – I can’t Tear that fresh, lovely, soft skin.
(Grabs her neck)
Oscar I’ll throttle you – Fast and safe – You won’t feel a thing.
(She thrashes around – he stands foursquare, summons up his strength)
Just let go – Give it up – Some girls even like it They ask for it specially.
(Emily appears behind him and brains him hard with a fire extinguisher – Oscar goes down – Darla falls back choking, clutching her neck)
Emily Take that, you Bastard!
Darla
(Falling to her knees beside Oscar)
You’ve killed him!
(Oscar groans)
Darla Call 911! Help! Help!
(Victor and Rocky burst in)
Victor What happened?
Emily You know what happened, You jackass: He tried to kill her!
Darla You didn’t need to hit him so hard!
(Oscar rolling and groaning)
Darla You broke his brain!
Emily His brain broke Long ago.
Victor That’s right – Nothing I did – This mofo’s plum crazy.
(Rocky picks up the knife and flicks it admiringly)
Rocky Wow! Look At the size of this thing!
Emily Would someone please Call 911?
(Still holding the fire extinguisher defensively – after all, Rocky has the knife)
Do I have to do Everything around here?
Victor
(To his cell phone)
Hello Coach? We’ve got A problem.
Emily
(throws the fire extinguisher aside)
Give me that thing.
(She snatches the phone from him – punches 911 – acts frustrated)
Victor No outside line.
Rocky The school’s gonna Hush this right up –
Victor
(Snatching back his phone)
We don’t need Police.
(His phone rings – Victor says threateningly)
It’s Coach. Do I tell him honestly How Oscar got hurt?
Darla I won’t speak If you won’t.
Rocky
(Pockets knife)
No knife – no Foul. Right?
Victor
(Answers phone)
I dunno, Coach – seems Oscar was peepin’ In the girls’ locker room – Things turned nasty and Oscar got brained.
Darla
(Bravely)
Tell him I did it.
(She tries to link arms with Emily who throws her hands up in disgust)
Victor
(pretending to be brave)
I don’t want to say. You Better come look. Better see for yourself.
(He snaps phone into pocket)
You know it’s all Emily’s fault.
(Emily aghast)
Emily How’d you figure?
Victor Hey, YOU sent that photo.
(Emily is speechless with rage. Darla is astounded)
Darla Oh, no she din’t!
Emily It was all your idea!
Victor You shouldn’t listen to me! People do what they want. We’re all in this together. Nobody speaks There’ll be no harm done. Coach don’t wanna know.
(Kneels by Oscar)
Victor Hang in there big guy, We’re getting you help.
Football Field bleachers. (Victor doing what looks like an Indian rain dance – he is beside himself with glee. Enter Emily)
Emily What are you so happy about?
Victor I’m the man! I’m the king!
(Emily stares at him sardonically, arms akimbo)
Emily So, spill – Found somebody’s Credit card under the bleachers?
Victor NO. I’m an Unstoppable Force – I’m a MOVER. I’m the One! Others are just talk – I make things happen! I stir the pot, the pot Bubbles. Stick with me sweetlips And you’ll see the world.
Emily
(Accusingly)
What did you do now?
Victor I showed Oscar His honey’s a whore!
(Wild victory dance)
Emily Darla? You mean her pictures? Her pictures were Wonderful! That girl’s a Goddess. I don’t get you guys! Always demanding We get sexual then Using that to disgrace us!
Victor Don’t act innocent around me, Honey. I know what you did. And Oscar BOUGHT IT!! Guy went Crazy!
(Wild boogie break dancing)
Emily Why you gotta Hate, Victor? Why ruin everyone And everything? That poor fool! If he didn’t want nudies He’s the first guy I’ve heard of. How come he Believed you over Darla? Darla LOVES him. No one’s that stupid.
Victor
(Playing with her hair)
Don’t you pay attention In history class? The bigger the lie The more people believe it. ‘Cause It’s about NIGHTMARES, Baby, we’re controlled by our Nightmares! Everyone’s got ‘em. Play into the NIGHTMARES And people believe.
(he makes his abracadabra gestures in front of her face – she pushes his hands away)
Emily But I thought he loved her! Doesn’t that idiot know How lucky he is?
Victor Love! What’s that even mean?
Emily But why’d he Believe YOU. You’re not his friend.
(Victor shakes the phone at her)
Victor Good one, Emily! You’ve been SUCH a good girl.A guy’s girl – FOR ONCE.
Emily I sent it only to You and to Oscar!
Victor Don’t you know brothers share? It’s a sharing economy: Bros hang together.
Emily It’s a BEGGAR economy A world of extortion and Protection where Everyone owes you.
Victor
(money hand gesture)
Gotta give some to get some.
Emily You men are HOPELESS. None of you deserves To get fucked EVER Again!
Victor Oh, somebody’s Getting’ fucked here and It ain’t gonna be me!
Emily It certainly won’t! And what is THAT all about? Why is the worst Thing you can insult somebody with is “SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!”? Why make it so bad? You’re always telling us to GROW UP Face desire Then we do and it turns out Our partners are BABIES! Baby extortionists!
Victor Oh get over yourself.
(Sniggering)
Let passion rule Idiots – while the Movers & Shakers sit pretty! We’re having Too much fun.
Emily I can’t figure out Why we play with You toddlers.
Victor Hormones, I’m guessin’. We’re the only game in town.
(Emily pulls out her own phone, clicks, smiles ruefully, shakes her head)
Emily Look at her there – She’s so sweet Such an angel. She’s Manet’s Olympia Goya’s Naked Maja – Look at her – She’s so happy. She’s so trustful in love Thinking Life’s About to begin. Don’t you know Beauty when you see it? Lift your head Out of the gutter! But you snoozed during art class You don’t want to wake up.
Victor Art class is for PUSSIES!
(spits)
Here’s REAL art for you!
(Showing her his film)
Emily Oh Victor YOU DIDN’T.
Victor Oscar made Darla bleed. Oscar made her come! She’s no goddess after all. Did she tell you What his cock’s like? Spics are hung like donkeys – They gotta be – Squirtin’ over the fence Spreadin’ their seed!
Emily You’re disgusting!
Victor
(Very calm and in charge)
I’m SUCCESSFUL. I’m EFFECTIVE. Oscar fights with Darla Coach sees our movie Coach says BYE BYE We own the school.
Emily You said you wouldn’t Hurt people!
Victor Haven’t YOU Done things you said You’d never do?
Emily Why’s Oscar blame Darla?
Victor “Cause he sees she’s a whore. Like every other slutty Fallen girl.
Emily Like ME you mean? Is that what you mean?
Victor Men rule Girls drool Who’s the fool?
Emily
(She turns away from him)
You’ve got a point there. You showed Oscar your movie?
Victor
(Gleeful excitement)
Oscar went ripshit! He Threatened to KILL her!
Emily Over some PICTURES?
Victor
(Acts all innocent, toeing the dust)
I did mention he might be wrong About her virginity.
Emily Victor! You are a Rabblerouser! Darla Was incontestably One hundred percent virgin! You know it and I know it!
Victor
(slyly)
Well, she ain’t no more. So Nobody proves nothin’. Girls go under the knife Get changed all the time.
(She pushes him away from her in disgust)
Emily And it doesn’t even matter! It’s all stupid anyway!
Victor It DOES matter! No man wants to Honor a SLUT.
Emily You guys are the sluts! Why demand trust when We can’t ever trust you? Don’t you get it? GAME OVER, I’m telling you. Game over!
Victor
(Very superior)
Men CAN’T be sluts Sweetheart. It’s not in the rulebook. Everyone knows. You just Ask around.
Emily You are PITIFUL. I am so done with this place. You think Oscar might Hurt Darla?
Victor
(Excited)
Oh, Oscar went off. He was Waving a KNIFE.
(Making crazy face then seeing her expression, excuses)
Hey, it’s not MY fault.
Emily It totally is!
Victor It’s not my fault In any court of law! Now WHO’S the one snoozing Through civics and Dare. I didn’t say Kill the bitch! That’s all HIS idea. My conscience is CLEAR. And by the way, sister You’re in this To your eyebrows.
Boys’ Locker Room. (Pinups, graffiti and team fight posters. Oscar suiting up in full quarterback regalia while Victor emerges from behind the open locker door to watch enviously)
Victor So – How’s it hangin’?
Oscar
(With relish)
I’m a man, bro! Thought I was a grown but I was only a baby; I knew nothing. Real manhood Comes in the arms of The most beautiful woman on earth.
Victor Right you are! That’s One hot chick.
(He makes certain Oscar can see the pic displayed. Oscar bites.)
Oscar What’s that, my bro? Where’d you get that?
Victor
(Very cool)
Everyone’s got it. Clint’s got it Rocky’s got it and Cody sent it – all From Darla’s phone.
Oscar
(Building rage)
Darla sent? That’s not Possible!
Victor Sure! Sent by Darla – with Some hot message – I forget what Why not ask him? Question Everyone.
Oscar No! I don’t believe it!
Victor Hey – should a chick who looks like this Keep it to herself? She belongs to the world – Once those pics escape – They’re everyone’s treasure. Stokin’ strokes The universe around. I say Long live the hotties That keeps us a-boilin’!
Oscar
(Strikes the phone from Victor’s hand)
Callin’ Darla A whore man? Is that what this is? Well? Are you?
(He’s scary but Victor calmly rescues his phone)
Victor Oscar, you and I know There’s two kindsa women. It’s not rocket science Telling them apart.
Oscar
(Still very distraught – looks away)
Darla was a virgin.
(Victor laughs – pretends to stifle)
Victor Did she say that?
(Sniggers – what a hoot)
Victor Can’t blame her my man – That’s what they all say – Trying to cuff you.
Oscar
(Struggling with his dignity)
She was a virgin I can promise you. She bled – there was Pain.
Victor
(Dismissive)
God bless modern science! They have cute little ways. It’s only fun playing the game if Everybody knows The score. Too late, now, huh? Right? She safe NOW – can’t nobody Prove her wrong.
(Touches his head)
But players in the know – We know. And we’re the ones who Never get played.
Oscar You’ll never feel What we shared.
(Struggling with emotion looks like he might cry)
Victor
(Grabbing him)
There’s ways to get wise, bro. Was she all over you? Did she know What to do? How’s a truly innocent girl Learn that dirty stuff?
Oscar She wanted to Please me. We were Sharing our souls!
Victor Yeah she did!
(Looking at his phone)
This don’t look like Soul-sharing to me! Looks like Ball dandling and Booby sucking! Thot tricks! Someone’s got A new booby tonight!
Oscar Does EVERYONE have this?
Victor It’s too good to keep private. Community property Keeps everyone fed.
(Oscar collapses on the bench, head in hands)
Oscar We wanted All of each other – I thought – We fit together so right!
Victor
(Very paternal – hand on Oscar’s shoulder)
Did she come, man? That’s the key- Virgins CAN’T come The first time It’s technically Impossible!
Oscar
(Reeling from the pain)
I wanted to share The bliss that she gave me.
(Breaks down sobbing – Victor is thrilled with power)
Victor You been cuck’d, man!
(Fake commiseration)
My poor, hurting brother. You trade yourself so Cheap. Real men Keep eyes open. Once You let her rule – Sacrifice manhood to pleasure You’ve lost all control. You’re cuck’d.
Oscar Cuck’d!
(This is worse than he’d figured)
Victor Hear the bros laughing? You sucked on her Titties like some monster big baby You went down Till lockjaw set in Tossed her salad Licked her taint For the world’ entertainment.
Oscar
(Rises up raging like a crazy gorilla – throws Victor off – banging between the metal lockers – making animal noises – like he’ll pull the place down)
Argh!!! Argh argh argh!!!!
Victor
(Thrilled – afraid and amused – he wants on this wild ride)
Whoa, Nellie! Hang on to Your reason, Get a grip on Your manhood! Exercise CONTROL my brutha.
Oscar
(shaking him like a rat)
I’m cuck’d My manhood’s GONE! Cuck’d! I gave it away!
Victor
(Teeth chattering, he tries to calm his beast)
Seek revenge, Brutha! Stand up for who you are! No man’s cuck’d Without his Permission.
Oscar What’s left for me In this world? I’m a dead man!
Victor
(abracadabra hands)
Throw it back in her face! Tell her She “fell” for your Quarterback strategy – Tell her YOU made that Movie – YOU were the one Determined to score. Turn the tables! Who is king? Be Your father and his father Your grandfather before you! You know what they stood for. Women are like ponies Made to be broken.
Oscar
(Drops Victor, collapses, clutching his heart)
Too late. It’s all gone. She took my manhood. I got no honor left.
Victor
(Impatient)
Rise up my brother Throw off this oppression Tell her she’s DONE. Stand tall! Take your life back. Be a man! Your brothers WANT to look up to you.
Oscar
(Rising slowly)
Take my life back. A life for a life.
Victor
(Dancing a little jig – he has no idea where this is going but he’s happy to go along)
Counting coup, brother! Take a scalp! Take A trophy!
Oscar She needs to PAY!
Victor
(Crowing)
She’s gotta be SCHOOLED – schooled by
(Trying to high – five an unseeing Oscar)
The Master!
Oscar She must KNEEL
Victor
(Dancing)
She’s gotta KNEEL!
Oscar Time for her to PRAY
Victor
(Boo-ga-loo)
She’s gotta PRAY!
Oscar
(Pulling open switchblade)
Then she DIES
(thrusting, stabbing moves)
Victor
(Incredulous – frozen – hides a giggle)
She DIES?
Oscar A man fights! Men seek revenge! Women must pay!
Victor
(Rapid recovery – loving what he’s hearing)
Time to Get your manhood back! ‘Cause otherwise you’re
(They say it together, staring out at the audience)
at the Football Field– Victor’s Rap. (Prom music playing while Oscar and Darla, under confetti-filled pink light and dressed in prom finery, sway close together gazing into each other’s eyes. Victor appears at the top of graffiti-covered scoreboard, rhythmically pounding his chest & rapping to the music)
Victor Life is HARSH Life is CRUEL Look for justice and You’re a FOOL Man’s got BLOOD Man’s got SWEAT Without stone courage Ain’t nothing to GET Gotta have WILES Gotta be CLEVER Gotta think faster Gotta plan BETTER Keep yo PITY Freeze yo TEARS Kids comin’ up today Deserve yo JEERS. They ain’t SMART They got NOTHIN’ Tryin’ to take you They’ll try ANYTHING Winners don’t SLEEP Losers don’t EAT The king can’t trust The hos at his FEET Can’t trust his MEN Can’t trust his “FRIENDS” King’s got steel Instead of “AMENS” King’s got GUNS King’s got PILLS Only the King KNOWS WHAT THE GAME IS We’re the knowers We’re the deciders Who’s the RIDER and Who the RIDE IS: Last minute trap Last minute DEAD ‘Cause the King’s got eyes In the back of his HEAD. “Pleasure doing business” Says the little lamb Just before King Hits the Grand slam: Boom! They drop DOWN Boom! They go FALL Never knowed nothing Hit them at all.
(Lights out on Victor, satisfied, arms crossed.)
Scene 3: (Darla & Oscar, on the Football Field in their prom clothes, dance alone in a spotlight; eyes only on each other. The couple spins, dips, his hands all over her)
Oscar Oooooo… That was some pic Some beauty You made just for me.
Darla Only for you. I never shaved before ‘cause I never wanted to – Much less take nudies. But for you I’m your Anything.
Oscar Anything?
Darla Anything.
(He holds her closer)
Oscar You’re only for me, darlin’ I’m only for you.
(Long lingering kiss)
You’re so hot. Why you so hot? Are you hot for me?
Darla I never knew What “hot” was Till I saw you And then I Burned. O, Baby how I burned!
(She writhes in his arms)
I wanted all of you! I’m so hot right now!
Oscar I did that?
Darla You did that.
Oscar Well now we’re alone.
Darla Finally! I never thought We’d get out of there.
Oscar Just you. Just me.
Darla Nothing we can’t do!
Oscar Nothing we can’t take!
Darla Nobody else around.
Oscar Nothing we can’t have! Just me. Just You. And what I want To do to you.
Darla Teach me. Take me. School me. Break me. I want you to be my Everything.
Oscar You know what that means. Once a man starts – You know he can’t stop.
Darla I don’t want you to stop.
(In the faint light, Victor appears at the bottom of the score sign, arms crossed, watching. Darla pulls away and begins a slow strip tease, Victor clicking photos on his phone)
Darla I want to be naked Naked for you.
Oscar Holy Mother you Are so beautiful!
(Oscar struggles with his clothes, they fall down wrestling together – clothes off. Lights fade.)
Darla’s bedroom. (Darla sprawled on canopy bed. Enter Emily carrying a big bowl of popcorn – both girls wear pajamas)
Darla Oh, Emily, I’m in love!
(rolls from side to side)
Why didn’t you tell me What passion is like? You’ve been holding Out on me!
Emily Cool your tits, Angel. You tell ME What IS love like? I’ve never felt it.
Darla
(sits up abruptly)
Oh, stop it! What you been Doing with Victor Ever since grade school!
Emily Can’t seem to escape him.
Darla Oh Emily Don’t be such a stone face. Did you fight with Victor? You know I’m ALWAYS on your side. Relationships take work.
Emily That’s what they say. I just realized Victor and I Have nothing in common.
Darla If you’re wanting out Just tell him to go. I did it with Rocky. It Wasn’t so hard. He made boo-hoo faces And then it was over.
Emily
(Sad laugh)
It’s too late now. There’s no point. You know Victor – he’d make My life hell. Besides – Auditioning new guys Turns girls into sluts. It ain’t worth it. I’ll wait Till college to make a fresh start.
Darla So tell me, Emily ‘Cause I’m growing up and I need to know – Did you do it? Do “The nasty?”
Emily Not TECHNICALLY Telling the truth “Plausible deniability”.
When my Gran asks – And she asks all the time – I want to deny it.
Darla That’s too bad. I’m not judging. Believe me. It just sounds Kinda sad. Maybe Victor’s NOT Right for you. I always thought I’d wait till marriage. But lately I BEEN FEELING it… Feeling that Tingle.
(she shivers all over)
Emily Which tingle is that?
Darla
(Touches her thighs)
THIS tingle. Like I want to get WITH him And let him release me. I got fire building up inside – I’m so sick of virginity It’s really exhausting. I just long to be HELD – You know – penetrated – INFUSED.
Emily Wow, girl! You feel that for Oscar?
Darla
(Falls back dreamily)
I want to give myself TOTALLY. Let him Strip me stark naked and do Whatever he wants.
Emily Whoa girl! Believe me There’s only one thing they want. And you could be sorry. Forever after.
Darla Oh, who cares? Gotta woman up At some point. I’m facing Maturity. Sick Of seeing a world through Saran-Wrap and Being called “Ice Rink”. You KNOW that’s what they call me – Don’t you deny it I’m starting to get Freezer burn!
(They both laugh)
Emily But girl, it’s so random! Why now? And why him?
Darla It’s not random AT ALL! Have you seen Oscar? He’s so DREAMY You can tell right away he’s different He’s so handsome and big!
Emily That’s not new.
Darla He’s so sweet –
Emily So is Clint. So is Cody.
Darla But they don’t like real girls. They want “avatars”. Or each other. Or whatever.
Emily Rocky adored you.
Darla Rocky’s a faker. Rocky’s a fake MAN. They’re all little boys.
Emily I think I know what you mean Darla – and Victor – he’s The worst of the lot.
Darla I’ll help you get away Anytime you want.
Emily He’s a cheater.
Darla I think he likes bragging. Heard him talk about Brandy! He’s SO Disrespectful.
Emily But Brandy’s a slut. You gotta admit.
Darla
(Fingering her cross)
She’s a real human person.
(Moonily)
Oscar’s so sympathetic Oscar CRIES easily! His tears are for real. He’s not ashamed To weep right in front of me. Those others are posers.
Emily I know THAT’s true. We’re all Trying for something we’re not.
Darla You’re too hard on yourself, Emily, you think too much And that’s the truth.
Emily High school is hell.
Darla But maybe it can be different! I mean, if people are Respectful. Oscar’s a MAN Who honors his women He puts them on Pedestals!
Emily So why did he cry?
Darla When I took his ring. If you could have been there! He has such soft eyes, but He’s so manly, and he’s So talented! Did you see His football workout? Gorgeous Deep chest, long thighs With dimples, and He treats me so well!
(She whispers)
He calls me his Queen!
Emily
(laughing)
Girl, you’ve got it bad.
Darla But Oscar is special! Oh, Emily, admit! He went down on ONE KNEE To ask me to prom! What guy here would do that?
Emily You’re right. They’re all Cunts.
Darla But aren’t cunts all female?
Emily Cunts are anyone two-faced Vicious and scheming.
Darla But WE’RE not like that.
Emily Some girls are and You know it Shamers and Haters. Plotters and Backstabbers. Jealous and Mean.
Darla You shouldn’t say that. I want Oscar To love my poor cunt That’s never been loved Not once in its life.
Emily OmiGOD Darla You’re courting disaster! Who’d think those words Would come out of the mouth Of Darla the prude!
Darla
(laughing)
I know, right? My Dad would DIE!
Emily EVERYONE would die!
Darla I would get a labia ring If Oscar wanted me to.
Emily Darla! You’re CRAZY!
Darla Of course I’m crazy! Oh Emily, you know What I’m feeling Love is magic, Love is Powerful, Love Dignifies everything. To tell you the truth I don’t think my poor Dad Ever had it – Most Grownups don’t and that’s why Old folks conspire For us to be lonely And empty and withered And just be Like them.
Emily You could be right there.
Darla Well, Oscar’s no cunt and He’s not a prick either: He’d Love me so gentle I’d never be scared. He kisses so tender… Says we’re “touring heaven”.
Emily Oh wow. Now I’m jealous.
Darla Every girl deserves this! We DESERVE to be courted. Get our flowers, our Moonlight, Chocolate kisses, Body healing.
Emily Victor would say it’s “Low-T”.
Darla You’ve got to Get rid of that guy! That guy’s a menace! His mind poisons everything And the other guys follow Then WE’RE the ones begging.
Emily Darla! YOU’VE Never had to beg.
Darla And I’ve been alone Taking my gay cousin to dances Year after year Fighting off Cody Then fighting off Rocky. I’ve never wanted to “Play the game” – That’s why we’re friends ‘cause You don’t either. The boys want us to – What’d you call it? They want us to “Audition” and you –
Emily Prefer the hell that I know. I see what you mean. Sure hope College is different.
Darla Don’t we deserve Real love? Doesn’t Brandy?
Emily Hey girl you’re converting Me. Maybe we’ve been unlucky In this depraved gene pool. Maybe someplace Nerds blossom – Want girls instead of video – And the guys you can talk to Become the guys you can cuddle.
Darla I’ll drink to that! Wine cooler? I’ve got peach and I’ve Got pineapple.
(loudly opens a pair of cans – they toast. Darla says dreamily)
I don’t need college I’ll go where Oscar goes. If he asks me to marry him I would say yes.
(Emily sits on the bed stuffing popcorn like she’s at the movies)
Emily You are TOO MUCH, Darla! You go girl! But I gotta say I hope We all sober up someday.
Darla I guess I’m just high. I’m high on LO-OOVE.
Emily You are hormonal is what. But I kind of like it Crazy. I mean what kind of world Would we have if girls could make choices And guys weren’t Trying to trick us? It’d be PARADISE.
Darla Now you see what I mean! Some guys are so rare When you know You just KNOW! Emily, Tell me the truth. Do you think I’m beautiful?
Emily EVERYONE thinks you’re beautiful You should KNOW That by now. If you have no confidence There’s no hope for the rest of us That’s for sure.
Darla It’s what Oscar thinks That worries me. Seen pix of his family?
(Emily shakes her head)
Six sisters – gorgeous and dark Multiply curvy with Hair to their waists. They’re ALL way – way – WAY Prettier than me.
Emily Darla – Blond girls are PRIZED. You’re a “white tiger” Something Oscar hasn’t seen. Nobody wants the familiar.
Darla Here’s what I’m thinking: Don’t girls share their bodies With the man that they love? Don’t all guys want Nudies? That’s what I’m wondering.
(Gestures down at her body)
Do you think THIS Could be beautiful?
Emily Every part of YOU Is beautiful!
Darla You think? I’m so shy! Maybe he’d Get all turned off? Would he snigger?
Emily That’s impossible. Who could snigger at ANYONE As lovely as you? I hope Oscar is really different.
Darla I know that he is. I don’t want to scare him but I want him to know how I feel.
Emily Oscar’s your paradise. Mine is a college Where men look at nudes Without sniggering.
Darla Oscar IS my paradise. I don’t care about any man but him. If he wanted to show my Nudie I’d let him.
Emily Men are such scorekeepers They score us and grade us – Maybe your Beauty will silence them.
Darla I imagine Oscar and me For our first “forever” Undressing together Like Adam and Eve.
Emily I hate to break it but There’s no motel Moonlight; There’s only fluorescence Like the meat rack at Safeway. That’s Cruelest on blondes. Were you thinking Backseats or Dunes at the beach?
Darla
(Jumps up pacing)
That is NOT what I Picture: I see us Like children: Tangled in clover Asleep in the sun.
Emily Maybe it’s too late For all of us. Boys love porn more than Beer, and now They’re all addicted.
Darla Not Oscar! Porn’s against his religion! Oscar’s religious!
Emily I know they SAY that but Is it true? Maybe They can’t help it: That stuff’s in the air Their fathers and brothers Are watching it too Summer camp, Boy scouts: Their world’s a pornado.
Darla
(Worried)
So what’s he expect? Now You’ve got me all scared. How can I be sexy Without being a porn star?
Emily We need pix! We need Glamor. We need Flattering lighting. Believe me I’ve been there I’ve got pix of my own.
Darla No, really?
(Emily offers her phone)
Wow! Who’d know That was you You’re like some sort Of goddess!
Emily They’ve GOT to stay secret; this is Not a good look for College admissions.
Darla
(Looking down her pajama bottoms)
I need some self-tanner! I look like Perdue chicken; my Poor scrawny pussy Has never seen daylight. How could I think Oscar would want this?
Emily You just need landscaping Sister, all of us do I swear it’s no biggie.
Darla I’m gonna get zits!
Emily Not if I moisturize. I’ll use a fresh razor; trust A sensitive blade; Wielded by Someone who loves you.
Darla Emily – you’re so poetic! You really would do that?
Emily Moisturize first and Moisturize after. That’s my guarantee.
Darla I’ll be dripping down there!
Emily You’re ALREADY Dripping and That’s the point!
(They both laugh)
Darla
(Grabs Emily’s drink and throws herself backwards on the bed)
No more booze for you! I need a steady hand All the help I can get – We can’t expect poor Oscar To see through a jungle!
Emily Lucky I’m sleeping over! I brought my whole kit.
(produces cosmetics case)
Strip off those undies. Let’s get this Party started.
Darla God – it’s so Embarrassing!
Emily Less embarrassing than The salon with a stranger – I’ve been there, too. You spend cash money To get treated like shit! They give you diseases Like some Chinese fungus You NEVER get rid of Then say it’s your fault.
Darla
(Slipping out of her pajama bottoms – Emily blocks our view)
Is this going to hurt?
Emily Not as much as tattoos And you’ve got one of those.
Darla I’m getting another – “I Love Oscar” in Spanish.
Emily
(Noise of whipped scream dispenser)
You better careful ‘Cause foreigners lie – Just to make us look stupid. Brandy asked for “Prosperity” And it really says “Whore”. Don’t move. I’ll leave a nice Landing strip.
Darla
(sighs ecstatically)
For Oscar to touchdown!
(She lies back – submitting)
Wish I’d studied Spanish Instead of stupid old French.
Emily We all should speak Mandarin According to my Gran.
Darla I’ll let Oscar choose My tattoo – He’ll know what to say.
Emily Men really like that.
Darla Here’s hoping. Ooooo – it tickles!
Emily You don’t have so much So this part is easy.
Darla
(Giggles)
Feels weird knowing You’re the one who’s Touching me there.
Emily Victor says All girls are lesbos.
Darla Victor says? We’ve established that Victor is crazy. Don’t listen to him.
Emily He says that’s why Men dominate; ‘cause We don’t really need them. If we had any choice He thinks we’d get rid of them! I told him who wouldn’t go Lesbo when Men are so awful and Dicks ain’t that pretty.
Darla I bet all of Oscar Is beautiful Strong, dark and –
Emily Handsome – yeah – I heard it the first time. I need some water.
(She empties popcorn in a handy backpack and enters bathroom. We hear running water.)
Darla Bet Oscar won’t manscape.
Emily Well, he should. He’s A bear.
Darla I like him warm and Furry. It makes it So real.
Emily
(Returning)
Smooth and hairless – That’s what Victor is. Spread ‘em Sister.
(Darla shrieks with laughter)
Emily DO NOT MOVE. This is the tough part. Hold your breath. DO NOT LAUGH DO NOT GIGGLE. Think of Oscar Stark naked.
Darla
(sighs rapturously)
I hope he Trades me a selfie!
Emily Men love showing off. Why shouldn’t they? Without repercussions They do what they feel. Almost done – That’s a good girl.
Darla Prom night’s the night. But I’m scared Do you bleed?
Emily Slow down, girl! If you go all the way You need to think Birth control!
Darla Nobody gets pregnant The first time!
(Excitement ripples Darla – Emily inhales a gasp)
Emily That might not be true. Better Check yourself before you Wreck yourself!
Darla I don’t like all this planning! Men think planners are Sluts. Don’t men do the birth control? My Dad’s all “condoms condoms Condoms” like it’s some sort of Prayer. Not to me, naturally But I overhear when He talks to the team.
Emily You could just tell him You don’t want to go All the way the first time! Then enlist Some doctor’s help.
Darla But I want to Belong to him totally! I want him in the pilot seat Making all the decisions.
Emily What if you get knocked up?
Darla That’s God’s to decide.
Emily You could be really sorry Oscar might dump you.
Darla You don’t know Oscar. Family’s everything to him. Sticking together and Blood relations are RELIGION To him. Our baby will Connect usForever and ever! You’ve got to admit – a kid Gets you out of the Cheating and lying game.
Emily Hold still. No more moving. Victor says all men cheat.
Darla He’s insecure. I can’t see Oscar cheating He’s got tattoos Of his mother AND Virgin Mary RIGHT ON HIS CHEST!
Emily Some girls like a challenge And men have no willpower. There you go! All done! Towel yourself off And admire your BALDNESS.
(Hands her a towel and mirror)
Darla Wow, thanks Em Such a friend. It looks much less scary And more like a child. But it feels so strange. Feels so NAKED – Am I beautiful now?
Emily You were beautiful BEFORE And now you are perfect!
Darla Get my phone! Time for Photos! Lay my hand Just like this and You can see Oscar’s ring.
Emily Gotta see face or This shot could be anybody.
(She pulls bed curtain to obscure audience’s vision, unshades lamp for lighting)
Darla Will he like it?
Emily Of course he’ll like it! I just pressed send.
Darla
(snuggling with comforter)
Let me see. Oh, wow! When will he answer? How long must I wait?
Emily Don’t lose any sleep – Tonight’s the team dinner, And they can’t have their phones. It’s all your Dad’s rules.
Darla Can you IMAGINE No phones? What gets into old people? Why are they weird?
Emily Just jealous, I guess. We’re still young and beautiful – they’re So old and hopeless. They wish they were us.
Darla You’re probably right.
(Arms reaching up)
Let’s watch a scary movie.
Emily I’ve got the scariest! Screwfly Solution – parasites From outer space Oozing into everybody.
Darla Oooooooo!
(Emily pulls the curtains and jumps into bed – Darla touches remote -Lights fade blue light shines on their faces as the two cuddle together.)
Victor works Emily, his off-again, on-again girlfriend
(Oscar stalks offstage. Victor minces behind him, Rocky vaults over bleachers)
Rocky You’re off course, Victor! Throwin’ shade on Darla!
Victor Hey, bro we discussed this! You want to fend off intruders Or hug them hello? Martial arts says Use their own weight AGAINST THEM Let them knock THEMSELVES down. Achilles had a heel, my Rocky You should know from school history And Oscar’s heel looks like DARLA!!! So let’s bring him to heel. You gotta use bluster! My gift of gab fathers brainworms No soldier can shake! It’s Strategy, man! “Cringe theory!” Makin’ war with their heads! Cringe theory’s my superpower.
Rocky Not if people get hurt!
Victor Quit your puss-ups, My brutha! And don’t be pathetic. It’s toughen or die In this world, little Rocky Gotta go for the prizes The treasures of paradise Don’t fall in your lap. We gotta fight for them – Smarter and better – sink foes in Stupidity – till their filth Swallows them whole and Leaves the field empty. Empty for US.
Rocky Coach says you’re just Cynical: using your brain To avoid all the Sweat and sore muscles.
Victor And what’s wrong with that? Don’t see them bankers out Laboring Stop being a cunt, Rocky. If I prove what I say, are You with me, or not?
Rocky You can’t prove Darla’s A nympho! I know that much For certain.
Victor Won’t YOU be surprised. Can’t trust ME, trust Your own eyes. I can prove anything On anyone – prove Darla’s a nympho and Oscar’s an idiot.He’ll be publicly scorned and Thrown off the team. Do you dare me?
Rocky I dare you. But Don’t let it sink you.
Victor Nothing sinks me – I’m Unsinkable – The only guy here Who’s in charge of himself. Coach did me a favor Kicking me off the team. Now I see the world Truthfully. Let my game play out.
Rocky I’m more confused By your solutions Than even my problems!
(His phone chimes)
Catch your act later Victor – I’m late For detention.
Victor
(To audience)
All these poor boneheads Still “going to school”. This place is a backwater For ignorant jerkwads.
(plays with his phone)
Victor Well I know one person Still comes when I call.
(Emily appears, highly disgruntled, shaking her phone)
Emily What fresh hell is this? Are you crazy?
Victor
(affectionate and conciliatory)
Great to see you too Baby, give Papa a kiss.
(She pushes him away)
Emily I am NOT getting you Sex pics of Darla!
Victor Level the playing field Sugar, you’ve got to just Face it! Darla Thinking she’s special Is harshing your style. She’s slut-shaming you.
Emily
(Despite her best intentions this is getting to her)
She is NOT. We’re Best friends 4-EVA.
Victor
(Deep significance – flashes his phone)
What would she say If she saw THESE? Think she’d be disgusted? Think she’d talk you down?
Emily Stop it! That’s not fair! I was playing a part!
(tearful)
I was only a kid!
Victor Prudes And their body issues – So…what’s wrong with HER body?
Emily Nothing wrong with Darla’s body! You know she’s just shy.
Victor She’s a prude!
Emily She’s got standards.
Victor Hey, I ain’t asking For porno! Nude ladies be art!
(Considers)
Not that pornos are bad. I mean if Darla wanted – You never know what’s lurking Behind Darla’s green door.
Emily Darla has no Green door!
Victor Just one nudie pic – please? And I’ll destroy all of these.
(She snatches for his phone – he holds it just out of reach)
Emily You already SAID you destroyed them!
Victor But honey – they’re So beautiful! So precious To my heart.
Emily Not that one with The blindfold.
Victor Oh, quit your drama! Be glad they ain’t posted.
Emily You sent them to ME! They’ll be somewhere FOREVER.
Victor Grow up “Miss Emily”. Allow Poor space aliens to Get off on your booty!
Emily I NEVER SAID YES. I was asleep for The first ones!
Victor Didn’t you give me your body? You know you did Sugar. Who “Consent” breaks the mood. I’m “equal opportunity –“ sugah – Don’t I send you dic pics?
Emily It’s not even YOUR dick!
Victor Some of them are!
Emily Face it, Victor. Some girls just don’t Want to be filmed.
Victor Don’t you believe it, sister Every chick’s got a Mayadere hiding in her Someplace. Don’t you owe it to history To immortalize This gorgeousness?
(he plays with her hair)
Emily First time I’ve Heard THAT argument. You said I was so “Inadequate” I ought To get implants.
Victor Only if you Want them. I know you Emily. You’re all About Art. “Cinema verité.”
(air quotes)
Making it real and KEEPING it real.
Emily Can’t believe You were listening.
Victor I’ve heard everything You’ve ever said. You talk in your sleep.
Emily Uh oh. Just giving you More ammo.
Victor Let’s say your Outward persona Don’t recognize your Inner child. But You’re safe with me.
Emily If only.
Victor Don’t act so Unwilling. Isn’t “Cinema verité“ about Tagging the unwary? Just shop your moniker!
Emily Fun as this is to Talk about art I’m not creating sex pics Of Darla for your hounds’ Delectation.
Victor Oh, give the dogs SOMETHING. How about pillow fights? Two Naked girls and a whole World of feathers. Now That’s artistic! Or you play With her boobies – I’m sayin – It could Put you through college.
(Emily facepalms in rage and despair, Victor puts arms around her)
Victor
oh honey, if only you saw How beautiful you are. Lucky me! You will never be as gorgeous as You are right this minute.
(Kissing and nuzzling. Emily starts to give in. He nibbles her ear.)
Victor You know we’ve got To get rid of him.
Emily
(Pulling away)
Who? Oscar?
Victor Yes, Oscar. Everything bad ever Started with Oscar.
Emily Leave Oscar alone! Stop trying To get even. And stop Hanging out with mofos like Rocky! He’s got shit for brains!
Victor Rocky’s good people.
Emily I know Rocky’s behind this He just wants revenge porn Because Darla dumped him.
Victor So what? I got Rocky’s back. Maybe Rocky’s just human.
Emily Listen – My gramma says The best revenge Is getting into the college Of your choice.
Victor
(sighs dramatically)
Sugar, Rocky NEEDS this. And He’s too proud to ask.
Emily But Darla’s my FRIEND!
Victor Why you so protective? Think she’s better than you?
Emily Girls got to stay loyal.
Victor You’ve got HER back but What’s SHE done for you? She’s making you look bad.
Emily You guys so stuck on “status” Passing chicks like Sports cards – you Don’t KNOW from friendship. You Don’t understand.
Victor You’re not fooling me Sugar. Remember I’m your Daddy and You talk in your sleep. I know you better than You know yourself. You’re A secret resenter ‘Cause Darla’s got EVERYTHING while You got a broke-ass kid’s bed In the basement of Your grandparents’ house?
Emily Don’t you go draggin’ my Grandfolks! They’ve been So good to me.
Victor
(Smooth change of tack)
Some friend YOU are Standing by while your bestie While she gets herself inseminated With terrorist anchor babies!
Emily
(Disturbed but trying to stay cool)
Who’s drama now?
Victor Them kind don’t Use rubbers. Trust me, my Poptart ‘cause I know the world. They’re all bareback and Rough riding – that’s what they like. Look at the size of him – poor Darla’s got no chance – He wants something He TAKES it! They think Rape is foreplay.
Emily You’re disgusting!
Victor I’m makin’ it real and Keepin’ it real which you PRETEND that you value. Who tells truth If you don’t get it from me? If Darla got pregnant – you know What she’d do.
Emily
(Sighs)
She’d have that damn baby Darla’s a sticker. DAMN – That girl is old school.
Victor So – now you’ve got the chance to Nip this in the bud! That’s what REAL friends would do. Show her Oscar’s true colors!
Emily
(wavering)
How can nudies fix anything?
Victor ‘Cause Oscar will dump her! And Coach will dump HIM!
Emily You’re not helping your “Nudes are art” theory With this “pics are Hand grenades” plot. Make up your mind!
Victor It’s Oscar’s mind I’m Playing with. That guy’s A caveman! You know How they are. Here’s Your chance to expose him!
Emily You’re talking crazy.
Victor Hey, I’ll contain all the Damage. Where are YOUR Nudie pix? Safe and sound!
(pats his phone)
See? You know you can trust me! You know Daddy’s good for it!
Emily But you’re so Conniving – playing Both sides to middle.
Victor Oh, be a guy’s girl for once Like you. claimed To be when You promised yourself to me. Don’t go all Girlie-girl.
(makes what he thinks is a mincing gesture)
Emily This is the whole problem With high school monogamy! We’re such different people In four short years!
Victor
(Offended)
Well, I ain’t no Ken doll.
Emily And I’m no Barbie!
Victor Truthfully – Ain’t it been wonderful How we stick together? You got all your friends’ envy.
Emily ‘Cause they don’t know the truth. They don’t see my Compromise.
(Victor pours on the sugar)
Victor It’s a cold world out there, baby. A girl needs protection.
Emily
(Exhausted)
Oh leave me alone. I can’t cope. You’re like A bulldozing Bloviator.
(Enter Oscar, big handsome Hispanic guy in football uniform)
Victor
(grabs Oscar’s hand, chest bumps)
Guess the best man won! Congratulations are in order!
Oscar Hey, wow! You’re a big fellow. I mean no disrespect –
(flustered because Victor’s NOT a “big fellow”)
No one likes gettin’ cut. You sure there’s No hard feelings?
Victor Won’t be Hard feelings When you win us State Champion!
Oscar Champions, man!
(They high five)
People here are so nice. My abuela was worried But now I’m In classes, got a Tutor, live in a Nice house with Coach. Even got me a girlfriend.
Victor
(loud phony whistle)
Got a girlfriend ALREADY?
Oscar Coach’s own daughter! He gave us his blessing. She’s wearing my ring.
Victor
(glances at Rocky peering thru bleachers)
Fancy footwork my friend!
Oscar
(faking Victor out, dodging around him)
It’s the speed and the moves That’s what I’m best at.
Victor Darla’s always been Prettiest. But…
(fakes sotto voce)
Word out she’s an Ice Maiden. Them Nymphos got reps.
Oscar I don’t know what you’re saying – She warmed up to me. What’s that name you called her?
Victor Darla? If it’s DARLA we’re talking about –
(trying not to laugh)
Darla needs new blood ‘cause She’s been through the school. Don’t know if I can congratulate You on landing THAT one.
Oscar
(Angry and suspicious)
We’re going to prom!
Victor You don’t need to believe ME, Buddy but Your Darla’s got skidmarks.
(Leans forward)
She needs management, my brutha. No dissing intended but Don’t let her get away Pretending she’s better.
Oscar Darla’s no nympho Darla’s a virgin!
Victor Sure, sure – they’re all “Immaculate” – spring back Like a rubber band The moment you touch her. They say the Virgin Mary had Babies – maybe that cross necklace Really DOES work.
Oscar
(Pulls a knife)
You’re just jealous. You’re all of you liars. I’m not Buying your blasphemous bullcrap. Haters get shaded and Players get played.
(fighting stance)
Victor
(Backing away)
Whoa, boy! Chill OUT! Don’t Kill the messenger! I’m here to HELP you!
Oscar I’m saying what’s true. Not suffering your crap. I can protect myself.
Victor I’m friending you, dude. You’re the new guy in town so They’re setting you up! “Coach’s daughter!” All Part of the strategy to Get you embroiled so you can’t Run away.
Oscar
(Sheathes the knife)
I wasn’t born Yesterday – I see what you’re after. You’re hot and bothered getting Kicked off the team.
Victor Do I look bothered to you? I’m a truth-teller, buddy That’s why I got sidelined They don’t want me to Warn you! I’m wise to their plays and I can’t go along! Bro solidarity – it’s Life blood to me.
(Beats chest)
Bros before hos. Not just in the barrio.
Oscar Call Darla names And you’re going DOWN. No matter what. Darla’s a nice girl.
Victor Who’d ask for belief Without offer of proof?
Oscar What “proof” could you have?
Victor Photography don’t lie. Today’s taste test My brutha.
Oscar Don’t “brutha” me You got nothing. I ain’t listening.
Victor But you’ll look at the evidence?
Oscar If there IS any evidence. I was so stupid! Thought I Left guys like you Behind in the barrio – Now I can see Flea rats are everywhere.
(His phone chimes)
Gotta go, man. Can’t miss my first study hall.
(Oscar stalks offstage. Victor minces behind him, Rocky vaults over bleachers)
Rocky You’re off course, Victor! Throwin’ shade on Darla!
Done and DONER. Can’t be cucked by Community property – Ain’t we ALL hit it – Eiffel Tower, bay bay – that Girl’s been run through. Dickmatized.
Rocky But you said it Yourself – she’s food For the raw dogs – Always pre-lubed.
Victor Better double-bag, Rocky! Double-bag with that one!
(he shakes off imaginary germs)
You can’t MOVE UP to Damaged goods, partner.
Rocky So what can I do?
Victor Stride of pride, Rocky That’s what I’m saying. It’s the stride of pride – Or the walk of shame. Take your choice.
Rocky
(Collapses in pain)
Why girls so DISLOYAL? I want Darla back!
Victor You been burned, friend. You’re not thinking straight. What doesn’t kill you Builds muscle.
Rocky I just don’t get it. Darla’s not thinking! That guy Oscar – he’s Going nowhere! He’s got no homies Hasn’t paid dues: When he wins his last game It’s back to the barrio Maybe DEPORTED She’s choosing A shit life!
Victor Can’t fight jungle genes Rocky: that’s what Girls go swoony for. Getting’ jumped by gorillas – or A posse of cavemen That’s what they want.
(starts hip thrusting – Rocky makes him stop)
Rocky Please. Please. Tell me what to do To take back control? How you keep Emily so chill?
Victor Emily knows the score.
Rocky
(completely beaten)
What’s the score?
Victor I lay down the LAW.
Rocky You lay down the law?
Victor I lay down the RULES.
Rocky You lay down WHAT rules?
Victor Custody of the eyes.
(Points to his eyes)
Takin’ care of business.
(Points to dick)
Should she transgress- Smack of my hand!
(Smacks his hand)
No shame in my game!
Rocky
(Awestruck)
You hit her?
Victor No man! That shit can Get you in trouble! Spanking, dude! Don’t you know Nothing? Chicks relish a paddling Their Daddies trained them.
Rocky Hardcore! If I could man up You think Darla’d Come back?
(Brainstorm)
Or I could go down on her? Wouldn’t she love me?
(Victor cuffs him on the side of the head)
Victor Snap out of it, sap Don’t give her That power – you’re Swelling her head: she’s Full of herself! Don’t be an idiot!
Rocky I know she’d Taste sweet! Sweeter than Strawberries in … Blueberry schnapps.
(Victor cuffs him on both sides of the head)
Victor Sober up, Soy boy! You’re getting’ all pussified Now’s time for STRATEGY, Unrolling our game theory. Who holds the whip hand?
Rocky
(Incredulous, points to himself)
I hold the whip hand?
Victor SHE holds the whip hand Right now, you poor bastard She’ll keep trading “up” Till she meets her match.
Rocky Darla meet her match? How’s THAT gonna happen?
Victor When someone insults her. That’s the only way That girls stay chill When they’re trying to please you.
Rocky
(mystified)
Who insults Darla? They’d have to be CRAZY ‘cause. Darla is PERFECT.
Victor It may be too late for you, My poor savaged brutha. You may be too far gone. Trust Oscar to school her Watch Oscar play caveman. Girls gotta learn sometime – Men demand satisfaction.
Rocky Darla’s thinking Her shit don’t stink!
Victor You’re catching on – I knew there had to be some reason You’re my best friend.
(They lock arms, trade signs, bump fists)
The fine art of Insult – it’s a thing You can learn. Keep her off balance. Make her think She knows nothing. She Checks in with you To see what’s coming next. If YOU’RE never satisfied She’s doubting HERSELF.
(he shrugs)
They learn not to gamble They’re safer at home.
And when they’re at home – They’re not outside Foraging.
Rocky So say I wrote a A mean text – Like, REALLY cold –
Victor
(to the audience)
This guy is desperate!
(He shakes Rocky)
No, no, no! Forget about Darla! Everything bad comes From wanting too much That’s what the prophets say Love them and leave them, There’s your ticket. Eyes on the prize We’re all about Oscar because Oscar’s the problem It’s Oscar we’re shading!
Rocky Oscar?
Victor Yeah, Oscar! Who else we been Dissing? Let HIM Get in trouble, Let HIM do the dirty work!
Rocky But I want her so bad.
Victor Patience, dog. Just pay attention. Remember Romeo/Juliet? Back in ninth grade?
Rocky What’s school got to do with Anything important?
Victor It’s a story’s proving that The more you Separate couples The hotter they get.
Rocky Was THAT what that dumb play Was about? Finally, some truth!
Victor Leave everything To me.
Rocky
(hopeful)
You’ll help me?
Victor
(contemptuous)
Don’t I always help you? What are homies for?
(Rocky throws himself into Victor’s arms)
Rocky You’re such a brother!
Victor It’s time to get even.
Rocky Who with? Coach?
Victor
(shouts)
OSCAR! Look at this poser! He’s all flushed with success! Throwing OUR football and Wearing her panties!
Oscar: immigrant male teen, dark, tall, handsome, recently recruited to this new high school for his athletic gifts, trying to figure out this new world and his place within it
Emily: Victor’s girlfriend, Darla’s best friend
Darla: beautiful, intelligent teen girl, considered highly desirable but she considers herself one of the “good girls”
Rocky: “best friend & yes man”; resentful male teen: Darla’s ex
Act 1 – Scene 1: (Football field of an American high school. VICTOR, a handsome but height-challenged teenager, sits on the bleachers under klieg lights)
Victor (to audience)
The new guy!
(spits)
It’s always about the new guy! Oooo – he’s so special! Oooo – he’s so different – Let’s give him EVERYTHING! Let’s give him a room In the same house With the coach’s beautiful daughter!
(pacing)
I ask you – is that fair? How can THAT be fair! Me – who’s always been loyal – Cut from the team! No more loyalty – that’s for sure – That coach is a such a cunt – They’re all cunts! “You’re not a team player,” says Coach Higgins – “Won’t take direction.” Know what that’s code for? Means I’m smart! Means I’ve figured things OUT. Means I ask questions and Think for MYSELF.
You’d think schools would value INTELLIGENCE But they’re just preachin’ The same old religion – Looks, money, genetic
Mutations! Like Their darling Oscar!
Who’s Oscar? What’s Oscar? What hole did he crawl out of? He’s not one of us That’s for sure – Floated here In a box, Climbed over some wall. Paid a criminal “coyote” To circumvent those Laws they claim to love: Barely speaks English and Here they are Lining up To suck his dick.
Listen to them Congratulate each other:
(high affected voice)
“We offer sanctuary!” “Cause we’re practically ANGELS” – But only athletes With “gifts” they need Get that “special treatment”.
What’s this fuss all about? What’s this “gift” really about? He learned to RUN is all Dodging border cops Thumbing his nose at Everyone Who’s been here FOREVER. Saps! We’re only good enough to Pay his bills!
He’s got HEIGHT – The guy’s good looking but – And that’s ALL he’s got. That’s ALL he is – He’s a pet and pets are ANIMALS!
(spits venomously)
Oscar!
(Enter ROCKY, best friend and yes man, equally discouraged)
Rocky Hey, who’re you talking to?
Victor A guy craving Intelligence in this neck of the woods Has to talk to himself.
Rocky Yeah, he does!
(beat)
And what’s that guy say?
Victor It’s not FAIR Is what I’m saying; Coach falling over Oscar Just for his legs.
Rocky Has that guy got legs! He DOES have legs! Regular jackrabbit That guy.
Victor Why’s this immigrant So special they’re breakin’ the rules I wanna know. Since the law says we Gotta go to school We’re really hostages – And what do they teach us? What do they care about?
Football! Following ORDERS. How to win games FOR SOMEBODY ELSE. Get our blocks caved in For the old folks’ amusement.
Rocky Aw – you’re just sore you were cut Everyone’s sore. But Who doesn’t like football? Football’s FUN Sure beats math.
(Thinks)
And chemistry.
(Shudders)
Victor You’re cut too Poor bastard – We don’t measure up To their sudden “new” standards.
Rocky
(apologetically)
I oughta Work out more. Squad goals!
Victor Squad goals? Following orders is more like it Give them your Brain for a plaything. You gotta MOVE ON man! I’ve moved on. Get with the program.
Rocky
(headscratching)
Whose program? Quarterbacks are heroes, man.
Victor Just a genetic mutation Centuries of selective breeding We should be ON TOP of this Not bottoming the heap!
Rocky Buddies RELY You’re the one who says that. We “Gotta play position” Like it or not.
(Shrug)
Victor Might as well Buy yourself a box, friend YOU’RE GONNA GET BURIED.
Rocky Nobody dies footballin’.
Victor But they die IN THE ARMY – And that’s where you’re goin’ Suckah – with their Squad goals in your head! Cannon fodder! That’s what the THINKERS say – Marching without questions Buys a hole in the ground!
Rocky But football –
Victor Forget football! See the BIG game. Football isn’t the universe, man. Look at Congress, look at Wall Street! What do you see?
Rocky Butt-ugly old men.
Victor Yeah, they are! Some poor fool be taking Their orders – where to jump and when! They’re laughing their Asses off all the way To the bank. They’re Partyin’ on YOUR time YOUR money, your LIFE My poor friend.
Rocky But I got nothin’! I had a girlfriend Had a place on the team Now I got nothin’!
Victor
(Taps his head)
All wealth is up here. It’s STRATEGY, man – we gotta learn GAME THEORY. Not football. I tell you, Man, they’re making us dumber! Just look all around you!
Rocky Seeing… what?
Victor Smart people like us – have got to Learn to teach themselves While some idiots Run around a field and other idiots Applaud. Listen to me. I’m the only one Keepin’ it real.
Rocky You’re the onlySmart guy at this school, Victor.
Victor
(Gratified)
That’s what I’m talking about! Getting dumped’s a mark of honor from Assholes like those.
Rocky
(Sadly)
Ya think? I was coming To ask you – What to do about Darla. You should have seen Her face when she –
(overwhelmed by anguished memory)
Victor Her face when she dumped you? Don’t cringe, bro! I’ve seen Darla’s face. Girl’s face Is her fortune.
Rocky Her face when she saw Oscar. That girl was drooling She’s never looked at me Anything like that.
Victor Girls be dramatic! Don’t take it serious!
Rocky But they live’ in the same house – You know Coach turns a blind eye No bro can fight that.
Victor Cut yourself free of that drama – And you stay lucky, my buddy. She did you a solid. We need to be Pullin’ them bitches, not Getting Cuffed. Stay wary, my brother. And Remember – all Chicks are alike.
Rocky There’s no chick Like Darla! She could be A supermodel. Her body! Coke bottle hips –
(shapes the air with his hands)
Victor
(Giving himself boobs)
And Playmate level Titties!
(they high five)
Free the Nipple! Not that you’ve SEEN them.
Rocky Oh brother – Hells yes I HAVE. Not talking side boob – Not bragging top boob – I’m sayin’ I kissed them and Seen the whole thing. Nips so – Pale – Pale as
(Gropes for metaphor)
Musclemilk. Not dark like porn queens but Pale – like a just-born baby.
(Deflates)
Victor I don’t believe you.
Rocky You don’t BELIEVE me? Callin’ me a liar?
Victor Then where’s your trophy?
(camera snap gesture)
No bares without shares.
Rocky No such luck.
Victor Why the heck not? You forget about Squad goals?
(threatening)
It’s your name On the line.
Rocky Hey – It was low light.
Victor Your phone got no Flashlight?
(Makes a “keep it coming” gesture)
Bros before hos.
Rocky Didn’t have my phone! This is Darla we’re talking about! Girl’s such a prude I was lucky to get close – Seize opportunity.
(Whispers)
Skinny dipping down In Darla’s POOL.
Victor You can’t score alone, Rocky. There’s buddies to feed.
Rocky I almost got there! She’s gone, now, Victor. It’s over. She’ll never sit On my face now. I’m out. I’m OVER.
Victor Hey! No one says You’re over till I say you’re over. What’s got into this chick?
Rocky ‘Cause she knows she’s beautiful! Darla’s so special! Wouldn’t let me Touch third.
Victor Listen to yourself! Giving her control!
Rocky
(whining)
Darla’s so different. Darla’s so special.
Victor You’re so CUFFED, man – That’s why she Dumps you – you’re into HER playbook, When she ought to be in YOURS. All quims are alike. Bitches need to be Dominated.
Rocky Not queens, man. They know they’re different.
Victor If I teach you one thing, bro It’s gotta be this – Beauty don’t last! Power lasts! Power grows! That’s the game, baby – it’s You or her – only one of you Gets out alive. Watch my lips! Second verse – same as the first. It’s her foot on your face or Your foot on her keester You better believe it. Play or be played.
Rocky But girls are so different! Some girls are big Some girls are tiny. Take Brandy’s chest –
Victor Taken. You’re wandering off point Rocky Here’s the point – Darla’s hot for beaner!
(frantic hip thrusting motion)
Rocky Aw, Darla doesn’t GET hot –
Victor Not for YOU, maybe. HE unsnapped her purse Gonna run through them bushes – If we let him – Like a machete.
Rocky But WHY? Just ‘cause He’s quarterback?
Victor ‘Cause he’s DIRTY. Girls can’t help it, brutha It’s all genetic – they got to Wander, seasoning the herd. First moment she saw him She’s wanting his rugrat Girl can’t help herself.
(falsetto voice)
Bareback me, baby! “I need a raw boy – Gimme your giant thing – Doin’ the map.” That’s why they need DOMINANCE.
Rocky Stop it! That’s not true! You don’t know that!
Victor All slits are ALIKE Lookin’ to get railed –
(grabs Rocky, shakes him)
You gotta Stay strong, my brutha – THIS is your moment THIS is your choice Don’t get cuffed Or you’ll soon be CUCKED!
Alysse Aallyn 